Raising Heroes: Fantasy Role Models for Our Kids

Six months ago, my daughter Freya was born during a snowstorm. It was one of the strangest and most surreally amazing moments in my life, holding her in my arms for the first time. Since then, my world has been rearranged, my perceptions thoroughly altered. I’ve learned what it is to care for a tiny being that will one day grow into a human being. I’ve been learning about fatherhood and what it is to have a daughter. Along the way, I started thinking about the role models my daughter has.

I’m going to read to my daughter, long after she’s reading books on her own. We’re going to watch movies and play games together. Someday she’s going to be exposed to pain, sorrow, grief, heartbreak, violence and fear. I have to prepare her for these things, all the while trying to preserve her innocence for as long as possible.

Fantasy and science fiction have been a part of my life since I was a tiny child. I remember my dad reading me the The Hobbit before bed. Watching Star Wars and The Princess Bride with my parents. I had good, strong parents as role models and I like to think that I’ve turned out alright. I know that my wife and I will love our amazing daughter with all of our hearts and try to build the best world we can for her. But what does that mean?

Well, lots of things, but what’s been on my mind lately has been Freya’s other role models. What characters will she emulate? There are so many things we, as parents, can’t control. We can’t be by our child’s side every moment of every day. (Really, we don’t want to, even if we like to think that we would.)

My wife and I saw Brave recently. (I saw it twice, actually.) Pixar, with a new directing and writing team, managed to create a very simple and yet elegant fairy tale, with more of a modern perspective and some excellent female characters. Both Merida and her mother, Queen Eleanor, are strong-willed and intelligent women. They make choices, for good or bad, and do their best to deal with the consequences. The story was as much about parenting as it was the mythical adventure in Scotland. Zoe and I left the theater talking about how we would show Brave to Freya as soon as she was old enough.

Merida is an incredible protagonist, being one with realistic flaws and all. But what other Disney princesses can we say that about? I’m going to go ahead and rule out Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora, Ariel and Jasmine. Who does that leave? Not a princess. Definitely Mulan, based off a true story about a woman who defied her culture to prove herself. Can you think of any others? I could easily turn this into a ‘favorite Disney/Pixar’ article, but I won’t. Instead I’d like to focus on a few other figures, good and bad.

What other films and books have strong women? What kind of women are they? Ripley from Alien comes to mind, a woman with a fierce heart and a will to survive. Brienne of A Song of Ice and Fire also comes to mind. A woman with a strong sense of morality, even if it is guided by an idealistic and naïve view of a harsh world. Though it will be quite some time before Freya will be reading or watching those.

October Daye, written by Seanan McGuire, is another role model. She is smart, intuitive and fiercely devoted to those she loves. Over the course of five (and soon to be six) books, Toby shows a willingness to accept the consequences of her actions and even acts as something of a moral compass to those around her.

There are others that I’ve likely missed, or don’t have the words to properly acknowledge. Alanna from Tamora Pierce’s Song of the Lioness, Hermione Granger, Zoe Washburne of Firefly and likely countless others. But running counter to these magnificent ladies are the characters that, while realistic, present terrible role models.

In terms of popularity, I think that Bella Swan of Twilight represents the worst possible character to emulate. Passive, weak-willed and self-doubting, she may be somewhat realistic in terms of the average teenage girl (though I doubt it), her behavior is petty and self-involved, and yet everything works out well in the end. She also has the worst survival instincts as a human being I’ve ever read.

Katniss Everdeen, of The Hunger Games, also presents a character of dubious quality as a role model. To be sure, the biggest decision she makes, to take the place of her younger sister in the government-enforced deathmatch, is also her most courageous and righteous. Everything after that, with the exception of her feelings toward fellow competitor Rue, are motivated purely by a desire to be as uninvolved in the proceedings as possible. She constantly dreams of running away, escaping, hiding. She bemoans her plight constantly and never truly engages in anything around her, even as someone confesses their love.

I thoroughly dislike the Twilight series, for any number of reasons probably already written down by someone else somewhere else on the Internet. And while I did enjoy the Hunger Games and its sequels, I felt the need to single these two out due to their immense popularity. These two characters are being read by girls (and boys) of an influential age, and while not as horrifying as trying to be like anorexic models, still exist as flawed examples, bordering on Mary Sue territory.

I don’t mean to imply that to be a good role model, the character must be perfect and flawless. Rather, a good character should be flawed, but have a depth of personality beyond the flaws, and that they eventually grow and learn from their flaws and mistakes.

I want my daughter to grow up strong and smart, to follow her dreams wherever they take her. To appreciate the beauty of the world, as well as its flaws. To hopefully see the best of all possibilities. To let her imagination run free and unhindered. I hope she never becomes Susan Pevensie, giving up the magic because someone else told her she had to. And while I want to give her a life of luxury and ease, I want her to be strong enough to survive the inevitable hardships.

I think that the movies our children watch and they books they read can do as much to inspire them as their parents, sometimes in ways we can’t even fathom. The best thing we can do is engage with them, talk to them about what they read, watch and play.

If I missed any, for good or ill, or you disagree with what I’ve said, let me know in the comments.

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