2012 The Year Of The Arrow – The Top Ten Archers In Fiction

In this modern age of long-range sniper rifles and nuclear powered, rocket-arsed, blow the eyebrows off the moon, mega-wowee, hyper cannons (one of those weapons might be made up), it seems crazy to think that the simple bow and arrow could rule supreme. But believe me when I say that 2012 is set to be known as the year of the arrow.

Two of the biggest movies released this year are The Avengers and The Hunger Games, both of which have awesome archers for protagonists and in a few weeks, we have Brave coming to the big screen, a Pixar film with a plot centered around a badass archer princess.

Even TV is in on the bow and arrow bandwagon with Joffrey from Game of Thrones and Daryl from The Walking Dead both sporting shiny crossbows, and a new series coming out later this year, called Arrow, which centers around the DC archer, Green Arrow.

2012 truly is the year of the arrow and to celebrate this I have compiled what I consider to be, the ultimate list of fictional archers.

Enjoy.

10 – The Pink Ranger

When I used to play Power Rangers as a kid, I must admit that I was always a little jealous of the Pink Ranger. I probably shouldn’t admit that, but we’re all friends here right…right? Anyways she may have had the worst Zord (the screeching, flying, chest piece bit) but she did have the bow for her weapon – not as good as Saba, White Rangers sword, but still cool. So yeah, she may not be the greatest archer in the world (did she ever actually hit anything?) but she was a Power Ranger with a bow dammit, and that means she makes the list.

Fun Fact – Amy Jo Johnson who played the original Pink Ranger now makes a living as an artist of er…interesting art. Check it out by clicking here.

9 – Legolas

Did you hear about the kid who only got Mega-Bloks for Christmas? … He was Legolas…

Why is Legolas not atop this list like the golden archer he is? Well, first of all, he tops most lists and where’s the fun in that? Secondly, no one likes a cocky bastard (go team Gimli) and finally, yeah he’s a good archer but elves pretty much live forever and given enough time, anyone can master anything. I’m not naturally adept at speaking Turkish, juggling barbecues or farting the alphabet, but gimme enough years and I’m sure I could do all three at once. With this thinking in mind, I just can’t rate Legolas any higher. Also he needs a tan…and a haircut.

8 – Green Arrow

Oliver McQueen, a.k.a Green Arrow, is cool but he’s number #8 on this list due to his complete unoriginality. He is a billionaire playboy by day, who happens to be a talented athlete, who uses his wealth to kit himself out and promptly stalks the rooftops with a quiver of gadgets and sometimes a boy sidekick. Sounds an awful lot like another of DC’s popular heroes… AND Green Arrow can’t even come up with his own costume – he wears the funny hat and everything. Still, he’s popular enough to get his own brand new tellybox series Arrow, set to hit later this year and anyone with the balls to dress like that outside of a fancy dress party gets points.

7 – Merida from Brave

The film isn’t out for another couple of weeks, but with Brave, Pixar is taking us back in time to Scotland. This film will be Pixar’s first foray into fairy tales and Merida is their first female protagonist. Without a doubt, it is going to be brilliant and has potential to be the best Pixar film yet. The story follows Merida, a Scottish princess, who kicks ass with a bow and arrow. She looks badass, has awesome hair and for Pixar to have chosen her to be the lead in a film revolving around archery, she can only be amazing. As an extra bonus, Mumford and Sons are on the soundtrack – yippee.

6 – Hank from Dungeons and Dragons

There are a few great unanswered questions in life. Why don’t the same amount of socks ever come out of the washing machine as went in? If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, is a bear still Catholic? Can blancmange ever truly be considered edible? All of these great questions pale when compared with this one: what actually happened to the kids of the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon? They certainly never got home as the series was axed before it could be concluded. But wherever they are, Hank the Ranger is leading them to safety. Hank is a damned cool archer. Not only did he lead the dysfunctional but generally merry band of heroes through the series but he also shot arrows of pure energy. Think Iron Man’s repulsor beams, but as bolts from a golden bow – perfect.

Fun Fact – Venger, one of the main antagonists in the series was actually the son of the wise old Dungeon Master.

5 – Hawkeye

Hawkeye used to look pretty, pretty lame but with thanks to The Ultimates (a reimagining of The Avengers released in 2000) coupled with the need for a more modern look (a la the X-men movies), Hawk now looks rather cool. He’s also pretty awesome and serves as the more human part of The Avengers. This guy stands side by side with the god of thunder and a big green rage monster and manages to hold his own. That alone gets him a top 5 spot in this list.

AND, that blind shot towards the end of The Avengers movie… ‘nuff said.

Fun Fact – Hawkeye initially started out as a bad guy in the comics after being duped by the then villainous Black Widow.

4 – Link

I don’t feel the need to justify this one. All I will do is remind you of that moment when you first got the bow when playing Ocarina Of Time. You held it aloft while the dah dah dah daaaaaah music played, and for that brief moment, life was perfect. Plus, Link has magical arrows that can shoot all sorts of cool stuff and anyone who can fire ice arrows while riding a horse gets my vote. Link = Win.

3 – Katniss Everdeen

Katniss, ‘The Girl Who Was On Fire,’ bane of the Capitol and the only character on this list that is named after an edible plant. Not only is she highly skilled in all forms of survival but she’s also a revolutionary who is not afraid to kill when necessary. Among other things, it is Katniss’ skill with a bow that garners her huge pre-game acclaim. This, in turn gains her the best corporate backing, placing her on a pedestal and thus positioning her perfectly to lead the revolution. That’s pretty damned cool.

I also, wouldn’t be surprised if off the back of The Hunger Games, millions of kids have picked up archery as a hobby and that can’t be a bad thing either.

2 – Cupid

Yeah he’s a silly, baby looking thing but this guy is a conqueror. With his stupid arrows that have heart shapes for points, Cupid wields the power of love. –Cue Frankie Goes To Hollywood music now-

He has the power to make the greatest people crumble, the happiest clown sad and put a smile on the grumpiest of grumps. He has given us Shakespeare’s sonnets and unfallable companionship. He has also forced the fall of Troy, bad 80s music and Mills and Boon novels. Anyone with this kind of power should be both fear  ed and respected.

1 – Gizmo

Gizmo has to be the greatest archer in the world.

At the end of Gremlins 2: The New Batch, the Gremlins are running riot. They are multiplying at a ridiculous rate and consuming genetic concoctions that are turning them in to monstrous bats and spiders and even pure electricity. Brain Gremlin (a gremlin made genius due to genetic madness) is trying to create sunlight resistant gremlins and basically the world is pretty fucked. Billy, our human hero, takes care of most of the critters but there’s still one, Mohawk, who is now half spider and coming to kill our heroine. One gremlin alive can populate the entire world in hours so he must be stopped… In steps Gizmo. Dressed up as Rambo and sporting a bow made out of a paperclip and a rubber band. Giz lights a bottle of Tipex (white correctional fluid) that is sat on the end of his arrow (pencil) and fires the flaming thing, thus killing the gremlin and saving the entire world. With one arrow he saves THE ENTIRE WORLD! Did Legolas ever manage that? Pfft, he was too busy gorging on lembas bread and juggling barbecues.

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The Notable Mention Goes To…

My Grandmother

Here’s a true story for you. My grandma is from Nottingham, UK and her maiden name was Sherwood. When she was a little girl she was told that she was a descendant of the great Robin of Sherwood, a.k.a Robin Hood. Cool right?

If this is true (I highly doubt it is) then I too am a descendant of Robin Hood…Autographs are £2 each.

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