Ring the Bells by C. K. McDonnell – Review

Christmas. It’s the most magical time of the year, but nobody ever said that was a good thing.

When a well-meaning book group turned witches coven attempt to perform a ritual of peace, they get a whole load of anything but. Meet Zalas, a chaos-loving old god who is the reason a university librarian apparently slaughtered the rest of her book group.

The Stranger Times is hot on his trail, but it’s hard to track down a being that can pass from person to person just by touch. And contact with this demonic visitor leaves his unwitting hosts bewildered and, more often than not, covered in blood. The team are trying to track him down and also trace the mysterious book that was used inadvertently to summon him. It seems the book group were unwitting patsies, but who would benefit by unleashing a force of sheer chaos?

Mind you it’s not exactly plain sailing for Zalas. The modern world’s proving tricky to navigate. Back in the good old days, all he needed to do was demonstrate his capacity for spectacular violence and followers would flock to him. Now everybody runs away screaming.

Like all gods, to thrive and survive he needs believers, but people don’t seem to believe in anything anymore. And as he passes from host to host he can’t find any faith to latch onto until, that is, he meets Barry Fearns, a down-on-his-luck Santa Claus at Wonderama, the disastrous ‘Christmas experience’ that’s coming soon to a consumer affairs TV programme near you.

Thanks to Zalas, it’s transformed into a magical place where dreams really do come true. Because children are the last true believers and Zalas has found a way into their little hearts. Returning home, they find all their Christmas wishes granted—from unicorns and dinosaurs to grandad visiting, even though he died last year…

As Zalas’ power grows and grows, the Founders struggle to contain the alarming amount of magic spewing forth into the world, and Banecroft and the Stranger Times gang are in a race against time. Because on Christmas eve, when the bells toll, Zalas will gather his followers unto him and when he does, he’ll be unstoppable.

This fifth book in The Stranger Times series is just as weird, chaotic, sweary, and wildly entertaining as the ones before it, opening with a very gruesome murder that immediately sets the tone. The Stranger Times crew remain a glorious mess of incompetence, bad decisions, and questionable life choices, and by now I am deeply attached to every last one of these strange little weirdos. Adding Christmas to that mix was always going to be dangerous, and unsurprisingly, everything goes wrong very quickly.

If you work at The Stranger Times, Christmas is not about peace, calm, or goodwill. It’s about avoiding the next possible apocalypse, dealing with hackers, ancient gods, and an alarming amount of bodily fluids, while picking up bits of character backstory along the way. There is a lot happening here, including deeper insight into familiar faces and even the backstory of our favourite stoned Caribbean Rastafarian. Festive cheer, Stranger Times’ style.

At the centre of the chaos is an old god who thrives on disorder and bloodshed and is having a very hard time adapting to the modern world. Apparently, spectacular violence no longer builds a loyal following the way it once did. The exploration of belief, faith, and why children might be the last true believers is both ridiculous and surprisingly clever, and the Santa-themed disaster spirals exactly as far out of control as you would expect.

I would still recommend starting with book one if you can, simply because the characters and running jokes are half the fun. That said, if what you want is an urban fantasy Christmas story full of swearing, booze, demons, and absolutely zero cozy vibes, this can be read on its own. You will miss some context, and some side characters will feel extra strange, but honestly, that is very much on brand.

Humour is subjective, and I’m sure some readers will find this kind of comedy cheap or annoying. I could personally do with a bit less fart humour. Still, I love these books precisely because they lean fully into the nonsense. The jokes are often low-hanging, the characters are terrible at almost everything, and watching a group of deeply unqualified people try to save the world is endlessly entertaining.

This is a loud, messy, foul-mouthed Christmas story about belief, chaos, and doing the right thing despite being spectacularly bad at it. Not festive in a warm and fuzzy way, but perfect if you like your Christmas reads weird, irreverent, and just a little bit unhinged.

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