Excuse the personal post here, if you don’t know me very well you probably want to skip it! š
Some of you may have noticed thatĀ I’ve been a bit quieter than usual these last few weeks (less tweeting, less Facebook, less Forum posting, etc). I’d been preparing for a boxing match that took place last night – 13/02/2016. As I told friends and family before the match, whether I won or lost, it was toĀ be my last.
I’ve been competing in martial arts (MMA, Jiu Jitsu, Muaythai, Kickboxing and Boxing) since 2006 and I always promised myself that I’d give it no more than 10 years (until I was 30) to see how far I could go before walking away. I’m very aware of the long term damage that Boxing/Kickboxing/Mixed Martial Arts can leave you with if you push on for too long or go further than your abilities dictate you should.
I’ve not lost a fight since 2009, but in the boxing match I hadĀ beforeĀ last night’s (which I won by decision) I took a shot that rocked me fairly good (or bad – from my perspective!). The result was that I suffered a concussion (a bruise on the brain) and subsequently post concussion syndrome that lasted for about 3-4 weeks. If you areĀ someone who reads and writes, like myself, imagine this: your mind cannot absorb sentences when reading (so you simply cannot read) and when you speak/write you put the wrong words into the wrong places. You might be talking to a friend and say their name wrong or mean to ask for a drink and ask for a dog. You might confuse yourĀ adjectives to the extent that your speech becomes incomprehensible and your writing is unreadable. There’s also a constant feeling that I can only describe as being within a cloud, you feel dizzy and ‘light’, you are confused by the simplest questions and the headaches are excruciating. You lose time and your memory is hit or miss. A feeling that I imagine must beĀ depression is likelyĀ the result of all these factors as opposed to a result of the concussion, but it’sĀ there whatever the cause.
Obviously, when I was suffering with this I wasn’t sure when (or even if) I’d ever get back to full health and it was pretty terrifying. It meant that work was almost impossible, I couldn’t read or write reviews for Fantasy-Faction, and even speaking through text or social media took A LOT of checking and contemplation. Speaking to people was a bit easier, because I pretty much didn’t do it beyond single word replies, but when I had to and inevitably said the wrong words I’d getĀ odd looks (it wasn’t something I spoke much about or explained as I was embarrassed). Thankfully, the symptoms slowly faded away and I was back to normal after that three to four week period (as normal as I ever have been, anyway!).
Of course, upon experiencing this concussion and its after effects, I felt it was probably time to quit. I’d almost lost something important: my ability to read, to write, to seamlessly communicate, to function as a normal human being (talking extremes). However, I didn’t want to leave 10 years of competing and training and loving everything about martial arts on a negative note… I wanted to make sure I was walking away because I wanted to and not because I was forced to or I was scared of doing something I loved. I met my partner of 7 years through martial arts, I met my best friends through martial arts and I think the discipline I’ve gained from it is probably what had me start Fantasy-Faction and keep it going as long as I have too.
So, I agreed to this fight… and it was heldĀ last night. It was damned hard. There were points in the match that it could have gone either way (the best kind of fights are ones that either opponent CAN win – there is no fun or sense in putting two fighters together when one has overwhelming odds stacked for or against them, in my eyes). However, I felt comfortable and confident, I felt I dictated the tempo of the match and I wasn’t overly tired byĀ the end (my opponent seemed to be), so I knew I’d won the decision by the finalĀ bell. That’s a good place to leave things.
Now that I’m leaving competition behind, I’m finally going to be able to spend more time on my own writing – something I put aside in favour of reviewing and martial arts when I recovered from myĀ back injury – and promoting short stories, which is a form I don’t think gets nearly enough attention. There are also really great projects that will take Fantasy-Faction to the next level and provide betterĀ content for our readersĀ that I’ve selfishly been putting back whilst pursuing my own goals in martial arts too (Podcasts, Anthologies, Youtube Content, Conventions, Grim Gatherings, USĀ Events and so on). I will also be able to be a bit more reachable for fans and the incredible contributors to Fantasy-Faction too, who I’ve always felt I haven’t done enough for or made feel appreciated enough.
So, there you go š A long rambling post to start off your Sunday morning that essentially says: thank you for being patient these last few years and now that my martial arts ‘stuff’ is out the way and I’m 100% healthy, expect bigger and better things from Fantasy-Faction in the coming years š
Thanks for reading!
Geoff Matthews
Julia Kitvaria Sarene
Hi Marc, well… that explains a few things… Fingers crossed you’re up and running again soon…
My usual sign-off of ‘Take care’ seems even more appropriate here… š
Alex
Haha – indeed! Sorry for being a bit slow with our e-mails, Alex. Should have told you, but I wanted to get the job done (or not), before opening up about things.
Congrats on 10 great years in the fight game and a triumphant end of but one career. I am a huge fan of all martial arts (especially MMA) and it can definitely take a toll. I have been following your posts for the last number of years and I have appreciated your personal insights just as much as your reviews, interviews, reveals, etc. We wish you the best in your next endeavours and I am excited to see the future of the Fantasy Faction!
It can. I had a short bout of retirement in 2009/2010, which is what led me to Fantasy books and founding Fantasy-Faction actually – I did some real damage to my back. It means a lot that my views are appreciated and read, honestly, before setting up F-F I never imagined anyone would read or care about anything I wrote/thought about, so the last 24 hours since posting this have been hugely rewarding and emotional š
Congratulations on your win and more so on retiring on your own terms. It is always hard to give up something you are good at and people do not realise how addictive martial arts are.
A very frank explanation of concussion and it’s symptoms (writers take note) you dont walk off a head injury.
My experience was not being able to type the word YOU in the right order for about 5 months until the brain rerouted itself.
Anyway so about the Grim Gathering….
I think the addictive element of martial arts is, as you say, overlooked. You can always have ‘one more fight’ or drop down a level to say semi-contact, do well in that and convince yourself you are still fit for full-contact and find yourself in that circle of never being able to call it a day.
Concussions seem to offer an array of symptoms and they vary a lot (I guess being a bruise, it depends where it is and how bad it is, etc). I am frankly amazed at the number of messages I got yesterday from people who have been rocked by a concussion.
Found this website last year sometime.
Have really enjoyed the writing posts, many of them from yourself, and also many of the reviews.
So thanks for that! Good luck on your further ventures, and I hope to perhaps take part š
Aww, thanks Joseph š We are glad to have you!
Ouch. Glad you’re back to your version of normal! That’s always been one of my greatest fears. Waking up one day and not being able to do the things my brain used to be able to. Thank God you pulled out of it.
I think we all fear that and although I will miss combat sports, I won’t miss the anxiety I might end up doing this to myself (again / more permanently).
Great to hear that you are healthy and there’s been no lasting damage.
Looking forward to lots of new exciting projects in the future with FF.
Thank you, Sir! Me too! š
I am super glad you wrote this post. Growing up I was a competitive horse back rider (cross country jumping) an managed it through concussion broken bones (including a spinal fracture) I’ve also done beer league hockey (goalie)
I got my first “over 30” concussion in 2011. Before that concussion I published a novel and 6 short stories, since then I’ve only finished 3 longish short stories.
To get to my point – I’m just starting to feel normal again. I can not believe the difference between the recovery if you are over 30 I think that people don’t understand that and it is good to see someone who does.
That said, I wouldn’t stop training either. ?
When I got a concussion from falling down a flight of stairs, the after-effects lasted for over a year, however mild they may have been. I’d get weird sensory stuff, like intense images and feelings when I listened to music, and when images on TV were moving past a certain speed (such as in the majority of action movies), I’d become very motion sick. For the first while after the stair-fall, I’d get confused really easily, have memory lapses (I once walked into a grocery store for milk, and stopped dead in the middle of an aisle because I suddenly couldn’t remember why I was there or even how I’d gotten there), and couldn’t even look at a backlit screen without terrible headaches. Comparatively mild compared to what could have happened, but I definitely understand how difficult it can all be to explain to someone, especially that odd ‘light’ feeling you described.
I’m glad you’re healthy again, and that the post-concussion syndrome stuff has faded. Here’s to an awesome Fantasy Faction future!