Greetings Faction Readers! I write to you tonight from my new home in Ontario, observing a curious local ritual this evening by which I spend my time chasing urchins, inexplicably demanding free candy, away from my doorstep. The little beasts are persistent and I have been forced to inevitably throw some token chocolate (the kind I don’t like, of course) at them to make them go away.
The last time we spoke I wondered aloud, and perhaps somewhat petulantly, why we need so much blood and violence in our fantasy literature. I received many excellent comments on the subject and I wish to thank everyone who indulged, and opined upon, my rantings.
Tonight I wish to further indulge my own petulance and ask another question: What the hell did they do to Conan in popular culture? The grunting, monosyllabic creature portrayed in both Schwarzenegger films, and the new Momoa version, bears only a cursory resemblance to the savage, yet fiercely cunning, hero of Robert E. Howard’s original tales. True, Conan was no scholar and had little use for most of ‘civilized’ society. Still, there was always a frightening cunning to his actions and he very often demonstrated an ability to out-think and out-scheme enemies who were ostensibly more intelligent than he. The cunning and strategy in the films is usually planned by other people, while Conan simply runs straight forward and eviscerates, decapitates, or outright obliterates his foes.
Certainly such scenes exist in the brutal stories Howard wrote; Conan is in many cases as much animal as man, reacting with savage instinct and predatory ferocity and rending his foes to pieces. Conan is a creature of his appetites, not given too much reflection. Indeed, his personal philosophy is phrased perfectly and intriguingly in The Queen of the Black Coast as he tells his lover, Belit,
“I have known many gods. He who denies them is as blind as he who trusts them too deeply. I seek not beyond death. It may be the blackness averred by the Nemedian skeptics, or Crom’s realm of ice and cloud, or the snowy plains and vaulted halls of the Nordheimer’s Valhalla. I know not, nor do I care. Let me live deep while I live; let me know the rich juices of red meat and stinging wine on my palate, the hot embrace of white arms, the mad exultation of battle when the blue blades flame and crimson, and I am content. Let teachers and priests and philosophers brood over questions of reality and illusion. I know this: if life is illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me. I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content.”
This statement, paraphrased in the 2011 film version, is a rare glimpse into the mind and soul of this savage child of Cimmeria. Conan lives a life his own in all respects and his motivations are often unpredictable and a mystery to the reader. He seems to follow whims; serving as pirate captain, mercenary leader, royal guard captain, thief, vagabond, freedom fighter and, finally, King of Aquilonia.
It is as king that Conan is often most interesting. From the moment he wrests the crown from Numedides and claims the throne for his own, Conan is a controversial figure. In many ways a simple barbarian, Conan (in his own way) champions religious freedom and he declares in reference to the Church of Asura, long mistrusted by the people, “If they are black magicians, how will they suffer you to harry them? If they are not, there is no evil in them. Crom’s devils! Let men worship what gods they will.”
Such tolerance makes him a close friend to the Asurans who are instrumental in his reclamation of the throne when it is stolen from him by the ancient necromancer, Xaltotun. Indeed, The Hour of the Dragon, the story of his loss and reclamation of the crown of Aquilonia draws heavily on his past life and is an excellent revisiting of the earlier tales.
Where is this Conan? Why don’t we ever see him in modern media? We get the savage beast but never the enigmatic wanderer. His education is hinted at in the Schwarzenegger version, referencing his tutelage in poetry and philosophy, but we never see more than that. All we get are Arnold’s pecs and lots of blood. Am I being picky? Of course I am; I’m a fantasy nerd! But I hope my point is made. There is so much more to Conan than is presented in film and I personally wish we could see the true ‘Howard’ Conan on screen someday.
Alas, I must leave you again, Faction Readers. The urchins are stepping up their invasion and I must thwart them with candy lest my new home become overwhelmed. Happy Hallowe’en to you all and we will speak again soon!
Julia Kitvaria Sarene
I was very disappointed with the latest Conan offering. I was hoping with the success of other fantasy films (LOTR, the forthcoming Hobbit, and tv version of Game of Thrones) that a serious effort was going to be put into the film. Instead, what we got was effectively a made-for-tv-movie. And a poor one at that. At times I thought I was watching Zena: Warrior Princess or Hercules with Kevin Sorbo. I think it’s a real shame, as the failure of the film economically, and critically, means it’ll be a long time before anyone touches Conan again.
I have a great idea for a Conan screen play. A young Cimmerian boy is captured by Hyperboreans and fights his way out of the slave pit, runs across the wilderness pursued by wolves, finds an ancient tomb and wrests a sword from the hands of a mummy which rises up. Parents are doing fine back in the homeland. Oh, that’s right, that story has already been told, in the books. Don’t forget that Conan of the literature was Conan the Linguist, speaking fluently a dozen languages. He was a general who led armies. He haunted the libraries of Tarantia when he was king. And the biggest lack of the movies and the comics? Like an intelligent football player, Conan strapped on every piece of protective gear he could get, He was always described as having at least a chain hauberk on his precious hide, when king it was a suit of plate. I am very disappointed by the movie and comic portrayals of this fantasy icon. I recommend none of them. I recommend the books and stories of Robert E. Howard, and the efforts of de CAmp and Carter to flesh the series out.