July 19, 2018, 12:42:01 PM

Author Topic: Only Mostly Dead Poets Society  (Read 10147 times)

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Only Mostly Dead Poets Society
« Reply #75 on: February 04, 2018, 03:22:49 AM »
My Two Hearts
Spoiler for Hiden:
There are two hearts, not one, inside of my chest,
That heat me and beat me from beneath the same breast,
Two hearts here inside me right from my start,
Two hearts that divide me and tear me apart.

One heart is cold and it beats slowly but strong,
It only wakes from its slumber when things have gone wrong.
It cares not a bit for the details or pain;
It just does the math, sees the truths that are plain:
That the lesser evil of several is the right path to take,
Even when what is lesser is bad enough to break,
My other, warmer heart, that would quake and refuse,
To weigh grisly horrors and could never choose,
To live or to act when all acts are impure,
And strength is what’s needed to overcome or endure.
No fear has my cold heart, just a grim, evil grin,
It just shrugs and it nods when the bad things begin.

When the path to compassion and mercy leads through,
Ruthless action and endurance and dreadful deeds I must do,
My cold heart only smiles as the bad news comes in,
When the delicacies all die and it’s time to begin.

Immune to distraction, it’s that heart I trust,
When strength is what is needed to do what I must.
To do things that no one ever wishes to do,
To make tough decisions that I will come to rue,
To prevent what is worse, to save all that can be,
Knowing that one day those actions will damn me,
When my warmer heart suffers long after the danger,
Sees memories of horrors, and in my mirror, a stranger.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline Bradley Darewood

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Re: Only Mostly Dead Poets Society
« Reply #76 on: February 04, 2018, 05:51:57 AM »
OK, deal me in. Ante up.

She is deafened by the sound of her own opinions.
They echo and rattle between the walls.
She rings them like cathedral bells;
There she is in the back
red-faced as a sacristan
delirious among the bell ropes.

How do you know my mother well enough to write a poem about her?

Offline Bradley Darewood

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Re: Only Mostly Dead Poets Society
« Reply #77 on: February 04, 2018, 07:56:30 AM »

I wish I could write some songs like this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlP9aJnzyZw

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Only Mostly Dead Poets Society
« Reply #78 on: February 04, 2018, 09:25:56 AM »
My Two Hearts
Oh my...
the feelings it raises are uncanny
At home in the Fantasy Faction forum!

"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all" - Douglas Adams

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Only Mostly Dead Poets Society
« Reply #79 on: February 04, 2018, 04:43:28 PM »
My Two Hearts
Oh my...
the feelings it raises are uncanny

Such as?  I am genuinely interested to hear reactions on this one, as it was a real bear to wrestle. It's long, but I did not get to specific things I wanted to mention; I was unable to control the words, and so undesired connotations remain - it is very imprecise. I almost scrapped it altogether.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline JMack

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Re: Only Mostly Dead Poets Society
« Reply #80 on: February 04, 2018, 04:54:16 PM »
My Two Hearts
Oh my...
the feelings it raises are uncanny

Such as?  I am genuinely interested to hear reactions on this one, as it was a real bear to wrestle. It's long, but I did not get to specific things I wanted to mention; I was unable to control the words, and so undesired connotations remain - it is very imprecise. I almost scrapped it altogether.

You know I love your poems. I didn’t love this one, though it had intriguing ideas. I wanted more balance in the comparison of the two hearts, but the poem focused only on the hard one. I also found the shifting rhythms distracting. It seemed (though I read quickly, sorry to say) that the meter changed and wandered through the lines.

Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Only Mostly Dead Poets Society
« Reply #81 on: February 04, 2018, 05:22:27 PM »
I also found the shifting rhythms distracting. It seemed (though I read quickly, sorry to say) that the meter changed and wandered through the lines.
Yeah, trying to write a poem about two hearts with different beats that has two different beats was a great risk.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Only Mostly Dead Poets Society
« Reply #82 on: February 04, 2018, 06:01:20 PM »
I worked on Two Hearts for hours, and unlike I normally do, I had notes from previous ideas and false-starts. There are foundational problems, as I could not decide on what tone to take, nor could I decide how much of myself to use. I had intended a whole section to the warmer heart, but I sort of assumed everyone considers their own heart warm, and so it would be implied that the subject's warmer heart would be those things: warm, sentimental and empathetic/sympathetic, etc. Be glad I removed the bits about killing suffering animals and people. The meter wasn't a problem until it was. When I merged the two hearts it had impacts on the meter, but I thought it would be clever and symbolic to leave them. And horribly convenient and easy hahahahaha ;)

I remain conflicted on what I was trying to assemble, and not very happy with the result. It reads like the guy from Split :-\ until the ending, which undermines that unintended-but-specific and powerful image with a sympathetic feel that is more appropriate to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_l4Ab5FRwM
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Only Mostly Dead Poets Society
« Reply #83 on: February 04, 2018, 10:12:29 PM »
My Two Hearts
Oh my...
the feelings it raises are uncanny

Such as?  I am genuinely interested to hear reactions on this one, as it was a real bear to wrestle. It's long, but I did not get to specific things I wanted to mention; I was unable to control the words, and so undesired connotations remain - it is very imprecise. I almost scrapped it altogether.
The personality split, the knowing of what you have to do as the lesser of 2 evils, being direct, to the point, the courage of your decisions, etc etc
Don't make me analyse it ;)
At home in the Fantasy Faction forum!

"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all" - Douglas Adams

Offline Skip

Re: Only Mostly Dead Poets Society
« Reply #84 on: February 05, 2018, 10:46:43 AM »
This one hit me in the middle of the night. Fresh poem. Git yer fresh poems here!



She flew away from the sea tower
high across the salt hills.

White horses bore her among the gardiens,
through the brown marsh of the marais,
to the Arelat city,
where young men dare the horns of black bulls.

She rode with routiers,
the wagoneers,
along dusty roads, over wide rivers,
into the mountains where lives the fierce tarrasco.

She was the silver gull,
the child of great promise.
With her came the gnome,
the trovador
and the elf chevalier.

Mighty wizards trembled at their tread.

Offline Bradley Darewood

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Re: Only Mostly Dead Poets Society
« Reply #85 on: February 06, 2018, 02:49:17 AM »
This one hit me in the middle of the night. Fresh poem. Git yer fresh poems here!



She flew away from the sea tower
high across the salt hills.

White horses bore her among the gardiens,
through the brown marsh of the marais,
to the Arelat city,
where young men dare the horns of black bulls.

She rode with routiers,
the wagoneers,
along dusty roads, over wide rivers,
into the mountains where lives the fierce tarrasco.

She was the silver gull,
the child of great promise.
With her came the gnome,
the trovador
and the elf chevalier.

Mighty wizards trembled at their tread.

I love this!!!! I can totally hear someone in a cloak singing this to their party entertain themselves as they ride along a long journey through some fantastical forest.

Offline Bradley Darewood

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Re: Only Mostly Dead Poets Society
« Reply #86 on: February 06, 2018, 03:05:40 AM »
Quote
Dawn kisses the winter darkness
and the stirring scent of coffee
steals the poet from his slumber
teasing possibilities
of a cold white horizon painted warm with words

Since my last poem became about coffee, it made me think of an earlier poem i wrote about Nyquil.

Ode to NyQuil

Oh NyQuil,
how doth I love thee!
My poetry hath not the words:
a meager ablution
that is but a distant echo of my true affections.

Thy cherry flavor
doth electrify my senses
a symphony of narcotic sweets
like ambrosia of the gods
or Mad Dog 20/20 mixed with ketamine.

My fingers doth lovingly caress
the stalwart surface of thy shatter-proof plastic.
Thy nighttime vigilance doth comfort
when all others hath abandoned me
to my springtime leprosy.

Oh NyQuil, dearest NyQuil
thy "Nighttime Relief"
to make "my bedtime my best time"
are merely banal words that cannot bespeak
the heavenly bliss of your precious gift
of comatose oblivion.

Offline Skip

Re: Only Mostly Dead Poets Society
« Reply #87 on: February 08, 2018, 07:35:14 PM »
I call this one "Immortality"

Let death come to me in mid-stride, while I am occupied with other matters.
Let my obituary be read and forgotten.
Let my children tell their children about the grandfather they barely knew, spinning tales that make me wise and mysterious.
Let my great-grandchildren at least hear my name.

Then let me be forgotten for a time, little more than a tally in a demographer's chart.

Let the decades blow through, sweeping away generations, then let someone find my name in a genealogy, some great-grand niece, who has always been interested in history.
She will be curious about this distant relative, twice removed by marriage.
(If she finds a photo, let it be one when I was young and strong)
She will record me, one more leaf on the family tree, and there I will sit, filed and so not quite
forgotten.

At long last let me be found one more time, by a historian who will stumble across me
while pursuing other game,
like a deer hunter coming upon a pheasant.
He will be so far removed from me that he finds my life exotic and therefore fascinating.
I will find a place in his book, an anecdote illustrating a larger point.
Let me find immortality
in a footnote.
 

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Only Mostly Dead Poets Society
« Reply #88 on: February 09, 2018, 04:41:35 PM »
She flew away from the sea tower
high across the salt hills.

White horses bore her among the gardiens,
through the brown marsh of the marais,
to the Arelat city,
where young men dare the horns of black bulls.

She rode with routiers,
the wagoneers,
along dusty roads, over wide rivers,
into the mountains where lives the fierce tarrasco.

She was the silver gull,
the child of great promise.
With her came the gnome,
the trovador
and the elf chevalier.

Mighty wizards trembled at their tread.

This stirs many of the same sentiments and visions as this long-forgotten song, which I haven't listened to since the night the war in Iraq started:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWwGV0sdOr0
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline Rostum

Re: Only Mostly Dead Poets Society
« Reply #89 on: February 16, 2018, 03:04:32 AM »
Wow how did you get to 6 pages without me noticing this thread? Some serious talent here.