May 30, 2020, 09:51:15 AM

Author Topic: Group Writing Project - Let's Write the Worst Fantasy Story Ever!  (Read 6537 times)

Offline ultamentkiller

Re: Group Writing Project - Let's Write the Worst Fantasy Story Ever!
« Reply #15 on: July 08, 2016, 11:19:55 PM »
Roger jumped up and sprang out of the tent. Fizzbong sighed. "You know now he's going to try to save his parents, that aren't actually his parents right?"
"Well we can't tell him the truth."
"That's right. If he found out now, he might get a big ego. We still should've let him find his fake parents almost dead though. It's a way safer option."
"True. Oh well. Should we go after him?"
"Not until he's right about to die. I say we have... Five minutes maybe? Let's give him some time, and then we'll sprint after him in a panic."
"Good plan. Now, why did we get divorced again?" Doreen sighed in exasperation. Meanwhile, Tom had been completely absorbed in one of the women who had avoided putting her clothing back on, and missed the entire conversation.

Offline Nighteyes

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Re: Group Writing Project - Let's Write the Worst Fantasy Story Ever!
« Reply #16 on: July 09, 2016, 12:34:53 AM »
Panting heavily, Roger reached the small farmstead he called home. It was just smoking ruins.
"Noooooooooo!" he screamed. "My parents, who are probably not my parents, have been killed by the tribe of used salesmen!"
Just then a woman emerged from the smoking ruins.
"Roger!" she cried. "I am sti..."
Just then a bolt of lightening shot out, extinguishing her.
"Noooo!!!!!!" Roger screamed.
Fitzbang appeared, whistling notchantling.
"Looks like your parents are dead," Fitzbang said. "Time for you to head to Mos Everly with me to start your quest."
"Did you slay her with your rod of lightening?" Roger asked.
"Ummmm.... it was that warlock who just disappeared over that hill ..lets go to Mos Everly to continue your training, and I'll show you my rod there," Fitzbang explained.
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Offline Corvus

Re: Group Writing Project - Let's Write the Worst Fantasy Story Ever!
« Reply #17 on: July 09, 2016, 04:36:03 AM »
Meanwhile, 10,000 leagues away, in an interlude that will make no sense for many books*, psychedelic smoke arose from the braziers set around the goat hide tent of the High Blood Shaman of the People**.  He had taken a toke of the sacred weed, taken a hit of the sacred crystals and of course partaken the sacred mushrooms.
"Behold," he pronounced, his eyes whirling in their sockets, "I have seen the Lost Son of the People.  Take up your Pruning Forks, oh Forks of the People, the only true weapon of a warrior.  We must be to the lands of the Otherlanders, there to appear mysterious and badass, until the Lost Son of the People reveals himself to us.  And the sign of his coming shall be the Great Toe.  We have much to teach him, of Honour, for ours is the only true honour, of Duty, for ours is the only true duty.  And he will led us from these lands, where they charge 15% interest.  And have you seen the price they charge for vegetables these days?  Outrageous."
The effect was rather spoiled as he had spoken to an empty tent, and he was forced to leave to find the People to make his great pronouncement.  It was not until he actually came down from his high that they actually were able to understand just what it was he was saying, and so gathering up their pruning forks, they set forth.



*Chapter 87, Book 13, The Iron Crown of Heavenly Favours to be exact.
** This being the People of the North-Eastern Desolation, not, as would first be assumed the People of the Southern Comforts or the People of the Thirteen Ways or the People of the Great Frost, or any of the other twenty-seven known People.
The Lands of Mist and Shadows - http://mistandshadows.com/
Tales from a Thousand Worlds - http://talesfromathousandworlds.com/

Offline Eclipse

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Re: Group Writing Project - Let's Write the Worst Fantasy Story Ever!
« Reply #18 on: July 09, 2016, 05:26:31 AM »
On their way to Mos Everly a barbarian of a total handsomeness with a gorgeous masculine body upon the eyes had  approached the party

" I will help you Roger" shouted the  barbarian  rather loudly "I've turned my back on being an evil car salesman and for my sins I've trained my body to perfection and escaped from a grimdark novel to be the comic relief in this story and gave up my suit to just wear this little loin cloth for my modesty my role model is xena warrior princess"

Fitzbang admired the barbarian chest just a little bit too long.

Onwards the party of heroes travel.
« Last Edit: July 09, 2016, 05:38:50 AM by Eclipse »
According to some,* heroic deaths are admirable things

* Generally those who don't have to do it.Politicians and writers spring to mind

Jonathan Stroud:Ptolmy's Gate

Offline Eclipse

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Re: Group Writing Project - Let's Write the Worst Fantasy Story Ever!
« Reply #19 on: July 09, 2016, 05:30:55 AM »
@Lanko the god of cats looked down from heaven admiring his feline army.
According to some,* heroic deaths are admirable things

* Generally those who don't have to do it.Politicians and writers spring to mind

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Offline Lanko

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Re: Group Writing Project - Let's Write the Worst Fantasy Story Ever!
« Reply #20 on: July 09, 2016, 05:49:36 AM »
@Lanko the god of cats looked down from heaven admiring his feline army.

 :o

Now I'm scared, I was just watching some tiger hunting vids when you posted this.
Slow and steady wins the race.

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Offline Nighteyes

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Re: Group Writing Project - Let's Write the Worst Fantasy Story Ever!
« Reply #21 on: July 09, 2016, 10:49:18 AM »
Fitzbang pulled a bottle of oil out of the pockets of his robe. "Do you need someone to oil those pecks of yours, Colon?" he asked the muscular barbarian.
Colon ignored the sex pest wizard, and sniffed the air.
"Dragocs!" he yelled. "I'd recognize that foul stench anywhere!" 
He pulled out his mighty broadsword and run over to the nearest hillock.  "Follow me young Roger!" he bellowed. "These are still the early chapters so we'll defeat these fiends easily! And you can show what a great swordsman you already are, despite having never seen a sword till just a few hours ago!"
As the two warriors ran off, Fitzbang snifffed the air around him. "I need to cut back on those curries. Probably why Doreen left me," he muttered to himself. Then he pulled out his pipe and sat down on a nearby rock to wait for the return of his companions.
« Last Edit: July 09, 2016, 11:44:20 AM by Nighteyes »
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Offline Lanko

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Re: Group Writing Project - Let's Write the Worst Fantasy Story Ever!
« Reply #22 on: July 09, 2016, 11:21:31 AM »
The wheel of time turned, and day gave way to a dark and stormy night,  and still his companions had not returned. Fitzbang fell asleep alone, cold and miserable.

As the rosy fingers of dawn painted gossamer strands of drifting cumulus over the vast and lovely expanse of the cyan night, a gentle zephyr nudged sleeping emerald leaves to sibilant stirrings, nature welcoming the dawn of another warm and beautiful morning, Fitzbang found a note at his side.

It was about his friends. They were imprisoned by Kitler, supreme leader of the feline race.

Fitzbang stood and made his way to Pawris, the new feline capital.
Slow and steady wins the race.

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Offline Nighteyes

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Re: Group Writing Project - Let's Write the Worst Fantasy Story Ever!
« Reply #23 on: July 09, 2016, 11:54:26 AM »
As he was walking, Fitzbang began to feel peckish. Hanging from a tree by a rope, he saw a tasty rump steak.  He ran over and tugged on the steak. Suddenly Fitzbang felt himself being pulled up quickly into the tree. He was trapped in a net!
"Oh Fitzbang!" smirked Doreen emerging from the trees. "Always thinking with either your stomach or your magic rod."
Behind her appeared his adopted daughter Lollipop, and the girl from the village Roger lusted after, Laura.
"Where's Roger?" whimpered Laura.
"Typical weak man!" laughed Lollipop. "Been kipnapped by either orks, dragocs, a used car salesman or a feline. There's so many evil henchmen wandering around I am losing track!"
"Talking about losing track," interjected Tom. "Am I with you ladies or with the lads in the kitty sex dungeons?"
"You are with us," snapped Doreen, clipping him around the ear. "And stop fiddling with your mankini!"
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Online ScarletBea

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Re: Group Writing Project - Let's Write the Worst Fantasy Story Ever!
« Reply #24 on: July 09, 2016, 02:20:46 PM »
(I'm loving this - our RPGs on steroids, towards the end, when everyone is confused about the plot and nobody cares about making sense anymore ;D)
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Offline xiagan

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Re: Group Writing Project - Let's Write the Worst Fantasy Story Ever!
« Reply #25 on: July 09, 2016, 08:21:34 PM »
On the other side of the mountains Bangfitz, self-proclaimed nemesis of Fitzbang, prepared for his trip. He wanted revenge. And he needed lots of honey, a stuffed squirrel and a mankini for it. The days where Fitzbang lived innocently and without sorrow were counted. Soon...
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Offline Finn McCool

Re: Group Writing Project - Let's Write the Worst Fantasy Story Ever!
« Reply #26 on: July 09, 2016, 11:32:12 PM »
it was obvious as Fitzbang fell to the ground that there were, in fact, no more days to count.  He fell to the ground as a blood splattered dagger slide from his side.  "NOOO!!!!" shouted Roger as he ran to his master's side to hear the final words of his mentor.  "You can't die yet.  We haven't finished the training montage let alone had your character been endearingly developed enough to provide me with motivation to continue on."
"There's no need to worry." Fitzbang managed.  "My character is bad-ass enough for you to fulfil whatever vague objective I had planned, but before I die, I must tell you something important."
"Please no." Roger begged as tears streamed down his face.  "That's an obvious death flag."
"But I must.  Roger, I have meant to tell you this for long days past, and now you shall at long last know."  Roger inclined his ear closer.  "Yo mama was so..." a dagger slit across the throat ended whatever pitiful punch-line was in store.
"Master," Roger murmured between sobs as he cleaned off his knife, "I am glad to have known you and killed you."  Doreen stared in abject horror at this bizarre character development while Laura and Lollipop...

Offline Nighteyes

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Re: Group Writing Project - Let's Write the Worst Fantasy Story Ever!
« Reply #27 on: July 09, 2016, 11:42:50 PM »
Laura and Lollipop nodded at each other. Laura put her arm around Roger. "Oh Roger. I am so sorry."
"What do you know of my pain!" Roger cried.
"Well my own father was killed by a dragoc in front of me last winter and my poor mother brutally attacked ..." Laura began.
"You know nothing of the loss I feel!" Roger continued.
"Ummm, you only met him yesterday," Lollipop interjected. "Besides which he was MY adopted father."
"LEAVE ME ALONE! I MUST BE ON MY OWN!" Roger shouted in anguish.
"How comes you weren't this upset by the death of the woman and man who had raised you since birth?" continued Lollipop.
"You two know nothing! I must be alone!" Roger lamented, before running off into the night.
"Oh poor Roger," Laura sighed. "If only I could comfort that poor, tormented soul of yours."
Tom could only look on as his friend ran off into the night. "I wish I had Roger's way with the ladies," he sighed to himself. Then he heard the rattle of the dice in his head ...
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