Today's quote from
The Eye of Argon:
"Prepare to embrace your creators in the stygian haunts of hell, barbarian", gasped the first soldier.
"Only after you have kissed the fleeting stead of death, wretch!" returned Grignr.
A sweeping blade of flashing steel riveted from the massive barbarians hide enameled shield as his rippling right arm thrust forth, sending a steel shod blade to the hilt into the soldiers vital organs. The disemboweled mercenary crumpled from his saddle and sank to the clouded sward, sprinkling the parched dust with crimson droplets of escaping life fluid.
The enthused barbarian swilveled about, his shock of fiery red hair tossing robustly in the humid air currents as he faced the attack of the defeated soldier's fellow in arms.
This is an idea that grew out of the great links in
http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/writers-corner/how-to-write-a-sentence-paragraph/. Hal Duncan edits the opening paragraph of 'The Eye of Argon' as well as another sentence, as concrete examples of how to think about paragraphs and sentences.
The idea is to take the quoted passage from '
The Eye of Argon', figure out what the author was trying to say and what the author was trying to do, and rewrite the passage to actually say that and do that better. And then share your results for the amusement and edification of others. Mostly amusement.
Example: (from the link at the link)
Spoiler for "Example":
A sweeping blade of flashing steel riveted from the massive barbarians hide enameled shield as his rippling right arm thrust forth, sending a steel shod blade to the hilt into the soldiers vital organs.
In the hands of Hal Duncan, this transformed step by step into:
From behind his leathered targe, steel flashed, brawn rippled, and the barbarian sank his blade in the soldier's guts, thrust it up to the hilt.
(Notes for the detail oriented: Yes, I know, the sentence Hal Duncan rewrote is in the passage above. He rewrote the first paragraph, so I skipped that. Then I took the next bit of text out to an appropriate stopping point.)