November 17, 2019, 11:51:09 PM

Author Topic: Debut fantasy novel The Heir of Eyria now available  (Read 871 times)

Offline Belrathur

Debut fantasy novel The Heir of Eyria now available
« on: April 21, 2019, 05:05:10 PM »
Hi all,

My debut fantasy novel 'The Heir of Eyria' was recently self-published on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Heir-Eyria-Osku-Alanen-ebook/dp/B07QPZ5WWM/ref=sr_1_fkmrnull_1?keywords=the+heir+of+eyria&qid=1555861846&s=gateway&sr=8-1-fkmrnull

Here's a short blurb in in case it might pique your interest:

Ronan, an aging warrior with a violent past, struggles daily to provide for his son the safety and comfort he knows he deserves. Desperate for coin, he has once more turned to the task of hunting the Daemoni, accompanied by a persuasive voice only he can hear. One day, he meets a mercenary with an offer he cannot refuse, and he embarks on a mission with lucrative pay, which threatens to pummel him down a dark path of violence and destruction he has fought long and hard to leave behind.

Arin, a warrior-monk of the recluse order of Kun'urin, spends his days training and seeking answers to the circumstances of his birth. As the only boy without parents in his isolated village, he works constantly to to prove himself to his peers. Together with his scholarly friend, Nijakim, they stumble upon a dangerous secret that threatens the very existence of their order and the world they live in.

Princess Alessia vas Nerian works tirelessly in her quest to become a respected scholar, a destiny frowned upon by the other members of the royal family. She spends her days isolated in her family mansion doing experiments with ailing prisoners. One day, a mysterious assassin with strange powers threatens to shatter the fragile peace her homeland, the kingdom of Eyria, has forged with the neighboring might, Nubian Empire, sending her on a quest that threatens her very sanity.

Will these unlikely heroes be able to join forces to save a kingdom from ruin, or will they succumb to the machinations of a higher power?

The Heir of Eyria runs at 349 pages.

Offline Bender

Re: Debut fantasy novel The Heir of Eyria now available
« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2019, 02:05:34 AM »
I'll give it a go and post comments here.
Not all those who wander are lost

Offline Belrathur

Re: Debut fantasy novel The Heir of Eyria now available
« Reply #2 on: April 22, 2019, 08:28:45 AM »
Thank you! I would appreciate any and all comments on the characters and the plot - and anything to improve my writing.

Offline Bender

Re: Debut fantasy novel The Heir of Eyria now available
« Reply #3 on: April 30, 2019, 12:58:07 AM »
Thank you! I would appreciate any and all comments on the characters and the plot - and anything to improve my writing.

Finished the book. Was ambivalent towards it. The premise and plot were good, but the plot needs tightening up a lot. And characters need beefing up. They don't seem etched and give a vibe of naivety and amateurishness rather than gravitas. There is also a need to over explain plot as nothing is implied. A bit too contrived to my liking.

Spoiler for Hiden:
The hut with kid was burnt and Ronan didn't even think of who/what burnt it?

Palace alarm wasn't raised in a decade....but they still had multiple murders just before. Weird!

Characters are flaky and don't feel real.
- Ronan is whiny and for a ex-warrior he still is naive and amateur.
- Princess was the only one with a plan and she gets chastised for it's failure. Nobody else had a clue. Then gets out after major tragedy and gets drunk and sleeps happily with stable boy on her first night out! And writing feels like she waiting to be seduced by Raven and even Avalon. The sudden blood thirstiness to the assassin feels out of character too.
- what kind of assassin stabs with poisoned dagger and still come back to check based on a simple ruse? And can't tell if he's seduced a virgin or not! Oh, my.
- Arin is from a order and doesn't believe in oaths. Also heads to Eyra having no idea about his parents and doesn't even think of the pendant.
- Someone just mentioned maids in previous page, yet it was ignored when Arin was arrested.
- Nijakim make a leap of faith when he declares Arin to be the cause of the invasion. There is no indication to point to that at all.

+ Raven killed the son. Brilliant twist. I was suspicious, but this was good and out of the blue.
+ Master Nazek return is good too. Didn't see that coming.
+ The evil god inside a protagonist is a good twist too.
« Last Edit: April 30, 2019, 01:01:21 AM by Bender »
Not all those who wander are lost

Offline Bender

Re: Debut fantasy novel The Heir of Eyria now available
« Reply #4 on: April 30, 2019, 01:03:22 AM »
Apologies if that came across a bit harsh. It still had a brilliant premise that should come out more prominently. The skeletons of characters are good, but writing doesn't bring out their strengths and weakness clearly. Princess in special needs to be a far stronger character.
Not all those who wander are lost

Offline Belrathur

Re: Debut fantasy novel The Heir of Eyria now available
« Reply #5 on: April 30, 2019, 04:41:21 AM »
Thanks for the reply! Precisely the kind of comments I was hoping for. I'll focus on fleshing out my characters next time a lot more. I'm glad you liked some of the twists, though! :)

Offline paul1975

Re: Debut fantasy novel The Heir of Eyria now available
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2019, 03:02:36 PM »
hi there, I'm also a fantasy writer. I'm interested in a book swap. that is I'll send you one of mine for your comment, and I'll comment on yours?

If you are interested, please drop me a msg.

thank you

Paul