December 11, 2019, 01:39:44 PM

Author Topic: RPG 2016: JayMack's Recruiting Thread  (Read 9036 times)

Offline tebakutis

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Re: RPG 2016: JayMack's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #15 on: January 08, 2016, 06:32:15 PM »
In a white flash, a curly-haired teenager with locks of frizzy red hair appeared in the middle of Jaymack's pile of charred Harlequin romances. After glancing around at the carnage, dragon, and ashes, she nodded with satisfaction and set off to find the captain of this fine vessel. After all, this was where she was needed least, and she was determined to be as useless as possible.

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Re: RPG 2016: JayMack's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #16 on: January 08, 2016, 07:06:18 PM »
Leon jumped when a girl mysteriously appeared on board the ship

What's going on it's not possible for a teenage girl to suddenly appear out of nowhere,it must be an illusion involving light maybe lasers to create a hologram thought Leon taking his top hat off to think. inadvertently letting a rabbit escape from his hat,Damn thought Leon I need that rabbit for my stage shows

Leon takes chase after the rabbit
« Last Edit: January 08, 2016, 07:09:06 PM by Eclipse »
According to some,* heroic deaths are admirable things

* Generally those who don't have to do it.Politicians and writers spring to mind

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Offline Lanko

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Re: RPG 2016: JayMack's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #17 on: January 08, 2016, 09:13:42 PM »
Lanko eats the rabbit. No pet shall survive in this ship!
Slow and steady wins the race.

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Offline tebakutis

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Re: RPG 2016: JayMack's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #18 on: January 08, 2016, 10:14:41 PM »
After wandering halls that were way too big for a ship this size, the girl finally found self-styled Captain JayMack reclining in a fold-out chair on a lower deck. The Cap'n had his face buried in a book with a cover sporting a bare-chested Fabio with long blond hair and a busty Jennifer Tilly in a corset. An odd way to describe it, especially since the girl had no idea who those people were. Still, she was just a little insane.

When the Cap'n remained buried in her book, she cleared her throat. When that didn't work, she kicked him in the shins. After a bit of yelping and tumbling folding chair, Captain JayMack tucked the book behind his back and stared at the young woman standing in front of him, fiddling with a small gold medallion.

"Excuse me, sir," the girl said, "but are you the captain of this ship?"

"Who are you?" the befuddled and red-faced Cap'n demanded.

"Name's Lara."

"Lara?"

"Call me Beth."

"But if your name is Lara, why would I..."

"Just go with it."

"Uh, Beth..."

"My name's Lara."

"Right! Larabeth, WHAT IN THE EIGHTEEN CHINESE HELLS ARE YOU DOING ON MY SHIP?"

"Oh!" Larabeth said. "I just wondered if you were in need of any assistance."

"Assistance?" the befuddled Cap'n said.

"Yes. Like, you're on a quest and only a young red-haired girl can help you, or you need a monster turned invisible, or you're really hungry for salmon-covered spam."

Cap'n JayMack was in fact none of those things, which worked well for them both. "No!" he proclaimed.

"Perfect!" Looking pleased, Larabeth grabbed JayMack's folding chair and Harlequin romance novel. "I'll just be over here reading then." She flipped right to the middle, where all the juiciest scenes were.

"Hey!" The Cap'n proclaimed. "That's my last book!"

"Maybe you should read it later," the girl suggested. "After you pump that giant dragon's stomach for your missing cat?"

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Re: RPG 2016: JayMack's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #19 on: January 08, 2016, 11:57:07 PM »
"Enough of this discombobulated tripe and indecision," grumbled Oggy. "No way am I hanging around to be made into Corpseburger. Do or die, wish I had a sword to wave in defiance."

And she jumped into the loathsome yawning terrifying bottomless very smelly Pit.

Back at the castle Smug had re-gained his original size, which is totally utterly unbelievably huge and gigantic and enormous and, incidentally, making him capable of eating ANY upstart-pet-gobbling-dragons in one gulp.  He took off with his mighty wings flapping at top speed and started to home in with Dragon GPS to where Oggy's desperate DDDESP message had come from.
« Last Edit: January 08, 2016, 11:59:04 PM by Lady_Ty »
“This is the problem with even lesser demons. They come to your doorstep in velvet coats and polished shoes. They tip their hats and smile and demonstrate good table manners. They never show you their tails.” 
Leigh Bardugo, The Language of Thorns: Midnight Tales and Dangerous Magic

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Re: RPG 2016: JayMack's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #20 on: January 09, 2016, 11:29:44 PM »
Mr Whiskers emerged from the pantry. "Onto my third life now," he thought as he began licking his balls.  He also wondered how annoyed the humans would be when they realised the only food on the ship was Captain Ackbar cereal, now with added brine. Just then his heckles rose, staring back at him from the reflective surface of the wall was an identical cat, except with a little goatie beard on its chin.   
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Re: RPG 2016: JayMack's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #21 on: January 10, 2016, 03:39:42 AM »
Meanwhile, back at the scene of the crime, the site of malfeasance, the well spring of villainy, the origin of outrage, Oggy sped through the Dread Pit,  her heart in her mouth missing a beat, her blood running cold as she broke into a cold sweat and with her life flashing before her eyes and….

"Oh FFS",  she thought, and spat the butterflies out of her stomach. What total drivel, sack the scriptwriter.

So Ogs  bounced off the wall, shot down a side passage, flew out into daylight and landed in the sea.

"THE SEA ! Freedom!!  Joy!!!  Escape!!!! Hallelujah!!!!!. "  Thought I told you to sack him..........  ( ;) See what I did ?)

"Glug, spit, gasp, Smug hurry up its brass monkeys ………….."

Smug flew North ignoring a voice called Eliza that kept telling him to turn left at the next traffic lights and follow Elm Street to the Caretaker's Room. He ignored it and relied on Oggy's screeching thoughts splitting his skull.

Suddenly (yes, suddenly)he saw a large round object, attached to a pair of luridly striped legs, kicking frantically from below and recognised Oggy's winter drawers.

"Silly old bat, what has she been up to now? By Yoda's ears, she'll owe me ten goats and a dragonette if I get her out of this one." And he dived down to the rescue.
“This is the problem with even lesser demons. They come to your doorstep in velvet coats and polished shoes. They tip their hats and smile and demonstrate good table manners. They never show you their tails.” 
Leigh Bardugo, The Language of Thorns: Midnight Tales and Dangerous Magic

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Re: RPG 2016: JayMack's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #22 on: January 10, 2016, 04:47:48 AM »
Larabeth set the book aside, having sped through all the interesting and naughty parts in record time. It occurred to her that telling the Cap'n that the dragon had eaten his cat was, perhaps almost, bordering on being *somewhat* useful, which generally went again her nature. She wasn't even sure how she had known, given she hadn't seen it happen. Maybe she had read it on the Fantasy-Faction forums.

"The forums?" she muttered to herself. The brief burst of insight faded. She sighed. Just another bit of insanity working its magic. She tossed the book aside and wandered off to find something to eat. Unfortunately, ever cupboard she found was filled with the same full cereal box.

Admiral Ackbar cereal. Shrugging, she opened her bag and munched on an eight-day old piece of salmon covered SPAM.

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Re: RPG 2016: JayMack's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #23 on: January 10, 2016, 11:42:47 AM »
Black JayMack was in a black mood. No matter how much he tried to find competent heroes to help him find Oggy so that she could help him save Fantasia from the threat that Chill and Scarlet thought was coming but which they thought the Captain could help with and JayMack couldn't help but think that was a BAD IDEA! - no matter how hard he tried, he got... bad magicians, crazy thieves, obnoxious dragons, dying cats and... Red heads!

Of course the red head was kind of cute, and the thief was an old friend. And was that spam? Really, JayMack hadn't had spam in a long time now.

But! Back to feeling blackish.

He decided to do something about it.

JayMack walked into the main room, the redhead trailing lazily behind. "OK you crew of misfits. We're heading out of Fantasia to find where Oggy has gone. You can like this post or leave now!"

When only silence greeted him, the little King realized he'd taken a wrong turn in the suddenly-much-larger Talcum and was in the pantry. The shelves were filled with box upon box of calamari cereal. And a cat hissing at its own reflection.

"AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH" screamed JayMack.

Which was the moment that the Talcum, tired of having no one pilot it, crash landed into the rose garden outside of Elfy's library.
« Last Edit: January 10, 2016, 11:45:15 AM by Jmack »
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
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Re: RPG 2016: JayMack's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #24 on: January 10, 2016, 11:57:19 AM »
Henry was used to crash-landing. You could say it was one of his specialties, piloting the flying cat-orphanage and crashing it was a hobby of his after all. So when the Talcum crashed into a rose garden he managed to only get half the contents of the excremental sanitator on his head instead of the whole thing.

While the rest of the crew wobbled out of the ship and kissed the dirt - they were finally safe!- Henry encountered a familiar face trimming the roses.

'Conan! I thought you were headed north to meet up with your family!'
The barbarian threw him an apologetic grin. His current garderobe consisted of a straw hat and a flowery pink dress.
'Henry, I got sidetracked here. You crushed the rosebed though. I'll have to redo the entire thing now. Ask your friend to remove his space junk.'
The little king gave them a dark look. 'What do you mean, Space Junk, Conan?'
They looked at the Talcum, now a heap of scrap. A small explosion sprayed the other half of the excremental contents over the gang.
'Point taken.'

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Re: RPG 2016: JayMack's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #25 on: January 10, 2016, 06:02:27 PM »
Leon appeared out of the space ship into the rose Garden unharmed apart from his top hat was looking a bit singe

Conan would be great for my magic act, I need a strong man for the warm up thought Leon and walked up to him to make him an offer.
According to some,* heroic deaths are admirable things

* Generally those who don't have to do it.Politicians and writers spring to mind

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Offline JMack

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Re: RPG 2016: JayMack's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #26 on: January 10, 2016, 06:11:46 PM »
JayMack grabbed the cat and used it to brush himself off. The claw marks were worth it. A few from the wreckage a small white box with a red lever had rolled to a stop. It was labeled: "scene reset".  That's good thought the king. Might come in handy later bye scrubbed it clean with the cat, blotted blood off on his pants, and put the box into his pants. Wonder what that does for my figure, he asked himself idly.
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)
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Offline Lanko

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Re: RPG 2016: JayMack's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #27 on: January 10, 2016, 06:27:03 PM »
Lanko flew out of the ship as soon it started descending, so he never kissed the dirt or got excrements all over him (although due to his size, his was probably half of the content).

Leon still hadn't switched shirts, and was looking pretty strange with that midriff. Justin couldn't help but stare at it!

Lanko couldn't believe Mr.Whiskers was still alive, but it wasn't a good idea to deal with the cat in public. He noticed a redhead he didn't saw before in the ship.

Redheads.

Redheads are love, redheads are life.

Lanko cleared his throat, which was a bad idea, as smoke poured out his nostrils and mouth. That would give the impression of bad breath, but his voice became thunderous and grave. "Hello there, missy!"

"Oh, hi there, dragon Lanko. Sup?"

"How do you know my name?"

"Ability. I can go unnoticed. Most of the time, anyway. And I'm Larabela."

"Awesome ability. But tell me, who's that and how did we even crash?"

"Captain Jmack was distraught thinking on his lost friend - although I think it was a lover - and forgot to keep the ship steady."

"Humans..."

"And that one is Conan. He is famous for killing anything that comes his way..." She looked at Lanko with caution. "Specially dragons."

Shit. "He actually looks too old to do that, though."

"Yes, he was in his peek back in the 60's or 70's."

Gaining courage with that, Lanko approached Conan and Jmack, discovering they needed to find someone named Oggy to get this going.

Lanko roared. "You, barbarian! I want the dragon ball's radar you have in your pocket!"

Conan widened his eyes. "How do you know I have that?"

"I'm a dragon. Anything to related to my species doesn't pass unnoticed. Now give it to us."

"Why should I do that?" Conan got his Claymore and Jmack pleaded for Lanko to stop. It had a +100 attack bonus and a 60% chance of one hit kill on dragons.

"I'm gonna burn the rest of your garden and nothing will ever grow here again."

The big barbarian dropped to his knees. "No! Anything but my garden!" He reached for his pocket. "Here! The dragon ball's radar!"

Lanko got the radar and handed it to Jmack, who cried tears of joy. He reseted the ship and the radar located Smug's balls and also a Dragon Ball Z sphere nearby.

Beaming with confidence, power and manliness, Jmack shouted orders. "Ok, crew! We are moving!" He turned to Conan, who cowered at his powerful, life-threatening gaze. "You deal with the crap. Maybe it use as fertilizer."

Conan nodded silently and the crew entered the ship. Lanko carefully stomped Mr.Whiskers when nobody was looking. Conan would take the blame for that as well.

Jmack gave Lanko a fireproof e-reader and tons of meat. Also, Larabeth, impressed with Lanko's even greater manliness and courage, stayed in his room, telling how awesome he was and feeding him while treating his scales.

Books, banquets and redheads. Life is good, thought Lanko.
 
Slow and steady wins the race.

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