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Author Topic: RPG 2016: Chill's Recruiting Thread  (Read 14490 times)

Offline Doctor_Chill

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RPG 2016: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« on: January 04, 2016, 06:22:13 AM »
And like every bad sequel, we open with a gun fight.

Lead shots pounded across the bookshelves. Doc ducked toward the end of the row, ten gallon hat falling off his head as he leapt so. “Atku dammit,” he cursed as he curled up around the corner and cocked his gun. “You would think Elfy’d learn to turn off his security every now and then.”

But of course, that would mean that Doc had talked to the Great and Powerful Elfy before traversing through his sacred Library. In fact, that was the last thing he wanted to do on this voyage for the damned.

More shots whizzed past him, and the gunslinger dove toward another row. “Scarlet, if you wanted to do something fancy, now would be a pretty good time, I reckon.”

He had everything but time, he mused, as the footsteps inched closer and closer. He could feel the metal in their bodies, automated contraptions the biggest piece of iron(y) from the self-proclaimed Sci-Fi hater. The floorboards rattled, and a book fell off some nearby shelf. He could see the title from here: Get Off Your Ass by Runnington Wells.

They stopped their fire for the briefest of moments.

Time to make a break for it, he figured, with or without her magic.

Doc spun around the corner with his six piece glinting in the lamplight, screamed, “Up Helly Aah!” and away he fired. Brass casings fell like the metal across from him. Tubes whined and wires frizzled out. The duo hit the ground soon after, rattled and fried from the onslaught. The gunslinger unwrapped the pieces of bacon from his muzzle (prepared at the beginning of the gunfight like any good Texan) and chewed one as reward.

Not a bullet from the opposing side had left its chamber. Doc blew off the gunsmoke from his pistol and walked over to the mess. Kicked one with the tip of his boot, and it only moved where he wanted it. Good. He crunched on his second piece of pork. “Still no sign of Red.” Where had she run off to? At least the security was liberated, for the time being.

But ah, that wasn’t even the half of it. Things were only heating up on this journey to revive an old friend.

“C’mon, Murdock. Let’s go find us a Cap.” The old merhound skittered from its hidie-hole in a barrel of Paranormal Romance magazines and bounded toward the trench coat. “Hopefully this ole wizard knows a thing or two about necromancy.”
“It’s a dangerous thing, pretense. A man ought to know who he is, even if he isn’t proud to be it.” - Tomorrow the Killing, Daniel Polansky

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: RPG 2016: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2016, 11:40:24 AM »
Suddenly (and it's back hehe) a strange grey figure popped up from a pile of rubble.
It shook all over, and after Doc had stopped coughing he realised that it was red.

'Scarlet, where have you been? I could have used your magic here!'

She looked around, noticed the silence, destroyed books and absence of enemies and drily stated 'Looks like you did fine without me. Thankfully I'd found the books I wanted before you started destroying them'

He cowered under her stare, then thought better and retorted 'Better live without books than be dead with them'

Scarlet thought for a second, thinking there must be something wrong with that philosophy which she couldn't pinpoint, but she decided to plod along.
'Right, right. Anyway, I found something interesting, this Elfy is a tricky one... It was hidden behind a pile of Urban Fantasy categorised under Favourite Romances. It's a pamphlet titled 'Important Things a Wizarddess should know', and in it there's a funny poem that says

Fighters of the sea are never dead
They dream of a gun rescue and scarlet capes


I don't know what the rest means, but isn't a 'fighter of the sea' a pirate? Could it be that the Cap't isn't really dead?
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Offline ArcaneArtsVelho

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Re: RPG 2016: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2016, 03:14:33 PM »
A voice came from behind Scarlet and Doc.

“Well, if he is dead, getting him back will be challenging.” The voice was calm and the robed, hooded man it belonged to familiar. The robes were spectacular-entrance-white in colour. “It’s easy enough to resurrect the body, but getting the soul back from whatever hell it’s in… well, that’s a lot more difficult.”

“A.R.!” Scarlet rushed to hug the man.

He patted the back of the sorceress until she let go, his robes growing redder the whole time. “A.R.? Yes, that’s what they used to call me. Arthur Reuel Cane. That was my name.”

“AR!” Doc smiled a little indecisively.

“I’m Brother Arthur. And I come to you now, after spending much of my time since we last met in a monastery dedicated to the one true God. My name may have changed, which I hope isn’t too confusing,” the priest said, removing his hood and winking, “but nothing else has really changed. I’m still much the same, don’t you worry.”

“What happened to your face?” Scarlet asked aghast, poking at Arthur’s face.

“Well, yes, that did change,” he said, dodging her finger. “I had to get some more ‘inner beast proofing’ after I had the map of Paris removed. But now I’m all tattooed up, from head to toe. From face to toe, I should say. Anyway, I finally have the beast fully in my control should I need to shapeshift.”

“That’s good to hear. Could come in handy,” Doc said. “And good to have you on board.”

“I’m sure any half-decent servant of Velma, the Virgin Velociraptor, would have answered the call when the fate of the world is at stake, but I must say that I’m glad that you called me.” Arthur looked around. “Though it would seem that my help is not even really needed.”

They all laughed. But their joy was cut short by a cry echoing from a nearby corridor. “Exterminate!” The second wave of security had arrived.

“What are those things?” Doc asked after taking a few ineffective shots at the new enemies, which glided into the room. They were strange looking things, a mix of a tin can and a pepper shaker, and they had some sort of forcefield around them. “AR—I mean Arthur. Think fast!” Doc threw a metallic stick and a huge drum magazine through the air. “Brought your staff, just in case you’d show up.”

Arthur caught them. “I thought I would never see this thing again. And, by the way, it’s a cane,” he smirked, slamming the drum to the cane and flipping out the trigger and sights. He fired a short burst at the enemy, but the force was too strong in their forcefields. “I asked them to die nicely but I’m afraid I’m not getting through to them.”

“Maybe I can help,” Scarlet said, browsing one of her spell books. She put the book down and rolled up her sleeves.

“Of course you are willing to help now when we have company,” Doc said, grinning.

The sorceress scowled at the gunslinger. And then she began.

One spell and a helluva lot of bullets later, all the Dale… I mean, pepper shakers were in pieces.

“I’m out ammo,” Arthur mused, removing the empty magazine from the smoking cane, “but it’s good to be back. There’s never a dull moment with you two.”


Edit: Of course the robes were white. Duh.
Also, clearly glad and not clad. Double duh.
« Last Edit: January 04, 2016, 07:57:49 PM by ArcaneArtsVelho »
Everything I wrote above is pure conjecture. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm a perfectionist but not very good at anything. That's why I rarely finish things.

Offline Doctor_Chill

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Re: RPG 2016: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2016, 06:16:08 PM »
"Well, Arthur, glad to have you back with that cane drum of your's or what have you." Doc scratched his scraggly chin -- needed a shave after running halfway across creation for these books -- and reloaded in case of another wave. "Now Red, do you happen to remember where Elfy stashed these resurrection books?"

She took a glance around the metal carnage, as if the surroundings might jog her memory. And indeed they did. "Ah! I think they're in the Pop Culture section, if I remember correctly." She set off at a brisk pace to the other side of the immense library.

Murdock nuzzled up to the priest. "You sure you missed us, eh?"

All Arthur could do was smile that enigmatic smile.
“It’s a dangerous thing, pretense. A man ought to know who he is, even if he isn’t proud to be it.” - Tomorrow the Killing, Daniel Polansky

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Re: RPG 2016: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2016, 07:15:29 PM »
'IT'S A TRAP!'
"Wow! Admiral Ackbar!' cheered the entire room.
"Admiral Ackbar cereal for everyone!" announced everyone's favourite Mons Calamari.
"Colourful marshmallows!" cheered Doc. 
"Irritating crab meat!" added Scarlet.
"Your taste buds can't repeal flavours of this magnitude," chuckled Admiral Ackbar. 
"And a prize in every box!" giggled Arthur, pulling a large dead fish from his bowl. 
"Now with added brine," Ackbar told the room. 

For 5 minutes, the only sound was the crunching of cereal and brine.  Finally, having had his fill, Doc turned to Ackbar, and asked, "So Admiral, what have you been up to?"
"Well who has two claws, and just starred in the biggest movie of all time?" Ackbar snorted.
"You were in Titanic?" asked Scarlet incredulously.
"Oh Scarlet!"  everyone guffawed. 

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Offline tebakutis

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Re: RPG 2016: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2016, 09:33:58 PM »
'IT'S A TRAP!'
"Wow! Admiral Ackbar!' cheered the entire room.
"Admiral Ackbar cereal for everyone!" announced everyone's favourite Mons Calamari.
"Colourful marshmallows!" cheered Doc. 
"Irritating crab meat!" added Scarlet.
"Your taste buds can't repeal flavours of this magnitude," chuckled Admiral Ackbar. 
"And a prize in every box!" giggled Arthur, pulling a large dead fish from his bowl. 
"Now with added brine," Ackbar told the room. 

For 5 minutes, the only sound was the crunching of cereal and brine.  Finally, having had his fill, Doc turned to Ackbar, and asked, "So Admiral, what have you been up to?"
"Well who has two claws, and just starred in the biggest movie of all time?" Ackbar snorted.
"You were in Titanic?" asked Scarlet incredulously.
"Oh Scarlet!"  everyone guffawed.

Spoiler for Hiden:
One of the best :0

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQljzQ_FpUE[/youtube]

Offline Doctor_Chill

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Re: RPG 2016: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2016, 12:46:13 AM »
After the group had munched down on their off-brand Captain Crunch cereal and guffawed once more at the Admiral, Doc, Scarlet, and AAV -- er, Arthur -- flipped through the nearest tomes in search of, "What was it again?" Doc called to the ole sorceress.

"It's Mumbo Jumbo Voodoo or something like that," she mumbled under her breath.

"You telling me Waka wrote this?"

She smiled wanly. "Perhaps. Or perhaps Anne Rice or Charlaine Harris. I forget."

They continued running through the shelves, Ackbar muttering in the background with Murdock. Farther in, a ghost floated through the leatherbacks, but nobody made mention of it, if even they saw the thing.
“It’s a dangerous thing, pretense. A man ought to know who he is, even if he isn’t proud to be it.” - Tomorrow the Killing, Daniel Polansky

Offline SugoiMe

Re: RPG 2016: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2016, 01:36:09 AM »
A deafening cry caught their ears.  Gasping, they rushed to see what it was, weapons at the ready to save any unfortunate soul.  Past the rubble behind three still-standing bookshelves was a young girl and a jigglypuff, hovering over an open book.  The group stopped dead in their tracks, shocked.

"What in...?  Who are you?" Doc asked.

"It's a trap!"

The girl looked up at them, equally as shocked as they were.  Her pointed ears suggested she was an elf, but her clothes suggested she was some strange punk rocker without the rocker part.

"Who am I?  Who are you?" she said, cocking an eyebrow.

Scarlet stepped forward.  "We heard a scream.  Was that you?"

"A scream?  Oh, right.  Yeah, that was me."

"What on earth are you screaming for?" Doc asked.

"I'm telling you, it's a trap!"

"Oh, well, there's this here book, see."  She held the cover up.  The words Tales of Unfortunate Things That Go Bump In the Night, and the Screams That Reacted to Them were etched on the front in gold-painted 72 pt. Times New Roman.

Doc cocked his head to the side.  "...And you were screaming because--"

"Well, it's the screams that reacted to them part.  The book was describing how the man screamed and Mr. Jiggles was having a hard time visualizing it.  So I demonstrated."

The others stood silent, a little put off by what they were hearing, but too bewildered to comment.

"What are you doing here?"  the girl asked.

"We're looking for something," Scarlet replied.

"Oh, well maybe I can help."  She retrieved a gold ball from shoulder bag at her side.  Once free, it immediately produced wings that buzzed.

"Isn't that a snitch?"

The girl grinned.  "Yes, it is.  Stole it from Hogwarts, I did, and fiddled with the magic and innards to produce a seeker."

"A seeker?  You mean not a position in Quidditch?"

"Nopers.  Now what's it you're looking for?"

"A book, or some books."

"Title?"

"Don't know exactly."

The girl's smile dropped.  "...Oh."  She put the snitch away.  "Well, if you need a hand, I'm a fairly decent reader."

The group members looked at each other, then back at the girl.  "I suppose we could let you join us," said Doc.

"By the way, what's your name?" Scarlet asked as they resumed their work.

"Call me Lexi.  I'm in no way related to Elena.  Just keep that straight."

Scarlet looked at her, a puzzled expression drawn on her face.  "O...kay."

"It's a trap!  Dernit, why won't any of you listen to me?  I'm a celebrity!"
"And then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

Offline tebakutis

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Re: RPG 2016: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2016, 01:52:23 AM »
(Hope I'm not overstepping, trying not too put too much on people's characters :) )

With rather disconcerting suddenness, a moderately glowing insubstantial farmer stepped from a bookshelf behind the young girl and her hopping Jigglypuff. He had a rather sad-looking drawn face, wavy hair that was just a bit too long, and empty white eyes.

Doc, with natural reflexes, pulled his revolver and shot the ghost in the face. It rolled its eyes. A single wounded book fell from the shelf behind the ghost, leading to an accusatory glare from Scarlet.

The ghost waved.

"It's a trap!" Ackbar shouted. Helpfully.

The ghost sighed and shook its head as Lexi turned. Upon seeing the ghost, she screamed again and ran to hide behind Arthur, Jigglypuff in tow.

The Priest glanced down at her. "Another demonstration?"

"No, that real!" Lexi pointed. "It's a g-g-g-g-host!"

"Jigglypuff!" Jigglypuff added. "Jiggly, Jigglypuff!"

The ghost pointed deeper into the library.

"I think he wants us to follow him!" Scarlet declared. "Could he be a ... helpful ghost?"

The ghost nodded enthusiastically. It gave them two thumbs up. The party exchanged glances.

"It's a trap," Admiral Ackbar reminded everyone.

The ghost shook its head again, pointing to a book, then Scarlet, then the library. It smiled, causing its long face to stretch unnaturally.

"Perhaps this helpful ghost knows where the book we're looking for might be!" Scarlet said. "Let's follow him!"

The ghost nodded again, eagerly, pumping both fists. Eyes alert, the party watched for traps - as suggested by the Admiral - until the ghost led them to a pile of old bones and pigeon dung. The ghost pointed.

"That's a pile of dung," Arthur reminded the ghost.

The ghost nodded, then pointed to the shelves of books, then pointed into the pile. It made a motion as if shoveling, though there was no shovel.

"Maybe that's where the book is!" Scarlet said. "Hidden in the dung pile! Crafty!"

The ghost nodded eagerly, giving Scarlet a thumbs up.

"Eww," Lexi added. "Not it." She touched her nose as Jigglypuff touched his, followed by Scarlet, Arthur, the Admiral, and even Murdock, who somehow pressed a merpaw to his nose.

Doc glanced around and stomped. "Consarnit. Fine. I'll dig out the book."

The ghost stepped back, arms crossed, and motioned encouragingly.

Doc put on his worst gloves and dug into the pile, tossing dung-covered bones and gunk away. Soon the pile was all but destroyed. There was no book. There was, however, a face scrawled in chalk with huge eyes, and even huger smile, and a maddening grin. And a gunslinger with dung all over his gloves.

The ghost gave Doc one gigantic thumbs up.

"It's a trap!" Admiral Ackbar said triumphantly.

Doc shot the ghost in the face again.

Offline ArcaneArtsVelho

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Re: RPG 2016: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #9 on: January 05, 2016, 11:40:46 AM »
The ghost was laughing out loud... without making any sound.

Doc discarded the cloves and put a couple more rounds into the spectral form, just in case. But as his shooting only seemed to perpetuate the spirit's joy, he turned to the others, reloading his gun. "Well, that was shitty. What now?"

The others shrugged.

"Hmm? Where would Elfy store the book that is most important to our efforts?" Scarlet pondered.

"Into a huge, impenetrable looking, probably magically shielded safe?" Arthur suggested, pointing at a walk-in safe, towering just a few feet from the group. It was really a wonder how they hadn't seen it earlier. "Anyone know how to pick a safe lock?"

Lexi stepped forward with a smile on her face. She cracked her fingers. "I'll give it a shot."

"Jigglypuff!"

"It's a..." Admiral Ackbar sighed, shaking his head. "I'm not even going to say it."

Everything I wrote above is pure conjecture. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm a perfectionist but not very good at anything. That's why I rarely finish things.

Offline SugoiMe

Re: RPG 2016: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #10 on: January 05, 2016, 04:11:49 PM »
"Mr. Jiggles!  Music please!"  Lexi shouted, switching her hearing aids off.

Jigglypuff started the slow, melodic tune comprised of repetitions of its own name.  The song disarmed the magical shield and Lexi got straight picking the lock.  The soothing melody played soft and muffled, enough to dull her senses, but not enough to put her to sleep.  The others were not so fortunate...even the ghost because he can apparently hear.  (How he could hear and not also speak or smell or have any other sense was a puzzle.  Must be a ghost thing.)

Lexi had the safe open in fifteen minutes.  She hauled the door open and there inside was a ginormous old book, the pages frayed from weathering...in a safe...over time...now sure how the weathering happened.  She looked behind her.  Everyone was fast asleep and most were snoring.

Jigglypuff, infuriated that everyone had missed his wonderful song, withdrew his marker and got to work graffitiing their faces.

"Well, Mr. Jiggles," Lexi said, switching her hearing aids back on and putting away her lock picking tools.  "We might as well wait till they wake up.  In the meantime, why don't we start reading."
"And then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

Offline Doctor_Chill

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Re: RPG 2016: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #11 on: January 05, 2016, 04:47:21 PM »
She opened it to some random page because wynaut why not? Vellum brittle and old as time itself, there was but thirteen words scrawled on the parchment:



Lexi sighed and started turning.
“It’s a dangerous thing, pretense. A man ought to know who he is, even if he isn’t proud to be it.” - Tomorrow the Killing, Daniel Polansky

Offline tebakutis

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Re: RPG 2016: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #12 on: January 05, 2016, 04:58:32 PM »
As Lexi flipped her way to the suggested page, the previously soothed party began to stir. The ghost was the first to open his blank white eyes, and upon doing so, he looked absolutely flabbergasted.

The ghost sat up, looked around at the sleeping or bleary-eyed party, and then shot straight up. The ghost zipped over to Lexi and stared with wide empty eyes. He looked at Mr. Jiggles, then at her, and gestured madly with his hands.

"What?" Lexi asked, taking her eyes from the book. "You don't like going to sleep?" She was quite over her initial surprise.

The ghost violently shook his head.

"You *like* going to sleep?"

The ghost nodded and pumped his fist as the rest of the party began to wake from their Jigglypuff induced sugarcomas.

"It's a safe!" Ackbar announced.

"And it's open," Arthur added.

"What's in the book, Lexi?" Doc asked, rubbing at his eyes in a vigorous cowboy manner.

Lexi shook her head and stared at the ghost. "Why do you like going to sleep?"

The ghost gestured a few times, then shrugged.

"Can't you talk?"

The ghost shook his head, miming four fingers across and through his neck.

"No vocal cords," Doc said, with understanding. "No breath, either."

The ghost nodded, giving Doc another genuine thumb's up.

"But you can see and hear," Lexi said, determined to evaluate the usefulness (or lack thereof) of their new companion.

The ghost nodded.

"And you can't be hurt."

The ghost shrugged, then nodded again.

"And you can go pretty much anywhere?"

The ghost gave Lexi a big thumbs up.

"All right." Lexi tapped her chin. "Then here's the deal. You follow us around, help us when I ask, and if you do that, I'll put you back to sleep."

The ghost gave Lexi two thumbs up.

"Well," Scarlet said, having risen as well. "It seems we've made a friend!"

Doc grumbled something under his breath.
« Last Edit: January 05, 2016, 05:00:58 PM by tebakutis »

Offline Nighteyes

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Re: RPG 2016: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #13 on: January 05, 2016, 05:05:33 PM »
"What, what?" bellowed Ackbar. "Did you say it smelt of Fillet Fish in here? How dare you!"
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Offline ScarletBea

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Re: RPG 2016: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #14 on: January 05, 2016, 05:52:54 PM »
Scarlet was annoyed at having fallen asleep. She's have to watch this Lexi lady, with her special powers... watch her *really* carefully, those pointy ears were strangely attractive... ahem...

"So, can I have the book, please? We need to find the recipe to resurrect-apparently-dead-captains, not to be mistaken with the one to resurrect-apparently-alive-admirals"
She'd never admit to the others how that had caused one of her few mistakes in the past, but Arthur looked at her with strange eyes - almost as if he knew!

"Ackbar, do you want more food? More? There's nothing here, fishy or otherwise" Scarlet sighed, remembering wistfully Oggy's desserts.
"Anyway, someone start remembering where we left the Captain last. I hope nobody buried him in the meantime, the ingredients for the potion-to-remove-earth-from-all-orifices are very hard to find"

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