RPG 2015: United At Last

[JMack]

As an enormous biker with the words "Make Mine Fresh" tattooed on his forearm strode toward him, Doc started turning out his pockets, hoping for something useful. Surprisingly, the a gleams had hitched a ride, they thought the spinning jukebox was great fun, and now they popped out of Doc's pockets.

"Oh, guys, am I glad to see you! Any idea how we can get out of here?"

"Por"

"tal?" they suggested.

"Exactly! And hurry!" The green blobs began chanting, and across the room, space twisted on itself, revealing a space where there shouldn't be a space and a door in it where there shouldn't be a door. Doc grabbed the guys and ran for his chastity life, bowling over bikers and biker chicks. With the Sons of Arkady bearing done on him and slapping broken pool cues in their fists, Doc yelled "Rememebr the Alamo!" Which had nothing to do with anything, but did make him feel good. He leaps into the portal, just as a chain whizzed past his head.

The space between worlds was cold as it could be, but Chill held his breath and fell out onto a sawdust covered wooden floor. He looked around. Another bar. He was on stage. There were handsome men on either side of him. A construction worker, an Indian, a cop, a sailor and a leatherman. He looked down and found his medieval clothes had been replaced by a cowboy outfit. He stared out into the bar, which was filled to capacity with men. "Start twisting those hips, Tex," ordered the cop.

"Portal!" yelled Doc.

[Nighteyes]

This time the portal opened into a dressing room.  On a chair in front of a dresser sat a man who clearly had a bit too much work done on him with blue eyes, and a blonde mullet.  "Where is my usual make up artist?" the confused man asked.
"Gastric flu," explained Chill, and began to apply foundation to the man's face.
"I am so tired of singing bloody Mandy," the man confided in Chill. "I mean it paid for at least three wives, and several villas, but really, it's been 40 bloody years of singing that song, night after night."
"I know someone who loves that song very much," replied Chill. "The night you stop singing it, I fear his heart will break."
The man looked Chill in the eye with his own piercing blue eyes. "It's good to hear you say that.  But I think you have applied way too much foundation."
At this point a woman holding a big bag of make up appeared at the changing room door.
"PORTAL!" shouted Chill. 

[JMack]

Chilling and the Gleems emerged from the next portal into a long grey corridor with heavy, iron bound doors on each side set a few feet apart. A crowd of people were milling around, high giving each other, hugging, and celebrating, in the midst though, Scarlet was standing next to another woman. Both were weeping.

Chill was completely confused about what could be happening. He walked up to Scarlet. "Red, what are you doing here?"

"I'm weeping because you and a Overlord are stuck in the Forum's setting dimension, after having returned us the Karma settings and defeating Atku."

"Have you been drinking?" asked Doc.

"No. But, what are you doing here! Oh, you got out!" She threw her arms around him and started weeping all over again.

"But, Red," said Chill,"We're still fighting Atku."

The other woman looked hard at Doc. "I don't think this is Caleb," she said.

"But Arry, he's right here. I'm crying on his shoulder."

"Where are you from, friend?" asked the woman Revd had called Arry.

"Fantasia.  Well, Texas, by way of Fanatsia,  I guess."

The Gleems poked their heads out of Chill's pocket, and looked at each other. "Should." "Not." "Be." "Here." they said, and they opened up a new portal directly under Doc's feet.

"Hey, Fantasia," said Arry as Doc vanished. "Remember. The Goat can be killed. You just need to take away his. -" But Doc was back in the cold in between.

Which dumped him into the Double TT Diner, where the karaoke battle was about to get started.

[Doctor_Chill]

They opened with an announcement from Weird Al. "Okay, boys and girls. Don't want no nails or hair pulling. I want a clean fight, ya hear? I want it to come from the gut. From the diaphragm." He breathed in a deep breath. "I want to hear ya scream!"

So of course Bob v. Henry started with "White and Nerdy." Bob had the push lawnmower ready, cutting milkshake glass with his indestructible machine.

"They see me mowin'
My front lawn.
I know they all be thinkin' I'm so
White and nerdy."

Henry put in a good head shake. "Think I'm just too white and nerdy!"

"Gleems, you want to take me to another Realms?"

AR grabbed his arm and said, "But they're just getting to the good part."

Bob had his lawnmower outside now and was cutting all the weeds to nubs. 'Kind of like the competition,' AR had commented.

[Nighteyes]

Competition began to heat up.  A.R. Cane and Arcane decided to duet together on Frank Sinatra and Nancy Sinatra's memorable "Something Stupid", although A.R. Cane singing in a falsetto voice was slightly off putting.  The Captain led the whole room in a series of sea shanties.  Scarlet touched everyone in the room with her moving rendition of "Last Christmas."  Waka got up and sang the theme tune to the 2012 Wold Cup, "It's time for Africa."  The Spaniards in the room appreciated that as it reminded them of past glories.  Then it was time for JayMack to take the stage.  Of course he sang songs by the Manilow, and wasn't content with one, but sang a medley of the old crooner's most beloved tunes.  By the time he was singing "I can't smile without you," there was not a dry eye in the house.  Bikers could be seen openly weeping, and one ogre left the room to ring his mother, and tell her he loved her.  It looked like JayMackhad it in the bag, then Tim took the room.  With a smile he began,
"Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...

...always look on the bright side
of life...
(Whistle)

'Oh bugger' whispered JayMack to the Doc.  'Everyone is whistling along.'

Always look on the light side
of life...
(Whistle)

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle
- that's the thing.
And...always look on the bright
side of life...
(Whistle)

Come on.

Always look on the right side
of life...
(Whistle)

'Velma damn it!' Jaymack snapped at the rest.  'All of you are joining in now!'

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain
with a bow
Forget about your sin - give the
audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance
anyhow.

So always look on the bright side
of death...
(Whistle)

a-Just before you draw your terminal breath...
(Whistle)

'We need a new plan!' Jaymack frantically whispered to the Doc.  'He's got this in the bag!'

Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true
You'll see its all a show, keep 'em laughin as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you

And...
Always look on the bright side
of life...
(Whistle)

Always look on the right side
of life...

C'mon Brian, cheer up

Always look on the bright side
of life...

Always look on the bright side
of life...

Worse things happen at sea you know.

I mean - what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing
- you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing.

It was so catchy that at this point even JayMack joined in.
Always look on the right side
(I mean) of life...

what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing
- you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost?

Always (Nothing.) look on the right side of life...

Nothing will come from nothing ya know what they say?
Cheer up ya old bugga c'mon give us a grin!
There ya go, see!

Always look on the right side of life...
(Cheer up ya old bugga c'mon give us a grin! At same time)

There ya go, see!"

The room erupted int applause.  Elf was hugging ogre.  Biker hugging librarian.  The whole room in unison began to chant Tim's name.  Then up to the stage stepped the Doc. Hesitantly at first he began,

"Just a small town girl
Livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train
Goin' anywhere ..."

[Doctor_Chill]

Jaymack hit the drums just in sync with the beat. If he couldn't win the duel by his lonesome, he would help Doc win in his place.

"Just a city boy,
Born and raised in South Detroit.
He took the midnight train
Goin' anywhere."

The crowd roared. Tim the Enchanter soon became Tiny Tim and shuffled his feet in anxiety. How?! The gunslinger gave his best for his friend, upping the ante.

"A singer in a smokey room.
The smell of wine and cheap perfume.
For a smile that can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on!"

The diner had reached a fever pitch, and nobody could help but join in at,

"STRANGERS
WAITING
UP AND DOWN THE BOULEVARD.
THEIR SHADOWS
SEARCHING
IN THE NIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!"

Doc winked at his former enemy. The smiles on their face told them they had this in the bag.

[Nighteyes]

As if they had been joined together through some form of chemical fusion, the crowd all joined together in a rousing finale.
"Don't stop believin'
Hold on to that feelin'
Streetlight people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on
Streetlight people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on to that feelin'
Streetlight people."

The crowd all rose to their feet and applauded as one.  Even Tim the Enchanter stepped over to give the Doc a handshake.
"Never again will I used my powers for evil," he sniffled.  "My small heart grew three sizes this night.  Listen and you might hear it."
The Doc lowered his ear to Tim's chest, and indeed he could hear the sound of the withered old heart of the enchanter growing. 
"Here," Tim said, "In this envelope there are back stage passes for all you for the Barry Manilow concert tomorrow night.  But I must warn you.  The vampire court are planning something big.  Long has it been rumoured that Manilow himself is a vampire, doomed to eternally sing 'Mandy'.  I suspect the Vampire Court will strike, long have they feasted at the hooves of Atku!"

[Doctor_Chill]

With that, the Enchanter vanished in a puff of smoke all ninja-like. The group coughed as the smoke cleared, and saw that all Tim had left was a note. Scarlet picked it up and read, "Toodles!" It smelled of jasmine and oranges. She kept it for "research."

"So," she turned around to the group. They still hummed along and even Bob was singing, "Don't stop believin'."

"Anybody want another round of milkshakes?"

The waitress skated over to the crew, glasses brimming to the top with milky goodness. "Somebody ask for fifths?"

[Nighteyes]

The captain took the waitress by the arm and led her back to the kitchen, where he whispered something in her ear that made her giggle and slip him a piece of paper.
"Now. No more milkshakes! We have only just cleaned up the vomit from the last round. We need to find a tavern and get a good night sleep. We have vampires to fight and a concert to go to tomorrow!" barked the captain.
"And while you are all enjoying the concert, I'll slip back into Elfy's library and see what I can find out about this talisman," added Scarlet.

[Doctor_Chill]

Waka bemoaned the objection to more milkshakes. He jumped on top of the counter and started puffing and shaking his hands. Henry moved the tantrum into jazz hands, though, and settled the situation soon enough.

"C'mon," Cap twirled the waitress. "I think I saw a tavern down the road. Little lady's just leaving her shift, too, ain't she?" The girl giggled and nodded her head.

"Hey Bob, you finish that machine yet?" He lifted his head up from a cardboard box. Gnome waved around his hammer and goggles.

"Almost. Give me a sec."

By now, AR and Arcane had joined in with the jazz hands and grins. Kassin muttered something about, "Uncultured swine," and set to showing them how it's done. Which involved moving your hips to the beat too. Obviously.

[Nighteyes]

The group spent the night at the nearby Travelodge, and things for the most part appeared to pass peacefully, apart from the captain shouting out "There she blows!" a few times during the night and waking everyone up.
Scarlet spent the night at her desk, perusing the books she had for mention of the talisman that might be the one in the prophecy.  She first considered their figurine of Velma, the blessed virgin, but she quickly crossed it off, as it was clearly from the Earth, not the far reaches of the galaxy. About 1 am came a knock on her door.
"Couldn't sleep either?" she smiled at the Doc who was standing disheveled at her door wearing a gorilla onesie. 
 "Well I did doze off for a bit," the Doc admitted, "But the captain shouting out 'There she blows!' woke me up."
"This talisman seems crucial.  Fighting the vampire court, saving the people who live nearby Mount Badger, averting a war between the elves and dwarves.  Fixing these things.  They are all sticky plasters.  I need a weapon that can help us stop Atku."
"Well, Tim distracted us in the library last time.  But this time we don't leave until we find the information we need."
"Hmmm," smiled Scarlet running her hands through the Doc's hair, "They are showing rerunning of Buffy on the hotel's cable.  Neither of us will be able to sleep with the Captain bellowing away.  Let's settle down with some room service, charged to JayMack's card."
"Sounds a plan, darling," the Doc smiled. 

[JMack]

First Dawn over Fantasia. The twin suns cast strange bi-shadows, tricking the eye. The Goat's nine Darkbills waited out Pontificus, until it dipped below the horizon, leaving his brother Protifax the sole light in the sky. Objects were restored to a single shadow, a clear outline. With Second Dawn, the birds should have begun their morning song. But it seemed the whole of nature held is breath outside the Econolodge. The Darkbills slipped into the lobby.

"Can I help you gentle- urk!" The pimply-faced teenage at the front desk would never make it to his nineteenth birthday. Never know the embrace of a man. Never know the pain of child birth. -wait, start that over - The pimply faced teenager at the front deck would never feel the embrace of a woman, or the pride of fatherhood. His lifeblood drained away into the industrial, easy-clean carpeting.

The leader of the Darkbills ran a hoof down the guest ledger. There. Rocdot Lilch "The Texan thinks to deceive us brothers by rearranging the letters of his name. But we are wise to his ways." He glanced in a mirrored pillar and straightened the spectral crown that sat between his spiral horns. "Go, my Bills, go!" he hissed.

Room 2343189 was at the end of a long hallway. The goats were temporarily distracted by the sound of whaling from one room and an episode of Buffy playing at high volume in another. From a third, they heard a sleepy voice humming "I Don't Want to Walk Without You, Baby".

They gathered outside the Texan's door. One of them began to use hand signals to indicate he would go in high, while another Bill should go in low, and a third should -

Blam! The great Darkbill king lowered his head and broke down the hotel room door. There was a man-shaped figure buried under the covers of the bed. The Goats quickly surrounded the bed and raised their daggers high above their heads. The tearing, ripping, and pounding sounded through the hotel hallways, with a backdrop of bleating and screaming.

Three green blobs popped out of the shredded bedclothes. "Breakfast" "Yet?" asked the Gleems.

[Henry Dale]

Henry sat in the back of the gnome's travelling machine with Jaymack and the gnome.
He played another Royal Flush, pulling all the cap's chips to his side.
"There she blows!" The captain cursed as he had done all night. They had been playing all the time.
"Another round?" Henry asked, shuffling the cards. "I'll let you cut this time, if that makes you feel better."
"Hold a minute..." Jaymack said. Something's up with these cards...why do I always get 4 jokers? For one, there aren't even that many in a deck...and I don't recall them being part of poker."
Henry's smile would not falter. "Jaymack, you shouldn't try to cheat. Put the jokers back."

Scarlet looked to the back. "Guys, if you could stop restyling Henry's face, I'd like your attention for something I found.

[Doctor_Chill]

Doc stood at the edge of the window, broken glass strewn all across the emerald blades. They hadn't put up a fight. Hadn't done much, really. Only seen him outside after the Gleems and charged full throttle without thinking. Goats were notorious for running half-cocked.

It had proven their downfall, as you could clearly see. Three bodies lay in the grass, arms and legs a crumpled mass all tangled together and comical. All it had taken were three well placed shots, and Doc knew how to do that at least. He had heard them enter through the back. Heard their bleats as they died, too. AR would've said something about innocence, but there was no such thing in these beasts.

However, Scarlet had drug Henry, Bob, and Jaymack over to see their predicament. "Three of Atku's agents," the Northern King proclaimed. "How'd they get here? Are they following me?"

"Following us," Scarlet corrected. "I think they're looking for this talisman, seeing as the Wild Ring was a farce. Maybe they know what's going on? Maybe they know we're coming?"

"Maybe they know-"

"Thar she blows!"

The tavern got real quiet right after. Crickets echoed off the marsh lands out in the distance. All the crew could do was stare and silently wonder to themselves. Atku was real now; plain as day and not a reckoning to be messed with. But more than that, more than anything they had seen so far on their journey, it dawned on them that he was getting closer.

There was no time to lose.