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Author Topic: RPG 2015: United At Last  (Read 23474 times)

Offline JMack

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RPG 2015: United At Last
« on: June 06, 2015, 02:20:35 AM »
"So here you all are," spoke Atku from the alterverse. "May you have joy of each other."

JayMack stared at a tall Texan holding a medical bag, surrounded by a band of the strangest ruffians ever assemble. And standing next to him: the woman in scarlet.

"Well," said JayMack.  "I was wondering where you'd got to."

Above his head, Smug roared and circled over the island, chasing seagulls.
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)
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Online ScarletBea

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Re: RPG 2015: United At Last
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2015, 07:21:48 AM »
'Welcome. And I was wondering when you were going to get it...
Is Oggy with you? I really could use some more of her chocolate mousse.'

Scarlet laughed and opening her oldest book, waved her hands.
JayMack's group was soon encased in a bubble.

'Happy birthday, Doc! Would you like a bow on top of this bubble?'

And turning to the dark lord, she said with disdain:
'Did you really believe it was going to be so easy, coming here and taking our Diamond? Which by the way we haven't actually found yet?''

'Er, excuse me...', Bob appeared from what looked like the remnants of a destroyed glider, totally collapsed on the ground. 'I found this on the bits and bobs bag you gave me...'

Doc quickly shut him up with a well placed kick to the shin and Scarlet continued.

'Erm, yes, no Dragon Diamond here, no sirree. What can you do with that Ring of yours, then?'
« Last Edit: June 06, 2015, 08:12:36 AM by ScarletBea »
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Online Henry Dale

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Re: RPG 2015: United At Last
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2015, 08:17:50 AM »
Jaymack shrugged. 'Well not much, I guess.' He pointed up. 'We have a fire breathing dragon though?'
Scarlet smiled drily. 'Right. Hear that boys? There's 3000 exp flying around somewhere.'

Meanwhile Henry's chef knife had started buzzing in his deep pockets. The closer he came to Scarlet's bubble, the harder it buzzed. He raised it and pricked the bubble.

POP

There went the bubble and the fight for the relics began.
The respective parties' armies joined the fray as well.

Jaymack threw a bucket of water over Scarlet's head.
Nothing happened at all but she started screaming. 'I'm melting! I'm melting!!!'
Oggy flew around on a dragon and fought the cap'n, throwing spoonfuls of nutella at him.
Henry fought a gunschwinger, trying to parry the bullets with his magical butterknife. It's a miracle he lives through all this really.
Justin, Kassin and Arcane wove complex time dimensional bibediboof against a frenchman and some naked shaman and whoever I still forgot really...it's hard to remember :p
All between raptors, neko maids and well endowed raccoons.

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Re: RPG 2015: United At Last
« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2015, 10:38:06 AM »
'STOP!'

Everyone froze.

A very wet Scarlet, hair dripping over her glasses, was shaking with anger.
'This isn't how it was supposed to be, guys!
We are actually supposed to be *working* together - right?'

Everyone shrugged.

'Well, I say so'

'Why the bubble, then, miss?', sneered Henry.

Everyone jeered - but quickly shut up at a sharp look from Scarlet.

'I see you don't have birthday presents where you come from, mister.' Her tone was icy, which combined with the wet clothes gave out a chilly windy to all around. 'Do you think that if was really a trap you'd have been able to pop it so easily?
We are all brought together to fight the mighty goat.
Oh, who am I kidding? The *silly* goat!
And for that we need to work together, combine our forces which seem to be all dispersed.
At the moment I'm sick of the fighting, so let's go back to silly plans and illogical plot turns, eh?'

The frenchie gave an eerie laugh and started girating his hips. Strangely, it didn't seem to have an effect on anybody anymore - except Justin, as the shadow slowly approached the mesmerising sight.

Everyone shrugged and started discussing stuff.
Scarlet wondered how long her words would have any effect...
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Offline JMack

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Re: RPG 2015: United At Last
« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2015, 02:48:38 PM »
"Look," said JayMack, "I think I've figured out that by dark lord you mean... me? Because, honestly, I have black hair and I've gotten a little bit of sun recently? Aren't you being a bit non-PC? I mean, I could call you a scarlet woman, but would that mean you're a - oh, never mind.

"I'm no dark lord. I'm just a deposed king of a backwater nothing of a former country who killed his awful father for reasons far too complicated to explain to anyone except my therapist. And I want the empire of Fantasia OUT OF MY COUNTRY! Is that too much to ask? So this Atku dude appears in my castle one day when I'm playing fetch with Smug and offers me the power to get Fantasia off our backs. All I have to do is find this Dragon Diamond and take it to a buried temple. Then he'll tell me the rest. But there's gold and power at the end."

The opposing team had listened politely through this rather lengthy explanation. When JayMack finished, they stole a series of bemused glances at each other. Finally, the one called Doctor Chill stepped up.

"So, your little kingliness, I have this to say. ARE YOU A FECKING DUNCE?!"
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
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Offline Doctor_Chill

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Re: RPG 2015: United At Last
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2015, 04:15:35 PM »
He shot the closest raccoon for good effect. "Happy fucking birthday to you too."
“It’s a dangerous thing, pretense. A man ought to know who he is, even if he isn’t proud to be it.” - Tomorrow the Killing, Daniel Polansky

Offline ArcaneArtsVelho

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Re: RPG 2015: United At Last
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2015, 05:57:15 PM »
[I might be breaking some (nonexistent) rules but I can't resist.]

As the leaders were bickering and most of the others were distracted by the leaders' bickering ( :o ), A.R and Bob sneaked behind Henry. The priest gave a "gentle" wham to the back of Henry's head with his metal cane. "That's for not noticing me!" said A.R.

Bob kicked the thief to his shin (a move which the gnome had learned recently). "Yeah, you'll be sure to remember us after we're done with you!"

Even the Cat scowled at the rogue.

Henry was about to retaliate, but he stayed his hand because it was still somewhat unclear whether the teams were going to work together or fight.

[It's all right, Henry. It's all right.  ;D ]
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Offline Nighteyes

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Re: RPG 2015: United At Last
« Reply #7 on: June 06, 2015, 06:19:28 PM »
The Pirate used his powers to persuasion to make the cook make rum and raisin ice cream for everyone. (And persuaded  her to stick a laxative pill in JayMack's.) Which JayMack ate and said was the most delicious ice cream he had.
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Offline Lady Ty

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Re: RPG 2015: United At Last
« Reply #8 on: June 07, 2015, 04:44:44 AM »
The strange power exerted by The Ring of the Wildling had given Smug a huge growth spurt. He was no longer a cuddly lolloping pet, but sat twenty metres high behind Oggy his scales glowing magnificently red and his magnificent gold wings curled magnificently. Oggy had served Triple Rum and Raisin Ice Cream to everyone, but slipped the laxative into the Pirate's serve ínstead.

“ That‘ll keep him and his mischief makin’ occupied for a while” she thought, deciding now was a good moment to get a few things straight while they had their mouths full and couldn’t answer back.

“Now listen up all y’all, time you knew that Smug is actually Santander Maurice Udolfo Germanicus, heir to the throne of the High Dragon Saphira and I am his Fairy Godmother. "

Everyone gaped in horror and awe thinking - "Fairy Godmothers? Are we getting Disney Princesses next?  And Princey Frogs that sing ? And the Racoons pull glass coaches ?  And Yassin is going to change into Little Red Riding Hood and Nooooooooooo..............."

But by now they should have known Oggy better than that. She continued to explain.

"As a baby Smug fell out of the sky during a storm and was lost until I discovered him living here in the castle. Kingy didn't know, but took pity on an orphan waif, so Saphira has promised to bestow bounteous gifts of gold treasure from her hoard and has arranged with Fantasia that no one will interfere with his kingdom, or Smug  will blast them to kingdom Gone and Forgotten."

King Jaymack began to grin and look very pleased with himself, but Oggy hadn't finished with them yet.

"That rubbishy old blue gem in Doc’s backpack is as fake as, do you really think Atku would give anything away?  Smug has the real Dragon Diamond from Saphira safely in one of his stomachs and can drive the porcelain bus and chunder up the diamond any time you need it.  Your big problem is to deal with Atku and his warrior hordes before he makes any more trouble and for someone to re-cap who everyone is so I can plan the next feast .”

So saying she beckoned to the Scarlet Lady and they ate chocolate blueberry mousse and Pasteis de Nata with  a good cup of coffee.  Then they went off to ask the Neko army ladies how they managed to keep their hair up all day with just two knitting needles.



« Last Edit: June 07, 2015, 06:33:39 AM by Lady_Ty »
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Offline JMack

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Re: RPG 2015: United At Last
« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2015, 05:41:52 PM »
JayMack was relieved and happy. Talk about deus ex fairy godmother! He would have his country back, and not have to play nice with that odious Goat God. He could just relax, kick back and go in an awesome quest. A quest to

KILL THE GOAT!

Yeah, that totally work for him.

"Alright," he said to the other group's leader, this Doctor Chill," we are

> myself, lord of the North
> Kassin, an alien dragon-tiger with attitude
> Justin, a maybe-human, who appears to be a shadow taser and Kassin's apprentice
> Arcane, who says he's a bard, but appears to be something else entirely
> Oggy, the great fairy godmother chef in creation
> Smug, an enormous dragon prince, who likes his tummy rubbed

and somewhere, we had a cat, but it appears to be missing.

And, Chill, what does your group have to say for itself?
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)
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Online Henry Dale

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Re: RPG 2015: United At Last
« Reply #10 on: June 07, 2015, 07:59:43 PM »
Henry muttered a curse or two at having been forgotten.

Offline Nighteyes

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Re: RPG 2015: United At Last
« Reply #11 on: June 07, 2015, 08:11:12 PM »
Henry muttered a curse or two at having been forgotten.

Henry enjoyed his rum and raisin ice cream.  The captain went to eat his, but it was snatched out of his hands by JayMack.  "Think I am an idiot pirate," JayMack jeered.  "I know you tinkered with mine.  You can eat mine,and I'll have yours."  The captain shrugged, and quietly started licking his lovely ice cream.  It turned out that JayMack was one of those odd people who bites chunks out of his ice cream, and he had finished his one in just a minute or two.  Strange sounds came out of JayMack's stomach.
"Teach you for scoffing it down like a pig," laughed Henry.  "And for forgetting me."
JayMack began to panic.  Strange things were going on in his stomach.  Damn it,  they were all trapped in a bubble.  No convenient bush to duck behind.  He tightened his sphincter, but still felt gases begin to creep out.  He wondered how long before the others noticed.  They were trapped in a bubble after all. 
Henry noticed a strange, slightly noxious smell.  "Damn!" he shouted.  "I've smelled this before.  Must be swampies!  Everyone draw weapons!"
JayMack was too embarrassed to say anything,and preparing for a possible onslaught of swamp creatures had seemed to unite the disparate forces. 
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Online ScarletBea

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Re: RPG 2015: United At Last
« Reply #12 on: June 07, 2015, 08:20:18 PM »
[psssst - the bubble was popped a few posts ago ;)]
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Offline Nighteyes

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Re: RPG 2015: United At Last
« Reply #13 on: June 07, 2015, 08:43:32 PM »
Scarlet noticed that JayMack had gone red in the face, was sweating, and kept bending over.  In addition to this he seemed to be hallucinating that he was still in a bubble.  The smell was also getting worse.  She muttered a seek spell but could find no sign of any 'swampies.'  "Seems these swampies have a spell caster with them," she called out.  "Whoever it is, has just cast the best concealment spell I have ever seen."
"It's all very well casting a concealment spell, but that smell is ripe!" cursed a sweating Doc.  "Smells worse than the time I found a group of week dead cattle at a poisoned pond back in the old country."
The raptors were getting more and more agitated.  A species dependent on smell for seeing, and right now the poor things had been left figuratively blind.
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Offline JMack

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Re: RPG 2015: United At Last
« Reply #14 on: June 07, 2015, 09:01:23 PM »
JayMack realized that the state of his insides was directly the outcome of having left Henry out of his introductions. Spewing, sweating and farting, he wobbled over to the thief. "Will you forgive me?" he moaned.

Henry looked at the little king through his monocle. The digital readout read: "Send patient to decontamination for 24 hours."

"Dude," said Henry. "You just need to keep to your side of the island for a bit, ok?" Then he turned to Scarlet. "You and Oggy have any more of that ice cream? But, you know, not the flavor JayMack ate?"
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)
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