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Author Topic: RPG 2015: Chill's Team and the Tower of the Wild Ring  (Read 14317 times)

Offline Doctor_Chill

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RPG 2015: Chill's Team and the Tower of the Wild Ring
« on: May 29, 2015, 06:08:26 AM »
AR pushed to the front three, Bob in tow with a saw in hand. Get as far away from that shaman squatting over the rails as we can, the priest thought to himself. "This mean we don't have to pull the ship out?"

Cap spun on his heel and caught him by the shoulder. "You dumb? We still got a race to win. Tower's not going anywhere." He flicked a glance to the devilish, twirling moustachier jumping off the gangplank with his hound and said, "Besides, I don't care so much about what that witch is going on about. I'm here to beat a Nord then burn a piece o' paper."

"So, you want me to get them a pulling?" Bob had a tired look in his eyes. Sun was setting on a long day.

"Yes, ya ninny. Get them a pulling! And you," he pointed at the witch at the bow, thought gone from one pest to the next.

Doc stepped between them. "We'll help you finish the race. So long as you keep your mouth shut."

Pirate ran his hand through his beard. Thought for a moment. Considered it even though there was a bubble of anger underneath. They were losing precious seconds. But Godzilla and those dolphins had rocketed them along nicely. Perhaps just enough.

"I make no promises about the unintelligible hollers that come out of my mouth when we win."

It was good enough for the gunslinger. "I'll tie Charlemagne in one more time, just in case the last leg's bumpy."

"You do that," Cap said as he made his way toward the helm. Ship was already moving. They just might have a chance.
“It’s a dangerous thing, pretense. A man ought to know who he is, even if he isn’t proud to be it.” - Tomorrow the Killing, Daniel Polansky

Offline ArcaneArtsVelho

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Team and the Tower of the Wild Ring
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2015, 12:53:40 PM »
The calamari-men were tugging and the little space gnomes were... hanging on the ropes. The ship was moving but not fast enough. "Bob! You no-good gnome better get this ship off the rocks!" the captain yelled to the foreman of the hauling crew as the Nord longboat was overtaking the Schmoking Dutchman. The blonde men were making the international "looser" sign with their hands, and Cap responded with another well-known hand gesture.

Bob was tired of the captain's yelling, but the thing that was really irking him was his dolphin calling device. "The dolphins could help", he muttered. Not knowing the device had worked earlier as intended, Bob started tinkering with the gadget. Soon he had made the modifications he had deemed necessary, and was ready to push the button. The ship was almost free, but the Nords had taken a considerable lead. Help was needed if Bob and the others were going to win. Bob pushed the button.

And then came the kraken. But luckily it came from beyond the longboat.

"Well that's handy", Cap said as he saw the rival ship crash to a halt against the kraken which began throwing the Nords off their vessel with its tentacles.

Suddenly
[Why shouldn't we use this? I mean, it's just another word. Use it sparingly, and that's ok. And I don't think that "All of a sudden" is much better, unless you get paid by the word. So...]

Suddenly A.R. slapped Cap's face. "Shouldn't you be doing something?" the priest asked. "Stop dreaming about the horrible deaths of the Nords, and start steering! The ship is free!"
Everything I wrote above is pure conjecture. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm a perfectionist but not very good at anything. That's why I rarely finish things.

Offline Nighteyes

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Team and the Tower of the Wild Ring
« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2015, 05:44:40 PM »
Hanging from the figurehead, Charlemagne screamed in what seemed like orgasmic joy, "Feast my pretty, feast!"
The captain felt conflicted, whilst he desperately wanted to win, it had been a friendly competition, and seemed a shame for so many young sailors to be feasted upon by a sea beastie.  He reluctantly set orders to sail towards the kraken, and rescue the Nords.  Meanwhile he indicated for A.R. to tie a gag around Charlemagne mouth.  The captain then went below decks to fetch his favourite harpoon. "Call me, Ishmael" he muttered.  And then regretted that the new thread hadn't began with that line.   
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Offline wakarimasen

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Team and the Tower of the Wild Ring
« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2015, 06:08:16 PM »
Having observed the Scared Venting, Waka cut the breeches that he had borrowed from a calamri and dropped below on to a moustached , cursing villain.

No one seemed to be looking at them, so Waka touched the bone teeth of the pump staff to the goggled man's neck. He dropped with a gasp. He writhed, choking, his gurgled pleading about having to catch a pigeon falling on deaf ears. The pump staff drank deeply of his essence and Waka felt it's joy.

"I live to serve oh Chupcuburan one!" He exhalted.

A squat animal, possibly a dog in a flying helmet, leapt at him. It was eager to defend it's master but found itself instead gripped in Waka's outstretched free hand.

"There is redemption enough for all." He told the hound, its short legs clawing fruitlessly at his arm. When the staff had finished with the man, Waka kicked the husk of a body into the sea and turned his lethal attentions to flailing dog.

A wide smile on his face, he left the flat corpse on the deck floor. A fine rug, he thought, it would be comfortable for one of the crew to sleep on. Truly the staff of the Chupacubra was a noble and giving lord.

Buoyed by the feasting, he danced a prayer of thanks as he ascended back to the main deck.

Offline Doctor_Chill

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Team and the Tower of the Wild Ring
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2015, 06:28:20 PM »
And with a whoosh into the water, they were off. Gnomes and calamari creatures scrambled up the sides of the ship, ropes in each hand. Cap made it to the bulkhead just as they were catching their breath. "Don't stand there ya ninnies! Man the ropes. Guard the battle stations. Do something!" He clutched his harpoon and pointed it toward the beast. "Bob, grab the wheel and set sail for that bastard."

As they rushed off, AR grabbed the railing and nearly puked. Doc held firm onto his six piece, ready for a fight. And Scarlet had her book in hand, preparing to clean up the mess. "You think a magic carpet might be able to pick them all up from the debris?"

Doc nodded, counting to make sure his chambers were full. "I would think."

When they hit the final curve of the tower island, AR finally puked. Wiped his chin and asked, "Did we leave Waka?"
“It’s a dangerous thing, pretense. A man ought to know who he is, even if he isn’t proud to be it.” - Tomorrow the Killing, Daniel Polansky

Offline wakarimasen

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Team and the Tower of the Wild Ring
« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2015, 11:33:37 PM »
"Fear not, brother. I am with you!" Waka said into his ear. The jolt as AR jumped made him vomit again.

"You shouldn't sneak up on people like that."

The Shaman bowed apologetically, the bangles on his wrists clanging as he threw his arms out for balance. The ship was gathering speed. Its prow barely rising on each wave it crossed, instead carving through them with murderous intent. In their path the Kraken turned to face them. At the centre of thrashing limbs a single bloodshot eye could be seen on the leviathan's black body. It narrowed in anger. Towering loops of tentacle cascaded water, bursting from the surface like the chains of the Dutchman's main anchor on its release. The sight gave the Captain an idea.

"Hard starboard, ya gnomish lubbers. Then ta port and drop the anchor. We'll sideswipe this monster!"

"The sea is far from the lands of my home." Waka told the pirate. "But the caves are rich with guano and we walk them often!"

"Your point master medicine man?" The captain howled.

"My point." The shaman gripped the rail tightly. "Is that I know bat shit crazy when I see it!"
« Last Edit: May 29, 2015, 11:36:54 PM by wakarimasen »

Offline Doctor_Chill

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Team and the Tower of the Wild Ring
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2015, 05:35:52 AM »
Of course, it was not the Cap's harpoon that hit the Kraken first, nor Waka's flatulence. It was Charlie tied to the Virgin Velociraptor bulkhead, screaming his Frenchy head off. "Monsieur, please! No!" But his protests were in vain. Smack dab into the slimy creature he went, wailed and wailed until a bullet sounded off the top of his head. He looked up. "Monsieur Doc?"

"No ya croussant; this is yer captain speaking, and he says START DANCING!"

Gyrating hips a go.

Waka took this to mean the entire crew, so he began dancing like he had never danced before. Like it was 1999 or something. Calamari-men and the gnomes started spinning awkwardly in the back, arms and legs rigid, but the four left sane could only shake their head.

"I'll keelhaul ya," Cap boomed at the mass of writhing tentacles. He aimed another harpoon bolt at the beast's eye and shot. "Come on Velma, guide me straight."

It hit the bulb and knocked the kraken's lights out. It screamed in agony as Doc unloaded some bullets at its slimy hide, but nothing else came of the attack.

Scarlet ran to the starboard side of the ship and grabbed AR by the arm. "Come help me summon a magic carpet for the sinking Nords. You've got to know some magic, right? Or at least translate these old scripts?"

AR was dumbfounded for a second but ran from the bullet fire and spit. "Guess I do now."
“It’s a dangerous thing, pretense. A man ought to know who he is, even if he isn’t proud to be it.” - Tomorrow the Killing, Daniel Polansky

Offline Nighteyes

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Team and the Tower of the Wild Ring
« Reply #7 on: May 30, 2015, 09:23:05 AM »
The Captain froze, in his head he dreamed that everything stopped. A voice came down from the heavens."A kraken is worth 2,500 experience points which levels the captain from a level 9 pirate to a level 10 pirate. You can now choose a new skill."
"Martial arts!" shouted the captain gleefully. (He had been reading the manuals at night.)
Sadly though this was all taking place in the Captain's head, and the fight had continued without him ...
« Last Edit: May 30, 2015, 11:11:35 AM by Nighteyes »
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Offline wakarimasen

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Team and the Tower of the Wild Ring
« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2015, 09:43:31 AM »
These outlanders were curious sorts. One moment the were happy to praise the sky with dance of the Two Thousand Glowing Sticks, the next they were rejoicing in the odd words of their gods and deep in combat. It was a combination waka found he was strangely happy with. He scooped a gnome up under one arm and ran from a cannon. He had learnt their art on his long journey across the plains from guide who had once served in  the Imperial army.

Shoving the protesting gnome down the barrel after the charge,  he whispered a prayer to his lord Chupacubra and struck a flint at the nub of fuse.

The tiny man's flight was straight and true, smashing him into the obsidian carapace of the beast alongside. He liquified on impact, the mulch searing into the Krakens skin. The giant writhed in agony, unable to wipe away the smoking mess that was eating in to it.

Waka ran back toward the gnomes, who sensibly scattered form his path.

"What the? How come that did so much damage?" AR asked as he ran past.

"Gnostic acid." Waka trilled happily as he chased his other ammunition around the ship.

Offline Nighteyes

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Team and the Tower of the Wild Ring
« Reply #9 on: May 30, 2015, 11:14:23 AM »
Suddenly everything stopped. A voice came down from the heavens."A kraken is worth 2,500 experience points which levels Waka from a level 2 ... ummm whatever class you are...  to a level 4 *hand shaking*. You can now choose a new skill."
"Farts that shoot out my ass as flames!" shouted Waka gleefully. (He hadn't been reading the manuals at night.)
The Captain cursed,"I wanted martial arts..."
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Offline Nighteyes

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Team and the Tower of the Wild Ring
« Reply #10 on: May 30, 2015, 12:07:48 PM »
The Calamari men were pulling men up over side by rope.  Eventually, one which was slightly more buff, blonder and taller than the rest stepped forward.  "Where mightest be the great hero which sleyeth the kraken?" he asked.  Once A.R had translated, he indicated to Waka, who was currently unloading hot dog sausages from a barrel.
"You are the Kraken slayer?" the blond Nord asked?
In response, Waka bent over, and stuck a hot dog sausage in front of his rectum, before shooting flames out to leave the hot dog grilled brown, and smelling cooked, if slightly sulphury.  The Nord Captain laughed.  "I see you are a great hero, and now we must feast on the island below.  What mighteth it's name be?"
"Isla Nubla," the pirate captain replied. 
"Ahhh, a peaceful place if I ever heard of one.  We will cook meat, bleed goats, and do all typeth of thing that would attract a predator, if we were on an island infested with predators.  But we are not.  We are on Isla Nubla.  Whereth never a bloodythirsty, man eating predator has ever steppeth."
"Slightly odd thing to say," muttered the pirate captain.
"It's a trap," muttered Akbar.
Despite their misgivings though, the jubilant Nords, the flame throwing out of his rectum Waka, and the pirate crew set sail in the long boats for the island. 
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Offline ArcaneArtsVelho

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Team and the Tower of the Wild Ring
« Reply #11 on: May 30, 2015, 01:15:04 PM »
[I guess I'll set this up then. <shakes his head>]

On the island, at a distance, many pairs of reptilian eyes were looking at the people in the boats. "You see that? Food!" said one of the reptiles, tapping the ground with the largest claw of its hind leg. "I get their attention, and then you guys attack from the flanks."

Still on the island, at another distance, many pairs of eyes, encircled by dark, mask-like fur, were looking at the people in the boats who were starting to disembark. "Boys, get your testies ready!" one of the masked ones said. "We have intruders on the island."

[Sorry, no time for more: I have a fairy tale to write.]

(Edit: Apparently it's not proper English to say 'disembarking the boats'. So, fixed.)
« Last Edit: May 30, 2015, 01:27:28 PM by ArcaneArtsVelho »
Everything I wrote above is pure conjecture. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm a perfectionist but not very good at anything. That's why I rarely finish things.

Offline Eclipse

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Team and the Tower of the Wild Ring
« Reply #12 on: May 30, 2015, 01:38:00 PM »
Bob rushed over to waka screeching you can't go about killing innocent robot space gnomes! your Alignment supposed to be good and you haven't even seen the mad max movie yet either.

Just for that you can be next one to use my new device I think it come in handy against those reptiles over there looking at us hungrily,  it's a Helmet which makes you become the best swordsman/woman in the world for ten minutes after that you fall asleep to recharge as it uses up your mental energies. Well that's how it supposed to work

Bob looked at the Helmet suspiciously before putting it forcefully on waka's head   
According to some,* heroic deaths are admirable things

* Generally those who don't have to do it.Politicians and writers spring to mind

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Offline Nighteyes

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Team and the Tower of the Wild Ring
« Reply #13 on: May 30, 2015, 01:41:04 PM »
"Right, before we disembark, I need some of you men to dress in red shirts," barked the Captain.
The Nords, Calamari, and gnomes all reluctantly pulled on red shirts.  A.R., Waka, Bob, the Cap, Scarlet, Chill and Charlemagne all chose not to don red shirts. 

At this point Atka the goat chose to step out the netherspere, in his cute goat form.  The Nord captain smiled.  "Looks like we have our dinner!  I'll chain him to that nearby rock!"

"Grüße euch Gott!" came a cheery call along the beach.  A blonde haired man, in a pair of spectacles and wearing a t-shirt, cargo pants and socks with sandals was walking along the beach towards them.  "My name is @xiagan and I wish to welcome you to my island paradise.  Would you care to nibble on a wiener?"
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Offline Atku God of Goats

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Team and the Tower of the Wild Ring
« Reply #14 on: May 30, 2015, 01:47:01 PM »
Atku smiled in his mountain fastness, watching the buffoons in his magic mirror. They fell for the "Atka" maneuver. If they're going to trouble themselves to oppose the goat god, he thought, at least they could get the name right.  8)

Meanwhile, the Atka sock puppet would fix those Nords but good. Atku smiled again, anticipating the exploding guts that would come from eating the poisoned Atka.