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Author Topic: RPG 2015: Chill's Recruiting Thread  (Read 17591 times)

Offline ArcaneArtsVelho

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #30 on: May 28, 2015, 02:47:33 PM »
The captain gave A.R. a wide berth and strange glances as he moved around the ship, making preparations.

"What?" A.R. asked.

"Oh, nothing", the pirate answered.

The priest eyed the other with suspicion. "Is there a problem? If this is still about Doc and the Frenchy, I tell you that it's not my duty to shepherd them."

"No, no. Of course not", Cap mumbled, trying to examine A.R.'s bald head with a spyglass without him noticing.

"Stop that!"

"Avast!" the captain shouted to Waka. "No nits here! His skin be hairless as a whale's arse!"

"Argh!" A.R. snarled.

"No, it's Arrr."

"Off with you! I have many important things to do." A.R. turned his back to Cap and started to scribble something on a piece of paper.

What is this "fairy tale" that keeps surfacing in my mind? Yet another thing I have forgotten?

« Last Edit: May 28, 2015, 02:50:15 PM by ArcaneArtsVelho »
Everything I wrote above is pure conjecture. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm a perfectionist but not very good at anything. That's why I rarely finish things.

Offline wakarimasen

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #31 on: May 28, 2015, 02:51:47 PM »
Waka pointed to his loincloth and nodded at A.R., his eyes fixed on the pirate Captain.

The captain gasped. "Barnacles on his keel eh?... I see..."

Offline Nighteyes

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #32 on: May 28, 2015, 03:03:48 PM »
"Right!" barked the Captain.  "I'm not looking down there.  Now we need to get sailing.  Get the Doc back up here, and tie him to the mast if need be to keep him focused.  A.R. that's your job!  Quartermaster Akbar!  Set a course for that lighthouse over there.  Scarlet, signal the damn vikings, sorry Nords, tell them the first one to circumnavigate the lighthouse, and reach the island to the East..."  The captain stared through his magnifying glass at the dusty old map in front of him, "Yes, this one.  I ... Slar ... Nub ... Lar. Yes, sounds a lovely place for a picnic afterwards."
"Aye, aye Captain!" shouted Scarlet making sure she secured the sinister looking wicker basket which was making an ominous squawking noise, before climbing the nearby mast, and sending a succession of flag signals. 
The Nord craft replied in the affirmative, and with the Doc tied to the main mast, and Charlemagne secured tightly to the figurehead, it was at last time for the great race to begin. 
None of the crew had noticed a man with a curled mustache, and a grey mutt swimming over from the Nord ship.  "Drat, drat, and double drat, Muttley!" the man with the mustache muttered, as he and his mutt climbed up the side of the Schmoking Dutchman.
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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #33 on: May 28, 2015, 11:10:52 PM »
"Fallen asleep, have you all?" barked the captain. "Well me and the calamari will have to get the plot moving!"

Both ships sailed majestically out of the port of Mousehole. Many an old sailor gathered at the portside wept to see two fine schooners gliding through the twinkling amethyst sea. With minutes though it quickly became apparent that the Nords had an advantage. Their longboat was manned by dozens of muscular rowers, whilst the Schmoking Ductchman depended on the currently reticent sea winds to carry out it to sea.

The captain wiped his brow and looked over to Scarlet. "You don't have any spells to conjure a strong wind in there?"
Waka chortled, "I have a strong south easterly breeze in me breeches!"
"Well that explains the smell but doesn't help us."
The captain fingered his figurine of the virgin velociraptor for inspiration as his crew were being as helpful as a team of Ofsted inspectors.

Then to add to his problems he discovered that some joker had sawn a hole in the side of his ship. He could hear the rasping laugh of a Mutt.

"Why the hell would they do that?" He wondered.  Also rather confusing a large beacon was bobbing by the side of the ship with a sign saying 'Litehouse this way' with a badly drawn arrow pointing in entirely the wrong way. He realised he had an infestation of cartoon critters and reluctantly released the poor Doc. "Right doc. You can't see his gyrating hips now as he is tied to the figurehead. Hunt me down those damn toons and I 'll see what I can do about the wind."  He sighed as he noticed that Wakka was hanging off the end of the ship with his breeches down, farting into the wind.
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Offline Doctor_Chill

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #34 on: May 29, 2015, 12:08:17 AM »
Doc was finally released from mast duty, down chasing varmits and finally feeling at ease with the ship. It swayed with the waves as they careened toward winning, but before then he needed to get rid of these pesky toons. He found the hole soon enough with the beacon sticking out of it. Doc pulled the thing out but found it to be holding water back so shoved it back in. Swore with a little bit of saltwater down his throat and went to scouring the cargo.

Akbar sprung from one barrel screaming, "It's a trap!"

"Shut it," Doc said and shot at his funny hat. "Now, where did I put my Bestiary?" Found it with the pickled cucumbers, labeled CHARLIE'S SPECIAL BLEND. Ah. He flicked through his booklet of fine beast descriptions, past the rabbits enjoying their springtime fever, onwards across the pages of giant mooncrickets to the description of toons. Muttley and Dick Dastardly specifically.

Book said in a raspy voice, "There's many ways to defeat this dastardly duo, especially in a race. You can ask him to stop for a photo. You can drop an ACME bomb on his flying machine. My personal preference is drawing a hole and writing 'HOLE' on it. Works just fine, but none of the others have that certain finesse, per se."

"Thanks John."

"A pleasure, sir. Anytime."

And the book shut itself as Doc could hear in the corner with the rats, "Triple drat. Do something, Muttley!" Duo scurried around and created more of a racket.

Doc sighed to himself and changed his pistol for a bit of chalk. "Guess I better get to drawing."
“It’s a dangerous thing, pretense. A man ought to know who he is, even if he isn’t proud to be it.” - Tomorrow the Killing, Daniel Polansky

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Offline Nighteyes

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #35 on: May 29, 2015, 12:20:32 AM »
Bizarrely the rest of the crew seemed to believe they were winning. Obviously couldn't see the there being a problem with the other ship being several lengths ahead of them. Scarlet seemed to be lost in her book. The Captain wondered if the priest would be of any use. A.R. scratched his brow and then took out his figurine of the virgin Velma. He then pulled out a knife and cut the Captain's arm.
"Ouch! Why the flaming smeg did you do that for?" cursed the Captain.
"Needs blood, and mine ain't worth naught since ... well never mind that ... hang on!" A.R
 muttered. 
To the Captain's amazement, a breeze caught the sails and the ship began to move faster through the waves.
"We're gaining on them!" the captain roared in delight.
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Offline Doctor_Chill

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #36 on: May 29, 2015, 01:05:43 AM »
Just as Doc was putting the finishing touches on his Van Gogh, the ship rocketed forward and messed with the magical space time continuum Doc was messing with. It created an actual hole in the wood! Water started gushing inside and our fearless gunslinger started coughing, the landlubber. He hit the planks and gargled some more.

A man twisting his mustache stood over the Doc and yelled, "Get 'im, Muttley! That trick'll never work on us again." The dog wheezed out a laugh and jumped on the man.

"Akbar, help!" Doc screamed as he pushed the muzzle of Muttley away.

"Can't," the quartermaster popped out from his barrel of wee. "Might be a-" He inhaled a smell of Waka up above and started coughing like the Doctor, too.
“It’s a dangerous thing, pretense. A man ought to know who he is, even if he isn’t proud to be it.” - Tomorrow the Killing, Daniel Polansky

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Offline eclipse

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #37 on: May 29, 2015, 01:26:51 AM »
Bob was below ship working on one of his machines when he saw Doc

"what's up doc"

" I've just made a invention which just might help our current predicament it's supposed to call friendly dolphins to us to save us from a sinking ship, thing is it's not been tested yet and we could end up calling a kraken instead Should we use it or wait and see"
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Offline Doctor_Chill

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #38 on: May 29, 2015, 01:29:44 AM »
Doc punched Muttley again, the dastardly Dick still hovering over the fight. "Yes, do it! Or get some help to plug up this hole."

He spluttered out some water and went back to wailing on the pup.
“It’s a dangerous thing, pretense. A man ought to know who he is, even if he isn’t proud to be it.” - Tomorrow the Killing, Daniel Polansky

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Offline eclipse

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #39 on: May 29, 2015, 01:42:11 AM »
Bob flung his spanner knocking over dastardly dick and pressed the button on his machine hoping to the gods that it actually worked and wouldn't do anything strange

According to some,* heroic deaths are admirable things

* Generally those who don't have to do it.Politicians and writers spring to mind

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Offline JMack

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #40 on: May 29, 2015, 02:06:30 AM »
Called by the strange device, friendly dolphins began dancing around the prow of the ship.

"Oh," said one dolphin. "There is a man tied to the bow sprit. That must be uncomfortable. Come brothers! Come sisters! We should free him."

The friendly dolphins began jumping form the water, and each one took a small nibble from the robes binding the nice human. And very soon, the ropes parted. The dolphins were very happy to have helped, and they swam off.

"Aha!" yelled the Frenchman.  "I am zo very very free! I feel ze wind sluicing up my knickers. Eet ees a fine day for a zail"
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Offline Doctor_Chill

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #41 on: May 29, 2015, 02:41:50 AM »
"Here let me help some more," Bob said, pushing Akbar's barrel to plug up the hole. Lower decks were still filled to the brim with salty water. And varmits, Doc noted as he flung Muttley into Dastardly Dick's arms.

He rose to his feet quickly and pulled out his six-shooter before they had time to recover. "Bob, get me that book over there. The one with the antlers on the cover."

The gnome hurried over to the leather bound book and opened. "Whaddaya need?"

"John," Doc said, keeping a wary eye on the two toons," Tell me if there's another way to beat Dastardly Dick and his hound dog."

"They need to walk the plank," the Hound strode down the stairs, cutlass drawn. "What's all the hubbub down here? And the water! Chill, I thought I told you to catch these toons, not bathe 'em."

"Shoulda bathed you," he tossed back. "Anyway, you heard the Captain. Up you go." He beckoned them to the deck with his pistol. They were sluggish to follow till the Cap put his sword at their stomachs. "Go. And Bob, can you try and get this water out o' here in the meantime?"

Gnome nodded. "I shall do my best."

"If yer best involves a shop vac, that'd be just dandy," Cap said running up the stairs. What he saw at the top struck his fancy. "Why, we're in the lead! Hah! Told ya nobody can beat the Schmoking Dutchman! Nobody this side of the Canaries!"

He stopped his cheers when he saw Charlie back on the poopdeck, swinging his hips for the local calimari-men.

"Dammit, you Frenchman," he muttered as he wrastled up some rope again. "Seems Doc lost his Crow's Nest duty."
“It’s a dangerous thing, pretense. A man ought to know who he is, even if he isn’t proud to be it.” - Tomorrow the Killing, Daniel Polansky

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #42 on: May 29, 2015, 05:17:47 AM »
Scarlet looked up and complained "hey I'm trying to sleep here, and my head is just pounding. Can't you stop the racket?"

'Erm, lady', shouted the Cap, 'we're in the middle of a race here, or have you forgotten? Not to mention trying to eliminate Dastardly and Muttley, restrict the frenchie and not worry about a strange floating shiny thing in the distance!'

Oh well, thought Scarlet, I knew they'd need me, that's why I joined Doc in the first place. Better do something, it doesn't even have to make sense.
'Oh is that all? Which one would you think is more important?'

Closing his eyes to the rotating hips while Doc put the rope around the frenchie and dragged him away, Cap sighed 'I don't have time for philosophical questions, frack! Just get us to that island before the fracking Vikings!'

A.R. piped in a soft voice 'We're really not supposed to call them Vikings, Vikings live in a country further to the northeast and...'

Suddenly
[and since she wasn't a writer, she could write 'suddenly' in the middle of an action scene.. oh ok then, follow the leader]

All of a sudden, the ship shuddered and shot through the waters, leaving the ugly blondes behind. It felt like a very big thing was pushing them towards the island.
The force was too much, and in a few seconds the Schmoking Ductchman was stuck in the shallows, right in the island where we were supposed to have arrived a few posts ago.

Everyone [Scarlet wasn't sure who exactly was in the boat anymore, so a general pronoun was usually effective] looked back and saw Scarlet at the back of the ship [who knew what that thing was called properly anyway?], giving a bowl of what looked like chocolate mousse to the big thing who had pushed them and was just now disappearing under the waters.

The Doc looked stunned 'That looked a lot like...'

'GODZILLA' shouted the Cap. ' But she didn't even like it when he showed up last year! Now they're friends?'

'Oh shut up, you ungrateful so-and-so. Needs must, and you asked me for a strong wind to get you to the island. Now, wind as a plot device is so passé, don't you think?'
She stiffled a yawn and looked around.
'Right, the island. What exactly are we supposed to do now?'
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Offline Doctor_Chill

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Re: RPG 2015: Chill's Recruiting Thread
« Reply #43 on: May 29, 2015, 06:00:11 AM »
"We were supposed to sail around the island, you daft witch!" the Cap yelled. "Now all we've got is a dry docked ship and Godzilla out there going back to his underwater den." Pirate shook his head and sighed. "Can't even send off Dastardly Dick and his mangy mutt now. You see what you-"

"Shut it," Scarlet said for the umpteenth time, gawking at the lighthouse.

Bob tugged on the Hound's bootstraps and gave a smile. "I can get the ship off these rocks, sir. Me and my space gnomes and the calimari-men. We can push it or maybe I can pitch together a contraption or...." He trailed off, too.

"It's too late for that now," Cap moaned. "The damn Nords're catching up. We'll never make it around in time. Never. My, I wanted for once in me life to beat a Nord. Just once. And to think-"

"Cap." Scarlet's eyes were still on the lighthouse. "Shut. It." But wait.

Ah. It wasn't a lighthouse. "It's the tower. The one with the ring."
“It’s a dangerous thing, pretense. A man ought to know who he is, even if he isn’t proud to be it.” - Tomorrow the Killing, Daniel Polansky

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