October 23, 2018, 04:54:32 AM

Author Topic: Port Quinta de la Rosa  (Read 1317 times)

Offline Nighteyes

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Re: Port Quinta de la Rosa
« Reply #15 on: August 27, 2018, 08:13:23 AM »
"This will tickle you all. Seems Magalodons need to eat around 400 or 500 ibs of meat a day. That rat was only 100 ibs I would estimate," snorted Olfred as he consulted Scarlet's book on the Flora and Fauna of the Land of Woe. "Absolutely no way will he be satisfied with that measly rat."
"That's what amuses you?" Scarlet snapped. "Now what defeats a Megalodon?"
"The only known predator is Jason Statham."
"Now where are we suppsed to fetch a Jason Statham from?"
"Hmmm... I might be able to help," smiled JayMack as he drew a door in the air with his hoof hand. "Give us a minute."
"Better make that snappy!" Scarlet screamed as the megalodon struck the ship again.
"SNAPPY!" snorted Olfred.
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Offline Henry Dale

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Re: Port Quinta de la Rosa
« Reply #16 on: August 27, 2018, 11:46:29 AM »
Henry got up, very sleepy still.
He got his toothbrush from his pocket and went up to the deck to brush his teeth.
The bustling on the deck did not deter him. Unfazed he flossed his teeth and spat the colourful goo overboard... right into the maw of a vengeful megalodon.
It roared and covered Henry in slime with bits of half-digested giant rat. Henry yawned.
'Someone has morning breath.'

The Bartender pulled Henry aside and shoved him back to the door. 'What kind of adventurer are you? Go get some weapon or something!'
Henry just looked at his toothbrush and raised it slowly in a battle stance.

'We need to keep the beast busy until the feathered king returns!' 1
He too was subsequently covered in slime.

1) The feathered king is an allusion to Jaymack's new attire.

Offline J.R. Darewood

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Re: Port Quinta de la Rosa
« Reply #17 on: September 02, 2018, 12:31:04 AM »
The coconut boat shook precariously as water rose on the left side of the boat. Peeling free of the water, and enormous gaping maw swallowed the megalodon as if it were a minnow.

Looking up from Scarlet's book Olfred whispered in astonishment and horror, "A mega-megalodon..."

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Port Quinta de la Rosa
« Reply #18 on: September 07, 2018, 08:35:53 AM »
The boat seemed to be floating in a purple-coloured water.

Inside the mega-megalodon time passed very slowly, but they couldn't complain: he ate enough fish whole to keep everyone well fed, as well as some fruit trees.

"I'm sick of boiled fish", complained Scarlet. "I need Oggy and her great recipes!"
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Offline Henry Dale

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Re: Port Quinta de la Rosa
« Reply #19 on: September 07, 2018, 01:13:07 PM »
Henry did not mind the fish. He had seen a lot of sushi on his misadventures and this was no different.
Some of the guys played a game, shooting rocks at the beast's uvula.
'10 points!' Henry crowed as the megalodon shuddered when a rock hit. He looked at the wooden doll they had fished out of the murky water earlier. 'Take that, Pinocchio!'

Offline Nighteyes

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Re: Port Quinta de la Rosa
« Reply #20 on: September 17, 2018, 08:59:43 PM »
JayMack stepped through the portal into a busy bar.
"Where's Statham?" he asked.
"Which one do you need?" asked the barkeep pointing to a group of muscular, scowling bald men.   "We have Lock Stock Statham."
"I'll knock you out in a minute! Look, you want to knock him out? *You* knock him out."
"We have Snatch Statham"
"Well where'd you lose him? He ain't a set of fucking car keys is he?"
"We have Spy Statham."
"You really think you're ready for the field? I once used defibrillators on myself. I put shards of glass in my fuckin' eye. I've jumped from a high-rise building using only a raincoat as a parachute and broke both legs upon landing; I still had to pretend I was in a fucking Cirque du Soleil show! I've swallowed enough microchips and shit them back out again to make a computer. This arm has been ripped off completely and re-attached with *this* fuckin' arm."
"We have Transporter Statham"
"You don't need your mouth to pee."
"We have Expendables Statham."
"You were stupid enough to get yourself into this mess! And we're the only ones crazy enough to get you out of it!"
"Do you have The Meg Statham?" asked JayMack.
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Offline J.R. Darewood

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Re: Port Quinta de la Rosa
« Reply #21 on: September 25, 2018, 10:21:49 AM »
"The Meg Statham?" The barkeep shook his head.  "He's still doing a press tour. You might convince him to head home early, for the right price."
"Money is no option," JayMack said confidently.
"I think his fee is 35 million."
"On second thought, what's your cheapest option?"
"10 dollars."
"We'll take that one!"
The barkeep pulled out a lanky, acney-faced smiling youth in a maroon sweatervest.  His metal braces glittered in the candlelight. "I present you: High School Thespian Statham!"

***

"Hey my shoe!"
Henry fired the footwear at the beast's uvula, and another violent shudder rocked the boat. Henry was finding it increasingly difficult to find rocks on his boat inside the mouth of a giant fish.  He eyes wandered, searching.
"Perhaps i could be of assistance..." Olfred the Officious offered.
"Could I borrow your shoe Olfred?"
Olfred crossed his arms frowning.  "To fire at the beast's uvula? It seems to be working! What about a maltov cocktail?"
Henry was aghast.  "Why would someone waste a perfectly good cocktail?"

Offline Venandiaer

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Re: Port Quinta de la Rosa
« Reply #22 on: October 18, 2018, 10:16:33 AM »
“Oo, oo, Oi!” A voice rang throughout the gloom of the Mega-Megaladon. Those on deck looked up as a figure appeared out of the fishy gloom, rising from the oesophagus of the Mega-Megalodon. Amongst the dankness of the monsters innards, deep orange eyes glistened. Something was inhuman about this figure, as he levitated on some kind of carpet. Short, and thick set, covered in heavy orange hair.
"An Oranghutan?" Scarlett questioned, as the creature came into view.
"On a magic carpet?" Henry said, while searching for another shoe.
Olfred face was pale as he began to speak at a million miles an hour. "Impossible, Orangutan's were declared extinct by the gibbon-enthusiasts of Fantasy Asia eight years ago. Plus any magic carpet for transportation is banned, since the incident with the lava tiger and..."
As Olfed spoke, the creature in the distance raised his arm in a lazy greeting. A deep booming voice cut off Olfred's words. “What a cacophony of muddling you homo-sapiens have found yourselves in.” The simian smiled down, rising both arms. “But rejoice, for the Mega-Mega-Monk is here. He will guide you out of this piscine tartarus, if you wish. He shall proceed towards the gills! Or the anus, whichever you prefer. May your biology lessons pay off!”
"It talks! That's it, I'm out! I don't know what that is but I'm calling the RSPCA, or whatever this world has." Olfred muttered.
"Call the Fishmongers Union while your at it." Henry suggested. "We have enough sushi for all of that country we just came from."
The Orangutan glared. "Are you coming or not, or do I have to do another motivating speech for you fools? My splendiferousness only goes so far."
Scarlett looked at him. "Who are you again? I don't like your tone."
"Oo, Oo, OO!" The Orangutan Monk raged.
« Last Edit: October 18, 2018, 10:37:01 PM by Venandiaer »