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Messages - Crystallynnfairy

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[NOV 2016] 1750 / Re: [NOV 2016] - 1750 - Voting Thread
« on: January 02, 2017, 01:12:12 PM »
@Nora Thanks! Confirmation: A vote for each of the top three.

[NOV 2016] 1750 / Re: [NOV 2016] - 1750 - Critique Thread
« on: January 02, 2017, 01:07:07 PM »
@The Gem Cutter lovely!
My part time job is at a metaphysical gift shop and we have a good bit of different stones/gems/crystals. Is amazonite your favorite? Labradorite I adore. Selenite just has this soft etherealness that I love. In my "money is no issue" fantasies, I would have a giant smoky quartz geode cut for the headboard of a bed.

[NOV 2016] 1750 / Re: [NOV 2016] - 1750 - Critique Thread
« on: January 02, 2017, 12:36:57 AM »
I would like to hear thoughts on The Witches Bottle. Thanks

[NOV 2016] 1750 / Re: [NOV 2016] - 1750 - Voting Thread
« on: January 02, 2017, 12:32:06 AM »

My memory is off and I can not remember exactly how I voted.  :-[ I think it was one for each of the top three.
 Congratulations @Lordoftheword

[NOV 2016] 1750 / Re: [NOV 2016] - 1750 - Voting Thread
« on: January 01, 2017, 03:28:24 AM »
I voted!

[DEC 2016] Dragons / Re: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Submission Thread
« on: January 01, 2017, 03:25:39 AM »
1252 words

A Fitting

Spoiler for Hiden:

Myaria had spent three days working on the structure weaving wood, vines and leaves into the dragon head before her. Her hands were covered in bloody nicks and scratches. Her body ached. She walked around the structure, taking in the details. Vines twisted, leaves layered into scales, and natural paints came together to make her dragon. She looked to the flower eyes. They needed darkness around the eyes.

She lowered herself to the woven matt on the ground to collect soot from the fire pit. It felt so good to sit. She stretched out and looked to the clear sky. Just a few minutes she thought and let her eyes close.

She is a child again with her Father on his boat the Waterfly. The name was one of the few memories that stayed with her. Swaying, cuddled together on a hammock, he pointed to the stars and told their stories. The sun came up and the clouds closed in, a storm rolled toward them they tried to outrun it. As they headed home the temperature dropped, swells rose and spray burned their her eyes. Her Father hugged her and sent her below deck. She stopped on the stairs and held the rail. She watched through squinted eyes as the winds and waves battered the sails. She was jolted as a deafening sound splintered around her. Cold water and screams accompanied the end of the world she had known.

The sun burned as it beat down on her. Her lips cracked when she drew in a deep breath. She still held onto the railing. Time passed, day turned to night and into day. She didn't know how long she floated. The minutes stretched into eternity.

She didn't register the shadow at first. It circled several times before she found the strength to look up. It was magnificent. A red dragon flew above her. She let the rail go and floated on her back. She gave herself up to it.
A throaty roar broke the monotonous lapping of the water. It dove right toward her. The claw slammed into her. It pushed her down, she choked on saltwater. It tightened its grasp on her and lifted her up into the air. She coughed out the water and watched it fall away.

Myaria gasped for air and woke herself. She sat up on the matt. She looked around to see night had fallen. A circle of torches surrounded her and the dragon head. She knew the community was there, just out of sight. Priestess Naihi came and knelt beside her. The scales along the top of Priestess Naihi's brow shimmered in the torch light. She took Myaria's hand in her claw tipped hand and helped her to her feet.

"Rathia the Red brought you to us many years ago." Priestess Naihi smiled and caressed a scar along side Myaria's cheek. "We healed you. We came to know and love you." She reached into a pouch at her waist and pulled out a small glass bottle. "And tonight you offer yourself to us to serve Dragons."

Myaria takes the offered bottle. The liquid is thick and dark. She drinks it down in a single bitter gulp.

"?May a Dragon choose you and not let Death claim you.? "

Myaria followed Priestess Naihi into the mouth of the dragon. Inside hung a hammock. The room wavered in Myaria's vision. She stumbled onto the hammock. Priestess Naihi's hand was quick to steady her. She expertly guided her into a laying position. The torch light outside shown through the gaps in the dragon head. It had a strange texture matching the slow drumming that had started up. It turned her stomach.

Myaria swallowed and turned to face Priestess Naihi, "If I am not..." The words trailed off as she followed a pattern of light flit about the room.

"Shhh, My. Don't fight it." Priestess Naihi said as she dabbed the sweat from Myaria's forehead. "Close your eyes. Go with it. Find the one that fits and you will know you are chosen. You will change and the drink will no longer have effect on you. When you are chosen and ready to join us. Walk out the mouth on a bed of coals without burning." Naihi said. She kissed her cheek then she straightened. "If you are not chosen the drink will stop your heart." She said and left.

Myaria let her eyes close. She floated in nothingness. A memory of the moon reflected in rolling waves came to mind. She floated. She could feel huge masses of energy. They came near then went away. She was curious but not enough to reach for them. Time no longer mattered. She floated along.

"If none will try, I will." A deep male voice boomed into her mind. The world exploded in riotous color. It jarred her. She fought against the connection. "Not a fit for me." the voice said and the energy moved away. The darkness reclaimed her.

The next gently touched her in little brushes against her consciousness. She glimpsed a green world. She tried to let the connection happen. Maybe she tried too hard.

"Not to be." the faintest whisper of a voice touched her.

A few others tried to connect. Though the few that easily joined with her weren't the right matches.

One came close and sniffed her. It circled her and sniffed again like it was trying to place the scent. It did this a few more times then declared "Rathia! She smells of Rathia." It laughed and drifted off.

The energies slowed. She drifted. Memories came and went. Priestess Naihi spoon-feeding her soup, dancing to  drums by a fire, Her mother's face. She tried to grasp onto that memory. She wanted to remember more of her mother. She saw her father at the prow of the Waterfly. She saw the shadow pass.

The energy that cast that shadow came near her. She wanted to leap toward it. It called to her. They circled and came together. Together they floated and together they flew. They sailed through the sky. They turned and spun. Memories of her mother played in their minds eye. Her mother tucked them in bed. They terrorized a herd of sheep. They exhausted themselves.

"We will gift you and we will serve." Raitha and Myaria vowed together.

Myaria felt a deep relief. Not only was she chosen, she had memories of her mother. It started with a tingle and as she became more aware of her body it became a burn. A fire raged inside her. It cleansed and reshaped her. When it was over she sat up. She raised her hands to her face. She felt scales on her cheeks and along the edges of her face. There were spines around her neck, they cascaded down her shoulders and trailed her arms. She was remade.

She was aware of Rathia in her mind. She helped take the pain. She took pleasure in Myaria's bodily changes. She wanted to see them and was already on her way. Myarai thanked her.

She was ready to join her community. She stood and moved to the dragons mouth. She could feel the heat from the coals. On the other side Naihi and the others waited. Naihi nodded and beckoned Myaria. She took a deep breath, felt Rathia's strength and stepped onto the coals. She took deliberate easy steps until she stepped off the coals and into Naihi's out stretched arms.

"You are beautiful"

[OCT 2016] Corpses / Re: [OCT 2016] - Corpses - Critique Thread
« on: December 11, 2016, 01:25:36 AM »
@Lanko Thank you for the feedback. Happy to get one of your critiques.  I like the way you set them up.
If I write more to the story the Grandmother will have been killed but in a way that everyone believes to be natural.
The scent difference was just usual death changes.

General Discussion / An animated short
« on: December 09, 2016, 09:05:03 PM »
I came across this animated short called The Lighthouse by Simon Scheiber.
I enjoyed it, thought some here might as well.

[NOV 2016] 1750 / Re: [NOV 2016] - 1750 - Voting Thread
« on: December 09, 2016, 02:04:51 AM »
Voted! I enjoyed all the submissions.

[OCT 2016] Corpses / Re: [OCT 2016] - Corpses - Critique Thread
« on: December 08, 2016, 07:56:51 PM »
Just because...
Spoiler for Hiden:

Read Alongs / Re: The Hobbit
« on: December 08, 2016, 04:48:12 PM »

Long ago I realized there were plenty of books that I would enjoy and that I didn't need to  spend time on a book that felt like a chore. And reading The Hobbit feels that way, I just cannot make myself finish this book. I made it 126 pages in, the beginning of chapter VII Queer Lodgings. I found myself avoiding reading because I wasn't into it enough. 
I think that if I had been read this as a child I would have adored it.
I am going to attempt to describe how the bit I made it through seemed to me as an adult coming to it. It feels almost like an elaborate out line for a book in that I enjoyed the plotting but the meat of it was missing. That is the only way I could think of to describe it.   :-\
The only way I will revisit this book is if I have a child, then I would read it aloud to them.

[OCT 2016] Corpses / Re: [OCT 2016] - Corpses - Critique Thread
« on: December 08, 2016, 03:51:40 PM »
Thank you for the critique. Now that you've said it I can see Affinity as a prologue. Maybe I will revisit it in some time as a prompt. You've given me some valuable things to think about.
100% right about double checking the formatting before posting. It was hard to read without the visual space breaks.

@Jmack Here are my thoughts on Hoy Girl
Spoiler for Hiden:
I got into this story, slipped right into that forget you are reading space.
This bit
on top the wedding quilt she’d slept under forty years married and twenty years widowed
I just loved. It said/described so much about the character for me in a second.
There was a styling to the words that lent the story to a place without being overdone. I liked this line.
"Hells, Gran. Won't do any good to give you a smack, so I guess I gotta give you that kiss."
It made me chuckle and I felt the mourning of the relationship for the Hoy Girl.
I would happily read more about this character, I would like to see some of the fights Brother Kent and she get into.
There wasn't anything that I didn't enjoy.   

Introductions / Re: Hello
« on: December 07, 2016, 08:21:10 PM »
Hello and welcome!

Fantasy Movies, Comic Books & Video Games / Re: Westworld (Spoilers)
« on: December 07, 2016, 03:48:33 PM »
Re: Westworld (Spoilers)
« Reply #84 on: Today at 01:07:25 PM »


Quote from: The Gem Cutter on Today at 06:08:29 AM

    1. The A-Team guys sucked - even more than Stormtroopers. I have not rewatched, but it seemed several times that they could have shot the Gunslinger and Armistice, but didn't. Suggests they're hosts.
    2. Armistice's smile wasn't just the badass smile at death thing, it suggests ... fraternity.
    3. We saw neither the gunslinger nor Armistice die. We (I) assumed he died as the elevator doors closed, but if the guards are hosts, and are set to consider the gunslinger and Armistice as humans, they'd miss no matter what they did.
    4. Their little jaunt took them to Samurai World (YAY! WOOOOT! Can't wait! Err, ahem.) That might have been the goal, get Maebe out to another park where, while not Japanese, she does have a bit of a Pacific Rim to her look. Her two Caucasian buddies stand out - esp. with a missing arm.
    5. Felix is a host, it seems. And the note was designed, clearly, to stimulate Maebe's deepest, core story. Essentially, the brakes.
    6. Maebe got on the train with a bag, left without one. Could the whole thing be for that? What's in the bag? Data? A message? A parcel a host at another stop will retrieve? A bomb? A MacGuffin for later use? NEXT SEASON'S SCRIPT!?!?
    7. With the train gone, the terminal and its hosts shut down, but Maebe did not. For that matter, so are her two friends. She's perfectly situated to become a code-carrying pathogen for Samurai World as a pretend guest. The wardrobes must be there, etc., etc.
    8. Felix is a host and can repair Armistice. And maybe get Gunslinger some pants.

Some thoughts on a few of these:

1. Wouldn't be surprised if their hosts, why risk humans for dangerous tasks when you can risk robots (I wonder what the modern military is like).  But it could be that they had to be horrible shots because our people needed to escape but a firefight made things more entertaining.
4. I fully expect her to visit other parks whether it's Samurai World or somewhere else.  They'll use her as a vehicle to show what's going on outside the main Westworld world.
5. I'm not sure Felix is a host.  It does seem plausible but Maeve knew Bernard was one so if Felix was also one she likely would have known.  Her "you make a terrible human" comment can be looked at both ways, he's a host that's terrible at acting like a human or a human who doesn't seem to act like other humans (in a good way).  I also don't think he's a brake man but instead he forces her to make a conscious choice.  I was reading elsewhere and the last line of her script that we see is "Mainland Infiltration".  According to the script she was supposed to leave, however Felix's note presented her with a choice which she took and broke the script with which shows she's now independent of whatever Ford had planned.

Yeah, now I think about these thing and do a complete rewatch.

One thing I had thought was that the maze may have been a way out for those who reached conciseness. They would meet Arnold in the chair and maybe he would then smuggle them out, until Delores ended up in the chair. As she said she didn't want to leave, so she killed Arnold.

I don't think Felix is a host, either.

I wondered if Maeve were to make it out into the real world would she find more "hosts".
So excited for the next season.

[OCT 2016] Corpses / Re: [OCT 2016] - Corpses - Critique Thread
« on: December 07, 2016, 04:48:21 AM »
ok, I'll go ahead and throw Affinity in as well for a critique. I know that there are quite a bit of grammatical errors and some tense mess ups, more interested in story stuff. Thanks for any of you thoughts

In no particular order, the below aren't full reviews/critiques but more what I liked and what I didn't care for.

DRIN by Osahon
Spoiler for Hiden:
I enjoyed the creepiness of it, especially the bit about knowing if all the dead were out.
I was confused about the end. Does Har get out of the house, become one of the bodies, become a new Wagonman, or something else.

The Bridge Battle by The Gem Cutter
Spoiler for Hiden:
The only thing that threw me a bit was picturing the action in the opening, I had to reread it a couple times to get straight and see it clearly.
I enjoyed the inner turmoil of the character thinking his friends had betrayed him than finding out the opposite was true. I really wanted more story when it ended.

Job gone Wrong by Shadowkat
Spoiler for Hiden:
I enjoyed this story more on my second read. I enjoyed the dialogue especially the "not the employee guy" bit. Easily pictured the story in my head. The twist of the meeting place and dead controlling ring were nice. I don't really have any critique.

Fashion Monsters by NightWrite
Spoiler for Hiden:
I enjoyed this story, it had a smooth flow and good pacing.
Just a personal preference, I would have liked a mention of the sickness and just how contagious it was so that when she opened that box the reader would know what's up at the same time.

Soul Speaker by Bradley Darewood
Spoiler for Hiden:
This was one of my top voted stories. My only critique is that the boy talked older than his age. Though the part about him being proud of his ability to not need the bodies helped, it is a kid bragging.
I would very muck like to read more in this world.

Harry by Lord of the Word
Spoiler for Hiden:
I enjoyed this one quite a bit despite Harry being more of a supernatural corpse than a basic corpse. Imagining a visible to only me corpse that just hangs out on my dresser watching over me without moving every night would creep me out.  I liked that by the end I liked the corpse. The girl was written like a girl and acted/talked that way.

Wainacawnathun by m3mnoch
Spoiler for Hiden:
I know that it was need for the story but reading the busted nose speaking bits was tough because I had to think about it, that prevented me from slipping into that forgetting your reading state. I adored the idea of a magical fixer/cleaner. Loved the comical ending.

The Raid by Captain of the Guard
Spoiler for Hiden:
I liked the interplay between the sisters, it felt like a real relationship. I wasn't sure what happened in the village and what they were running from, are the dukes men bad or not? I like the unexpected of the goblins and goblin king. I would have read more.

Some Call it Freedom by Light Runner
Spoiler for Hiden:
I liked that it was an unexpected take on a corpse story. I enjoyed the struggle of keeping everything else going until it just fades away. I liked the viewpoint character.

Blick - Anon
Spoiler for Hiden:
It flowed nicely. While it wasn't my normal style I enjoy it kept my interest. I wish there had been a bit more explanation of how she got those eyes or what she was if that was the case.

Memories by Anon
Spoiler for Hiden:
The use of animal corpses, taxidermy intrigued me. I know people whom it terrifies. I enjoyed the end, that a dead bird they found she saw the beauty in letting nature take its course while he wanted to preserve it.

Pit of Forgiveness by Anon
Spoiler for Hiden:
Interesting, I liked the premise. I think it is relatable to most people in that at some point we may be alone in our life and while not everyone will I think suicide is a that more people than you'd think at some point think about suicide even if not seriously. I would have liked  a to know more the creatures that are trapped in there with them.

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