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Messages - AngelHaze

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General Discussion / Re: Dwarven Jokes
« on: February 12, 2015, 06:23:10 PM »
 :) Thought I'd share some of the ones I found:

Q: How many dwarves does it take to replace a lantern?
A: One, he's got an axe, and he's level with your groin, so you best not have been thinking of anything clever.

Q. How many men does it take to open a keg?
A. None. The lady should have it opened on the table.

Love has four letters, but then again so does mead.

A dwarf walks out of a bar. Hey, it COULD happen!

(After spilling a beer on a pretty lady) Did you just take a shower or is it me that's making you wet?

Hey, you owe me a drink. I dropped mine when you walked past.

A horde of orcs is wandering through the countryside looking for towns to pillage when the chieftain spots a lone dwarf standing on a rocky outcropping atop a nearby hill.
The dwarf yells as loud as he can, "I am Bjorn Bjornson and I dare you to send your best warrior up here!"
The orc chieftain points at this best warrior and off he goes around the outcropping. The dwarf jumps down and the sounds of battle are heard. Seconds later the orc's head comes rolling down the hill.
The dwarf climbs back up and yells, "I am Bjorn Bjornson and I dare you to send your two best warriors up here!"
The orc chief points at his two best warriors and off they go. Moments later there are sounds of battle and then both orc heads come rolling down the hill.
The dwarf climbs back into view and yells again, " I AM BJORN BJORNSON AND I DARE YOU TO SEND YOUR 10 BEST WARRIORS UP HERE!!"
The orc chief waves and his 10 best warriors run around the outcropping. After a few seconds, all 10 heads come rolling down the hill.
The dwarf climbs bacl up on the outcropping and yells, "I AM BJORN BJORNSON AND I DARE YOU TO SEND YOUR 100 BEST WARRIORS UP HERE!!"
The orc chief motions and 100 orcs charge up the hill. The clash of weapons starts ringing down the hill and dozens of orc heads start bouncing across the ground.
Eventually, one orc comes running back down and starts screaming, "Boss, it's a trap! Dere's two of dem!"

The Mean Gold Smith
There was a gold smith who was deliberately hard on his apprentice. He gave him a bottle and said, "Buy me a bottle of beer."
The apprentice asked, "How can I buy you beer with no money at all?"
The gold smith said, "Anyone can buy beer with money. It takes real skill to buy beer without money."
After a while the apprentice returned with the empty bottle. He handed the bottle to the gold smith and said, "Enjoy the beer, please."
Staring at the empty bottle, the gold smith asked, "There is no beer, how can I enjoy this?"
The apprentice said, "Anyone can enjoy beer if there is some. It takes real skill to enjoy beer when there is none."

Aye, so a dwarf, a gnome and an elf all die and go to the Beastlands. Now apparently, Ehlonna had decided it was getting too full, so she made a game where you have to climb up a flight of 50 stairs and on each step hear a joke. If you ever laugh, you get sent to Gehenna instead.

So they all went up the stairs. The dwarf laughed on the 20th step and the gnome laughed on the 30th. The elf, as shocking as it may seem, managed to get all the way up. Before they were sent away, the dwarf asked the elf what kind of arcane magic he be using to cheat on this game. The elf simply replied, "Oh, that was the first joke I got."

General Discussion / Best battle songs?
« on: February 12, 2015, 06:12:29 PM »
What songs would you listen to before heading into battle?

The first ones that come to mind for me are:

Inside the Fire: Disturbed
Indestructible: Disturbed
Ten Thousand Fists: Disturbed
Bodies: Drowning Pool

What are your battle songs?

General Discussion / Re: Dwarven Joke
« on: February 12, 2015, 03:20:31 PM »
Oh awesome! Some really good ones in there!

Keep them coming!

General Discussion / Dwarven Joke
« on: February 12, 2015, 04:28:56 AM »
    Hey! I'm looking for a joke a drunken dwarf might say in a bar. Know any good ones?

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