December 15, 2018, 02:34:27 AM

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Messages - JMack

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Writers' Corner / Re: How much did you write today?
« on: Today at 12:04:23 AM »
Oh my. Draft 1 complete at 7,305 words.

Yeah, this will be easy to cut down to 5K.

5s sounds more like they were teaching Lean and that's a 20 minute segment not 8 hours surely?
Never underestimate the power of stretching training stuff ;D

I just got home from a Carols Service and I'm all up and singing :D

Yes, it was LEAN, and it was probably closer to 6 hours when you take out the lunch, etc.

So it was a lean lunch.
But was it tasty?

Writers' Corner / Re: How much did you write today?
« on: December 14, 2018, 12:31:27 PM »
Story is up to 5,700 words, and I expect it needs another 1,000 to complete the first draft.
Hmm. Story limit of 5,000.
5,700 + 1,000 <> 5,000.

This might be a problem.

Linus got a herpes infection on top of the scarlet fever and his complete mouth is one big sore.
He hasn't eaten in three days and even drinking is hurting. Hopefully it's better soon...

Yikes! You and your wife need to get out of there before he gets you sick too!  :o

Oh, wait.  ;D

Lois McMaster Bujold says the writer must create characters she loves, put them in a tree, and burn down the tree.

Hi, @Rohan_Vider,

Call me unenlightened  ;), I have no idea what LitRPG really is.
How would you describe it?

I don't buy a book by its cover, but I don't buy a book by its cover  :P

Excellent statement.
And true except for the exceptions.
I’m looking at you, Wheel of Time series.

Lucky jerks. I have to go to an eight hour six-sigma nonsense seminar  :'(

Just arrange to have an organ removed, like me, and you can skip it!  ;D

[OCT 2018] Small Magics / Re: Small magics - Critique Thread
« on: December 12, 2018, 12:50:45 PM »
Meanwhile, comments on my story “Inheritance” would be welcome.

[OCT 2018] Small Magics / Re: Small magics - Critique Thread
« on: December 12, 2018, 12:33:20 PM »
Hi, @Nora:

I really love the premise and promise of this piece. I think there’s also work to be done. Since I don’t need to worry about ruffling your feathers, here go my opinions:

> Problem: Between the initial stakeout and the discussion with the partner, there’s too much “tell” infodump without conflict or action. This gets dull and it also turns the partner into an NPC instead of a real person with his own agenda.
> Possibility: Turn the stakeout into something that matters. For example, he’s sketching the Artist’s latest foray in his notebook, revealing the difference between normal sight and magical sight. (If you want, put a normal human partner with him to argue about what is seen.) End with him noticing that she’s inserted a message to him. In fact, it’s so fresh and recent, he knows she must be watching, but he’s a total failure seeing her; he gets lost in her work, instead.

> Problem/Possibility: Back to the partner, turn this into conflict. You say he’s a cold shoulder to cry on, but he immediately offers a donut and patiently walks through the case with our hero. Instead, make him a jerk who would like nothing better than for Iain to fall the rest of the way from his formerly high perch. The realization that Iain should take another road can come more as something Tom didn’t know he was saying, but Iain makes a connection.

> Problem: The “wiped” concept comes late and lame.
> Possibility: If it’s there from the start, then Iain has a moral quandary all the way through, caught between personal ambition, commitment to order, and a grudging, guilty, admission that he values the Artist’s graffiti and her personal freedom more than he’d like to admit. What will he do?

> Problem/Possibility: The present tense approach feels very tell this time, rather than show. That’s not,always the case when you (Nora) write in present tense, but it feels that way to me here. Either make the present tense more visceral, with far less explanation of what’s happening, or shift to past tense. Keep Iain’s final plan more of a mystery. Give us surprise when he pulls out the paint brush and starts in on his own art.

> Problem: The story ends abruptly, rushing to the end after all the build up. Problem with 1,500 words, of. Course, but...
> Possibility: Gives us a circular structure for a sense of satisfying closure. Go back to the same wall where we started. Back then, make clear that there is a still open space the Artist hasn’t decorated and that Iain’s interference means her work was incomplete. Now, here at the end, Iain sets about to complete it. And to add mystery, perhaps the response -the smile - appears almost immediately. This is magic, after all. And again, he looks around and can’t find her. But his feelings have changed. I’m not sure of the capstone line for it, but I think it’s there.

OK, that was really rude of me to not just crit what you’ve written. Instead, I guess I went and got some alchemical paints and started in myself. Do I get a hidden smile?  ;)

Writers' Corner / Re: How much did you write today?
« on: December 11, 2018, 10:48:18 PM »
The fact that no one has posted here since August reinforces how quiet it’s gotten at F-F.  :'(

But, for,the record, i’m Over 3,000 the last two,days working on a 5,000 word story challenge. Almost every other writer probably doesn’t get this, but i’ve Been writing flash fiction under 1,500 words so singularly, that the experience of writing a longer story is pretty daunting.


Doesn’t everything taste better with sosej?


I may have reached a new height of procrastination today. I sat down to write another thousand words . . . . and now I have started a blog.


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