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Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend Well, considering I've just outed myself this morning at work by having a 'fit' at my desk in front of everyone and having to come home bawling my eyes out, and seeing how Nora and Wakarimasen were brave enough to share their stories, I might as well come out to you guys here.

I'm the 'friend', I wrote the thing (I don't really like to call it a poem).

Thanks for the 'likes' - you don't imagine the difference it makes to see them there, such a little thing :)

Thanks for your words, Wakarimasen, for understanding. So many people simply decide to ask me out more, as if the illness was caused by a sort of plague/keeping away from people. It's like telling someone with a broken leg to just put some weight on it and you'll feel better ::)
And it's amazing how, when one person is brave enough to talk about it, others will come and say they have it too, and suddenly you don't feel so alone in the universe anymore.

I know I will get better.
I know, because this is the 4th time I have it: regular (almost) as clockwork, it appears every 6 years.
But each time it's slightly different.
Still, the knowledge doesn't make me any more hopeful, it doesn't make the pills work any faster.

So basically I just want to apologise in advance for any posts made while 'under the influence' ;) We can't delete anything here afterwards, even though I tried hehe
And thanks for being here and for F-F being such an amazing place, where I found such amazing people/*friends* :-*

May 11, 2015, 01:24:36 PM
Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend Depression is quite common in my gf's family so I understand what you are going through.

Words may help, but maybe comics help more?

Because of what I said above, I collected some beautiful comics about depression. Hope you enjoy them! :)

May 11, 2015, 07:45:50 PM
Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend I look forward to you story Jmack ,just remember who gave you credits to get you started haha

Scarletbea I would love to meet up with you one day eventually, you could show me the sites and have cake. Just don't let me make excuse up not to go like I'm scared what happens if I run out of things to say

Eli, I know what you mean about group of friends I sometimes get jealous and wish I had more friends but I wonder how close there really are. I've now got two really close friends I've made who I feel comfortable with

May 11, 2015, 09:53:24 PM
Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend Thank you @Jmack for starting this discussion thread and @ScarletBea for the poem and the initial sharing of your feelings.  To others here, @Nora, @wakarimasen, @Eclipse and @Eli Freysson,  who have opened up and shared your experience of depression, anxiety and associated conditions that you have to live with, please accept my sincere respect and admiration for your courage. It must have been very hard to write it all down and post it here as anonymous forums are often a way to disguise your true self in some respects and escape from things that make life difficult or miserable.

I realise the effects of these conditions are different for everyone but those of us who have no experience don't know how to respond and yet seriously want to offer help. I am always here to listen and please feel free to PM me at any time if you just want to chat and let it all out. Sometimes our time difference will work against a quick reply, sometimes it may be an advantage because my daytime is the night for some when things can often seem even blacker than in the day.

With this community you all know now that you have friends standing nearby.

The comics are brilliant, will be passing those links on where they will be appreciated, thanks :)

May 12, 2015, 12:49:06 AM
Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend Eli, your problems are definitely not trivial!
That's just your brain putting you down (I know!).
So thanks for sharing too, and I hope F-F helps a bit in making you happier in general.

This one ressonated with me and made me laugh because it's so true, although thankfully it doesn't happen a lot in the morning, it's mostly after one of the 'fits'.
If you'd like a chuckle in here, read on, what goes on inside most times when the event from the cartoon is happening.

Spoiler for Hiden:
Brain: It's time to move.
Body: mmmmmmmmm

Brain: You've really been here not moving for far too long, move.
Body: mmmmmmmmm

Brain: Ok, I'll do a countdown and at the end you move, ok?
Body: mmmm

Brain: five-four-three-two-one-zero, move
Body: mmmmmmmmm

Brain: Hey! Ok, one more: cinq-quatre-trois-deux-un-zero, move
Body: mmmmmmmmm

Brain: Really? cinco-quatro-tres-dois-um-zero
Body: mmmmmmmmm

Brain: still? funf-vier-drei-zwei-eins-null
Body: mmmmmmmmm

Brain: last one. I don't know any more languages. cinco-cuatro-tres-dos-uno, zero
Body: mmmmmmmmm

Brain: no, you know I can't do italian, it always comes out as weird spanish
Body: mmmm
*moves very slowly*

May 12, 2015, 02:28:41 AM
Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend Ok. I have the feeling that some people do care :) - not only about me, but trying to understand better what the illness represents.
So here's something I found today that sheds some more light on the whole issue.

We talked before how I like modern art - which for me is all about feelings, rather than any particular technique.
Today at the Tate Liverpool I saw this painting that for me really reflects what's happening to me:

This is my brain. Organised, logical, coherent, working all as normal... if you only see the outside border.
However when you look inside everything is broken, out of synch, out of order, confused, random.
Nobody really sees inside, except when the little broken pieces come to the surface, during my 'crisis moments'.

May 16, 2015, 06:30:16 PM
Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend Anyone that can talk about their own struggles are NOT weak. Opening yourself up to others takes an incredible amount of courage.

I lost my mother a couple of years ago, it's safe to say she was the centre of my universe and right up until cancer finally took her I was in complete denial. Even after she passed I flat out refused it. Thinking myself strong by appearing normal I was taking my emotions (which were wild and unpredictable) out on those closest to me. I have since apologised and worked my way back into their understanding good graces.

I bought a little book, and started writing down the thoughts that were trying to (what felt like) kill me. Every day adding something just to get it out of my head and look at it.

One thing I wrote down (I can't remember exactly without it being on me) Is how proud people are slaves. Puppets that are forced to conceal their true feelings out of absolute fear that the world or even a single person might see weakness. Some of the greatest atrocities on earth have been committed as acts of pride. The bottling up of all these emotions, placing them on some unseen shelf for you to eventually deal with alone (but of course you never do) all in the name of superficial strength eventually leads to your own self destruction. Had I had the true strength of character to seek help sooner maybe I wouldn't have hurt so many others, their only crime trying to help me.

I then sought out help and simply letting open the flood gates and offloading the contents of my head to someone who understood, or even just listened was like someone opening a pressure valve on me and I could breathe again.

As ScarletBea said, depression is different for everyone. And I have the highest respect for anyone strong enough to voice their struggle, for in doing so you expose yourself in the most intimate manner to the outside world. That takes true courage.

Every one needs a hug every now and again  ;D

May 19, 2015, 10:04:23 AM
Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend Eclipse, it will be hard no matter what, but spending time with nieces is the best feeling!
I'm currently sitting on the floor, in the dark, by my 3-year old niece's bed, waiting for her to fall asleep - I got her into bed, read her a bunch of stories, and she even read one to me!
It did me the world of good :D
And the 1.5-months one is also extremely cute and cuddly ;D

I hope you do enjoy yours, and have a lovely time.

And another sharing bit: there are so many nice people out there, the ones that ask me if I'm ok and if i need help when they see me crying in corners of places or streets, and especially for leaving me alone  when I say no, I don't need anything.

May 23, 2015, 09:24:27 PM
Re: Miscellaneous Musings hehehe
I have to admit I wasn't thinking of that when I created the thread ::)
The world of books is admirable 8)

June 23, 2015, 08:43:26 PM
Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend Today I found a quote by Stephen Fry that ressonated with me:

"If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather. **
Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do."

Thanks to all who posted here, you definitely fit in this description :-*
I'm slowly... very slowly... getting better. I think. Still too many awful days to realise that, but my doctor says so :)

** to be honest, it is an illness of the limbic system. But that is not the answer to the 'why' question, just to the 'what'.

June 27, 2015, 02:33:55 PM