April 24, 2018, 04:02:42 AM

Author Topic: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel  (Read 129152 times)

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2130 on: February 21, 2018, 02:45:50 AM »
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2131 on: February 21, 2018, 11:55:06 AM »
I fear I can't handle stress anymore (or I have to relearn...)

This morning I've had to juggle several things at the same time and now my head hurts and I'm all upset :-\ It didn't use to be like this, before... before everything.

Anyway, I'm off to Pizza Hut with a friend and the all-you-can-eat buffet, and hope the calories allow me to go through the afternoon in a better condition ::) ;D


And also I'm annoyed at the attack on the main site and the fact that the polls here are all broken, and there's nothing I can do to fix anything >:(
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Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2132 on: February 21, 2018, 01:12:40 PM »
I fear I can't handle stress anymore (or I have to relearn...)

This morning I've had to juggle several things at the same time and now my head hurts and I'm all upset :-\ It didn't use to be like this, before... before everything.

I would be a true hypocrite if I said anything except "that happens to me too all the time."
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline Rostum

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2133 on: February 22, 2018, 03:17:32 AM »
I try to remember that none of it will matter in a hundred years and most of it won't matter next week.
Task manager got useful when I couldn't actively juggle 16 things at one any more without the risk of forgetting something.

Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2134 on: February 22, 2018, 11:53:30 AM »
I'm getting some early reactions regarding my autism booklet, and it is being distributed to school employees and parents. It's meeting with a lot of positivity.

I've also been looking into doing more speaking on autism. I've approached several organisations, including the town offices and a seminar organisation, and they are considering paying me for a lecture. I'll be hearing from several of them soon, and I know a few are definitely going to host me. It's just a matter of timing.
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Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2135 on: February 22, 2018, 11:04:14 PM »
Are you folks familiar with that forest in Japan, which is notorious for the insane amount of suicides committed in it? I watched once watched a Youtube video about a geologist who goes there regularly, and finds either bodies, abandoned tents, or creepy markers people have left behind before going into the foliage to die. The guy clearly has a big heart, and one thing he said in that video has stuck with me ever since.

"You think you die alone, but that's not true. Nobody is alone in this world."

I just got back from a university get-together at a restaurant, and then at a bar. I just don't get many opportunities to socialise, and I have a poor grasp of how other people see me. It doesn't take much for me to feel isolated. But at this get-together I met the best friend I've made during my little university experiment, whom I haven't met in person for a year, because she moved to Barcelona. I also had to take in the fact that several familiar faces were actually happy to see me, and the subject of my various autism efforts was brought up.

Society pushes us, especially men, towards emotional isolation and an empty pretence of not needing anyone, of being invulnerable. But damn did all of that feel good.
« Last Edit: February 22, 2018, 11:31:04 PM by Eli_Freysson »
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Offline Lady Ty

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2136 on: February 22, 2018, 11:18:44 PM »
@Eli_Freysson, it is wonderful to read your positivity and to have watched how much you have changed over the last few years. You made up your mind to get out and socialise, going to uni, choosing to mix and gradually overcoming your worries to also write a pamphlet, give lectures and help others.
You did all this for yourself and with your own determination. Please accept my sincere admiration and hopes that it will continue to get better and better in the future.
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Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2137 on: February 22, 2018, 11:35:25 PM »
Thank you very much @Lady Ty.

You know, the subject of sincerity always reminds me of an old Icelandic rock song. A chunk of the lyrics goes (translated):

A man who opens his heart is considered stupid
If he doesn't know how to lie, then what happens to him?
He is crushed under heel like the leaves
We fear his heart, and earnest eyes
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Offline Magnus Hedén

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2138 on: February 23, 2018, 12:23:58 PM »
Anger and lust are the only things "real" men are supposed to feel.

It's ridiculous, and we buy into it. It's taken me years to get out of that conditioning, and I still feel self-conscious if I get tears in my eyes when others can see. Like there's something wrong with that.

It's no wonder we've created hordes of toxic young men. If you repress everything that makes you human; if you refuse to validate any feelings except the ones you "should" feel -- no wonder you end up angry and broken.

But I do believe more and more are breaking away.
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Offline Rostum

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2139 on: February 23, 2018, 02:11:07 PM »
I cannot agree with you there as a white male I am expected to feel privileged and guilty as well.

On a less flippant note look and role models from film and TV (and footballers spring to mind as well) and just how dysfunctional they are. I would hate to be a boy growing up in the UK now as everything I did as a child is now frowned upon illegal or socially unacceptable. Then there is the minefield of social media, the web (notice how if its on the internet it must be true to everyone under 20 and some older?) and the constant surveillance by parents school and state to contend with.

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2140 on: February 24, 2018, 03:10:03 PM »
Anger and lust are the only things "real" men are supposed to feel.

It's ridiculous, and we buy into it. It's taken me years to get out of that conditioning, and I still feel self-conscious if I get tears in my eyes when others can see. Like there's something wrong with that.
It's a thing, for sure. For my part, I have always pitied those who are unable to be themselves - their full selves, complete with the negatives. I learned early on that it is a magnificent thing to be a contradiction. Like everyone, I am strong, and my strengths are indeed powerful. But for every gift, I also have great weaknesses, deficits, and limits. I've broken my own heart trying and failing, but also been celebrated and cheered. I've earned both terrible and noble descriptions, earned and undeserved in equal measure.
Any person, male or female, who cannot admit their own weaknesses and failings has not earned the right to celebrate their strengths and successes. This is the dividend of the infamous examined life. My two cents.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline JMack

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2141 on: February 24, 2018, 07:03:15 PM »
Who knows why we are what we are? I have always been comfortable with my “softer” side, but have to work to bring out the more combative, more traditionally macho. I’m too much a pleaser. If you need to face someone down to get what you’re owed, bring in my wife.

I was raised by a Quaker dad, who detests war and violence in any form for any reason. I was taught it is okay to cry and show your feelings, though, oddly, he always kept his pretty close. I was also raised by a lesbian mom who didn’t know her truth until her 40s. She was raised by a genteel, tough lady who prized social graces, honesty, and living up to your ethics. In my world, you don’t say “What!?” when you can;t hear what some one says; you say, “Pardon me?”

As a boy, I asked my mom what “f*ck” means. She explained it means “sexual intercourse” and filled in a few blanks there at a high level. Of course that came back to bite me. In sixth grade, I was trying impress a friend with my worldliness by making a suggestive gesture. Mr. Deremer saw this, and demanded I stand explain myself to the class. So of course I said the gesture was about “sexual intercourse.” My mastery of language did not prevent a trip to the principal’s office.

In second grade, I got my first girlfriend like this: I brought my Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal into school for show and tell. Some boy threatened to kill me because I was such a baby. Joanne Johnson promised to protect me. The lack of death on the playground proved she saved my life and we remained hitched (on and off) until my family moved during fifth grade. (At some point, Joanne and I went into her basement and played strip Battling Tops. Fourth grade, memory tells me, and one of the few times that being a sensitive guy advanced my sex life.)

Well, this getting pretty far afield. I’m for balancing the soft and hard side. I’m for having self-awareness and openness to your own feelings and those of others. I’m for respect. I’d like to better at pushing back - effectively - when I’m not treated that way by others.

Maybe it’s just about being a third son. Maybe that’s why.
« Last Edit: February 24, 2018, 07:08:43 PM by JMack »
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Offline ultamentkiller

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2142 on: February 25, 2018, 02:53:07 AM »
Okay, there's some cool things in your post JMack.

Quaker Dad and Lesbian Mom? I didn't know that was possible! That's a cool combination!

And Strip Battling Tops? What is that?

I feel like I occupy that middle-ground of sensitivity and bluntness. I have cried and will probably cry many times more in front of people I care about when I'm in immense emotional distress. And when I'm fighting for something I want or raging against whatever machine has pissed me off, I am fiery. I'm hesitant to fight, but when I do, I'm fierce. Or I try to be anyway. I feel like my biggest issue is pride. I have humble moments, but when I mess up or don't meet my expectations I feel embarrassed and want to hide. I'm rarely prideful to the point of defending my own actions after I realize my mistake, but I'm prideful in a sense that I hate taking gifts from others because I want to earn everything myself and owe nothing. And then on top of that, I'm willing to give a lot to others, which doesn't make much sense because I hate receiving.

I feel like we're all full of contradictions.

Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2143 on: March 02, 2018, 03:24:01 PM »
More positivity about my autism booklet. I called the Icelandic autism association south in Reykjavík, to check up on what kind of reactions it has been getting. The lady told me people absolutely love it. It is being picked up by parents, and also some individuals who believe they are undiagnosed autists. Some have even read the pdf-file on the association website, then showed up to pick up a print copy.
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Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2144 on: March 04, 2018, 04:48:59 AM »
Please pardon my brief rant, but I feel guilty for my anger and need to get this out of my gullet before it chokes me. This has nothing to do with Mrs. Gemcutter, who has more character in her little finger than most anyone I know, including myself. No, this rant is for the opposite of her.

Everyone has issues - quirks and traits that define us, but sometimes get in the way.  They can be annoying or funny or barely noticeable - or right out there in everyone's face. There are those who have true-blue, real-deal problems and mental health issues, whether genetic, experiential, or whatever, and of course I have nothing but sympathy for those facing these kinds of severe problems.

In fact, I respect and admire all people who try and move past their problems. I try to do this myself, sometimes with success, sometimes not. I think this is one of the things that makes a good person good - they're not any less flawed than anyone else, they're just trying to be overcome or work around or despite those flaws. And it's not about outcomes for me, or at least, it isn't only about them. Show me a person who tries and fails over and over and I'll buy them a beer, because I admire that. A lot.

Conversely, I do not appreciate people who wallow in their problems or refuse to try and address them or at least, to minimize their impacts on those around them. These people are annoying and hurtful for me to attend to for very long because they're really very pathetic. C'est la vie. This is why the world is nice and big - so we have room to get away from these folks.

But there is a breed of human whom I absolutely despise: people who pretend to have real issues, but really don't. Some of these people actually desire real issues and play-act that they have them, for the sympathy, for the excuse, for the ... whatever the hell it is that makes people do this crap. I have ZERO sympathy for these kind. And despite their seeming rarity in the general population, my life seems littered with them.

We all have the cards we were dealt, and with more or less success, we try to build a life that is worth living and to help those around us - not always deeply or nobly,  not always intelligently or wisely; but at the least we try not to burden others or get in the way. This last group is the antithesis of that noble-ish pursuit, and they drive me batshit bonkers.

Please, someone tell me I'm right to feel this way, because I am flanked on multiple fronts by sane people who literally wish they were schizophrenic, hope they have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, etc., and the urge to choke them is causing my brain to melt.  >:(
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell