October 21, 2017, 10:27:11 PM

Author Topic: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel  (Read 107876 times)

Online Jmack

  • Hircum Magna Rex of the Fabled Atku Temple, and writing context regular
  • Writing Group
  • Ringbearer
  • *****
  • Posts: 6065
  • Total likes: 3997
  • Gender: Male
  • ridiculously obscure is my super power.
    • View Profile
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #1860 on: September 11, 2017, 08:50:05 PM »
I somehow ended up on stage with three flamenco girls , I could have said no I accepted their offer to make a complete fool of myself trying to copy their moves in front of the whole guests in the audience (about 300)

I was a bit out of my comfort zone.

PLEASE say you have photos!!!
This, this!!


Unfortunately no , I pretended to be @Jmack pretending to be a girl predending do the female flamenco moves! I can't believe no one took a photo of me! Lots of people came up too me saying thank god it wasn't them who got picked out of the audience and I had balls to do it or words to that affect. I felt very embarrassed but I also felt very brave to get on stage in front of such a lot of people who I don't know. I didn't think I be the only volunteer on my own through haha

Yes, but would have been as pretty a girl as I?  :-*

What a fun thing, Eclipse. Even if embarrassing.
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)

Offline Eclipse

  • Warning: this topic has not been posted in for at least 120 days.
  • Ta'veren
  • **
  • Posts: 3433
  • Total likes: 1608
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #1861 on: September 11, 2017, 09:16:37 PM »
We would both make pretty girls we would have all the men chasing after us! So much hassle being pretty.

According to some,* heroic deaths are admirable things

* Generally those who don't have to do it.Politicians and writers spring to mind

Jonathan Stroud:Ptolmy's Gate

Online Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #1862 on: September 11, 2017, 09:47:20 PM »
I'm in oddly low spirits today.

I can't point to a specific cause. I think it's just a bit of all my typical problems coming together at once, hitting harder than they ever can by themselves. General anxiety, dissatisfaction, disappointment.

I don't think I'm cut out for cohabiting with another human being, and I certainly value my independence, but there are days when I wish I had someone within reach.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Online Jmack

  • Hircum Magna Rex of the Fabled Atku Temple, and writing context regular
  • Writing Group
  • Ringbearer
  • *****
  • Posts: 6065
  • Total likes: 3997
  • Gender: Male
  • ridiculously obscure is my super power.
    • View Profile
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #1863 on: September 11, 2017, 11:28:17 PM »
I fantasize about independence. Married 32 years and all.
Then I count my blessings.
Especially at those rare times when she is away, and I'm more alone.
Because we're always alone.
The presence of others can be a balm to the soul.
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)

Offline Magnus Hedén

  • High Lord of commas and Grand Master of semicolons
  • Soulfinder
  • *****
  • Posts: 95
  • Total likes: 60
  • Gender: Male
  • My name is Magnus. I make stuff up.
    • View Profile
    • My Patreon
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #1864 on: September 12, 2017, 05:23:25 PM »
Also going through a bit of a slump. It's not a depression, but the thing before. So have to pull myself together. But energy is low, so I need to fall back on my core routines and accept that I won't get much done as I just work on making it through the day. Should be fine in a couple of days, I deal with this once a month or so, but it still surprises me when it drops by.  :-\
You can find stories on my Patreon
I'm also on Twitter and the Book of Faces

Online ScarletBea

  • Positive Invisible Fighter - and bringer of Cake. 2nd in Command of the Writing Contest
  • Writing Group
  • Big Wee Hag
  • ******
  • Posts: 8284
  • Total likes: 4812
  • Gender: Female
  • Geeky Reading Introvert
    • View Profile
    • LibraryThing profile
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #1865 on: September 12, 2017, 05:48:30 PM »
*group hug* with everybody going through a down period
I learnt last time that does help :)
At home in the Fantasy Faction forum!
In traditional art I see what the artist made. In contemporary/modern art I see myself...

Online Jmack

  • Hircum Magna Rex of the Fabled Atku Temple, and writing context regular
  • Writing Group
  • Ringbearer
  • *****
  • Posts: 6065
  • Total likes: 3997
  • Gender: Male
  • ridiculously obscure is my super power.
    • View Profile
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #1866 on: September 12, 2017, 09:57:54 PM »
Group hug it is.
Consider yourselves all hugged.

Mrs JMack spending tonight and maybe tomorrow night at hospital with her mom. She can't drink "unthickened" liquids any more. They go down the wrong pipe and set her coughing. Alzeihmers = the Devil
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)

Online ScarletBea

  • Positive Invisible Fighter - and bringer of Cake. 2nd in Command of the Writing Contest
  • Writing Group
  • Big Wee Hag
  • ******
  • Posts: 8284
  • Total likes: 4812
  • Gender: Female
  • Geeky Reading Introvert
    • View Profile
    • LibraryThing profile
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #1867 on: September 13, 2017, 02:45:05 AM »
Oh. I'm going to admit my ignorance and say that I always thought Alzeihmers was just a mental illness, a slow deterioration of the mind while the body continued as normal :-\

Send my love to MrsJmack, strength in this difficult time x
At home in the Fantasy Faction forum!
In traditional art I see what the artist made. In contemporary/modern art I see myself...

Online Jmack

  • Hircum Magna Rex of the Fabled Atku Temple, and writing context regular
  • Writing Group
  • Ringbearer
  • *****
  • Posts: 6065
  • Total likes: 3997
  • Gender: Male
  • ridiculously obscure is my super power.
    • View Profile
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #1868 on: September 13, 2017, 03:04:43 AM »
Oh. I'm going to admit my ignorance and say that I always thought Alzeihmers was just a mental illness, a slow deterioration of the mind while the body continued as normal :-\

Send my love to MrsJmack, strength in this difficult time x

As the mind goes, the things we don't even realize it controls.... go too.
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)

Online Bradley Darewood

  • Brandon Darewoodson
  • Writing Group
  • Kingkiller
  • ****
  • Posts: 1265
  • Total likes: 689
  • Gender: Male
  • Zork. And it was all downhill from there.
    • View Profile
    • Bradley Darewood on Tumblr!
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #1869 on: September 16, 2017, 07:28:39 AM »

I'm sorry @Jmack

Online Jmack

  • Hircum Magna Rex of the Fabled Atku Temple, and writing context regular
  • Writing Group
  • Ringbearer
  • *****
  • Posts: 6065
  • Total likes: 3997
  • Gender: Male
  • ridiculously obscure is my super power.
    • View Profile
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #1870 on: September 16, 2017, 12:20:48 PM »
The good news is that Marija (mother-in-law) is back at her usual care facility, though on hospice care regime. No telling when - could be days, months, a year. I'm sure some of you have been through this. It just drags on.

Meanwhile, I think about it as: Marija now; my own father, soonish (Parkinsons); my mom, maybe never (these people are looooong-lived); my Mom's wife, my Dad's wife, my brothers, their wives, my wife, me. Mixed in with fear of death, is fear of spending my life dealing with the potentially messy & exhausting fading away of these loved ones.

This is what feeling old feels like sometimes, though I'm only 55.
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)

Online Bradley Darewood

  • Brandon Darewoodson
  • Writing Group
  • Kingkiller
  • ****
  • Posts: 1265
  • Total likes: 689
  • Gender: Male
  • Zork. And it was all downhill from there.
    • View Profile
    • Bradley Darewood on Tumblr!
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #1871 on: September 17, 2017, 06:07:55 AM »
@Jmack

Yup.

I don't really need to say more, but my grandma just died, dad just got out of ICU, got other fam with addiction and recovery issues that can't fend for themselves-- so I feel you 100%.  We all just do our best.

That said I don't feel things right away, they creep in later, when I no longer know why I'm feeling what I'm feeling.  This faint breaking sensation inside.  Is it existential ennui? A delayed reaction to death? Or just your insides snapping under the weight of unresolved problems that have been collecting for decades? 



Yup, it's most likely that last one.  I feel like my brain is an old computer that's been running too many programs in the background and it keeps freezing but you don't want to reset it b/c all these tabs and files open are things that need to be finished.... Oh wait, that *is* my computer.

Just need to be wiped clean.  And win the lottery. Definitely win the lottery.
« Last Edit: September 17, 2017, 06:13:58 AM by Bradley Darewood »

Offline ultamentkiller

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #1872 on: September 22, 2017, 03:26:32 PM »
I'm currently sitting at the back of the struggle bus. I want to get off, but there's a line of people in front of me, with a wheelchair being unstrapped from the floor blocking the main doorway. On top of that, there's a lady with a grocery cart and the people from the latest bingo club shuffling along.

My anxiety is flaring up to the point of making me sick, the stress of all my responsibilities is killing me, and although people have offered to talk to me about it, I can't bring myself to open up to them. On Wednesday I nearly broke down and had to go see a psychologist within the hour, which predictably didn't help me much. The next day I was fine, and now I'm close to being back to breakdown level.

I don't have time to break down. I have a seminar to plan. I have classes to do homework and study for. I have a social life and networking to balance. I have a serious relationship to maintain. I have food to eat, and places to be.

I'm not suicidal or anything. But I need a week of rest.

Online ScarletBea

  • Positive Invisible Fighter - and bringer of Cake. 2nd in Command of the Writing Contest
  • Writing Group
  • Big Wee Hag
  • ******
  • Posts: 8284
  • Total likes: 4812
  • Gender: Female
  • Geeky Reading Introvert
    • View Profile
    • LibraryThing profile
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #1873 on: September 22, 2017, 03:46:04 PM »
I don't have time to break down. I have a seminar to plan. I have classes to do homework and study for. I have a social life and networking to balance. I have a serious relationship to maintain. I have food to eat, and places to be.
Sometimes we have to ignore all those *really important* things and focus on ourselves, on our health. It seems you reached that point.
I know it's easier said than done, but if you were forced to stop (if for example you did have a breakdown), you would do it anyway.
People need to realise that stopping, being so-called selfish, is a key survival strategy, and essential for a healthy life.

I wish you lots of good things xx
At home in the Fantasy Faction forum!
In traditional art I see what the artist made. In contemporary/modern art I see myself...

Offline The Gem Cutter

  • Captain Analogy
  • Writing Group
  • Master Namer
  • ******
  • Posts: 2231
  • Total likes: 1679
  • Gender: Male
  • We've exhausted all possibilities - time to begin.
    • View Profile
    • The Gem Cutter Tales
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #1874 on: September 22, 2017, 07:37:07 PM »
Echoing Ms. Bea, I am hoping you all get some good vibes and some rest. For my part, I hold you all in high regard and think you've earned some good luck and some peaceful, thoughtful moments of rest and rejuvenation.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell