February 23, 2018, 12:38:23 PM

Author Topic: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel  (Read 122921 times)

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2115 on: February 15, 2018, 12:31:00 AM »
This latest bit reminds me of something I came up with some time ago to describe a similar distinction between the good and less good leaders in the Army. Now that I think on it, it might be more universal than I once thought. I've replaced NCOs (sergeants) and Soldiers with civilian terms. (Keep in mind, the military works with very young, raw recruits):

There are two kinds of leaders. The first kind look at employees as a bunch of unproven, inexperienced, potential-rejects, from whom a select few will rise to the leader's level, and for whom those leaders may take credit. The rejects, also, contribute to these leaders' credit, for the leaders have saved the organization from them.
The other kind look at each person as one who will one day replace them, who has, polished or unpolished, the potential to be improved. These leaders do not see themselves as better, only further ahead. In other words, these leaders see, in each employee, themselves. The first kind of leaders make noise. The second kind make men and women.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline Bradley Darewood

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2116 on: February 16, 2018, 12:58:38 PM »
So I'm sure a lot of this has to do with lack of sleep (as I'm up at 5am revising a not-so-uplifting nonfiction piece on war, corruption, murder and environmental devastation for a deadline, with a 12pm meeting w/ someone I've been begging for ages to help me with my website) but....


I feel like in my 20s I felt like anything was possible. I could start my own nonprofit.  I could write a book.  I could write 10 books!  I could write fiction as well as nonfiction and magazine articles and do anything and everything!

Now that I'm older I feel like nothing is possible. I'm not sure if it's just because I got old, or if it's just because the world got shittier.  Maybe it's a combo of both.  Start my own nonprofit-- definitely easier to do in the 90s, today everything is scaled up and no one wants to fund anything grassrootsy.  Write a book-- omniscient POV was still alive in the 80s and 90s, now it's like limited 3rd or die and I'd rather die.  But this is probably in part my fault since I've been revising my book for 6 or 7 years now and I feel like it's just impossible to do a good job sometimes like maybe my brain got old and I can't learn to do this.

Anyway, I gotta finish this stuff so I can take a nap.  Applying for a job at the London School of Economics so I can come visit some of you guys :)

Online ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2117 on: February 16, 2018, 01:03:31 PM »
*sits next to Bradley, gives him a friendly hug and says "there there"*
x
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Offline Bradley Darewood

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2118 on: February 16, 2018, 01:24:52 PM »
*sits next to Bradley, gives him a friendly hug and says "there there"*
x

*Bradley sobs tearfully, "but I LIKE omniscient and adverbs and nontraditional speech tags" bawls uncontrollably muttering something about Henry James between gasps

Offline JMack

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2119 on: February 16, 2018, 01:51:36 PM »
I like the advice that adverbs should be used to contrast with the verb, and otherwise should be replaced with something interesting.

@Bradley Darewood, I’m 56 and regularly wonder if i’ll Ever write a book, take a long canoe trip, or do anything vaguely worthy of the world. But in November 2014, I’d never had any sustained experience as a writer, hadn’t kept up with friends like I should, and had lucked into a job that was good but not really doing it for me. And at 56, i’ve Written a story a month since November 2014, made friends on this crazy website, moved into a role at work that challenges me even as it steals my time, and anyway, life is generally worth being around.

There is a lot of time left.

By the way, last I remember, you had left your job. Are re-employed, or is London School of Eco tied to putting food in the fridge as well as seeing Scarlet Bea, et al?
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2120 on: February 16, 2018, 04:26:24 PM »
I feel like in my 20s I felt like anything was possible. I could start my own nonprofit.  I could write a book.  I could write 10 books!  I could write fiction as well as nonfiction and magazine articles and do anything and everything!

Now that I'm older I feel like nothing is possible.
That's fear and doubt. Ignore them. This is just maturity - you now know the actual risks, the personal costs in time and energy, the nature of the obstacles and the Gatekeepers in the way. So this is when you truly decide, with open eyes and a tool bag full of solutions, to pursue your dreams or not.
Do not allow yourself to wax melancholy or hide in nostalgia - these things were never easy. And if you wanted, you could see a plethora of advantages within reach.

You have a great mind Bradley, but you need to decide whether you want to use it as a microscope that makes your problems seem huge or a telescope that sees the bigger picture and distant destinations worth sailing to.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline JMack

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2121 on: February 16, 2018, 05:10:56 PM »
I feel like in my 20s I felt like anything was possible. I could start my own nonprofit.  I could write a book.  I could write 10 books!  I could write fiction as well as nonfiction and magazine articles and do anything and everything!

Now that I'm older I feel like nothing is possible.
That's fear and doubt. Ignore them. This is just maturity - you now know the actual risks, the personal costs in time and energy, the nature of the obstacles and the Gatekeepers in the way. So this is when you truly decide, with open eyes and a tool bag full of solutions, to pursue your dreams or not.
Do not allow yourself to wax melancholy or hide in nostalgia - these things were never easy. And if you wanted, you could see a plethora of advantages within reach.

You have a great mind Bradley, but you need to decide whether you want to use it as a microscope that makes your problems seem huge or a telescope that sees the bigger picture and distant destinations worth sailing to.

What he said. Which smarter than what I said.

It reminds me of a training class at work, in which we talked about the self-narration that we all experience. The facilitator asked us how many people have an inner voice that says happy things and how many tell us we suck. The “suck” answer got 10 votes and the “happy” answer got 1. His next comment was that most of the time the voice is there to warn us of danger. But it’s instinctive, not real. We need to be the boss of our inner voice.
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)

Online Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2122 on: February 16, 2018, 06:30:00 PM »
You have a great mind Bradley, but you need to decide whether you want to use it as a microscope that makes your problems seem huge or a telescope that sees the bigger picture and distant destinations worth sailing to.

Well said.

And @Bradley Darewood, don't worry about writing trends. Write because you want to. My sixth English-language novel comes out tomorrow, and I have yet to meet with any kind of success. But I keep at it because I WANT to write. I want to tell the stories that are rolling around in my head. I want to give them solid, canonical form. That's what writing is, to me. The passion of it. And I get the feeling that you're spending too much time on your first novel. You will never get it perfect. You will always wonder if it's truly ready to be put out there. Always feel that another round of edits could smoothen it out. But if you spend forever on that one you'll never get the second one done.

As for age, let me tell you folks a little story about Eymundur. He's the guy who managed all those trips Grófin took to the ninth graders this winter. He and I always went together, and he talked about this stuff, followed by me. His lecture was about his crippling anxiety disorder, and the damage it has done to his life. He was quite a promising footballer in his day, but ultimately just couldn't stand being around people out of irrational fear. He couldn't attend his niece's baptism, and could only attend the party afterwards by drinking heavily.

But after getting a diagnosis a few years ago he eventually learned to deal with his problems, became godfather to his other niece, and he ends his lectures by talking about how full and satisfying his life is these days.

Eymundur is in his fifties.
« Last Edit: February 16, 2018, 11:04:21 PM by Eli_Freysson »
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Online Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2123 on: February 16, 2018, 10:40:57 PM »
Well, I just got back from one of my occasional forays downtown. I had some vodka at home, a couple of beers at my favourite place while working on story ideas... and then I wound up at my second favourite place, talking to the father of two autistic individuals. We talked about various things, but most prominently my experience with autism. He is going to drop by sometime tomorrow to pick up a copy of my autism booklet. A Polish fellow joined the conversation while I was on the toilet, and he seemed to really appreciate meeting two friendly locals. It was overall quite a fun time, though the Icelandic fellow bought me drinks and I expect to be a good deal less jolly in the morning.

A heads up: If this post isn't well written, blame it on alchohol.
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Offline Bradley Darewood

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2124 on: February 17, 2018, 02:58:28 AM »

Thanks @JMack @Eli_Freysson @ScarletBea and @The Gem Cutter !

You have a great mind Bradley, but you need to decide whether you want to use it as a microscope that makes your problems seem huge or a telescope that sees the bigger picture and distant destinations worth sailing to.

thanks for the compliment and ooooohhhh good advice.

By the way, last I remember, you had left your job. Are re-employed, or is London School of Eco tied to putting food in the fridge as well as seeing Scarlet Bea, et al?

Well I've got enough $$ to last me a little while for writing, if I can get my shit together and work hard, but yeah LSE would be a way to feed myself and it could help me and @Nora with our wedding of convenience. If only I could get them to relocate LSE to Barcelona.... The job is technically a long shot (I'd expect they get ~400 applicants) but there's been a lot of weird synchronicity around this application, things strangely falling into place. I got it in 2 min and 30 seconds before the closing deadline :)

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2125 on: February 17, 2018, 05:51:28 AM »

Thanks @JMack @Eli_Freysson @ScarletBea and @The Gem Cutter !

You have a great mind Bradley, but you need to decide whether you want to use it as a microscope that makes your problems seem huge or a telescope that sees the bigger picture and distant destinations worth sailing to.

thanks for the compliment and ooooohhhh good advice.

You're welcome, and I am glad I did not come across too heavy-handed. I have my own demons that I wrestle with, and I am doing my best to work on them.

You might find this helpful, it's the source of the advice I offered. I just happened to be rolling in my own morass the night before, and came across the video below looking for inspiration. I do not know if his issues are anything you share; regardless, his own "message to himself" immediately came to mind when I read your post, so I replicated the sentiment directly. Synchronicity, indeed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqSoxMOrVeE

"Shhh."
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Online Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2126 on: February 18, 2018, 12:25:05 PM »
I saw this a while ago, but couldn't remember the website. I just found it again, and I urge everyone to give it a look:

https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness?referrer=playlist-the_most_popular_talks_of_all
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Offline ultamentkiller

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2127 on: February 19, 2018, 04:02:38 AM »
You have a great mind Bradley, but you need to decide whether you want to use it as a microscope that makes your problems seem huge or a telescope that sees the bigger picture and distant destinations worth sailing to.
This quote hit me tonight. Thank you so much TGC.

Hang in there everyone, and we'll keep swimming through this mess together.

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2128 on: February 20, 2018, 03:48:06 PM »
"One is happy to be of service" - (Centennial Man). Like everyone, I am always glad if I can offer some advice and be of help. I thought I would point out, just in case anyone thinks I am becoming too full of myself, that I am notorious for both needing and ignoring my own advice.
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"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Online ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2129 on: February 20, 2018, 04:12:16 PM »
I also love that quote, and I might end up adding it to my sig!

I am notorious for both needing and ignoring my own advice.
I thought this was everybody ;D
We're all very good at giving advice to others, but crap at following our own words, and that's why we need a group of people around us basically recycling similar words/sentiments. I'm particularly good (or bad, as it is) at criticising myself ::)

So, Gem, you do have a great mind, and you need to decide whether you want to use it as a microscope that makes your problems seem huge or a telescope that sees the bigger picture and distant destinations worth sailing to 8)
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"It's time we steered by the stars, not by the lights of each passing ship" (general O.N. Bradley)

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