December 17, 2017, 05:52:16 PM

Author Topic: [Nov 2017] - Water - Discussion Thread  (Read 2399 times)

Offline Nora

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Re: [Nov 2017] - Water - Discussion Thread
« Reply #30 on: November 20, 2017, 11:44:57 PM »
Are illustrations allowed?
I'm really thinking of joining.

For a while it was hip to open your story with an illustrative image, like a cover picture, to give the mood... I also once joined a hand drawn illustration of a character, after the story, in another spoiler tag, and no one ever mentioned this being a bad thing, quite the contrary. I think it's a matter of it being complimentary and non essential. If your story can't be fully enjoyed without the picture (like you describing very little because we could see what you speak about) then it'll surely play against you.
"She will need coffee soon, or molecular degeneration will set in. Her French phrasing will take over even more strongly, and soon she will dissolve into a puddle of alienation and Kierkegaardian despair."  ~ Jmack

Wishy washy lyricism and maudlin unrequited love are my specialty - so said Lady_Ty

Offline Dark Squiggle

Re: [Nov 2017] - Water - Discussion Thread
« Reply #31 on: November 21, 2017, 02:05:32 AM »
thank you. I think I will include some pictures.

Offline Nora

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Re: [Nov 2017] - Water - Discussion Thread
« Reply #32 on: November 21, 2017, 08:50:39 AM »
Mind you though, I've never seen anyone include more than one, so maybe send your story to @xiagan by pm first, if you're using many? He's the boss, he'll tell you if you're beyond the rules of the contest.
"She will need coffee soon, or molecular degeneration will set in. Her French phrasing will take over even more strongly, and soon she will dissolve into a puddle of alienation and Kierkegaardian despair."  ~ Jmack

Wishy washy lyricism and maudlin unrequited love are my specialty - so said Lady_Ty

Offline Bradley Darewood

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Re: [Nov 2017] - Water - Discussion Thread
« Reply #33 on: November 22, 2017, 09:53:11 AM »
Ugh I wrote a story but it's not fantasy.

Spoiler for Hiden:
“It came on the water,” Papa Imani said, “and with his water we are saved.”  Imani dunked the old man in a tub. 
Half of the congregation wasn’t paying attention—if they could be called a congregation.  Some stared at the boarded up windows as if they could see outside.  Others clustered in corners, eating snacks or playing cards.
Asha didn’t blame them. She believed in the Lord—that’s why she was saved, of course—but most people in the room hadn’t asked to be there. Papa Imani never seemed to stop preaching, every waking word he said was about the Glory of God, how he protected them in this holy place.  But “congregation” was his word.  Most people here called themselves “refugees.”
   Asha whispered a prayer, thanking the Lord once again.  Her father had thought her foolish, coming to church. Believing.  But now she was saved and he… Asha brushed a tear from her face.
   Outside the streets were lined with corpses, dried blood running in lines from eyes, noses and mouths.  It had only taken a day for the rats, the carrion birds, and the insects to come.
   It came on the water.
   Poto-Poto was struck first.  God’s wrath took the whole village, then came downstream for Asha’s people. But they had heard the stories, and the believers locked themselves in the church while the world around them died. They shared what food they had saved, peed and shit in buckets, and pitched it out the window of Pap Imani’s office in the back of the church.  It had been 2 days.
   Noah had endured much longer, Papa Imani had said.
   Asha looked at the tub of baptism water. So much water, blessed by the Lord. With his water we are saved.
   People were already preparing to sleep.  Soon it would be night, so quiet in the church that they would be able to hear the moans of the dying outside.
   She waited.  Waited until every head lied to rest, until Papa Imani disappeared back into his quarters.  She waited longer still. Till the gentle snores of her neighbors filled the room.
   She took her milk jug, dipped it in the Holy Water, and crept to the door. God would understand, wouldn’t he?
   Slipping the door open a crack, she crept outside.  She poured half the water over her, “with his water we are saved.” and took a deep breath.  If she only held her breath she wouldn’t smell it.  She tried not to look at the motionless figures on the side of the road, half-eaten bodies twisted in the throes of agony. Rats darted from shadow to shadow, bellies full with the flesh of her neighbors.  She kept her eyes forward, mouth tightly closed, lungs full of air. 
   The village was small. It only took a minute to arrive at her hut. She let her breath out as she opened the door.
   “Papa?” she whispered.
   She saw a dark spot motionless on the bed, but Asha smiled as she heard his deafening snores.  Yes that was her Papa.
   She ran to the side of the bed.  His eyes were sealed shut with dried blood, and his pillow red and wet from the foam that had leaked from his mouth.
   “Papa,” she said softly, lying her dripping head on his chest.
   “Asha,” his voice was raspy and weak. Her papa tried to open his eyes, but they were sealed shut. “No, no, baby. No.”
   “Water will save us all, Papa,” She wet a cloth with the Holy Water, and gently washed the blood from his face and eyes. “Thou shalt not steal—it’s a sin of course, but I think God will forgive me.  I stole the Holy Water but he can’t blame me for wanting to save you!”
   Papa’s voice caught in his throat, as his daughter threw her wet arms around him once again.  “The water will save us both papa, you’ll see.”
   He knew that tomorrow his daughter’s eyes would be red with blood. That in a few days, like him, she would feed the rats.
 “With his water we are saved!” Asha whispered as she held him.
He wanted to scream. To tell her to run from this place.  But for now he held her tight and let her have her moment of immortality.
 “Yes, baby. Yes we are.”
« Last Edit: November 23, 2017, 10:40:12 PM by Bradley Darewood »

Offline RobertS

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Re: [Nov 2017] - Water - Discussion Thread
« Reply #34 on: November 22, 2017, 11:39:02 PM »
Ugh I wrote a story but it's not fantasy.
Trigger warning my friends, this is very well written. Bradly is pulling heart strings and hitting hard.
I would rather look stupid today than be stupid tomorrow.

Offline Lanko

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Re: [Nov 2017] - Water - Discussion Thread
« Reply #35 on: November 23, 2017, 12:48:18 AM »
Ugh I wrote a story but it's not fantasy.

Disappointed it isn't another Sherlanko shortie  ::)
Slow and steady wins the race.

Lanko's Year in Books 2017

Offline Bradley Darewood

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Re: [Nov 2017] - Water - Discussion Thread
« Reply #36 on: November 23, 2017, 08:50:47 PM »
Ugh I wrote a story but it's not fantasy.
Trigger warning my friends, this is very well written. Bradly is pulling heart strings and hitting hard.

@RobertS  thanks man! I'm glad the story didn't completely go to waste, in that folder on my HD where stories go to... be unread.  I'm gonna rename my creative writing folder "Purgatory"

@Lanko Haha maybe every month I should do a Sherlanko story in the discussion thread until I have enough for a book :).  I can always switch out "Asha" for "Lankette". 


Offline Lanko

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Re: [Nov 2017] - Water - Discussion Thread
« Reply #37 on: November 24, 2017, 02:12:04 PM »
Ugh I wrote a story but it's not fantasy.
Trigger warning my friends, this is very well written. Bradly is pulling heart strings and hitting hard.

@RobertS  thanks man! I'm glad the story didn't completely go to waste, in that folder on my HD where stories go to... be unread.  I'm gonna rename my creative writing folder "Purgatory"

@Lanko Haha maybe every month I should do a Sherlanko story in the discussion thread until I have enough for a book :).  I can always switch out "Asha" for "Lankette".

Now I have to think of a Barlette story  ::)
Slow and steady wins the race.

Lanko's Year in Books 2017

Offline Nora

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Re: [Nov 2017] - Water - Discussion Thread
« Reply #38 on: November 26, 2017, 12:15:33 AM »
I'm about 1000 words in mine and have to strangle things a bit if I don't want to end up with a 2k entry I can't cripple.
"She will need coffee soon, or molecular degeneration will set in. Her French phrasing will take over even more strongly, and soon she will dissolve into a puddle of alienation and Kierkegaardian despair."  ~ Jmack

Wishy washy lyricism and maudlin unrequited love are my specialty - so said Lady_Ty

Offline Bradley Darewood

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Re: [Nov 2017] - Water - Discussion Thread
« Reply #39 on: November 26, 2017, 02:42:02 AM »
I usually have that problem but mine was happily wrapped up in like 900 words.  It just had other disqualifying elements.

I've noticed a theme in my short stories: someone or everyone dies and/or there's references to toileting or toilets somehow. Usually both.  My Thanksgiving Ebola story had both!

Offline Nora

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Re: [Nov 2017] - Water - Discussion Thread
« Reply #40 on: November 26, 2017, 09:07:48 AM »
I absolutely can't tell what's the problem with everyone dying in it. It's a smooth way of wrapping everything up...
"She will need coffee soon, or molecular degeneration will set in. Her French phrasing will take over even more strongly, and soon she will dissolve into a puddle of alienation and Kierkegaardian despair."  ~ Jmack

Wishy washy lyricism and maudlin unrequited love are my specialty - so said Lady_Ty

Offline Bradley Darewood

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Re: [Nov 2017] - Water - Discussion Thread
« Reply #41 on: November 26, 2017, 10:28:46 AM »
I agree.  But apparently I don't know how to wrap things up without killing people off.

Online ScarletBea

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Re: [Nov 2017] - Water - Discussion Thread
« Reply #42 on: November 26, 2017, 05:31:48 PM »
Everybody writing on the last days?
Please?
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Offline NightWrite

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Re: [Nov 2017] - Water - Discussion Thread
« Reply #43 on: November 26, 2017, 05:52:36 PM »
Everybody writing on the last days?
Please?
Mine's done for the most part, but I'm still editing bits here and there. Either by tonight or tomorrow night my time I'll submit it.

Offline Nora

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Re: [Nov 2017] - Water - Discussion Thread
« Reply #44 on: November 26, 2017, 10:57:44 PM »
It'll be very last minute for me, but I'm writing.
"She will need coffee soon, or molecular degeneration will set in. Her French phrasing will take over even more strongly, and soon she will dissolve into a puddle of alienation and Kierkegaardian despair."  ~ Jmack

Wishy washy lyricism and maudlin unrequited love are my specialty - so said Lady_Ty