Fantasy Faction

General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: Jmack on May 08, 2015, 04:19:12 PM

Title: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on May 08, 2015, 04:19:12 PM
Although this Forum is and should be mainly about fun and a shared creative passion, we have a community and sometimes real life intrudes. A forum friend sent me the poem below expressing the debilitating impact of depression. We all know that depression is a physical illness, like osteoporosis, if you will - not a disease of lifestyle or personal "issues." But while there shouldn't be any stigma on it, there can tend to be. Fear of this can reinforce the emotional dark night of the soul for the depression sufferer and make the person feel even more isolated.

Here's the poem:

Quote
Do you know what depression is?
Feeling down, black dog, grey clouds…
No. Wrong.
Depression is an illness, a disease. Faulty brain cells.

Do you know what depression feels like?
Feeling down, black dog, grey clouds…
No. Wrong.
Be thankful you don’t know. It’s different for every single person, every single time.

This time, a switch was installed.
It flickers on and off, with neither rhyme nor reason.
One moment you’re ok, the next you’re sobbing uncontrollably. Tears are optional, just the ragged breathing and the feeling are there.
One moment you’re walking, moving, the next you stop. You’re paralysed. Your legs feel heavy, your arms like they belong to someone else. Everything about you is frozen.
One moment the world is normal, the next the smallest decision feels overwhelming. There’s no future beyond the now.
One moment you’re laughing, the next there’s a knot in your throat and you’ve forgotten what it feels to be ok.
Nothing makes sense. There’s no night nor day.

Chemicals mean hope. Repair.
Weeks pass, months pass, a year or more. And you no longer know what depression feels like.
Until next time…

The friend asked me to share this poem, and doesn't want some big outpouring of "OMG! Are you okay?" no matter how heart-felt and well-intended.

But you may know someone - or be someone - who suffers from this disease, and the words here may be a balm or an opening of the eyes. We hope so.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nora on May 09, 2015, 04:17:31 PM
Interesting.

I'm useless when it comes to poems, couldn't write one to save my life, so I don't know how to comment on that form of expression really, but the idea of making a poetic description of one's depressive state, and beyond that the way it is delivered are quite touching.

I don't know that I would agree that depression is only a matter of brain cells and chemicals. If only because any human emotion is ultimately nothing but a matter of brain cells and chemicals. I think it does depend on the circumstances and the people. Each case, each time being different and always serious.
This poem conveys the very curious impression that the origins, the reasons of the depression are unknown, and as someone who barely made it out of the worst fit of depression of my life, it's a scary idea.

As far as I was concerned, the reasons for my falling slowly into deeper levels of depression were well known.
I was taken by hopelessness, lack of purpose, the sense of losing life, incapable of gaining back what I had lost, and the ever looming prospect of being forced to front a crippling phobia, combined with a negative and oppressive environment, it made me spiral down into obsessive behaviours.
I cut myself off from any friends and contacts and single-mindedly, if not maniacally occupied myself in a attempt to distract me from darker impulses.
When my situation got worse with consistent lack of sleep due to dogs barking all night long 3m out of my window without me having any possibility to make it stop, I seriously entertained ideas of killing some of the dogs (that I all loved). I would spray them in the night with the hose and cry and beg them to shut the heck up.
Sleep deprivation was torture, I think that was the lowest point in my life, that deadly combination.

While I read 10 novels of the Black Dagger Brotherhood in a week during those dark days (which I'm rather not proud of), I also laid my hands on many books that sparked real interest and emotions in me, and at the darkest of moments, it always was the nagging idea that I had more to read, more series of books to finish, stories that had left me hanging, or the prospect of discovering new authors who might hook me even more, and ultimately realising that I had things I wanted to write, that kept me from completely letting go.

I was stranded in complete loneliness with nothing but daily work, compulsive reading and writing when I came on this forum, looking for a shred of human society, of people who shared my interests and might teach me things, advise and entertain.
Forums made of close, active members is certainly a great place to be for someone having personal problems. Who better to talk to than friends that perpetually remain strangers?
More and more research are proving that people create tighter bonds and get more involved and speak up more easily on the internet, precisely because of the anonymity (and you end up with very effective organisations like anonymous, besides the crazy band of Fantasy Faction).

These days I'm working hard, trying to give myself some berth (aka, AUS$), but I still fight moments of hopelessness.
So I definitely understand the writer, when he/she says that sometimes it comes unannounced, this sudden moment of anxious realisation your future is a void and nothing is there but the rotten moment you're going through.
However I hope the writer likewise has some lifeboat reasons to keep from utter despair, things to do or things to see and read, that will keep them out of trouble some time more until laugher and a bit of carelessness comes back, be it the next episode of Supernatural, it doesn't matter.

Hang on tight, and if the smallest window of opportunity to change your life towards a path that you crave opens, lunge.  8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Justan Henner on May 09, 2015, 04:25:49 PM
It feels weird "liking" these things, but thank you guys for sharing. It means a lot.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on May 10, 2015, 08:37:31 PM
Simple, but moving. Thanks for putting that up.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: wakarimasen on May 11, 2015, 10:41:54 AM
It's good to see a dialogue about this kind of stuff.
It's also interesting to see that the writer puts chemicals as a source of hope at the end. I sympathise entirely. I've been on my "dried frog pills" for a couple of years and others often seem to feel that I should be concerned about being on medication and that it is not a long term cure. Guess they've not had the black dog on them for extended periods (especially ones with sleep deprivation - I empathise entirely @Nora (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40237)).

Medicine doesn't understand depression fully, or how serotonin reuptake inhibitors work (when they do - which is not for everyone), but medicine can help.
What stops people getting such help is stigma. We forget that when our car is broken we go to a mechanic. When our mind is broken we should go and see the expert in that too.

I for one would never have gone to the doctor, my wife made me. It was the best decision I've never made.

Whilst I still feel a little exposed talking about depression as an illness, I feel almost responsible that I should in order to help break down the stigmas and barriers that almost stopped me getting help. Posts like the poem in this one are part of the discourse we need to do that, so nicely done @Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on May 11, 2015, 01:24:36 PM
Well, considering I've just outed myself this morning at work by having a 'fit' at my desk in front of everyone and having to come home bawling my eyes out, and seeing how Nora and Wakarimasen were brave enough to share their stories, I might as well come out to you guys here.

I'm the 'friend', I wrote the thing (I don't really like to call it a poem).

Thanks for the 'likes' - you don't imagine the difference it makes to see them there, such a little thing :)

Thanks for your words, Wakarimasen, for understanding. So many people simply decide to ask me out more, as if the illness was caused by a sort of plague/keeping away from people. It's like telling someone with a broken leg to just put some weight on it and you'll feel better ::)
And it's amazing how, when one person is brave enough to talk about it, others will come and say they have it too, and suddenly you don't feel so alone in the universe anymore.

I know I will get better.
I know, because this is the 4th time I have it: regular (almost) as clockwork, it appears every 6 years.
But each time it's slightly different.
Still, the knowledge doesn't make me any more hopeful, it doesn't make the pills work any faster.

So basically I just want to apologise in advance for any posts made while 'under the influence' ;) We can't delete anything here afterwards, even though I tried hehe
And thanks for being here and for F-F being such an amazing place, where I found such amazing people/*friends* :-*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on May 11, 2015, 01:41:27 PM
Thank you for being an amazing friend to us all here,hugs
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: wakarimasen on May 11, 2015, 02:50:19 PM
Hey, no problem @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) - it's a good poem (short and to the point, I've always liked 'em like that)
The fantasy community is a great balm to me as well. Not just the people, who tend to be pretty likeable and liberal, but also the actual fantasy. It's a way of reminding yourself that the world doesn't have to be the way it is. It can be any way we imagine it.

As an aside, I read an article the other day about the positive effects of writing for depression. Turns out it's well documented. So now we've got another excuse to do it. (Not that I'll be stopping my pills any time soon ;) )

Remember the words of Gimli "...the trick is to keep breathing."
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on May 11, 2015, 06:20:40 PM
This is Incredibly hard for me to write

I suffer from anxiety. I've always been shy but it it got so bad in my early twenties that I wouldn't leave the house unless I had to (work and shopping) I couldn't even maintain eye contact unless I really know the person (family) and when I did go out I thought strangers were laughing/talking at me behind my back on top of all this I was starting to get eczema on my face it wasn't too bad but my self concious was making it worse. I even worried about my accent thinking people wouldn't understand me  this meant my social life suffered I really wanted to make friends but at same time I was scared of meeting people I throw myself into books

But when I  was really down and feeling lonely and felt I was wasting my life hiding away, I joined a social club on my own called Spice it was one of the bravest thing I've ever done I forced myself to use eye contact and try to talk to people and it was brilliant at first I did zorbing,micro-lighting,paint-balling etc but then disaster a girl who I didn't know very well accused me of stalking her (she split up from her b/f and wanted to be noticed or something) a complete fabrication , I eventually had an apology of her but the damage was done. I left as it had knocked my confidence and trust for a long time

I eventually picked myself up again and forced myself to be brave I wanted to try archery so forced myself to join an archery club. Here I found friends and gained close friendships,  there went to the pub on Friday evenings I joined in which was scary at first but then I got more and more confident which gave me the confidence to join a badminton club

Last year my Dad passed away from bowel cancer to distract me I joined a cycling club. I would never would have had the courage earlier to do this.

Even Fantasy Faction gives me confidence as the people here are so friendly here

I still get scared of meeting new people especially in big groups but I try my best to fight against my anxiety  maybe I should go to the next Grim Gathering

 
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on May 11, 2015, 06:27:04 PM
There's a great story about perseverance and courage in there @Eclipse (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=9661). Something to be admired.

But don't think you won't get teased in the next Birthday Cycle story!  ;)
(Just not about any of this. Well, maybe the accent. And the badminton ;D)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on May 11, 2015, 07:15:00 PM
There's a great story about perseverance and courage in there @Eclipse (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=9661). Something to be admired.
This.

Thank you so much for sharing - and I think you're way braver than me, I keep joining things then never really going, hehe

And definitely come to the next GGathering, I was dead scared at first and had the time of my life! Or if you prefer to start small, if ever you travel up north, we could meet one day :) (when I'm feeling better and ready to face people again hehe - at the moment I fully understand your 'eye contact' comment...)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nighteyes on May 11, 2015, 07:21:48 PM
None of you are alone. Forums are quite a good outlet for people with depression as they are a safe environment - if there is anyone unpleasant you can always log of.  Not that is an issue at FF.  And certainly I know there has been a few posters here who have confessed either privately or in older threads which have been buried away as newer threads have been started. Book clubs are definitely a good idea as they attract often more introverted people.  And hey a lot of great writers have suffered from depression - look at Scott Lynch for example.

keep posting, keep talking.


Love Wolfie x
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: xiagan on May 11, 2015, 07:45:50 PM
Depression is quite common in my gf's family so I understand what you are going through.

Words may help, but maybe comics help more?

Because of what I said above, I collected some beautiful comics about depression. Hope you enjoy them! :)

http://imgur.com/gallery/LQBxL (http://imgur.com/gallery/LQBxL)

http://imgur.com/gallery/ZCYSr (http://imgur.com/gallery/ZCYSr)

http://imgur.com/r/comics/4NqhmxF (http://imgur.com/r/comics/4NqhmxF)

http://imgur.com/gallery/qF5iRhV (http://imgur.com/gallery/qF5iRhV)

http://imgur.com/a/5GYkD?gallery (http://imgur.com/a/5GYkD?gallery)

http://i.imgur.com/wZeK2vL.jpg (http://i.imgur.com/wZeK2vL.jpg)

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on May 11, 2015, 08:56:12 PM
Depression is quite common in my gf's family so I understand what you are going through.

Words may help, but maybe comics help more?

Because of what I said above, I collected some beautiful comics about depression. Hope you enjoy them! :)

http://imgur.com/gallery/LQBxL (http://imgur.com/gallery/LQBxL)

http://imgur.com/gallery/ZCYSr (http://imgur.com/gallery/ZCYSr)

http://imgur.com/r/comics/4NqhmxF (http://imgur.com/r/comics/4NqhmxF)

http://imgur.com/gallery/qF5iRhV (http://imgur.com/gallery/qF5iRhV)

http://imgur.com/a/5GYkD?gallery (http://imgur.com/a/5GYkD?gallery)

http://i.imgur.com/wZeK2vL.jpg (http://i.imgur.com/wZeK2vL.jpg)

Wow. Those are moving. Especially the last one.

Myself, I've never had to deal with true clinical depression, and put in context my own problems seem rather trivial, but I guess I'll share too:

I have Asperger syndrome, diagnosed when I was sixteen and miserable from loneliness after leaving home for high school. The diagnosis helped and led me to get the support and mindset I needed.

I have made great improvements in the sixteen years since, both in my ability to understand other people and to live with myself. I have a few friends I made through tabletop games and hobbies that don't involve my computer.

But I‘m still a bit of an alien among people. I don‘t deal with chaos and noise well. I‘m stiff and awkward in conversations and I don‘t have much of an ability to form new friendships. There is always this invisible wall around me, and this strange inner blockage that limits my outward emotional expression.

Almost all of my time away from work is spent alone. Seeing a young couple with a baby or a group of friends tends to give me this sting of sadness and yearning, this wish to have been born a bit different. I fully expect to remain single for the rest of my days. Looking at myself I honestly see no realistic chance of any other outcome.
I often have negative thoughts towards myself, just under the surface, denigrating my worth, my accomplishments, where I am in life, my bravery. And for some reason I‘ve been unusually hard on myself this year.

But, as I said, on whole I’ve improved greatly from the miserable boy I once was. The darkest days now are nothing compared to the past. My family is good people and I have learned to manage myself and make the world less sharp and difficult.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on May 11, 2015, 09:53:24 PM
I look forward to you story Jmack ,just remember who gave you credits to get you started haha

Scarletbea I would love to meet up with you one day eventually, you could show me the sites and have cake. Just don't let me make excuse up not to go like I'm scared what happens if I run out of things to say

Eli, I know what you mean about group of friends I sometimes get jealous and wish I had more friends but I wonder how close there really are. I've now got two really close friends I've made who I feel comfortable with
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on May 12, 2015, 12:49:06 AM
Thank you @Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094) for starting this discussion thread and @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) for the poem and the initial sharing of your feelings.  To others here, @Nora (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40237), @wakarimasen (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40242), @Eclipse (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=9661) and @Eli Freysson,  who have opened up and shared your experience of depression, anxiety and associated conditions that you have to live with, please accept my sincere respect and admiration for your courage. It must have been very hard to write it all down and post it here as anonymous forums are often a way to disguise your true self in some respects and escape from things that make life difficult or miserable.

I realise the effects of these conditions are different for everyone but those of us who have no experience don't know how to respond and yet seriously want to offer help. I am always here to listen and please feel free to PM me at any time if you just want to chat and let it all out. Sometimes our time difference will work against a quick reply, sometimes it may be an advantage because my daytime is the night for some when things can often seem even blacker than in the day.

With this community you all know now that you have friends standing nearby.

The comics are brilliant, will be passing those links on where they will be appreciated, thanks :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on May 12, 2015, 02:28:41 AM
Eli, your problems are definitely not trivial!
That's just your brain putting you down (I know!).
So thanks for sharing too, and I hope F-F helps a bit in making you happier in general.

http://imgur.com/gallery/qF5iRhV (http://imgur.com/gallery/qF5iRhV)

This one ressonated with me and made me laugh because it's so true, although thankfully it doesn't happen a lot in the morning, it's mostly after one of the 'fits'.
If you'd like a chuckle in here, read on, what goes on inside most times when the event from the cartoon is happening.

Brain: It's time to move.
Body: mmmmmmmmm

Brain: You've really been here not moving for far too long, move.
Body: mmmmmmmmm

Brain: Ok, I'll do a countdown and at the end you move, ok?
Body: mmmm

Brain: five-four-three-two-one-zero, move
Body: mmmmmmmmm

Brain: Hey! Ok, one more: cinq-quatre-trois-deux-un-zero, move
Body: mmmmmmmmm

Brain: Really? cinco-quatro-tres-dois-um-zero
Body: mmmmmmmmm

Brain: still? funf-vier-drei-zwei-eins-null
Body: mmmmmmmmm

Brain: last one. I don't know any more languages. cinco-cuatro-tres-dos-uno, zero
Body: mmmmmmmmm

Brain: no, you know I can't do italian, it always comes out as weird spanish
Body: mmmm
*moves very slowly*
 ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on May 16, 2015, 06:30:16 PM
Ok. I have the feeling that some people do care :) - not only about me, but trying to understand better what the illness represents.
So here's something I found today that sheds some more light on the whole issue.

We talked before how I like modern art - which for me is all about feelings, rather than any particular technique.
Today at the Tate Liverpool I saw this painting that for me really reflects what's happening to me:

(https://dg19s6hp6ufoh.cloudfront.net/pictures/611832180/large/tate_tate_t00585_10_large.jpeg)

This is my brain. Organised, logical, coherent, working all as normal... if you only see the outside border.
However when you look inside everything is broken, out of synch, out of order, confused, random.
Nobody really sees inside, except when the little broken pieces come to the surface, during my 'crisis moments'.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on May 18, 2015, 11:17:18 PM
I have about as much of a grasp of abstract art as I do with communications (I think it has to do with that Aspie rigidly logic-based mindset), so I'll just say I commend you for sharing your feelings and hope you feel better soon, ScarletBea.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on May 19, 2015, 12:12:47 AM
Ok. I have the feeling that some people do care :) - not only about me, but trying to understand better what the illness represents.
So here's something I found today that sheds some more light on the whole issue.

We talked before how I like modern art - which for me is all about feelings, rather than any particular technique.
Today at the Tate Liverpool I saw this painting that for me really reflects what's happening to me:

(https://dg19s6hp6ufoh.cloudfront.net/pictures/611832180/large/tate_tate_t00585_10_large.jpeg)

This is my brain. Organised, logical, coherent, working all as normal... if you only see the outside border.
However when you look inside everything is broken, out of synch, out of order, confused, random.
Nobody really sees inside, except when the little broken pieces come to the surface, during my 'crisis moments'.
That reminds me of a poster about autism that I made for a college project - I (digitally) cut up a portrait using those kind of shapes and shifted the pieces around slightly, to go with the tag line "the autistic self is fragmented not broken, why try to fix it". I would share the poster but it's 6 years old and has a big photo of me on it...  :-[ Obviously in the case of autism it's a permanent mindset rather than a temporary thing, but I don't think it'd be surprising if depression comes with similar feelings of frustration and disconnection.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Kazreemo on May 19, 2015, 10:04:23 AM
Anyone that can talk about their own struggles are NOT weak. Opening yourself up to others takes an incredible amount of courage.

I lost my mother a couple of years ago, it's safe to say she was the centre of my universe and right up until cancer finally took her I was in complete denial. Even after she passed I flat out refused it. Thinking myself strong by appearing normal I was taking my emotions (which were wild and unpredictable) out on those closest to me. I have since apologised and worked my way back into their understanding good graces.

I bought a little book, and started writing down the thoughts that were trying to (what felt like) kill me. Every day adding something just to get it out of my head and look at it.

One thing I wrote down (I can't remember exactly without it being on me) Is how proud people are slaves. Puppets that are forced to conceal their true feelings out of absolute fear that the world or even a single person might see weakness. Some of the greatest atrocities on earth have been committed as acts of pride. The bottling up of all these emotions, placing them on some unseen shelf for you to eventually deal with alone (but of course you never do) all in the name of superficial strength eventually leads to your own self destruction. Had I had the true strength of character to seek help sooner maybe I wouldn't have hurt so many others, their only crime trying to help me.

I then sought out help and simply letting open the flood gates and offloading the contents of my head to someone who understood, or even just listened was like someone opening a pressure valve on me and I could breathe again.

As ScarletBea said, depression is different for everyone. And I have the highest respect for anyone strong enough to voice their struggle, for in doing so you expose yourself in the most intimate manner to the outside world. That takes true courage.

Every one needs a hug every now and again  ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on May 19, 2015, 10:38:32 PM
Yes, pride can be a terrible thing when it becomes an internal block. When it makes a person put up a false face, close up and deny to the world and maybe even themselves that anything is wrong, suffering in silence for the sake of an ultimately meaningless charade. Humans have many different ways of making life needlessly difficult.

So to anyone reading this: If you have problems, if you are in pain, for God's sake get someone to talk to, friend relative or professional. Leaving a wound untreated does not make it go away.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Francis Knight on May 19, 2015, 10:59:09 PM
As you can already see, you aren't alone

I'm bipolar and have long periods of crushing depression (and then long periods where I'm like a bee on speed)

Took me over twenty years to get diagnosed (mainly because my mum, we know know, is also bipolar and so was her mum and I just thought all the women in the family are just...like this. I thought it was normal)

CBT has made the hugest contribution to managing it -- I still fail too often enough, but not as badly? And I have, as said upthread, my dried frog pills for when it gets bad (for a while after my diagnosis, I was chemically coshed to the point I could not speak...turns out I have a weird reaction to most of the drugs, but we found one that a) works in a couple of says and b) doesn't leave me drooling)

For anyone suffering, I'd say...go and talk to a doctor. They will help, and you don't need to suffer alone. And tell he people in your life!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on May 23, 2015, 03:47:14 PM
Been struggling a little bit the nearer my birthday gets, it be my first birthday without my dad

On the bright side I will be spending some time with my six month old niece 14lbs 7  :), I've already brought her a Fairy Tale book  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on May 23, 2015, 09:24:27 PM
Eclipse, it will be hard no matter what, but spending time with nieces is the best feeling!
I'm currently sitting on the floor, in the dark, by my 3-year old niece's bed, waiting for her to fall asleep - I got her into bed, read her a bunch of stories, and she even read one to me!
It did me the world of good :D
And the 1.5-months one is also extremely cute and cuddly ;D

I hope you do enjoy yours, and have a lovely time.

And another sharing bit: there are so many nice people out there, the ones that ask me if I'm ok and if i need help when they see me crying in corners of places or streets, and especially for leaving me alone  when I say no, I don't need anything.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on May 23, 2015, 10:03:07 PM
Yes I love my niece I see her quite regularly as my sister only lives 15- 20 mins away in car from me  :) and she sends me Photos of her which make me happy, She's just started eating pears and yoghurt and making a mess of eating them (my niece not my sister  ;) ) currently she goes to baby swimming and baby massage

She be taking me out to see www.littleowlfarmpark.co.uk/index.html on Tuesday :D

It must have been amazing  feeling when you niece read a story to you  :) you have to help me with recommendation of books for my niece when she's a bit older hehe I was thinking of a supergirl comics I really can't get her Grimdark novels that's what Saraband would recommend to me haha
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on May 24, 2015, 12:22:49 AM
@ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) and @Eclipse (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=9661) you guys are going to be the best ever spoily aunt and uncle. :D :D  Kids are so straightforward and say just what they think and make undemanding company, except for the excess energy which is hard to keep up with. ;), Best of all when they are little bit sleepy they are the best cuddlers in the world.  ;D So glad you get to play and enjoy time with them.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 08, 2015, 12:27:57 PM
Ok, I wondered if I should post this (this is starting to be regular, hehe), but in the spirit of sharing and education, I decided yes.

I found this graph on  book on depression at the library, one of the few that presented scientific language to talk about the illness, and made sense (you wouldn't believe how much mumbo-jumbo there is... I guess like in any other health fields...). It shows how mood varies throughout the recovery period:

(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ZsytnPg_MDo/VXV5owY_tHI/AAAAAAAAEpU/bfkmPx8RqV4/s800/Graph.jpg)

At the moment I'm probably on the part of the graph underneath the right side of the legend box, and this made so much sense! Because although the average trend is upwards, the gap between good days and bad days (actually, good moments and bad moments - anything from a few minutes to several hours) is so big that at times it feels like I'm really bad and never going to get better. But I will :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on June 08, 2015, 12:44:27 PM
I'm so glad you posted that graph @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) because it shows clearly the awfulness and difficult of trying to cope with such constant and enormous extremes.  But it helps others to be able to visualise it a little better. Hang on and keep looking at the far right part of the graph.   ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 08, 2015, 11:10:03 PM
I'm glad you're climbing your way up.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 13, 2015, 05:48:17 PM
(I hope you forgive me for this post, but I just have to say it... no replies needed)

I'm sick of being ill, and I hate that there's absolutely nothing I can do except wait, and I hate that at the moment my life is almost completely uncontrollable >:(
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 14, 2015, 09:11:38 AM
(I hope you forgive me for this post, but I just have to say it... no replies needed)

I'm sick of being ill, and I hate that there's absolutely nothing I can do except wait, and I hate that at the moment my life is almost completely uncontrollable >:(

It's perfectly normal to be frustrated when dealing with illness. Riding it out is all one can do.

Hang in there.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: wakarimasen on June 15, 2015, 11:53:00 AM
@ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) I recommend Tai Chi. Learning means you are "doing something" and I've found it helps, for at least the duration of the practice (and lets face it, even a couple of hours respite is welcome).
Typically I spend the first 20 mins of any class thinking....
"This is all a bunch of tree hugging hippy shit"
Then I walk out at the end wondering why I don't practice more.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 27, 2015, 02:33:55 PM
Today I found a quote by Stephen Fry that ressonated with me:

"If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather. **
Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do."

Thanks to all who posted here, you definitely fit in this description :-*
I'm slowly... very slowly... getting better. I think. Still too many awful days to realise that, but my doctor says so :)

** to be honest, it is an illness of the limbic system. But that is not the answer to the 'why' question, just to the 'what'.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on June 27, 2015, 03:32:00 PM
I don't suffer from Depression but I do know what it feels like to be lonely it 's horrible and I wouldn't want anyone to go in life without a true friend  :'(.I have got some friends now that I fought back against my battle with social anxiety scared of meeting people but getting lonely as I wasn't meeting people. I've also got my sister and mum but I still get lonely from time to time.

I went out today this morning cycling in the sun with the cycling club it was a lovely morning, been doing it for about six month now and it gets me out the house on a weekend and it makes me feel fitter also when someone asks me what I did on the weekend I can say I went cycling or to archery and not say something boring like cleaning the house and watched the tv I always worry when I meet a person I worry that I run out of subjects to talk to them about and then there don't wont to know me. That's how my mind works I worry what other people think about me and I shouldn't.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 27, 2015, 03:51:28 PM
when someone asks me what I did on the weekend I can say I went cycling or to archery and not say something boring like cleaning the house and watched the tv
hehe that's what I do, but don't tell them ;)
Anyway, that's good, but you can also start talking about books - although if the people you know are like the ones I know, their eyes glaze over at the first mention of 'fantasy' ;D

Have you considered volunteering a couple of hours at a local charity shop? I started doing that last year, and it does me the world of good, helping out, meeting people and doing something completely different to my normal day job. Even now it's a thing I look forward to, even if I'm not doing as many hours as before :)
It doesn't have to be every week, nor the full day, I do saturday mornings twice a month.
And it doesn't even have to be in front of the public (I'm at the till), there are lots of work for people in the background, at least in mine (the local Hospice).

And please take steps to change this, you already know that you shouldn't be doing it:
I worry what other people think about me
It also took me some time, but it's so freeing, not to care... I can't tell you how I did it, though, I can't pinpoint specific things.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on June 27, 2015, 04:20:10 PM
when someone asks me what I did on the weekend I can say I went cycling or to archery and not say something boring like cleaning the house and watched the tv
hehe that's what I do, but don't tell them ;)
Anyway, that's good, but you can also start talking about books - although if the people you know are like the ones I know, their eyes glaze over at the first mention of 'fantasy' ;D

Have you considered volunteering a couple of hours at a local charity shop? I started doing that last year, and it does me the world of good, helping out, meeting people and doing something completely different to my normal day job. Even now it's a thing I look forward to, even if I'm not doing as many hours as before :)
It doesn't have to be every week, nor the full day, I do saturday mornings twice a month.
And it doesn't even have to be in front of the public (I'm at the till), there are lots of work for people in the background, at least in mine (the local Hospice).

And please take steps to change this, you already know that you shouldn't be doing it:
I worry what other people think about me
It also took me some time, but it's so freeing, not to care... I can't tell you how I did it, though, I can't pinpoint specific things.

It's very hard to find people who like fantasy books in real life unless you in a book shop in the fantasy/sc-fi section, I can talk here for my fix of fantasy  :)

I think I would do charity work now but I wouldn't have done in the past I would have been too scared and now I go cycling sat mornings from about 9.30 to 13.00 I'm absolutely shattered when I get back but feel good and I go to Archery Sunday mornings and Friday evenings and then I've  Badminton on a Monday evening  :)

As for the worrying I try not too. some days are better then others but I'm much better then I used to be now that I realise people aren't talking about me behind my back I used to think this, it made me want to stop in unless I had to go out and I'm not scared of eye contact now. I tended to look at the floor :) (I think this was because I thought people were judging my appearance)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 27, 2015, 04:23:14 PM
So off=topic, but you guys have been talking about mentioning "fantasy."
I find that when  talk about what I write, I always say "Science Fiction and Fantasy."
I just shy away from saying "Fantasy" all on its lonesome.
Such a wimp.  :-[
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on June 27, 2015, 04:29:07 PM
So off=topic, but you guys have been talking about mentioning "fantasy."
I find that when  talk about what I write, I always say "Science Fiction and Fantasy."
I just shy away from saying "Fantasy" all on its lonesome.
Such a wimp.  :-[

I think it because I'm  not that much in sci-fi , do you shy away from saying fantasy because it conjures up Fantasy role playing in your head  ;) it certainly bring a whole new meaning in the RPG haha
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on June 27, 2015, 05:40:52 PM
So off=topic, but you guys have been talking about mentioning "fantasy."
I find that when  talk about what I write, I always say "Science Fiction and Fantasy."
I just shy away from saying "Fantasy" all on its lonesome.
Such a wimp.  :-[
Better to just say "Speculative Fiction".  8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 29, 2015, 05:51:40 PM
I'm sure other previous posters will understand and sympathise with this:

There isn't a harder/more loaded question in the world than "how are you?" >:(
For a person who is quite honest and doesn't like/doesn't understand the minutiae of small talk, I never know how to respond - and usually do it wrongly. Especially now ::)

Any suggestions on how to answer 'properly'?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on June 29, 2015, 06:43:06 PM
I'm sure other previous posters will understand and sympathise with this:

There isn't a harder/more loaded question in the world than "how are you?" >:(
For a person who is quite honest and doesn't like/doesn't understand the minutiae of small talk, I never know how to respond - and usually do it wrongly. Especially now ::)

Any suggestions on how to answer 'properly'?
In my experience, English people say that as an extension of the word "hello". You're expected to say "fine thanks, how are you?" and then they'll respond in kind and your conversation can continue or end there. Regardless of whether either of you are actually fine or not. I've always despised those kind of aspects of English culture, just seems so fake.

Once, one of our friends visited for a couple of weeks, and he's very much one of those people who are polite in a very English way. We tried to warn him that people over here just don't do that, but naturally he didn't listen.

On one day we met up with one of our best friends, and when he joined us on the bus the English friend straight away said "Hi, nice to meet you, how are you?". The Finnish friend looked at him like he was insane and said "...I'm... okay?", and just generally looked like he felt really confused and awkward - and he's just about the most extroverted person I've ever met.  ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 29, 2015, 06:58:37 PM
I'm sure other previous posters will understand and sympathise with this:

There isn't a harder/more loaded question in the world than "how are you?" >:(
For a person who is quite honest and doesn't like/doesn't understand the minutiae of small talk, I never know how to respond - and usually do it wrongly. Especially now ::)

Any suggestions on how to answer 'properly'?

My two cents. As I though I really know this stuff:

If they know your situation: "Well, it's going all right (or I'm in a bit of a down point). Good days and bad days, you know?" Add more if they inquire.

If they don't know your situation and it's not important to you if they do: "I'm okay, how about you?"

If they don't know, and you do want them to: "Thanks for asking; I've actually been having a pretty hard time of late. I know that's not what you expect to hear when you're just being polite, but I wanted you to know."

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 29, 2015, 08:24:45 PM
I'm sure other previous posters will understand and sympathise with this:

There isn't a harder/more loaded question in the world than "how are you?" >:(
For a person who is quite honest and doesn't like/doesn't understand the minutiae of small talk, I never know how to respond - and usually do it wrongly. Especially now ::)

Any suggestions on how to answer 'properly'?

All I can say is that, yeah I totally share your frustration. I too feel compelled to answer honestly. And when I'm not doing well a question about my well being puts me on the spot in a way I really don't care for. Answering honestly just leads to an awkward situation if I'm talking to someone I'm not about to discuss my emotional issues with, but the only alternative is to lie and pretend everything is fine.

Often I just shrug and try to continue with the original topic.

For what it's worth, personally I think your feelings on this are entirely warranted.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 29, 2015, 08:39:50 PM
I too feel compelled to answer honestly. And when I'm not doing well a question about my well being puts me on the spot in a way I really don't care for. Answering honestly just leads to an awkward situation if I'm talking to someone I'm not about to discuss my emotional issues with, but the only alternative is to lie and pretend everything is fine.

Often I just shrug and try to continue with the original topic.

Oh gawd, this 100%, exactly (I was actually thinking about you when I wrote that, I figured you'd have this problem too!)
I like the shrugging, I also tend to mumble the words to avoid them understanding while not actually lying, hehe

And thanks J, for the useful guide :D now, if only I remembered that while the conversation is actually taking place, instead of afterwards when I'm feeling terribly embarassed ::)
(and to be honest, I think you forgot the case of people who do know but they're not really asking in a meaningful way... which makes them fall in situation 2, I guess)

Raptori, yep, but it's not only the English. In Portugal people also say hello by saying "olá, tudo bem?" (hi, all ok?) - and I had exactly the same problem then when all 'was not ok', regardless of the situation *sigh*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 29, 2015, 08:58:58 PM
I feel no compunction to be honest in such situations.  ;D
But then, nothing much embarrasses me.
Which is a good thing, considering how many embarrassing things I say and do each day.  :o
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: wakarimasen on July 07, 2015, 01:47:02 PM
Quite often, when I'm feeling more ballsy, I brush this off with the response;
"Still taking the pills. How about you?"

It's been my experience that most people are really only interested in themselves are are only too happy to reverse out of troubled waters and talk about their favourite subject. With others, like good friends, it tells them all they need to know and if they want to know more then they know they can ask.

Do not feel compelled to answer with an explantation or even honestly. It's a universal constant that everyone knows "Fine" doesn't mean fine anyway.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 07, 2015, 01:54:30 PM
Thanks, Waka.

Sometimes I also answer to "How are you? / How are you going?", with a simple "I'm going ::)"

I like the "still taking the pills" one ;D
It's one I can get used to, since it's going to be a constant for many months hehe
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Titus on July 08, 2015, 09:43:40 AM
My quite significant experiences with depression are not something I like to discuss (the only people I've ever discussed things with are medical professionals and my wife), but I think it's great that some of you have used this as a means of 'airing' your views/thoughts/advice/feelings ... the internet can be a wonderful place sometimes  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 08, 2015, 10:29:57 AM
Titus, thanks for posting that.
I fully understand where you're coming from, I was like you the very first time I had it, 18 years ago.

This time, the 4th - not sure if it's because I've got more self-confidence, or the words to talk about it 'better', or because I've encountered some silly (not to mention unintentionally hurtful) replies - I'm trying to be more open:
* at work, to avoid the stigma still surrounding the illness with some people, and because every time I say it, someone comes to me and either has had it too or knows someone who does - and yet everyone thinks they're the only ones
* here, because I've come to count the regulars as my friends (some are really good friends, who've 'saved' me a few times) - and because I realise that keeping things to myself is the easiest way to make the recovery much harder for me
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nora on July 09, 2015, 02:54:12 AM
So off=topic, but you guys have been talking about mentioning "fantasy."
I find that when  talk about what I write, I always say "Science Fiction and Fantasy."
I just shy away from saying "Fantasy" all on its lonesome.
Such a wimp.  :-[

I say fiction and horror. Horror in fiction. It's wide, true and indeed less geeky sounding!  ::)
I feel you Jmack, but don't worry. It doesn't matter. Anyone interested in reading fantasy or SF would want to know more and judge your work not the "idea" of you drooling over a tacky, 80's tropes-ridden sword and sorcery draft...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: KazaktheAwesome on July 09, 2015, 02:35:23 PM
I've only spent a short time on here, but I think that this is my favorite thread. This was a wonderful read and those comics are something amazing. I might start a mental illness board on Pinterest, if only to keep such things because they did give me strength.

Usually, when someone asks, "How are you?" I repeat it back to them. Most people carry on blissfully and I've learned that the ones who aren't just asking on automation will say something like, "Fine, but how are you?" I've even gotten someone to open up to me about the hard time they were having... not that it was my intention. But just as people usually don't see me going through a hard time, I didn't even consider that this person was struggling.

@ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) hugs are all I can offer, love! Hugs and to say, that I can understand what you're going through. I've been there. It's probably only a matter of time before I go back. But I will get through it. And we're here to help you.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 13, 2015, 09:39:49 PM
I know, in my 'good' mind, that I don't really want to cancel my holidays.
My doctor told me not to.
But at the moment the thought of packing and deciding things, despite my lists, is incredibly overwhelming. It just freezes me and sends me off into crisis.
And the thought of all the travel... train, waiting, plane, train...
Once I'm there, I think I'll be ok.
Until then... not so much :-\
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on July 14, 2015, 12:21:10 AM
I know, in my 'good' mind, that I don't really want to cancel my holidays.
My doctor told me not to.
But at the moment the thought of packing and deciding things, despite my lists, is incredibly overwhelming. It just freezes me and sends me off into crisis.
And the thought of all the travel... train, waiting, plane, train...
Once I'm there, I think I'll be ok.
Until then... not so much :-\
It's going to be totally great [he says, going all polly-anna on you again]. But it will!  ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on July 14, 2015, 05:55:39 PM
Where are you going on you Holidays ? is this the Belgium trip or somewhere more Exotic  ;) you have to have some Belgium cake and tell me about it and maybe take a photo of that rare creature called Henry Dale,have a great holiday
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Henry Dale on July 14, 2015, 07:00:11 PM
Where are you going on you Holidays ? is this the Belgium trip or somewhere more Exotic  ;) you have to have some Belgium cake and tell me about it and maybe take a photo of that rare creature called Henry Dale,have a great holiday

What's Belgium cake?  ???
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on July 14, 2015, 07:07:27 PM
Where are you going on you Holidays ? is this the Belgium trip or somewhere more Exotic  ;) you have to have some Belgium cake and tell me about it and maybe take a photo of that rare creature called Henry Dale,have a great holiday

What's Belgium cake?  ???

It's made by pixies in the night  :) who escape from fairy tale book to have a break and the cake there make taste's delicious but you have to be quick to get you hands on them as the cake vanishes in daylight. There guard the recipe of Belgian Chocolate Truffle quite jealously as there don't wont sprites to get their secrets  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on July 14, 2015, 07:29:05 PM
You know I feel like having some Belgian Waffles with ice cream and Maple syrup maybe with some sliced banana added in to try and be healthy  ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 14, 2015, 08:21:26 PM
I have the Chocolate Museum on my list ;D

And you know Henry isn't really like his RPG character... or is he? 8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Henry Dale on July 14, 2015, 09:04:22 PM
I have the Chocolate Museum on my list ;D

And you know Henry isn't really like his RPG character... or is he? 8)

Or am I? Dun dun dunnnnn!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: xiagan on July 14, 2015, 09:13:44 PM
Chocolate museum? You have to go!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Henry Dale on July 15, 2015, 09:18:56 AM
Chocolate museum isn't that good to buy chocolate tho. The stuff there is too expensive. Better buy your chocolate in a normal convenience store here, same quality :p If you want the chocolate fountain, it's cheapest on the internet. (And tasty)

The french fries museum is a tourist trap, so are the fries you can buy on the square in front of the belfry. Better off buying them some streets away.

Also: don't pet the swans, navigate on the spires when you're lost and everyone that is not a bloody tourist knows some english  :P
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on July 15, 2015, 10:59:00 AM
navigate on the spires?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Henry Dale on July 15, 2015, 11:19:51 AM
navigate on the spires?

Belfry, church of the father and church of the mother. They stick out over all the houses. Easy to go to when you get lost in the winding streets.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 15, 2015, 11:36:50 AM
See, I got that - not need for explanation :D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on July 26, 2015, 06:14:56 PM
So, this thread has been quiet.

How are you doing, Scarletbea? And everyone else dealing with difficulties, for that matter.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 26, 2015, 06:28:39 PM
Thanks for asking, Eli.
You see, I was almost using this thread as therapy and thought people were sick of hearing me go on and on...

Yesterday I wrote in my diary that I felt that I had turned a corner; that my physical symptoms seemed to be much better, and now it was mostly the mental ones. And this because the week of my holidays turned out better than I expected. Yes, I still had a few crying moments, which I managed in churches or museum corners (hehe), but all in all, much less than I feared.
Of course, after writing that, I was once again awake for a couple of hours in the middle of the night ::)
But while before it felt like 1.5 steps forward and 1 step back, now it's more 2 or 3 forward and 1 back :)
So all's moving in the right direction, faster. Of course, I don't expect (or want) to leave my medication any time soon...

What about you? How have you been with people interaction? Any progress - and I mean only if you want to, of course.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lor on July 26, 2015, 06:50:20 PM
I've only just seen this thread, given I'm just back, and I am overwhelmed by how lovely and caring you all are. Good work people!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on July 26, 2015, 11:29:51 PM
Thanks for asking, Eli.
You see, I was almost using this thread as therapy and thought people were sick of hearing me go on and on...

Yesterday I wrote in my diary that I felt that I had turned a corner; that my physical symptoms seemed to be much better, and now it was mostly the mental ones. And this because the week of my holidays turned out better than I expected. Yes, I still had a few crying moments, which I managed in churches or museum corners (hehe), but all in all, much less than I feared.
Of course, after writing that, I was once again awake for a couple of hours in the middle of the night ::)
But while before it felt like 1.5 steps forward and 1 step back, now it's more 2 or 3 forward and 1 back :)
So all's moving in the right direction, faster. Of course, I don't expect (or want) to leave my medication any time soon...

What about you? How have you been with people interaction? Any progress - and I mean only if you want to, of course.

Good that you're doing better.

Well I haven't suddenly gotten better at getting to know new people. I went to a little cocoa-and-waffles gathering held by relatives and I just couldn't stay long because of the clamour. I also didn't attend a forest BBQ yesterday because I know how I usually am at large gatherings, and I'm weary of social disappointments.

On the other hand my friends and I have been managing to meet regularly for pen and paper RPG's, so that's been fun
I AM feeling a lot better than I have been doing this year. I got my fifth Icelandic novel published this July, so that's off my back. I also made the decision to give Icelandic publishing a rest for at least a year (or possibly indefinitely), and focus on translating into English. It has really brought my stress levels down. And I'm more than halfway through translating the next book I'm going to put on Amazon, and I've been using my July vacation to just relax, go for cycling tours and nature walks and the rest has been doing wonders for me.

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on July 27, 2015, 01:28:12 AM
If this thread provides any kind of good therapy as well as company and comfort that is just what it is meant for and I'm glad it is here. 

I found this article about a clever Emergency App for phones and it may be useful to others. Don't be put off by title, it is not just for autistic people but as the examples show can be adapted for many situations.

I have a friend who has occasional severe Meniere's disease attacks, but knows that usually a quiet place to sit  and help to call family is all that is needed. Unfortunately she had semi collapse in shopping centre one day, with and   so she couldn't explain properly what was happening before helpful people called ambulance and she got taken to hospital. If she had one of these Apps she could have used it at earliest onset and shown someone so they would have known what to do.

Quote
Sometimes, when you're stressed out, the absolute last thing you need is for someone to ask you how they can help. It's a nice gesture, of course, but when you've reached a certain point in your panic attack, you probably don't have the brainpower left to articulate your needs.

http://www.upworthy.com/no-one-knew-how-to-help-him-during-a-panic-attack-so-this-autistic-man-made-an-app-to-tell-them
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 31, 2015, 12:54:12 PM
Blip.
Big step backwards last night/this morning, working from home today.
A friend brought me my work laptop and we chatted for a long while, it felt quite helpful - and then she stayed over the rest of the morning, each of us working separately.
I'm on lunch break now, then work but slowly, calmly.

I think I might have overstretched myself because I was feeling almost normal, and then it came back with a vengeance. Nothing is ever straight-forward, is it? :-\
Title: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on July 31, 2015, 12:58:02 PM
as long as you know you can keep moving forward, it's something you can handle. but incredibly frustrating, yes?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on July 31, 2015, 01:13:20 PM
Blip.
Big step backwards last night/this morning, working from home today.
A friend brought me my work laptop and we chatted for a long while, it felt quite helpful - and then she stayed over the rest of the morning, each of us working separately.
I'm on lunch break now, then work but slowly, calmly.

I think I might have overstretched myself because I was feeling almost normal, and then it came back with a vengeance. Nothing is ever straight-forward, is it? :-\

I know it's not comparable but I lift weights three times a week. Last summer I was all geared up to break my bench press record when my shoulder went to hell. I had to drastically scale down my weights and retrain the shoulder for months before climbing back up. I was almost up to my peak in November and thinking of participating in an annuals New Year's Eve bench tournament when my other shoulder had a less severe whoopsie. But again, I trained and got it into working order and was set to do well for my puny weight class at the tournament. Then I got a migraine a couple of hours before the event and couldn't do squat. I was bitter and made two more attempts to break my record this year and suffered two more  shoulder problems. Now I've decided to bench only medium weights throughout the year and work on the little muscles that help prevent such issues.

I guess my point is that wanting to get right back to your best is understandable, but taking time with recovery can be worth it. Hang in there.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: wakarimasen on July 31, 2015, 03:16:22 PM
@ScarlettBea
Don't forget the graphic you posted earlier on in this thread Bea. The wildest swings we see in our moods occur in about the middle of our recovery cycle. So it's totally usual to be feeling better and then crash to the bottom of the pit.
Chin up and keep taking the pills.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 31, 2015, 06:48:01 PM
Thanks guys, your words do help a lot. :-*

Eli, that is just so awful! All that time trying to recover, only to keep falling again. I'm so glad you managed to find something you can do, and you didn't let all that bring you down, or give up. You're a great example!

Waka, thanks for reminding me of things I myself have said hehe, so true, and yet I just couldn't think about that.

I think that my improvements last week were maybe also linked to all the walking and 'outside time' that I had. I will start walking more, now, and maybe start with little runs too - I remember before all this how that always gave me a good mood afterwards.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on August 02, 2015, 05:20:13 PM
I've had an emotional weekend went to Anglesey (Llanfairpwll - Llanfair PG in Anglesey, North Wales) my dad grow up went to school and leant to speak welsh here along with learning how to swim in the Dingle (woodlands)

http://www.anglesey.gov.uk/planning-and-waste/countryside/the-dingle-nature-reserve/

Yesterday my mum,sister and her husband along with my 8 month niece spread  my dads ashes in the dingle where he learnt to swim and fish along with his love of nature.

Said goodbye and cried a few times, feel a bit strange and tired now.

Before coming home today we visited http://plascadnantgardens.co.uk/2/en-GB/THE-HIDDEN-GARDENS I've never been there before it was lovely and I think my dad would have loved it.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on August 02, 2015, 07:19:13 PM
*hugs* Eclipse
That looks a most fitting resting place, back to nature and helping it grow. That's exactly what I'd like to happen to me.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on August 03, 2015, 01:50:59 PM
*hugs* Eclipse
That looks a most fitting resting place, back to nature and helping it grow. That's exactly what I'd like to happen to me.

Thank you for the hug, my niece has started to crawl today following my sister round the house.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on August 03, 2015, 07:04:18 PM
Hey, @Eclipse (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=9661), many good thoughts your way

While on vacation the last two weeks, we joined my dad, step-brother and brothers in Maine to send my step-mom Elaine's ashes into the Atlantic.

Here's someone's wedding link that actually gives great pictures of where we gave her her send off.

http://www.emilyanddrewgetmarried.com/travel/ (http://www.emilyanddrewgetmarried.com/travel/)

Somber stuff, but always better with family there and nature reminding us of where we fit in things.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on August 06, 2015, 09:48:35 AM
*hugs* to Jmack too. Lovely place.



It seems our condition got a boost with a famous SFF person talking about it. Hurrah for people not being afraid to share :)
*keeping my chin up and taking the pills*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on August 15, 2015, 03:23:10 PM
My mum lives in a  small cul de sac with a small field in front of her and the neighbours houses where people walk the dogs or play football or take little children to ride bikes unfortunately gypsy have just taken over the field with caravan and cars been driven all over it and now my mum scared to leave the house

The gypsy children/teenagers have got the whole field to play in and what do there do there sit immediately in front of my mum's house and other elderly neighbours. she's too scared to ask for them to play on the field in-case of reprisals

Just now there have got a mobility scooter and taking it in turns for rides

The Avenue has not had gypsy's before so it all a bit of a shook

 
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on August 16, 2015, 03:16:52 AM
@Eclipse (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=9661) that sounds terrible and I understand how scared your mother and neighbours must feel. Can you approach a local Council office or even the police on her behalf and see if they are there illegally and get them moved on?
I thought in UK there were specified places for them to stay and they couldn't just turn up and squat.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on August 16, 2015, 09:25:25 AM
There been here for nine days now

The council have now paid privately for a Bailiff company who have served the travellers with a notice to quit the site by 8am Monday morning. Apparently not many private Bailiff's will take on Traveller accounts but they have found one willing  The park planning have been out already and assess the site and as soon as they have gone on Monday they are to install the bollards.

I think there is  specified places for them in other councils but there don't seem to have one in Sandwell council.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on August 16, 2015, 09:54:20 AM
I've been feeling strangely detached from everything lately...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 16, 2015, 11:32:41 AM
I don't have a gypsy story but since this is a depression-related thread I just thought I'd put something up. I've never dealt with suicidal depression but I still found this little article quite moving. It ends with an account of how those few comic book panels actually saved someone's life.

It's strange how fiction can move our spirits, isn't it?

http://comicsalliance.com/all-star-superman-world-suicide-prevention-day/
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on August 16, 2015, 10:16:46 PM
I just finished A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara (not SF). As much as I admired it, and really did connect with it (it's quite easily a 5* novel) I find myself almost wishing I hadn't read it, as it's so totally harrowing. Now feeling a bit low!

Has anyone else read it or had a similar experience with a book?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Arry on August 16, 2015, 10:47:22 PM
I just finished A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara (not SF). As much as I admired it, and really did connect with it (it's quite easily a 5* novel) I find myself almost wishing I hadn't read it, as it's so totally harrowing. Now feeling a bit low!

Has anyone else read it or had a similar experience with a book?

It's not at all the same type of book, but I had a hard time with Heart Shaped Box by Joe Hill. It may just be it revolved too much around a personal trigger for me and just became overwhelmingly dark, (I have a very hard time reading anything relating to suicide). It definitely made me pretty low after reading.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on August 17, 2015, 05:55:31 AM
I haven't read either of those books, and thankfully haven't had any suicidal thoughts throughout my episodes ...

And now I'll use tags to avoid others triggering, because I'm sorry to say, I didn't really want to think about this anymore and you kinda made me and now I'm crying again :-\
I know you didn't mean it, but please think twice before writing such things in this thread - use spoiler tags.

(except in the very first one almost 20 years ago, that lasted about half a second and scared me enough to stop them in the future).
However I will admit to having been seriously tempted by self-harm during the blackest periods - and giving in twice, this time, saying to myself that if it didn't bleed it was ok and not really self-harm. I just wanted something easier felt and seen, visible to others, to deviate from the mental pain.
It took me the words of 2 close friends to promise to them not to do it again - I can easily break promises done to myself, but it's close to impossible to do it to others. Even though it was really hard, and the second time (smaller) happened after these promises :'(
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on August 17, 2015, 08:22:13 AM
Sorry Bea, I didn't think to tag anything in that post, but I will refrain in future. I think it best to leave it here, but if you need to talk you know where the PM button is!  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on August 17, 2015, 10:33:43 AM
I'm sorry too.
I keep telling myself not to go online or read potentially dangerous threads when I'm awake in the middle of the night, but I never follow my advice.
I think if I'd read it now, I wouldn't haven't reacted like I did.

(so glad I took the day off! Slept almost until 10, hurrah!)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: wakarimasen on August 17, 2015, 03:14:39 PM
@ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) sleep is one of the best things you can do.

If you continue to feel detached from stuff I recommend taking your shoes off and walking in the grass or on a beach. Not just because its nice but coming from an eastern medicine point of view that would help your "grounding" which is typically one of things out of balance when our discombobulating gremlins are ascendant.

Tapping your cheek bones just below your eyes also is supposed to help as that is the end of Stomach meridian and encourages grounding.

Of course, doing all that will make you look proper mental so choose a time and place you feel comfy in ;>)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on August 17, 2015, 05:31:04 PM
ScarletBea, sleep is one of the best things you can do.
I know, but unfortunately my body and my mind keep fighting at odd times of the day :-\

And I don't have a beach nearby, but I do have lots of grass, hehe. And sometimes all it really takes is for someone to *really see* me...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 17, 2015, 07:13:26 PM
I don't really understand triggering well, but I am sorry you aren't feeling well. I guess all I can say is hang in there, and that I wish you well.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Hedin on August 17, 2015, 09:57:46 PM
ScarletBea, sleep is one of the best things you can do.
I know, but unfortunately my body and my mind keep fighting at odd times of the day :-\

And I don't have a beach nearby, but I do have lots of grass, hehe. And sometimes all it really takes is for someone to *really see* me...

Music has always helped me when I have trouble sleeping.  It especially comes in handy when I'm on the road and missing home or just not comfortable because it isn't my house and my bed.  I just put on one of my favorite albums, sing along quietly in my head, and usually by the time the 3rd or 4th song comes on I'm dead asleep.  If I don't do that then my mind just wanders from thought to thought and never calms down enough.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on August 18, 2015, 07:36:18 PM
I’ve just been reading through this thread and I’m just so impressed with you all, and hope you won’t mind me rambling a little and sharing some of my own experiences.

I get anxious, a lot. I’ve found that with every year that passes it gets worse. I’m 27 and it worries me (heh – more anxiety!) just how quickly it’s developed.

I was always a nervous person, and certainly not very socially adept, though luckily I’ve always had a close group of friends who I’m still close with even to this day. (I’ve known my closest pal since we were 5 years old) But day-to-day I’ve always found it hard to be around people I don’t know, and I think it’s getting worse.

Nearly 4 years ago I contracted this crazy rare immune system disorder – thankfully eradicated now – that had me stuck on high doses of steroids and other horrible meds which I think changed my behaviours a bit, and certainly brought on my first actual anxiety ‘attacks’. Now the anxiety can come on at various times; sometimes it’s social, others it’s out of the blue and I get intense feeling of butterflies, or if I’m stressed it often comes on in the weeks after. When it’s particularly bad it leads me to feeling really low and depressed, which as you all know is hard to climb out of.

But I get social anxiety about the weirdest of things. Meeting people for specific reasons, face-to-face, doesn’t really bother me (like job interviews) but small things like having to make phone calls to strangers can turn me into a blithering idiot. And small talk is just the worst of all – I will actively avoid people in the kitchen at work so as to not have to make a total fool of myself. And just the smallest response to someone’s question of ‘How’s it going?’ will have me secretly questioning my own stupid responses once I get back to my desk. I constantly worry about how much of an inverted freak I must come across as.

I’m worried, though, about getting past it. I don’t live somewhere where I can even initiate much social interaction – like joining clubs or whatever, so Fantasy Faction really has been a big deal. And my older friends don’t read whatsoever. I’ve made a ton of friends here though, some who I’ve since become really good ‘real-life’ friends with. You know who you are. And @xiagan (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=1148) & @Eclipse (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=9661) – you guys are the best fellow Bonehunters an old Imass could possibly have!  I hope we meet someday soon.

And as for the phone calls thing, bleh that’s about to become really hard as I’m looking to become a teacher in the next few years and have to get some experience. Phoning around the local schools, explaining to receptionists who I am and asking who to contact…yeah, that’ll be fun.

Thanks for anyone who’s gotten to the end of this post, and thanks to everyone else who hasn’t anyway! I hope you’ll excuse my extended absence over the last year, and to those who’re still relatively new, I hope we also become good friends. I promise you, I’m not as weird as I sound.

Or maybe I am?  :o ??? :D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on August 18, 2015, 10:53:21 PM
I didn't realise so many have us got various stuff going on this is quite selfish but I'm glad I'm not alone in the way I feel/interact with people.

I want to meet you guys at the grim gathering but I'm scared. What if you don't understand my accent,what if I run out of things to say,what if noone talks to me.etc
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on August 18, 2015, 11:03:55 PM
I didn't realise so many have us got various stuff going on this is quite selfish but I'm glad I'm not alone in the way I feel/interact with people.

I want to meet you guys at the grim gathering but I'm scared. What if you don't understand my accent,what if I run out of things to say,what if noone talks to me.etc
I don't think it's selfish at all, it means that there are others around who understand so of course it feels good.  :)

What accent do you have? I grew up around loads of different accents, so I usually have no problem understanding anyone - and I now live in Finland where people often have quite strong accents. Back in England I once even managed to understand some Polish guy who only spoke Polish and ended up translating his grunts and gestures into English for him! I probably have the weirdest one ever - posh mancunian and northern londoner mixed with a bit of an Aussie influence. @Saurus (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40290) used to speek flawless Queen's English, but I've managed to corrupt her accent.

I don't think there'd be a problem with not having anything to say - we can always get out our books and have a bit of quiet reading time if any of us need to relax. We'll definitely talk to you, and I'm sure the others here would too!  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saurus on August 18, 2015, 11:35:32 PM
@Idlewilder (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=13358) I've had anxiety since I was quite young and I too find it gets worse every year. Phone calls, meeting people, even getting together with very old and dear friends gets me on edge, phone calls being one of the worst. It takes me weeks to gather up the courage to ring a doctor when something's wrong, and once I manage to do that, it's a whole other mission to actually get myself to the doctor's appointment. If I do manage to get to the appointment and there's a follow up, it's the same drama all over again. The worst part is that knowing this makes ringing them and booking the appointment even worse. I also get my moments of panic whenever my phone rings and it takes me ages to answer while I stare at it trying organise my thoughts to figure out what the person ringing wants. :D

I'm incredibly socially awkward, and I think most people find me weird and awkward, but I would definitely talk to you @Eclipse (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=9661) :)
Title: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: TigerBright on August 19, 2015, 12:59:59 AM
What a lovely thread,  it's nice to see you all supporting eachother.

I have quite severe social anxiety. Even  forums can lead to anxiety/panic attacks for me, which is why I'm a long-time lurker and don't often actually post. I dip my toe in occasionally when I'm in one of my better phases or feeling brave.

To be honest, I get a little intimidated by the post quality around here. So while I read this forum most days and follow discussion threads, I don't often feel that I have anything worthwhile or eloquent enough to contribute. I type out a lot of things that never get posted.

Just thought I'd take the opportunity to explain this while you're all talking about it.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on August 19, 2015, 01:13:11 AM
What a lovely thread,  it's nice to see you all supporting eachother.

I have quite severe social anxiety. Even  forums can lead to anxiety/panic attacks for me, which is why I'm a long-time lurker and don't often actually post. I dip my toe in occasionally when I'm in one of my better phases or feeling brave.

To be honest, I get a little intimidated by the post quality around here. So while I read this forum most days and follow discussion threads, I don't often feel that I have anything worthwhile or eloquent enough to contribute. I type out a lot of things that never get posted.

Just thought I'd take the opportunity to explain this while you're all talking about it.

Thank you for posting this, Tiger. We sometimes talk about how to get "lurkers" to join in more. Maybe we need to recognize that not everyone feels comfortable and confident in every setting. That said, I do hope you know we welcome anything you have to say. It's just us.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saraband on August 19, 2015, 01:18:18 AM
Wow, this thread is becoming more and more inspiring. I feel like joining in, seeing as there are so many others here facing anxiety issues.

I too have been very anxious since my teen years, and have noticed that the problem has been getting worse as time goes by (I'm relieved to see that I'm not the only one in this regard). On the other side, I've always been an extremely rational guy, the result being that my anxiety still gets the better of my emotions, but that I'm pretty sure I understand exactly where it comes from.

I had weight issues since the age of 6. I was always the fattest kid in my class, and I was lucky enough to never suffer any bullying because of it (thanks to a sharp tongue and a permanent self deprecating humour), but I suffered a lot. The problem continued all the way to my 20th birthday, at which point I made a definite decision to change my life. I turned everything upside down, became a vegetarian, and started jogging almost every day. I weighed more than a hundred kilos back then, and in the following 8 months saw my weight decrease by 40 kgs, so I lost practically half of my volume.

Life became much better, and for a time my anxiety almost disappeared. I went out with friends very often, was excited to meet new people, etc. My better half came into my life at that time and it turned everything even better, which I thought was impossible.

However, my anxiety started creeping in other parts of my life. Not knowing what to do after finishing university, the certainty that I would go into unemployment, having to leave Lisbon (and my friends) and go back to my family in southern Portugal. I also became less physically active, having put on some weight again (although nothing much, really, but it still annoys me), and now I have a job which I really hate (waiter at a restaurant) because I have to face so many of the things that cause anxiety in the first place, like making small talk with strangers, making phone calls, having to talk to people.

How this does all affect me, exactly? Well, I never want to leave the house except when I really have to, I don't want to meet with anyone, go anywhere, or do pretty much anything but staying home with my computer, books and better half (which is annoying, because he, on the other hand, hates staying at home all the time).

On top of all this, I have now the added pressure of being about to leave Portugal and go to Scotland, with all the fears that are bound to come with such an abrupt change.


So, the point of all this? I don't know. But it feels good to know that we are not alone, and it's actually cute that so many of us around here have not only things in common in regards to our tastes in literature, but also to the troubles and challenges that we all face. It is often said that Fantasy and SF are the best genres at offering a form of escapism, and so it is natural for such a crowd to gather in this safe place.

And it's fine. And it's fine not to be okay. And it's fine to appreciate life for 99% of the time, and once in a while, tell it to fuck off because we're tired of pretending to be strong all the time. We all feel lonely, sad, lost and insecure at some point. And that's good, because it still means we feel something, and that we can grow from it.

At least that's what I try to remember :)

(Damn, it feels nice to share!  :D )
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Doctor_Chill on August 19, 2015, 01:48:58 AM
I find it so inspiring that we have a community that supports each other through thick and thin, even if we're miles/kilometers apart. You guys and gals are the best. I'm not the best at being poignant, but yeah, I think this thread exemplifies what it means to be a part of Fantasy-Faction.

Back to lurking.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Hedin on August 19, 2015, 04:31:52 AM
What if you don't understand my accent....

Not that you are saying this is a major issue for you but it that has been a major issue for me my whole life.  I have an accent which has been described to me as a Southern New Yorker accent, which doesn't quite fit as I have spent my whole life living in Indiana.  The accent issue is compounded when I speak too fast, which like most people happens when I get nervous, and at times can make me hard to understand. I tell myself, and at this point I have no idea if this is true or just something I made up to explain it, that when I was little I used to read aloud and my eyes would be so far ahead of my mouth (which happens today) that I kept trying to speed up my speech to catch up.  It definitely has had an impact on my life.  I tend to be a quieter, more observant person because I was always terrified of joining the conversation and having to speak.  It definitely made me more self-conscious when I was dating before I met my wife and I think it may have cost me a few jobs I interviewed for, not because of the speech but because I didn't want to speak more than I had to and didn't elaborate enough in my interviews.  My friends have said they have to learn Kraigspeak for the times I do start speaking too fast.  There are times where my wife has issues understanding when I get agitated and part of me worries that my daughter and any other kids will start picking up on my habits as they grow up and have the same issues.

As I have gotten older I have slowly learned to deal with the issue.  I have to consciously tell myself to slow down and enunciate whenever I am speaking with someone.  With my friends and family I can relax and slip a little bit, but when I am in a work related environment I have to constantly remind myself to slow down.  I remember I had to give a presentation at a client last summer in an auditorium with about 75-100 people.  I hate speaking in front of people, partly because of my accent and partly because speaking in front of other people sucks, but I was so neervous giving that presentation that I had to change my undershirt the minute I was able to get to back out to my car. 

At this point I have gotten past my fear of my speech and have learned to deal with it the best I can but its always something that is sitting in the back of my mind.  I have stopped trying to hide it because it is part of who I am for better or worse.  And really if this is the worst I have to deal with then I count myself as a very lucky person.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on August 19, 2015, 08:34:25 AM
Wow! I'm so glad others have shared their anxiety issues - I can completely relate to you all.

I didn't realise so many have us got various stuff going on this is quite selfish but I'm glad I'm not alone in the way I feel/interact with people.

I want to meet you guys at the grim gathering but I'm scared. What if you don't understand my accent,what if I run out of things to say,what if noone talks to me.etc

Is it a British accent you have Eclipse? Many of my friends from my time at university have 'Doric' accents - the tongue of Aberdeenshire. It is almost another language, and lots of them speak very, very fast. And I know some will try to temper their's when around other people. So I do get what it can be like having a thick accent, but I think with the variety of accents in the UK, most British people are used to acclimatising to new accents. And is it possible to run out of things to say about Malazan?  :D

@Idlewilder (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=13358) I've had anxiety since I was quite young and I too find it gets worse every year. Phone calls, meeting people, even getting together with very old and dear friends gets me on edge, phone calls being one of the worst. It takes me weeks to gather up the courage to ring a doctor when something's wrong, and once I manage to do that, it's a whole other mission to actually get myself to the doctor's appointment. If I do manage to get to the appointment and there's a follow up, it's the same drama all over again. The worst part is that knowing this makes ringing them and booking the appointment even worse. I also get my moments of panic whenever my phone rings and it takes me ages to answer while I stare at it trying organise my thoughts to figure out what the person ringing wants. :D

Phone calls are the worst. I sometimes get calls from just 'External' on my work phone, and will just stare at it deciding whether to pick it up - and what makes it worse is my worst fears do come true in this job, as I once picked up the phone (stupid!) and found myself on a speakerphone conference call with a roomful of FRENCH business executives.  :o

@Saraband (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32607) (I'm not going to quote your post hehe) - it's amazing to me, that we could come from such different countries and yet have an almost identical experience growing up. I'm still in the fattest kid mode, tbh, though I'm trying to lose the weight. And although I wasn't a waiter, I did somehow find myself in a supermarket going from lowly grunt to manager in the space of a year, piling on the stress and responsibilities in what was a horrendous and soul-sucking job. Now I just have a boring job, which I have to constantly remind myself is much, much better. Where in Scotland are you moving to?  :)

Thanks so much for sharing, guys, I found the act of writing out my thoughts very cathartic & now reading your responses makes it even better. We are not alone.  :D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saurus on August 19, 2015, 09:16:42 AM
@Idlewilder (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=13358) I've had anxiety since I was quite young and I too find it gets worse every year. Phone calls, meeting people, even getting together with very old and dear friends gets me on edge, phone calls being one of the worst. It takes me weeks to gather up the courage to ring a doctor when something's wrong, and once I manage to do that, it's a whole other mission to actually get myself to the doctor's appointment. If I do manage to get to the appointment and there's a follow up, it's the same drama all over again. The worst part is that knowing this makes ringing them and booking the appointment even worse. I also get my moments of panic whenever my phone rings and it takes me ages to answer while I stare at it trying organise my thoughts to figure out what the person ringing wants. :D

Phone calls are the worst. I sometimes get calls from just 'External' on my work phone, and will just stare at it deciding whether to pick it up - and what makes it worse is my worst fears do come true in this job, as I once picked up the phone (stupid!) and found myself on a speakerphone conference call with a roomful of FRENCH business executives.  :o

@Saraband (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32607) (I'm not going to quote your post hehe) - it's amazing to me, that we could come from such different countries and yet have an almost identical experience growing up. I'm still in the fattest kid mode, tbh, though I'm trying to lose the weight. And although I wasn't a waiter, I did somehow find myself in a supermarket going from lowly grunt to manager in the space of a year, piling on the stress and responsibilities in what was a horrendous and soul-sucking job. Now I just have a boring job, which I have to constantly remind myself is much, much better. Where in Scotland are you moving to?  :)

Thanks so much for sharing, guys, I found the act of writing out my thoughts very cathartic & now reading your responses makes it even better. We are not alone.  :D

On one hand though, I used to never pick up the phone. Never. So that's something I've improved on, I guess. :D

I find that while in many ways my anxiety keeps getting worse and I find myself more and more home-bound, I also live a much more stress-free life because I have a most supportive partner in @Raptori (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=38840) :) I feel very lucky to have stumbled upon him, and quite frankly am amazed he's stuck around for so long... :o

Thanks everyone for sharing, it really is nice to know you're not alone in struggling with what some would call everyday stuff. ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on August 19, 2015, 09:18:08 AM
@Idlewilder (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=13358) I've had anxiety since I was quite young and I too find it gets worse every year. Phone calls, meeting people, even getting together with very old and dear friends gets me on edge, phone calls being one of the worst. It takes me weeks to gather up the courage to ring a doctor when something's wrong, and once I manage to do that, it's a whole other mission to actually get myself to the doctor's appointment. If I do manage to get to the appointment and there's a follow up, it's the same drama all over again. The worst part is that knowing this makes ringing them and booking the appointment even worse. I also get my moments of panic whenever my phone rings and it takes me ages to answer while I stare at it trying organise my thoughts to figure out what the person ringing wants. :D

Phone calls are the worst. I sometimes get calls from just 'External' on my work phone, and will just stare at it deciding whether to pick it up - and what makes it worse is my worst fears do come true in this job, as I once picked up the phone (stupid!) and found myself on a speakerphone conference call with a roomful of FRENCH business executives.  :o

@Saraband (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32607) (I'm not going to quote your post hehe) - it's amazing to me, that we could come from such different countries and yet have an almost identical experience growing up. I'm still in the fattest kid mode, tbh, though I'm trying to lose the weight. And although I wasn't a waiter, I did somehow find myself in a supermarket going from lowly grunt to manager in the space of a year, piling on the stress and responsibilities in what was a horrendous and soul-sucking job. Now I just have a boring job, which I have to constantly remind myself is much, much better. Where in Scotland are you moving to?  :)

Thanks so much for sharing, guys, I found the act of writing out my thoughts very cathartic & now reading your responses makes it even better. We are not alone.  :D

On one hand though, I used to never pick up the phone. Never. So that's something I've improved on, I guess. :D

I find that while in many ways my anxiety keeps getting worse and I find myself more and more home-bound, I also live a much more stress-free life because I have a most supportive partner in @Raptori (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=38840) :) I feel very lucky to have stumbled upon him, and quite frankly am amazed he's stuck around for so long... :o

Thanks everyone for sharing, it really is nice to know you're not alone in struggling with what some would call everyday stuff. ;)
Oh pshh. You ain't getting rid of me. (http://forum.yowindow.com/images/smilies/kolobok_wink.gif)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: TigerBright on August 19, 2015, 09:33:57 AM
I can really relate to the phone calls thing, I have to build myself up to make them and write down what I want to say beforehand. (I sometimes do this for doctors appointments too) I stumble through most incoming ones and just beat myself up about all the stupid things I said later, but I can't answer calls from numbers I don't recognise at all, there's no preparing yourself when you don't know what the conversation will be about or who with.

I also completely get what Idlewilder said about anxiety even after the stressful event is over. I have a massive tendency to flagelate myself with all the things I said wrong or how stupid I must have sounded afterwards.

I'm obviously still struggling a lot so don't have much to say about how to get better, but I do have some ways of managing it. I have an app on my phone called "what's up" that's quite helpful. It has some good advice on how to counter anxious thoughts, and calming/grounding exercises for when you're at crisis point. And mindfulness/meditation seems to help a lot too. Habit and routine are definitely my friends, and small achievable goals. For me at least, feeling in control of things makes me feel less anxious.

It's not for everyone, but my most successful recovery was when I was medicated.

What a lovely thread,  it's nice to see you all supporting eachother.

I have quite severe social anxiety. Even  forums can lead to anxiety/panic attacks for me, which is why I'm a long-time lurker and don't often actually post. I dip my toe in occasionally when I'm in one of my better phases or feeling brave.

To be honest, I get a little intimidated by the post quality around here. So while I read this forum most days and follow discussion threads, I don't often feel that I have anything worthwhile or eloquent enough to contribute. I type out a lot of things that never get posted.

Just thought I'd take the opportunity to explain this while you're all talking about it.

Thank you for posting this, Tiger. We sometimes talk about how to get "lurkers" to join in more. Maybe we need to recognize that not everyone feels comfortable and confident in every setting. That said, I do hope you know we welcome anything you have to say. It's just us.

Well in my case at least it's not you, it's me. ;) My anxiety is a big factor, and also having two young children (a 2 month old and 3 year old) means I don't always have much time to post.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saraband on August 19, 2015, 09:38:52 AM
Where in Scotland are you moving to?  :)

Everything is still open. I'd prefer Edinburgh, to be able to continue an academic career, but I wouldn't mind moving to a smaller place. Also, Roger is a dentist, and Scotland needs them most in other places besides Edinburgh and Glasgow, so we'll see :)


I find that while in many ways my anxiety keeps getting worse and I find myself more and more home-bound, I also live a much more stress-free life because I have a most supportive partner in @Raptori (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=38840) :) I feel very lucky to have stumbled upon him, and quite frankly am amazed he's stuck around for so long... :o

Yes, having a supportive partner makes a hell of a difference. This is the one aspect of my life where I feel extremely safe, a sort of pillow to fall back on when things around me don't go so well.  :)

Funny how many of us dread phone calls. It's really strange - how would our anxieties manifest in the past, without phones and all that?  :P
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on August 19, 2015, 09:52:36 AM
I also completely get what Idlewilder said about anxiety even after the stressful event is over. I have a massive tendency to flagelate myself with all the things I said wrong or how stupid I must have sounded afterwards.


This is possibly the worst thing, as it's the vicious cycle. Logically I know that the other person doesn't notice the insecurities you have and that it's only going on in my own brain. After all, how often would you pick up on someone else's insecurities in the same conversation? Probably never. But I dunno, it's like I overthink every little interaction in hindsight, and that's probably what makes it get worse the more I do it. Gah.

Where in Scotland are you moving to?  :)

Everything is still open. I'd prefer Edinburgh, to be able to continue an academic career, but I wouldn't mind moving to a smaller place. Also, Roger is a dentist, and Scotland needs them most in other places besides Edinburgh and Glasgow, so we'll see :)

Ah everyone loves Edinburgh.  ;)  But Glasgow is my favourite city in Scotland by a long stretch - it's just way more modern, the people are friendlier and it's the real cultural hub of the country now.

Have you looked at Perth? It is a much smaller city, but really close to everywhere else - a quick drive into the Highlands, over to the West Coast, or to Edinburgh and Glasgow.
Title: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: xiagan on August 19, 2015, 10:00:35 AM
Wow. I think it is normal to have some (anxiety) issues and people who don't look it are just better at hiding it. ;)

I have a similar problem as @hedin, talking too fast (maybe because I'm reading so fast) and not loud enough.
If you're sitting at the other side of the table talking to somebody else and I'm saying your name to get your attention, it's likely I have to do this 3 or 4 times before you notice. Which makes me feel self conscious and stupid.

And I never know what to say smalltalk wise.

Little things in comparison to some of your problems of course. Just wanted to let you know that I can relate too.
Title: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: TigerBright on August 19, 2015, 10:03:57 AM
Oh, I dread to think!

No phones and no postal service. Imagine you have a friend overseas. After a lot of crossing out and worrying over wording, you write them a letter.

Then you have to go outside and talk to people, to find someone who's going their way to deliver it for you.

You wait weeks for a reply, angsting over everything you've said and how stupid you must have sounded.

Another week passes. A reply isn't coming. Your friend must hate you. That was the worst letter ever. You're an awful, boring person.

Next week, a knock. You manage to open the door rather than hide pretending not to be home. It's a man with a letter for you. It's from your friend.

Now you need to reply. Cue more weeks of mental anguish.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saurus on August 19, 2015, 10:04:32 AM
I also completely get what Idlewilder said about anxiety even after the stressful event is over. I have a massive tendency to flagelate myself with all the things I said wrong or how stupid I must have sounded afterwards.


This is possibly the worst thing, as it's the vicious cycle. Logically I know that the other person doesn't notice the insecurities you have and that it's only going on in my own brain. After all, how often would you pick up on someone else's insecurities in the same conversation? Probably never. But I dunno, it's like I overthink every little interaction in hindsight, and that's probably what makes it get worse the more I do it. Gah.



Sometimes I replay situations in my head YEARS after they happened because I felt so awkward or wish that I'd said something. Especially in confrontational situations I tend to panic and my mind just goes blank, and of course afterwards I remember every detail and want to punch myself for not speaking all the responses now available in my calm and (somewhat) rational brain ;)

Wow. I think it is normal to have some (anxiety) issues and people who don't look it are just better at hiding it. ;)

I have a similar problem as @Hedin (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32543), talking too fast (maybe because I'm reading so fast) and not loud enough.
If you're sitting at the other side of the table talking to somebody else and I'm saying your name to get your attention, it's likely I have to do this 3 or 4 times before you notice. Which makes me feel self conscious and stupid.

And I never know what to say smalltalk wise.

Little things in comparison to some of your problems of course. Just wanted to let you know that I can relate too.

People are always telling me I'm too quiet! It's so baffling because I swear I'm speaking at normal volume or even loudly, yet people just can't hear me sometimes! I particularly remember some 10 years ago when I had just started working at McDonald's and I had to shout out to the kitchen whenever I took something out of the 'bin' (the hot cabinet where the burgers are kept), and I swear I really did shout when ever I took something, but they kept telling me they can't hear me O.O
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on August 19, 2015, 10:11:20 AM
10 years ago
(http://www.zsoc.com/images/smilies/zsoc/serious.gif)

The number of times when I'm in a different room and just notice some kind of tiny squeaking noise, as if someone a few hundred meters away is shouting, and it turns out you've been 'calling' me for ten minutes. Sauruses are very quiet creatures.  :P
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on August 19, 2015, 10:15:21 AM
Oh, I dread to think!

No phones and no postal service. Imagine you have a friend overseas. After a lot of crossing out and worrying over wording, you write them a letter.

Then you have to go outside and talk to people, to find someone who's going their way to deliver it for you.

You wait weeks for a reply, angsting over everything you've said and how stupid you must have sounded.

Another week passes. A reply isn't coming. Your friend must hate you. That was the worst letter ever. You're an awful, boring person.

Next week, a knock. You manage to open the door rather than hide pretending not to be home. It's a man with a letter for you. It's from your friend.

Now you need to reply. Cue more weeks of mental anguish. 'Hello', they say.


^
Fixed that for you.  ;D

Sometimes I replay situations in my head YEARS after they happened because I felt so awkward or wish that I'd said something. Especially in confrontational situations I tend to panic and my mind just goes blank, and of course afterwards I remember every detail and want to punch myself for not speaking all the responses now available in my calm and (somewhat) rational brain ;)

Yup, I do this all the time. The sad thing is I'm probably not all that bad 'in the moment' as I think I am - I think I'm mostly pretty calm and friendly with everyone, but sometimes it just feels like I can have a brain-fluster and everything goes wrong. I'm not an easy smiler necessarily, which can be off-putting to a LOT of people - and I can see it in their body language, and just the way they will interact with me afterwards changes as they realise I'm a 'miserable sod'. I'm actually not. But I always think of it like, if I'm smiling then you know it's genuine...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saurus on August 19, 2015, 10:50:56 AM
Yup, I do this all the time. The sad thing is I'm probably not all that bad 'in the moment' as I think I am - I think I'm mostly pretty calm and friendly with everyone, but sometimes it just feels like I can have a brain-fluster and everything goes wrong. I'm not an easy smiler necessarily, which can be off-putting to a LOT of people - and I can see it in their body language, and just the way they will interact with me afterwards changes as they realise I'm a 'miserable sod'. I'm actually not. But I always think of it like, if I'm smiling then you know it's genuine...

I just automatically smile at people, I can't help it. I think I'm a very submissive kind of person, and when dealing with people in real life I automatically go into this people pleasing mode... I'm like that puppy who won't stop wagging his tail and rolling over because he wants to let you know he's not a threat and just wants to be friends. It's doubly ridiculous because I really don't like people in general.

It probably traces back to my crazy narcissist father, whom I've luckily now cut off from my life, but who used to have immense control over me even though I had never been close to him or spent that much time with him. He would also be the reason I'm so afraid of confrontation, and I completely freeze up in such situations.

It's ridiculous really, and makes me feel out of control and pathetic, but so far I haven't managed to over-ride these confrontation-panic and smiley people-pleasing modes, lol. The people pleasing mode is what made me an excellent customer servant, but as it completely drains me and leaves me exhausted, it is also what drove me into a complete melt down in all my customer service jobs.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on August 19, 2015, 05:36:10 PM
Thank you for the all reply s, I've got a black country accent for all those interested. I know what my mind is doing it's  making excuses up not to interact with people.

I also hate the phone but only with strangers in okay with people I know
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on August 19, 2015, 06:03:28 PM
Thank you for the all reply s, I've got a black country accent for all those interested. I know what my mind is doing it's  making excuses up not to interact with people.

I also hate the phone but only with strangers in okay with people I know
I guess it'll depend on how strong your accent is and how quickly you speak then! Makes me think of this:


[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=Cun-LZvOTdw[/youtube]
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on August 19, 2015, 06:14:40 PM
ohmygawd, what *is* this movie? ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on August 19, 2015, 06:20:41 PM
ohmygawd, what *is* this movie? ;D ;D ;D

Hot Fuzz - one of my favourites!  :D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on August 19, 2015, 06:21:24 PM
Yeah, Hot Fuzz. Absolute classic.  ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: TigerBright on August 19, 2015, 06:35:15 PM
I need to watch Hot Fuzz. Saw Shaun of the Dead years ago and just watched World's End with my husband the other night. :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on August 19, 2015, 06:53:25 PM
I need to watch Hot Fuzz. Saw Shaun of the Dead years ago and just watched World's End with my husband the other night. :)
Definitely, Hot Fuzz is the best of the lot imo.  :D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on August 20, 2015, 12:40:41 PM
I think people at work are getting back to the old 'normal' high-demanding position, and I'm having a hard time trying to comply :-\

In the beginning everyone was very understanding... but I'm afraid 4 months is a long time in the business world, and because I look much better on the outside, they think I'm now ok.
And I don't feel anything close to ok - better, yes, but not ok. My brain is still broken inside.

I've been trying hard to do everything, but that means I might be going back in my recovery, feel slightly more fragile again. I need to make a stand again, talk to people. And that is upsetting, because I feel I'll be complaining again.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on August 20, 2015, 01:24:30 PM
I think people at work are getting back to the old 'normal' high-demanding position, and I'm having a hard time trying to comply :-\

In the beginning everyone was very understanding... but I'm afraid 4 months is a long time in the business world, and because I look much better on the outside, they think I'm now ok.
And I don't feel anything close to ok - better, yes, but not ok. My brain is still broken inside.

I've been trying hard to do everything, but that means I might be going back in my recovery, feel slightly more fragile again. I need to make a stand again, talk to people. And that is upsetting, because I feel I'll be complaining again.

Wow, that's really a tough situation. Looking at it from their POV, you can understand where they are in this. But it doesn't really help you. You have to worry about your health, and that's not always their first concern.

Is there any resource available through work (an external counselor, coach, etc.) to help you work through how to approach? No need to reply here, but just putting it out there.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on August 20, 2015, 01:54:05 PM
I think people at work are getting back to the old 'normal' high-demanding position, and I'm having a hard time trying to comply :-\

In the beginning everyone was very understanding... but I'm afraid 4 months is a long time in the business world, and because I look much better on the outside, they think I'm now ok.
And I don't feel anything close to ok - better, yes, but not ok. My brain is still broken inside.

I've been trying hard to do everything, but that means I might be going back in my recovery, feel slightly more fragile again. I need to make a stand again, talk to people. And that is upsetting, because I feel I'll be complaining again.

Wow, that's really a tough situation. Looking at it from their POV, you can understand where they are in this. But it doesn't really help you. You have to worry about your health, and that's not always their first concern.

Is there any resource available through work (an external counselor, coach, etc.) to help you work through how to approach? No need to reply here, but just putting it out there.

ditto.

and, this may sound harsh coming from super-excited, always-happy me, but fuck what they think -- they don't matter.  you can even tell them i said so.

none of us care what they think, we only care about how you feel.  you rock, so please take care of yourself first and foremost.

xoxo!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: wakarimasen on August 20, 2015, 03:26:46 PM
People often have a hard time dealing with anything to do with mental distress. The stigma and taboo of the subject are one of the reasons this thread has come about, as we all make an effort to overcome said problems (ably assisted by a healthy screen of anonymity)

It's possible people in your workplace @ScarlettBea are falling prey to the "don't treat her any different" method of dealing with it. Not wanting to draw attention to the problem. There should be channels through your H.R. system to request that your responsibilities are changed whilst you adjust to your ongoing treatment.

It's not skiving or copping out. It's basic Health & Welfare - you will work better and recover quicker if they engage  in the process.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on August 20, 2015, 06:11:19 PM
Thanks guys *hugs*

After I wrote that post, I had a big big meltdown, and my friend/colleague drove me home, where I slept deeply for 2 hours - then felt better and worked some more. Tomorrow I'm working from home too.

Waka, I think you've got it right when you say they are "falling prey to the "don't treat her any different" method of dealing with it" - while most of the time I appreciate it, they have to realise that it's not a 'out of sight, out of mind' situation...

Tomorrow I've got a 1-1 meeting with my direct manager, I'll talk with him (he should (?) know how it is because he told me his wife also suffers from it), but not sure if he's getting pressure from above (this is me imagining things).
My indirect manager, the one with whom I spend most of my time, is travelling and back next week. I will need some help on how to talk with him, and as you mentioned, I think I might go to my HR person and ask (from the times I've talked with him about this he's been super and a great manager, but I think he feels out of his depth in this case).

Part of me wants to have time to get better, but also part of me feels I'm letting them down and they have 'put up with it' for long enough. Which is completely silly, not only from the health point of view, but also because apart from 1 or 2 things that got delegated, I've been doing absolutely everything correctly and on time.
I think if I had a 'proper team' on whom I could delegate it would be easier, but the time I'd spend training others to do stuff, it'd be quicker to do them myself...

(gosh, this is me really pouring my heart out, ignoring that this forum is open to people. If one day people I know find out my username, I'm completely exposed hehe)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 20, 2015, 10:16:28 PM
When I get sick and can't show up for work I too get this somewhat guilty feeling that I'm letting people down, but it's bullshit. Nobody asks to get sick and recovering simply takes time.

You just do what you need to get better.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on August 20, 2015, 10:23:04 PM
When I get sick and can't show up for work I too get this somewhat guilty feeling that I'm letting people down, but it's bullshit.

You know what? I think that is probably - for me - the king of all horrors: having to call in sick to work. I think it probably stems from my last job, where I (over the course of 7 years) had to call in a handful of times - once for having the flu, another I had gastric flu, another I tore a ligament in my leg - and every time they told me I should come in or I'd get a disciplinary. And they did actually follow through on this when I didn't go in. That place was a hellhole and the management the worst specimens of humanity I've ever come across. 

Luckily my job now are way more understanding and easy to deal with, but that anxiety of having to call-in is still usually enough to make me want to throw up.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saurus on August 20, 2015, 11:03:06 PM
When I get sick and can't show up for work I too get this somewhat guilty feeling that I'm letting people down, but it's bullshit.

You know what? I think that is probably - for me - the king of all horrors: having to call in sick to work. I think it probably stems from my last job, where I (over the course of 7 years) had to call in a handful of times - once for having the flu, another I had gastric flu, another I tore a ligament in my leg - and every time they told me I should come in or I'd get a disciplinary. And they did actually follow through on this when I didn't go in. That place was a hellhole and the management the worst specimens of humanity I've ever come across. 

Luckily my job now are way more understanding and easy to deal with, but that anxiety of having to call-in is still usually enough to make me want to throw up.

A few years ago I got the swine flu. The first two weeks were so bad I couldn't leave the bed - had to be almost carried to the toilet etc - I have never before or since been so sick in my entire life. After that it sort of turned into something resembling a normal flu; still bad enough that you shouldn't really go to work or even get out of bed, but much, much easier to deal with (I stopped thinking I was actually dying :P ).

I had gotten a two week (non paid!!) sick leave when my illness started, but now my manager demanded that I return to work. I went to work, and my supervisor took one look at me and sent me home.* The same happened the next day. Despite my supervisor telling the manager I had been in no condition to work, he gave me a disciplinary and docked my pay. I tried to resolve this first with him and eventually with the main office, but in the end gave up. The whole fiasco finally pushed me over the edge; I'd been miserable in the job for a long time, but that's when I had a complete meltdown and never went back. I wrote a resignation letter and Raptori was kind enough to take it to them.

* Probably worth mentioning that I was working at a supermarket, and mostly on the tills in a town full of OAPs - not really the kind of job you want a contagious person to be doing, is it?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on August 20, 2015, 11:24:25 PM
* Probably worth mentioning that I was working at a supermarket, and mostly on the tills in a town full of OAPs - not really the kind of job you want a contagious person to be doing, is it?

Ah, well, yes. Supermarkets...not exactly the best place for a friendly and stress-free work environment. 7 years I wasted in one.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on August 20, 2015, 11:26:48 PM
When I get sick and can't show up for work I too get this somewhat guilty feeling that I'm letting people down, but it's bullshit.

You know what? I think that is probably - for me - the king of all horrors: having to call in sick to work. I think it probably stems from my last job, where I (over the course of 7 years) had to call in a handful of times - once for having the flu, another I had gastric flu, another I tore a ligament in my leg - and every time they told me I should come in or I'd get a disciplinary. And they did actually follow through on this when I didn't go in. That place was a hellhole and the management the worst specimens of humanity I've ever come across. 

Luckily my job now are way more understanding and easy to deal with, but that anxiety of having to call-in is still usually enough to make me want to throw up.

A few years ago I got the swine flu. The first two weeks were so bad I couldn't leave the bed - had to be almost carried to the toilet etc - I have never before or since been so sick in my entire life. After that it sort of turned into something resembling a normal flu; still bad enough that you shouldn't really go to work or even get out of bed, but much, much easier to deal with (I stopped thinking I was actually dying :P ).

I had gotten a two week (non paid!!) sick leave when my illness started, but now my manager demanded that I return to work. I went to work, and my supervisor took one look at me and sent me home.* The same happened the next day. Despite my supervisor telling the manager I had been in no condition to work, he gave me a disciplinary and docked my pay. I tried to resolve this first with him and eventually with the main office, but in the end gave up. The whole fiasco finally pushed me over the edge; I'd been miserable in the job for a long time, but that's when I had a complete meltdown and never went back. I wrote a resignation letter and Raptori was kind enough to take it to them.

* Probably worth mentioning that I was working at a supermarket, and mostly on the tills in a town full of OAPs - not really the kind of job you want a contagious person to be doing, is it?
Clearly your manager had a dastardly plan to reduce the population in an attempt to reduce his workload. (http://www.zsoc.com/images/smilies/zsoc/serious.gif)


* Probably worth mentioning that I was working at a supermarket, and mostly on the tills in a town full of OAPs - not really the kind of job you want a contagious person to be doing, is it?

Ah, well, yes. Supermarkets...not exactly the best place for a friendly and stress-free work environment. 7 years I wasted in one.
Any customer service. I worked at a bar for a couple of years, was absolutely horrendous. (http://www.trekunited.com/community/public/style_emoticons/default/shudder.gif)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on August 20, 2015, 11:44:50 PM
Quote
Any customer service. I worked at a bar for a couple of years, was absolutely horrendous.

The sad thing is, 99% of the problems I had were with the people I worked with, not the customers.  :(
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on August 20, 2015, 11:47:14 PM
Quote
Any customer service. I worked at a bar for a couple of years, was absolutely horrendous.

The sad thing is, 99% of the problems I had were with the people I worked with, not the customers.  :(
Yeah that'd be horrible. I was lucky in that the other people on the bar were always really nice. Don't think there was a single one that I didn't get along with at least to some degree. The restaurant managers, on the other hand...  ???
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saurus on August 20, 2015, 11:49:58 PM
* Probably worth mentioning that I was working at a supermarket, and mostly on the tills in a town full of OAPs - not really the kind of job you want a contagious person to be doing, is it?

Ah, well, yes. Supermarkets...not exactly the best place for a friendly and stress-free work environment. 7 years I wasted in one.

Yup, supermarkets and restaurants are the worst. Even worse is that whole "people-pleasing" mode that I mentioned. I was always timid and and submissive, but it's when I started working at McDonald's at 16 that it got to a whole new level. I was an *excellent* customer servant, most certainly, always so cheery and polite, always smiling, no matter how crappy I felt inside. And I did feel crappy. I was turning into a borderline alcoholic before my first breakdown, yet I never stopped smiling. It was exhausting. Not just because that weird customer servant mode in itself is completely draining, but the treatment you get from entitled people who want a special burger without pickles but refuse to accept that it takes more than 5 minutes to prepare during a busy time.

I really think everyone should be required to work in a customer service job just so they would know what it's like.

(Sorry for my constant out pouring, I just haven't talked about this with anyone but Raptori really, and it's so bizarre to know there are people who'll understand!)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saurus on August 20, 2015, 11:51:54 PM
Quote
Any customer service. I worked at a bar for a couple of years, was absolutely horrendous.

The sad thing is, 99% of the problems I had were with the people I worked with, not the customers.  :(

I had very nice co-workers everywhere, but all my bosses were absolute arsewarts who for some unfathomable reason disliked me just because.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on August 20, 2015, 11:55:00 PM
Me, in 1981... pressure frying chicken at a fast food restaurant called Gino's. (Named for a local American football team player.)

> The cool guys worked the burger grill.
> I was slow, so I got the nasty, deep-cleaning jobs, while the other folks whizzed around me at close.
> Oil burns, chicken stuff and blood all over, shoes so gunked with flour and grease I could barely stop from slipping.

But the worst:

The supply of chicken parts was in 50 pound cardboard boxed stacked high in the walk-in freezer.
The chicken blood drained from the top to the bottm nd collected in a shallow, sheet metal tray about three feet long by a foot and a half wide.
So when you had to empty the tray in a huge sink in the back of a store, you had to carry the tray without spilling the liquid that was sloshing around.

Impossible to do it without getting a back-splash or a complete dousing.

But...

There was Mika. And she made it worthwhile to go into work just to gaze.

Except. I was not one of the cool guys.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on August 20, 2015, 11:57:42 PM
Quote
Any customer service. I worked at a bar for a couple of years, was absolutely horrendous.

The sad thing is, 99% of the problems I had were with the people I worked with, not the customers.  :(

I had very nice co-workers everywhere, but all my bosses were absolute arsewarts who for some unfathomable reason disliked me just because.

They disliked you because it is very difficult to like human beings when you are an arsewart. Arsewarts, to be fair, have a rather dank and miserable existence, right before the doctor prescribes some cream.  ;)

(Sorry for my constant out pouring, I just haven't talked about this with anyone but Raptori really, and it's so bizarre to know there are people who'll understand!)

Believe me, I understand. That place has totally shattered my self confidence, or at least whatever there was to begin with. I'm lucky that places like FF really have managed to help me start building it up again. This community - and the SFF community in general - is amazing.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on August 21, 2015, 12:03:09 AM
Quote
Any customer service. I worked at a bar for a couple of years, was absolutely horrendous.

The sad thing is, 99% of the problems I had were with the people I worked with, not the customers.  :(

I had very nice co-workers everywhere, but all my bosses were absolute arsewarts who for some unfathomable reason disliked me just because.
I love the mental image of @Saurus (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40290) as a tiny little shy girl, hiding amongst her magical hair, shouting "ARSEWARTS" at passers-by.  ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saurus on August 21, 2015, 12:08:41 AM
They disliked you because it is very difficult to like human beings when you are an arsewart. Arsewarts, to be fair, have a rather dank and miserable existence, right before the doctor prescribes some cream.  ;)

(http://cdni.wired.co.uk/1240x826/d_f/Fb%20like1.jpg)


Believe me, I understand. That place has totally shattered my self confidence, or at least whatever there was to begin with. I'm lucky that places like FF really have managed to help me start building it up again. This community - and the SFF community in general - is amazing.

I completely agree. Amazing.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on August 21, 2015, 02:13:08 PM
Update:
Direct manager super understanding, he already expected me to talk with him about this, after yesterday's quick message. Told me several times not to worry, to focus on getting better.
He also said that the other manager is also on board, they talked about me this week, and he's perfectly willing to talk through priorities with me.

I feel like a big weight has gone off my shoulders, hehe.

Feel a bit better today, also because I've been napping every couple of hours :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saraband on August 21, 2015, 03:06:34 PM
I feel like a big weight has gone off my shoulders, hehe.

I hope the relief helps you feel better Bea, your manager seems like a good guy  :)

Yup, supermarkets and restaurants are the worst. Even worse is that whole "people-pleasing" mode that I mentioned. I was always timid and and submissive, but it's when I started working at McDonald's at 16 that it got to a whole new level. I was an *excellent* customer servant, most certainly, always so cheery and polite, always smiling, no matter how crappy I felt inside. And I did feel crappy. I was turning into a borderline alcoholic before my first breakdown, yet I never stopped smiling. It was exhausting. Not just because that weird customer servant mode in itself is completely draining, but the treatment you get from entitled people who want a special burger without pickles but refuse to accept that it takes more than 5 minutes to prepare during a busy time.

I really think everyone should be required to work in a customer service job just so they would know what it's like.

Yes, I completely understand what you say @Saurus (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40290). People-pleasing is exhausting, but it is so important for a restaurant that it really sucks all of your energy. I work in a fairly small one, and it's owned by my family, but that adds a whole new layer of anxieties that you don't normally get: feeling completely stuck, because your family is counting on you, stressing about the restaurant's bills and profits, the pressure of knowing that the whole thing depends on you, and, at the end of the night, having to go home with my own boss (my mother, in this case).

But, as you said, I also think everyone should try a customer service job. I know I have learned a thing or two about fellow humans, that's for sure. And I now have become far more generous whenever I leave a tip, as I came to understand the importance of it to the waiters.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Hedin on August 21, 2015, 03:21:29 PM
When I get sick and can't show up for work I too get this somewhat guilty feeling that I'm letting people down, but it's bullshit.

You know what? I think that is probably - for me - the king of all horrors: having to call in sick to work. I think it probably stems from my last job, where I (over the course of 7 years) had to call in a handful of times - once for having the flu, another I had gastric flu, another I tore a ligament in my leg - and every time they told me I should come in or I'd get a disciplinary. And they did actually follow through on this when I didn't go in. That place was a hellhole and the management the worst specimens of humanity I've ever come across. 

Luckily my job now are way more understanding and easy to deal with, but that anxiety of having to call-in is still usually enough to make me want to throw up.

I don't feel guilty when I call in, I'm kind of a one-man department so I'm typically not holding up anything if I'm not in the office.  I hate calling in because I hate trying to catch up with all of the work I miss as a result.  When I go on vacation or when I travel for work I can plan for and manage (to a degree) for anything that comes up while I'm gone.  When I'm home sick (and I have to be like unable to drive to call in) I'm sitting there worrying about all of the stuff piling up while I'm gone.  Its not that I'm worried that the stuff piling up is super important that I'm missing, its more like I don't want to wade through it all when I get back plus have all of the regular daily stuff to work on too. 

Speaking of travel, today is the first today I haven't had to get on a plane all week.  From last Thursday to yesterday I was on 13 flights in 7 days.  Good news is that gave me a lot of time to read, bad news is that I'm freaking exhausted from traveling. 
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saurus on August 21, 2015, 03:27:59 PM

Yes, I completely understand what you say @Saurus (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40290). People-pleasing is exhausting, but it is so important for a restaurant that it really sucks all of your energy. I work in a fairly small one, and it's owned by my family, but that adds a whole new layer of anxieties that you don't normally get: feeling completely stuck, because your family is counting on you, stressing about the restaurant's bills and profits, the pressure of knowing that the whole thing depends on you, and, at the end of the night, having to go home with my own boss (my mother, in this case).

But, as you said, I also think everyone should try a customer service job. I know I have learned a thing or two about fellow humans, that's for sure. And I now have become far more generous whenever I leave a tip, as I came to understand the importance of it to the waiters.

Gah I can imagine; the horrible jobs that I had were just that, jobs. I could leave whenever I wanted, and each time I broke down I did just that. Obviously I still had to worry about income, and after leaving it was a bit scary for a while until I got a new job, but I could leave. And it pleased me greatly to hear that after I left everyone kept saying the place isn't the same, and a lot of long timers left very soon after me, which left my arsewart of a manager in a pretty awkward situation ;)

Also the fact that I hated my job and didn't really care about it must've helped with the stress. I still compulsively worked as hard and did everything as well as I could, but I didn't feel any outside pressure to do it well, it's just the way I worked. I can't even imagine the stress of having your family/co-workers depend on you in a job like that :(

But you're moving to Scotland, does the idea of not working in your family's restaurant make you happy? Sometimes I think @Raptori (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=38840) and I should've moved to Scotland instead ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on August 21, 2015, 03:34:22 PM
But you're moving to Scotland, does the idea of not working in your family's restaurant make you happy? Sometimes I think @Raptori (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=38840) and I should've moved to Scotland instead ;D

(http://i.imgur.com/QmgOhbA.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on August 21, 2015, 03:42:54 PM
But you're moving to Scotland, does the idea of not working in your family's restaurant make you happy? Sometimes I think @Raptori (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=38840) and I should've moved to Scotland instead ;D

(http://i.imgur.com/QmgOhbA.jpg)
(http://www.guitarforums.com/ChatRoom/images/smiles/emoticon_laughing.gif)

I love the tattiness of the sign, and that knight is awesome. I hope he's there every day.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on August 21, 2015, 04:01:06 PM
I keep staring at the reply button of this thread for extended periods of time, so I thought I should finally click it. I try to keep this somewhat coherent but I have a feeling I will fail. :)

First of all, you are all amazing for speaking (writing  ::) ) about these things so openly and showing your support to others. This truly is a great community!


I also am pretty anxious. It hasn't been diagnosed (maybe because I don't talk about it?) and I don't really have anxiety attacks per se, but it's there enough to complicate my life. I don't like certain social situation (like speaking with strangers or even some acquaintances. And DAMN those phone calls to strangers!). And when I'm interacting with someone I don't know, I feel very awkward most of the time. I stress and lose sleep over something I have said or done or over something I will have to do. Unlike what some others have said here, my anxiety hasn't really been getting worse, but it certainly hasn't been getting any better either. I have been trying to be more "open" and less quiet around people nowadays, and I know that people don't constantly think about how awkward I am, but sadly none of that changes how I feel. There's no off-switch for anxiety and low self-esteem.


To be honest, I get a little intimidated by the post quality around here. So while I read this forum most days and follow discussion threads, I don't often feel that I have anything worthwhile or eloquent enough to contribute. I type out a lot of things that never get posted.
This. I have written many replies that I didn't post. And even more often I remove the main point of my reply before posting it and crack a joke (or write something else mostly irrelevant) instead. (Humour really is my "safety net". So if you see me joking about something that isn't really a laughing matter, please remember I don't mean anything bad by it. :) ) Also as a non-native English speaker I am very worried/anxious about the grammar and wording and such of my posts, and many times even the shortest posts take me long time to write as I keep checking it and changing it and checking it again (and I still miss some errors  ;D ). But it's getting better, I think. So you can expect more post (maybe even serious ones) from me in the future.


As this thread was originally about depression, I feel I should say something about that too. I have felt very low at times in my life. Again, I can't say for certain if I was depressed or not as there was no diagnosis, but I assume it was real depression. Well, whatever it was, it was awful. It was pretty much like this image someone posted here (sorry, can't remember who  :-[ ):
http://i.imgur.com/dggn1vJ.jpg
 (http://i.imgur.com/dggn1vJ.jpg)Just add "I hate my life and myself" after every phrase and it's spot on. I think I got trapped to that sort of mental attitude because some health problems I was having and my low self-esteem put too many restrictions on my life. Or something like that... :-\
But I'm better now. And I would say that it's at least partly due to this place.  :)


So, to wrap things up... Hmm... I lost my train of thought...  ???
Well I guess what I meant to say was basically that you are all amazing.  ;D   Keep on posting here (or if it feels too public, I'm sure there are plenty of people here who won't mind receiving a PM from a distressed forum friend).

Oh, and most of all, keep getting better... if you feel like it.  ;)

Update:
Direct manager super understanding, he already expected me to talk with him about this, after yesterday's quick message. Told me several times not to worry, to focus on getting better.
He also said that the other manager is also on board, they talked about me this week, and he's perfectly willing to talk through priorities with me.

I feel like a big weight has gone off my shoulders, hehe.

Feel a bit better today, also because I've been napping every couple of hours :)
That's great! Good to know that you are feeling better. :)



(BTW, it took me about three hours to write this post.  ;D )
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on August 21, 2015, 04:12:41 PM
Quote
(BTW, it took me about three hours to write this post.  ;D )

Awesome for you to invest that time, AAV. All the more valuable to us.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on August 21, 2015, 04:36:21 PM
*virtual hugs to everyone*, and I'm sad they can't be real.

I never get any physical touch (except when I visit my parents, twice a year), and lately I've had friends hugging me when I'm crying and it does help.
I'm not sure if you have a 'hugger' nearby, but go get one if you can :-*


And AAV, do you honestly think that all we normally post is eloquent or contributes to the greater good? See our examples of goats ::) and start posting whatever you want: we love *any* type of post!
(and you were great at the RPG ;D)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on August 21, 2015, 06:48:17 PM
Quote
(BTW, it took me about three hours to write this post.  ;D )

Awesome for you to invest that time, AAV. All the more valuable to us.
Thanks, but I feel the Return On Investment might be a little too low in this case.  ;) ;D

And AAV, do you honestly think that all we normally post is eloquent or contributes to the greater good? See our examples of goats ::) and start posting whatever you want: we love *any* type of post!
Well, being eloquent and contributing isn't really the only problem.  I think the biggest problem I have with writing posts is that I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words. And that's not even caused by the language; I fumble with words even in Finnish.  ;D

(and you were great at the RPG ;D )
Don't know about that, but the RPG did encourage me to post more... on a whim, I suppose.
 
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saurus on August 21, 2015, 11:03:03 PM
Thanks, but I feel the Return On Investment might be a little too low in this case.  ;) ;D

Nonsense. That was a great post and I identified with a lot of what you said. :)

Well, being eloquent and contributing isn't really the only problem.  I think the biggest problem I have with writing posts is that I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words. And that's not even caused by the language; I fumble with words even in Finnish.  ;D

This, so much. I can't speak any language properly without my words and sentences occasionally turning into a nice pudding of gibberish. I do that thing where the first letters or syllables of two consecutive words get swapped, and the thing where you start saying one thing but halfway through change it to another, and you end up with words like bedchen (bedroom+kitchen) or brinner (breakfast + dinner). Those are lame examples, but I hope you get what I mean :D

@Raptori (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=38840) and I always get a good laugh out of my constant spoken typos. It has even sort of evolved into its own language; whenever a particularly funny "typo" emerges we keep using it to take the piss out of me, and eventually they just stick. I've even had moments where I have to think for the correct word for a moment because I'm so used to using the gibberish one!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: xiagan on August 22, 2015, 08:14:31 PM
(http://www.couldbeworse-comic.com/_2paneltales/_panels/115.png)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: SugoiMe on August 27, 2015, 04:30:51 AM

This, so much. I can't speak any language properly without my words and sentences occasionally turning into a nice pudding of gibberish. I do that thing where the first letters or syllables of two consecutive words get swapped, and the thing where you start saying one thing but halfway through change it to another, and you end up with words like bedchen (bedroom+kitchen) or brinner (breakfast + dinner). Those are lame examples, but I hope you get what I mean :D

@Raptori (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=38840) and I always get a good laugh out of my constant spoken typos. It has even sort of evolved into its own language; whenever a particularly funny "typo" emerges we keep using it to take the piss out of me, and eventually they just stick. I've even had moments where I have to think for the correct word for a moment because I'm so used to using the gibberish one!
English is my first language, and heck if I could speak it well! I mean, I'm very articulate, except when I get tongue tied, which happens every day. Since learning Japanese, I occasionally spit out some interesting pronunciations and Japanese English textbook phrases.

(http://www.couldbeworse-comic.com/_2paneltales/_panels/115.png)
This.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on August 27, 2015, 10:34:32 AM
10 years, hell. I still cringe over stealing money from Dad's bureau and pretending I found a fiver blowing down the street. Age 7. The start of a life of headshaking idiocies.   :-[
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: wakarimasen on September 07, 2015, 04:13:21 PM
Authory dude storify's some depression tweets. Not sure if its been added to this thread already, but hey ho...
A lot of this resonated with me
https://storify.com/sblackmoore/depression-is-a-motherfucker
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on September 07, 2015, 08:19:56 PM
Today I managed to get my GP to give me some sleeping pills. I got 7. I'll take half of one tonight, see the impact and if I manage some proper rest...

Funny thing: reading the leaflet on those pills, it says that it may cause sleepiness - well I very well hope so!!!

The 2 key hurdles at the moment are proper sleep and handling pressure - I feel like I was broken and put together again, but instead of strong glue, it was done with spit: a little force and I'm falling apart again. :-\
On the way up, though :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on September 07, 2015, 09:20:43 PM
Today I managed to get my GP to give me some sleeping pills. I got 7. I'll take half of one tonight, see the impact and if I manage some proper rest...

Funny thing: reading the leaflet on those pills, it says that it may cause sleepiness - well I very well hope so!!!

The 2 key hurdles at the moment are proper sleep and handling pressure - I feel like I was broken and put together again, but instead of strong glue, it was done with spit: a little force and I'm falling apart again. :-\
On the way up, though :)
That sucks.  :-\ Have you tried stuff like camomile tea? That kind of thing can be a really good way to help yourself relax, which can make sleeping a lot easier.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on September 08, 2015, 09:50:16 AM
I'll take half of one tonight, see the impact and if I manage some proper rest...
It worked! No waking up in the middle of the night and no feeling like I was running a marathon in my sleep :D
Tonight I'll have a 'no pill' day and see what happens.

Have you tried stuff like camomile tea? That kind of thing can be a really good way to help yourself relax, which can make sleeping a lot easier.
Thanks, but I don't have any problem falling asleep, it's the waking up in the middle of the night with brain going at 100 mph while body still wants to sleep that's awful. Getting up to make tea, wait for it to cool, etc, would defeat the purpose of a straight-forward night.
It's making me read more, though, hehe
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on September 08, 2015, 10:12:18 AM
Have you tried stuff like camomile tea? That kind of thing can be a really good way to help yourself relax, which can make sleeping a lot easier.
Thanks, but I don't have any problem falling asleep, it's the waking up in the middle of the night with brain going at 100 mph while body still wants to sleep that's awful. Getting up to make tea, wait for it to cool, etc, would defeat the purpose of a straight-forward night.
It's making me read more, though, hehe
Ahh right, that definitely sucks. Music can sometimes help with that, but really it depends. Hope it gets better for you!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on September 13, 2015, 11:37:39 AM
Big BIG milestone today (for me hehe)!

After almost 5 months, I went for a run this morning :D
It was about half the distance I normally do, and slower (2.7km, almost 19 min), but it felt like the big wall that was always in front of me has fallen.
I'd been looking out the window and thinking about doing it several times before, but I always cowered out... today I did it!

The evil monster will not defeat me :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on September 13, 2015, 11:41:26 AM
That is fantastic!
I'm so happy to hear this, SBea.

Your choices and effort are bringing the monster back under control. Even "better living through chemistry" is really about you choosing.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on September 13, 2015, 11:46:35 AM
Thanks!
Although it's rather a question of the chemistry/pills allowing me to be able to choose again.
I'm sure that's what you mean, but it's not that I actively chose not to do things before, but rather I was completely unable to do them (both the things and the decisions). The paralysis and freezing out weren't only physical, but mostly mental.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on September 13, 2015, 11:48:25 AM
That genuinely put a bit smile on my face. Congratulations. Getting through difficulties is a matter of endurance.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on September 13, 2015, 12:48:11 PM
That genuinely put a big smile on my face. Congratulations. Getting through difficulties is a matter of endurance.

EDIT: Damn typos. A BIG smile, not a bit smile.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on September 13, 2015, 01:08:01 PM
Thanks!
Although it's rather a question of the chemistry/pills allowing me to be able to choose again.
I'm sure that's what you mean, but it's not that I actively chose not to do things before, but rather I was completely unable to do them (both the things and the decisions). The paralysis and freezing out weren't only physical, but mostly mental.

No, I do mean that you chose the treatment path. That the pills then allow more choices is true, but follow's from that first choice. In the face of your body's problems, every part of the recovery is something you've done, not anyone or anything else.

Though, yeah, the existence of the tools is critical. Imagine the struggle before the meds had been invented.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on September 13, 2015, 01:08:07 PM
That genuinely put a big smile on my face. Congratulations. Getting through difficulties is a matter of endurance.

EDIT: Damn typos. A BIG smile, not a bit smile.
No worries, I guessed the right word ;D


No, I do mean that you chose the treatment path. That the pills then allow more choices is true, but follows from that first choice. In the face of your body's problems, every part of the recovery is something you've done, not anyone or anything else.
Oh, right, got it now. Yes.
It's funny, because you're not the first one to mention that first step, here on this thread and people I talk to. I'm trying to think back to the first time I had this - I think that when it became obvious that something was wrong and it wasn't just 'normal sadness', my parents took me to the doctor. It's just something you do: you're not ok, you go to the doctor, and all the times ever since I just automatically do the same.
It's sad that for so many people that's not the case :-\

Though, yeah, the existence of the tools is critical. Imagine the struggle before the meds had been invented.
People ended up in Bedlam/asylums, falling deeply and slowly into true madness :'(
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on September 13, 2015, 01:31:30 PM
Well done Bea!

my niece has now got four teeth and crawling round like a mad thing and yesterday she sort of stood up on those baby walker thingies when you lean on them, it was amazing. 
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on September 13, 2015, 01:48:51 PM
Nice one, Bea! Good to hear you're on the mend.  :)

I've had a bad few weeks, but I've been writing quite a lot this week and it feels good for the first time in a long time. I feel I might be onto something here (I've moved into a 1st-person POV for this novel which seems to be just working wonders on my productivity - thanks for the inspiration, Ms. Hobb  ;) ). I just hope I can keep up the motivation even after tedious, tiring and depressing days at work.  :-\
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on September 13, 2015, 04:07:03 PM
2.7km, almost 19 min

just for you, i'm going to do the math to figure out what that means in american.  see?  that's how much love we have for you!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on September 13, 2015, 05:14:49 PM
2.7km, almost 19 min

just for you, i'm going to do the math to figure out what that means in american.  see?  that's how much love we have for you!

If you truly loved us http://grammarist.com/spelling/math-maths/   ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on September 13, 2015, 05:48:36 PM
2.7km, almost 19 min

just for you, i'm going to do the math to figure out what that means in american.  see?  that's how much love we have for you!

If you truly loved us http://grammarist.com/spelling/math-maths/   ;D

aha!  that's why!

srsly.  forever now, i've been trying to figure out (in my head, not in the google) as to why folks used the word "maths".  i assumed they just wanted to sound smart.  now, i can just chalk it up alongside soccer, miles, fahrenheit, and suburban sprawl!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on September 13, 2015, 05:53:29 PM
It was really weird when I first came across someone saying math in a film so used to everyone here saying maths
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Doctor_Chill on September 13, 2015, 06:02:57 PM
It was really weird when I first came across someone saying math in a film so used to everyone here saying maths

I can deal with most English grammar changes, but "maths" drives me absolute bonkers.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on September 13, 2015, 06:08:16 PM
It was really weird when I first came across someone saying math in a film so used to everyone here saying maths

I can deal with most English grammar changes, but "maths" drives me absolute bonkers.
Err excuse me, I think you'll find that the American version of English is the grammar change.  >:( :P
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on September 13, 2015, 06:10:05 PM
It was really weird when I first came across someone saying math in a film so used to everyone here saying maths

I can deal with most English grammar changes, but "maths" drives me absolute bonkers.

Steady on have a cup of tea my fellow that will calm you down.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Justan Henner on September 13, 2015, 06:10:52 PM
It was really weird when I first came across someone saying math in a film so used to everyone here saying maths

I can deal with most English grammar changes, but "maths" drives me absolute bonkers.

Me too. I think it's because it reminds me of that really irritating thing of when actors are pretending to be children and they add s to everything.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Doctor_Chill on September 13, 2015, 06:19:59 PM
It was really weird when I first came across someone saying math in a film so used to everyone here saying maths

I can deal with most English grammar changes, but "maths" drives me absolute bonkers.
Err excuse me, I think you'll find that the American version of English is the grammar change.  >:( :P

Ah, but is not what comes before changed because it is bad in the eyes of modernity? We do not speak Ye Olde English because it is out of date.

Same with British English. ;)

EDIT: But on that note, I'm looking at the differences between BE v. AmE, and evidently we Americans don't use "-ogue" such as monologue or dialogue. We spell it monolog or dialog. Something I can agree with the Brits on here.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on September 13, 2015, 06:29:08 PM
It was really weird when I first came across someone saying math in a film so used to everyone here saying maths

I can deal with most English grammar changes, but "maths" drives me absolute bonkers.
Err excuse me, I think you'll find that the American version of English is the grammar change.  >:( :P

Ah, but is not what comes before changed because it is bad in the eyes of modernity? We do not speak Ye Olde English because it is out of date.

Same with British English. ;)

EDIT: But on that note, I'm looking at the differences between BE v. AmE, and evidently we Americans don't use "-ogue" such as monologue or dialogue. We spell it monolog or dialog. Something I can agree with the Brits on here.
For most people, tradition holds more weight than it should imo. However, in the case of grammar and spelling, I'm definitely in favour of being conservative - though to be honest I'd still prefer logic over tradition - because it's a case where the intention is for people to understand each other. If people keep changing the way they spell words then over time things get more and more confusing.  :P
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on September 13, 2015, 07:19:31 PM
Awwww you do know how to cheer up a girl: spelling and grammar discussions :D :D ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Doctor_Chill on September 17, 2015, 07:30:24 PM
Stumbled upon this gem today and thought I might share:

"It's important to remember that when you're depressed you have to nurse yourself and be extra gentle toward yourself. Just like an athlete wouldn't break an ankle and then force themselves to run on that ankle. They rest as it heals and do not think, 'I am a failed athlete.' They think, 'Right now something isn't working so I'll take care of myself until it does.'

Just like a broken bone, depression can change the way your daily life plays out, and pushing yourself too hard and getting frustrated when you don't feel better is just like trying to run on that broken ankle and getting frustrated when it doesn't heal."

Thought this bit of wisdom might help somebody hopefully. :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on September 17, 2015, 08:10:39 PM
I like that a lot.
It applies to so many things in life.

"I am not a failure; I am not now what I will be."
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on October 05, 2015, 01:56:09 PM
http://qz.com/511920/a-tumor-stole-every-memory-i-had-this-is-what-happened-when-it-all-came-back/ (http://qz.com/511920/a-tumor-stole-every-memory-i-had-this-is-what-happened-when-it-all-came-back/)

Not about depression, but about how our fragile bodies can totally screw us up.
Just thought folks might find this an interesting read.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on October 05, 2015, 02:43:21 PM
http://qz.com/511920/a-tumor-stole-every-memory-i-had-this-is-what-happened-when-it-all-came-back/ (http://qz.com/511920/a-tumor-stole-every-memory-i-had-this-is-what-happened-when-it-all-came-back/)

Not about depression, but about how our fragile bodies can totally screw us up.
Just thought folks might find this an interesting read.
Really good article, thanks for sharing!  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on October 05, 2015, 06:13:28 PM
http://qz.com/511920/a-tumor-stole-every-memory-i-had-this-is-what-happened-when-it-all-came-back/ (http://qz.com/511920/a-tumor-stole-every-memory-i-had-this-is-what-happened-when-it-all-came-back/)

Not about depression, but about how our fragile bodies can totally screw us up.
Just thought folks might find this an interesting read.
Oh wow, that's far scarier than anything I've been through...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on October 06, 2015, 10:11:56 AM
Sorry for the double posting, but I wanted to share this with you all.

So, after 5 months and 7 doctor's appointments, she told me this morning that I don't need to go see her every month anymore, and gave me medication for 56 days (2 packs).
Yay! :D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on October 06, 2015, 10:22:03 AM
Brilliant!  :D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on October 06, 2015, 10:24:46 AM
Great news ScarletBea continue to climb up that graph????
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on October 06, 2015, 11:35:52 AM
That blinding light in front of you right now?
That's the end of the tunnel.
Put on your sunglasses, but keep the flashlight in your back pocket, too.
 8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 06, 2015, 04:55:16 PM
Congratulations. I'm glad to hear it. See? It's a matter of endurance.  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: xiagan on October 06, 2015, 05:46:39 PM
Yay! I like reading good news. :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on October 06, 2015, 06:38:53 PM
You are really the best - those who posted and those who just liked my post :D
I know I wouldn't have reached this point so 'quickly' if not for all of you and this forum

(http://cartwrightcakes.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/thank-you-teacher-cake.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on October 06, 2015, 09:22:53 PM
That blinding light in front of you right now?
That's the end of the tunnel.
Put on your sunglasses, but keep the flashlight in your back pocket, too.
 8)

I should have said "keep your towel handy".
Oh the missed opportunities.  8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on October 06, 2015, 09:29:33 PM
If that's a beach reference, I much prefer the flashlight ;)
(I don't really like laying down on the beach doing nothing, hehe)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on October 06, 2015, 10:14:30 PM
If that's a beach reference, I much prefer the flashlight ;)
(I don't really like laying down on the beach doing nothing, hehe)

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy reference.  ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on October 07, 2015, 08:40:34 AM
Oh drats, I should have got that!
In my defence, it's been several years since I read it :-[
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on October 25, 2015, 07:27:21 PM
Feeling slightly sad nearly 28th October, I think Halloween will always be a bit odd to me from now on
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on October 25, 2015, 07:49:54 PM
Feeling slightly sad nearly 28th October, I think Halloween will always be a bit odd to me from now on

The date of a sad family event, yes? I'm remembering something you've said in other posts.
Mid-January will be making me feel wierd, then mid-April.

I hope the whole year doesn't get filled over time.  :-[
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on October 25, 2015, 07:53:37 PM
I know it's easier to say than do, but I try to make these dates a celebration of life, of all the good things these people gave me and others.

*hugs*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on October 25, 2015, 07:54:53 PM
Dad passed away last year on 28th October from cancer.His in a better place now.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on October 27, 2015, 12:59:16 PM
This is a weird one, and I wondered whether to post. But on the spirit of being open about this, and maybe to get someone to tell me I'm being silly, here it goes.

I'm now basically on the 6 month milestone, since I was diagnosed and started taking medication.
I am much better, and only the nights and early mornings continue to be a problem.
And because of this, because I'm within the group that actually gets better with medication, I feel - slightly - a fake.
I read and hear about people suffering their entire lives with this; they try all different sorts of medication and dosages, and they battle it out every single day. And yet I'm different.
Could it be that what doctors call 'depression' is really a general term for different illnesses? Can there be different 'depressions'? Could mine be the 'physical' illness, and others be more 'emotional'?

It just feels... strange.
I know that I'll still need to take my medication for at least another year, and I know that in 5.5 years, give or take, I'll have it again, but for now I feel that other (real?) sufferers are pointing at me and thinking "I don't think she had what I have" :-\
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on October 27, 2015, 01:11:42 PM
I think it's a complex thing that has a lot of potential causes, but the effects seem to be pretty consistent. You're just one of the lucky ones whose causes can be treated. Hopefully with time we'll work out ways to treat the other causes that can't currently be treated. :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Hedin on October 27, 2015, 01:12:04 PM
Depression doesn't come in just plain vanilla, there are many different flavors to it.  It seems like your particular flavor has been able to be managed with your treatment course but I don't think its possible to account for all of the various flavors for treatment.  And I wouldn't feel bad that your treatment works but others are still struggling, I'm sure anyone who has gone through what you have would be happy that someone else who was struggling is now doing better.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 27, 2015, 07:28:08 PM


Three weeks ago, after long-time encouragement from a relative, I visited a certain place in the centre of town. I don't know the English way to refer to it, but it is essentially a place where people with any kind of mental or emotional difficulties can come in and talk to one another. There are some scheduled events and meetings, but mostly it's an open place for talk and mutual support.

I began by attending a closed, weekly meeting where people introduce themselves and talk about their problems. It's the only time flat-out negativity is allowed as opposed to more constructive stuff.

And yes, most of the people at that meeting have it far worse than I (schizophrenia, death of a child, emotional abuse) and I think I may have felt a little bit like you do now. As it became my turn to talk I felt out of place, but no-one else seemed to agree.
I've dropped in several times since, just for talk.

So, yeah, you're being silly. Just like me. Just because someone else is doing worse than yourself doesn't mean your problems are irrelevant.

Someone with cancer shouldn't be told to suck it up because they aren't a Syrian refugee.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on October 31, 2015, 08:45:38 AM
I've accept an invitation to a Halloween party (fancy dress) for tonight getting a bit nervous now

Where to park,don't know half the people there,what about if I run out of small talk etc all this little things I'm worrying about wished I was more confident
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on October 31, 2015, 08:52:41 AM
Eclipse, one of the tricks I use for that kind of thing is thinking that I can always leave after 15 minutes. Nothing is keeping me hostage and making me stay if I'm not enjoying myself.
By having that 'get out card', I go, and more often than not I realise that it's ok and I stay much longer than that.

So give it a try and go: you might surprise yourself :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on October 31, 2015, 09:26:16 AM
@Eclipse (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=9661), good conversation starters can be costumes tonight or decorations at party- Did you make it? How did you choose it?  Where did you find it? Esp if a character  ie Zombie - do you like The Walking Dead? 
Hope you manage to park and have fun 8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on October 31, 2015, 02:15:30 PM
Eclipse, one of the tricks I use for that kind of thing is thinking that I can always leave after 15 minutes. Nothing is keeping me hostage and making me stay if I'm not enjoying myself.
By having that 'get out card', I go, and more often than not I realise that it's ok and I stay much longer than that.

So give it a try and go: you might surprise yourself :)

Yes I will give it a go and it's just the fear of going and being shy and getting anxious about going. I think I be okay when I'm there and if I'm not enjoying myself I can always leave like you said  :) I can see how anxious people get Agoraphobia and then get upset because there not meeting people and having a social life as there scared.(this was me before I joined clubs I forced myself to get out before I got even more down only left the house to do shopping and go to work and put my head down so no one saw me as I felt people were laughing at me in my mind) so this is a big thing for me and going on my own is brave and I can pat myself on the back afterwards and feel more confident and make eye contact when speaking to strangers.

I used to get anxious even posting here when I first joined forum :D

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on November 01, 2015, 02:12:35 AM
Got back enjoyed myself flagging towards the end I want my bed, I did stick to the people I already know mostly but I did try to speak to other people.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on November 01, 2015, 02:56:46 AM
Got back enjoyed myself flagging towards the end I want my bed, I did stick to the people I already know mostly but I did try to speak to other people.
Sounds like a good night to me, E. Glad to hear it. ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Elfy on November 01, 2015, 04:02:49 AM
Interesting the comments about the 28th of October. It's a sad one for me, too. It was my Mum's birthday. She would have been 85 this year. She passed in March of 2009. I always have a moment of reflection on her birthday and anniversary and the same for Dad. He passed in July 2005.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on November 10, 2015, 10:06:52 PM
** scared of going to bed **
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on November 10, 2015, 10:18:51 PM
** scared of going to bed **

oh, no!  why is that?

were you reading the october contest entries and my TNotSSmbtoaFBbtSiathatdwt story was too scary?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on November 10, 2015, 10:33:01 PM
hehe

hmm if I tell people it will sound really silly...

It's just that now I get these really weird and anxious dreams, and I don't rest properly, and that period between turning off the light and actually falling asleep is quite hard.
The last couple of days I've actually been reading almost until the book falls off my hands... this after staying around here until I'm really tired too.

And I don't like the sound of the gales outside... I don't mind rain, thunderstorms, snow, whatever, but gales? the eerie sound? blegh
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on November 10, 2015, 10:37:58 PM
hehe

hmm if I tell people it will sound really silly...

It's just that now I get these really weird and anxious dreams, and I don't rest properly, and that period between turning off the light and actually falling asleep is quite hard.
The last couple of days I've actually been reading almost until the book falls off my hands... this after staying around here until I'm really tired too.

And I don't like the sound of the gales outside... I don't mind rain, thunderstorms, snow, whatever, but gales? the eerie sound? blegh

weird anxious dreams are weird.  i was having issues fitting a full-sized roller coaster in my house night before last.  that was super-stressful.  and, i'm sure it meant something to those dream reader people.

but, yeah.  you for sure shouldn't read my story then.  no, no, no.

maybe it'll help if you think that the gales are singing you to sleep, all sweet and dreamy-like.

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on November 10, 2015, 10:53:53 PM
Probably doesn't help much, but it can never be as bad as you imagine.
hope you sleep well.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Francis Knight on November 10, 2015, 11:55:53 PM
Doesn't sound silly to me

I'm bipolar so I go through some dark depressions. I had a bit of an episode, ok a breakdown, a couple of months ago. Some days I cannot go to sleep on my own.

Depression is...well it can be really odd. In this instance it was life changing (I was this !! close to being sectioned. It was only the Old Man stepping in to say he'd take care of me that stopped it.) It's going to take a long tome to get back to "normal"
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on November 11, 2015, 12:52:11 AM
It's going to take a long tome to get back to "normal"

this was an important thing for me to recognize.

i had crazy-anxiety-panic-attack-hospital-visiting stuff slam into me a few years ago when the job was heaping massive stress on me.  i was broken for a while.  doctor visits.  tingling and numbness.  lightheaded madness.  a feeling of dread that sat on my chest and didn't go away.  i didn't think it was EVER going to get better.

two things really helped.

1) i found out my stuff was purely a mental thing and wasn't physically dangerous.  i would spin on the "it's getting worse!  oh no!  wait.  stressing about it makes it even worse!  i'm going to have a heart attack!  wait.  now it's even worse!!!" carousel.  once i figured out i was freaking out about nothing physically dangerous, that helped with the sense of mentally dangerous.  i'd stop, count out some long, deep, relaxing breaths and chill.  every time, within 10 minutes, everything was better.

2) time.  it's about small, incremental improvements over time and taking the long view.

i feel a bajillion times better these days and i'm juggling approximately the same number of burdens.  maybe even more.  the difference being my attitude of "meh...  i'll do what i can.  if i don't succeed?  fuck it.  i'll just do something else instead."

hell, recognizing when i'm starting to feel anxious and stressed out -- it's almost like an old friend coming to visit these days.  i'm all "oh, it's you.  sup, dawg?  *fistbump*" then i smile, realizing it'll be gone before i know it.

basically, these days, i'm all ben franklin on the situation:  "do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. keep in the sunlight."

keep in the sunlight, bea!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on November 11, 2015, 01:22:31 AM

Heya, Bz.
We gotchya.

I know how to help people in the dark times get to sleep. (Describe every turning of the drive to Maine from our house. Worked every time.)

I don't know how to help avoid bad dreams.

But we gotchya anyway.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Doctor_Chill on November 11, 2015, 04:01:32 AM
I'll pray for ya Bea. I know I haven't been getting any sleep lately, so the feeling must suck coupled with those fearful thoughts. :(
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on November 11, 2015, 08:34:52 AM
(( thanks all xx ))

I guess I keep thinking the worst is behind me and then there are loads of little things that are still not ok :-\

oh
wait

The worst *is* behind me :D
I need to learn m3m's way.

And so sorry to hear that, Julia, I'm glad you have your Old Man :)
I hold on to a dinosaur
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on November 11, 2015, 08:41:52 AM
hehe

hmm if I tell people it will sound really silly...

It's just that now I get these really weird and anxious dreams, and I don't rest properly, and that period between turning off the light and actually falling asleep is quite hard.
The last couple of days I've actually been reading almost until the book falls off my hands... this after staying around here until I'm really tired too.

And I don't like the sound of the gales outside... I don't mind rain, thunderstorms, snow, whatever, but gales? the eerie sound? blegh
...
weird anxious dreams are weird.
...
Normal is weird.  ;)   At least when it comes to dreams.

Can't really say anything to make those dreams go away. Maybe, try not to think about it? (I know, I know; that's not a very helpful advice.)

But I hope you had a good night's sleep and that going to bed gets better.

(Now, I could tell you about weird dreams, but it's probably better if we don't go down that road. (http://www.trekunited.com/community/public/style_emoticons/default/shudder.gif))

(Also, I took too long to write this as Bea already replied.  ::) ) Edit: Not that it's too late or anything...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on November 16, 2015, 12:56:23 PM
Hey all - hoping that what Lady_Ty told me is correct, that "You aren't complaining but sharing with people who care about you"...

I'm having a relapse.
Today is being a particularly bad day, with the crying and the cold and not facing people and the listlessness, all back.
I've already had to write to some work people apologising for mails I sent on Friday that had all the wrong tone.
So I'm home, not replying to work mails that require thinking and logical writing, just me and numbers because they're ok.

I took a break earlier and popped over to the library (returning one book and getting Ketty Jay 3 and 4), but I almost turned back halfway. Can't face people.

One 'funny' thing: I now completely understand the use of straight-jackets, and it's got nothing to do with what you see in movies.
The pressure all over is sometimes the only thing that calms me down, and I pull on my jumpers really tight to get that effect (as 99.9% of the time there's no one around to hug you, hehe)

(thanks for letting me write this, it's hard to put myself out there but it helps)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on November 16, 2015, 01:22:50 PM
Giant hug ,lots of hugs xxxx

Never be shy to share you feelings and how you are, everyone cares for you.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on November 16, 2015, 02:22:30 PM
Never be shy to share you feelings and how you are, everyone cares for you.

What Eclipse said.

Hang in there. We're all rooting for you.

I don't know if this is what you need, but Sylvester Stallone's attempt at country music always cracks me up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNPPf4RbQeg
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on November 16, 2015, 02:43:58 PM
Giant hug ,lots of hugs xxxx

Never be shy to share you feelings and how you are, everyone cares for you.

exactly!

we all love you, so don't fret about letting us know when you need us.  don't fret in the least.

the thing that concerns me tho?  how on earth do i get access to this awesome library of yours that has all these amazing books?  mine has, like, hit-or-miss, random books in a martin or sanderson series.  but, man, i can get all the hot, paranormal romance i want!

p.s.  i live in the part of town with all the suburban soccer moms.  *sigh*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on November 16, 2015, 04:25:05 PM
And to add to Eli's humor theme to help out SBea, I offer you: The Nightmare Song

http://youtu.be/71BXaf0x5hA (http://youtu.be/71BXaf0x5hA)

And "I've Got a Little List"

http://youtu.be/1NLV24qTnlg (http://youtu.be/1NLV24qTnlg)

And who would have guessed that Eric Idle could sing really well?

http://youtu.be/o957lzsqDec (http://youtu.be/o957lzsqDec)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on November 16, 2015, 04:39:23 PM
Hey all - hoping that what Lady_Ty told me is correct, that "You aren't complaining but sharing with people who care about you"...
I would trust Lady_Ty on this one.  :)

So please, share as much as you feel like sharing. And get better.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on November 16, 2015, 05:39:30 PM
You are all amazingly lovely, but have really bad taste in music ;D
Although if the objective was to get a reaction from me, you certainly did hehe

how on earth do i get access to this awesome library of yours that has all these amazing books? 
Unfortunately you need to live here :P
Search to your heart's content: http://kir.ent.sirsidynix.net.uk/client/en_GB/default (http://kir.ent.sirsidynix.net.uk/client/en_GB/default)

The day passed with not much work, resting periods, crying periods, mails written that got deleted and can wait until I make more sense.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on November 16, 2015, 06:12:07 PM
You are all amazingly lovely, but have really bad taste in music ;D
Although if the objective was to get a reaction from me, you certainly did hehe

how on earth do i get access to this awesome library of yours that has all these amazing books? 
Unfortunately you need to live here :P
Search to your heart's content: http://kir.ent.sirsidynix.net.uk/client/en_GB/default (http://kir.ent.sirsidynix.net.uk/client/en_GB/default)

The day passed with not much work, resting periods, crying periods, mails written that got deleted and can wait until I make more sense.

But everyone here has got great taste in books mostly, don't know what you see in
made you look lol
myself through
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: xiagan on November 16, 2015, 10:11:04 PM
I hope you are feeling better, Bea! Some days just suck. Let's hope that this was one of them and that tomorrow will be better. :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on November 17, 2015, 10:29:20 AM
Thanks, yes, today is being a bit better (so far, hehe)
At least I'm in the office, even though I let myself arrive late.
Yesterday was like a day back from month 1...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Matamelcan on November 20, 2015, 03:47:49 AM
I may be younger and have experienced less then you seniors, but I've felt depression and still have it.  The feeling of never being good enough, wondering about the point of life and just trying to make it through the day is a horrible one.  Its led me into some dark places.

But then I began writing...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on November 20, 2015, 09:54:44 AM
Matamelcan, I'm sorry you feel this too - it's got nothing to do with age.

I'm glad you found writing as an escape form - I don't write stories but I do write in my diary (and sometimes here hehe), and it does help a lot.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on November 20, 2015, 04:16:27 PM
One 'funny' thing: I now completely understand the use of straight-jackets, and it's got nothing to do with what you see in movies.
The pressure all over is sometimes the only thing that calms me down, and I pull on my jumpers really tight to get that effect (as 99.9% of the time there's no one around to hug you, hehe)

(thanks for letting me write this, it's hard to put myself out there but it helps)

A thought occurred. Have you considered looking up an online fetish store and buying something like this:

http://i00.i.aliimg.com/wsphoto/v0/995715876/Free-shipping-Sexy-latex-clothing-trigonometric-series-one-piece-font-b-turtleneck-b-font-long-sleeve.jpg

To wear around the house I mean, not in the workplace. I've never worn latex in my life but it seems to provide that tight-all-over feel you like.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on November 20, 2015, 04:20:12 PM
*blink*  *blink*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on November 20, 2015, 04:25:01 PM
erm... thanks for the thought, but...
I'm not even going to click the link, sorry. That's a step I'm not prepared to take :-[
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on November 20, 2015, 04:31:51 PM
erm... thanks for the thought, but...
I'm not even going to click the link, sorry. That's a step I'm not prepared to take :-[

Well... hope I wasn't being inappropriate.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on November 20, 2015, 04:33:25 PM
I so love this place.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on November 20, 2015, 04:42:31 PM
Don't worry Eli.
You made me laugh, which is always a good thing.
But a normal jumper a couple of sizes smaller than normal would also do the trick ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on November 20, 2015, 04:48:25 PM
erm... thanks for the thought, but...
I'm not even going to click the link, sorry. That's a step I'm not prepared to take :-[

Well... hope I wasn't being inappropriate.

dude.  someday, you and i are TOTALLY getting drinks.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on November 20, 2015, 04:49:06 PM
Don't worry Eli.
You made me laugh, which is always a good thing.
But a normal jumper a couple of sizes smaller than normal would also do the trick ;D

Well, or that. :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on November 20, 2015, 05:30:42 PM
I clicked on Eli's link   :o I know what to get for Christmas now for my friends here,whats Jmack address again?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on November 20, 2015, 06:19:05 PM
I clicked on Eli's link   :o I know what to get for Christmas now for my friends here,whats Jmack address again?

YES!!

pics or it didn't happen, jmack!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on November 20, 2015, 10:13:07 PM
Reminder: I don't have to make decisions. I don't have to go to different places to use my weekend.

One thing I do have to do, though, is stop all the 'have to', and 'should', and 'must', in my brain. Throw away the guilt trip and the task lists.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on November 20, 2015, 10:17:47 PM
Reminder: I don't have to make decisions. I don't have to go to different places to use my weekend.

One thing I do have to do, though, is stop all the 'have to', and 'should', and 'must', in my brain. Throw away the guilt trip and the task lists.

I agree. To me the weekend is a time to relax and recharge my batteries.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Francis Knight on November 20, 2015, 10:34:05 PM
I have a giant decision I have to make over the next week or so. I mean (writing) career changing decision. Sometimes we just have to (though I'm trying not to atm, this one is unavoidable)

And I am going to stress about it, and whether I am making the right decision and am I going to upset peeps and...

I can't even decide what to have for dinner atm so this is going to probably give me extra grey hairs. Expect me sobbing on twitter and/or have a complete meltdown

Oh and I have an interview/assessment on Tuesday as well

Someone find me a cave to live in

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on November 20, 2015, 11:42:43 PM
I have a giant decision I have to make over the next week or so. I mean (writing) career changing decision. Sometimes we just have to (though I'm trying not to atm, this one is unavoidable)

And I am going to stress about it, and whether I am making the right decision and am I going to upset peeps and...

I can't even decide what to have for dinner atm so this is going to probably give me extra grey hairs. Expect me sobbing on twitter and/or have a complete meltdown

Oh and I have an interview/assessment on Tuesday as well

Someone find me a cave to live in

Wishing you good decisions and much calm, FK.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on November 21, 2015, 01:34:04 AM
I have a giant decision I have to make over the next week or so. I mean (writing) career changing decision. Sometimes we just have to (though I'm trying not to atm, this one is unavoidable)

And I am going to stress about it, and whether I am making the right decision and am I going to upset peeps and...

I can't even decide what to have for dinner atm so this is going to probably give me extra grey hairs. Expect me sobbing on twitter and/or have a complete meltdown

Oh and I have an interview/assessment on Tuesday as well

Someone find me a cave to live in

you got this.

/highfive
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on November 21, 2015, 06:17:59 AM
*hugs Julia*
Talk about the blind leading the blind, but it's easier to see things from the outside, so I tell you: sometimes you do have to be selfish. You have to go for what you know (and deep inside you do know) you want and is good for you. You, singular.
And these things end up being so much easier to choose than dinner or what to wear...

And if you sob or have a meltdown, come over here, we're ready with tea, biscuits and hugs (and grey hairs are fab *looks at mine*)
 :-*


As for me, I finally decided to turn on the light and the computer and stop my brain - less tiring than looking like being asleep from the outside but brain having a full party+holiday+work+whatever it's doing up there that is not 'letting me rest' >:(
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on November 21, 2015, 06:52:13 AM
I may be younger and have experienced less then you seniors, but I've felt depression and still have it.  The feeling of never being good enough, wondering about the point of life and just trying to make it through the day is a horrible one.  Its led me into some dark places.

But then I began writing...

It's good writing helps Metamelcan, but like ScarletBea said  it can happen at any age. We can all remember how much huge pressure is on you when you're young as well and how hard it can be.  Do talk about it more here anytime if you think it will help. If you've read through this thread you'll know you are not alone and people here all care about each other and will listen. ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on November 22, 2015, 12:10:36 PM
*punches depression in the face*
This morning I won: the full 5k (in 33'42") :D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on November 22, 2015, 12:12:50 PM
*punches depression in the face*
This morning I won: the full 5k (in 33'42") :D

FUCKIN' A!!!! You GO you tough F-F'er, you GO!

 ;) ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on November 22, 2015, 01:09:20 PM
*punches depression in the face*
This morning I won: the full 5k (in 33'42") :D

FUCKIN' A!!!! You GO you tough F-F'er, you GO!

 ;) ;D

Yes yes yes yes  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on November 23, 2015, 06:37:20 AM
*punches depression in the face*
This morning I won: the full 5k (in 33'42") :D

I... don't know what those numbers mean, but good that you're feeling better. Congratulations.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on November 23, 2015, 07:54:58 AM
The first number is the distance ,the second number is her height! Lol nah second number is the time done it in.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on November 23, 2015, 08:29:25 AM
*punches depression in the face*
This morning I won: the full 5k (in 33'42") :D

I... don't know what those numbers mean, but good that you're feeling better. Congratulations.

Thanks, sorry, I've posted before about me running, and how difficult it's been to resume, and this links to that. This was the first time I ran the full 5 km since April.
Eclipse is right (the second time, hehe), the second number means I did it in 33 minutes and 42 seconds, which isn't the best but not the worst either :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saraband on November 23, 2015, 09:54:21 AM
*punches depression in the face*
This morning I won: the full 5k (in 33'42") :D

I... don't know what those numbers mean, but good that you're feeling better. Congratulations.

Thanks, sorry, I've posted before about me running, and how difficult it's been to resume, and this links to that. This was the first time I ran the full 5 km since April.
Eclipse is right (the second time, hehe), the second number means I did it in 33 minutes and 42 seconds, which isn't the best but not the worst either :)

That's a perfectly good speed for a run Bea, you should be proud. I think my best was 5k in 29'00", and that was at my fittest condition. I'm actually curious to see how different it will be to run in this new weather, kinda scared.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on November 23, 2015, 03:38:25 PM
That's a perfectly good speed for a run Bea, you should be proud. I think my best was 5k in 29'00", and that was at my fittest condition. I'm actually curious to see how different it will be to run in this new weather, kinda scared.
Ta - especially since we're talking about a 45-year old who only started running (regularly or otherwise!) a couple of years ago, hehe
I run in the cold (according to my garmin, yesterday the average temp was 2.8 C), but not in the rain...
You'll be fine!

And ups and downs, ups and downs - stupid meltdown at work in front of lots of people, better now (got real hugs :D)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Matamelcan on November 24, 2015, 12:37:03 AM
*punches depression in the face*
This morning I won: the full 5k (in 33'42") :D

I... don't know what those numbers mean, but good that you're feeling better. Congratulations.

Thanks, sorry, I've posted before about me running, and how difficult it's been to resume, and this links to that. This was the first time I ran the full 5 km since April.
Eclipse is right (the second time, hehe), the second number means I did it in 33 minutes and 42 seconds, which isn't the best but not the worst either :)
Really not bad!  Congratulations!
 I've done a 5k and I got 20:58... I'm quick!  Somewhat.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on November 26, 2015, 12:59:31 PM
excuse me, look away now...

AAAAAARGGGGHHHHHHHH

(I just want to be ok :( )
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on November 26, 2015, 05:03:56 PM
You're okay in my book.  ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on November 30, 2015, 01:45:01 PM
Pffff.
Doc said there's not anything else she can do for me, just keep the medication going, and I should really try therapy. I've done it in the past, and loved the therapist, she was quite good and helped lots, but it kinda feels like a failure to go back to her once again.
Maybe I'll try the local groups... maybe in January...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on December 01, 2015, 06:41:12 AM
Pffff.
Doc said there's not anything else she can do for me, just keep the medication going, and I should really try therapy. I've done it in the past, and loved the therapist, she was quite good and helped lots, but it kinda feels like a failure to go back to her once again.
Maybe I'll try the local groups... maybe in January...
Not at all a failure to go back to therapist if she helped and you liked her. How about thinking of it as a booster shot?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on December 01, 2015, 08:37:27 AM
Thanks - I was actually going to delete the post this morning, but now you've quoted it...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on December 01, 2015, 09:19:08 AM
Didn't notice this yesterday - definitely not a failure in my eyes, not even vaguely related. Booster shot is a very good analogy I think. :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on December 01, 2015, 09:55:55 AM
I did notice this yesterday but forgot to reply.  ::) :-[
Is there a booster shot against forgetfulness?  :P

But yes, not a failure. Not at all.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on December 03, 2015, 11:35:48 AM
Thanks, you gave me the push I needed :-*

Random thing I noticed: I'm reading less/slower >:(
A few reasons:
I no longer wake up in the middle of the night, so that's that time lost (although I suppose it's good from a resting point of view, offset by weird dreams);
I've been having a stronger sense of 'scared of going to sleep', so I don't go to bed at normal hours, so that cuts on bed-reading time;
I spend too much time here ;)
Noticed harder to concentrate in last couple of weeks :(

Definitely need to change!!! Bring on time off and holidays...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: wakarimasen on December 03, 2015, 12:04:25 PM
@ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) I always find the dreams so vivid when I accidentally mess with my citalapram dose.  Can be great fun.

Therapy is a great tool for dealing with depression. I've found a good EFT therapist and that was surprisingly useful.
This stuff basically... http://www.emofree.com/eft-tutorial/tapping-basics/what-is-eft.html
I can always see if the guy I know can recommend anyone nearer yourself...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on December 03, 2015, 12:42:39 PM
I don't mess with the dose, but my sleep patterns change more than the english weather ::)

* Falling asleep really early, waking up between 2-4-ish, then waking up really tired
* Falling asleep late, waking up between 5-6-ish, then waking up really tired
* Sleeping the night through but waking up really tired because I can remember the dreams and they make me really tired (physically or emotionally) - the ones I remember are always the scary, anxious, upsetting ones...
* Sleeping 9-10 hours straight on sundays and still waking up really tired
...
see a pattern in the end result? ::)

erm... EFT doesn't seem very attractive, sorry
I plan to go back to the one I used during my last episode, 6 years ago, who focuses on "psycho-dynamic/psycho-analytic psychotherapy". It worked, she did help.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Alexandre A Loch on December 03, 2015, 05:57:36 PM
Pffff.
Doc said there's not anything else she can do for me, just keep the medication going, and I should really try therapy. I've done it in the past, and loved the therapist, she was quite good and helped lots, but it kinda feels like a failure to go back to her once again.
Maybe I'll try the local groups... maybe in January...

Hi Scarlet,
Besides being a writer (and Sci-Fi fan), I work as a psychiatrist. I often get this complaint, that returning to treatment sounds like a defeat. Or that the previous treatment did not work. This is common, for depression, in most cases, is recurrent. However, one must recognize early signs of relapse so that treatment can be reinitiated ASAP. For better outcome, quality of life, etc. I have some patients that refrain from stopping medication (or therapy), even if I tell them they could stop, because they are feeling so well with the treatment they do not want to risk it. Well, that's it, good luck with your treatment.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on December 19, 2015, 06:05:51 PM
Christmas party and meal ,getting nervous it's the just going part I hate the most and I've got another one Monday! ...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on December 19, 2015, 07:14:22 PM
Good luck, Eclipse!



I had my 'birthday lunch' today with 3 friends and a 2 year-old, it was really nice :)
(others couldn't go, and the 3 year-old has chicken pox!)

And since we're in this thread, I'll share that I took the chance to tell them thanks for all their help throughout this year - sometimes we don't say thank you enough in real life...

My birthday is when I take stock of the year (not on 31 Dec), so because it's quite hard to type on a medium-sized tablet (the only thing I'll have on wednesday), and since Lady Ty has already started the ball rolling, here it is.

For you all, those that have followed my journey on this thread, thank you from the bottom of my heart. The journey hasn't ended yet, but I'm up close to the top of the mountain because of you. I didn't give up because of you - you said all the right words, both encouraging and kicking me in the butt ;D (you know who you are ;))
 
The net is not a dry, arid and impersonal space, it's full of amazing people that I was lucky enough to find in this forum.
All of you who 'liked' posts, who replied to me, who let me cry and complain when I really needed to, who shared your stories and made me feel not alone...
*MWAH*
 :-*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on December 20, 2015, 08:54:26 AM
I'm so glad you're doing better, ScarletBea. And that we were able to be some help. Keep climbing.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saurus on January 03, 2016, 09:41:55 PM
We were invited to a party today! (Actually, we were invited like two weeks ago.) I baked two batches of muffins; 12 chocolate muffins and 13 raspberry/white chocolate. Instead of going to the party with muffins, we ate them all and stayed at home reading.  8)

We really were planning on going until the last minute, because these people were potential new friends - we met them once and they were really nice - rather than existing friends who might have even understood why we didn't show up.. :(

** not that we'd intentionally ignore invites from existing friends, just that they'd understand (some of them anyway).
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on January 03, 2016, 09:50:15 PM
Make an excuse up say you were feeling ill and unfortunately couldn't make it.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on January 03, 2016, 09:53:36 PM
Make an excuse up say you were feeling ill and unfortunately couldn't make it.
Yup, that's the plan! (http://i2.ifrm.com/html/emoticons/unsure.gif)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on January 03, 2016, 09:57:01 PM
I phoned a friend last week no answer mind says ok there probably out I phone later

Phone later no answer, mind says there probably still out and cant reach phone

Last attempt to phone no Answer ,mind says there don't like you that's why there not picking up you made them upset I get worried and anxious

Next day I get phone call off them wishing me a merry Christmas lol
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on January 03, 2016, 09:58:53 PM
I phoned a friend last week no answer mind says ok there probably out I phone later

Phone later no answer, mind says there probably still out and cant reach phone

Last attempt to phone no Answer ,mind says there don't like you that's why there not picking up you made them upset I get worried and anxious

Next day I get phone call off them wishing me a merry Christmas lol
I've worked out an elegant solution for that kind of problem: don't have friends.  8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on January 03, 2016, 10:04:50 PM
I know everything was alright but my mind wanted to run all this scenarios through me.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on January 03, 2016, 10:46:03 PM
I've worked out an elegant solution for that kind of problem: don't have friends.  8)
Not fair, you have Saurus!! :)

In the last 2 weeks I realised how important touch is, being hugged by my parents, and this weekend by my nieces.
I got a few hugs from my friends a few times this year, when I was feeling awful and they asked if I needed one, and it does help a bit, but I don't get anything regular hehe

But Eclipse, you're a brave one! I never phone anyone, it's always via mail (or speak directly to them, the ones at work) - I kinda hate phone calls, especially if there's no specific point to be made. But I have the same reaction to you to non-replies (2 attempts are enough for me!)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on January 03, 2016, 11:05:48 PM
Well, 2015 is behind us and a new year ahead.

I thought I'd drop a little post about my own status.

Last year rather sucked for me. I hit a mental level I haven't been in for years, and my job, poorly suited to the Asperger temperament, wasn't helping. I was stressed out almost every day. I also generally felt like a failure and that I haven't done enough with my life, socially or professionally.

This fall I took the offensive. I got a pair of kittens for companionship. They are very annoying at times, but at other times they are very sweet and love a warm lap to sit in.
I quit my job, which took effect at the end of November, saving me from yet another unbearable December month. For the first time in six years I was actually able to relax for the holiday season. I am currently unemployed, which does not sit well with my dislike for uncertainty, but I have an upcoming interview with a job adviser, I am in talks with a nearby hotel, and I intend to talk to various businesses throughout January.

I am also very seriously considering going to college next fall. I am tired of writing being my only notable skill and maybe the college environment will do me good, socially. Of course, I doubt I can finish studies in something that doesn't interest me, and the only curriculum that does interest me is modern studies, which is hardly the most pragmatic choice.
But I will book an interview with a guidance counselor this week and discuss the situation in more detail.

I don't know what this year has in store for me, but at least I'm making changes and trying new things. And I have to admit I feel far happier, and in fact healthier, after getting out of that job.

And on New Year's Eve, as I stood by the cooling bonfire after everyone else had left, the thought occurred that I was watching all the stress and difficulties of 2015 burn away and starting with a clean slate.

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on January 04, 2016, 03:26:58 AM
Eli that was a lovely post, and I am truly glad for you that you can start the year off with such positive feelings. Many good wishes for your future plans and thank you for sharing with us.


Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on January 04, 2016, 03:42:23 AM
I'm quite impressed, really, with the fortitude of all of you. I don't experience regular depression or shyness, etc., but I do know all the little ways I avoid engaging with my own problems. I just ignore them a lot and hope they go away or don't blow up. Anyone who acts to really address the barriers in front of them has my admiration.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: CryptofCthulhu on January 05, 2016, 01:41:49 PM
I've had bi-polar 2 pretty much since puberty started so I completely sympathize.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on January 06, 2016, 04:58:39 AM
Glad you found this thread and feel free to chat here anytime Cult.

Your username really is great but we'll never manage to keep typing it in full unless we need to summons you. ;D
Jmack shortened you to Cult, which seems pretty apt. Is that OK with you?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: CryptofCthulhu on January 07, 2016, 03:57:31 PM
Glad you found this thread and feel free to chat here anytime Cult.

Your username really is great but we'll never manage to keep typing it in full unless we need to summons you. ;D
Jmack shortened you to Cult, which seems pretty apt. Is that OK with you?

How about Crypt? Shortens it enough I think. But either way is fine. :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on January 08, 2016, 03:06:11 AM

How about Crypt? Shortens it enough I think. But either way is fine. :)
No worries  ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: SugoiMe on January 15, 2016, 04:11:05 AM
We have this cat that's only 8 months old.  He was a rescue.  His previous owners abused him, did something to his eye and cut off one side of his whiskers.  He had a rough time last year with getting sick, but got better.  Now, he's having seizures.  They're so bad that there isn't much hope for him.  My mom's got some antibiotics, but if he doesn't get better by the weekend...well, my mom says she'll have to make a hard decision.  Which is sad because he's her favourite cat.  It's been really hard on her.  Hard on me, too.  We've all grown fond of the little guy here.  I honestly hope those antibiotics help.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nora on January 15, 2016, 04:55:34 AM
We have this cat that's only 8 months old.  He was a rescue.  His previous owners abused him, did something to his eye and cut off one side of his whiskers.  He had a rough time last year with getting sick, but got better.  Now, he's having seizures.  They're so bad that there isn't much hope for him.  My mom's got some antibiotics, but if he doesn't get better by the weekend...well, my mom says she'll have to make a hard decision.  Which is sad because he's her favourite cat.  It's been really hard on her.  Hard on me, too.  We've all grown fond of the little guy here.  I honestly hope those antibiotics help.

Good luck Sugoi. I know where you're at. I had two rescue cats, bro and sis. The little girl was mine and the guy was my siblings', and it soon appeared that he was sick, and that actually they'd given us cats that had the equivalent of aids.
My little Jiji was a healthy carrier, but her brother slowly died on us until we decided it was ridiculous, the amount of suffering this little guy must be going through. Don't feel bad. Sometimes you can't help.
And actually you guys helped a lot already, if you gave the buddy an entire year of love, care and cuddles. It's way more than what he'd have had at his previous owner's.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: SugoiMe on January 15, 2016, 06:39:43 AM
Thanks, @Nora (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40237). I've never been super attached to animals, so I'm in between feeling depressed and being indifferent if that makes any sense. We started off fostering Charlie-George, but ended up loving him so much that we adopted him for good. He's the king cat here.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on January 15, 2016, 11:19:00 AM
Our Rose (cocker spaniel) has chronic ear problems. I don't do a good enough job regularly cleaning them. Now she has such a bad case that the docs shoved medicinal wax into them and said don't touch 'em for 2 weeks. She also has allergies, between her toes it's an absolute zoological disaster. We have to give her Benadryl, which makes her sleepy.

Meanwhile, we'd desperately miss the little girl if anything dire ever happened to her.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: SugoiMe on January 15, 2016, 08:31:35 PM
Well, Charlie-George was put down today.  It couldn't be helped.  The other cat brothers are wondering where he is.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on January 15, 2016, 08:32:46 PM
*hugs SugoiMe*


I got awful news at work that got me crying in the toilets again, after so much time where I was a normal person again.
It feels I just got back on my own 2 feet, and now someone's kicked them off again.
I just left, I couldn't work anymore (or talk with people who might be able to explain better - it'll be Monday). Flexible time needs to mean something, after all.
I ended up going to see Star Wars after doing the errand I really had to do today, and not think about it for a few hours, but then on the train home it was back, and I cried some more.
I'm trying to fight it, until I know more, but it just feels... bad... (can't really say more)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on January 15, 2016, 09:11:59 PM
Hugs you all xx
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on January 15, 2016, 11:57:42 PM
Sugoime, really sorry that had to happen and it leaves the family feeling awful. I have had to do this twice now with old cats who had just reached the time when i knew it was needed. At least they were old, but it still felt bad. I am glad you have other cats around to love.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nora on January 16, 2016, 12:36:12 AM
Hang on Sugoi! It'll be alright with some time. You guys did you best, there was no other option for his welfare.
It's great of you guys to have been so nice and serious about caring for him. Cuddle your other cats! Looks like y'all need it.

@ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) : Hey, stay strong. At least you're feeling bad with a good reason. If you had bad news, it's something you can deal with and kick in the but right out, so you can get back on those feet straight away. Please don't think like it ruined all your progress. I don't know the details, but I'm sure it can't!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: SugoiMe on January 16, 2016, 01:26:34 AM
Thanks for the support, guys! Really appreciate it.

@ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) - hugs to you, girl. You'll pull through. I know you will. :) just keep on keeping on.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on February 06, 2016, 08:41:08 PM
Some updates...

I keep checking Matt Haig's Reasons to Stay Alive at Waterstone's, but I keep thinking I'll just read it from the library.
But from the bits and pieces I've read, which keep making me go 'oh this is so true!', maybe I need to have it at home...

I was really standing tall and strong, believing that it was 'over'. Little did I know my foundations were still very fragile.
That event I posted above, about 3 weeks ago was a big shake, but afterwards I was still standing. Then I found out about one friend, another big shake, but afterwards I was still standing. Finally knowing about my other friend on Thursday, that was the drop the made the bath overflow, the pebble that collapsed the mountain.
I had a huge crisis yesterday, back to the 'good old days'.
At least now I'm split in two: the wreck, and the one that can still make jokes and smile; the one who just wants to curl up in bed all day, and the one who gets thrills from ending a great book, starting a new one. Both exist in me. But I am so incredibly tired of fighting.

I just wanted to be taken care of for a day, a few hours.
I know you can't do that, so, and I'm not really liking myself for asking, could you just write some nice things to me, here or on a PM? I need to hear there's someone out there.
Note that by 'nice things' I just mean a simple 'hang in there, you can be weak for a while and no one will think less of you for that' - the bit of me that knows that is being completely buried under the 'you have to hold on, fight, stay strong, all the time'
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on February 06, 2016, 09:00:31 PM
Hugs.
Yes, hang in there. I don't think anyone can be strong all the time, so being weak every once in a while is perfectly acceptable.
Just remember that you're awesome.  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on February 06, 2016, 09:06:38 PM
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/b5/69/bc/b569bcd9dde7f7753cc0152fff791cf1.jpg)

Hang in there, Bea.  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: xiagan on February 06, 2016, 09:54:23 PM
People often try to be strong in situations like this but there are different kinds of strength and choosing the wrong one makes the battle even harder.

To paraphrase one of Aesop's Fables: Always remember that you don't have to be strong as an oak. If you bend like a reed, you won't break in this storm. :)

"Life will test you but remember this, when you walk up a mountain, your legs get stronger."
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on February 06, 2016, 10:28:30 PM
Hey, sweet Bea, I'm very under the weather (see salmon comment) so I won't write much. But just remembered how important you are to this community and to each of us. You're super, smart and sensitive. And much loved.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on February 06, 2016, 10:51:18 PM
You have my love xx are you not planning to get the forum members to meet up that's something to look forward too. Maybe I go as well if I don't get scared.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on February 06, 2016, 11:16:56 PM
There's no reason for you to not like yourself for asking, ScarletBea. As I  have argued before; mental problems are no less serious than physical ones, as society is gradually realising. There is no more shame in seeking help for those than there is for seeing a doctor.

I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you, and wishing you the best. And clearly many others are as well.

And since you seem to have an interest in the Icelandic language, I thought you might appreciate this cover of "Moonlight Shadow":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4qGLBG46TU


Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on February 06, 2016, 11:56:38 PM
Dearest ScarletBea, having those heartbreaking, frightening changes at your work would leave anyone shattered and upset. When you were still recovering a little from a bad year and only just feeling better no wonder it has hit you hard.
Being strong is the slow painful hanging on and clawing forward day by day, for so long, while still joking and joining in here. You always achieve this and we love you even more for being able to do it and to be brave enough to share.
Sending love and many hugs and somewhere to sit awhile. 

(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/91oA%2BlnHi0L._SL1200_.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on February 07, 2016, 09:11:53 AM
You are all the absolute best *tight hugs* you do make the world of difference to me :-*
(including the PM ones)

I was thinking how come I'm able to share and ask for help to you here, and I can't pick up the phone and call my friends...

And Eclipse
are you not planning to get the forum members to meet up that's something to look forward too. Maybe I go as well if I don't get scared.
Marc deleted that thread not to get confused with the mini Grim Gathering he's organising. If/when that happens, let's definitely meet there
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on February 07, 2016, 09:26:52 AM
I find phones scary, I sometimes don't answer them. I much prefer texting.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on February 07, 2016, 10:59:14 AM
You are all the absolute best *tight hugs* you do make the world of difference to me :-*
(including the PM ones)

I was thinking how come I'm able to share and ask for help to you here, and I can't pick up the phone and call my friends...

Online communication is funny like that. It is much easier to pick away at a keyboard than it is to speak to a human being face-to-face.

Glad we can help.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on February 07, 2016, 12:40:11 PM
Marc deleted that thread not to get confused with the mini Grim Gathering he's organising. If/when that happens, let's definitely meet there

I did wonder actually. Shame, as if it's as far south as Bristol there's no way I'll make it.  :-\
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on February 07, 2016, 03:23:35 PM
Marc deleted that thread not to get confused with the mini Grim Gathering he's organising. If/when that happens, let's definitely meet there
I did wonder actually. Shame, as if it's as far south as Bristol there's no way I'll make it.  :-\
I could actually go one weekend to Glasgow, and we'd meet, plus @Saraband (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32607) - or is Edinburgh closer to you?
Not sure if there's anyone else, and authors we know, oop north ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on February 07, 2016, 04:17:26 PM
I could actually go one weekend to Glasgow, and we'd meet, plus @Saraband (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32607) - or is Edinburgh closer to you?
Not sure if there's anyone else, and authors we know, oop north ;D

It's much of a muchness really, they're about the same distance (around 3.5-4 hours away, longer depending on how I get to Inverness first). It would have to be overnight really which isn't ideal, hence why I was hoping something would maybe happen in the north of England as I could make a couple days of it. But when I move to Aberdeen it's much more feasible to come down to Edinburgh for the day and head back at night!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on February 07, 2016, 04:51:35 PM
Well, if anyone happens to pass by Akureyri, let me know. :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on February 07, 2016, 04:54:26 PM
Eli, I'd love to, but I doubt I'll go to Iceland again anytime soon...
You could come over to England, maybe for the Grim Gathering this year, for the convention next year, or at any time and some of us would definitely meet you :)

And Idle, actually Aberdeen might even be better, because I've never been! When are you moving? You could be the guide of the portuguese tour ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Idlewilder on February 07, 2016, 07:20:13 PM
And Idle, actually Aberdeen might even be better, because I've never been! When are you moving? You could be the guide of the portuguese tour ;)

I'll be there end of August/start of September. (I'm going to be living in postgraduate student halls!  :o )
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: SugoiMe on February 07, 2016, 07:43:28 PM
*sigh* Canada's so far from everything...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on February 07, 2016, 09:07:45 PM
Quote
Well, if anyone happens to pass by Akureyri, let me know. :)

I might hold you to that.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on February 10, 2016, 08:31:31 PM
*finding the funny in the fog*

I've become a hug-lover!

When I first moved here I thought hugs were really strange, something so intimate that so many people were trying to do to me (we just do kisses on cheeks to say hello and bye).
Through the years I got used to it, but only let really close friends hug me.

But since getting ill, I basically say yes to anyone who offers me a hug! Mind you, they're colleagues from work, but even people I don't know very well, if they see me really upset and offer hugs, I just jump at the chance, hehe
It *does* make a difference...

(I just realised this today :) )
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on February 10, 2016, 08:59:43 PM
*finding the funny in the fog*

I've become a hug-lover!

When I first moved here I thought hugs were really strange, something so intimate that so many people were trying to do to me (we just do kisses on cheeks to say hello and bye).
Through the years I got used to it, but only let really close friends hug me.

But since getting ill, I basically say yes to anyone who offers me a hug! Mind you, they're colleagues from work, but even people I don't know very well, if they see me really upset and offer hugs, I just jump at the chance, hehe
It *does* make a difference...

(I just realised this today :) )

[hug!!!!]
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on February 10, 2016, 09:09:51 PM
hugs are awesome.  i'm totally a hugger.

be prepared!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on February 10, 2016, 10:36:28 PM
Sending Hugs for Today  ;)
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/1d/12/98/1d12982c3448321fb24ebbdb228816b7.jpg)

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Mr.J on February 10, 2016, 10:39:37 PM
I respond to everything with gifs now. It is known.

(https://49.media.tumblr.com/3387c599d60627d5edbeca4eef87cd1b/tumblr_nbxqb1iHbq1sg4bplo1_500.gif)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on February 16, 2016, 04:19:58 PM
I did it, I wrote to the therapist (after some more pressure from friend/colleague, hehe)

And now I'm going home, I can't stand this anymore...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on February 16, 2016, 06:48:57 PM
Quote
But since getting ill, I basically say yes to anyone who offers me a hug! Mind you, they're colleagues from work, but even people I don't know very well, if they see me really upset and offer hugs, I just jump at the chance, hehe
It *does* make a difference...

(I just realised this today :) )

All those very happy Italians who hug family and friends every time they enter a room know what they are about.

I was going to post up a very dull and dry medical paper about cortisol and endorphins but this is more fun.

http://happinessweekly.org/2013/01/19/fun-facts-about-hugging/ (http://happinessweekly.org/2013/01/19/fun-facts-about-hugging/)

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on February 18, 2016, 08:55:06 AM
I need to stop posting after 9pm ::) either I say something complete crap or I say things that sound really angry and prescriptive...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on February 18, 2016, 09:34:20 AM
You may be seeing a problem there that others don't. If you have something to say on a contenscious thread you could always write it in word, save it overnight and see if you still want to post it in the cold light of day.

I doubt very much that you are going to cause great upset as it hasn't happened in the last several thousand posts you have made.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on February 18, 2016, 09:52:53 AM
hehe that's a good idea.
I was actually thinking about my post on the Copper Cat US covers, I sound *really* annoyed and angry ::) ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on February 18, 2016, 10:17:05 AM
Maybe we need to drop the "ban ScarletBea" campaign. I mean, her angry and prescriptive posts haven't really been that bad. Right? 8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on February 18, 2016, 12:25:16 PM
Apparently it's becoming normal, and appearing in mainstream news sites.

I particularly like these 2:

(http://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/976/cpsprodpb/3FEC/production/_88246361_print-image1.png)

(http://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/976/cpsprodpb/8E0C/production/_88246363_helpful-advice.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: CryptofCthulhu on February 18, 2016, 12:28:22 PM
[youtube]KCOkbH1kfDU[/youtube]

This should help.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on February 18, 2016, 12:37:45 PM
Thanks!!!
I think I was waiting for a peek on it ever since you posted this:
Baby elephants frolicking about always brightens my day.  ;D
;D

I'm working from home today - stupid 6-hour meeting that I have on the phone loudspeaker in the background (my bit is only 15 minutes), while I "frolick" elsewhere hehe Can't read though, the noise interferes...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on February 18, 2016, 07:19:02 PM
Quote
I'm working from home today - stupid 6-hour meeting that I have on the phone loudspeaker in the background (my bit is only 15 minutes)

I cannot even comprehend the stupid that thinks a 6 hour meeting could be benificial to the company.

2 hour interview (+2 hour commuting) today and I am utterly exhausted.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on February 18, 2016, 08:41:12 PM
And it happens every single month... *sigh* Most of the people are in the same room in the US, then a few in the same room in the UK, via video-conference, and then a couple just on the phone - which is usually my case ::)

Interview? I hope it went ok, 'good luck after the fact' :)

And think: if you're exhausted, maybe you'll be able to have a very good night's sleep!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on February 18, 2016, 10:03:41 PM
Quote
And it happens every single month... *sigh* Most of the people are in the same room in the US, then a few in the same room in the UK, via video-conference, and then a couple just on the phone - which is usually my cas
#

So too many people attending a too long meeting any real purpose served?

Interview was not good, I feel like I was taken into a room and taken apart.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on February 19, 2016, 12:07:42 AM

Interview was not good, I feel like I was taken into a room and taken apart.

Rostum I do understand your frustration and hope you win through soon. At least your applications are getting you an interview and that is a good positive.
Title: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Blackthorn on February 19, 2016, 12:40:51 AM
Ive been specifically ignoring this thread so as not to think about it but......depression really is a bitch.

I recently lost my job because ive been unable to make it to work from anxiety attacks of pure terror...at least im not the only one having problems.....but I wish no one else was having them as well....its one of those things that its nice when you aren't the only one but its bad because no one should have to deal with it.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on February 19, 2016, 12:47:10 AM
Interview was not good, I feel like I was taken into a room and taken apart.

brutal.  i HATE interviews that end up like that.

on the plus side, you're going to get really good at interviews, right?  that's the way to get stronger -- get out there and attack your own weakness, and work it hard until it's a strength.

you got this, man.

/highfive
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on February 19, 2016, 01:46:01 AM
Ive been specifically ignoring this thread so as not to think about it but......depression really is a bitch.

I recently lost my job because ive been unable to make it to work from anxiety attacks of pure terror...at least im not the only one having problems.....but I wish no one else was having them as well....its one of those things that its nice when you aren't the only one but its bad because no one should have to deal with it.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk

@Blackthorn (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=41045), thank you for sharing that with us, its not easy to let others know about your feelings. This thread may not help you forget how awful you feel with anxiety but it just may help you to read  through some of it.

There are many others here on the forum with similar feelings or other problems. This is where you can always talk about it freely, however badly you feel. You will be heard and someone will be around to answer and understand and that in itself may help you feel a little better. ;).
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on February 19, 2016, 08:48:54 AM
Ive been specifically ignoring this thread so as not to think about it but......depression really is a bitch.

I recently lost my job because ive been unable to make it to work from anxiety attacks of pure terror...at least im not the only one having problems.....but I wish no one else was having them as well....its one of those things that its nice when you aren't the only one but its bad because no one should have to deal with it.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk

@Blackthorn (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=41045), thank you for sharing that with us, its not easy to let others know about your feelings. This thread may not help you forget how awful you feel with anxiety but it just may help you to read  through some of it.

There are many others here on the forum with similar feelings or other problems. This is where you can always talk about it freely, however badly you feel. You will be heard and someone will be around to answer and understand and that in itself may help you feel a little better. ;).

Yes, 100% what Lady Ty said.
This thread, the people, have been my anchor in all these months.
They encourage me to take action, they discourage me from taking bad actions, they give me the nudge I need to get a bit of control back into my life.

Just this morning I was feeling totally lost, out of control on everything in my life, when I realised that I was thinking this while walking to work, along the canal, with the sun shining and looking at ducks: I decided to come to work and I decided to walk, unlike the ideas I had last night of working from home again, or if I did come, I'd just get in the car. So I did get some control in my life, and I decided on things that were good for me.

And just because I think it's important, I'm going to ask you: have you looked for professional help? Either in your GP or a therapist, or the Samaritans?
One thing I've realised is that I can't fight this on my own, and it's ok to ask for help.
You can reply here, or via PM, or not even reply - just please think about it, and don't suffer alone *hugs*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on February 19, 2016, 05:32:29 PM
Some really useful tips:

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/1c/1f/c1/1c1fc1342087b200f6a226bc5a0b4a8b.gif)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on February 19, 2016, 06:06:31 PM
And today I found that of my friends/colleagues remaining at work, one has got an eating disorder (currently doing therapy) and another is stressed to her eyeballs.
It felt different to be the one giving out advice, especially because for one it was almost the same stuff that she had told me before when she was helping me - it's always different when we're addressing someone else's problems, right? :-\
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on February 19, 2016, 06:32:56 PM
Quote
And today I found that of my friends/colleagues remaining at work, one has got an eating disorder (currently doing therapy) and another is stressed to her eyeballs.
It felt different to be the one giving out advice, especially because for one it was almost the same stuff that she had told me before when she was helping me - it's always different when we're addressing someone else's problems, right? :-\

You sound as though you are aware of the great temptation to try and fix others problems for them as a means of not facing your own? Care and help where you can but don't throw everything you have into it and leave yourself emotionally exhausted. It can't end well and then you still have your own issues to face.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Blackthorn on February 20, 2016, 04:18:11 AM
Quote
And just because I think it's important, I'm going to ask you: have you looked for professional help? Either in your GP or a therapist, or the Samaritans?
One thing I've realised is that I can't fight this on my own, and it's ok to ask for help.
You can reply here, or via PM, or not even reply - just please think about it, and don't suffer alone *hugs*

To answer that question, yes I have been seeking help. At first I wasn't until my girlfriend dragged me to the doctor. Because of the suddenness of it all the doctor thought I had seasonal depression and a possible chemical imbalance. They put me on a medicine and did a few blood tests. After the first day I was forced to return to the doctor after having the first serious panic attacks in my life. The depression medicine was changed and I was given anxiety medicine. Those helped a bit for several weeks, but then I started getting worse again, dosage was raised and that did the trick for awhile but stopped working again.

During that time I was going to a therapist, but when the medicine stopped working twice the doctor decided I should see a specialist to get an evaluation of the medicine. So far I've spent three or four weeks getting the run around, therapist wont send me to get the meds checked because they seem dead set on it being something in my head...after several sessions of no evidence of that I've changed therapists to a better known office.

Through this my family and friends have been a blessing, but most of all my girlfriend. She honestly believes it is because of her no matter how mush I tell her it isn't, yet she still supports me every day. I get anxiety problems and general breakdowns when I stay at our apartment so I've been staying at my mothers. It has caused issues and arguments between us, but she never complains much as I'm sure I would if the situation was reversed. She has been a rock even when she's completely aware that we may lose everything we have together, she has faith and doesn't give up on me even when I give up on myself.

Makes me feel a bit guilty honestly.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on February 20, 2016, 06:24:41 AM
Thanks for sharing x

Sometimes I think the 'kissing lots of frogs before...' was created for medication and therapists, hehe
I'm lucky in the sense that my medication works for me, but this time I think I had all the side effects in the leaflet for more than a month before it started working (and on a higher dosage).

That therapist of yours who said things were 'just in your head' sounds like a quack, I'm glad you moved on. I'm firmly in the camp of "mental illness = brain illness", and it needs medication just like an illness in any other part of the body. Unfortunately, because so little is known, in many cases it's still a question of 'try and see how it goes'.
And new developments are being done all the time: I read, and was told, how "bad" the medication I took during my first bout of depression, 18 years ago, and how much better for the rest of the body is the one I'm on now.

Keep holding on.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on February 21, 2016, 02:06:31 AM
Glad you shared with us @Blackthorn (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=41045), and so glad you have strong support from your family and girlfriend. I would like to back up what ScarletBea has said about medication.

I have several physical problems associated with age and must take six different pills a day. For someone who had gone through life only taking an odd aspirin this was very confronting. It is a different health problem from your anxiety, but the problems with medication can still relate .

There are so many different drugs around now that it is never guaranteed that what is successful for one person will work for others. Even one slightly different aspect in your condition will change the effect a particular medicine will have on you. Also if you are taking more than one, for other reasons, their interaction can inhibit their success or even contribute to an unexpected side effect. 

It is a very long slow process to find the right one or the right balance of more than one. Also, it may take several weeks before you feel any benefit, as the results only show slowly. Never be afraid to mention new physical effect you experience, eg headache, upset tum, hard to breath etc. don't just ignore it as something to put up with or unrelated. The doc will often be able to pinpoint it to the medicine and give an alternative.

Just hang in there and don't expect any fast results, these things take a long time to sort out, but hopefully you will begin to feel an improvement in time.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Blackthorn on February 21, 2016, 02:33:43 AM
Silver lining...its the reason I ended up here.

For the first month or so I was just depressed on and off, then about a month in the anxiety hit hard and I found I couldn't convince myself to do much at all but think, wonder, and fret. I wasn't sleeping well, I couldn't take silence, couldn't stand company. I started reading a lot to keep me from driving myself crazy. I hadn't read so much in years, after the first week of re-reading a favorite every day or two I felt well enough to think about writing again. I had come to the main site for a few years now to read the articles on writing, and the short story winners led me to the forum where I would look at the monthly challenge, but I never felt I had the time to join in on the fun. Suddenly I had more time than I knew what to do with, And then I saw the title of this thread just by chance. I don't often believe in signs, but if ever there was one that had to be it, so I joined that day and wrote a story for the contest in about a day. Since then roaming the forum has been one of the few things I can do without worry, and I've rather enjoyed being here.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on March 10, 2016, 06:09:21 PM
The other day I came across this little song about feeling down. It's cute.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5L1YdFcw0A
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on April 03, 2016, 01:20:45 PM
The bike riding getting me more healthy and I also feel better mentally for doing it and it gets me out of the home and forces me to be sociable but sometimes I really don't won't to cycle in rain,mud and wind so brought myself an exercise bike

Now I just need to assemble it!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on April 03, 2016, 02:56:39 PM
That's good for you, Eclipse - I also feel much better after exercising :)


And here's my update, since I've had a few people asking me how I am.

Today marks 11 months since I discovered/accepted I had depression again. These were really difficult months, full of downs and ups, then downs again, and ups again, and repeat. For someone who doesn't like rollercoasters, life keeps throwing them at me, hehe

I am feeling much better - I feel I'm almost ok again :)

Due to medication (still on the high dosage, it'll be a long time until I let go of it), my wonderful GP, very good friends, very understanding people at work - and you all!
Don't ever underestimate the support you gave me, in this thread and just talking books and writing stories and sharing craziness in this forum. You made me laugh when I thought I couldn't possibly do that, you helped me through crying fits, you kept entertaining me with the monthly contest, you gave me ideas to think about and new books to read - see this as a big hand-holding through the day and night, as a big hug you gave and keep giving me.

I think I've reached this point in my original 'writing thing':
Quote
Weeks pass, months pass, a year or more. And you no longer know what depression feels like.
And so I will let this thread go, myself :)
It will still be here for anyone who needs it (I think it has helped others too) - but it will be my turn to help, instead of receiving help :)

 :-* to all
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nighteyes on May 01, 2016, 05:20:41 PM
Just discovered that my last landlady, who had bi-polar, took her life recently. Such a horrible illness. 
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on May 01, 2016, 05:36:27 PM
Just discovered that my last landlady, who had bi-polar, took her life recently. Such a horrible illness.
Wow. So sorry to hear.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on May 01, 2016, 06:35:59 PM
Just discovered that my last landlady, who had bi-polar, took her life recently. Such a horrible illness.
Gosh :( that's awful...

I wish more people talked about mental illness the same way they talk about other illnesses. Then it might make things easier for people suffering to ask for help - it doesn't totally remove the bad thoughts, but it helps, a lifeline before the final step :-\
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nora on May 25, 2016, 07:26:15 AM
Does anyone know, or have heard of some form of meditation or mental exercises to releave from stress, or anxious reactions?
I'm thinking about something to prevent me from breaking down in the days leading to my flight, or in the plane itself.

I've been plagued by nightmares for the last few weeks. Tonight again, for what felt like forever, trapped in a plane that wouldn't take off, then wouldn't take down, falling back in the same dream whenever I shifted close to awareness and back into slumber.

My own general levels of anxiety are sharply on the rise. I'm pecking the skin off my lips, tearing at my fingers' skin, freaking out when people walk behind me at night, and just feeling tense and miserable overall.
Whenever I have a flight planed, I usually feel it like I'm going to die, not in the graphic, imaginary way, picturing a crash, but in the deep, unconscious way, meaning that I feel zero excitement about visiting Bangkok for example, because I'm unable to picture myself making it there. So I'm not even excited or making plans for Scotland either, because there are two flights between me and there. It's about as much wishful thinking as if I fancied myself a character in he world of my own novels. It makes everything gloomier, gives every other experience a feel of "the last time". I'm just being miserable, and the more time approaches, the more I want it over with.

So yeah, if anyone knows easy tricks to sift through the anxiety, please share it!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on May 25, 2016, 08:14:49 AM
*hugs*

I'm not sure if it works, to be honest, but I've heard lots of good things about CBT and mindfulness.

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/mindfulness.aspx (http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/mindfulness.aspx)

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy/pages/introduction.aspx (http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy/pages/introduction.aspx)

http://bemindful.co.uk/ (http://bemindful.co.uk/)

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/understanding-panic.aspx (http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/understanding-panic.aspx)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on May 25, 2016, 11:27:24 AM
Knowing you, you've thought about and researched all kinds of things. I've looked for three minutes online (so of course I am expert.)

I did like this idea:

Load your phone/MP3 player with relaxation or meditation tracks. Practice using these long before you take a flight. That way, you’ll be practiced at slipping into a meditative state quickly.

That seemed the kind of the thing that would appeal to you.
Much good thoughts your way, Nora.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on May 25, 2016, 11:59:35 AM
I'm sorry you're having a rough time @Nora (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40237). I'm not familiar with your exact condition, nor with your history as some other posters clearly are. I'm afraid I can't offer you much more than well-wishes and urge you to meditate. Have you tried meditation? I'm no Jedi Master, but I've arrived at a personal system that really helps me.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on May 25, 2016, 03:19:09 PM
i totally feel you, nora.

myself, i use breathing.  depending on how wound up i am, i'll close my eyes and take at least 10 deep breaths -- there's nothing else except breathing.  nothing else is important.

gives you oxygen (yay!) AND gives your mind something to focus on instead of spinning.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Peat on May 25, 2016, 03:35:26 PM
I've found that exercise can help, although it's sometimes a bit like sticking a plaster on a broken leg.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jeni on May 26, 2016, 12:12:29 AM
Hello Nora,

If you have time to look into CBT or the Mindfulness stuff that Scarlet Bea suggested then I would recommend those as more of a long term plan to help you manage your symptoms/ condition.

Not heard of Mindfulness before but after checking the links it seems to have a solid CBT core so that is definitely something worth looking into.

CBT is very useful - life changing for some (including me) - if you are at a place where you can sit down and go through everything in fine detail in order to identify your triggers and coping (or not coping) strategies in order to train yourself to be subconsciously more aware of your patterns,  especially the early warning signs so that you are more able to get a handle on things and take steps to minimise a pending crisis or maybe even prevent it altogether. It takes time and practice to get it right and is not usually a quick fix.

The Mindfulness thing seems to incorporate a few other strategies which apparently yield the same results, but quicker. I'd personally be a bit sceptical a out this for that reason alone ... but that's probably because I had CBT and that worked really well for me. You might feel otherwise.

NLP is also quite popular with people looking for help with behavioural modifiers... I've not had experience of this one but it appears to overlap with CBT in some respects so that is also something you might want to consider.

I hope you find a solution that works for you, those nightmares sound horrendous.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nora on May 27, 2016, 02:25:24 AM
Thanks all, I'll look into all these links.

I haven't really researched the topic, mostly because my researches on getting rid of phobia all came up with uninteresting methods. Long therapy to delve into the issues behind the phobia is pointless. I'm not going to throw money I don't have at a guy when I know precisely what parts of my screwed up childhood and parental trust issues made me so anxious.
It's a plane phobia, not a car one, or a crowd one. So it's accessory. I could live my whole life without taking planes if I wanted to.
Other short term solutions, especially taking pills, are apparently bad in the sense that your body wants to freak out but is prevented to do so, and some psychiatrist say that it makes the fear worse in your subconscious, with research behind them to prove it.

As for getting "used" to my phobia, again it's a problem, since I have several hundred hours of flight. I've been taking planes around 20 to 40 hours a year since I was 5 years old. My phobia started in my teens and exploded with time, and I stopped taking planes willingly at 18 with relief. I pushed myself to come here, now I just have to get out of it...
But yeah people often suggest I go and get these "classes" about how planes work, look into the cockpit, etc.
No point. I've been visiting cockpits from age 5 to 12, as a "travelling unattended" child.
I've been in big storms and I've seen lightning strike my plane's wings.
I've consoled smaller kids when we took off in the beginning rains of typhoons in Reunion Island. I'm not scarred by lack of experience, or knowledge of how the plane works. My own step dad is an Air France Pilot!
I'm scarred because that's the slot my issues decided to sit themselves in.

So I will definitely try any calming technique. Especially since there are high chances that I won't be capable of listening to music during my trip, all my ipod/iphone batteries being long dead. I need to work on my zen for the weeks before, and the boarding moment, which I usually spent as a snivelling and sobbing mess.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Hedin on May 27, 2016, 03:36:03 AM
My worst flights are those where I forget to charge my Zune (yes I'm one of the few who bought one and yes I think they are better than iPods) and I can't listen to any music.   Even if I have a good book with me the music helps me to zone out better.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on May 27, 2016, 11:32:19 AM
This all just got me thinking about phobias. Mrs. JMack can't submerge her face in water, can't blow up a balloon, can't whistle. It's all about breath and control, and she ties it back to a childhood instance of being literally thrown into the deep end of a pool and sinking to the bottom like a rock before being rescued.

I had my panic attack on the hotel balcNot, and fear of heights since. Though I also was scared doing a rock climb as a teen and the guides simply belayed me back down.

I was very frightened of driving and being a passenger in a car for a number of years, and I link it to a white-knuckle drive with my uncle. Who knows?

There's no point to this post, really. Just noodling.

@Nora (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40237), I think we need to do a fantasy-faction crowdfunding to get you 5 or so external batteries for your music.  ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Doctor_Chill on June 01, 2016, 06:35:03 AM
Sorry I popped away for awhile. This month was, um, not the best to say the least, but while I am doing better in most regards, I do still ask for your prayers. If you want to know, PM me but please don't worry. Just felt I needed to give some vague explanation to this FF family of mine. It wasn't solely schoolwork that held me back from posting mad the second I got back home for the summer.  ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on June 01, 2016, 07:19:30 AM
We can do better then prayers the F-F family is here to listen and support, you take care.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on June 01, 2016, 08:06:20 AM
We can do better then prayers the F-F family is here to listen and support, you take care.

Just as Eclipsse says, we all care about you a great deal.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 01, 2016, 11:16:17 AM
@Doctor_Chill (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=14655), I was frankly hoping you were having a mad passionate romance that left no time for posting. Sorry to hear it was other stuff. If you need a few minutes of crazy (or a few minutes of friend), you know we're here.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 01, 2016, 11:28:09 AM
@Doctor_Chill (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=14655), I was frankly hoping you were having a mad passionate romance that left no time for posting. Sorry to hear it was other stuff. If you need a few minutes of crazy (or a few minutes of friend), you know we're here.
This is what I thought too
And a few minutes of skype chat are available too (5-7 UK time, just start talking !) :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Mr.J on June 01, 2016, 10:57:33 PM
All the best with your health sir Chill. It won't be stuck on your back and bringing you down forever, sending best wishes rather than prayers. Don't think there's anyone listening to them anyway.

Have a smiling gay man to send good thoughts.

(http://i.amz.mshcdn.com/JpOJV9h81WrnD5nh6vIyNGEKYW0=/fit-in/1200x9600/http%3A%2F%2Fmashable.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2012%2F11%2Fthumbs-up.gif)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on June 01, 2016, 11:02:02 PM
Sorry I popped away for awhile. This month was, um, not the best to say the least, but while I am doing better in most regards, I do still ask for your prayers. If you want to know, PM me but please don't worry. Just felt I needed to give some vague explanation to this FF family of mine. It wasn't solely schoolwork that held me back from posting mad the second I got back home for the summer.  ;)

take all the time you need, man.  we'll still be here for you when you get back.

/highfive
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nora on June 02, 2016, 02:35:21 AM
Aha, smiling gay men are quite the thing.  ;D I work with a few of them and the latest recruit has a dazzling smile.

As for you Chill, yes, take your time, and my best wishes as well. Don't hesitate reaching for any of us if you need it. You're the community's black puppy after all, we want to look after you!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Doctor_Chill on June 02, 2016, 04:03:44 AM
Thanks everybody. Really means a lot.

As I said, I'm on the road to doing better. Just need patience since everything decided to hit all at once. Anyway, I'll probably be gone for most of June as well, to which I'll try my best to sort out my big problem that's hitting me everyday now and then, but I'll primarily be away from here because I'm taking two summer classes for the first part of that term. Busy, busy, busy.

I'll still try and pop in when I can. And again, thanks for all the well wishes. Glad to have a community of friends that support me even if I can't see all y'all's lovely faces. ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: SugoiMe on June 02, 2016, 08:49:59 PM
@Doctor_Chill (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=14655) - A little late to the game here, but sending prayers and sentiments your way. We're hear for you whenever you need us.

All the best with your summer classes!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 03, 2016, 05:23:58 PM
Hi, me again.
Same thread, different illness.
I want to tell you because you got me through one, you'll get me through another.

I've got breast cancer.

But please, don't worry too much. I'm a fighter, I'll fight this too :)
I'll have surgery in the next few weeks, nothing's decided yet.

This is all I'm saying for now.
Thanks for the general good wishes while I waited for the results, and a big tight hug for the special people who waited with me, and gave me all the right words - you truly are good writers :-*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on June 03, 2016, 05:28:24 PM
Big massive hug and love to you xx
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on June 03, 2016, 05:32:52 PM
shit.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saurus on June 03, 2016, 05:38:38 PM
 :'(

Much love, many hugs and the best of wishes for a fast recovery, Scarlet <3 You'll pull through, I know it!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on June 03, 2016, 05:50:42 PM
Well that sucks.  :(

Hope you get better asap!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on June 03, 2016, 06:21:55 PM
That really sucks.  :( :(

But as you said, you'll fight it off.
And we are here for you, helping in any way we can.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Doctor_Chill on June 03, 2016, 06:24:07 PM
You got this, Bea! We'll always be here for you anytime you need.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 03, 2016, 06:29:18 PM
Geez, sorry to hear that @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020). Cancer really does seem to be swarming all around me these days. But yeah, you're definitely a fighter.
Do keep us informed. I'd say we've proven we care.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 03, 2016, 06:37:57 PM
And from here. But you know that already.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Hedin on June 03, 2016, 07:18:58 PM
Instead of trying to find inadequate words of best wishes and fighting through it I figure a cake would be most appropriate here:

(http://i.imgur.com/VWxYykA.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: tebakutis on June 03, 2016, 07:24:53 PM
But please, don't worry too much. I'm a fighter, I'll fight this too :)
I'll have surgery in the next few weeks, nothing's decided yet.

This is all I'm saying for now.
Thanks for the general good wishes while I waited for the results, and a big tight hug for the special people who waited with me, and gave me all the right words - you truly are good writers :-*

*hugs*

So very sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I have complete faith you'll beat this thing. Just know we're all looking forward to hearing about how you totally kicked cancer's ass.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saraband on June 03, 2016, 07:27:35 PM
Bea, life doesn't want to give you a break. But fuck it. You'll get through this one too, and we'll cheer you on all the way.

Lots of love, and we're here whenever you need  ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Mr.J on June 03, 2016, 08:07:17 PM
Ahh I'm so sorry Bea :( I know you'll get past it though, so rest and stay strong!

You got this!
(http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8jnvliqtz1r7qsdw.gif)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: xiagan on June 03, 2016, 09:30:24 PM
Aww, shit. So sorry to hear, Bea.

Good to know that you have way more experience in fighting illnesses than most other people. Now that will come in handy. :) I'm sure you'll kick cancer's ass!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on June 04, 2016, 12:02:49 AM
Hating that it turned out that way, ScarletBea. We will all be here for you every single step in this next battle. Hugs.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nora on June 04, 2016, 08:29:06 AM
Wow, what a year Bea! It sucks huge time, for sure, but I'm confident you'll beat it, after all you have great chances against it, and if anyone is a fighter, it sure is you.
Besides, following the adage that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, you can look forward to being made out of Adamantium once you're over that hurdle as well. What a prospect!

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/92/0a/7c/920a7ca72de9e0bd3a2a01c4d18b9241.jpg)

Not sure it'll make you asian though...

Sends you best of love, and will be seeing you soon!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 04, 2016, 03:03:42 PM
Thanks all for your words :-*

It was weird waking up today, I had to remind myself that it hadn't been a dream.

I've just made a list of all the things I'm glad happened, or didn't happen, as I am in this point in time. They help get me to the right frame of mind.
It might be balderdash, but I've read that being positive helps, hehe :)

Now this afternoon I've got a ton of paperwork to read (all hail the NHS and its staff!), that I didn't touch yesterday.
And I know I should keep away from 'doctor google', except for the official website hehe

As I told this morning to some of the ladies of the charity shop where I volunteer, I hope they don't make me wear pink and bows now - that's so *not* my style ;) ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on June 04, 2016, 03:13:47 PM
I wear pink and bows for you! Well maybe not the bows.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Justan Henner on June 04, 2016, 04:25:11 PM
Best wishes, Bea. You know we're here for you. You've got this!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nora on June 04, 2016, 04:34:39 PM
Yeah please stay away from google. I've magically recovered from at least three cancers and 2 heart attacks by those standards, though I failed to tell the flu from the common cold until it was too late. Bah!
At least breast cancer is well known and well treated, and the UK isn't some backwater, you'll be taken care off, you won't even have to start a meth lab for it.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Justan Henner on June 04, 2016, 04:41:58 PM
At least breast cancer is well known and well treated, and the UK isn't some backwater, you'll be taken care off, you won't even have to start a meth lab for it.

Oh, that never made sense. He was a public school teacher. The one thing we state workers have is good pensions and good health coverage.

see, we can't even count
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Mr.J on June 04, 2016, 05:01:08 PM
At least breast cancer is well known and well treated, and the UK isn't some backwater, you'll be taken care off, you won't even have to start a meth lab for it.
Yea, might not be for much longer...

But yes there's a lot of help and care out there for breast cancer stuff. :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jeni on June 04, 2016, 06:18:06 PM
So sorry to hear that Bea.

Sending positive thoughts and good wishes your way.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Peat on June 04, 2016, 10:29:40 PM
Really sorry to hear that Bea. But fully believing in your fighting abilities :) My best wishes to you and those who'll be supporting you through this time.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on June 04, 2016, 11:27:38 PM
Really sorry to be reading this Bea. Goodwishes and get well soon.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on June 05, 2016, 03:26:23 AM
Before @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) turns into that magnificent image from Nora with adamantium talons, she needs some awesome fighters on her side. As well as ice cream rations for the army.

For starters sending you this determined warrior lady

(http://orig09.deviantart.net/51b8/f/2011/328/f/7/fantasy_warrior_by_ralexndr-d4h5xq4.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 05, 2016, 06:53:35 PM
Ooooh I like those ladies :D

By the way - feel free to ask questions.
I've had a few PMs/mails where people apologise for asking things, and I really don't mind. If I do, I'll just ignore you ;)
I keep thinking I knew things, and I really didn't.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on June 05, 2016, 07:06:30 PM
Ooooh I like those ladies :D

By the way - feel free to ask questions.
I've had a few PMs/mails where people apologise for asking things, and I really don't mind. If I do, I'll just ignore you ;)
I keep thinking I knew things, and I really didn't.

you already know my question:  how can i help?

i HATE not being able to affect an issue.  being powerless to help drives me insane.  can i send flowers?  chocolate care packages?  do you need me to fly out and apartment-sit for a bit?  can i take you to disneyland?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 05, 2016, 07:11:33 PM
Aawww all these offers! :D
Thanks so much, but nothing is needed.
About Disneyland, I'm not much of a theme park person, I'm scared of rollercoasters hehe

Keep posting here (I won't be able to go online while in the hospital, I think, I'll miss you guys, but until then, and afterwards, my home is here :) )

There a person from here who now has my address and said is going to send me a card - if you find that, I wouldn't say no to a card, it's always nice. So do some detectiving hehe 8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on June 05, 2016, 07:39:34 PM
Lets find Beas address and post saucy seaside cards.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Peat on June 05, 2016, 08:37:31 PM
We're building Bea an army are we? I like this plan.

(http://www.wizards.com/mtg/images/daily/arcana/1700_chandrafull.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 05, 2016, 09:13:40 PM
Cool 8)

A funny thing that I remembered today.
When my sister and I were little, watching cartoons or Disney movies, there was always the bit where the heroine was in trouble, or the baddie came out really strong. My sister came up with this sentence for those moments, to help her believe that everything was going to turn out right: "But she is brave!", to which my mum always repeated and reassured her/us "Yes, she is brave"
It became a 'family thing', to say this when things were a bit wobbly, hehe

Today, finally telling my parents, I ended up with "But I am brave!" ;D

So yep, I am, and thanks for building up my army 8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 05, 2016, 09:22:20 PM
That's a good little story there, Bea. And a good attitude.

(https://i.warosu.org/data/tg/img/0373/34/1421095707588.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: xiagan on June 05, 2016, 09:32:28 PM
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/02/a0/21/02a021b42a4db8eea850772cd563c6f6.jpg)

(it's small, because Bea likes it that way. :D Remember: height=350)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on June 05, 2016, 09:37:32 PM
There a person from here who now has my address and said is going to send me a card - if you find that, I wouldn't say no to a card, it's always nice. So do some detectiving hehe 8)
I know your email address, but even with that to help I'm at a complete loss here.  >:(
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 05, 2016, 09:39:55 PM
I meant home address... real address.
There are 2 people now who have it. Some easy hints: one because he's a close friend despite being far far away, and another because he's too electric and lazy to actually look for the original person ;D
(you can ask them)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on June 05, 2016, 09:44:07 PM
I meant home address... real address.
There are 2 people now who have it. Some easy hints: one because he's a close friend despite being far far away, and another because he's too electric and lazy to actually look for the original person ;D
(you can ask them)
Yeah I got that, what I meant was that even given both your name and your email address, I have no idea how to find your real address!  :P

I'm guessing that the first is Nighteyes, and the second is... m3m?  :o

That'd be cheating though... unless you didn't actually mean that it's possible to find your address online.  :-\
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 05, 2016, 09:48:11 PM
Wow, I hope that it's not possible to find my home address online :o
I meant simply that 2 people here had it, and if you wanted it, you could ask them hehe

Nighteyes is very nice but sorry, not a really close friend (yet?) - and he's not far far away, he's just down in London!
First person also once started a thread for me :P

And hehe, second you're right - electric and lazy, nice description, eh? ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on June 05, 2016, 09:52:39 PM
I always thought Jmack myself I mean Bea even knows his wife on that skype thingie

I'm so techie I'm just like m3m
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on June 05, 2016, 09:57:43 PM
Wow, I hope that it's not possible to find my home address online :o
I meant simply that 2 people here had it, and if you wanted it, you could ask them hehe
Ahh ok lol. It's not.  ;D

Nighteyes is very nice but sorry, not a really close friend (yet?) - and he's not far far away, he's just down in London!
First person also once started a thread for me :P
I didn't spot the second "far" in "far far away"...  :-[

That hint makes it a lot easier to guess. Our resident Bilbo.  ;D

And hehe, second you're right - electric and lazy, nice description, eh? ;D
Completely spot on.  :P

I always thought Jmack myself I mean Bea even knows his wife on that skype thingie
How do people know these things?  :o
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 05, 2016, 09:59:00 PM
Another warrior for the ScarletBea army!

(http://i.imgur.com/sKOYI2r.png)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on June 05, 2016, 09:59:28 PM
By reading Beas post as I'm a friend unlike you who doesn't bother to read her posts.only kidding
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: xiagan on June 05, 2016, 09:59:54 PM
I always thought Jmack myself I mean Bea even knows his wife on that skype thingie
How do people know these things?  :o
Just read everything that's posted? I thought it was pretty obvious. ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 05, 2016, 10:02:13 PM
You guys are making me laugh SO MUCH ;D

I always thought Jmack myself I mean Bea even knows his wife on that skype thingie
Good man! Actually I don't know her on the skype thingie, I only know her on the email thingie ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on June 05, 2016, 10:02:24 PM
Can I defend Mr Raptori here,Bea does post a lot and it might be easy to miss some things.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 05, 2016, 10:03:59 PM
Ooooh. Eclipse fixed the typo before I could go all funny snarky on him.  >:(
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on June 05, 2016, 10:04:22 PM
By reading Beas post as I'm a friend unlike you who doesn't bother to read her posts.only kidding
I always thought Jmack myself I mean Bea even knows his wife on that skype thingie
How do people know these things?  :o
Just read everything that's posted? I thought it was pretty obvious. ;)
I thought I already had, I must've missed it then. I thought you guys were talking somewhere else without me...  :'(
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 05, 2016, 10:04:46 PM
Ooooh. Eclipse fixed the typo before I could go all funny snarky on him.  >:(
ooooh what typo??
got it ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Justan Henner on June 05, 2016, 10:12:27 PM
By reading Beas post as I'm a friend unlike you who doesn't bother to read her posts.only kidding
I always thought Jmack myself I mean Bea even knows his wife on that skype thingie
How do people know these things?  :o
Just read everything that's posted? I thought it was pretty obvious. ;)
I thought I already had, I must've missed it then. I thought you guys were talking somewhere else without me...  :'(

 :-X  <----- everyone right now.  ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on June 05, 2016, 10:18:22 PM
By reading Beas post as I'm a friend unlike you who doesn't bother to read her posts.only kidding
I always thought Jmack myself I mean Bea even knows his wife on that skype thingie
How do people know these things?  :o
Just read everything that's posted? I thought it was pretty obvious. ;)
I thought I already had, I must've missed it then. I thought you guys were talking somewhere else without me...  :'(

 :-X  <----- everyone right now.  ;)
(https://media.giphy.com/media/QcULAkIc3fkD6/giphy.gif)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 05, 2016, 10:23:34 PM
aaawwww
we don't keep you out, honestly

Here's a hug and a cuddle

(http://i.imgur.com/xIpcxpP.gif)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Justan Henner on June 05, 2016, 10:27:31 PM
So she says.

Haha, really though: a few of us were skyping a little bit while organizing for the writing group, (which you refused :P), but otherwise, no. Unless, I've also been left out of the loop. *gasp*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Mr.J on June 05, 2016, 10:38:38 PM
Some serious FOMO going on right now ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on June 06, 2016, 12:34:35 AM
And hehe, second you're right - electric and lazy, nice description, eh? ;D
Completely spot on.  :P

that guy sounds like my kind of people!


I always thought Jmack myself I mean Bea even knows his wife on that skype thingie

I'm so techie I'm just like m3m

twinsies!!


Some serious FOMO going on right now ;)

i gotcha!  /highfive
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: SugoiMe on June 06, 2016, 01:40:44 AM
Ditto on that FOMO thing, Mr. J.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Justan Henner on June 06, 2016, 04:47:33 AM
Omg, they're making secret languages without me...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on June 06, 2016, 04:55:38 AM
Omg, they're making secret languages without me...

You would be amazed at how much I have learned from the Urban Dictionary. Most educational.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nora on June 06, 2016, 05:33:52 AM
Yeah, Urban dico taught me that a HBIC is a Head Bitch In Charge, which apparently is a legit tag to put on people for the average murican.  :P
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 06, 2016, 07:59:37 AM
Omg, they're making secret languages without me...
;D I also had to google what FOMO is...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 06, 2016, 10:48:42 AM
Omg, they're making secret languages without me...
;D I also had to google what FOMO is...

So did I.

Learn something new every day, in this here internet age.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 06, 2016, 11:09:39 AM
Quote
this here internet thing"?

When I was a boy, you had to wait five hours for your modem to connect to the internet. And it wasn't called the internet back then; it was the world wide web. Which meant - you guessed it - spiders were every where. This whole language about threads and stickies? Guess where that came from?

When I was a boy, you couldn't talk on the phone and surf the world wide web at the same time. And besides, how do you surf a web? That's never made a lick of sense.

When I was a boy...

next player, please!  ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 06, 2016, 11:35:22 AM
Quote
this here internet thing"?

When I was a boy, you had to wait five hours for your modem to connect to the internet. And it wasn't called the internet back then; it was the world wide web. Which meant - you guessed it - spiders were every where. This whole language about threads and stickies? Guess where that came from?

When I was a boy, you couldn't talk on the phone and surf the world wide web at the same time. And besides, how do you surf a web? That's never made a lick of sense.

When I was a boy...

next player, please!  ;D
Boy??
I was in my 20s still with dial-up ;D

And computer games were something than came on a tape and took about 20 minutes to upload, making lots of noise... only to crash at the last minute, and the whole process had to start again 8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 06, 2016, 11:48:20 AM
Quote
this here internet thing"?

When I was a boy, you had to wait five hours for your modem to connect to the internet. And it wasn't called the internet back then; it was the world wide web. Which meant - you guessed it - spiders were every where. This whole language about threads and stickies? Guess where that came from?

When I was a boy, you couldn't talk on the phone and surf the world wide web at the same time. And besides, how do you surf a web? That's never made a lick of sense.

When I was a boy...

next player, please!  ;D
Boy??
I was in my 20s still with dial-up ;D

And computer games were something than came on a tape and took about 20 minutes to upload, making lots of noise... only to crash at the last minute, and the whole process had to start again 8)

You had taped games? Hah. We had to buy a whole game system just to run... Pong!
(which was mesmerizing)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4VRgY3tkh0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4VRgY3tkh0)

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 06, 2016, 11:51:45 AM
ZXSpectrum 8)
You connected it to your TV and a tape recorder.

(http://i2.wp.com/www.retrogamescollector.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/ZXSpectrum48Krev.jpg)

We're totally derailing this thread ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on June 06, 2016, 12:29:44 PM
[

When I was a boy, you couldn't talk on the phone and surf the world wide web at the same time. And besides, how do you surf a web? That's never made a lick of sense.

When I was a boy...

next player, please!  ;D
Phones?  When I was a girl


(http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/tincantelephone_7099.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 06, 2016, 01:28:59 PM
I told some people at work.
Everyone's being really nice, but I fear I'm scaring some of them...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on June 06, 2016, 01:45:40 PM
Scaring them how?  ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 06, 2016, 01:51:42 PM
With my spear and sword, as per the previous pictures, of course ;D

I don't know, it's almost as if they are more worried than I am, hehe
Knowledge is my armour 8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on June 06, 2016, 01:53:54 PM
I knew it.  8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nora on June 06, 2016, 02:43:25 PM
I told some people at work.
Everyone's being really nice, but I fear I'm scaring some of them...

You're not. Unless you're working with people uneducated enough to believe that cancer can be transferred by handshake.

People get scared of illness, because they see in you a potential-dead person, and that reminds them of their own mortality, a prospect pleasing to few, especially if they're not too pleased with their life.
We all very easily forget that any colleague, friend, family member might die tomorrow in a freak accident (or, as I've very recently and sadly experienced, by their own hand), and interact with people as if they were and we are immortal.

Then comes Bea who says she has a life-endangering illness and then these people's mind go :

(http://i.imgur.com/QbWlld8.jpg)

You're at risk of becoming a living reminder that life has an end, or that bad things can happen to even seemingly healthy people. Hopefully only unstable people will think that way and act on it by being standoffish.

Ignore them. Don't pay attention even to their behaviour, please, and don't feel sorry or whatever. You've got your own issues to battle, don't go losing precious time on considering the feelings of others. Who knows. Seriously, you might end up slapped by a truck at 80km/h tomorrow morning, or survive and grow old enough to attend all their damn funerals, but it shouldn't worry you.

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on June 06, 2016, 02:49:43 PM
With my spear and sword, as per the previous pictures, of course ;D

I don't know, it's almost as if they are more worried than I am, hehe
Knowledge is my armour 8)

this is the only thing swirling around in my head right now.

[youtube]5kH0Bag0akc[/youtube]
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 06, 2016, 03:04:20 PM
m3m, how did you discover I ALSO had a magic helmet? ;D

And Nora, I didn't mean it like that: I believe they are scared for me, not for them, hehe
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on June 06, 2016, 03:08:01 PM
m3m, how did you discover I ALSO had a magic helmet? ;D

duh!  because you always make the rainclouds go away!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nora on June 06, 2016, 03:11:44 PM
Aaah! Fweeh! You reassure me. Better surrounded than I am at work then! Not that it should be very hard...
Sorry for my misunderstanding you, but my thoughts stand, in case you do encounter that reaction from anyone.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: SugoiMe on June 06, 2016, 03:29:58 PM
If it's all the same to you guys, I just learned what FOMO is last week.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on June 06, 2016, 03:40:08 PM
If it's all the same to you guys, I just learned what FOMO is last week.

heh.  i remember it from the old verizon wireless commercials during (american) football season.

https://vimeo.com/92346738
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 06, 2016, 03:53:07 PM
Another funny thing:

Marc has just posted my Fantasy-Faction last week (hopefully arriving this week). Drats, if I'd waited in my PM reminding him, I would have chosen a smaller size ;D

But... wait... I will have a shirt with room at the front? Really? :D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on June 07, 2016, 10:14:38 PM
Not for long, surely? Guess it will depend on your health authority but I know two ladies who had reconstructive surgery courtesy of the NHS after tumors were removed.

http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/breastcancer/pages/reconstruction.aspx (http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/breastcancer/pages/reconstruction.aspx)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 08, 2016, 02:07:49 AM
Thanks Rostum

Edit: deleted, TMI ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 09, 2016, 04:36:37 PM
@Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094), @Saraband (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32607) and @Lady_Ty (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=31869) are THE ABSOLUTE BEST :D :D :D :D
in the entire known universe PLUS all the fantasy universes!

I've just received, from them:

- a GIGANTIC flower bouquet!!! I don't even think I've got a vase big enough for it, at the moment it's staying in the plastic thing it came in

- a parcel full of chocolate and biscuits, courtesy choice of our newest scottish

- a HUGE Waterstone's gift card (well, 2 actually, because of the limit)

I am speechless.
It's just... yes, speechless.

And on other news, in 1 week I will most certainly be out of surgery already!!!
I saw the surgeon today, she explained what I'll have to do - according to her, I'll have "the works", since I'm young. I still hope to escape chemo, but it'll depend on what they find when they open me up - I just want the bad Wood* out of my body ;D
Then she went to get her diary to see a surgery date, turned to me and said, I actually have next Thursday morning free, is that ok? :o of course it's ok, the sooner the better, but it was a bit of a shock.
I had the pre-assessment interview, blood taken, and a bunch more paperwork to read...

Then I got home and all that stuff was there for me to pick up :D
*slightly overwhelmed*

*Wood = for those who've read Uprooted. I feel a bit like that, hehe
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Mr.J on June 09, 2016, 04:48:17 PM
Aww such great people here! :D That's a really nice thing you did guys.

Also kind of an evil thing, cos now Bea will be tempted in Waterstones and buy too many books so she'll suffocate after buying them all, it's a trap I tell you! Stay away from their evil plot!

 >:(
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 09, 2016, 04:51:55 PM
now Bea will be tempted in Waterstones and buy too many books
I think I might wait a bit ;)

And, shock horror, people keep telling me I might not be able to read! :o what? don't they know that a single arm is enough to hold a book, turn pages, and so on? pffff
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saraband on June 09, 2016, 04:52:21 PM
@Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094), @Saraband (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32607) and @Lady_Ty (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=31869) are THE ABSOLUTE BEST :D :D :D :D
in the entire known universe PLUS all the fantasy universes!

I've just received, from them:

- a GIGANTIC flower bouquet!!! I don't even think I've got a vase big enough for it, at the moment it's staying in the plastic thing it came in

- a parcel full of chocolate and biscuits, courtesy choice of our newest scottish

- a HUGE Waterstone's gift card (well, 2 actually, because of the limit)

I am speechless.
It's just... yes, speechless.

And on other news, in 1 week I will most certainly be out of surgery already!!!
I saw the surgeon today, she explained what I'll have to do - according to her, I'll have "the works", since I'm young. I still hope to escape chemo, but it'll depend on what they find when they open me up - I just want the bad Wood* out of my body ;D
Then she went to get her diary to see a surgery date, turned to me and said, I actually have next Thursday morning free, is that ok? :o of course it's ok, the sooner the better, but it was a bit of a shock.
I had the pre-assessment interview, blood taken, and a bunch more paperwork to read...

Then I got home and all that stuff was there for me to pick up :D
*slightly overwhelmed*

*Wood = for those who've read Uprooted. I feel a bit like that, hehe

I am so glad we were able to bring such joy, Bea, I truly am :) If you ever get too nervous about the surgery, at least now you'll have an outrageous pile of sugary goods at your disposal!

You've got this, and we're all behind you  ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 09, 2016, 06:06:50 PM
What he said. ^
You know, anyway.  ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 09, 2016, 06:28:06 PM
I do ;D
And one day we will all hug for real, hehe

I've just realised, it's a truly worldwide gift: from the US, via Scotland, to Australia :D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: tebakutis on June 09, 2016, 06:58:22 PM
@Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094), @Saraband (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32607) and @Lady_Ty (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=31869) are THE ABSOLUTE BEST :D :D :D :D
in the entire known universe PLUS all the fantasy universes!

I've just received, from them:

- a GIGANTIC flower bouquet!!! I don't even think I've got a vase big enough for it, at the moment it's staying in the plastic thing it came in

- a parcel full of chocolate and biscuits, courtesy choice of our newest scottish

- a HUGE Waterstone's gift card (well, 2 actually, because of the limit)

I am speechless.
It's just... yes, speechless.

And on other news, in 1 week I will most certainly be out of surgery already!!!
I saw the surgeon today, she explained what I'll have to do - according to her, I'll have "the works", since I'm young. I still hope to escape chemo, but it'll depend on what they find when they open me up - I just want the bad Wood* out of my body ;D
Then she went to get her diary to see a surgery date, turned to me and said, I actually have next Thursday morning free, is that ok? :o of course it's ok, the sooner the better, but it was a bit of a shock.
I had the pre-assessment interview, blood taken, and a bunch more paperwork to read...

Then I got home and all that stuff was there for me to pick up :D
*slightly overwhelmed*

*Wood = for those who've read Uprooted. I feel a bit like that, hehe

I am so glad we were able to bring such joy, Bea, I truly am :) If you ever get too nervous about the surgery, at least now you'll have an outrageous pile of sugary goods at your disposal!

You've got this, and we're all behind you  ;)

Seconded and thirded (or fourth'd, whatever works!)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nighteyes on June 09, 2016, 08:45:46 PM
@Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094), @Saraband (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32607) and @Lady_Ty (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=31869) are THE ABSOLUTE BEST :D :D :D :D
in the entire known universe PLUS all the fantasy universes!

I've just received, from them:

- a GIGANTIC flower bouquet!!! I don't even think I've got a vase big enough for it, at the moment it's staying in the plastic thing it came in

- a parcel full of chocolate and biscuits, courtesy choice of our newest scottish

- a HUGE Waterstone's gift card (well, 2 actually, because of the limit)

I am speechless.
It's just... yes, speechless.

And on other news, in 1 week I will most certainly be out of surgery already!!!
I saw the surgeon today, she explained what I'll have to do - according to her, I'll have "the works", since I'm young. I still hope to escape chemo, but it'll depend on what they find when they open me up - I just want the bad Wood* out of my body ;D
Then she went to get her diary to see a surgery date, turned to me and said, I actually have next Thursday morning free, is that ok? :o of course it's ok, the sooner the better, but it was a bit of a shock.
I had the pre-assessment interview, blood taken, and a bunch more paperwork to read...

Then I got home and all that stuff was there for me to pick up :D
*slightly overwhelmed*

*Wood = for those who've read Uprooted. I feel a bit like that, hehe

Sorry. I am terrible at checking this thread. What a lovely treat and so sweet they got together and organised that. How are you doing? Cancer is horrible but I am sure you can be a heroine and defeat it. XOXOX
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 09, 2016, 08:53:31 PM
Thanks Wolfie xx
I'm a bit overwhelmed by the lightspeed these things are happening... I will be thanking the NHS for as long as I live ;D

Not that I've had much days hehe, but I do have good times and bad times: and on bad times I come here to read craziness and books and feel better hehe

I just had one "scottish caramel shortcake": afterwards I noticed that the little thing (about 5cm/2in x 4cm/1.5in, 2cm height) has got 60% of the RDA for saturated fat :o
I think I have to give the other 3 things in the pack to my colleagues tomorrow, I'm not supposed to be eating as much saturates now, hehe - I'm keeping *everything* else (they told me as long as I've got a balanced diet, everything is fine - ice creams ;D )
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Mr.J on June 09, 2016, 09:12:01 PM
Ice creams are the best medicine, especially these stupidly posh Magnum's they make in London.

(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-q5otOBxWM6Q/VcyQ5OJ-jII/AAAAAAAAMhg/K4oa2ALadU0/s1600/FullSizeRender%2B%25282%2529.jpg)
I realise this isn't the food porn thread but its related to the topic, kinda.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saraband on June 09, 2016, 09:59:10 PM
I just had one "scottish caramel shortcake": afterwards I noticed that the little thing (about 5cm/2in x 4cm/1.5in, 2cm height) has got 60% of the RDA for saturated fat :o

Scots do love their saturated fat, that's why everything can be deep friend around here ;) I do love the Scottish Tablet with a cup of coffee / tea though!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on June 10, 2016, 01:21:35 AM
Glad the treats were a happy surprise @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020), and great news that you have a chance to get treatment fast. So sending many oxoxoxo's because from me they mean you are a special person and deserve VR hugs  ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: SugoiMe on June 10, 2016, 04:54:03 AM
@Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094), @Saraband (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32607) and @Lady_Ty (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=31869) are THE ABSOLUTE BEST :D :D :D :D
in the entire known universe PLUS all the fantasy universes!

I've just received, from them:

- a GIGANTIC flower bouquet!!! I don't even think I've got a vase big enough for it, at the moment it's staying in the plastic thing it came in

- a parcel full of chocolate and biscuits, courtesy choice of our newest scottish

- a HUGE Waterstone's gift card (well, 2 actually, because of the limit)

I am speechless.
It's just... yes, speechless.

And on other news, in 1 week I will most certainly be out of surgery already!!!
I saw the surgeon today, she explained what I'll have to do - according to her, I'll have "the works", since I'm young. I still hope to escape chemo, but it'll depend on what they find when they open me up - I just want the bad Wood* out of my body ;D
Then she went to get her diary to see a surgery date, turned to me and said, I actually have next Thursday morning free, is that ok? :o of course it's ok, the sooner the better, but it was a bit of a shock.
I had the pre-assessment interview, blood taken, and a bunch more paperwork to read...

Then I got home and all that stuff was there for me to pick up :D
*slightly overwhelmed*

*Wood = for those who've read Uprooted. I feel a bit like that, hehe

Aw, that's so sweet! What wonderful, caring, loving people!  :D

And happy to hear you can get in for surgery quickly! That's quite the turnaround. Hope all goes well!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 10, 2016, 12:08:12 PM
Thanks again!

Did I mention I'm going to have a radioactive injection on Wednesday afternoon?
I'll glow in the dark and become superscarlet ;D 8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 10, 2016, 02:14:57 PM
Thanks again!

Did I mention I'm going to have a radioactive injection on Wednesday afternoon?
I'll glow in the dark and become superscarlet ;D 8)

So, are you planning to wear spandex and fight crime, or grow huge and smash monuments?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nora on June 10, 2016, 02:43:34 PM
Well... If you feel like doing it, I think a post in the "Real life experiences for better world building" would be in order!  :P
Though I hope for you it doesn't hurt much more than a normal needle injection!!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 10, 2016, 02:44:55 PM
So, are you planning to wear spandex and fight crime, or grow huge and smash monuments?
I think I prefer... hmmm... throw laser rays from my eyes and fingers to fight crime ;D

*zaaaap*
*fizzzzzzzz*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 10, 2016, 02:59:58 PM
So, are you planning to wear spandex and fight crime, or grow huge and smash monuments?
I think I prefer... hmmm... throw laser rays from my eyes and fingers to fight crime ;D

*zaaaap*
*fizzzzzzzz*

Well... that's OKAY, but a Godzilla rampage would make the evening news more interesting.  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on June 10, 2016, 03:19:47 PM
hey!  that means this is now your official song!

[youtube]ktvTqknDobU[/youtube]
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 10, 2016, 05:45:59 PM
You do realise that I won't shine and throw lasers forever, right?
You're still safe to come near me ;)

(I might save a laser or two for really annoying people, though ;D)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on June 11, 2016, 04:32:16 AM
Introducing another warrior for Bea


(https://secure.static.tumblr.com/89705376136fc2fd0f9388b52c82507c/empsh7a/XZgo2be0v/tumblr_static_tumblr_static_2g9roy7534cg4s00sgcc8wgok_640.png)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Elfy on June 11, 2016, 07:38:48 AM
Introducing another warrior for Bea


(https://secure.static.tumblr.com/89705376136fc2fd0f9388b52c82507c/empsh7a/XZgo2be0v/tumblr_static_tumblr_static_2g9roy7534cg4s00sgcc8wgok_640.png)
Ahh Dazzler, that brings back memories. Marvel were just introducing her about the same time I started to collect comics, way back in the early 80's.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 11, 2016, 01:48:04 PM
I have to share this with you!

I got a leaflet on the post today, something they'd forgotten to give me*, and apparently on top of the radioactive stuff, during the surgery they'll also inject a blue dye to locate the sentinel node.
This dye will make my wee and tears blue for a day or so!!!
How cool is that? 8) I wasn't planning on crying, but now I'll have to, a bit, and then take a photo!
Of course I'm totally ignoring the 2% chance of allergic reaction hehe ;D

* having the big C (or at least BC) is a reader's paradise! The amount of leaflets and booklets and instructions they give you is unbelievable! I love it, of course, on top of the reading I like to have all the information and facts :)

And by the way, currently in Leeds: shopping for some tops with buttons (actually hard to find) and will check Waterstone's too hehe
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 11, 2016, 02:05:47 PM
I have to share this with you!

I got a leaflet on the post today, something they'd forgotten to give me*, and apparently on top of the radioactive stuff, during the surgery they'll also inject a blue dye to locate the sentinel node.
This dye will make my wee and tears blue for a day or so!!!
How cool is that? 8) I wasn't planning on crying, but now I'll have to, a bit, and then take a photo!
Of course I'm totally ignoring the 2% chance of allergic reaction hehe ;D

* having the big C (or at least BC) is a reader's paradise! The amount of leaflets and booklets and instructions they give you is unbelievable! I love it, of course, on top of the reading I like to have all the information and facts :)

And by the way, currently in Leeds: shopping for some tops with buttons (actually hard to find) and will check Waterstone's too hehe

I just love the idea that you have a "sentinel node." You have become a walking science fiction story!  ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on June 11, 2016, 02:17:10 PM
I have to share this with you!

I got a leaflet on the post today, something they'd forgotten to give me*, and apparently on top of the radioactive stuff, during the surgery they'll also inject a blue dye to locate the sentinel node.
This dye will make my wee and tears blue for a day or so!!!
How cool is that? 8) I wasn't planning on crying, but now I'll have to, a bit, and then take a photo!
Of course I'm totally ignoring the 2% chance of allergic reaction hehe ;D

* having the big C (or at least BC) is a reader's paradise! The amount of leaflets and booklets and instructions they give you is unbelievable! I love it, of course, on top of the reading I like to have all the information and facts :)

And by the way, currently in Leeds: shopping for some tops with buttons (actually hard to find) and will check Waterstone's too hehe

I just love the idea that you have a "sentinel node." You have become a walking science fiction story!  ;D

right?!  bea's amazing!

she's transforming into karima shapandar with omega-prime sentinel nanite technology!!

(http://static4.comicvine.com/uploads/scale_small/6/60598/1409474-63785comic_storystory_full_4566991..jpg)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 11, 2016, 05:08:44 PM
I just love the idea that you have a "sentinel node." You have become a walking science fiction story!  ;D
Everyone does, actually, but it's one of those things that nobody knows ;D

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sentinel_lymph_node (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sentinel_lymph_node)

By the way guys: £20 card, gone ;)
(books 2 of the Riyria Chronicles and Erebus Sequence, and a bit of a killer sudoku book I also got to entertain me/my brain in the next few months hehe)
And I might have bought a bit too many clothes (4 shirts and a dress - ohmygawd a dress!) - but I figured that if I have to spend the next couple of months wearing button-down tops, I might as well have a choice ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 12, 2016, 10:03:54 AM
Drats.
As much as I wanted to go for my last run in quite a while, it's drizzling and weird weather, and I can't risk getting a cold just before the surgery (they'd cancel it).
Oh well, pack up my running shoes, bring back my walking shoes - I plan to be walking the 5km as soon as possible!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on June 12, 2016, 02:26:58 PM
Drats.
As much as I wanted to go for my last run in quite a while, it's drizzling and weird weather, and I can't risk getting a cold just before the surgery (they'd cancel it).
Oh well, pack up my running shoes, bring back my walking shoes - I plan to be walking the 5km as soon as possible!

boo.  there's no gym-with-treadmills nearby?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 12, 2016, 02:59:48 PM
boo.  there's no gym-with-treadmills nearby?
erm... actually... :-[
My apartment block has got a gym in the basement with 2 treadmills. That's actually how I started running, but I haven't used it in so long that I completely forgot about it.
Too late now, I don't like afternoon running :P (and I needed to proper mindset hehe)

I've been cleaning the flat and ironing my new clothes - last time in a long time that I'll do that ;D

I also found out that an old uni colleague of mine, to whom I wrote telling about the situation, has got it too :o
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Mr.J on June 12, 2016, 07:11:58 PM
When I first read the blue thing I thought you were going to say you'll post a picture of your blue pee....
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nighteyes on June 12, 2016, 08:01:31 PM
When I first read the blue thing I thought you were going to say you'll post a picture of your blue pee....

And I thought she was working out at a gym with windmills ...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Mr.J on June 12, 2016, 08:08:36 PM
When I first read the blue thing I thought you were going to say you'll post a picture of your blue pee....

And I thought she was working out at a gym with windmills ...
Dona Scarlet Beaxote
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 12, 2016, 08:17:28 PM
When I first read the blue thing I thought you were going to say you'll post a picture of your blue pee....

And I thought she was working out at a gym with windmills ...
Dona Scarlet Beaxote

Fixed that for you.  ;D ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Mr.J on June 12, 2016, 08:23:55 PM
Ah merci sir. Merci.

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 12, 2016, 09:26:52 PM
 ;D ;D

*waves arms a la windmill* (while I still can ;) )

It's all a question of attitude, right?
It will be 3 weeks exactly between my tests and my surgery - as fast as possible, as far as I'm concerned. Everything else is secondary.

That uni friend of mine (she lives in Luxembourg now) just sent me a mail with her story: it'll be over 2 months between her test and her surgery, all because she's been faffing around with internet, 2nd, 3rd and more opinions, doctors all over, just because she doesn't want to lose her breast.

Isn't your life worth more than a breast? Sure, it will be hard to look at myself afterwards, I guess, at least until I get used to it, but I just want the rest of my life to go back to normal as soon as possible :)


And Mr.J, I know this has been a TMI thread, but I definitely draw the line at posting pee photos - although a friend of mine said it might look like the coloured water they use for pad ads ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Mr.J on June 12, 2016, 09:45:48 PM
And Mr.J, I know this has been a TMI thread, but I definitely draw the line at posting pee photos - although a friend of mine said it might look like the coloured water they use for pad ads ;D
(https://media.giphy.com/media/3xz2BNSobMT4kVzh16/giphy.gif)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 13, 2016, 05:07:32 PM
 :D :D :D
Come on, CONFESS!!!

I got home to 2 books in the post :D
Daniel Abraham's Shadow and Betrayal (books 1 and 2 of the quartet)
Megan Whalen Turner's The thief

They *have* to have come from you guys, so who did it? :D

I think I know one, because the paperwork had 'customer name' hehe, but not the other. Although I wonder if they came from the same house, because of the people who praise that book here ;)

I love you guys!!! :-*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on June 13, 2016, 05:25:23 PM
(http://www.animated-smileys.com/emoticons/animated-smileys-angels-011.gif)


Hope you like them!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 13, 2016, 05:29:06 PM
I've been getting little tears all day from all the nice mails and messages that colleagues were sending me (and I didn't even tell all of them what it was, just that I'd be out for a few months due to medical conditions)...
Your presie got me all emotional again...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on June 13, 2016, 06:25:30 PM
Good emotional, I hope!  ;D

Oh, btw, here's what I thought of the Queen's Thief series (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/fantasy-book-discussion/what-are-you-currently-reading/msg128695/#msg128695) in case you were wondering what on earth that one was! Think you'll like them. LPQ obviously you've heard all about from me, and it was on your LibraryThing wishlist.  8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 13, 2016, 06:30:54 PM
Good emotional, I hope!  ;D

Of course :D

Quote
Oh, btw, here's what I thought of the Queen's Thief series (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/fantasy-book-discussion/what-are-you-currently-reading/msg128695/#msg128695) in case you were wondering what on earth that one was! Think you'll like them. LPQ obviously you've heard all about from me, and it was on your LibraryThing wishlist.  8)
Oh cool! And hehe you did a bit of detectiving yourself ;) funny, because I put it there because of what you and @Saraband (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32607) wrote about it here!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on June 13, 2016, 06:41:29 PM
Oh and also found this:

The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner (http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)(http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)(http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)(http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)(http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-empty.png)
The Queen of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner (http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)(http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)(http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)(http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)(http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-half.png)
The King of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner (http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)(http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)(http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)(http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)(http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)
A Conspiracy of Kings by Megan Whalen Turner (http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)(http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)(http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)(http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)(http://www.aiuacreative.com/images/star-full.png)

So it's another one that starts off "good" and ends up "awesome", just like Ketty Jay and Long Price. Seems to be a theme there...  :P

Quote
Oh, btw, here's what I thought of the Queen's Thief series (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/fantasy-book-discussion/what-are-you-currently-reading/msg128695/#msg128695) in case you were wondering what on earth that one was! Think you'll like them. LPQ obviously you've heard all about from me, and it was on your LibraryThing wishlist.  8)
And hehe you did a bit of detectiving yourself ;) funny, because I put it there because of what you and @Saraband (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32607) wrote about it here!
8)

Made me worry that you might buy it with your gift cards though, but thought you'd have some others that you'd get first - Riyria Chronicles actually came to mind funnily enough!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 14, 2016, 06:43:26 PM
Thanks a lot, @Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094), for a *real* card that arrived today :D

It's now on my shelf next to the other one.
xx

Wow.
Just think.
I'll be out of work for the next few months now (sorry to those currently looking for one, but I could really use the break!)
 :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 14, 2016, 07:46:11 PM
I'm really glad to see all the support you are getting @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020).

Remember, you receiving this amount of affection really means something.  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 14, 2016, 08:54:41 PM
Thanks all, it really is amazing, I never expected.

And for those still worrying about the little things, don't, it seems I got myself a lift to the hospital on thursday.
I hadn't asked the 2 closest friends because I have to be there really early, it'll be just a driving thing, and they have little boys.
Today another friend/colleague saw how I was and offered to take me - and I said yes. She'll pick me up at 6.15am.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 15, 2016, 03:43:10 PM
*fizzzzzz*
*zaaaaaap*
It's radioactive ScarletBea here 8)

Honestly, after it was done I was like "Really? That was it?" :o
A scratch and a pin and done.
People saying (on forums) that it was really painful, and then this ::) I'll never believe them again hehe

I then had a chat with my key contact nurse and she was also incredibly reassuring, saying that I'm probably imagining things will be much worse than they will actually be, hehe
And that it's perfectly normal to have up and down days.

I feel much better today, anyway!
Bring on tomorrow! ;D
(but bye, boobie :'()
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 15, 2016, 06:59:42 PM
*fizzzzzz*
*zaaaaaap*
It's radioactive ScarletBea here 8)

Honestly, after it was done I was like "Really? That was it?" :o
A scratch and a pin and done.
People saying (on forums) that it was really painful, and then this ::) I'll never believe them again hehe

I then had a chat with my key contact nurse and she was also incredibly reassuring, saying that I'm probably imagining things will be much worse than they will actually be, hehe
And that it's perfectly normal to have up and down days.

I feel much better today, anyway!
Bring on tomorrow! ;D
(but bye, boobie :'()

OMG you have me humming "Bye Bye Blackbird", but with new lyrics.  :o
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 15, 2016, 07:08:06 PM

I feel much better today, anyway!
Bring on tomorrow! ;D
(but bye, boobie :'()

Good that you're getting so much good support, and that your spirit is strong. But a shame that you're having to give up a part of your body. I'll be honest: the thought is a bit of a phobia of mine.

Are you going have reconstructive surgery?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 15, 2016, 07:14:18 PM
OMG you have me humming "Bye Bye Blackbird", but with new lyrics.  :o
;D I''m so glad MrsJmack knows about me, hehe

But a shame that you're having to give up a part of your body. I'll be honest: the thought is a bit of a phobia of mine.

Are you going have reconstructive surgery?
In the end, it's my whole life vs. a small part of my body, so for me there was no long thought process.
Sure, it will be hard to see at first, but for another 50+years of life? Hell yeah!

And most probably, although it can only be done next year - all the other treatments I'll almost certainly have to do affect the skin, so I have to wait until it's settled.
But it's amazing how good the prosthesis are - I was shown them, and photos of women wearing them, nobody will notice (unless they have to see you naked hehe)

(another TMI post? sorry :-[)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 15, 2016, 07:42:58 PM

And most probably, although it can only be done next year - all the other treatments I'll almost certainly have to do affect the skin, so I have to wait until it's settled.
But it's amazing how good the prosthesis are - I was shown them, and photos of women wearing them, nobody will notice (unless they have to see you naked hehe)

(another TMI post? sorry :-[)

TMI? No, not at all. I have become a firm believer in society speaking openly about illnesses, physical and mental.

And hey, the more you share with people the more they can support you.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on June 15, 2016, 11:42:23 PM
@ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020), I'm in your tomorrow and just want you to know that for the next few days there will be so many people all over the world thinking about you and sending good vibes and love. We don't expect to hear from you for awhile but pretty certain that first chance you get you will be on line and reading, so even though you're peeing blue you're still part of the F-F family.

Learn this message by heart and keep thinking it because it's true. xxxx

(http://www.searchquotes.com/sof/images/picture_quotes/93_20120717_065520_DearMe1.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Saraband on June 16, 2016, 08:55:45 PM
Just got a message from @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) saying that she's all okay, that it was easier than expected, but that she is too sleepy now  :) I'm sure she won't mind me sharing the good news  :D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 16, 2016, 11:52:10 PM
Hello, everyone. I received this text from @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) a few hours ago about her surgery.

Quote
Hi all went ok. Had 2 friends here, chatted. Feeling sleepy but less than before. Everything better than I expected! Let people know :) Big hugs x
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 17, 2016, 12:30:01 AM
Hello, everyone. I received this text from @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) a few hours ago about her surgery.

Quote
Hi all went ok. Had 2 friends here, chatted. Feeling sleepy but less than before. Everything better than I expected! Let people know :) Big hugs x

That's great news.  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on June 17, 2016, 01:30:11 AM
Great to hear! (http://boincstats.com/image/emoticon/happy.gif)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Hedin on June 17, 2016, 02:31:13 AM
Excellent news, thanks for passing it along!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 17, 2016, 07:19:02 AM
Ta da, it's me!
No pain, but keep almost fainting when I get up - probably because I couldn't eat yesterday (felt sick at thought of food)
Haven't looked at it yet (got dressings anyway)
Stupid bird outside since 3am! Made me sleep with fingers on ears ;D
Breakfast soon!
Bye!!!!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on June 17, 2016, 07:25:41 AM
Welcome back and typing  ;D Can't keep a good Scarlet down for long. 8) Hope you soon get  appetite back and the food is good. Can't send you cakes on iPad but will be looking for ice cream later. ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 17, 2016, 09:47:01 AM
Well,ups and downs.
Doctors said that medically I can go home today, but i can stay one more night if needed. Not sure

Oh, surgeon named Akhtar! In my mind he's Akhbar and says It's a trap! ;D see what you did to me? Hehe
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Henry Dale on June 17, 2016, 10:22:19 AM
Well,ups and downs.
Doctors said that medically I can go home today, but i can stay one more night if needed. Not sure

Oh, surgeon named Akhtar! In my mind he's Akhbar and says It's a trap! ;D see what you did to me? Hehe

Great. Now I have the image of Ahkbar wearing a doctor's uniform in my head :P
Glad you're getting better Bea. Keep it up!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on June 17, 2016, 11:43:22 AM
YAY! Welcome back, Bea!  :)

Oh, surgeon named Akhtar! In my mind he's Akhbar and says It's a trap! ;D see what you did to me? Hehe
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
OMG. Now my face hurts from all the grinning...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on June 17, 2016, 12:42:55 PM
(https://www.whatsuplife.in/kolkata/blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/ice-cream.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 17, 2016, 12:47:40 PM
Yay! I actually think I'm getting ice cream tonight.
Moron nurse was asking me about food yesterday when I woke up and I think I missed half the choices.
At least part of the lunch now was a surprise hehe
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 17, 2016, 02:07:03 PM
Damn it @Lady_Ty (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=31869), now I really want a bowl of ice cream.  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 17, 2016, 03:18:46 PM
Another fantasy-related doctor! The consultant anaethesist was called Agniezca - argh I can't spell it, anyway, the Uprooted girl ;D

My friend was just here for over an hour and I even managed to walk a bit down the corridor!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: tebakutis on June 17, 2016, 03:38:37 PM
Another fantasy-related doctor! The consultant anaethesist was called Agniezca - argh I can't spell it, anyway, the Uprooted girl ;D

My friend was just here for over an hour and I even managed to walk a bit down the corridor!

Hooray! Keep up the updates. It's great to hear how things are going. :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 17, 2016, 04:44:51 PM
You do realise I only post the good updates... not the ones where I'm bawling my eyes out ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: SugoiMe on June 17, 2016, 05:05:01 PM
@ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) - So happy to hear things went well. I'm impressed with how strong you've been through this whole process. You're a trooper!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nighteyes on June 17, 2016, 05:55:32 PM
IT'S A SURGERY!


Welcome back, Scarlet!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on June 17, 2016, 08:39:34 PM
IT'S A SURGERY!

heh.  at first, i thought you misspelled "sugary" -- because i was enthralled by the ice cream.

welcome back, bea!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 17, 2016, 08:50:36 PM
IT'S A SURGERY!
A girl surgery ;D

Ta all. Difficult times, as I took a peek...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: xiagan on June 17, 2016, 08:51:49 PM
Welcome back! Glad you're (more or less) okay!  :-*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on June 18, 2016, 08:14:44 AM
Bit worried you're in a hospital with fantasy folk, who else is lurking around there? At least Agnescia is strong, but General Akbar could be a pain in the neck, chasing nurses with calamari men. ;)

Maybe you should tell us who else you suspect from those nearby? Have you had a good meal yet?

(http://www.lacioccolateriaprincipeumberto.com/Coppa%20cioccomenta.jpg)





Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lanko on June 18, 2016, 08:21:45 AM
No worries, she has Jorg Honorius Ancrath as her bodyguard and Jalan is also there telling jokes and obviously smuggling all that ice cream into her room  ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 18, 2016, 08:43:22 AM
 ;D
I wish!
Ice cream last night was a half-melted vanilla pot, and I had to remind her to bring mine.
Hopefully I'll go to my friend's today and have more sweet options hehe I need to build my strength, right? ;)

And I think one of the night nurses might have been Lightbringer Karis, she was amazing and cute ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 18, 2016, 10:43:16 AM
I found my off button!
Surgeon checking wound pressed there and I was off hehe fainted like a Jane Austen heroine. Well, not really, they didn't let me even though I wanted to...
 ;D
Ok now, leaving later
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 18, 2016, 04:29:14 PM
@Rostum (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40251), thanks so much for your lovely card :D
My friend stopped at my place to pick up my suitcase and your card was there in the post!

I'm now at hers, and using my laptop, which makes it much easier to write :)

Edit: I forgot to say that I was had a note to pick up a parcel (or something bigger than a letter, at least) from reception, but I'll only be able to do it during the week. I wonder what it is - could be the F-F t-shirt, finally heheh
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 19, 2016, 03:55:06 PM
For my Fantasy-Faction-Forum lovelies, for all you've done for me:

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/69/3c/ff/693cff2e54e6cc99da8460e33949450b.jpg)

and

(http://demandware.edgesuite.net/sits_pod26/dw/image/v2/AAWA_PRD/on/demandware.static/-/Sites-wilton-project-master/default/dw04ad798c/images/project/WLRECIP-669/Tall-Black-Forest-Cake.jpg?sw=502&sh=502&sm=fit)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 22, 2016, 12:05:41 PM
Some news:
All continues to be ok :)
I'm doing much better than I and everyone (except the doctors!) expected - apart from some arm movement range, needing to rest a lot, and some itching on the bandages, I'm basically normal, hehe

I even look normal, not some half-body Frankenstein monster ;) Although for me, that half still doesn't feel like *me*... we'll get there :)

I keep getting cards and presents!
Today was a card from the ladies at the charity shop where I volunteer and a book from Wolfie (Lady Ty, I now have Rivers of London!), and yesterday my sister sent me a crafts set, everything to knit 2 bunny rabbits ;D

My friend is really lovely, but I might go back to my home over the weekend - I think one week is enough and I miss my TV series ;) (still haven't seen this week's GoT grumble grumble)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 22, 2016, 12:56:05 PM
And remember the old adage: "After three days, fish and guests smell bad."  ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 22, 2016, 02:13:54 PM
Great to hear @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020). Keep on keeping on.  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 22, 2016, 03:00:28 PM
And remember the old adage: "After three days, fish and guests smell bad."  ;)
hehe definitely not just 3 days in this case, but she's left me pretty much at ease.
And I'm not much in the way. They've gone out and I'm now home alone :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on June 23, 2016, 04:55:27 AM
So pleased you have Rivers, ScarletBea, Wolfie has best taste ;D
Now you have it maybe you will enjoy and find some urban fantasy is fun. 8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 24, 2016, 04:57:59 PM
More news...

I had the results of last week's surgery today, and while the 'big thing' is clear and went ok, I'm going to need surgery again :(
They found C cells on some of the lymph nodes they took, and now they're going back and clear them all up, just to heal me properly.

Another general anaesthetic, another stay in hospital, argh - this is exactly what I didn't want.
Oh well.

At least I'm going to my home later today, stay there 12 days, then come back here to my friend's after the second surgery hehe

*deep breath*
*continuing to go on*
 :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Mr.J on June 24, 2016, 05:20:01 PM
Ah just one last step! The worst is behind you now though, that's out of the way.

Rest for 12 days, read lots. Don't read the news or the comments. Sorted. :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 24, 2016, 05:26:09 PM
Ah just one last step! The worst is behind you now though, that's out of the way.

Rest for 12 days, read lots. Don't read the news or the comments. Sorted. :)
Not exactly 'last', since afterwards there will be chemo, potentially radio and finally tablets for years, hehe ;D

I'm not having much success staying away from news/comments either, but I'm more resigned - I have better things in which to use my strength ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Mr.J on June 24, 2016, 05:43:15 PM
Ah just one last step! The worst is behind you now though, that's out of the way.

Rest for 12 days, read lots. Don't read the news or the comments. Sorted. :)
Not exactly 'last', since afterwards there will be chemo, potentially radio and finally tablets for years, hehe ;D

I'm not having much success staying away from news/comments either, but I'm more resigned - I have better things in which to use my strength ;)
Last major step. :)

And yea I bet, just wish I could block myself from clicking on the politics thread here.  ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Arry on June 24, 2016, 07:31:37 PM
Ah just one last step! The worst is behind you now though, that's out of the way.

Rest for 12 days, read lots. Don't read the news or the comments. Sorted. :)
Not exactly 'last', since afterwards there will be chemo, potentially radio and finally tablets for years, hehe ;D

I'm not having much success staying away from news/comments either, but I'm more resigned - I have better things in which to use my strength ;)

Sorry to hear you have to another surgery :( But, better to get everything taken care of.

Definitely use your strength for better things than worrying about politics. Like kicking cancer's ass and reading good books.  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 24, 2016, 08:43:30 PM
Thanks a lot, Arry - I definitely will ;D

I'm back in my home, which feels lovely.

I had a great surprise getting here in the post: a card, with a dragon and its eggs, from Germany! Thanks so much, @xiagan (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=1148) :D
And I loved a particular sentence that you wrote, I'm going to add it to my signature 8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 24, 2016, 10:06:06 PM
Another day, another surgery. No big deal.  ;) 8)

Glad you're home, SBea. Glad you have a bit of a break before the next round of docs.
Keep up the spirit. We all got this.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 24, 2016, 10:40:37 PM
Welcome home, @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020). And look on the bright side: Maybe the rest of us will come up with a cool fantasy-esque name for new as a result of all of this.  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on June 24, 2016, 11:27:05 PM
ScarletBea, so happy to hear you are at home again among your own books and everything you are fond of. Sorry to hear there is another op, but hopefully not so huge. Definitely time to read as long and as often as you like.  ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on June 25, 2016, 09:12:47 AM
Sorry to hear that you need another surgery, Bea, but I'm glad to know that the doctors are being thorough.
Keep your fighting spirit up and get well! You have all of us in your corner.  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 28, 2016, 12:50:56 PM
Ok, confess!
WHO HAS MADE ME CRY? :'(
Who are the 2 people that made me blub this morning???

...
...
...

I had 2 packs in the post :D

One has got Eli's first two books, printed out via that company that Lady Ty mentioned in another thread, CreateSpace:
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-9_my8h9lfVc/V3JjWEbNBCI/AAAAAAAAHkY/YXZzYSbrVpw0ge_RTOcXSxfjoiDJZWOiQCCo/s640/DSCN3514.JPG)

And another had 2 books, a DVD, a box of chocolates and 2 fluffy toys (a dragon and a goat!!!!):
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-F4nifZQocm0/V3JjVp7OmqI/AAAAAAAAHkQ/da50E-tUHP0rU-A0nCpNG8Jkhsj8OrQCgCCo/s640/DSCN3513.JPG)

And zero info about the senders!!!

Honestly guys, I don't deserve all this, I'm completely speechless :-* :-*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 28, 2016, 01:02:35 PM
Quote
Honestly, guys, I don't deserve this. 

^ pish  :P
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 28, 2016, 01:56:12 PM
Ok, confess!
WHO HAS MADE ME CRY? :'(
Who are the 2 people that made me blub this morning???

...
...
...

I had 2 packs in the post :D

One has got Eli's first two books, printed out via that company that Lady Ty mentioned in another thread, CreateSpace:
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-9_my8h9lfVc/V3JjWEbNBCI/AAAAAAAAHkY/YXZzYSbrVpw0ge_RTOcXSxfjoiDJZWOiQCCo/s640/DSCN3514.JPG)


That was me. A little while ago a book blogger pointed the page out to me, and convinced me to send her printed copies. Something clearly didn't turn out quite right with the image for A Clash of Shadows, but as with people it is the inside that matters, right?  ;)

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 28, 2016, 02:14:49 PM
Thanks A LOT, Eli!
That's just so amazing, they look fab :D

The only thing missing from a 'normal' book is page numbers hehe
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 28, 2016, 02:15:35 PM
Thanks A LOT, Eli!
That's just so amazing, they look fab :D

The only thing missing from a 'normal' book is page numbers hehe

Ah. I need to look into that.

And you're welcome.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 28, 2016, 07:29:19 PM
......
come on!

I *really* need to know who sent box 2.
It came from the UK, that I know - let me investigate if there's a post stamp...

Nope, and I can't read the barcode >:(
*curious curious curious curious curious*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Hedin on June 28, 2016, 07:33:46 PM
Well who have you given your address to that's in the UK?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 28, 2016, 07:36:53 PM
 :P
I have only given my address to Jmack, he's the one that's been distributing it to anyone who asks, all behind my back so I could be surprised ;D

Oh, and to Wolfie, but he's already sent me a book.
And Marc/Overlord, for the F-F t-shirt (that still hasn't arrived ::)), so I doubt it would be him, he's far too busy.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Mr.J on June 28, 2016, 07:40:16 PM
......
come on!

I *really* need to know who sent box 2.
It came from the UK, that I know - let me investigate if there's a post stamp...

Nope, and I can't read the barcode >:(
*curious curious curious curious curious*
Well it wasn't me cos I have no money. :D

Good to see they're all looking after you here though, try not to eat those choccies too quickly like I would. ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 28, 2016, 07:46:37 PM
I really wish I could share all of them with you - if anyone would like to visit, I may not have much food at home at the moment, but there's certainly enough chocolates and biscuits ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on June 28, 2016, 07:47:32 PM
Well who have you given your address to that's in the UK?

The dentist?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 28, 2016, 08:01:50 PM
Well who have you given your address to that's in the UK?

The dentist?
;D
That's the one who does *not* have my address, as I still use my old dentist in Portugal (the only one that doesn't scare me) - I don't mind paying, it's worth it

I'm sure if @Eurog (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37319) was nearer I might be persuaded to change, though ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nighteyes on June 28, 2016, 08:09:12 PM
Well who have you given your address to that's in the UK?

The dentist?
;D
That's the one who does *not* have my address, as I still use my old dentist in Portugal (the only one that doesn't scare me) - I don't mind paying, it's worth it

I'm sure if @Eurog (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37319) was nearer I might be persuaded to change, though ;)

Is in the answer in the Secret Threads?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on June 28, 2016, 08:12:44 PM
Arturo Perez Reverte is a Spanish author hmmm who would know a Spanish author to recommend?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Kitvaria Sarene on June 29, 2016, 01:24:16 AM
I just now found this threat, and read it from the very start.
First off - I'm hugely proud of you all being able to speak (or rather write) so openly about real life crisis.
I found that speaking is really the first necessary step to getting better.
I love the positivity in this forum and especially in this thread!

And secondly - much love and good thoughts to you Bea! Really shity that'll you'll have to have a second surgery, but from what I read you really are a fighter, and you'll get though this better than most people could!
I really hope it'll all work out and you'll soon be able to be back at your friends and then back at home!

(Wanted to give you another fighter for your army, but I'm not intelligent enough to work a picture into the post - especially on the phone...)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 29, 2016, 06:08:12 AM
Thanks a lot, Sarene :)
One of the main reasons I am/was able to fight whatever comes my way is that positivity you mention, the support I get from Fantasy-Faction people, and every single word posted here.

In the meantime I'm continuing my investigation.
I thought it was Eclipse, but no (I asked ;))
The goat shows that's someone from the 'insider group', but I'm running out of ideas, when I check those that have already sent things... unless I'm really missing the obvious
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nighteyes on June 29, 2016, 06:53:21 AM
Thanks a lot, Sarene :)
One of the main reasons I am/was able to fight whatever comes my way is that positivity you mention, the support I get from Fantasy-Faction people, and every single word posted here.

In the meantime I'm continuing my investigation.
I thought it was Eclipse, but no (I asked ;))
The goat shows that's someone from the 'insider group', but I'm running out of ideas, when I check those that have already sent things... unless I'm really missing the obvious

Look in the secret threads ...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 29, 2016, 10:06:19 AM
Look in the secret threads ...
hmmmm
I think the secret threads say it was you 8)
The little elves working in the background... the books that hardly anyone has heard about... the cool series that I never got a chance to watch on TV but I know I'll love... and I assume you didn't find a wolfie fluffy toy, so had to make do with dragon and goat (which are now looking at me!)
 ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nighteyes on June 29, 2016, 01:34:55 PM
It's not me!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on June 29, 2016, 01:39:27 PM
I'm Spartacus!

Is it Saraband?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 29, 2016, 01:47:38 PM
It's not me!

I'm Spartacus!

Is it Saraband?
I don't think so, he sent the big scottish box!

Ok detectives, I really need your help!
All the english people that know about the goat thing have either already sent things or told me it wasn't them. Assuming I trust their words, I'm lost.
Geoff, was it you? calling @G_R_Matthews (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=31990)! (not sure if you know about goat)
Doug, @Idlewilder (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=13358), could you be lurking and just not posting?
Marc, @Overlord (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=1), have you been sending post? (ditto for goat)
@Peat (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=41189)? (another newbie who I think doesn't get the goat)
Am I missing someone key? :o
(let me go browse the members list...)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: G_R_Matthews on June 29, 2016, 05:51:16 PM
It's not me!

I'm Spartacus!

Is it Saraband?
I don't think so, he sent the big scottish box!

Ok detectives, I really need your help!
All the english people that know about the goat thing have either already sent things or told me it wasn't them. Assuming I trust their words, I'm lost.
Geoff, was it you? calling @G_R_Matthews (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=31990)! (not sure if you know about goat)
Doug, @Idlewilder (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=13358), could you be lurking and just not posting?
Marc, @Overlord (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=1), have you been sending post? (ditto for goat)
@Peat (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=41189)? (another newbie who I think doesn't get the goat)
Am I missing someone key? :o
(let me go browse the members list...)

It was not me, Fair Lady.

(Don't think I have your address :) )
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on June 29, 2016, 08:53:46 PM
Ok detectives, I really need your help!
All the english people that know about the goat thing have either already sent things or told me it wasn't them. Assuming I trust their words, I'm lost.
Geoff, was it you? calling @G_R_Matthews (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=31990)! (not sure if you know about goat)
Doug, @Idlewilder (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=13358), could you be lurking and just not posting?
Marc, @Overlord (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=1), have you been sending post? (ditto for goat)
@Peat (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=41189)? (another newbie who I think doesn't get the goat)
Am I missing someone key? :o
(let me go browse the members list...)
Rukaio?  ???
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 29, 2016, 09:07:36 PM
(Don't think I have your address :) )
Well, not if you threw it away - you did send me The stone road last year ;D

Rukaio?  ???
eeek, I forgot him!!! :-[
sorry sorry sorry
Dearest @Rukaio_Alter (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40087), was it you?
You've been away!!!

Seriously guys, you have no idea how much this is messing me up :P ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 29, 2016, 09:23:37 PM
(Don't think I have your address :) )
Well, not if you threw it away - you did send me The stone road last year ;D

Rukaio?  ???
eeek, I forgot him!!! :-[
sorry sorry sorry
Dearest @Rukaio_Alter (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40087), was it you?
You've been away!!!

Seriously guys, you have no idea how much this is messing me up :P ;D

Now I'm tempted to give out misleading hints, but I'll refrain.  :P
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on June 30, 2016, 02:03:47 AM
Maybe the kind present giver is super shy and could tell you by DM?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Hedin on June 30, 2016, 02:18:17 AM
Maybe the kind present giver is super shy and could tell you by DM?

Kind of reminds me of something I did for my best girl friend growing up (who I also happened to have an unrequited crush on since we were in elementary school).   She went to a different college and one week she just had a really bad week so I decided I would send her flowers as a pick me up.   I sent them anonymously as I was 18 or 19 and sending flowers to a girl who knew I liked her but I was just sending them as a friend rather than romantically and I was unsure then how that would play.   Anyways she ended up getting them but then freaking out because she thought someone was stalking her.   I told her it was me when we talked next which calmed her down but they didn't really pick her up as I had hoped.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 30, 2016, 04:01:29 AM
Maybe the kind present giver is super shy and could tell you by PM?
Yes please!
I promise I'll keep your identity a secret from the general public, if that's what you want.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Nighteyes on June 30, 2016, 06:58:43 AM
Maybe the kind present giver is super shy and could tell you by PM?
Yes please!
I promise I'll keep your identity a secret from the general public, if that's what you want.

You could put their identity in the secret threads?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 30, 2016, 09:30:34 AM
I'm really tempted to create a 'secret thread' in the Writing Group section (the only one you can't access but I can ;) )
Although there are many people there, so it wouldn't really be secret :P
 ;D


Giving some news, I'm a bit annoyed that I've been doing all my exercises to regain normal movement on my arm/side (not there yet), but all that will be pointless when I have the second surgery next week, I'll have to start from scratch.
And it really hurts when I stretch my arm in certain positions, when I unconsciously move to that side in my sleep and when I have weird feelings in the bit that's no longer there >:(

Sorry - not such a good night... but the sun is shining and I'll feel better soon :) (even better if I found out about the secret sender - yes, GUILT TRIP!!!! ;D)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 30, 2016, 10:17:17 AM
What do you call the steps the steps s from a cell on death row to the electric chair ?

A guilt trip!

(Exit, stage left.)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on June 30, 2016, 06:12:33 PM
OOOH OOOH!  I HAVE A SECRET!!

(and, no, it's not the same one bea is trying to ferret out)

hee hee!  i'm so excited!  i can't wait!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on June 30, 2016, 06:23:07 PM
Going to be a dad again M3m.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on June 30, 2016, 06:36:22 PM
OOOH OOOH!  I HAVE A SECRET!!

(and, no, it's not the same one bea is trying to ferret out)

hee hee!  i'm so excited!  i can't wait!

Put it in the secret threads. I'll pm you the link.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Hedin on June 30, 2016, 06:48:02 PM
OOOH OOOH!  I HAVE A SECRET!!

(and, no, it's not the same one bea is trying to ferret out)

hee hee!  i'm so excited!  i can't wait!

Eurotrip?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 30, 2016, 07:05:36 PM
My guilt trip worked and I found out my secret sender, and I just want to give a big  :-* - they will remain anonymous as desired 8)

And yay m3m, what what?
I feel Hedin guessed again.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on June 30, 2016, 07:09:40 PM
they will remain anonymous as desired 8)
No fair!  >:(
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Hedin on June 30, 2016, 07:11:05 PM
I feel Hedin guessed again.

Would be nice if I could guess the right lottery numbers at some point.  Or even a Pick-6 at the racetrack would be wonderful.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 30, 2016, 07:13:24 PM
I think I'm actually lighter by about 300g. Is that how much a boobie weighs?

My weight actually always floats about 1 kg around an average point, either way, so maybe I'm mistaken. Then again, learning anatomy online shows that was pure fat ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on June 30, 2016, 07:13:41 PM
ha!  i LOVE all the guesses, but so far, nobody has it right.

not spilling the beans, but i am stupidly excited.  so much so, that i (obviously) couldn't contain myself!  i'm hoping i get to share within days and not weeks.

tho, i'll tell you if you guess right -- but no one will!  as a hint, bea will be the first one to know.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on June 30, 2016, 07:18:16 PM
Ooooh, new pack! ;D

Honestly, without wishing anybody to be ill in any shape or form, I do hope that one day I will be able to repay, or retribute, all the incredibly amazing nice things that everyone is doing for/to me :-*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Hedin on June 30, 2016, 07:21:40 PM
Making an EDM video game?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on June 30, 2016, 07:38:46 PM
Making an EDM video game?

it would totally be called "ooonce, ooonce" and have an animation of me flailing my arms in the air like a madman.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 01, 2016, 06:43:23 PM
I met 2 friends/colleagues for lunch today, and they gave me the card and present that people at work had gathered for me :)

And guess what? That 'presentation of who I am' that I did shortly before leaving actually worked, because they didn't give me useless stuff, but rather... amazon gift cards!!! And a LOT of money too :o :D

I also saw the surgeon for next week (another new one from the team) - I think I preferred the other one, in terms of chatting and explaining things, but as long as she's good (and I was reassured by my nurse hehe), I'm not there to make friends ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 05, 2016, 10:30:41 PM
Just slipping here that I might be away from the forums for a day... nothing to worry, just my second surgery's tomorrow :)

(I might be all ready to post in the evening, though, hehe)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on July 05, 2016, 10:39:25 PM
Just slipping here that I might be away from the forums for a day... nothing to worry, just my second surgery's tomorrow :)

(I might be all ready to post in the evening, though, hehe)

love and luck!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on July 05, 2016, 10:57:57 PM
Best wishes and hope all goes better than expected again.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on July 06, 2016, 01:09:09 AM
What a slacker. I want you posting while the ether goes into your lungs. Sheesh.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 07, 2016, 07:08:19 AM
Hi all!
Jmack posted my text in the other thread, so you know I'm fine.

It took me a lot longer to feel 'normal' and keep my eyes open this time, but I finally got there.
Pain on the drain was also stronger, they gave some liquid thing on the drip.

Nurse's just been to check blood pressure and she always ends up writing down the numbers from the leg (top closer to 105) because she thinks my arm is low (around 90) - but my normal is 95, so 90 is perfectly right after a surgery, hehe

I'm finally feeling hungry, yesterday I just had a tea - but I think breakfast will come soon :)

(just realised, is it too much information? Let me know!)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on July 07, 2016, 07:52:02 AM
Glad that you are feeling hungry and fine, Bea!  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Raptori on July 07, 2016, 10:12:59 AM
Not tmi at all! Great to hear you're doing well, long may that continue.  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Hedin on July 07, 2016, 12:42:25 PM
Glad everything seems to be going ok!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on July 07, 2016, 01:37:43 PM
Great to hear you're doing well and excellent sign that your appetite is back. Crossing fingers food better than last time. ;D
Found you a new warrior, hope he helps recovery. ;)

(http://orig11.deviantart.net/d2aa/f/2015/104/3/f/toad_rider_by_clintcearley-d8ett8f.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on July 07, 2016, 02:06:18 PM
I'm finally feeling hungry, yesterday I just had a tea - but I think breakfast will come soon :)

what kind of tea?


(just realised, is it too much information? Let me know!)

no. way.

we want any information at all about how you're doing.

btw -- jocelyn is sending you get well vibes too!  (i keep her updated on how you're doing)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: tebakutis on July 07, 2016, 03:01:36 PM
I'm finally feeling hungry, yesterday I just had a tea - but I think breakfast will come soon :)

So glad you're doing good, Bea!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 08, 2016, 09:08:04 AM
You guys all gave me an army and now I have a super body ;D
They'd told me that this time I'd have to carry the drain around for 5-7 days, yet it's day 2 and it has just been removed!!!
Imagine having a tube stuck on your side, under the arm - carrying the tube plus bag attached everywhere you go. Not nice. Although the removal bit... Ouch!!! They just pull it out.
But it was the really nice good looking nurse who did it, so happy Bea ;D

Going home (to my friend's) this afternoon :D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Mr.J on July 08, 2016, 03:31:49 PM
You guys all gave me an army and now I have a super body ;D
They'd told me that this time I'd have to carry the drain around for 5-7 days, yet it's day 2 and it has just been removed!!!
Imagine having a tube stuck on your side, under the arm - carrying the tube plus bag attached everywhere you go. Not nice. Although the removal bit... Ouch!!! They just pull it out.
But it was the really nice good looking nurse who did it, so happy Bea ;D

Going home (to my friend's) this afternoon :D
Good! Get rested and chill the week(end) away.  8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on July 09, 2016, 07:44:51 AM
I've had a bad week I feel so ugly and self conscious about my face. I use hope relief moisturiser a natural based cream it ran out this week to combat eczema from Australia it's wonderful the best find ever for myself the cream is brown not white.my face felt dry and flakey so I used e45 stupidly in desperation until I could get some more.E45 is too strong for my sensitive face and my nose and cheeks are blotch and red I hope it fades within a week as I don't feel like going outside looking as I do at the minute.

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on July 09, 2016, 08:00:59 AM
Sorry that E45 was so bad, Eclipse. Is Hope's sold in chemists in UK or only through Amazon? If you knew it was in a nearby chemist it may be worth a quick shopping trip so you can get your skin better more quickly.  Hoping the effect will soon wear off.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 09, 2016, 08:10:28 AM
Poor you, Eclipse.
Can I suggest you try "Simple" moisturiser? I know it's in the women's section, but nobody needs to know you're buying it for yourself. It's very good for sensitive skin, no added chemical ingredients.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on July 09, 2016, 08:11:54 AM
 alongside with my anxiety it not a good mix.i be okay just feeling a bit down this morning I fight this.my 18 month old niece is coming today so I can play with her and forget all about it for a short while.

Never seen hope relief in chemist I just buy it from amazon.

I will try simple Bea

I have used acupuncture in the past when it flared up badly before, I know people are doubtful about it but I believed it worked for me.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on July 09, 2016, 11:51:51 AM
If you are stuck drop me a PM with what you need and your address. I am an Amazon Prime member so if I order before 17:00 today it will be with you tomorrow. More than happy to help if it does help?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 10, 2016, 08:03:05 AM
You get these crazy/silly 'insights' sometimes...
I realised that any illness is a big argument between your body and your brain, each one wanting to do things that the other can't.

Recovery is being much harder this time, much slower. My body just wants to lie down, close eyes, not move, while brain keeps saying "that's boring, let's do things, go out, read more, play with the 4-year old... And don't forget to do the exercises if you don't want your arm to shrivel and die" (even my brain is prone to exaggeration ::))

Eclipse, in your recent case, I bet your body wants to go out and do things, but then your body got the super eczema and made your brain take a step back (I hope it's better today!!)

I think this happens even with a simple cold. Unfortunately I was never very good with negotiating skills hehe

(apologies in advance for all the rolling eyes this post will cause - I'm actually already at that stage myself but I can't delete ::) ;D )
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on July 10, 2016, 11:41:32 AM
I can laugh and roll eyes if you really want me to, SBea. But i was finding the post clever and interesting, so it would require a bit of an argument between my brain and my body.  ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 11, 2016, 08:20:56 AM
Thnaks.
I'm going through an angry stage atm... >:(
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on July 12, 2016, 09:15:31 PM
So what news or are you still doing angry?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 12, 2016, 09:28:58 PM
Hey :)
No, today was much better. I think it could have been because I had a very good night's sleep, hehe

Top arm's feeling is slowly returning, which means it hurts a bit more. I still can't feel anything in my armpit: can you imagine how weird it is, I move my left hand and touch my right armpit, and I know I'm touching it, but I feel nothing? Zilch, nada! And to think that it could potentially stay like this forever? (I don't know, but they had to cut through some nerves)

I'm still at the stage of regularly checking my arm during the day, see if all's normal. I know I will eventually reduce the number of checking times, but I will have to take care of this arm for the rest of my life, as complications can appear even several years after the surgery... who knew that lymph nodes were so incredibly important? Certainly not me ::)
But I'm not complaining (not much ;)), at least I can have a very long and happy life, taking care of my arm ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on July 12, 2016, 10:14:42 PM
See? Now you can totally empathize with Glokta and his leg and Logen with his finger. You've become a richer reader for all this.  ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on July 12, 2016, 11:48:51 PM
ohh snd Joe is in Harrogate in October. thanks for the reminder @Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on July 13, 2016, 02:01:43 AM
ohh snd Joe is in Harrogate in October. thanks for the reminder @Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094)

Does that mean chance for signed books?
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: SugoiMe on July 13, 2016, 04:40:53 AM
Quote
I still can't feel anything in my armpit: can you imagine how weird it is, I move my left hand and touch my right armpit, and I know I'm touching it, but I feel nothing? Zilch, nada! And to think that it could potentially stay like this forever? (I don't know, but they had to cut through some nerves)

Is it strange that I think this could turn into a hazardous drinking game? Like "Who can get the feeling back in Bea's arm by means of excessive poking?" I hope that doesn't offend in any way.

I just want to poke your armpit with a stick to see if it tickles! I swear! Because seriously, I am deathly ticklish under my armpits and sometimes it really sucks. So I'm kinda jealous!

Changing subject completely, loneliness decided to pay me an unwanted visit today. I slammed the door in its face, but it just plays loud, terrible music to annoy me. Hence why I've posted in a couple threads a few times today. I think it's out to drive me insane, which I admit makes for great writing, but not so much for a positive attitude.

I keep telling myself, all I need is one friend. Just one close friend to be silly and crazy with every once in a while, to go have coffee or play video games, or go for a walk. I've joined a twenty-something group at the church, but so far I haven't clicked with anyone. I'm hoping something works out though. Keep the faith!

I also got a parking ticket today. Blah!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on July 13, 2016, 05:28:13 AM
Think you've just made @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) laugh, @SugoiMe (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40371), hope laughing doesn't hurt. ;)

It must be hard getting settled and meeting people in a new place, can you find a sport to join or a team to try for to meet more people.  Also maybe a volunteering org that needs young people, then you meet who you help but also who else is volunteering with you.

Extra hard when you don't have a job yet because you begin to meet the locals there, but I'm sure you will soon, fingers crossed for you.

BUT look who's around on the Forum this time of day to keep you company -ta da . Saw Lanko here just now as well. :D
You could also be  playing on the generator  from the crazy Writing Contest theme for this month ?? How can you not want to write a story about orphans with cake ?  ::  Must admit having trouble tying them together myself.
When you get blasted by lonely music come on here and shout" Talk to me", you know someone will be around to listen


(https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2015-02/18/19/enhanced/webdr12/anigif_enhanced-buzz-6027-1424307379-16.gif)


.  ;D ;D   


Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eclipse on July 13, 2016, 07:47:18 AM

Changing subject completely, loneliness decided to pay me an unwanted visit today. I slammed the door in its face, but it just plays loud, terrible music to annoy me. Hence why I've posted in a couple threads a few times today. I think it's out to drive me insane, which I admit makes for great writing, but not so much for a positive attitude.

I keep telling myself, all I need is one friend. Just one close friend to be silly and crazy with every once in a while, to go have coffee or play video games, or go for a walk. I've joined a twenty-something group at the church, but so far I haven't clicked with anyone. I'm hoping something works out though. Keep the faith!


Lots of hugs, you doing the right thing by joining a club even if you don't clink with anyone there at the start someone else might join later who clinks with you.Also when you got a club it can be an ice breaker to people when you meet someone new.the worse thing to do is hide yourself from the world by not going outside in my experience. Go and be brave and join a running club

Don't forget this forums either even through I've never met anyone here there are friends to me.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 13, 2016, 09:07:35 AM
Oh @SugoiMe (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40371), I did laugh, and you didn't offend in *any* way ;D (and no, @Lady_Ty (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=31869), laughing doesn't hurt)
And even better, I really needed the laugh this morning!!!

Nobody tried yet, but yep, I don't think I am ticklish on that side anymore, hehe - I'm still extremely easy to tickle in the other side, my feet or my knees (this is a trick that only my dad knows, and it's deadly hehe)

Well done, for joining the group! I think that loneliness was also what got to me in Switzerland in the end (despite the job), and here in the UK all my friends were done through work.
Lady Ty's idea of volunteering somewhere is also quite good, as well as @Eclipse (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=9661)'s running club :)

Thanks @Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094), I hadn't thought of that 8)
And I think @Rostum (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40251) already has all of Joe's books signed - if I remember his big backpack at the Grim Gathering correctly ;D Oh, maybe the latest Shattered Sea books are still blank...
But Joe's not like the others, he doesn't doodle or write anything else except his name :-\

Rostum, if you're driving to Harrogate (vs. getting a train), you can always stop in Huddersfield for a coffee/tea+chat :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lanko on July 13, 2016, 09:35:33 AM
Don't forget this forums either even through I've never met anyone here there are friends to me.

Aww, some hugs for Eclipse too!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on July 13, 2016, 11:43:00 AM
GROUP HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Um. Yeah. Hugs all around. Because we all need 'em.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 13, 2016, 11:49:26 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/oqop2sx.jpg)

(http://i55.servimg.com/u/f55/17/94/66/76/group_10.jpg)

 :-*
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on July 13, 2016, 11:55:32 AM
Quote
Does that mean chance for signed books?

He is signing but mine are all signed bar my duplicate goodreads copy of Sharp Ends. Yes I got 11 signed at the Grim Gathering I thought I got away with that one   :-[. Sorry BEA it's like the North East got dibs on all the names starting with H (bloody viking alphabet) thought that was your town. Thank you for your kind offer of tea and chat. I doubt I will be going up for that, but I applied for a job in Leeds yesterday and will let you know if I am heading up for an interview.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: SugoiMe on July 13, 2016, 03:46:00 PM
Thanks for all the kind words. Really helps and put me in a great mood this morning. You guys are like my therapy group when I need it.

Volunteering/sports is a good idea. I'd like to get into soccer again. I left a message at the soccer board, but that was a few weeks ago and no one's called me back. Maybe if I can find a team or something...

Quote
someone else might join later who clinks with you.

That's what I'm hoping. I'm on the very edge of that group being 29 and a lot of them are college-age people, others I think younger than 25, but I'm a terrible judge in age. I asked about the 30+ group, but they're down for the summer. (Soccer works the same way from what I saw on the website. There's 30+ and then teams looking for someone to join their 22-25 group or something.)

And that's just the thing! Summer! Nothing happens in summer except people going on vacation. And when you're like me and can't afford a vacation and move provinces, it's a struggle.

It's one thing to meet new people, but much harder to make a close friend.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 14, 2016, 10:27:24 AM
I'm home again! :D :D

And that's ok @Rostum (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40251), I thought it was a long way from you, but you said "thanks for reminding me" so I thought you were going after all.
And definitely say something if you go to Leeds :) Good luck anyway!

It's one thing to meet new people, but much harder to make a close friend.
I agree 100%!! Good luck to you too.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on July 14, 2016, 12:36:54 PM
Very glad you are able to be at home at last. Hope finally being among your own things is good ScarletBea, you will sure to have some friends visit, so hopefully not lonely either. ;D
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 15, 2016, 10:05:24 AM
All lymph nodes removed in second surgery were clear :D :D

I'll still have chemo, but now the chance of a rogue cell having travelled to other parts of the body is much lower, I think.
I just got a call from my nurse, I'll suppose I'll get more details from the consultant on Monday.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on July 15, 2016, 10:56:41 AM
All lymph nodes removed in second surgery were clear :D :D

I'll still have chemo, but now the chance of a rogue cell having travelled to other parts of the body is much lower, I think.
I just got a call from my nurse, I'll suppose I'll get more details from the consultant on Monday.

Great news, Bea. Keep up keeping on.  :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on July 15, 2016, 02:08:45 PM
yay, bea!  i'm so glad you're back home and everything is clear!  woot!

work is still ridiculous for me, but i'm trying to make time each day to pop in and get my dose of scarlet news.  this project will be finished by the end of this month and i'll be back in here and make you suffer through my posts again!  promise!

xoxo!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: tebakutis on July 15, 2016, 02:37:27 PM
All lymph nodes removed in second surgery were clear :D :D

I'll still have chemo, but now the chance of a rogue cell having travelled to other parts of the body is much lower, I think.
I just got a call from my nurse, I'll suppose I'll get more details from the consultant on Monday.

Excellent! Hoping for more good news soon!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: SugoiMe on July 15, 2016, 04:24:08 PM
All lymph nodes removed in second surgery were clear :D :D

I'll still have chemo, but now the chance of a rogue cell having travelled to other parts of the body is much lower, I think.
I just got a call from my nurse, I'll suppose I'll get more details from the consultant on Monday.

Yay for clear lymph nodes! And glad to hear you're back at home. I hope rest of recovery is smooth sailing more or less. :) Keeping posted for more good news.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on July 16, 2016, 12:36:01 AM
I got a phone call a couple of hours ago, and a woman I have known all my life has died. She was sixty years old, and she and her husband are old friends of my mother, and their son was a boyhood friend of mine. She'd had lung problems for over thirty years.

I'm sort of wondering at my own reaction, in that I am barely reacting. I rented a room at their place for months about a decade ago, but after that I have had very little interaction with them. I've been fortunate enough that there haven't really been a lot of fatalities around me, but I find myself wondering if my autism affects my grief functions. When I think about it I realise that this is terrible for her husband and children and I feel for them, but I don't find myself struck. If I don't meet someone for a while they just sort of fade into the background of my mind.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Hedin on July 16, 2016, 03:29:14 AM
I tend to be the same way when someone I know well passes.  When my grandma passed away a couple years ago I remember being a little worried that I wasn't reacting much.   It did eventually hit me but it definitely wasn't immediate. 
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Lady Ty on July 16, 2016, 04:14:34 AM
Eli, it is not usual to actually grieve for someone not really close, althoughyuo may be sorry for the family left behind.  There is nothing wrong with your reaction.

Unless a death is unexpected or it is someone in your own family it is sad but I don't believe people grieve. If they are in your own family or a close friend you would be  grieving for the loss of not having them in your life and even more so if they are young. When they are young you would also grieve for the circumstances of their death and all the life experience they will never have.

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 16, 2016, 09:34:49 AM
Eli, I also think that people grieve in completely different ways: some cry lots, others think about the good times they had with that person. Both are right, there is no 'wrong' way to grieve.
I've had different sorts of reactions when my grandparents died, and I don't think they were in any way related to how I cared about them, some grief stronger, some 'lighter'...
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on July 16, 2016, 12:03:57 PM
So glad you're home and bad-cell free, @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020). Are missing lymph nodes now going to complicate other things in life?

@Eli_Freysson (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40309), I'm with the others. Folks pass on, and sometimes it hits us hard, sometimes it doesn't.

Now, if you were to learn that I had passed on, and you weren't wracked with grief, then you should worry.  ;)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on July 17, 2016, 12:56:29 AM
Good news Bea.

Quote
I'm sort of wondering at my own reaction, in that I am barely reacting. I rented a room at their place for months about a decade ago, but after that I have had very little interaction with them. I've been fortunate enough that there haven't really been a lot of fatalities around me, but I find myself wondering if my autism affects my grief functions. When I think about it I realise that this is terrible for her husband and children and I feel for them, but I don't find myself struck. If I don't meet someone for a while they just sort of fade into the background of my mind.

I think everyone reacts very differently to death and I don't know but doubt your autism is actually causing you to feel disassociated in this way. What you are describing happens to a lot of people, you may find a memory in the future will trigger the greiving process or maybe it won't happen at all.

I have dealt with too much death (as far as I am concerned) starting with my father at 5 years old. While I can feel for those left behind I am very aware I don't grieve for the dead the same way as other people do. This can mean I am second guessing myself and am nervous around the bereaved as I am unsure my apparent lack of emotion is acceptable.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 18, 2016, 05:58:44 PM
More good news:
Since all the nodes were clear and they cut everything, I won't need radiotherapy :D :D
No beams into my poor little body, hehe

(http://thelanguagedojo.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/No-Radio-Campground-Park-Sign-K-7947.gif)   ;D

And the scar is looking really good, properly healing, according to the consultant - it still looks a bit weird to me, but I'm really getting used to half flat world 8)

Next stop: Thursday, appointment with chemo doctor.
Bring it on!!!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Rostum on July 18, 2016, 06:07:28 PM
Quote
Since all the nodes were clear and they cut everything, I won't need radiotherapy :D :D

Fantastic news!
I hope that means you will be on the short course chemo, if any at all. best of luck for Thursday.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 18, 2016, 06:10:37 PM
I don't think it's short.
One nurse mentioned 6 x 3-week cycles, but not sure if that's really what I'm getting (decided already) or what she thinks I'll get.
I think I do need the full blast because of the 2 nodes with cancer cells: breast cancer is the one type that spreads like wildfire, which can only be put down with chemo, so those 2 (which actually represent 18% of the total because I only had 11 - some women have 20-30!) might have already done bad things, and we don't want that :)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 21, 2016, 01:22:26 PM
What I said above is true.

And lovely: as if it wasn't enough to have a headscarf to tell the world what I'm going through, I'll also be having a tube (i.e. PICC line) attached to my arm for the next 4.5 months ::)
Advantage: no pricking needles 3 or 4 times every chemo day, hehe ;D

A learning image:

(http://www.macmillan.org.uk/_images/PICC-line-front-labelled_tcm9-45583.jpg)


Line inserted 2nd August, first treatment cycle 4th August.

Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Eli_Freysson on July 21, 2016, 02:38:35 PM
Oh boy. That does not look like fun.
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: ScarletBea on July 21, 2016, 02:52:41 PM
Well, better than the big C and injections/needles all the time 8)
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: m3mnoch on July 21, 2016, 03:13:52 PM
Well, better than the big C and injections/needles all the time 8)

yes!  yes, it is!

no big "C" for you!
Title: Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
Post by: Jmack on July 22, 2016, 11:23:06 AM
Hello, all. At @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020)'s request, I've changed the name of this thread. It's NEW and IMPROVED! And remember, when you post in this thread, you're name will be entered into a sweepstakes with a .000000000054 chance of winning ... one hundred thousand dollars!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on July 22, 2016, 03:49:04 PM
I LOVE THE NEW TITLE!!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: SugoiMe on July 22, 2016, 04:07:54 PM
Love the new title. It better represents this thread and offers hope. And that's kind of what we do here is build each other up. Good choice, @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020)!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on July 22, 2016, 04:30:06 PM
Oh, I didn't choose it, @Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094) did :D
I told him I'd like to change the title, gave a few (bad) suggestions and ended up asking him to decide, since he's the word guy (i.e. writer), not me ;D


And on the note of thanking people for presies, a very big hug to Jen, @sennydreadful (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=3297), who sent me the baby Silver Tide (i.e. normal paperback), with a lovely dragon doodle and dedicated with my 'really becoming curse of choice' Ye gods & little fishes :D

Edit: and yay, just found a card inside too, with the Silver Tide cover! :-* 8)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: sennydreadful on July 22, 2016, 04:35:13 PM
Oh, I didn't choose it, @Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094) did :D
I told him I'd like to change the title, gave a few (bad) suggestions and ended up asking him to decide, since he's the word guy (i.e. writer), not me ;D


And on the note of thanking people for presies, a very big hug to Jen, @sennydreadful (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=3297), who sent me the baby Silver Tide (i.e. normal paperback), with a lovely dragon doodle and dedicated with my 'really becoming curse of choice' Ye gods & little fishes :D

Oh brilliant! I am very glad it arrived safely with you :D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: SugoiMe on July 23, 2016, 03:26:49 AM
Oh, I didn't choose it, @Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094) did :D
I told him I'd like to change the title, gave a few (bad) suggestions and ended up asking him to decide, since he's the word guy (i.e. writer), not me ;D


Oh...well, thank you @Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094) then. But hey, it was your suggestion to change it, so you can at least take some credit. :D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: xiagan on July 23, 2016, 08:14:58 PM
Great title. :)

New C&H comic. Because there are still people who don't get mental illnesses.
(http://files.explosm.net/comics/Kris/pal.png?t=5FA7D2)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on July 23, 2016, 09:10:58 PM
Love it!!!

Because there are still people who don't get mental illnesses.
I really agree with this! Last year I was feeling so much crappier than now, and yet it's only now that I have everybody and their dog offering help... I'm not complaining, of course, but I can't help but noticing the difference, even with my dad.

Note: you guys aren't covered by this comment :-*

Further edit: I would like to still be alive at a time when there's no distinction anymore, and 'mental illness' will be simply addressed as 'brain illness', and treated like any other serious conditions.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on July 25, 2016, 12:01:00 AM
I agree, the new title is a great improvement. And at its heart, this thread is about improvements, isn't it?  :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on July 25, 2016, 05:19:13 PM
I now have a pixie cut (= quite short), looks really nice :D

Fingers crossed not much will fall... I'm having my hair frozen during chemo to prevent it ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on July 25, 2016, 05:39:13 PM
I now have a pixie cut (= quite short), looks really nice :D

Fingers crossed not much will fall... I'm having my hair frozen during chemo to prevent it ;D

Will need pictures of SBea with blue hair.  ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Hedin on July 25, 2016, 05:43:10 PM
I now have a pixie cut (= quite short), looks really nice :D

Fingers crossed not much will fall... I'm having my hair frozen during chemo to prevent it ;D

I have never heard about freezing hair to prevent it from falling out.  Will that also help male baldness for future reference (please say yes)?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on July 25, 2016, 06:07:14 PM
Will need pictures of SBea with blue hair.  ;D
Pixie doesn't mean blue :P

Anyway, ignore weird smile, I was trying not to show many teeth ;D

(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-rLpagPoM4y4/V5ZGCZ2gCYI/AAAAAAAAHnQ/M8KG7_GhRwYQoOQ5rllsc_d7FqOJe8gCACCo/s512/IMG_20160725_175422.jpg)


I have never heard about freezing hair to prevent it from falling out.  Will that also help male baldness for future reference (please say yes)?
Well, it helps while you have it on, but I don't think you'd want to live with this on your head all the time ;)
I still don't know what mine will look like exactly, but I found this ad:

(http://www.rehabmart.com/images_html2/EVO%20Medical%20(EVO)%202011/cap.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on July 25, 2016, 06:39:53 PM
Frozen hair = Blonde plait or pair of auburn plaits surely?

https://images.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fimages6.fanpop.com%2Fimage%2Fphotos%2F37700000%2FFrozen-Sisters-disney-princess-37732286-1600-900.png&f=1 (https://images.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fimages6.fanpop.com%2Fimage%2Fphotos%2F37700000%2FFrozen-Sisters-disney-princess-37732286-1600-900.png&f=1)

see Pixie's can have blue hair = https://images.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fmedia-cache-ak0.pinimg.com%2F736x%2F21%2F25%2Faf%2F2125aff0af3c0c0844575955b09307d9.jpg&f=1 (https://images.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fmedia-cache-ak0.pinimg.com%2F736x%2F21%2F25%2Faf%2F2125aff0af3c0c0844575955b09307d9.jpg&f=1)

Never heard of freezing hair to keep it. Years back a friend got leukaemia and had her head shaved before starting chemo this was done as a charity event and her hair which was sit on long was made into a wig for a terminally ill girl who had already lost hers.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on July 25, 2016, 07:56:43 PM
Recent development :D
It doesn't work with all the drugs, and my doctor said that one of the 4 I'm getting is particularly nasty for hair, so I might still lose it. Then again, I might not lose all, just some. Whatever, hehe
They told me to give it a try anyway, so I'll do that :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Mr.J on July 25, 2016, 08:03:16 PM
Oh well, at least you can get to be a badass like Ripley then I guess?  ;D

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/35/03/6d/35036dee9e1c7c313f506df10325d068.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on July 25, 2016, 08:32:31 PM
I think @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) would disown me if I changed her Forum title to reflect something about Frozen, pixies, and blue hair. But the idea does me make me giggle.   8) :P
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on July 25, 2016, 09:55:31 PM
I think @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020) would disown me if I changed her Forum title to reflect something about Frozen, pixies, and blue hair. But the idea does me make me giggle.   8) :P
>:(
I didn't even dye my hair (crazy colours or not) when I was young!!!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on July 26, 2016, 09:42:31 PM
Sorry, but I have to say this.

I'm a bit scared of the side effects. Not the hair, no. The nausea, sickness, extra risk of infection, bruising and bleeding, extreme tiredness, etc etc and having to constantly check if it's something normal or something I need to call their helpline to get antibiotics or something. The nurse said to call any time, but how do I know?
I'll have to give myself injections too... I wonder if I can use the tube instead?? (another thing to add to my list of questions)

I've stopped reading about it, even in the one forum (official charity) that I was looking. It's too much. Too much random information, too much detail, too much confusion. I'm overwhelmed.

Not a good evening, today... :-\
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Mr.J on July 26, 2016, 09:55:41 PM
Sorry for that Bea, can't really be much help but you will definitely be able to deal with it all in time, just takes getting used to. The nurses will be used to it as well, especially all the cancer charity ones you can deal with, they'd see that sort of reaction a lot I bet.

My BF has had PICC line before, said that although weird at first your body gets used to it pretty quickly, remember not to get it wet and just have to be a bit more careful with yourself. :) Apart from that no biggie. :P

But still I'd say those Cancer Charity places are pretty great, I've heard nothing but amazing things about them all and how much help they are. Maybe having a chat with someone would make things a bit clearer?

Since it's got a bit deep here's a baby goat, because we post goats here or something? Idk the running joke really. :P

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/44/91/31/449131cabd0f6c51259cf881355368a1.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on July 26, 2016, 10:05:41 PM
I don't have anything intelligent to say about the facts of dealing with cancer treatments. All I can say is that I'm sorry to hear you're having a tough time, Bea, but that I know from watching this thread since the beginning that you'll bounce back.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on July 26, 2016, 11:57:48 PM
You got this Bea.

I think it is a good thing you are scared frankly I would be terrified going through what you are going through, but the alternative would be worse.
If you are overwhelmed by it let the nurse know you are overwhelmed. They will be used to it all being too much for patients and will have coping strategies. They really do mean to call them if you are unsure of any symptoms or side effects. Don't worry about it being inconsequential, that's for the medical professionals to decide, let them do their job by letting them know.

I don't think you can use the catheter for the injections, but they will teach you how to do this safely. Easy enough Diabetics inject themselves every day. you won't have a problem. 1 little thing at a time and ask and tell.
Make sure you have people to look after you when you need it and if it is all too much talk and share as you need to.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on July 27, 2016, 12:17:07 AM
sorry the evening is so far from good, lady.  i really, really wish it wasn't.

i don't know what i can do to help, but just know i'll make time for you if you need it.  i'm never too busy for you.  call me.  text me.  email me.  tell me i have grandpa eyebrows.  whatever you need, i'll do what i can to help.

if i was there, i'd totally give you a big hug and share some terrible american chocolate with you.

xoxo.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on July 27, 2016, 01:01:59 AM
It must be horrible to have so many unanswered questions and not know what is ahead, sorry it must get overwhelming sometimes.Can only endorse what Rostum wrote, just don't hesitate to ask your nurse contacts, they are professional, will tell you truth and won't mind your questions that is what they expect and all their patients will be asking similar all the time.

We,re all here to listen even if we can't answer questions.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on July 27, 2016, 07:58:42 AM
Thanks all *hugs*
I guess I'm just used to be all confident and positive and strong, but these are normal feelings for the situation.

For the next 4 days I'm meetings friends (park, dinner, lunch and coffee, hehe, all different each day), I'll make sure I'll strike a balance between enjoying myself pretending that everything is fine and sharing my difficulties with them :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: tebakutis on July 27, 2016, 02:58:12 PM
Thanks all *hugs*
I guess I'm just used to be all confident and positive and strong, but these are normal feelings for the situation.

For the next 4 days I'm meetings friends (park, dinner, lunch and coffee, hehe, all different each day), I'll make sure I'll strike a balance between enjoying myself pretending that everything is fine and sharing my difficulties with them :)

Just sending you *hugs* back. Keep letting us know how things are going, please.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Saraband on July 27, 2016, 05:07:54 PM
We all believe in you Bea, and if the Wheel of Osheim has taught us anything, is that belief does effect change...  ;)

It's okay to be afraid, as it is okay to be defiant. Allow yourself to be human, and if the noise inside your head happens to get too loud at times, just remember that you're one of the lucky ones.  :)

Big hug!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: SugoiMe on July 28, 2016, 03:50:57 AM
Aw, sorry to hear, Bea. Sending hugs your way. Like you said, normal feelings for the situation. But you have meeting with your friends and us here, too, cheering you on and offering what support we can. Hope spending time with friends helps perk you up a bit.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Nighteyes on July 28, 2016, 08:44:45 AM
Sounds like all things considering, you are doing amazingly well. And so lovely how much support you are getting from the community.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on July 28, 2016, 11:36:36 AM
Cheers from here, @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020). I may be always behind on my reading, but not on my hopes for you.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on July 28, 2016, 07:07:11 PM
Yes, hugs and cheers to you, Bea.

The nurse said to call any time, but how do I know?
Well, if you don't know, then you call. Simple as that.  :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: xiagan on July 28, 2016, 07:57:39 PM
Cheers from here, @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020). I may be always behind on my reading, but not on my hopes for you.
^This. :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on July 28, 2016, 11:51:02 PM
I've been reluctant to bring up my issues in a thread that is now primarily about cancer... perspective and all that... but I'd like to put my thoughts down somewhere.

I haven't been doing too great. As I have mentioned before on this site, writing is the only thing I want to do with my life, and close to being my only source of pride.

The Golden Throne space opera serial was a lot of fun to put together. It was my first foray into science fiction, which I never expected to happen, it let me lay out a vast, fun new setting that I will do much more with in the future, and I especially liked my little experiment in telling an epic story: Through shorts, each one about a different person experiencing a different aspect of a huge war, and of the world.

It is easily the work that I am proudest of.

So the fact that it is my biggest failure really stings. True, I have only released six stories of eleven, but my sales have been basically a flatline since the first one. There is no little bump as each entry becomes available.

I guess that my ignorance and dislike for social media is my big Achilles heel in my writing endeavours. Autism makes it hard to take an interest in strangers, and yes, that includes online. It drains time and strength I would rather spend on writing and, frankly, learning the ins and outs of blogging and whatnot feels daunting.

I took a particularly sharp dive today. But as I tend to do I swung back up pretty quickly after hitting my lowest point. I've been asking for advise, and someone on AW has offered to walk me through setting up a proper strategy. The fact remains that I just flat-out dislike doing this stuff, and my new efforts will actually accomplish something for once, but sitting in gloom doesn't accomplish anything, does it?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on July 29, 2016, 10:04:42 AM
Eli, sorry I can't really help with your issue, but I just wanted to say, to you and everybody, please don't think this thread is only about my problem!
And to be honest, no, I don't think cancer is worse than anything else. Last year during the worst bit of my depression I was actually feeling much much worse.

So please, feel free to share your problems and issues and ask for help.
That's only all I'm doing here.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: xiagan on July 29, 2016, 11:42:57 AM
Eli, I get you. A few years ago I self published a short story anthology to "test the waters" of self pubbing before I tried it with novels. I very fast learned that I'm neither good at self-promotion nor at writing frequent posts/blogs/tweets in all the social media channels one needs to stay in. I abandoned the idea of self-publishing for now because of these reasons.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on July 29, 2016, 03:20:37 PM
it's kind of funny.  i almost said "of course it's not your biggest failure, eli!"  but then i thought about it, and realized that kinda implies you've got failures scattered elsewhere. . . oops.

so instead, i'll just state plainly, "it's not a failure, eli."

i know this for truth because you haven't stopped working on it.  it's kind of like the stock market where you haven't actually lost the money until you cash out -- it's only a failure when you quit.  so, don't quit.

it seems cliche, but dory is right.  just keep swimming.

also, isn't there a song or a proverb or something that says "if you're going through hell, for goodness sake, don't stop -- keep going!"
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on July 30, 2016, 02:57:41 PM
Thanks for the kind words, everyone. I took one of the dives the other day, but I am feeling better. I've been seeking marketing and social media advice, and I'm in the early stages of forming a plan to do some low-level stuff that I can actually bear.

also, isn't there a song or a proverb or something that says "if you're going through hell, for goodness sake, don't stop -- keep going!"

It's attributed to Winston Churchill, but possibly erroneously.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 02, 2016, 02:38:31 PM
I'm in hospital, waiting to get my tube put in. There's some delay.
I'm slightly nervous, with that strange feeling that I'll start crying at any moment... not very nice, but I'm trying to overcome it. :-\
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lanko on August 02, 2016, 02:49:24 PM
We are all here for you, and it's all gonna be alright. Hang in there!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: tebakutis on August 02, 2016, 03:02:32 PM
I'm in hospital, waiting to get my tube put in. There's some delay.
I'm slightly nervous, with that strange feeling that I'll start crying at any moment... not very nice, but I'm trying to overcome it. :-\

Sendings hugs and best wishes!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 02, 2016, 03:08:18 PM
We are all here for you, and it's all gonna be alright. Hang in there!

What Lanko said.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on August 02, 2016, 03:09:40 PM
Think of yourself as a cyborg. Yeah, that'll cheer you up. (Love you, Bz. Think rock strong and reed flexible.)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 02, 2016, 05:57:31 PM
Ta all :)
It wasn't so bad in the end...

This is my arm now (and for the next months...):
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-qgaSDL6plgk/V6DPteP5DiI/AAAAAAAAHpM/SaSubq62zn0mYdOAwNp70SxhGoIkD6rtgCCo/s512/IMG_20160802_174119.jpg)

This is all just above the bending (bottom white bit just on it).
Ignore the blood, it'll disappear. Although there's actually a bit more at the moment *looking*, I need to keep an eye out and see if I need to go back and change the dressing...
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on August 02, 2016, 06:09:30 PM
Quote
It wasn't so bad in the end...

Posting on a fantasy reading forum I suspect it will rarely be as bad as you can imagine.
Glad you got through it OK and best of luck for the start of treatment.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 02, 2016, 06:15:01 PM
Posting on a fantasy reading forum I suspect it will rarely be as bad as you can imagine.
;D I really love this!!!
Although to be honest I wasn't really expecting them to use a dagger to cut my arm, then put herbal poultices all over while praying to the gods... 8)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on August 02, 2016, 06:30:07 PM
Nah, no herbal poultices since the NHS cuts. Did they collect all the blood for the rites later on though?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 02, 2016, 09:28:25 PM
Me: how do I shower, is there anything special I should use?
Nurse: wrap your arm in cling film

 ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Mr.J on August 02, 2016, 09:44:32 PM
Me: how do I shower, is there anything special I should use?
Nurse: wrap your arm in cling film

 ;D
My BF just had baths instead when he had his :P
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 02, 2016, 09:48:39 PM
Well, considering I really don't like baths, I couldn't submerge the arm anyway, and I can't stretch the opposite arm (or press on it) due to cording, I'll follow the highly technical advice of the cling film ;D

Although tonight I still feel a bit like a scarecrow, not being able to really do much with either arm (except type hehe) - when I got to my building door I was just staring wondering which arm to use (so silly!), in the end I used both, not to put the extra pressure on either.

I'll just go to bed and read, I guess ;)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Mr.J on August 02, 2016, 10:54:16 PM
Or use this. :)

http://www.boots.com/en/Bloccs-Waterproof-Protector-for-Casts-and-Dressings-Adult-Full-Arm_1712904/
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 04, 2016, 01:54:03 PM
So, here I am, sitting in a reclining chair and getting my drugs through the tube. It's ok, lots of information this first time.
They also give me lunch, tea and biscuits :D

I'm listening to music, reading and now here. Can't feel a thing.

Oh, in the end I'm not using the cold cap thingie. For me the inconvenience and potential effects are bigger than the fact of losing my hair, which I really don't mind. I'll use scarfs and headbands 8)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Hedin on August 04, 2016, 02:33:17 PM
I'm listening to music, reading and now here.

Ignoring the whole getting pumped full of radioactive chemicals, that sounds like an almost perfect day.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 04, 2016, 02:48:43 PM
hehe, just eliminate the beeping of the machines too

Funny you mention the chemicals, I was just thinking that they are like mercenaries that haven't been paid, so go around attacking friends and foes alike.
I just need to make a stand and wait until they pass, hoping the friends haven't been much damaged.

(consequence of fantasy reading ;))

(and btw, I'm pretty sure they're not radioactive hehe)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 04, 2016, 04:28:55 PM
Glad to see you're doing well, Bea. You have some real strength in you.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 04, 2016, 05:44:18 PM
Well, the "during" was the nice time ::)

I'm now home, lying on top of the bed holding my stomach because I just feel so sick/nauseous :( and headache.
I've started taking the medication they gave me (a ton of it!), I hope it starts working soon.
Cold water with a bit of lemon squash seems to help too. I think I'll skip dinner today, blegh

Trying to entertain myself and keep my mind off things, but I didn't last long on the tv...
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 04, 2016, 06:01:31 PM
Well, the "during" was the nice time ::)

I'm now home, lying on top of the bed holding my stomach because I just feel so sick/nauseous :( and headache.
I've started taking the medication they gave me (a ton of it!), I hope it starts working soon.
Cold water with a bit of lemon squash seems to help too. I think I'll skip dinner today, blegh

Trying to entertain myself and keep my mind off things, but I didn't last long on the tv...

yeah.  tv is pretty tritely terrible in general.  it's probably better for you to avoid it altogether.  books are good like that.

tho, speaking of...  anything in the post lately?  does someone check your mail?  asking for a friend.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 04, 2016, 06:07:37 PM
No, nothing so far. I've also been keeping an eye out, linked to one of your posts some time ago hehe

And it was 'guilty secret trash tv' hehe: Say yes to the dress :-[

At the moment I can't focus on my book either. I mean now - not all the time, no, gosh. I did read while getting the treatment.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 04, 2016, 06:22:44 PM
oooh!  maybe listen to them!

audiobooks are cool like that.  you can just lay back and chill.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 04, 2016, 06:25:48 PM
nonononononono
I wouldn't be able to focus on the story, my brain just goes off on trips when I'm listening to people reading...

(*feeling* sick is so much worse than *being* sick: at least if you're sick it only lasts a couple of minutes >:( )
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Hedin on August 04, 2016, 06:32:35 PM
I can't do audio books either.  After about 20-30 minutes my mind will just start wandering and the book would become background noise rather than something I'm actively paying attention to.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on August 04, 2016, 06:50:39 PM
Meanwhile, I really enjoy audio books. I've listened so intently at times while in the car, that I've driven right past my exit. "Oh. That's not familiar. Where exactly am I?"

Clearly there will be difficult times, Bz. Sounds like the right decision on the hair, though.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Mr.J on August 04, 2016, 07:47:08 PM
I have listened to audio books and enjoyed them, but really came down to forcing myself to finish it, as otherwise I just end up falling asleep or not really listening and letting it fade to background noise.

Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 05, 2016, 01:44:13 AM
On the subject of audiobooks, I've never bought one of those, but I have been listening to quite of a lot the HP Lovecraft ones available on Youtube. I put up a post about those recently, but it bears repeating that the reader has an excellent voice for the subject matter, and the fact that they were originally read on magnetic tapes really adds something to the feel. I listen to those quite a lot as I'm tending to something.

In other news, I don't have anything depression-related to share. In fact, I just went to a pub quiz with a friend I haven't spent much time with recently, and we WON! The reward was a beer tower. I don't know if that's the English word for it, but our reward was a three-litre dose of beer. In addition to the two beers I'd already bought during Happy Hour, and the beers that my group won for the halfway-through-question.

Basically what I'm saying is that I'm rather more drunk than I normally get these days,. Especially on a workday. And especially especially the day before going to the gym.
Basically basically what I'm saying is that I'm not writing any of this for any real reason.

Writing this post in a coherent manner was a bit of a chore, let me tell you. We'll see how I'm doing in the morning, and whether I go "Damn, did I write something embarrassing?"
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 05, 2016, 03:08:36 AM
^ ;D
I normally don't think drunken people have anything relevant to say, but, Eli, you just write really funny posts when you are, you sound like a completely different person - almost like m3mnoch ;)
And not embarrassing at all, hehe

I'm happy for you for the pub and the almost-friend and the quiz!


As for me, I'm dry, after throwing up everything in me. I'm scared of even having water because, yes, I threw it up too. I know I will have to drink something in the morning, and then if I still can't keep that down, I'll call the helpline ::)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Peat on August 05, 2016, 04:53:33 AM
Boo.

Well if you can't keep anything down, just remember you can't keep a good woman down either. You'll beat this yet   :D

Should I apologise for that awful joke? I rather think I should but doubt I will.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on August 05, 2016, 09:08:26 AM
I normally don't think drunken people have anything relevant to say, but, Eli, you just write really funny posts when you are, you sound like a completely different person ...
^This.  :)

And, Bea, I hope you are feeling better.


Should I apologise for that awful joke? I rather think I should but doubt I will.
Nah. I feel that everybody here has a pretty good tolerance for jokes... even awful ones.  ;)
I might be wrong though.  :D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 05, 2016, 10:20:52 AM
Nah, it was funny ;D

And I managed to drink a glass of cold milk almost an hour ago that's still inside - fingers crossed, hehe
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 05, 2016, 11:09:15 AM
^ ;D
I normally don't think drunken people have anything relevant to say, but, Eli, you just write really funny posts when you are, you sound like a completely different person - almost like m3mnoch ;)
And not embarrassing at all, hehe

I'm happy for you for the pub and the almost-friend and the quiz!

Well, good to know that my hangovers are good for something.  :)

Yeah, I've had better mornings. No vomiting, because that never really happens to me, but I'm weak and there's a mild, lingering headache. I've just spent the morning firing up Age of Charlemagne again. I'm playing as the Danes, and I've set my sights on conquering the Kingdom of Mercia, starting with Kent. The plan is to reverse history and spread paganism around Europe. Because metal!

Glad to see your stomach seems to be improving, Bea. Not being able to get water in your system sucks.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 05, 2016, 03:27:52 PM
^ ;D
I normally don't think drunken people have anything relevant to say, but, Eli, you just write really funny posts when you are, you sound like a completely different person - almost like m3mnoch ;)
And not embarrassing at all, hehe

I'm happy for you for the pub and the almost-friend and the quiz!

Well, good to know that my hangovers are good for something.  :)

Yeah, I've had better mornings. No vomiting, because that never really happens to me, but I'm weak and there's a mild, lingering headache. I've just spent the morning firing up Age of Charlemagne again. I'm playing as the Danes, and I've set my sights on conquering the Kingdom of Mercia, starting with Kent. The plan is to reverse history and spread paganism around Europe. Because metal!

Glad to see your stomach seems to be improving, Bea. Not being able to get water in your system sucks.

dude -- we're SOOOOO hanging out at the next grim gathering.  i'm so, so, so there.

in other news, since peat opened the door AND bea and eli could use some cheering up this morning (afternoon) -- here's a bad joke:

two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 05, 2016, 04:33:45 PM

dude -- we're SOOOOO hanging out at the next grim gathering.  i'm so, so, so there.

The next... what?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 05, 2016, 06:10:34 PM

dude -- we're SOOOOO hanging out at the next grim gathering.  i'm so, so, so there.

The next... what?

Fantasy-Faction very own meet-up :D :D
This is last year's thread
http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/fantasy-book-discussion/fantasy-faction-grim-gathering-april-10th-f-f-big-breakfast-april-11th/msg94675/#msg94675 (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/fantasy-book-discussion/fantasy-faction-grim-gathering-april-10th-f-f-big-breakfast-april-11th/msg94675/#msg94675)

Probably the last time I felt 100% in my health... ::)

m3m, I didn't get the joke :-[

Still feeling ... erm ... not good :'(
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Mr.J on August 05, 2016, 06:19:38 PM
(https://img.ifcdn.com/images/114f1c123c74de98f4e9df644ca3cc2c5efdd5107935b988e6a8b6a12922e9e6_1.gif)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 05, 2016, 06:27:14 PM
Oh, I just logged in again to say I just got the joke, hehe
Lying on the sofa trying not to throw up what's not there anyway hehe
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 05, 2016, 06:48:46 PM

dude -- we're SOOOOO hanging out at the next grim gathering.  i'm so, so, so there.

The next... what?

Fantasy-Faction very own meet-up :D :D
This is last year's thread
http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/fantasy-book-discussion/fantasy-faction-grim-gathering-april-10th-f-f-big-breakfast-april-11th/msg94675/#msg94675 (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/fantasy-book-discussion/fantasy-faction-grim-gathering-april-10th-f-f-big-breakfast-april-11th/msg94675/#msg94675)

Hmm. Almost every instance of me leaving the country has involved visiting my dad. Stepping out of a geographical area I know sort of goes against my nature, and there is my bank account to think of.

Still...

Anyway, I dropped by to add a little more humour:

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/0a/2f/31/0a2f3156c6b4335022fa646bb2dbe46c.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eclipse on August 06, 2016, 01:59:34 PM
I'm worried about @ultamentkiller (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40103)  and I don't mean his tastes in books, I've not seen him for a while here.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 06, 2016, 02:41:01 PM
I'm worried about @ultamentkiller (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40103)  and I don't mean his tastes in books, I've not seen him for a while here.

i'm sure he's fine.  he popped in yesterday to drop a pretty sweet texas joke on the king's paws.  and, his twitter seems active.  i bet now that he's out of school, he's discovered that pesky thing called real life where motivation is unforced.

/shakesfist

damn you, real life!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on August 06, 2016, 02:41:10 PM
He posted in What are you Watching last week. I would hope that like any other Teenager he is far to busy to hang out with us old fogies all the time.

Edit:meh posts crossed
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 06, 2016, 07:58:22 PM
Meanwhile, the year is 777 AD, and the Kingdom of the Danes is expanding greatly. On their way over to Britain they subjugated the duchy of Frisia, creating a vassal state on the edge of Charlemagne's realm. They then landed in Canterbury and took it, wiping out the Kingdom of Kent.

There were some religious differences and an uprising to contend with, but tearing down churches and replacing them with pagan shrines eventually made the new order of things clear.

King Sigfred then took London from a faction of Mercian separatists, and Winchester from the Kingdom of Wessex.

After spending some time establishing order and re-arming, the Danes then freed Caerwent from Wessex, restoring the Kingdom of Glywysing and gaining a loyal ally on the British Isles.

Sigfred then robbed Mercia of Lichfield, their final holdout. He is currently repairing the damage done in the battle and preparing to demolish the abbey, and bracing for a fierce counterattack by the remaining Mercian forces, and their Wessex allies.

ODIN!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 06, 2016, 08:59:20 PM
erm... wrong thread? hehe

Still feeling like crap, but atm a little less crap.
I hate this. >:(
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on August 06, 2016, 09:13:47 PM
Glad you posted, kind of expected that but sorry to hear it.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ultamentkiller on August 06, 2016, 10:30:48 PM
I'm worried about @ultamentkiller (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40103)  and I don't mean his tastes in books, I've not seen him for a while here.

i'm sure he's fine.  he popped in yesterday to drop a pretty sweet texas joke on the king's paws.  and, his twitter seems active.  i bet now that he's out of school, he's discovered that pesky thing called real life where motivation is unforced.

/shakesfist

damn you, real life!
I'm alive!

I promise!

*falls over*

I'm okay!

In all seriousness, I'm currently wrapped up in blindness independence training, or whatever you want to call it. I'm living in an apartment with two other guys, taking cooking classes, woodshop, travel lessons, learning how to use the Mac as a blind person... All that fun stuff.

Just some examples of what I've been doing. Last week, I learned how to make home made waffles, and now I need a waffle iron. Someone should send me one! :P

In woodshop, or industrial arts, I'm working on my first project, a small box meant for truffles that, by its completion, will be filled with candy and have my girlfriend's name carved into the lid. Hammering nails is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I've been practicing that, since I suck at it. I lost count of how many times I hit my hand, and hammered a board into the other one at an angle. And of course I can't forget how many times I've hammered the nail in at an angle. Oh tough lessons.

In travel, I've been learning the address system, gaining confidence in street crossings, working on mental mapping skills, and, naturally, getting lost. Most of the time, my instructor gives me a specific route he wants me to take, or an address I'm supposed to find. Then he sends me out on my own to do it. There are great days and there are truly terrible ones. Regardless I love the class. I've learned so much since I got here.

Training is exhausting. I have weekends where I just want to sit home and not go anywhere. Strangely, I don't mind going out places during the week, but when I wake up and don't have to go anywhere for the day, I tend to stay inside. I still have to cook dinner every night, but I keep it simple so I don't have to expend much energy. Oh, and I start applying for colleges next week, and possibly guide dog school. Yay...

Lately, I've barely had the time or energy to read books. I've been reading a couple of things in audio, but I enjoy braille a lot more. And reading with my fingers takes more energy than reading with my ears.

I'm always reading the forum, following what everybody else is doing as best as possible. I just haven't felt right posting about my own life, since I rarely comment on what others are doing. But as long as you see me still retweeting ShowerThoughts, you'll know I'm doing alright. And of course I'll continue commenting on things here and there whenever I feel like I have something to contribute.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on August 06, 2016, 11:13:29 PM
Wow busy time for you, you do realise we take great interest in your life as your perspective is very different from  the rest of us and it is of interest the way you use technology to do a lot of the things we take for granted.
Glad to hear things are going well for you.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on August 07, 2016, 01:42:23 AM
Hey there @ultamentkiller (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40103), good to hear your news. We do enjoy hearing about how you are enjoying and coping with all the new stuff you are learning, so don't hold back posting. But we also appreciate how busy you are now and even more so when you get your very own dog. That will be exciting but guess takes several weeks for the two of you to understand each other well.
 Very impressed at your waffle cooking. ;)  Keep safe and enjoy your new experiences and friends.  ;D

Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Doctor_Chill on August 07, 2016, 03:04:13 AM
erm... wrong thread? hehe

Still feeling like crap, but atm a little less crap.
I hate this. >:(

Glad to hear it's less crap, Bea. Anything is better than nothing.

And ultament, dude. That sounds so rough and so exciting. Reminds me of the whirlwind my first semester of college had on me, but this just blows that out of the water. Good luck keeping up and having fun!

And to contribute to this topic: My two month update: I think I finally found myself again after all this nonsense? I've found this strange thing called confidence/boldness, probably helped by the fact that I try and do one thing a day that scares me. Leads to some funny conversations but yeah. I think life is finally starting to feel right again.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 07, 2016, 05:59:21 AM
Just a quick note to say that I have the deepest respect for you all and your candor and honesty. I found your stories and anecdotes moving, even inspiring. I respect your resilience, my favorite trait.

My circle of friends and colleagues from my former career field is littered with depression, suicide, drug and alcohol abuse, broken marriages, and gods only know how many other issues. So I feel very at home here :)
Pardon the dark humor, it's not intended to make light of these problems - I have lost brothers to depression and its effects, and I suffer them myself. My coping reflex is to laugh or mock what I fear and loathe. (The most a man can do is smile back)

If it is any consolation, in addition to the overwhelming weight of hopelessness, dark ironies, and crushing sadness that many of you endure, I find that I can no longer trust my instincts, which once served me well. I can no longer reliably discern friend from foe as I once did. If there is a fear worthy of being the companion to the dreadful notion of hurting oneself, it is the fear of harming passersby without cause.

Ironically, I was trained to fight by the technical experts for the film The Hunted. Beyond the realistic knife-fighting and killing culture nuances, the film is interesting for its honest depiction of the book that inspired the Rambo movies. The Hunted's depictions of PTS/combat stress are cloudy and not very well done IMHO, beyond the fact that they are unsympathetic - which is why The Hunted looks and feels nothing like Stallone's movies. He balked at the idea of being an unsympathetic veteran. I can tell you, he made the right call.

-Gem Cutter
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 07, 2016, 07:54:01 PM
It gives me a little shine inside when deciding to share my problem leads to all these posts. You guys are fab, and I do hope everything works out for you.


As for me, this is *it* >:( Even cutting a part of your body doesn't compare to the awful toxic stuff moving around inside, plus the tablets and injections and whatever else.
I am a bit better, but still not eating - well, I managed a breadstick, hurrah. On the other hand, I lost almost 2kg in 3 days... ::) not recommended, though ;)
I do hope they manage to rearrange the medication for next time, because the idea of another 5 times of this is really scary :-\
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: xiagan on August 07, 2016, 09:30:06 PM
I keep you in my thoughts, stay strong! I believe I would find the toxic stuff in my body worse than a missing body part too.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 07, 2016, 11:03:52 PM
woot!  bea the survivor can't be conquered!


I keep you in my thoughts, stay strong! I believe I would find the toxic stuff in my body worse than a missing body part too.

i dunno.  it would depend on the body part.  like, i really, really enjoy having a right arm, but i'd totally trade toxic stuff for my wattle.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: xiagan on August 08, 2016, 09:24:42 AM
woot!  bea the survivor can't be conquered!


I keep you in my thoughts, stay strong! I believe I would find the toxic stuff in my body worse than a missing body part too.

i dunno.  it would depend on the body part.  like, i really, really enjoy having a right arm, but i'd totally trade toxic stuff for my wattle.
Sure. I guess I would be willing to take toxic stuff if it'd mean I can keep my head. ;)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 08, 2016, 05:37:04 PM
I'd like my head too, please ;)

I ate today! Hurrah! Could I be turning a corner? I hope so... But why does time move so slowly? Even with the Olympics on tv, or napping - v.e.r.y s.l.o.w...
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 08, 2016, 05:44:17 PM
I'd like my head too, please ;)

I ate today! Hurrah! Could I be turning a corner? I hope so... But why does time move so slowly? Even with the Olympics on tv, or napping - v.e.r.y s.l.o.w...

yay!  keep going with whatever you can keep down.  ice cream.  chocolate.  cookies.

mmmm...
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on August 08, 2016, 06:26:34 PM
Coolbeans, but you will look back on this time and think ' I should have murdered that TBR pile'
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 08, 2016, 08:02:46 PM
I wish :( I'm only just now able to pick up the book and read more than a couple of pages in a row... ::)

I'm close to the end of the Boy with the Porcelain Blade (not exactly the best images to read at this time ;D), and it should be a straight run!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 08, 2016, 09:50:12 PM
Well, I'm glad you're at least doing a little bit better, Bea.

Maybe this article I found will cheer you up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ&list=RDmal-KE-6sbI&index=19
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ultamentkiller on August 09, 2016, 12:19:04 AM
Hang in there Scarlet.

I saw the light at the end of the tunnel... After I got a small concussion. So it was probably a my brain playing tricks.

Seriously though, I did get a minor concussion today. I decided to challenge myself this morning by taking an unfamiliar route to school. Well, I got very turned around because I wasn't as familiar with the "triangle of doom" as I thought I was, and ended up on a completely different street. I figured I would just walk and figure it out. Next thing I know, boom! There's an overhanging concrete object smashed against my head. Now, I hit my head a lot. Not because I'm blind, but because I am clumsy with my head. So at first, I shrugged it off. That lasted about 15 seconds. Then I realized how dizzy I was, how bad the pain was, how I was having trouble thinking straight... I went to call the training center to inform them I would be late. I had trouble forming words. That's when I realized I had a concussion.

I didn't want to go back to the apartments because no one would be there to watch me just in case something happened. I didn't want to go to the hospital, because they would tell me I had a concussion and send me home with some pain meds. So I went to school in an Uber, since I wasn't confident enough taking the bus in my condition. When someone looked at my head, they said they saw some clear fluid, but other than that it looked alright. Clear fluid is another sign of a concussion.

This morning, I relaxed as much as possible. My teachers didn't make me do anything so I wouldn't strain myself. I still have a headache, but took some Motrin 30 minutes ago and have been drinking lots of water. That's the best I can do. My girlfriend will probably be checking up on me throughout the night, making sure I can still respond and things. Things seem fine at the moment though. Shortly after it happened, I asked myself some basic questions and gave myself basic math problems. The fact that I even thought to do that was a good sign. Now, I'm mostly clearheaded. The only thing holding me back is the lead ball that replaced my skull, but that should fade by tomorrow.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on August 09, 2016, 12:52:20 AM
Ow that sounds really painful and a scary experience, very sorry, @ultamentkiller (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40103), hope by the time you read this you will be completely clear headed and the soreness is wearing off.
I had realised all the foot to waist level obstacles you had to negotiate, but never considered head level ones, except perhaps lampposts or very low doorways. How hard must it be to be aware of things that height? Not things you could expect.

Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 09, 2016, 01:16:48 AM
Ultament, you might reconsider going to the E.R. A true concussion, hard enough to produce fluid, could slip sideways on you fast. Pressure on the brain is a deadly thing. My two cents.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Deads on August 09, 2016, 07:12:30 AM
Glad to hear that you're hanging in there, Bea!

I hope things go easy for ya this week!  I wish I had better words than that... 

I'll work up to funny/inspiring posts. Promise.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 09, 2016, 03:57:16 PM
Ultament, you might reconsider going to the E.R. A true concussion, hard enough to produce fluid, could slip sideways on you fast. Pressure on the brain is a deadly thing. My two cents.

sorry i'm late, but um.  yeah.  @ultamentkiller (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40103) -- i second this.  please tell us you went.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ultamentkiller on August 09, 2016, 04:15:19 PM
Nope. I still haven't gone. Woke up this morning and the headache is still there, so I decided to stay home today. I'm thinking it should go away by tomorrow. If it's still at this level, then I'll probably cave and go see a doctor.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 09, 2016, 05:13:32 PM
A pox on people who bring up serious problems and then ignore good advice!!!!

[Deleted: extensive rant with colorful examples of the impacts of those with cavalier attitudes on those who sincerely care for their welfare and safety, and frequent bad outcomes of those who ignore advice to seek medical assistance]
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on August 09, 2016, 06:45:07 PM
Quote
A pox on people who bring up serious problems and then ignore good advice!!!!

Life is never that simple. @ultamentkiller (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40103) I sincerely hope you are OK. That said I have a serious question. Everything I know about triaging concussion relies on the eyes once we established you were coherent and sensible (go for it), could stand and move correctly and were coordinated I would be checking that your pupils were the same size and shape and that you could track lateral movement correctly. I am guessing you move straight on to the going to hospital anyway, do not pass go, get a CT scan stage as the triage tests ain't going to work for you.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ultamentkiller on August 09, 2016, 07:03:37 PM
They did check my eyes, and the pupils looked normal. That's why I wasn't forced to go.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 09, 2016, 07:16:30 PM
That's cool. In Africa I helped a bicyclist struck by a truck and his ears were dripping fluid, his pupils were way out balance, and he was going into shock. So when people say head injury, that's where my mind takes me. I often wonder if he survived.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on August 09, 2016, 07:21:19 PM
Glad to hear it and thanks for answering I honestly would never of thought about this if you hadn't have posted.
How did you persuade then you were coherent and sensible  ;D

Are you going to go back and find out what you bashed yourself on?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 09, 2016, 08:16:01 PM
Here's some pure, unmitigated optimism for you:
"A recent study by Yale University researchers, published online in the journal Social Science & Medicine, concluded that “book readers experienced a 20 percent reduction in risk of mortality over the 12 years of follow-up compared to non-book readers.”
If a standard reader gets that kind of boost, well Hell's bells, you all should be just fine.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2016/08/09/the-best-reason-for-reading-book-lovers-live-longer-say-scientists/ (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2016/08/09/the-best-reason-for-reading-book-lovers-live-longer-say-scientists/)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Mr.J on August 09, 2016, 08:24:48 PM
Oh I love that study! Not sure it works the same with authors and their mental health though  :-\

But it does make a bit of sense doesn't it? George R.R. Martin/Pat Rothfuss haven't finished their books yet! They are literally saving millions of lives every day.

The only Superheroes we need are chunkily bearded fantasy nerds at their keyboards.

(http://winteriscoming.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/George-RR-Martin.jpg)(https://farm1.staticflickr.com/627/21233486958_2e221e5965_z.jpg)
Finally we have proof.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 09, 2016, 08:45:41 PM
Mr. J, I am placing you on pin-rationing. You have reached your bubble-popping limit for August!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Mr.J on August 09, 2016, 09:04:08 PM
Mr. J, I am placing you on pin-rationing. You have reached your bubble-popping limit for August!
Hey I genuinely liked the study :P

Though I do admit its probably hard to tell when I'm being genuine sometimes...I saw the joke and couldn't resist I'm sorry :( mostly cos I knew that photo of Pat existed somewhere.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 09, 2016, 09:44:52 PM
I was probably projecting my wife's popping of bubbles all morning ... here she comes again. Time to fake a heart attack.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ultamentkiller on August 09, 2016, 10:14:52 PM
Glad to hear it and thanks for answering I honestly would never of thought about this if you hadn't have posted.
How did you persuade then you were coherent and sensible  ;D

Are you going to go back and find out what you bashed yourself on?
All I know right now is that it was concrete. I'll hopefully never have to go over there again. Unless it's with dynamite. To detonate the entire block. At night of course, when there's hopefully no one there. Or at least minimal casualties.

As for persuading them, when I started making my normal random comments, they knew I wasn't too messed up. It's when I get quiet that the people around me grow concerned.

And yay! I've spent most of today reading, so I shouldn't die in my sleep or something. Well, it's 20 percent less likely anyway.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 10, 2016, 04:07:33 AM
Feeling more reassured for you, ultament, that's certainly a good sign :D

I'm still annoyed my reading has taken a back step, hopefully it'll return soon.
I realised one of the reasons for my dizziness might be dehydration... I just haven't been able to drink much. Hopefully this afternoon things will be clearer, if not better - I'm going to the hospital for my weekly 'PICC line flushing' and tell them the story of my first week.

In related issues, anyone would like to come massage my calves? The injections I get to grow white cells make them really unconfortable... dunno why only the legs, but I'm glad it's not all over
(off to another walking circuit of my flat :P)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 10, 2016, 04:14:48 AM
Ms. Scarlet, as crude and probably unsavory a suggestion as this is, enemas are an excellent method of rehydration and replenishing electrolytes. Keeping your strength and vitality up are key, or I wouldn't voice the suggestion. We used to run IVs on ourselves after training, but perhaps that's not an option for you? Anyway, I hope you feel better. We used to laugh and joke about drinking water to stay hydrated "Drink water - because it's hard to look cool with a tube in you [pants?]"
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ultamentkiller on August 10, 2016, 06:36:09 PM
Feeling more reassured for you, ultament, that's certainly a good sign :D

I'm still annoyed my reading has taken a back step, hopefully it'll return soon.
I realised one of the reasons for my dizziness might be dehydration... I just haven't been able to drink much. Hopefully this afternoon things will be clearer, if not better - I'm going to the hospital for my weekly 'PICC line flushing' and tell them the story of my first week.

In related issues, anyone would like to come massage my calves? The injections I get to grow white cells make them really unconfortable... dunno why only the legs, but I'm glad it's not all over
(off to another walking circuit of my flat :P)
I'm not sure how good I am at massaging legs, but I've been told I'm really good with shoulders. I could definitely try though. If I was there.

Life Update: Headache started increasing yesterday, which had me worried. Even while taking Motrin, I felt like I hadn't taken a single pill. So, I caved and went to the ER last night. At first, the doctor was hesitant on running a CT scan. I told him that I didn't just sit in the waiting room for three hours to have him give me a pain pill and send me home. I wanted absolute assurance. So he ran the test. Nothing. So basically, the only things I accomplished from the trip were getting lots of reading done, receiving a huge hospital bill that I'll have to figure out with my insurance, and staying up until 3 AM.

At least I know though.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on August 10, 2016, 08:13:26 PM
I thought suing someone for leaving dangely lumps of concrete hanging around was the American way?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ultamentkiller on August 10, 2016, 08:18:33 PM
If I tried that, I would be in court all day. You'd be surprised how many people do it. I'm sure they had a big caution sign on it, or it was visible enough to most people.

If I'm honest, I'm just being nice. They don't deserve hell for leaving it out. They were probably just doing their job. I would say they were being inconsiderate to blind people, but considering that the majority of the population doesn't think we can travel independently, I can't blame them for their ignorance. The best I can do is continue to educate the people around me, and hope that accomplishes something.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 10, 2016, 08:23:59 PM
Oh ultament, I'm so glad you're ok, but it's awful about the bill!
(and thanks for the massage offer ;D)

Really, the system is night from day, over here.
I was also about 3 hours over at the hospital, arriving almost on the floor (fainty, dizzy). They not only did what I was there to do, but also gave me a ECG, blood sugar test, and another doctor check-up to see I was ok.
They replaced my nausea tablets, gave me extra potassium and told me to drink lots and eat more than I've been doing - which I knew I had to do, but I was scared....

Not sure if stuff has already worked, if I needed some attention or if it were the hugs from my friend while I cried, but I've eaten half a tin of soup and some grapes ::)
Honestly, I'm annoyed with myself - not cos I've eaten, hehe, but because even when I got home I wasn't too good, and now it's 'ta da'?

(And I know she'll never read this, but a huge ginormous thank you to my friend Alison, who's the absolute best. I'm going to miss you while you're on holidays, enjoy your time!)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 11, 2016, 05:58:56 PM
New buttocks/hips needed.
Current ones overused and painful.

Honestly, I have no comfortable position anymore :-\ I can only turn to the left or be belly up (when lying down), and so much sitting down has used them up too. Or maybe I lost the fatty comfy bit and got left with the bones ;D

*a little thought for people living with constant pain, so sorry for you*
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 11, 2016, 06:23:06 PM
New buttocks/hips needed.
Current ones overused and painful.

Honestly, I have no comfortable position anymore :-\ I can only turn to the left or be belly up (when lying down), and so much sitting down has used them up too. Or maybe I lost the fatty comfy bit and got left with the bones ;D

*a little thought for people living with constant pain, so sorry for you*

i'm pretty sure those are your superpowers forming.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 11, 2016, 06:33:45 PM
Superbum? ::)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 11, 2016, 06:37:49 PM
hell.  yeah.

*rawr*
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 11, 2016, 06:40:59 PM
Superbum? ::)

"I am vengeance, I am the night, I am... Buttman!"
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 11, 2016, 06:41:19 PM
 I feel your pain, literally. I can't write without sitting, but my I sit too much. I can't lie down, walk, or stand without pain in my knees.
You might try changing the hardness/softness of your chair & mattress, changing that shifts weight distribution around. Some time in water might help, if a Jacuzzi or pool is feasible. Hammocks can be good, they distribute weight differently, too.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 11, 2016, 09:08:01 PM
Oh a pool at the moment sounds wonderful, just floating...
I can't go to any, though, too much risk of infection. I might try a bath, see if it relaxes the muscles - just have to wrap the arm quite tightly in cling film and not submerge that, hehe

I feel I'm made up of random spare rusty parts at the moment ;D

*trying hard to ignore WonderButt jokes* 8)

I hope your pain subsides too, Gem.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eclipse on August 11, 2016, 09:26:21 PM
I prefer wonderarse jokes to wonderbutt jokes
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 11, 2016, 09:37:08 PM

*trying hard to ignore WonderButt jokes* 8)

Butt... butt they say humour is the best medicine, don't they?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 11, 2016, 09:41:03 PM
I prefer wonderarse jokes to wonderbutt jokes

butt, what about wonderarse demons?  do we know anyone who might have insight on that?


p.s.  SO MANY LAYERS!!!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 11, 2016, 09:49:29 PM
Move along now, nothing to see...
*directs people to the King's Paws* ;D

Btw, a friend is coming to visit me, I asked her to bring ice lollies :D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eclipse on August 11, 2016, 10:12:53 PM
M3M this is the time you can say yes Ma'am !
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Hedin on August 12, 2016, 01:04:18 AM
Oh a pool at the moment sounds wonderful, just floating...
I can't go to any, though, too much risk of infection. I might try a bath, see if it relaxes the muscles - just have to wrap the arm quite tightly in cling film and not submerge that, hehe

I feel I'm made up of random spare rusty parts at the moment ;D

*trying hard to ignore WonderButt jokes* 8)

I hope your pain subsides too, Gem.

That's weird about the pool, the chlorine should kill any bugs in there.  Our local news even had a story about a teenage girl going through chemo who went to the pool for exercise since it was the safest place infection wise.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 12, 2016, 07:12:04 AM
Oh that's funny, and it kinda makes sense! (unless you think about the olympic green pool hehe)
All the paperwork says to avoid gyms and pools, though.

I managed to sleep 'straight' (= without extra pillows) and it did help, but I think I discovered what it is: it's the injections to grow white blood cells. The nurse had mentioned potential 'joint pain', but I thought that meant knees and elbows and stuff - it must be linked.

By the way, I injected myself yesterday, the nurse made me do it (it was a very different one from the others!!! EVIL), and today (for the last dose this cycle) no one's coming.
To be honest, the thought of it was much harder than the reality ::)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 12, 2016, 02:40:29 PM
By the way, I injected myself yesterday, the nurse made me do it (it was a very different one from the others!!! EVIL), and today (for the last dose this cycle) no one's coming.
To be honest, the thought of it was much harder than the reality ::)

whoa.

all "cheer you up" kidding aside -- you're so freakin' tough, bea.  you're seriously my hero.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Deads on August 12, 2016, 06:44:54 PM
Super Bea.   

Seriously, I doubt I'd be half that strong... You're a bamf, dude. :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 12, 2016, 08:42:20 PM
I had to google bamf - not sure I like it :o
But I appreciate the sentiment, guys :D

One thing I've learnt in the last 2 months is that a person gets used to absolutely everything, when it's your life at the end of the line 8)

I also feel weird when people diminish their own problems/illnesses and struggles and say "nothing compared to what you're going through": please don't, your problems are just as important and complicated, because they're part of *your life*.


Edit to add: I just realised I can take paracetamol for the hip/joint pain ::)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 12, 2016, 10:07:08 PM
I also feel weird when people diminish their own problems/illnesses and struggles and say "nothing compared to what you're going through": please don't, your problems are just as important and complicated, because they're part of *your life*.

I admire your stoicism and non-self-centeredness, but there's an oft-overlooked feature of adversity that is really very important. It is right and proper to think to oneself "I lost my temper when I shouldn't have. Person X with critical problem Y behaves better than that on his worst days. Surely I can do better." On our good days we have these thoughts ourselves. On our bad days, someone else points these things out for us.

As corny as this might sound, we all have exemplars, people who showed superior character, whether it's stoicism, poise, restraint, patience - any of the hard things. Being elevated to one of those people by your friends and acquaintances is natural and a good thing, worthy of the quiet, legitimate pride that only grows in the hearts of heroes, whether their battlefields are loud and far away, or quiet and right upstairs.

My two cents.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 12, 2016, 10:41:39 PM
Thanks, and I get what you're saying, but what sometimes riles me is this sort of pedestal that people put cancer on, as if it's the "top illness" and nothing else compares.

To be honest, and I'm not sure if I've written this here before or I just told a friend, but apart from this last week when I felt absolutely crap, what I went through last year with my depression was way much worse for me than the cancer has been.
I did have lots of support because for this episode I decided to be completely transparent with people, but I could have used help getting the groceries, for example, in those days when just going out the door was overwhelming and I couldn't even ask for help - yet it's only now that they offer without me asking.

And even if we don't go into the mental/physical illness dychotomy (which for me is false), there are lots of other physical illnesses that are more painful and potentially as or more deadly than cancer. Only they're not common, or people don't talk about them.

And please don't think I'm some kind of saint (the others would put you right hehe), I do have my share of selfishness and wanting nice words and hugs and a bit of 'woe is me' and 'there there' ::) ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Deads on August 12, 2016, 10:42:30 PM
I had to google bamf - not sure I like it :o
But I appreciate the sentiment, guys :D

Sorry, I'm a potty mouth by nature... Lol.  I try to keep it pg in public, but... Ya know. :p 

Sentiment is sincere, for sure. :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 14, 2016, 09:37:27 AM
Update:
I basically feel normal again :D :D

Apart from some minor hits, too slight (now!) to mention - it's just such a 'wow' feeling!
And now I think, even if I go through the same next cycle (which I hope not, given the meds change), I know I'll just need to hold on for 4-5 days and then things will change.

Thanks so much to all for letting me complain and 'cry' here during the bad days, you really are a port in a storm :-*

I'm eating 'loads' now ;D Ice lollies are fab
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ultamentkiller on August 14, 2016, 05:18:28 PM
That's awesome! Keep fighting Bea.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 14, 2016, 05:38:49 PM
So glad you're turning a corner Ms. Scarlet.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 14, 2016, 10:18:33 PM
Update:
I basically feel normal again :D :D

Apart from some minor hits, too slight (now!) to mention - it's just such a 'wow' feeling!
And now I think, even if I go through the same next cycle (which I hope not, given the meds change), I know I'll just need to hold on for 4-5 days and then things will change.

Thanks so much to all for letting me complain and 'cry' here during the bad days, you really are a port in a storm :-*

I'm eating 'loads' now ;D Ice lollies are fab

That's great to hear, Bea. Welcome back. It's been a long, hard road, but here you are.  :)

I'm glad we've been able to help to some degree.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 14, 2016, 10:23:37 PM
Thanks all :)

Please note that as I said, this is only until the next treatment, though ;) on the 25th it all starts again, another 5 three-week cycles. I just hope that the bad first days won't be as bad the next times...
They say hair starts falling after treatment 2: I'll then don my superhero costume 8)

Note to self: stop eating so much, now ::)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 15, 2016, 04:54:00 AM
Ahh, not a race but a marathon. You're going to have AMAZING character and virtue after all this adversity!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 15, 2016, 09:21:02 AM
Ahh, not a race but a marathon. You're going to have AMAZING character and virtue after all this adversity!
You made me laugh out loud ;D
I'll be a virtual saint.... NOT! :P
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 15, 2016, 09:43:40 AM
Well, today marks exactly a week before my first day of college/university, twelve years after I finished high school.

The thought occasionally makes me nervous. My ability to focus isn't great, nor is my ability to handle large groups of people. But I feel I need this. I've been too isolated lately, and getting back into an environment where I have at least the possibility of interacting with people around my own age again might work out for me this time. I am in dire need of more social contact, as well as something to get me out of the house.

Also, I sometimes feel like I'm going through some kind of early-onset mid-life crisis, regarding the state of my life and my accomplishments in these last twelve years. My only goal is to write, but that's completely failing to work out, so maybe getting into academia will broaden my horizons and maybe, just maybe, give me some new ideas about what to do with the rest of my life.

Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 16, 2016, 09:02:50 AM
Enjoy your last week of freedom, Eli ;D

I can't remember if I've asked/if you've told, but what will you be studying?


In other news, I might attempt to drive for the first time in over 2 months (*) later today - lovely day, I want to go to the park, but I do get tired *very* (incredibly) easy these days, just walking (technical term apparently is 'fatigue'), so can't walk there.

In these 2 times I've been out I've now identified key locations between home and town centre where I can sit down and rest, hehe

(*) 2 months today since my first surgery: can you believe it?! :o
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Saraband on August 16, 2016, 09:30:20 AM
(*) 2 months today since my first surgery: can you believe it?! :o

Wow, time does speed by. Perhaps that's a good thing, so you can have this whole experience behind your back in no time  :)

Today does seem to be a lovely day (at least up here), so enjoy yourself!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on August 16, 2016, 11:56:35 AM
Well, today marks exactly a week before my first day of college/university, twelve years after I finished high school.

The thought occasionally makes me nervous. My ability to focus isn't great, nor is my ability to handle large groups of people. But I feel I need this. I've been too isolated lately, and getting back into an environment where I have at least the possibility of interacting with people around my own age again might work out for me this time. I am in dire need of more social contact, as well as something to get me out of the house.

Also, I sometimes feel like I'm going through some kind of early-onset mid-life crisis, regarding the state of my life and my accomplishments in these last twelve years. My only goal is to write, but that's completely failing to work out, so maybe getting into academia will broaden my horizons and maybe, just maybe, give me some new ideas about what to do with the rest of my life.

Eli,

I know that you want to earn enough money from writing that it is your profession. By that definition, you have not succeeded. But I enjoy your writing, and so do others. You've created works of art and imagination filled with heroism, sensitivity, and fun. By my definition, this is wonderful success. i know that doesn't fill the bank account or give you the larger audience your quality deserves, but you're an Author in my book.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Peat on August 16, 2016, 12:29:17 PM
And many authors don't get those things. Going into academia doesn't mean the end of trying to get there either.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 16, 2016, 01:27:47 PM
Enjoy your last week of freedom, Eli ;D

I can't remember if I've asked/if you've told, but what will you be studying?

Modern studies. It's not the most practical subject, but it's basically the only one I trust myself to stay interested in. Like I said, my ability to focus isn't great, and in any case I have an ongoing project to shift my priorities away from pragmatism to simply living a happier life.

Congratulations on getting out of the house more.
Though this:
Quote
In other news, I might attempt to drive for the first time in over 2 months (*) later today - lovely day

... immediately made me think of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU4mDyj8DSI  :)

Eli,

I know that you want to earn enough money from writing that it is your profession. By that definition, you have not succeeded. But I enjoy your writing, and so do others. You've created works of art and imagination filled with heroism, sensitivity, and fun. By my definition, this is wonderful success. i know that doesn't fill the bank account or give you the larger audience your quality deserves, but you're an Author in my book.

Thanks. I wish I had something more lengthy or profound to say to that, but I'm not a poet.

And many authors don't get those things. Going into academia doesn't mean the end of trying to get there either.

Oh no, I'm not stopping. I'm doing a 60% course instead of a full one. It will mean an extra year in school, but will also mean an existence outside the classroom, and I'm DONE being stressed out. It's no way to live.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on August 16, 2016, 02:51:45 PM
Getting in late here Eli, but all the best wishes possible making this big step in a different direction and taking the chance to get out and know more people. I hope the new subjects you do will be interesting and we know you'll never give up writing, it's soaked into you like inky fingers only you use a computer,so not literally, you know what I mean.
Please keep us posted on how you get on , when you have time, but we've seen how Ultament is slipping away to live it up with his new friends and we'll be hoping the same happens to you, good luck. ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 16, 2016, 03:49:29 PM
Congratulations on getting out of the house more.
Though this:
Quote
In other news, I might attempt to drive for the first time in over 2 months (*) later today - lovely day

... immediately made me think of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU4mDyj8DSI  :)
;D ;D

Very happy to say that all went ok and I'm absolutely in one piece, as is everyone else on the roads 8)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 16, 2016, 04:14:48 PM
Getting in late here Eli, but all the best wishes possible making this big step in a different direction and taking the chance to get out and know more people. I hope the new subjects you do will be interesting and we know you'll never give up writing, it's soaked into you like inky fingers only you use a computer,so not literally, you know what I mean.
Please keep us posted on how you get on , when you have time, but we've seen how Ultament is slipping away to live it up with his new friends and we'll be hoping the same happens to you, good luck. ;D

Thanks. But I have no intention of leaving either. FF is a nice little community, and it's only a few keyboard strokes away.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ultamentkiller on August 17, 2016, 01:22:14 AM
Getting in late here Eli, but all the best wishes possible making this big step in a different direction and taking the chance to get out and know more people. I hope the new subjects you do will be interesting and we know you'll never give up writing, it's soaked into you like inky fingers only you use a computer,so not literally, you know what I mean.
Please keep us posted on how you get on , when you have time, but we've seen how Ultament is slipping away to live it up with his new friends and we'll be hoping the same happens to you, good luck. ;D

Thanks. But I have no intention of leaving either. FF is a nice little community, and it's only a few keyboard strokes away.
Hey Lady! I'm right here! No slipping away for me!

Glad you made it back in one piece Scarlet. Driving can be extremely challenging, and people are crazy. Hell, I'm 18 and I'm still working on improving my skills. Too many turns. Glad you're navigating safely though.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on August 17, 2016, 01:34:30 AM
 ;D ;D I know you've not slipped away far @ultamentkller, because you give us great updates and didn't mean you'd gone for good. ;D
Just thinking of how good it was that you were having fun and enjoying independence and meeting people. Want that for Eli as well. Good on you both, party on dudes  ;)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on August 17, 2016, 03:14:48 AM
Wait, what? @ultamentkiller (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40103) is driving? This is a very cool thing. Too many turns, you say? I say, just get on an oval race track and go for it!  ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on August 17, 2016, 03:56:39 AM
Wait, what? @ultamentkiller (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40103) is driving? This is a very cool thing. Too many turns, you say? I say, just get on an oval race track and go for it!  ;D

I'm a bit worried he's a Speed Demon ::)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 17, 2016, 05:36:05 PM
A HUGE big THANK YOU to the wonderful @Lady_Ty (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=31869), who sent me a lovely flower bouquet :D :D :D
 :-*

AND a teddy bear :D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ultamentkiller on August 17, 2016, 11:17:52 PM
Wait, what? @ultamentkiller (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40103) is driving? This is a very cool thing. Too many turns, you say? I say, just get on an oval race track and go for it!  ;D

I'm a bit worried he's a Speed Demon ::)
Even one turn is one too many. I am indeed a speed demon.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 20, 2016, 04:02:43 PM
@ultamentkiller (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40103)

You should visit the salt flats someday. You can drive all you want as fast as you want, so long as you have a partner to let you know when you are within a mile of an obstacle.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on August 20, 2016, 06:17:52 PM
Quote
You should visit the salt flats someday. You can drive all you want as fast as you want, so long as you have a partner to let you know when you are within a mile of an obstacle.

I believe blind(fold) motorcycling is also a thing there and there is a blind land speed record category as well.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ultamentkiller on August 20, 2016, 06:34:53 PM
Yeah, I met a guy that went blind after a terrible accident, but kept going for the speed award on the flats. It sounds really fun.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 20, 2016, 06:44:12 PM
When he was a child, my son's left eye was seriously injured in an accident (my other son struck him with the barrel of a toy gun).  We waited a year to see if it would heal. It did not. Then, I had to make a terrible decision. Would we leave it in place hoping it might recover one day, with a small but growing chance that the injury would lead to the loss of the other eye? This happened to the famous Italian singer Andrea Bocelli in his youth (soccer accident). Or would we have the injured eye removed? I chose to take the eye, but of course, I wonder if I did the right thing. A difficult time and a harrowing decision I wouldn't wish on anyone.

He drives and lives an independent life, just moved out this summer.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 20, 2016, 11:43:35 PM
I chose to take the eye, but of course, I wonder if I did the right thing. A difficult time and a harrowing decision I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Oh, man, that's a terrible thing to have to decide on.


In personal news, one of my indoor cats has somehow made it out of the fourth floor apartment, and has gone missing. My theory is that he was able to squeeze through a crack in my bedroom window, plummet down unharmed, and go for a stroll.

I realised that he was gone about an hour ago, and I went on a token stroll around the neighbourhood but a cat has a million places to hide.

How do cats typically behave in situations like these? He's a  year old, and neutered. Can I expect him to show up meowing below the balcony when he gets hungry? Or do I need to basically write him off? I DID just put up a Facebook post, asking people to share a photo of him, but I don't expect great results.

Oof.

WHY do we get so emotionally dependent on these stupid things?


EDIT: I found him. I went downstairs to tape a photo and a note to my neighbours to the stairwell door, and took one last look outside. I spotted him cowering under a chair on a neighbour's sundeck, a few metres from below by balcony. Maybe he's been there all along.

Now, if only I knew how he was able to pull that stunt, I'd feel fine.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Raptori on August 21, 2016, 12:11:47 AM
I chose to take the eye, but of course, I wonder if I did the right thing. A difficult time and a harrowing decision I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Oh, man, that's a terrible thing to have to decide on.


In personal news, one of my indoor cats has somehow made it out of the fourth floor apartment, and has gone missing. My theory is that he was able to squeeze through a crack in my bedroom window, plummet down unharmed, and go for a stroll.

I realised that he was gone about an hour ago, and I went on a token stroll around the neighbourhood but a cat has a million places to hide.

How do cats typically behave in situations like these? He's a  year old, and neutered. Can I expect him to show up meowing below the balcony when he gets hungry? Or do I need to basically write him off? I DID just put up a Facebook post, asking people to share a photo of him, but I don't expect great results.

Oof.

WHY do we get so emotionally dependent on these stupid things?
Completely depends on the cat. One of our cats once jumped/fell out of our window when we lived on the third floor; she stood there yowling until we looked down and realised it was her. When we went down to get her she proceeded to run away from us whenever we got close to her. Took us hours to catch her in the end!

Your best bet is to make whatever noises he would associate with food - for example if you usually use canned cat food, take one down and open it; if he's nearby chances are he'll come running.

Good luck, hope you get him back!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on August 21, 2016, 12:32:35 AM
Hurrah for found cats, Eli.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Raptori on August 21, 2016, 12:48:55 AM
Yay! I bet if it happens again he'll do the same thing - after all, he was rescued this time!  :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on August 21, 2016, 02:17:14 AM
Hey Eli, by the time I read this your cat was lost and found again. ;D Like Raptori says he's had a taste of adventure and will maybe try again. You could look back at your building from outside and, remembering how agile cats are, see if you can figure how he got down.

Another thought is that do you think he actually escaped through your door and went out from inside? They are so quick and you may have just left it for a minute or two?  Anyway, very glad he is safe because I know how horrible  it is if they go missing.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 21, 2016, 06:35:07 AM
Hey Eli, by the time I read this your cat was lost and found again. ;D
This.
I'm really glad you found him :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eclipse on August 21, 2016, 06:54:32 AM
Sister been in hospital for four days now I hope she gets better soon.picked up virus making heart beat go too fast which in turn is made the unborn seven month old baby heartbeat go faster. There have given antibiotics to slow down heart rate. Baby heartbeat dropped in night was going to theatre but heartbeat picked up again.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 21, 2016, 07:05:01 AM
Oh Eclipse, that must be awful :( I hope she and baby get better soon
*hugs*
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 21, 2016, 08:18:47 AM
Sister been in hospital for four days now I hope she gets better soon.picked up virus making heart beat go too fast which in turn is made the unborn seven month old baby heartbeat go faster. There have given antibiotics to slow down heart rate. Baby heartbeat dropped in night was going to theatre but heartbeat picked up again.

Whoa. That's scary. Hope everything turns out all right.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: xiagan on August 21, 2016, 09:31:15 AM
I keep my fingers crossed, Eclipse!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on August 21, 2016, 11:39:53 AM
Eclipse, PM me her name please. I want to keep her in thoughts and prayers.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eclipse on August 21, 2016, 11:51:25 AM
Baby and mum are doing okay there just tired and sleeping in hospital.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on August 21, 2016, 12:44:06 PM
Eclipse, what a scary and worrying thing to happen for your sister and all of you, I am sorry. Hope the hospital rest brings everything steady and safe again quickly for your sister and the baby. 
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on August 21, 2016, 06:26:03 PM
Eclipse I am glad to read your sister is on the road to recovery and that she and the baby are doing well. I hope they are home soon.

I am in pieces at the moment.

My dad was taken into hospital after a fall last Monday. He has had a back problem for about 3 months for which he was getting treatment for and it was diagnosed as muscular. He was taken in for assessment with the possibility that he has split a disc and has spinal fluid leaking into the muscle group at the base of his spine. After inconclusive CT and MRI scans blood work showed he had an elevated white blood cell count. Thursday he was diagnosed with leukaemia and Friday 3 lymphoma were found on his hip, spine and left lung. Today it was determined he has Richter's Syndrome, A rare and aggressive form of Leukaemia. I dread to think what tomorrow will bring in the way of further diagnosis.
They gave him radio therapy on Saturday morning and started him on Chemo this morning with another dose Monday and more to follow. Presumably with a cycle to be determined depending on his response.
I know I am far from alone in having to cope with a relative or loved one being diagnosed with cancer, but have found this very sudden and shocking. I am likely to be on the forums less frequently and at even more erratic times as I will be doing a lot of travelling either to see him or my mum around my normal commitments.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 21, 2016, 06:29:52 PM
Oh Rostum, I am so sorry!
Sending big hugs for you, and strength to go through these difficult times xx
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 21, 2016, 06:48:56 PM
oh no!

much love and thoughts for you and your family, @Rostum (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40251)!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 21, 2016, 06:55:49 PM
Wow, @Rostum (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40251), that is a hell of a thing to just suddenly hit one in the face.

Well-wishes for you and your family.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on August 21, 2016, 07:59:14 PM
@Rostum (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40251), you and your dad are in my thoughts and prayers. Let us know if we can help, even long distance.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 21, 2016, 08:33:35 PM
So sorry to hear of this terrible situation @Rostum (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40251)

I wish you courage and resilience, and your dad an effective treatment.  Pace yourself and plan ahead as you are able.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on August 22, 2016, 12:50:19 AM
@Rostum (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40251), truly sorry this has happened. Will be thinking of you often.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ultamentkiller on August 22, 2016, 04:55:14 AM
Wow. Having one of your loved ones seriously sick sucks. I hope they are all able to heal.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eclipse on August 22, 2016, 06:31:07 AM
Thinking of you Dad Rostum

Good news, sister is much better and been released from hospital.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 22, 2016, 07:42:40 AM
That's really good to hear, Eclipse :D continuation of improvements now!

My head/hair started hurting (when I touch it lightly it feels like someone is pulling hard!) - I bet after the next one it will start falling soon (hair, not head ;))
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on August 22, 2016, 08:35:36 AM
Really sorry to hear about your dad's condition, Rostum.  :(

And Eclipse, glad to hear your sister and the tummy resident are doing better.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on August 22, 2016, 10:19:48 AM
Thanks for your thoughts and kind words, it really does mean a lot. Sadly it's just a case of working out how long he has got as you don't get better from Richter's. Best we can hope for is it can be regressed effectively to give a longer time between chemo treatments and allow him home for a while.

Good to hear your sister is well enough to be released Eclipse.

Bea you may have to start being very careful of your nails if you hair is getting hypersensitive they are likely to start getting brittle.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 23, 2016, 09:19:22 AM
Thanks for your thoughts and kind words, it really does mean a lot. Sadly it's just a case of working out how long he has got as you don't get better from Richter's. Best we can hope for is it can be regressed effectively to give a longer time between chemo treatments and allow him home for a while.

Are the doctors 100% sure on the diagnosis? There might be something...
Anyway, I do hope his chemo side effects aren't bad, and his quality of life remains good

Quote
Bea you may have to start being very careful of your nails if you hair is getting hypersensitive they are likely to start getting brittle.
Thanks, but nails ok so far. Apparently it's the drug I'm getting on treatments 4-6 that will affect nails *fingers crossed not* I don't think there's anything I can do to prevent it, except keep hands/nails well hydrated.
Had some hair shedding... not on head ::)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 23, 2016, 04:45:28 PM
Double post to say that yes, it seems head hair has started going - just noticed my pillowcase with lots of little hairs (really happy I had it cut very short).

Also, today I went for an initial appointment in Leeds at this national breast cancer charity: I'm going to have 10 free sessions of complementary therapies, and although I was a bit wary at first, the things they offered me are actually quite ok.
It's going to be a few counselling sessions (I need to be able to also talk with people who know exactly what I'm going through), 2 of aromatherapy (basically, nice massages), nutritional advice, medical herbalism (supplements to fight the side effects, that complement the regular medication) and a full "day out", meeting new people and having multiple activities (this is only in October).

They also do activity groups that I can join, let's see - it's still about a 40-min drive to get there.
One of them is singing, which made me think of @Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094) ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 24, 2016, 04:36:49 PM
I am sure I am not alone in my concern and hopes for a smooth treatment and full and speedy recovery. Deeply respect your poise and humor in the face of your challenges. I simply cannot stand these kinds of monsters against whom my swords are useless.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 24, 2016, 05:26:37 PM
I am sure I am not alone in my concern and hopes for a smooth treatment and full and speedy recovery. Deeply respect your poise and humor in the face of your challenges. I simply cannot stand these kinds of monsters against whom my swords are useless.

Yeah, cancer scares the crap out of me.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 24, 2016, 10:23:36 PM
Thanks!

Deeply respect your poise and humor in the face of your challenges.
Well, the other option would be to get down and cry all the time and feel miserable and hopeless and imagine I was going to die... this is simply not me, I couldn't do this if I tried (well, maybe for a day - then I'd go back to my usual self)

Quote
I simply cannot stand these kinds of monsters against whom my swords are useless.
I love this sentence! But you know, see my signature, what xiagan wrote to me: your swords may be useless, but your presence and words are a key part of my army :D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 24, 2016, 10:37:33 PM
<3 for everyone here.

just sayin'.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 25, 2016, 05:33:33 AM
Day 2 later today... :-\
I keep telling myself it'll be better this time, but I also can't help but worry *gets positive energy from F-F army*
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on August 25, 2016, 09:54:50 AM
*Shoots Bea with the bow of positive energy*  :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 25, 2016, 11:25:13 AM
@ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020)
It will be better because you have more experience now. New issues could occur, so be prepared, but now you have some frames of reference that will help reduce your anxiety. You have confidence and know where the issues lie, a new and sound basis for courage and hope.

What good are hope and courage in the face of dire uncertainty, ask those, whose feet have never known the sands of the arena, imagining such things as odds and outcomes to be made of sterner stuff.

If you would permit me to compare my own past moments of fear and doubt and danger to the challenges that stand before you, I would answer: that although it is you who stands in the arena today, you are not alone. Around you, seen or not, heard or not, we are there, cheering for you, wincing at your pain, nodding with quiet pride at your resilience. Among our hearts, your fears are shared and divided, while in yours, all our courage and hope is gathered together. And the virtues of these things that you have summoned is that they are the ground from which all good ends spring eternal, going where they will, oblivious to such notions as odds and fears.

No one is unarmed who has courage. No one is unarmored who has hope. No one is alone who has love.
-Love,
Gem Cutter
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on August 25, 2016, 11:26:26 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/lrFurXh.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 25, 2016, 12:19:27 PM
Hi! Reporting from the hospital chair with the red drug currently going in - the one that makes all liquids coming out of my body pink in the next couple of days ;D

My stupid tablet keeps breaking down argh
I'm listening to Placebo and now I have to eat something (I told them i only wanted cheese and crackers, and then biscuits - not risking lots of food this time), and then will continue with my book.

Gem, thanks so much for your words, truly
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Hedin on August 25, 2016, 01:08:50 PM
Hi! Reporting from the hospital chair with the red drug currently going in...

Make sure you free us all from the Matrix after you're done.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on August 25, 2016, 02:08:16 PM
Love and hugs, ScarletBea, one more to back up the archers.  ;D This hot lady is helping you get rid of all the pink and turn it into rainbows

(http://affirmation.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/dragon-300x267.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 25, 2016, 03:44:36 PM
Day 2 later today... :-\
I keep telling myself it'll be better this time, but I also can't help but worry *gets positive energy from F-F army*

oooh!  ooh!  i got this!

(http://m3mnoch.com/static/images/rainbow-vomit.gif)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Mr.J on August 25, 2016, 04:17:20 PM
Hmm positive, positive energy.

Umm, oh I know!

(http://young.scot/media/2416/minion-gif.gif?width=500&height=226)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 25, 2016, 05:32:40 PM
I have to say I prefer Mr.J's minions than m3m's rainbow, which unfortunately looks a lot like (well, is...) throwing up, which is the thing I do NOT want to happen this time ;)
(and yes, last time I had a similar explosive one!)

Luckily (knock on wood, fingers crossed, all that), it seems the new meds are working, and 3 hours after finishing, I'm still sort of ok.

Yes, I feel a bit sick, but no need to throw up what I ate/drank. Also feeling very tired, and being careful when changing position because I'm getting dizzy quite easily, but all things considered, everything bearable :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Deads on August 25, 2016, 05:33:39 PM
Hold fast!
PMA being sent your way, Bea!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Saraband on August 25, 2016, 06:59:55 PM
 ;)

(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-h3BLTJMTXkE/VS6PfVpHiXI/AAAAAAACfro/MSfh4rTQeEg/w426-h417/VIBES1.gif)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 25, 2016, 08:28:23 PM
oh wow that one is kinda psychadelic 8)

Anyway, everyone's good vibes and army seem to be working :D I had 2 scrambled eggs on a piece of toast for dinner, and even if I didn't finish the toast, I did eat all the eggs, and over 1 hour later everything is still on the inside ;)
I do feel really sleepy, I don't think I'll be having mid-night net events anymore (unless it's rather a case of messed up body clock, which apparently the steroids totally do)

@Deads (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=41477), thanks, did you send it? I didn't receive anything, just saying
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 26, 2016, 04:37:13 PM
Ohmygawd! :D
Thanks so much, @m3mnoch (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40419)!

I've just received a signed Fool's Assassin, from Robin Hobb directly, signed by her, together with a signed bookplate AND a handwritten postcard where she explains that it was him who asked, and wishes me all the best :o :D

I don't know how you did it, I guess you've got hidden connections that we don't know about?? ;D

Still feeling quite ok, all things considered - worse that before the treatment, but much better than last time :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 26, 2016, 05:19:36 PM
Hey that's a great pick-me-up! Well played @m3mnoch (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40419)!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 26, 2016, 05:32:23 PM
Ohmygawd! :D
Thanks so much, @m3mnoch (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40419)!

I've just received a signed Fool's Assassin, from Robin Hobb directly, signed by her, together with a signed bookplate AND a handwritten postcard where she explains that it was him who asked, and wishes me all the best :o :D

I don't know how you did it, I guess you've got hidden connections that we don't know about?? ;D

Still feeling quite ok, all things considered - worse that before the treatment, but much better than last time :)


what can i say?  you inspire everyone.  not just us on the forums.

xoxo!

Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 26, 2016, 06:22:38 PM
Ohmygawd! :D
Thanks so much, @m3mnoch (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40419)!

I've just received a signed Fool's Assassin, from Robin Hobb directly, signed by her, together with a signed bookplate AND a handwritten postcard where she explains that it was him who asked, and wishes me all the best :o :D

I don't know how you did it, I guess you've got hidden connections that we don't know about?? ;D

Still feeling quite ok, all things considered - worse that before the treatment, but much better than last time :)

what can i say?  you inspire everyone.  not just us on the forums.

xoxo!

Wow, that's cool.

And I'm with m3mnoch here. You ARE an inspiration @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020).
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on August 26, 2016, 07:19:55 PM
Very awesome.
Chris, when I can have my signed first edition Hobbit?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: tebakutis on August 26, 2016, 07:52:11 PM
Very awesome.
Chris, when I can have my signed first edition Hobbit?

Let's be reasonable. Even if m3mnoch is familiar with necromancy, do we *want* a zombie J.R.R. Tolkein running around?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 26, 2016, 07:55:05 PM
Very awesome.
Chris, when I can have my signed first edition Hobbit?

sure, sure.  lemme reach out to chris and baillie.  maybe see if someone in the family has a copy laying around.  i'll tell her it's for a friend.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: xiagan on August 26, 2016, 08:28:30 PM
Very awesome.
Chris, when I can have my signed first edition Hobbit?

Let's be reasonable. Even if m3mnoch is familiar with necromancy, do we *want* a zombie J.R.R. Tolkein running around?
Depends on him being able to write or not. ;)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on August 26, 2016, 08:44:35 PM
My Dad is home after much convincing of hospital assessors to let him go.  Two of the three tumors responded well to radiotherapy and the one on his spine has shrunk enough that the nerve group to his leg is not being squeezed.
He is frail and has lost weight he can't spare in hospital but he gets to start his chemo proper as an outpatient and despite hating everyone fussing and the things he can't or is not allowed to do for himself I think he will be happier here than still in hospital which he loathed for the loss of privacy and dignity.
His PICC goes in Wednesday and treatment starts the week after.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 26, 2016, 09:03:32 PM
My Dad is home after much convincing of hospital assessors to let him go.  Two of the three tumors responded well to radiotherapy and the one on his spine has shrunk enough that the nerve group to his leg is not being squeezed.
He is frail and has lost weight he can't spare in hospital but he gets to start his chemo proper as an outpatient and despite hating everyone fussing and the things he can't or is not allowed to do for himself I think he will be happier here than still in hospital which he loathed for the loss of privacy and dignity.
His PICC goes in Wednesday and treatment starts the week after.

I'm so glad about the good things, and yes, home is better than hospital.
PICC doesn't hurt at all, and tip for washing: wrap it in clingfilm. Best time of the week? When I go to the hospital for flushing and they remove the dressings and rub the skin with a fresh alcohol wipe ;D
Also, if he's going outside or having visitors, have short sleeve shirts, and doesn't want to show the line, cut a sock into a tube - I got a cheap sock set from Sainsbury's with ice creams and sweets with faces (a bit similar to smileys, hehe) that I use to cover mine.

Don't worry about calling the chemo helpline as often as needed in the first time, and if side effects don't disappear, insist in getting different meds - I'm just seeing the difference that made.

Good things for weight, easy to eat: bananas and ice creams :D
Ice lollies (no milk) for when he's feeling sick.

Best of luck!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on August 27, 2016, 05:40:34 AM
Glad to hear your Dad can be at home again, @Rostum (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40251), and there has been some improvement from the treatment so far. Hoping that they also find the least upsetting meds fairly quickly. Good to know from ScarletBea that there are alternatives to try out.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 29, 2016, 08:16:20 AM
So my trip to Vegas to see my mom for her 70th has taken a wretched turn. Her doctors have gotten her into a dangerous prescription drug addiction situation. And my summer was going so well ... the worst thing was imagining what you all were dealing with.

Once more into the breach ...

This is why the young should fear the Old ... They have no idea the shit we've had to deal with, overcome, and survive.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 29, 2016, 10:00:15 AM
Oh Gem, that's so sad :-\
Any 'easy' way out? I just can't believe doctors sometimes can be so blind... I've been really lucky with mine.

As for your comment about the young fearing the old - I would rather use the word "listen to", hehe

My parents (mid-70s) are coming to visit me in a week and a bit: I can't wait :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 29, 2016, 10:25:23 AM
So my trip to Vegas to see my mom for her 70th has taken a wretched turn. Her doctors have gotten her into a dangerous prescription drug addiction situation. And my summer was going so well ... the worst thing was imagining what you all were dealing with.

Holy crap, that's awful. How did they manage THAT?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on August 29, 2016, 11:25:01 AM
Really Sorry to hear it Gem. Pain killers or anti depressants?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 29, 2016, 03:22:57 PM
Xanax and other depressants.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on August 29, 2016, 04:12:11 PM
oh no!  i hope your family powers straight through the mess to come out the other side shiny and clean.

but, absolutely, give her our love.  you know, the love of a bunch of random people on the internet that she doesn't know.  i'm sure that won't weird her out at all . . .
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 29, 2016, 05:25:56 PM
It will be difficult but it's possible - but very very slowly (in my experience).

As for me, I went out. Walked into town, slowly (about 10 mins); got a Fruit Booster at Café Nero, and was sitting there in the nice sofas, drinking and reading my Wee Free Men: I almost fell asleep :o
Walked back home and slept for over an hour - I need to check out times hehe
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on August 29, 2016, 09:56:52 PM
TGC, really sorry to hear about your mom.
My dad had terrible back pain for years, and he was on the slide to addiction. (My late step-mom said he was there.)

As m3mnoch says, a bunch of random people on the internet are rooting for her, and for you.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on August 29, 2016, 10:27:37 PM
TGC am truly sorry to hear about your mother. Sometimes it is a very hard choice between a condition making life miserable and a cure or relief that has damaging side effects. I hope you can come to the right compromise together to help make her life as comfortable and enjoyable as possible.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on August 30, 2016, 09:49:04 PM
Just want to add a little bit of good news here.

This spring I found out that my uncle's wife of around thirty years had serious cancer. They live on the other side of the country and so I've never gotten to know them all that well, but aside from meeting them on family gatherings and such as a kid I would typically stay at their apartment the night before flying to Norway for my annual visits to my dad in Norway. I've never known them to be anything other than decent people.

Today mom informed me that the latest test showed no sign of cancer. So that's nice.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on August 30, 2016, 10:08:24 PM
My sister and I initiated an improvised intervention, and it was successful at convincing my mother that she was in danger, and needed to take serious action. She lives overseas, so there were limits to what we could do, and very limited resources available. She has flown home, where she will follow up with her doctor and plan a transition from a frightening level of medication (4mg of Xanax!!!!!) to ... we still don't know. She remains in desperate danger of dying in her sleep, but at least she now knows the danger is real, and we're all tracking to ensure she gets the advice she needs.

I have been in many difficult crises involving all manner of bad things, like attempted suicides, amputation of eyes, you name it - hence my respect for this forum and the obstacles this group deals with every day.

My one word of caution, as much for myself as anyone else - it never ends, so pace yourself. Every gigantic wave that almost capsizes the boat is followed by a trough, if you're lucky, but then another. And another. I have come to realize that it is not the dealing with the waves that makes one a sailor of life, but the knowledge that there is no shore - which means that everyone you encounter is also either just recovering from a wave, or about to encounter one. As the Buddhist saying goes "Make no enemies, for death is around every corner."
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on August 30, 2016, 11:21:12 PM
Having survived an ocean of waves of many kinds I agree life throws stuff at you often. But also find that when you scramble around battered and exhausted, there are wonderful highlights in between and plenty of love and laughter around if you are prepared to welcome it. Everyone on this thread proves it.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on August 31, 2016, 03:30:00 AM
 :)
We're all grown-up enough to know there's no "happy ever after", but there certainly is a "happy around the corner, even if you think things will never stop".
Every step we take is in that direction, and even if it takes a while, it's totally worth it, and makes you so much stronger for the next battle.

Having relied on fierce independence for so long, I have learnt to appreciate immensely the help everyone gives me, both directly (the people physically near in my life) and indirectly, the ones far away who may stay quiet but keep wishing me good things, in silence and without making a fuss. You guys are a huge part of that, and the 'army', that started as a joke in the beginning, has become a very important thing for me.

And I've taken one step for 'after': yesterday I bought my plane ticket to go to Portugal for almost 2 weeks during Christmas :D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 01, 2016, 04:14:38 PM
Rocking the look ;)

(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/zobg-ZiPTiO2oxho7udk8tMUkBp8dlsc5HP0V2bNOSyaNRcLVuw2HyabHNjspRMg9q71XRNlJq1F3Q=w1366-h768-no)

And this afternoon I had the most wonderful back and neck massage, all free, courtesy of this national BC charity - wonderful :D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on September 01, 2016, 04:48:10 PM
Lovely girl. Glad you're feeling alright!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on September 01, 2016, 05:10:56 PM
I feel we should all be talking in Pirate to you if you are going to dress the part. You need to wear a thick hoop earing though.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on September 01, 2016, 05:31:56 PM
I feel we should all be talking in Pirate to you if you are going to dress the part. You need to wear a thick hoop though.

(http://i.imgur.com/bjp2h1L.png)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 01, 2016, 09:32:42 PM
I won't get away from 'pirate', right, now with the contest? It must be the pic, because I thought it actually looks more gypsy ::)
Anyway, if you can't fight them...
ahoy me mateys ;D

I don't have a parrot to go on my shoulder, but I do have a dragon or a goat :P

(and Rostum - the last and only time I wore big thick loop earrings was slap bang in the middle of the 80s :-X )
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lanko on September 02, 2016, 12:38:32 AM
After reading all this, my pirate will definitely be called Scarlet now  ::)

Already claimed it. Or come fight my crew for it. You will all be walking the plank before noon  8)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on September 02, 2016, 01:04:55 AM
I am claiming Tarnish MacLongboots for my pirate name. I am seeking a crew with a liberal paid-time-off policy and a high ratio of female crewmembers. If you need me, I'll be in my bunk.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on September 02, 2016, 11:06:39 AM
Quote
I am claiming Tarnish MacLongboots for my pirate name. I am seeking a crew with a liberal European paid-time-off policy and a high ratio of female crewmembers. If you need me, I'll be in my bunk.

Fixed that for you Gem.

Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 02, 2016, 03:21:54 PM
It's COLD! :o
How come all the poor bald/nearly bald men that I've met in my life, from uni colleagues to my cousin, never mentioned that?

I don't want to wear a scarf at home, but I might have to get a simple cap to keep me warm >:( >:(
*mumble mumble*
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: wakarimasen on September 02, 2016, 03:45:38 PM
I tell ya... you go away for a few months and don't read a few threads, then you get back and it's BAM! LIfe - right between the eyes with both barrells.

Bea - I feel like I have a backlog of positive vibes I should have sent your way. I'll be sure inform the universe to forward them to you with alacrity!

Much much love. Now get some wax on that dome and cosplay Picard dammit!

Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 02, 2016, 03:55:32 PM
Lovely @wakarimasen (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40242) is back :D
No worries, you were always part of my F-F army, already got your vibes ;) I hope you're ok too x

No dome yet... more like Frankenstein's monster ;D sometimes I feel I should go around scaring little children 8)

The weirdest thing I noticed today is that many strangers smile at me when I'm walking around with my scarf/pirate cap on :o I just feel weird smiling back, as if I'm sending a message that I'm not really sure what it is...
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: wakarimasen on September 02, 2016, 04:16:15 PM
Well... either they're just trying to give you some positive vibes 'cos they know lifes tough at the moment and your smile is saying. "Thankyou, I know you mean well."

ooorrrrrr

They know about a pirate related bounty scheme in your area and can't contain their excitement at the chance to inform on you and claim their reward. In which case you smile is saying, "You'll swing from the bow sprit  if you try that backstabbing nonsense lubber"
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Hedin on September 02, 2016, 04:57:57 PM
So I had the worst dream of my life last night.  In it my wife and I were with our oldest daughter at some sort of state/national park.  We hiked up to this plateau/cliff that had some really pretty scenery and were just at the top enjoying the view.  I was standing next to my daughter when she slipped and started falling off the edge.  I did one of those slow-motion movie things where the person tries to grab someone from falling only to just miss them and then proceeded to watch her fall off the side.  The worst part is that I looked over the side and could see her fall and hit every ledge or tree on the way and each time she hit something she would let out a cry.  I remember about to jump off myself to go try to save her somehow and right before I did I looked back at my wife and the look on her face told me that it would be too late no matter what I did.

I woke up almost immediately then and rushed into her room to make sure she was ok and gave her a kiss (I'm surprised I didn't wake her up at all).  When I got back to bed she asked me what that was all about and I told her everything but watching her hit everything and the sounds because that was just too disturbing to tell her.  I was eventually able to go back to sleep but it's still been bothering me all morning thinking about it. 
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 02, 2016, 05:51:27 PM
Oh gosh Hedin, that is absolutely awful :o
*hugs*
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on September 02, 2016, 06:03:43 PM
Yow, @Hedin (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32543).
That's one that will stick with you.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ultamentkiller on September 02, 2016, 06:05:52 PM
That's really rough Hedin. Hopefully you can shake it off as the day goes on.

I've had pretty awful dreams the past couple of nights as well.

Two nights ago, I had a dream where I wasn't myself. It was this kid who was in middle school. He had a big test tomorrow, and the teachers offered to host a lockin so that they could get some more studying in. Around midnight, some of the kids got a little rebellious, so the teacher informed them that they weren't obligated to be there, and they could go home. That's when the main kid realized that he forgot his toothbrush and toothpaste at home, and he didn't want his breath to smell and his teeth to look disgusting. So he called his Mom and asked her to pick him up.

Then the scene changes to his Mom and Dad and someone else sitting in a van parked in some parking lot. The Mom informs the child that she won't be able to pick him up, and that he needs to stay there. After the kid complains for a while, his Dad decides to call him an Uber, and says they'll be home by the time the kid gets home so they can take him back to school.

So the kid gets home. He sees his brother on the phone when he arrives, but doesn't think much of it. What he notices right away is that his parents still aren't back. So he picks up the phone and calls them. His Mom starts rattling off excuses why she can't make it, and that's when he realizes that she's never coming back. That she had been on the phone with his brother, and had given him the phone number for a lawyer to transfer guardianship.

Then time starts moving faster. I saw him enter a depressed rage, screaming and throwing things around the house. As he went through puberty, his screams of anguish got lower and more demonic. At the end of the dream, he's hollow and empty. He has nothing left. That's when the devil showed up. He told the kid, "come with me. You have nothing to live for. You'll be better and happier if you let me have your soul." And the kid says yes.

Now, at this point I'm seeing this from the perspective of the kid. So when he reaches out for Satan's hand, I feel his spirit start being pulled up and out of his body. And that's when the demonic laughter starts. I had to physically fight to get out of that dream. It took me five seconds to get my body to sit up, and afterword I was pretty shaken. It's not the first demonic dream I've had, but it's been a while.

Then last night, I had a much shorter dream. I was in the car with my Mom and Stepdad, and we were stuck in Atlanta traffic. My mom was in the car one second, and the next it was my stepdad and stepniece. We had been talking about this creepy guy, when all of the sudden we heard tapping on the sunroof. I called Mom and told her that someone was on the roof. Then I looked up and started yelling at him. He slowly got off of the car, which was almost scarier than him being on it. Then, my stepdad sees him come around with a gun. I duck as the gun fires, and my Stepdad jumps out of the car to try to fight him. I don't know what happened exactly, but the last thing I remember is the gun aimed directly at my face, and him pulling the trigger.

Dark dreams, dark nights.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on September 03, 2016, 09:16:57 AM
@Hedin (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32543)  My throat tightened up reading that. I used to have almost that exact dream regularly, centered on my autistic son. The cliff was not so high, but it overlooked a busy roadway and the entire dream consisted of my slow-motion sprint as he slipped over the edge. So, I feel your pain literally. Parenthood is often like a joy sandwich: thick, sweet joy between slices of spine - tingling fear and gut wrenching  doubt.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lanko on September 03, 2016, 10:17:56 AM
Dark dreams, dark nights.

I totally read that as "Dark dreams, dark knights".

Hm, maybe it could be a cool opening sentence  ::)

Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on September 03, 2016, 01:41:34 PM
@Hedin (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32543) scary and unpleasant as it was this is actually a good dream. It is reminding you that you have something to lose. You have a comfortable life, great family and loving partner. Nightmares tend to be about what you are scared of losing not what you have already lost.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on September 03, 2016, 09:04:26 PM
I normally remember next to nothing about my dreams. And I'm normally not one to put any stock in premonitions. But...

Several years ago me, my half-sister, my dad and his brother decided to take a stroll up Súlur, a mountain that overlooks the town. It's a fairly popular hiking trail and doesn't require any equipment, though of course there are sections where one passes by sheer drops.

The night before our morning ascent I had a dream. I didn't quite remember it, but what I DID remember was that I had gone on a journey with a group of people, and not everyone had returned.

Even with rigid, autistic, logic-based thinking on my side, I was more than a little nervous as we prepared and headed towards the mountain. I felt compelled to tell dad about my dream. Because damn it, the logical part that controls most of my brain knew premonitions aren't real, but there is always that other part. The part that never quite grows up, or sheds its fear of the dark. The part that goes off when we hear a noise at night.

Nothing went wrong during the trip.

I was highly safety conscious, and when my sister elected to stay behind close to the peak (and a sheer drop) in foggy conditions, I was quite uneasy.

As I said, no-one got hurt. But who knows? Maybe, just maybe, premonitions are warning rather than just a peek at unavoidable fate. Maybe my nervousness-induced hypercaution prevented some disaster. Dad certainly admitted shortly afterwards that he had been quite uneasy himself, after hearing about my dream.

Or, maybe I was just a bit nervous about the climb as I went to sleep, and my brain spun something out of that. Who knows?  ::)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 04, 2016, 09:07:17 AM
Weepy dry eyes?
Really?
 >:(
(current book has very small font...)

At least concentration is up... ::)

And first time in 10 days of sleeping straight through the night :D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 05, 2016, 01:04:38 PM
Colourful (non-piratey) ;D
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/cuul1uefdktOpAZqD6B54mcYbVx8MRsTS4KQR8_Gzu95-WHeAk-vMuF-SmsnXwUdQKqKDipS32H6vQ=w1366-h768-no)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on September 05, 2016, 02:16:18 PM
That looks terrific- much more classy than piratey.  ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 05, 2016, 02:18:43 PM
hehe the other photo you called piratey also had the rolled bits on top, but because of the white/dark-blue colours, you couldn't really see ;)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on September 05, 2016, 10:10:12 PM
Well, @ScarletBea (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=32020), if nothing else this whole thing is allowing you to experiment with headgear. Silver linings, ya know.

Anyway, if I may whine about my own issues for a few moments: Ever had one of those days? When some one thing goes wrong, and it brings all the other problems down on your head at once?
This may seem pretty minor, but the they don't speak about the anvil that broke the camel's back. But anyway, I was doing homework, and I seem to have found my absolute least favourite of my university subjects. I had real trouble just focusing on the text (I've spoken before about my attention problems with things that don't interest me), and an entire semester of this book stretching out before me, with a test waiting at the end like a guillotine blade, I... well, didn't exactly go to my happy place. It sent me into a familiar spiral: Body issues, loneliness, feelings of failure, general anxiety about my life... all the good stuff.

What brought me out of it? A long walk, approaching the problem again with calmer nerves, and, most importantly: My willingness to talk to the right people.

I'm still a bit anxious, but I truly believe that communication is a vital ingredient in mental well-being. The episode inspired me to write a blog post on the issue, relating to a line in a book that has stayed with me for about twenty years:

https://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_posts/13891016-our-social-mask

Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on September 06, 2016, 03:26:25 AM
@Eli_Freysson (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40309) I had already written something today elsewhere about the value of friends when you need them and then came and read your post. In particular

Quote
What brought me out of it? A long walk, approaching the problem again with calmer nerves, and, most importantly: My willingness to talk to the right people.

Next what you wrote in the link was helpful and so right and in particular this at the end sums it up -

Quote
If you are hurting on the inside, tell someone. Do something about it, just like you would if you were having back problems.

I have always been stubbornly independent, and still am, but learned you can reach a point when you just cannot do everything on your own and it is not failing to ask for help.

At one time, after months of struggle and worry, but keeping the "I'm just fine" face for the world, I reached the deepest desperation of all my life. Just not knowing how I could face another day. I had to, because others were completely reliant on me, but if not for them I'm not sure what I would have done.  I phoned friends and poured it all out. They were understanding and supportive, came over straight away  and gently told me off for not seeking help long before that point. It made a huge difference and started me back to being able to cope and get things in perspective again.
 
Just that first step of telling someone. Thanks for putting that out here, Eli.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 06, 2016, 08:32:24 AM
Quote
What brought me out of it? A long walk, approaching the problem again with calmer nerves, and, most importantly: My willingness to talk to the right people.

Next what you wrote in the link was helpful and so right and in particular this at the end sums it up -

Quote
If you are hurting on the inside, tell someone. Do something about it, just like you would if you were having back problems.

I have always been stubbornly independent, and still am, but learned you can reach a point when you just cannot do everything on your own and it is not failing to ask for help.
This too, for me.
I read your post last night but didn't know what to say to help/support - thanks Lady_Ty for putting what I was feeling into words, and you Eli, for discovering it before it's too late :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on September 07, 2016, 01:55:35 AM
Despair and doubt are intensified and made perilous by loneliness and isolation. Seek others, virtually and in the flesh. And remember you are not alone. I had a low point this year that was dangerous and painful, and many who consider me tough and resilient were surprised to learn that I have limits that can be reached without obvious stressors.

Don't believe everything that you think. Stay strong and stay safe.
- Gem Cutter
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 07, 2016, 10:48:02 AM
(Sorry for posting so much about me, but I just like to share)

I was sick of the little wisps of hair that kept floating around the house, and today I got my 'lady shaver' and removed them all. There's still some fuzz, I had the protection on, but I'm now basically Picard/superhero 8)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on September 07, 2016, 03:02:59 PM
I'm just happy you use your powers for good, Ms. Scarlet. One can only imagine the Machiavellian schemes and the underground lair if you became a Lex Luthor or a Dr. Evil ...
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 07, 2016, 03:09:52 PM
I'm just happy you use your powers for good, Ms. Scarlet. One can only imagine the Machiavellian schemes and the underground lair if you became a Lex Luthor or a Dr. Evil ...

(http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/evil-laugh.gif)

 ;D ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: SugoiMe on September 08, 2016, 04:00:58 AM

I was sick of the little wisps of hair that kept floating around the house, and today I got my 'lady shaver' and removed them all. There's still some fuzz, I had the protection on, but I'm now basically Picard/superhero 8)

I was feeling down, but you just made my day!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on September 10, 2016, 02:32:07 AM

I was sick of the little wisps of hair that kept floating around the house, and today I got my 'lady shaver' and removed them all. There's still some fuzz, I had the protection on, but I'm now basically Picard/superhero 8)

I was feeling down, but you just made my day!

@SugoiMe (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40371) sorry you're having a hard time and sounds as though you're not getting any time to yourself to just try and relax. Hope they're treating you OK at your new job and comfortable in your new home.
You may think I'm nuts. but accidentally started reading the last part of our last RPG last week and it was soooo much fun, I'd forgotten how good it was. If you have time go back there and dip in and have a smile.
Here's a reminder sent with a fluffy hug ;)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRC4Vk6kisY[/youtube]
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: SugoiMe on September 10, 2016, 04:05:30 AM

I was sick of the little wisps of hair that kept floating around the house, and today I got my 'lady shaver' and removed them all. There's still some fuzz, I had the protection on, but I'm now basically Picard/superhero 8)

I was feeling down, but you just made my day!

@SugoiMe (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40371) sorry you're having a hard time and sounds as though you're not getting any time to yourself to just try and relax. Hope they're treating you OK at your new job and comfortable in your new home.
You may think I'm nuts. but accidentally started reading the last part of our last RPG last week and it was soooo much fun, I'd forgotten how good it was. If you have time go back there and dip in and have a smile.
Here's a reminder sent with a fluffy hug ;)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRC4Vk6kisY[/youtube]

Aw, you're so sweet! Loved the little video. Made me smile.

I was feeling down because loneliness paid me a visit again. But I'm determined to get out there! There are a couple of church functions this weekend, and I'm gonna go. I'm also helping out at one of them.

For a couple weeks now I've been considering dropping one of my jobs, the one where I'm property manager for my brother. I'm not quite sure how I'm gonna approach him about it, but I want to call him this weekend (he lives in a different province, hence why he needs a property manager to keep an eye on his three places in this city). That would ease my schedule a bit and I can focus on my full time job and putting in odd hours for my dad's work, not to mention writing!

New job is great by the way! I think I'm really finding my stride and connected with one of my coworkers. Also bought a 32 inch TV and a cheap TV stand for my place, so it looks a little more like a home now and not an empty basement suite.

Anyway, wish me luck with going about resigning my job and finding a friend this weekend, both of which are a challenge for me!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 10, 2016, 09:11:20 AM
Anyway, wish me luck with going about resigning my job and finding a friend this weekend, both of which are a challenge for me!
Lots of good luck!!!
xx
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 11, 2016, 08:27:26 PM
Oh, sisters ::) ::)

Yesterday, on phone
Me: I'm bald now, I've started wearing scarves
Sister: You wear it because you want to, if you want to go around bald you can, people should just put up with it

Today, on skype
Me: Hello, I'm going to take off my scarf and show you bald me
Sister: No, don't

 ::)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 15, 2016, 03:46:24 PM
(people, please post more here... it's starting to feel like a personal blog ::) :-[ )

Third treatment done!!!

I'll only truly count 'halfway' after the first week, which is when I have the most side effects, but, what the heck,
I'VE ALREADY DONE HALF THE DRUGS, YAY ;D

(and 2 hours later, still feeling ok - just way more tired)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: tebakutis on September 15, 2016, 06:56:44 PM
I read this story today, and it really tugged at my heartstrings.

http://www.cnn.com/2016/09/13/opinions/climate-kids-federal-lawsuit/index.html (http://www.cnn.com/2016/09/13/opinions/climate-kids-federal-lawsuit/index.html)

Basically, a group of 21 kids (all too young to vote) have gotten together and filed a class-action suit against President Obama (and the federal government) for refusing to take definitive action to curb manmade climate change. Despite being so young, these kids are fully aware of how climate change is affecting our planet, and fully aware that they and their children (not the people currently in charge) are going to be suffering through those changes. While this story makes me sad, it's also heartwarming to see these kids already getting politically active. While scared, they are also hopeful. Seems to fit this thread well.

One note as an aside - just on the off-chance anyone suggests that a story about manmade climate change belongs in the Politics thread .... NO. It does not. The only people who have politicized climate change are politicians working on behalf of oil companies, and the science (that humans, by our actions, are warming the planet) has been proven time and time again. I do *not* want to start a debate about whether manmade climate change is occurring, because it is. What I wanted to focus on was these kids, who aren't even old enough yet to vote, taking action despite their fears and trying to make a positive change in the world.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on September 15, 2016, 07:00:41 PM
Yes, Ms. Scarlet. Right away, Ms. Scarlet. :D

I am glad your treatments are proceeding smoothly, or at least, appear to be. Cancer has impacted my family (and continues to), so I cheer you on as you face the dragon of our age. Armor up, buttercup! It's WAR!

I was going to post last night or yesterday, but I was, as the rednecks say,  "really tarred."  I wanted to mention two things. The first is, I am a huge fan of, and likely relative to Tony Robbins - his motivational style mirrors my own, and beyond his great height, we speak, think, and act the same.  His approach to motivation, hope, resiliency, etc., I find less coddling, and more empowering than the others in that industry. In this usage, I intend "empowering" to mean that if one takes the time and effort, that power comes back in a useful way.

The second thing I wanted to share is that unexpectedly I stand between two parents in two different crises - one with serious issues. I won't rehash the details but they're real, they're scary, and they set me in a difficult position - confront and alienate my parent(s), or let them crash and burn. Of course, I will confront and alienate, as I'd rather be alone with a clear conscience. That's just how I roll.

This forum is one of my few outlets in this lonely writer's life, so I am sure these things will impact me in some way. So if I seem off - unusually intense or reactive, it's because I am. So pre-emptive apologies for any interactions that might slide sideways.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Peat on September 15, 2016, 07:28:56 PM
Oh, sisters ::) ::)

Yesterday, on phone
Me: I'm bald now, I've started wearing scarves
Sister: You wear it because you want to, if you want to go around bald you can, people should just put up with it

Today, on skype
Me: Hello, I'm going to take off my scarf and show you bald me
Sister: No, don't

 ::)

You should know by now that sisters are exempt from the rules that apply to normal people.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on September 15, 2016, 08:25:28 PM
I was just going to post a gif of a tumbleweed, but since others have posted now I'll just go ahead and do the same.  :)

On the whole, I think I'm doing all right. My decision to tackle university 60% rather than 100% is proving to be a wise one, as I think a full load would be stretching my nerves about as much as my old job.

Still, I have a talent for making myself nervous and definitely have my moments. I worry about whether I'm really absorbing enough, how I'm going to do now that I'm getting first assignments that count to my score/rating/whatever the English word is. I worry that I'm going too easy on myself, and indulging too much in the regular, non-school things I consider essential parts of my life.

Of course, 90% of the worries we plague ourselves with turn out to be unfounded, but knowing that rationally and knowing it emotionally are very different things.

My writing has been a bit inconsistent. Sometimes I don't manage much for several days, but I sometimes I get more than a thousand words done a day. I think on average my writing will be slightly slower than in my unemployment days, but not drastically so.

On the other hand, two of the regulars in my pen-and-paper group are moving away, so my social life is taking a hit. For now, at least. There's a... thing happening next week. I'm not sure what to call it, but us students come together downtown in costumes, and get drunk. It should be fun for a while, but I'll probably have to leave relatively early before the noise starts to really grate.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on September 15, 2016, 08:37:24 PM
Think this would be rag week in the UK.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rag_(student_society) (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rag_(student_society))
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 16, 2016, 09:44:37 AM
they set me in a difficult position - confront and alienate my parent(s), or let them crash and burn. Of course, I will confront and alienate, as I'd rather be alone with a clear conscience. That's just how I roll.
Lots of good luck for this, Gem.

I'm a bit like that, if I see problems (and sometimes injustices).
For me it only happened at work, but I just wanted to say "whatever" and let them clean up the mess later, but I just couldn't do it, and had to do my best to highlight the problems.
I know my parents and uncle had to do a 'confrontation' with a family member ages ago, but I was never involved. I don't think it worked, though :-\

And I've slept almost 12 hours in the last 20 hours :o I suppose it's my body catching up, and I enjoyed while I can, since today I start taking the steroids for 5 days and they do mess up your sleep...
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on September 16, 2016, 04:41:56 PM
Quote
And I've slept almost 12 hours in the last 20 hours :o I suppose it's my body catching up, and I enjoyed while I can, since today I start taking the steroids for 5 days and they do mess up your sleep...

Having not slept much at all this week I will not type the first thought which came into my head. In truth I am glad you did you obviously need it at the moment. I could do with getting more than three hours a night just to be properly functional.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 16, 2016, 04:48:55 PM
You don't need steroids ;D
The other days I also sleep about 3-4 hours in a row, but I manage that twice a night, so it's not so bad, just interrupted.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on September 16, 2016, 05:04:39 PM
Like sharing vacation hours with fellow employees, I have cut my hours of sleep back, and urge you to pick up the hours I am not using. Get your rest, pace yourselves, and attend to your healing and treatments.

Last night I had just covertly slipped into bed without waking Mrs. Gem Cutter, and I was sleepy. My head hit the pillow and my drowsy eyes were closing when BAM! It hit me! The answer to what my book needs. And then another and another. I grumbled and got out of bed and went and wrote it all down - which energized me, and BAM! Next thing I know, it's 4:45 a.m. Love this job :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on September 16, 2016, 05:24:03 PM
Quote
Last night I had just covertly slipped into bed without waking Mrs. Gem Cutter, and I was sleepy. My head hit the pillow and my drowsy eyes were closing when BAM! It hit me! The answer to what my book needs. And then another and another. I grumbled and got out of bed and went and wrote it all down - which energized me, and BAM! Next thing I know, it's 4:45 a.m. Love this job :)

There is a name for this but it escapes me at the moment. A neurochemical response to a problem that can only be resolved at that point of nearly being asleep. If you had not got up and fallen asleep those answers, like dreams would have been lost to you.

Insomnia is a strange impediment. Withdrawal symptoms from sleep leave you frustrated as you know you are far from your best. Sluggish of thought and action,quick to anger and it is unfixable, you need to ride it out. What I suffer is very mild in comparison to some. I suspect you know more about sleep depravation than I do, but I know why it works.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 19, 2016, 06:40:33 PM
Trailing through this 3rd cycle like in the second one: minor sickness, quite tired.
Furry mouth starting, hehe
Manageable...

Today I wrote a 'news' mail to old friends in Portugal, including my photo wearing the yellow scarf, and I had lots of replies saying how strong I was being, and that kind of thing. But... how else would I handle it? Moan about the unfairness of life? Cry all the time? Think about the stuff I no longer have, the cares I must have forever? That would just make me feel even worse and not solve anything at all, so for me it's not an option.

My parents keep sending me real postcards (some funny, some thoughtful), and today I got one that said "Living isn't waiting for the storm to go away, it's to learn to dance in the rain" :)

As for you all, thanks for being around and chatting and posting.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on September 19, 2016, 06:51:09 PM
[...] That would just make me feel even worse and not solve anything at all, so for me it's not an option.

My parents keep sending me real postcards (some funny, some thoughtful), and today I got one that said "Living isn't waiting for the storm to go away, it's to learn to dance in the rain" :)


The image below, I think, expands the metaphor of the storm and explains our role - we're not posting - we're bailing!  That's what a crew does in rough weather. Well, some do. I drink brandy and tell stories. Yawrrr!


(https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y1Z3XR6eDFE/VtQgwf5GWGI/AAAAAAAAZ8o/zlcn3zj7HA8/s1600/inspirational-quotes-2.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 21, 2016, 09:11:31 PM
Still experimenting with food and drink...

Today was quite a weird day for my stomach, but apparently what works (well, works today - might change again tomorrow ::) ): bagel with houmous, fruit smoothies, tortilla chips, ice lollies, banana soaked in orange juice, oven crisps.
Oh, I also had a mince pie 8)

Next week I have a nutritionism appointment at the BC charity and I'm supposed to fill in a food diary of the previous 4 days: but eating crazily like this, how can she have an idea of my normal habits? I'll have to be really clear that this isn't normal ;D

I'm keeping my weight constant, though (a bit lower than before), so I suppose it's not so bad?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on September 21, 2016, 09:25:52 PM
My parents keep sending me real postcards (some funny, some thoughtful), and today I got one that said "Living isn't waiting for the storm to go away, it's to learn to dance in the rain" :)

that ^^^ is one of the best quotes ever.

as an eternal optimist, i LOVE it.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on September 21, 2016, 09:40:03 PM
Still experimenting with food and drink...

Today was quite a weird day for my stomach, but apparently what works (well, works today - might change again tomorrow ::) ): bagel with houmous, fruit smoothies, tortilla chips, ice lollies, banana soaked in orange juice, oven crisps.
Oh, I also had a mince pie 8)
Suggestion: whey protein is essentially flavorless, makes smoothies frothier, and helps your brains (and everything else).
Banana soaked in OJ is a new concept - I may try that.

I have always had a good brain that was effective, but I noticed that my writing (and some other functions like memory and problem solving) responded positively to lots of protein - eggs most noticeably. So as part of my master plan to dominate the world one novel at a time, I did some research and incorporated proteins (beans, eggs, whey protein) and other things (nuts, fish oil) into my diet. My results have been outstanding. My writing is better and my ideas (esp. those coming from deep down in response to persistent problems) have flowed faster and arrived better.

I freeze bananas and use them in smoothies in lieu of ice, with walnuts, almonds, and pecans, with whey protein and milk. Maybe it would work with you, Ms. Scarlet. They deliver good energy and clear thinking all day. As I understand it aging in general and your treatments in particular interfere with absorption, and the solution is MORE! Yay excess!

-Gem Cutter
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on September 22, 2016, 10:06:59 AM
Well, tomorrow's the day of the big get-together of us first-years in the university, with costumes, games and lots of beer. I've been somewhat nervous about it due to my problems with spending much time in crowds, but overall I have been happy for this chance to at least TRY. To be in a major social situation again, and perhaps to do better this time. To maybe at least connect with a couple of people and lay the groundwork for friendships.
I've arranged a costume, and laid out a plan to avoid being too hung over the morning after.

And today, I woke up with a fever.

This tastes really. damn. bitter.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on September 22, 2016, 10:12:00 AM
Hope you feel better in time to join at least some of the festivities Eli
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 22, 2016, 10:24:56 AM
Eli, take lots of pain killers and wrap up warm (should I be saying this to an icelander, hehe?) - go at least for a bit!

I've arranged a costume
We *need* to see this ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on September 22, 2016, 10:44:55 AM
Eli, take lots of pain killers and wrap up warm (should I be saying this to an icelander, hehe?) - go at least for a bit!

Well, I woke up at five in the morning absolutely freezing, to the point that I dressed before crawling back under the duvet. Also, it's been raining a LOT lately and the air is damp as hell, and we've had the first snowfall in the mountains above town.

So... no. No need to tell me to wrap up.

Quote
We *need* to see this ;D

Eh, it's nothing special. The theme we ended up voting on was "military", so I just went to the Salvation Army and found myself a shirt and jeans in roughly the right shade of green, and I bought a camoflague cap. I also have some bandages with red food colouring in them from my Halloween costume last year.

Personally, I suggested we go as zombies. Since that would only require a bit of makeup. And we would be perfectly in character once drunk.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: SugoiMe on September 23, 2016, 05:36:10 AM
[...] That would just make me feel even worse and not solve anything at all, so for me it's not an option.

My parents keep sending me real postcards (some funny, some thoughtful), and today I got one that said "Living isn't waiting for the storm to go away, it's to learn to dance in the rain" :)


The image below, I think, expands the metaphor of the storm and explains our role - we're not posting - we're bailing!  That's what a crew does in rough weather. Well, some do. I drink brandy and tell stories. Yawrrr!


(https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y1Z3XR6eDFE/VtQgwf5GWGI/AAAAAAAAZ8o/zlcn3zj7HA8/s1600/inspirational-quotes-2.jpg)

Whenever I come here feeling down, I always find something that cheers me up. That picture is one.

Good news is I worked up the courage to tell my brother I can't do this property management thing anymore. I'll be resigning at the end of the month. Bad news is I still don't have a tenant lined up for the basement suite. I'm terrible at this. Why didn't I quit sooner?

Other good news is I've got 500 words down for the monthly writing competition. It's got a bit of a depressing streak to it, but that's because I've had an insane week.

Anyway, hope the you people who can't sleep get sleep and Eli, hope you can stay warm and are able to go to that first years shindig.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on September 23, 2016, 07:58:01 AM
Looking forward to reading it when you finish @SugoiMe (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40371) and I hope you have some peace and good outcomes in the near term.
-Gem Cutter
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on September 23, 2016, 08:44:38 AM
Well, on the subject of my health I DO feel a lot better today. The night wasn't pleasant, but it seems I did burn the fever out towards the end of it. The constant headache is gone, I'm not cold anymore and I  have my appetite back. So I think I'll go after all. At least for a while.

Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 23, 2016, 09:29:40 AM
*big hugs to @SugoiMe (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40371)*

(I don't seem to be able to say much today except spreading hugs hehe)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: xiagan on September 23, 2016, 10:10:23 AM
(I don't seem to be able to say much today except spreading hugs hehe)
And receiving hugs I hope! *hugs*
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: SugoiMe on September 23, 2016, 02:38:48 PM
*big hugs to @SugoiMe (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40371)*

(I don't seem to be able to say much today except spreading hugs hehe)

Sending hugs back your way, @SacrletBea!  :)

Looking forward to reading it when you finish @SugoiMe (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40371) and I hope you have some peace and good outcomes in the near term.
-Gem Cutter

Thanks, Gem Cutter. Haven't participated in the monthly for a long while. Been so focused on my WIP.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 24, 2016, 04:28:12 PM
Burger King whopper for lunch, friend's home cooking for dinner - today I'm spoiled ;D
(and everything is tasting better!!!)
(on the other hand, joint/hip/back pain ::))
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on September 24, 2016, 05:21:20 PM
Burger King whopper for lunch, friend's home cooking for dinner - today I'm spoiled ;D
(and everything is tasting better!!!)
(on the other hand, joint/hip/back pain ::))

i clicked *like* despite you saying "burger king whopper" and "everything is tasting better" in the same sentence.  heh.

yay, food!!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 24, 2016, 10:31:52 PM
i clicked *like* despite you saying "burger king whopper" and "everything is tasting better" in the same sentence.  heh.
Well, I like it :P and it was with a voucher, so much cheaper too, hehe. And I had a sundae too! 8)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 27, 2016, 06:09:10 PM
More news.
Here come the mouth ulcers ::) giant one on the side/top lip, and the bottom third of my tongue hurts all over. Argh, I want to eat properly >:(

Interesting info: (my) chemo affects mostly the fast-growing cells of your body. That is hair, inside of the stomach and inside of the mouth.

Sometimes I forget my hair's gone... I turn around, catch my reflection, and I'm surprised...
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on September 27, 2016, 06:34:49 PM
More news.
Here come the mouth ulcers ::) giant one on the side/top lip, and the bottom third of my tongue hurts all over. Argh, I want to eat properly >:(

Interesting info: (my) chemo affects mostly the fast-growing cells of your body. That is hair, inside of the stomach and inside of the mouth.

Sometimes I forget my hair's gone... I turn around, catch my reflection, and I'm surprised...

whoa.  that's crazy.  i did not know that.  see?  you're becoming an even greater font of knowledge!

but, yeah.  that makes sense to me, right?  because cancer is a fast-growing cell.  fascinating!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 27, 2016, 06:41:31 PM
Yes, the stuff I've learnt in the past few months is amazing.

Of course, chemo affects *all* the cells - it's like a little tsunami through your body, taking everything along, but the other cells take a little while longer to be affected, so there's more likelihood that they recover before anything bad really happens.
That's why there's the 3 week interval between cycles, and why I have to be on the look-out for all potential infection.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on September 27, 2016, 07:41:56 PM
Hang in there! This too shall pass.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on September 27, 2016, 08:35:00 PM
Boy does that not sound like fun.

Well, we're rooting for you Bea, as always.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on September 27, 2016, 08:42:02 PM
I am with my dad who is napping at the moment, should he wake we will sit and play scrabble. He was even briefly working on his books earlier.
His hair has gone and he has very low blood pressure,  ulcers and the sore throat but is in better shape than he has been over the last month despite being in a wheelchair or on a zimmer frame. Chemo is due next week and this will knock him back down and then hopefully the slow recovery for three weeks before the next dose. Rinse and repeat.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 27, 2016, 08:59:51 PM
*hugs to Rostum and dad*
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on September 27, 2016, 09:08:22 PM
@Rostum (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40251) I have experienced that particular marathon and I hope the best for his recovery and comfort, and your endurance. It's a helluva thing, and it takes a lot of everything you have. Hang in there!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on September 27, 2016, 09:50:50 PM
*hugs to Rostum and dad*

exactly this.  loving that you will get the time to play scrabble together.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on September 28, 2016, 11:30:08 AM
Just catching up on this thread.
Hus to Rostum.
Hugs to SugoiMe.
Hugs to ScarletBea.
Hugs to someone else on the Forum that I'm thinking of.

My brother-in-law brought my mother-in-law over last night, hoping she'd come in and have dinner here with us. She is permanently confused and often uncooperative, so refused to budge. Mrs. JMack sat in the car with her while Tony came in and scarfed down a bowl of chili.

My dad has a t-shirt he likes to wear (though it drives his wife crazy): "When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. But I never expected THIS shit!"
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on September 28, 2016, 11:38:32 AM
Thanks. It's just getting into the state of mind to make the use of the time available in productive ways as it may be this is as good as it gets.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eclipse on September 28, 2016, 11:46:16 AM
Sister baby due soon 2nd October
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 28, 2016, 11:50:36 AM
Sister baby due soon 2nd October
ooooooh all the best!!!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on September 28, 2016, 09:17:01 PM
Yay being an uncle is great






You can give them back when you are bored or they need cleaning
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 29, 2016, 08:14:29 PM
Today I had the "halfway point oncology clinic" - basically the head nurse said I was doing fine, from what she could see/I told her :D

Next week's treatment changes the drug: apparently is low/no nausea but higher joint pain. Oh well... fingers crossed for nothing more serious.

She also confirmed that it's normal that I get progressively more tired, a cummulative effect. And that I'll only get back to "pre-cancer energy levels" in several months, maybe up to a year! These are the things nobody ever mentions: people assume that "end of treatment" = immediate normality ::)
I'll need to explain this carefully at work :-\

Oh, everyone compliments me on my head scarves, the colours and the way I tie/use them ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on September 29, 2016, 09:14:32 PM
Now there's a helluva choice: nausea or joint pain?  "And would you like an elbow scrape with salt on it, a headache with a pulse, or a swift kick to the shins?"

Glad your scarves are a hit!  I assume Halloween is a thing in the UK, perhaps it's not, but if it is - the possibilities are ENDLESS!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on September 29, 2016, 09:49:04 PM
Nah You Americans invented All Hallows Eve we totally have you to thank for that one.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on September 30, 2016, 12:29:48 AM
SBea and others, speaking of All Hallows, you need to find Ray Bradbury's short YA novel: The Halloween Tree.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on September 30, 2016, 02:04:50 AM
Nah You Americans invented All Hallows Eve we totally have you to thank for that one.
Sarcasm? I can never tell with Europeans. Do you or do you not celebrate All Hallows Eve with costumes and sweets and all that?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eclipse on September 30, 2016, 06:16:13 AM
Halloween is not the same here its mostly just an excuse for some older teenage to intimidate the elderly by being thuggish.not a nice holiday at all.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on September 30, 2016, 08:37:01 AM
Well that sucks.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on September 30, 2016, 01:03:03 PM
Quote
Sarcasm? I can never tell with Europeans. Do you or do you not celebrate All Hallows Eve with costumes and sweets and all that?

The lowest form of wit, right? It wasn't really aimed at you more a knee jerk reaction. I used to have to deal with an American engineer of the worst religious kind who used to be frightened by Halloween. He would explain religious festivals to us (or his take on them) but couldn't comprehend that Christianity was a Middle Eastern religion that swept through Europe and was exported to the Americas.
 
Samhain, all hallows eve and Halloween all the same.

You totally turned it into a candy festival trick or treat in uniquely American and was introduced to the UK in the 70's and you are not yet forgiven. I think there was a Germanic tradition of leaving sweet stuff out to pacify malignant spirits but whether it grew out of that or not I don't know.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on September 30, 2016, 04:38:51 PM
Quote
Sarcasm? I can never tell with Europeans. Do you or do you not celebrate All Hallows Eve with costumes and sweets and all that?

The lowest form of wit, right?
(https://i.imgflip.com/1bjiat.jpg) (https://imgflip.com/i/1bjiat)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on September 30, 2016, 05:08:53 PM
I forgot to comment on this:

Now there's a helluva choice: nausea or joint pain?  "And would you like an elbow scrape with salt on it, a headache with a pulse, or a swift kick to the shins?"

It's so funny, because the information they give me about the drugs does read like a long menu ;D

- Ok, so I'll have the sore mouth if you keep the headaches.
- Oh, to have the sore mouth you need to get the nausea too.
- Oh drats.
- Then, again, your nails will be fine.
 8)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 01, 2016, 06:30:44 PM
In a bit of personal news, I did attend the university costume thing last week, though I went home early due to the sickness. I was able to squeeze out some fun, but couldn't participate as much as I would have like.

HOWEVER, less than an hour from now, one of the student clubs at my university has invited the one I belong to to a "scientific expedition"... to one of the local pubs. I'm going to attend. Given my problems I don't expect to stay more than a couple of hours, but that IS a couple of hours of social contact more than I usually get, so I'm looking forward to it.

Also, I just got back from this big, annual food festival that is held at a nearby sports stadium every year. I'm not great at paying attention to current events, so I only realised it was being held again due to overhearing a conversation in the hot tub this morning. Anyway, it's fun to go between booths dedicated to different foods and restaurants of northern Iceland, and the beer corner certainly doesn't hurt. See, for a mere 500 ISK you get four tokens, each one of which gets you a fairly large sample of Icelandic beer. I guess a very silly person would have gone for a double dose, adding up to nine beers. Nine, because of one particularly generous server. Purely hypothetically, of course, because who would have nine small beers before a social get-together downtown?

Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 01, 2016, 06:39:04 PM
I like that you're getting all this social interaction :D
And not to sound preachy, but be careful with all those beers...
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 01, 2016, 06:56:22 PM
And not to sound preachy, but be careful with all those beers...

Hey, that was purely hypothetical...
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 02, 2016, 03:08:14 PM
I'm so sick and tired of all this..
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 02, 2016, 03:40:39 PM
I bet you are, Ms. Scarlet. It's a lot to go through. /respect
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on October 02, 2016, 04:07:26 PM
on the bright-side (because there's ALWAYS a bright-side) you're over halfway now!  you've proved you can take the worst it can hurl, and you're putting distance between you and all the unknowns behind you.  #winning

xoxo!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 02, 2016, 05:03:23 PM
I'm so sick and tired of all this..

And you have every right to be. But we're here for you.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 02, 2016, 06:16:07 PM
Thanks all.
I was just on skype with my parents, and having to smile for them actually cheered me up a bit too :)

And m3m, halfway through chemo, but that's not the end: last week I learnt that the tablets that I'll then start taking in January, for 5 years (they're giving me December off any treatment hehe) will have their own set of side effects, that my body will eventually get used to, but it will still take a couple of months.
And that I'll just get progressively more tired from now on, and will only get back my pre-cancer energy in at least 6 months after...
It was a bit discouraging :-\
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on October 02, 2016, 06:19:07 PM
Hugs.
(http://www.losteye.com/message_forum1/images/smilies/icon_hug.gif)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 02, 2016, 08:00:16 PM
When I was in my most scary, uncomfortable point overseas, I adopted my "Two Day Philosophy" to help encourage my guys, or perhaps I should say, to help prepare them for the kinds of bad news that are common: departure delays, extensions of tours, etc., etc.

"There are two kinds of days: Type 1 days and Type 2 days. A Type 1 Day is a day when we get on an aircraft and leave this shithole. A Type 2 Day is a when we do not. Today is a Type 2 day - hence the stench of this place.  Now, whether I have three more Type 2 days. or three hundred, or three thousand - my Type 1 Day is coming.  Pointing out to me that today is a Type 2 day is not necessary - I KNOW. Believe me.

And when someone tells me tomorrow is a Type 1 Day, I will not believe them - because Type 2 days sometimes dress up as Type 1 days. Type 1 days depend on weather and warfare and a thousand things I can't see, so predicting one isn't easy. But that's okay - my Type 1 Day is coming. And I need to let it take its time, focus on my Type 2 days.

Point is, not everyone gets a Type 1 Day. Sometimes, a person runs out of Type 2 days. So be thankful for your Type 2 days, because one of them is going to be followed by a Type 1 day, and be your last day of discomfort and unpleasantness. And won't that be a helluva thing.

So have a good day - whether its Type 1 or Type 2."
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 02, 2016, 11:56:13 PM
And m3m, halfway through chemo, but that's not the end: last week I learnt that the tablets that I'll then start taking in January, for 5 years

Five years?? Do they do that to be totally, absolutely sure, or does it really take that long to take out lingering cancer cells?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 03, 2016, 08:13:29 AM
And m3m, halfway through chemo, but that's not the end: last week I learnt that the tablets that I'll then start taking in January, for 5 years

Five years?? Do they do that to be totally, absolutely sure, or does it really take that long to take out lingering cancer cells?
It's more to bring the chance of it recurring down to almost nothing.
My cancer is "oestrogen positive", meaning it grows in the presence of that hormone: the tablet will basically kill the hormone in my body, so the cells don't have anything to hold on to.

Funnily (ironically!) enough, this only works for breast cancer. I can still get others ::)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Hedin on October 03, 2016, 01:27:23 PM
And m3m, halfway through chemo, but that's not the end: last week I learnt that the tablets that I'll then start taking in January, for 5 years

Five years?? Do they do that to be totally, absolutely sure, or does it really take that long to take out lingering cancer cells?
It's more to bring the chance of it recurring down to almost nothing.
My cancer is "oestrogen positive", meaning it grows in the presence of that hormone: the tablet will basically kill the hormone in my body, so the cells don't have anything to hold on to.

Funnily (ironically!) enough, this only works for breast cancer. I can still get others ::)

Going on a tangent here but my new job is working on oncology clinical trials for developing new drugs and new treatments.  One of the studies I have is for breast cancer and they're looking at women with advanced forms who have low survivability so it's a good time to try something to see if it works.  What they do is that when the woman goes on treatment they take a biopsy and have that DNA of that tumor sequenced.  Based on the genomic sequence of the tumor they then look at drugs for other cancers that haven't been approved for breast (and this is where the tangent comes in) and use the one that matches up best to the genetic profile of that tumor.  For example, one recent one I know of the tumor had markers that were similar to to liver cancer and so they're trying a liver cancer drug with her.  It's still fairly early in the study but from what they've seen so far that this approach has really had a positive affect on a lot of the patients and that if the results hold up they may be able to get some of the other drugs approved for breast as they seem to be working well.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 03, 2016, 02:14:49 PM
That sounds really good, Hedin!
Before starting chemo I asked if there were any trials I could participate in (more for helping others than myself, as I knew mine was a 'normal' one), but there wasn't anything for my type in the area.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 06, 2016, 12:52:48 PM
In hospital, having treatment 4. It's usually during one hour, but because this is the first time with the new drug and there's risk of allergic reaction, they spread it through 4 hours! I hope that after a while I'll be ok and that's reduced.

Anyway I've got books, sudoku, diary and this tablet, although it keeps freezing argh
All good :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on October 06, 2016, 03:10:17 PM
good luck with the treatment!  sounds like you're loaded up to stave off the boredom.

a diary seems neat.  i've always wished i kept one.  what kind of things does one write in there?  i suppose if i think about it, i could just bullet-point stand-out events from the day.

hrm.

i may have to give that a whirl.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 06, 2016, 03:19:29 PM
good luck with the treatment!  sounds like you're loaded up to stave off the boredom.

a diary seems neat.  i've always wished i kept one.  what kind of things does one write in there?  i suppose if i think about it, i could just bullet-point stand-out events from the day.

I've been keeping a diary for the last two years, and the small space set up for each day makes things simple. I just write down the basics and events of each day. It's not a fascinating read when I look back, but it's still interesting to have my memory jogged like that. "Oh yeah, that's what I was up to last summer."
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 06, 2016, 04:35:43 PM
Home!
After half an hour of asking me if I was still ok they changed it to the normal drop rate, so it was quick in the end (similar to the previous ones).
And feeling ok :)

a diary seems neat.  i've always wished i kept one.  what kind of things does one write in there?  i suppose if i think about it, i could just bullet-point stand-out events from the day.

hrm.

i may have to give that a whirl.
It's more a "notebook for thoughts" rather than a proper diary. I don't write in it every day, and I only write what I did in combination with feelings and similar stuff. It's more to 'download' my thoughts when they get too much, and especially a way to enhance my memory.
For example, about past holidays, I tend to remember and see images more from my words and what I wrote there, than from the photos I took. I sometimes even remember where I was sitting when I wrote 'that', and the whole scenario just jumps into my brain.

It helps see me progress (and also fall, via little hints that I didn't notice at the time).
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 06, 2016, 08:44:29 PM
Beyond its use as a record and reference, many find their journals useful to crystallize and analyze their own thoughts. Not everything we think is sound or just, and seeing the words on paper can help see where we've been mistaken.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 08, 2016, 01:13:21 PM
Well, I just took a hit, and I admit I'm reeling.

It's a family issue, one that I'm not going to broadcast over the internet. No-one is dying, but this is yet another unfortunate development in a long, long string of those, which have bothered me for many years, out of pity for those involved. AND this is coming a week after things really, finally seemed to be looking up, so I really wasn't braced for this.

I know this is frustratingly vague, on a level with a fantasy oracle, but this is all I can in good conscience share. Suffice it to say, I'm not doing great.

The worst things in life are the ones that happen to other people.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 08, 2016, 01:45:25 PM
Hang in there, Eli - this too shall pass
*hugs*
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on October 08, 2016, 03:16:19 PM
Hope all resolves itself as best it can Eli.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on October 08, 2016, 03:19:12 PM
good wishes and karma your way, eli!

let us know if you need anything!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on October 08, 2016, 10:48:44 PM
Thinking of you, Eli, and wishing the people you love all the best.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 09, 2016, 12:12:52 AM
I'll be blunt: I hit a real, nasty downswing in the later part of the day. This whole family mess, which even in a best case scenario will leave ugly wounds, served as a starting rock in a landslide of negativity and my other general issues.

My usual social contacts are drying up as people are moving away, and somehow I've been getting really intensely lonely in the evenings lately. I still get hit with that envy I mentioned a good while back, whenever I see groups of people socialising, hanging out, laughing together, hugging, just generally seeming to be having a better time in life than me.
People need each other. I've come to that iron-clad conclusion. We are designed by evolution to function as a part of a group, and to get our validation and self-esteem from others.

I'm severely lacking in that regard, and I've been feeling it more than usual in recent days.

Anyway, I broke from my habit and actually went downtown, because I felt even failure would feel better than how I was doing. I chose a bar/diner primarily for backpackers, and as I was finishing my first beer a couple of German guys and a Dutch lady invited me to join them for a card game. I did, and we all had a good time together. We chatted about our respective countries, and I gave them advice on Icelandic locations and candy to try, as well as shocking them with stories of December snow storms. (I have frostbite marks in my face)

Anyway, the whole lucky experience really lifted my spirits. The situation that sent me into this spiral hasn't improved one iota, but it is entirely out of my hands, and worrying about it will get me nowhere.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on October 09, 2016, 12:55:58 AM
Anyway, the whole lucky experience really lifted my spirits. The situation that sent me into this spiral hasn't improved one iota, but it is entirely out of my hands, and worrying about it will get me nowhere.

mad props for you choosing to increase your luck surface and finding some!

/highfive
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on October 09, 2016, 01:01:38 AM
Sorry you had a bad setback, Eli, and difficult situation to deal with. But very glad you decided to seek company and found some good people to talk and interact with. Hope it will get easier to find new friends at university the more times you go to an event or even maybe join a club.  Bet you could find some Fantasy fans somewhere there given time.  ;D  My thoughts and good wishes with you.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 09, 2016, 02:11:00 AM
I'll be blunt: I hit a real, nasty downswing in the later part of the day.
I literally feel your pain, and admire your strength to both share it and to go out and seek contact. I've posted on this sort of thing before, not sure if it was here, so forgive me if I repeat myself, but isolation and loneliness powerfully magnify negative emotions.

Hope is often a lie - but of all the lies that I have heard or told myself, it is the only one whose deceit is outweighed by its potential to become true. Of all lies, it is the only one that does no harm and opens the door so that things can get better. And they always do.

I share this so you know you that are not alone in suffering from family nonsense or despair. Three times this year I have approached dangerous levels of despair that I found almost unbearable. And three times I have told myself that despite a lack of evidence, things would improve. They have. I wish things would stay improved, but perhaps that is foolish? I don't know.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lanko on October 09, 2016, 02:12:09 AM

Hope is often a lie - but of all the lies that I have heard or told myself, it is the only one whose deceit is outweighed by its potential to become true.

I'm totally using that  :P
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 09, 2016, 02:13:44 AM
Figures you'd take the one useful bit of wisdom I possess and steal it before I even get it published @Lanko (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40739)

THIS is why we can't have nice things.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lanko on October 09, 2016, 02:17:55 AM
Figures you'd take the one useful bit of wisdom I possess and steal it before I even get it published @Lanko (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40739)

THIS is why we can't have nice things.

Don't worry, I will just make a jewelcrafter tell this to one of the protagonists while cutting him a magical gem  ::)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ultamentkiller on October 09, 2016, 05:24:00 AM
Hope is often a lie - but of all the lies that I have heard or told myself, it is the only one whose deceit is outweighed by its potential to become true. Of all lies, it is the only one that does no harm and opens the door so that things can get better. And they always do.
I hate to be the darkness in the tunnel, but hope can bring, and has brought, a lot of harm to my life. The shattering of my hopes has sent me into a couple mental breakdowns, one of which happened at a convention in Orlando. I had so much hope that I could change something, that I could make a difference in this particular situation, and it was smashed brutally against my soul. At least that's what it felt like. Granted, hope is the force that also drives us onward, but when it fails... Hope is very similar to love in that regard. It hurts to live with it, but it hurts even more to live without it. But either way it hurts.

I think my problem is the struggle to recognize irrational hope and rational hope. I have this idea in my head. If I pour enough will into something, I will accomplish whatever I want. And hope drives that on, even if it doesn't make any sense. So when my will slams into a brick wall that I can't tear down, and my hopes fall to the ground, I get crushed by the weight of my own emotions. So then I enter this phase of denying all hope, and only going through life on logic. Until I need fuel to accomplish something else, and hope shows up again. And then the cycle repeats. The problem is, the things I most desire are usually the most unlikely to happen. So my hope builds, my will builds, everything builds. I get more and more hopeful the longer I fight, until I can't fight anymore. And that's when I break. The longer it resists, the more hopeful I become. That doesn't make any sense.

I'm sorry for this message and probably complex explanation, but I can't think of another way to convey my feelings about it.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 09, 2016, 08:58:16 AM
I think my problem is the struggle to recognize irrational hope and rational hope. I have this idea in my head. If I pour enough will into something, I will accomplish whatever I want. And hope drives that on, even if it doesn't make any sense. So when my will slams into a brick wall that I can't tear down, and my hopes fall to the ground, I get crushed by the weight of my own emotions. So then I enter this phase of denying all hope, and only going through life on logic. Until I need fuel to accomplish something else, and hope shows up again. And then the cycle repeats. The problem is, the things I most desire are usually the most unlikely to happen. So my hope builds, my will builds, everything builds. I get more and more hopeful the longer I fight, until I can't fight anymore. And that's when I break. The longer it resists, the more hopeful I become. That doesn't make any sense.
I don't know about anyone else, but I've had hopes that I dared to make goals and seen them dashed to pieces. The scene I wrote with my character getting drowned - I did that three times trying to be what only 25% of green berets are tough enough to be - a combat diver. And to quote Bones McCoy "Nobody goes back for seconds, let alone thirds." But I did. Gave myself a heart murmur trying. I think that's a pretty hefty commitment, even though I failed every time.  Maybe that's a bad thing - maybe it is proof, as you suggest, of poor decision making (rational vs. irrational hope). But allow me to wax prideful, conceited even, on the merit of my failures - my failed hopes.

It made me mentally stronger. It proved to me that I am tougher than many of the green berets who didn't last a long as I did. I would later learn that almost drowning after falling through ice in deep water had made me psychologically INCAPABLE of doing what I had tried to do - but I almost did it anyway. Years later, it saved my life.

I don't know what your life has taught you - so if my points are poorly aligned to yours, I apologize. I am not making light of your pain. I wouldn't do that to anyone. But I have learned that my failures are my own, and they prove my character and merit far better than my successes. Successes must be shared. Dashed hopes - we all own our own.

We at least had the courage to follow our hopes ALL THE WAY DOWN. Outcomes are irrelevant. We cannot control them. The world is fickle and random. We can only control ourselves. You had the courage, the audacious optimism to try, and try again, and again. You mention the word "will" as if everyone has it - they don't. You know what it means - not everyone really does. Many people know about "will" the way I know about childbirth - been in the room. These are valuable things - why else would we be here if not to learn and acquire them.

Hope is just a form of courage - another trait that is judged unfairly in hindsight sometimes. Hope can be comforting, but it is hard. Hope hurts and keeps the hurt coming. Surrendering to despair takes less effort. Giving up - knowing when to quit - that can be learned easily. Too easily. Knowing when NOT to quit can only be learned by living as you have lived.

Climbing down off my soapbox before I hurt myself.  At the very least, you've earned the respect of those who know they'd never have remained committed and dared to be so hopeful. You certainly have mine. At some point, I'll come up to Atlanta? That's where you're at right? And I'll buy you a beer and we can commiserate.
- Gem Cutter
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 09, 2016, 09:44:08 AM
Some years ago I read an unremarkable story, that nevertheless had a line that has stuck with me ever since.

"If we do not follow our passions, we die slowly."

It has often given me strength to continue writing, in spite of repeated bitter disappointments, and to feel better about having stuck to this course in life, as opposed to something more conventional and lucrative. And it spares me from spending my life going "What if?"
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ultamentkiller on October 09, 2016, 03:23:29 PM

Hope is just a form of courage - another trait that is judged unfairly in hindsight sometimes. Hope can be comforting, but it is hard. Hope hurts and keeps the hurt coming. Surrendering to despair takes less effort. Giving up - knowing when to quit - that can be learned easily. Too easily. Knowing when NOT to quit can only be learned by living as you have lived.

Climbing down off my soapbox before I hurt myself.  At the very least, you've earned the respect of those who know they'd never have remained committed and dared to be so hopeful. You certainly have mine. At some point, I'll come up to Atlanta? That's where you're at right? And I'll buy you a beer and we can commiserate.
- Gem Cutter
That really hit me actually. I'll have to keep that in mind. Say one thing about Gem Cutter, say he is a writer. That quote is like the explained version of "Dying is easy son. Living is harder." Thank you.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 09, 2016, 06:42:29 PM
This afternoon I just feel as if I've taken a thorough beating in my entire body ::)
everything hurts: my legs, my back, my shoulders, my neck

*takes another paracetamol*

On a positive note, food's been ok (drink, not so much)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 09, 2016, 06:45:45 PM
Hang in there Miss Scarlet
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 09, 2016, 06:55:47 PM
Thanks!
It's just... tiring *sigh* (and here I mean mentally) - I so appreciate everyone's "good thoughts my way"

Going to have some pasta and salmon now, strength food hehe - hope it helps!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on October 09, 2016, 07:14:29 PM
Food is not overrated, SB. Glad that part of things is ok for now. Keeping the other stuff in my thoughts.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eclipse on October 09, 2016, 07:15:06 PM
What you need is a flagon of mead and a bard singing bawdy songs about wenches.


Jmack a singer, now gem cutter can play the flute and I can play the harp

M3m can be the uncouth barbarian  dribbling the beer into his beard

Raptori can be the dwarven tavern owner muttering about humans under his breath
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 09, 2016, 08:32:09 PM
What you need is a flagon of mead and a bard singing bawdy songs about wenches.

Jmack a singer, now gem cutter can play the flute and I can play the harp

M3m can be the uncouth barbarian  dribbling the beer into his beard

Raptori can be the dwarven tavern owner muttering about humans under his breath
LOVE this ;D ;D

And food was yummy: I mixed a tin of wild salmon with sweetcorn, steamed kale* and mayo, and then had it with pasta. Very quick!

(* I thought this was a fad, but the nutricionist at the BC charity said it's great for energy - and it's actually not so bad. I just don't get people who drink it *blegh*)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 09, 2016, 09:41:32 PM
There is nothing like a good meal for lifting one's spirit.

Well... aside from spirits, maybe.  ::)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on October 09, 2016, 10:32:21 PM
There is nothing like a good meal for lifting one's spirit.

Well... aside from spirits, maybe.  ::)

Which reminds me of an amusing anecdote:

My mom's wife Eva is a pastor, and for many years was part of the Metropolitan Community Church, which is a Christian denomination focused on the disenfranchised - mainly the LGTBQI community, but also the poor, ill, and otherwise cast off. She was hired by the MCC in Harrisburg, PA - which is called "MCC of the Spirit", and she led the effort to obtain their own church building instead of renting space. They found a building that had been the offices of the Harrisburg Liquoe License Board and refurbished as a church.

So of course they had to call themselves "MCC of the Spirits" whenever they needed a chuckle.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 09, 2016, 11:26:04 PM

Which reminds me of an amusing anecdote:

. . .

So of course they had to call themselves "MCC of the Spirits" whenever they needed a chuckle.

Well, that in turn reminds of another anecdote: Apparently there's this historic church in Brixton, but due to plunging attendance (what with this being the modern age), they've had to rent the building... to a fetish club named Torture Garden.

By God, that gave me a good laugh when I found out about it.  ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on October 10, 2016, 07:38:01 AM
I think St Matts was sold off but yes you are right Torture Garden has run for 25+ years. Despite various political rows and police interference the affluent of London have been able to get their kink on en masse.

What is possibly of more interest is the Sunday Assemblies where atheist and secular services are held in  decommissioned  churches and draw large congregations. This started in London and has spread to a number of venues country wide.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 10, 2016, 09:50:43 AM
I think St Matts was sold off but yes you are right Torture Garden has run for 25+ years. Despite various political rows and police interference ...

Was the police interfering for any actual reason, or was it just "Harumph, this thing you're doing behind closed doors is unseemly!"
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eclipse on October 10, 2016, 03:42:26 PM
Niece was due on the 2 Oct born today this morning a healthy 8 pounds 11, it would have been my dad's birthday too.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 10, 2016, 04:23:04 PM
Niece was due on the 2 Oct born today this morning a healthy 8 pounds 11, it would have been my dad's birthday too.
Congratulations, uncle Eclipse :D
And such a nice date, right?

(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_h-95dTndVtY/TL-0AVv4g4I/AAAAAAAAAGc/NwKfdutsfew/s1600/P1030479.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eclipse on October 10, 2016, 05:16:15 PM
Lovely date just like it was Fate
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 10, 2016, 08:19:05 PM
Sorry guys, you know I don't like to moan much, but today I need to :(

Everything hurts (as described yesterday). I woke up still feeling quite battered, and despite the paracetamol, it hasn't improved (it comes and goes). Even the inside of my ears hurt, and around my eyes, and my head/forehead.
My stomach has worsened too, and despite eating some food (the leftovers from yesterday), I feel quite queasy (I took tablets, not yet working). Anything liquid tastes awful, even though I know it's needed and I had multiple attempts (water, tea, lemon squash).
Now I'm actually not sure if I should just hold on and wait for tomorrow, or try some plain ice cream (somehow I feel that cold stuff will help, but I'm not sure). I ran out of ice lollies at home, drats

I was shivering earlier, but I don't have a fever - so I wrapped up warm (must be just muscle reaction) and put on a turban-type thingy, even though I wasn't quite happy about wearing head-covers indoors. I guess from now on, I'll have to, as it's getting chillier (I refuse to turn on the heating yet, it's 19 C indoors!).

I just have to hope that all this will disappear/improve in a few days, and it won't be a constant until the end now :-\

On a positive note, I'd booked previously a Pilates class on Wednesday and an aromatherapy massage on Thursday, so hopefully all that will help!

(thanks for listening)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: tebakutis on October 10, 2016, 08:32:25 PM
I just have to hope that all this will disappear/improve in a few days, and it won't be a constant until the end now :-\

So sorry to hear that, Bea. Just wanted to offer *hugs*.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on October 10, 2016, 08:33:45 PM
Quote
Was the police interfering for any actual reason, or was it just "Harumph, this thing you're doing behind closed doors is unseemly!"

Police wanted the club to have membership as part of the licensing requirement and they wanted access to the membership lists. They were harassing customers trying to enter and implying that any local crime was a result of the club being there. Long calmed down and most of the clubbers there are 'tourists' as opposed to peeps really into the scene.

There are actually laws in the UK brought in that make certain consensual acts in private between adults illegal.
This had particular impact on the BDSM and gay scene and has led to prosecutions.

Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 10, 2016, 08:43:55 PM
Ms. Scarlet I am so sorry you're having a rough time of it! Sending thoughts of comfort.

Your instincts of cold foods/drinks is sound - heat opens channels in the tongue that enhance flavor, and if your tongue is irritated and angry, that's likely to be a bad thing. Smell is the majority of taste, so seek non-aromatic things?

I drink protein supplement shakes that are small but concentrated. I can drain one in three or four gulps, and it's the equivalent of a light meal. I know a lot of people undergoing treatments like yours or with other health issues use them - it's an efficient way to get nutrition when normal eating is inconvenient (my issue) or unpleasant.

Pardon my instincts to try and devise work-arounds for things that may just have to be endured.

If you meditate, that may help. If you don't, exploring ways to achieve inner peace and calm might be worthwhile, whether through music, scents, etc. Perhaps posting here is yours. Finding a happy place and staying there is one of the potential super-powers you can acquire in this otherwise rotten experience.

I wish it were possible to share such unpleasantness. "Sure, I'll take that nausea off your shoulders while you take a bath!"- we'd all soon know who our real friends were. I'd take some of your physical discomfort - but not the hair loss. Gotta have limits, besides, I spent most of my life with next-to-no hair and this is my time!

-Gem Cutter
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on October 10, 2016, 08:56:53 PM
Quote
drink protein supplement shakes that are small but concentrated. I can drain one in three or four gulps, and it's the equivalent of a light meal. I know a lot of people undergoing treatments like yours or with other health issues use them - it's an efficient way to get nutrition when normal eating is inconvenient (my issue) or unpleasant.

My dad actually gets these on prescription at the moment as he cant physically eat as much as he needs at the moment. He has radio burns on his oesophagus and chemo mouth at the moment so eating is hard work.
These could be worth a try at least you wont waste away while feeling nauseous.
 
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on October 10, 2016, 09:11:05 PM
On a positive note, I'd booked previously a Pilates class on Wednesday and an aromatherapy massage on Thursday, so hopefully all that will help!

aromatherapy sounds like it's a fantastic idea!  good call!


Quote
drink protein supplement shakes that are small but concentrated. I can drain one in three or four gulps, and it's the equivalent of a light meal. I know a lot of people undergoing treatments like yours or with other health issues use them - it's an efficient way to get nutrition when normal eating is inconvenient (my issue) or unpleasant.

My dad actually gets these on prescription at the moment as he cant physically eat as much as he needs at the moment. He has radio burns on his oesophagus and chemo mouth at the moment so eating is hard work.
These could be worth a try at least you wont waste away while feeling nauseous.
 

one of my art professors in college (university for you brits) used to sip on ensure (https://ensure.com/) all day long.  she was a tiny woman and looked like she weighed about 65 pounds soaking wet, i always assumed there was a medical reason behind it.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 10, 2016, 10:52:14 PM
Sorry to hear you're having a rough time Bea. As before, your problems put mine in perspective.

There are actually laws in the UK brought in that make certain consensual acts in private between adults illegal.
This had particular impact on the BDSM and gay scene and has led to prosecutions.

The level of busybody bullshit people are capable of will never stop taking something out of me when I'm reminded of it.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ArcaneArtsVelho on October 11, 2016, 11:55:33 AM
Hope you are feeling better today, Bea. Get well soon.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 11, 2016, 12:08:24 PM
Thanks AAV - a bit better, yes, but still not "ok" - I'd describe it as "blegh" ;D (still can smile about it)

I've actually embraced the cold weather and I'm all wrapped up and ignoring the rain and damp and greyness outside - not going out today.
Not so good is a certain lack of concentration for reading >:(

And Eli, please, don't say that my stuff puts yours in perspective, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm fully of the belief that each person's problems are important and valid and serious, regardless of grade. Once we start on a scale, where do we end? I shouldn't complain because Rostum's dad is so much worse than me? :-\

*wishes of improvement on everyone's issues*
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 11, 2016, 01:43:43 PM
I don't know if all writers/hardcore readers work this way, but my head is a daily jumble of memory, random, deep thought, and a random problem-solving verb (deduction, reduction, induction, etc.). I'm sure in 20 years it'll be understood as a particular form of insanity caused by exposure to airplane fuel and explosives.

I'm fully of the belief that each person's problems are important and valid and serious, regardless of grade. Once we start on a scale, where do we end?

This statement reminded me of a mentoring moment I had with a young person overseas in absolutely miserable conditions. The youngest of us was struggling, and everyone else was angry. But I pointed out that although we older folks had seen much more "suck", this was literally the worst point in this young person's life, and acknowledging that was important. I was 37, and had spent 16 years studying war and visiting rough places. The kid was only 24, and had never been outside the US, never carried a weapon in a dangerous world full of innocents, or experienced the hateful sun of the Middle East. We were all scared, and learning to deal with that fear, and with each other. The kid figured out that the suck was hard on us all, and perhaps most importantly, that sharing the suck was what held us together, we handful of noble fools with no adult supervision.

So my answer - or rather my non-answer - to the question of "where do we end?" is: together. Not always in the same room or even the same continent, but for those who share the suck, distance is no matter.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 11, 2016, 04:47:20 PM
So my answer - or rather my non-answer - to the question of "where do we end?" is: together. Not always in the same room or even the same continent, but for those who share the suck, distance is no matter.
I love this, and it's totally an answer. Thanks :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 12, 2016, 02:27:14 PM
Info:
I was *this* close to call the helpline yesterday, as I was shivering non-stop and had a temperature of just under 38 C (which is the limit...). But it was late, and I didn't want to go to hospital, so I just took 2 paracetamol, pilled up the blankets and just went to bed.
I ended up sleeping 10 hours straight and woke up temperature-free :D
So no hospital!
(I have to go tomorrow anyway)

I did go to Pilates but almost gave up in the first 5 minutes, since I couldn't stand up straight, I was feeling so dizzy... A lady told me to wait for the floor exercises, so I did that and it was still worth going after all :)
Then I went to have lunch with a friend - and lasagne and 7up tasted good! HURRAH! ;D

*very tired but happy Bea now*
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on October 12, 2016, 03:06:33 PM
Lots of thoughts projected your way from over the sea, Bea.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on October 12, 2016, 03:44:35 PM
yay!  it makes me so happy when you have good days, bea!!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 12, 2016, 06:00:45 PM
Ta!
Actually... erm... :-[
I'm in hospital now.

Temperature started going up again and I thought better safe than sorry. I got told off for not coming yesterday hehe ;D
I'm waiting for blood results, but after waiting for a doctor to come (it's already 'after hours'), he thinks I'll be fine just with paracetamol.

Also this forced resting has felt good, hehe

Oh, a funny thing; he checked my throat using the torch from his mobile! And he noticed my Garmin watch and we talked running :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 12, 2016, 09:24:50 PM
4 hours and 10 minutes there... 90% of the time waiting, I feel ::)

Anyway, blood tests all ok, I don't have an infection, I don't need antibiotics, just rest and monitoring :)

Thanks to m3m who kept me entertained for a bit on skype - then they brought an old man (79) to the room where I was, who was also having chemo side effects, so we had a good chat, and random rest.
I'm just soooo tired now... soon to go to bed with a light book or magazine.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on October 12, 2016, 10:01:11 PM
i'm happy to entertain you anytime!  just holler!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Justan Henner on October 13, 2016, 02:40:01 PM
Was this the sort of entertainment he wears his special apron for?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: xiagan on October 13, 2016, 03:21:40 PM
Was this the sort of entertainment he wears his special apron for?
No way denying it now, Chris! ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on October 13, 2016, 04:27:28 PM
Was this the sort of entertainment he wears his special apron for?
No way denying it now, Chris! ;D ;D ;D

/facepalm
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 13, 2016, 06:38:32 PM
Was this the sort of entertainment he wears his special apron for?
:o
JUSTAN!!!! >:(
You bad BAD boy!

Please note (and *you* know) that I've got a few F-F people as contacts on skype but I have never done video chat with them - always just instant messaging, hehe
I think I've only done video with my sister and my parents...

Anyway.
I'm definitely not interested in what m3m's got in his apron. Or behind it. At all :P
(now his red-headed wife......)
 ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on October 13, 2016, 06:58:28 PM
hahhahahahahahh!!

i love you guys.  srsly.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Peat on October 13, 2016, 07:08:51 PM
Was this the sort of entertainment he wears his special apron for?
:o
JUSTAN!!!! >:(
You bad BAD boy!

Please note (and *you* know) that I've got a few F-F people as contacts on skype but I have never done video chat with them - always just instant messaging, hehe
I think I've only done video with my sister and my parents...

Anyway.
I'm definitely not interested in what m3m's got in his apron. Or behind it. At all :P
(now his red-headed wife......)
 ;D

Have you ever ever ever in your long legged life
Seen an apron clad techie with a red headed wife?
No I've never ever ever in my long legged life
Seen an apron clad techie with a red headed wife...

cos Bea stole her.

 ;) ;D :-X

Well I found it funny :P
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: NightWrite on October 13, 2016, 07:57:37 PM
Came to ask for advice, but now I can't get the image of m3m in an apron to go away....

Anyway, near the end of last month I learned I have Lynch Syndrome, a genetic mutation which raises the risk of certain cancers like colon, skin, and prostate by about 5-15%; there are worse forms of the mutation so I'm lucky in that regard. Now I have to get tested for these cancers earlier in life and more often. Which includes a colonoscopy once a year for the next few years for colon cancer and I'm afraid of the anesthesia. I don't like control of my body being taken from me and I'm afraid something will happen, that I won't wake up.

The problem is I'm not sure how to bring up my fears with my family. I've tried a few times, but chickened out each time. I thought maybe someone here could give me some advice.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Hedin on October 13, 2016, 08:51:23 PM
Have you discussed the health part with them at all?  I'm not familiar with Lynch Syndrome but a lot of things like this tend to be genetic and so your family may want to get tested as well (if they haven't been already).  If it was me I would then use the opening about the testing to discuss your fears of it.  Also, if you know anyone who has gone under in your family you could talk to them about what it was like just to have a better idea of the whole procedure.

I've only been under anesthesia once and that was when I was 9 or 10 and had my tonsils taken out (I may have told this story before).  I remember as they were putting the mask on me they told me to hold my breath.  I held my breath until I couldn't hold it anymore, took off the mask, and asked them if I could breathe yet.  I remember everyone in the room laughing, telling me that I could, and then next thing I know I was waking up and miming to the nurse that I wanted something to drink because I didn't know if I would be able to talk.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 13, 2016, 10:11:44 PM
I don't like control of my body being taken from me and I'm afraid something will happen, that I won't wake up.

The problem is I'm not sure how to bring up my fears with my family. I've tried a few times, but chickened out each time. I thought maybe someone here could give me some advice.

I offer you my advice, with the caveat that I have the cheek to present advice on courage not because I imagine myself courageous, but because I am beset on all sides by fear, and I have been all my life.

Even among my close friends, not many know that I didn't really join the military for adventure; that's just what I tell people. The real reason I joined the military because at 5 I had courage and saved someone; at 16 I encountered a scary situation where someone needed my help, but I was paralyzed with fear. I did not run, but I didn't know what to do and I didn't do enough. I had had courage, lost it, and I wanted it back. So I joined the military because I never again wanted to be beaten by fear.

Sadly, the military doesn't teach courage, they just expect it. They put you in situations where you'll need it, where it will be apparent if you don't have it. And where you might learn from the examples of others. And there's some truth in that lack of an approach - which is the core of the advice I offer - you will just have to dig down deep and summon some courage.

It is perfectly OK to be afraid. What we fear and why is always different, but always the same. Talking with your family and being honest takes the exact same courage as anything else. Here's some techniques and observations:
1. Use fear to fight fear. The fear of NOT talking with your family exists. Find it, compare the two, and subtract the difference - THAT is the amount of "net fear" you have to deal with. Does the heart always adhere to the brain's fear-accounting?  No. But sometimes it does, and pursuing that math is the first step to movement.

2. Sitting still makes fear worse. Move forward, stay busy. Do not dwell on fear. Dwell on courage and your need for it.

3. Make a commitment. Set yourself up in a way you can't back away from. Send an email, a text, whatever: "I need to talk to you about my fear - just sending this is hurtful and scares me. I need you to be the person I know you are, and to help me face my fears, not make things worse." And then send it. Maybe give them the fear of letting you down, too. Maybe they'll be courageous and surprise you. Maybe they won't.

4. Make your peace. Fear feeds on energy - don't feed it. It is tempting to stare and obsess on fearful things - to imagine them at their strongest and ourselves at our weakest. Do not do this - they do not deserve to be "rounded up" and you do not deserve to be "rounded down."

5. Decide who you are going to be, and be that person. Don't do what YOU want to do - do what THAT person MUST do in order to be as you imagine them. This is about tying the moment, the task before you, into the context of your life. You WILL have moments when you fail to be your best person. But you will have many points when you are better than you imagined. Our lives are footsteps traced between the path we wanted to walk, and the only path we could find. That simply is what it means to be human - and losing that path, finding it, and pointing it out for others is why we are here.

6. Admitting you are afraid is step 1. There's no shame in it. Loneliness and isolation make things worse - seek others and divide your fear among your friends and allies.

7. See the fear in others. You are not alone in having fear, but you may be alone in having the courage to admit it.

This advice is submitted by a paratrooper and mountain climber afraid of heights; a scuba diver afraid of sharks and drowning; a decorated soldier afraid of being hurt and doing harm. I hope this advice is helpful.

-Gem Cutter
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 13, 2016, 10:23:15 PM
I don't like control of my body being taken from me and I'm afraid something will happen, that I won't wake up.

The problem is I'm not sure how to bring up my fears with my family. I've tried a few times, but chickened out each time. I thought maybe someone here could give me some advice.
Hi NightWrite, I can only share with you my experience of telling family about health problems and fears. I hope it's useful.

My big conclusion is this: people always surprise you favourably. They are more understanding, more tolerant, more accommodating, than you expect them to be.
Because what you are doing is projecting your fears onto them. I think you're thinking you're silly for feeling like that, and so believe that everybody else will think you're silly too. You're thinking that you're a grown-up and shouldn't be feeling like that, so you imagine them telling this to you.
And you know what? There is no one, and I really mean no one, more critical of yourself than you yourself.
Honestly.
I've had people telling me "Look, would you say that to a friend?", about things I was complaining about myself, and of course I had to say no, that would be really horrible.

So you need to give yourself a break, first, and accept that everything you're feeling is normal, even if scary, and then go and prove the saying that sharing problems really does help to make them more manageable.
Let them see your vulnerable side. Nobody will think less of you because of that.

And trust me. Any test that identifies and is able to treat cancer sooner rather than later is a big plus in my book - it's a balance between, on one side, uncomfortable, scary, and maybe a bit of pain; on the other, your whole life! (so says the single-breasted woman hehe)
*big hugs*
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: NightWrite on October 13, 2016, 11:48:19 PM
Thank-you for the advice everyone and I'll try your suggestion Gem, about using a message of some kind.

To tell the truth I'm hoping this issue opens the way for a proper discussion about the mutation in my family. My mom got diagnosed the other month, the reason my sister and I got tested, yet no one's spoken on the topic beyond some minor stuff. It feels too fresh and raw, still sinking in. It might be the reason I'm so hesitant to bring up my fears with the anesthesia.

But the talk needs to happen. If only so my mom knows without a doubt I don't blame her for this. Hence why I'm hoping to use my fears.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 14, 2016, 01:11:03 AM
A friend of mine has a serious congenital heart defect - she's the only child of three to live more than a decade. It's a helluva thing - I can't imagine the issues and sub-issues. Good luck - sending hopeful wishes for clarity and insight.
-Gem
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 15, 2016, 03:16:56 PM
You have no idea what it feels to be thirsty almost all the time (everything in my body is dry...) and water tasting awful :(

At the moment 7up or fizzy ginger beer taste fine, but too much gas messes up my stomach.
This lunchtime I had a fruit smoothie and that was ok too, yay.

Every day is a food&drink gamble...

*SO* annoying >:(
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 15, 2016, 03:26:27 PM
We need a "I don't like this one bit and I am sorry you have to deal with this crap" button. :(
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 15, 2016, 03:33:01 PM
It's ok, I know you are all pressing that button internally :)

I can only think of the revenge I'm going to get on sweet things, in Portugal over Christmas if not sooner, when all this taste bud stuff is over 8)

(can you believe chocolate tastes bland? yeah, right? so not eating any at the moment because it's a waste of sweet sensation hehe)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on October 15, 2016, 05:29:45 PM
[presses button]
[rinses]
[repeats]
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 15, 2016, 06:54:16 PM
Not being able to eat properly due to sickness blows, I know.

On a completely unrelated note, I just wanted to share a little something I saw on Facebook:

"University is great, because you're effectively an unemployed alcoholic but your parents are really proud of you."

 ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: tebakutis on October 16, 2016, 10:44:18 PM
Well this is a bit of good news!

http://gizmodo.com/single-most-important-step-to-fight-climate-change-take-1787837560 (http://gizmodo.com/single-most-important-step-to-fight-climate-change-take-1787837560)
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/15/world/africa/kigali-deal-hfc-air-conditioners.html?_r=0 (http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/15/world/africa/kigali-deal-hfc-air-conditioners.html?_r=0)

Quote
The agreement will work in three tiers:

  • The richest countries, like the United States and the European Union will stop production and use of HFCs by 2018.
  • The majority of the world, including China, Brazil and the continent of Africa will catch up by 2024.
  • The remainder, including India, Pakistan, Iran, Saudi Arabia and Kuwait have a target of 2028 to phase out HFCs.

According to the New York Times, “the deal is expected to lead to the reduction of the equivalent of 70 billion tons of carbon dioxide from the atmosphere — about two times the carbon pollution produced annually by the entire world.”

As an amendment to the Montreal Protocol, the Kigali accord is legally binding, making it stronger than the initial deal in Paris. Durwood Zaelke, the president of the Institute for Governance and Sustainable Development, says, “This is a mandatory treaty. Governments are obligated to comply.”

So we're still making progress toward leaving a better world for our kids and grandkids.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 16, 2016, 11:49:34 PM
Er, maybe I'm misunderstanding something, but how can you reduce pollution by MORE than is put out by the entire world?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: tebakutis on October 17, 2016, 12:23:29 AM
Er, maybe I'm misunderstanding something, but how can you reduce pollution by MORE than is put out by the entire world?

I'd have to go back and look at the article, but I think they are speaking in regard to the time it takes for everyone to hit their marks. So US and EU stop HFCs by 2018, then the next phase is 2024, then the next phase of 2028.

So what I'd imagine that means is, if we start now, and conclude in 2028 using the rules in this treaty, in that period of time (2016 - 2028) we will have reduced as much carbon pollution as the world (currently) produces in 2 years.

So at the conclusion of 12 years, when this deal concludes, we will have eliminated 2 years of carbon pollution that would otherwise have occurred.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 17, 2016, 03:00:45 PM
Yesterday I sent a mail to work friends and other people - I think I've repeated this message enough here, but since it's a bit more "organised", here you go - because I care for you :)


"This coming week UK’s Channel 4 is doing a campaign called SU2C (“Stand up to cancer”), to support cancer research projects.
I’m not asking you to donate, or sponsor me, or anything like that, although feel free to do whatever you want.

I’ve been hearing and reading stories of multiple people who have either been affected by cancer, or have friends or family that got the illness, and based on the fact that more than one third of people will have cancer in their lifetime, I got the idea for this mail.

Early warning ? That was key for me, and that seems to be the key for a successful treatment.

However, I know how hard that is. You start with the best intentions, you gather checklists from websites, you pay attention to ads and tv documentaries, you promise yourself you’ll go through them regularly, and then suddenly one day you open a drawer and that list is right there at the bottom, untouched for months.

So my suggestion is a simple 2-step list.

1. Pay attention to what isn’t normal.

You know your body, you know your bits and bobs, what is and isn’t there, what is normal in your day-to-day stuff. So when something changes, you notice.

Either it’s a mole who looks different, a lump in your body that wasn’t there last time you had a shower, a little blood where there shouldn’t be any, a cough that doesn’t go away, feeling full and gassy after even a small meal (when you used to be able to have a banquet without flinching) ...

These are just examples, but the baseline is: something changed, and you know it.

2. Go share that ‘abnormality’ with your doctor

Once you notice it, get it checked by a professional, as soon as possible. Don’t wait, don’t think it will go away by itself, don’t get scared, don’t be embarrassed.

Trust me: doctors prefer to see 100 false alarms than miss one single chance of treating an illness.

Oh, I know how it is. You notice something one day, and the next day you can’t find it anymore. Then a couple of more days and you notice it again. You think you’re imagining things and you’re ready to ignore and forget it. You don’t want to waste anybody’s time. No: this is the time to go to the doctor.

Apologise all you want: “oh, sorry to waste your time, but I notice this lump the other day, I’m just not sure…” – the reply I got was “no waste at all, this is why I’m here”. If I hadn’t said anything, I wonder where I’d be today. Or in a year or two.

There’s even no need to tell anybody else at this stage, if you don’t want to.
 

So there you go: see what’s different, and tell your doctor. Easy, right?

I know I will be doing this from now on, because having one doesn’t protect me from other cancer types. And I also discovered that normal regular blood tests don’t necessarily show all the wrong things in your body: a few weeks before my diagnosis I had the normal annual company medical check-up and my blood results came back perfect: ironic, right?

And if by sharing all I’ve learnt will help at least one person, anywhere, I will be happy.

Hugs to all, live to fight another day :)"
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 17, 2016, 08:12:45 PM
(I'm not going to say sorry for another mail, I know you understand)

Today I woke up angry.
I got up angry, and remained angry. There was no specific target for my anger, just a general "grrrrr" at the world, anything and everything. I let it stay, and just got along with it, but I knew something wasn't right.

Then 2 things happened that changed that.

First, I got a reply from a guy at work (the first boss I had when I moved here) to the mail I sent and copied above: he thanked me and said that due to that, he was going to finally go get his medical check-up that he'd been postponing for over 2 years, and he realised how silly he was that he had his car and central heating checked annually, but he didn't do the same to his health.

Then I finally admitted that I didn't want to go to this event at the Leeds Charity tomorrow and wrote to them, cancelling my attendance. It was going to be the whole day, 10 to 4, and I wasn't aware how subconsciously I just knew my tiredness was rebelling against it, both in terms of being able to concentrate for that long, and simply sitting down listening to people for all those hours.
And admitting I can't go is not "letting anyone down".

I feel better now :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on October 17, 2016, 08:44:29 PM
Quote
And admitting I can't go is not "letting anyone down".

The brilliant word: "No"

I need to learn it.

Good for you, Bea.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on October 17, 2016, 08:47:26 PM
where the "stand up and cheer" button?  why don't we have one of those yet?

[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]

oooh!  this is fun!

[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
[pushes button]
. . .
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 17, 2016, 09:31:48 PM
I feel better now :)

We like it! We love it!  We want more of it!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 20, 2016, 11:32:53 AM
Pardon the double post, but I wanted to share the good news that a woman I know who has been battling cancer for well over a year and experienced all kinds of complications (minor and not so minor) just got her final tests back - and she's cancer-free!

And this video captures how I feel about this, and pretty much everything else.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ALOI63X_CE[/youtube]
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on October 20, 2016, 08:06:59 PM
And to be the cloud for the silver linings.

 I am Broken (again) damaged my deltoid about 5-6 weeks back and have done some progressive damage by carrying on. Exercises from the Physio and ice for moment and they reassess in a couple of weeks and probably tell me to stop doing everything. On the plus side it's muscular as I thought I had done for the scapula or rotator cuff.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 20, 2016, 08:32:34 PM
Ouch. Gotta let the healing happen man. Luckily (speaking of silver linings) it's getting colder so at least you won't miss good outdoor exercise time :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eclipse on October 20, 2016, 08:53:07 PM
Noisy young men loitering below my apartment. Don't know why but this makes me anxious going to put tv on and turn volume up
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on October 20, 2016, 09:35:51 PM
Noisy young men loitering below my apartment. Don't know why but this makes me anxious going to put tv on and turn volume up

Hope all is fine. I can empathize. You find yourself nervous about people, even when you wish you didn't feel that way.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 20, 2016, 10:12:32 PM
Noisy young men loitering below my apartment. Don't know why but this makes me anxious going to put tv on and turn volume up
I don't like *any* noise at night... :-\

Today I ended up meeting my next door neighbours on the corridor and asked them if they could be quiet "after 10.30pm, since you can see I'm ill and need lots of rest".
I mean, I don't know if they can see or not, they might think my head scarf is just fashion, but at least they said yes... let's see.
I'm sick of either sleping with ear plugs (which don't cut all noise) or banging on the wall for them to shut up at midnight.

Eclipse, at least they're outside, and still some space away from you. Hang in there...

Rostum, ouch! Keep 'not moving' now, and let it heal.
(I admit I had to google deltoid to find out where it was :-[ )
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: m3mnoch on October 21, 2016, 01:29:16 AM
saw this.  immediately thought of you, bea.

(http://m3mnoch.com/static/images/fake-boobs.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 21, 2016, 10:05:01 AM
^ ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: NightWrite on October 21, 2016, 04:18:31 PM
I'm not a fan of night time noises either, they make me jumpy and get my mind riled up.

About a year or two ago I got an app on my phone which acts as one of the white noise makers to drown all that random noise out. It kinda works, but I'd prefer not to need or use it.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 22, 2016, 11:02:44 AM
@NightWrite (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=33009), how are you? Have you been able to talk with your family already?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: NightWrite on October 22, 2016, 03:26:42 PM
I'm good, though I'm starting small. I found it was easier to speak with my sister than my parents, but I'm building the courage up to speak with them.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 22, 2016, 03:28:06 PM
That's good to know :)

(and I also usually tell the important stuff to my sister first, hehe)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: NightWrite on October 22, 2016, 03:30:04 PM
(and I also usually tell the important stuff to my sister first, hehe)
Same here, it just feels easier.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 26, 2016, 11:11:34 PM
So, things have been a little quiet here. How are folks doing?

Myself, I'd say I'm doing pretty well. There's an important test on globalisation on Friday, but I'm pretty confident I'll get a decent grade. Aaand then I'm going to a Halloween shindig in the evening. All-Hallow's-Eve has never been a thing here, but in recent years people have latching onto the opportunity for costume parties, and the university is getting together at a bar. I'm going to wear the same costume from last year, because why spend money on something I'll only use once? Plus, I'll get to show it to more people.

Aside from that, I'm working on a short story I'm going to enter into the Fish Publishing competition, and the family problem I hinted at a while back is looking a little better.

Also, there is a parliamentary election in Iceland on Saturday, and one of the parties is inviting university students to a pre-party at six on Friday. But it's exactly the people I want to see out of office.

Free beer or political conviction, which is more important . . . ?
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 26, 2016, 11:16:00 PM
Also, there is a parliamentary election in Iceland on Saturday, and one of the parties is inviting university students to a pre-party at six on Friday. But it's exactly the people I want to see out of office.

Free beer or political conviction, which is more important . . . ?

Free beer - and the opportunity to better know your opponents. This isn't necessarily the devious thing it sounds. Learning to understand and speak to the other side's concerns is something America has forgotten, and compromise is almost always possible, and very often very productive.

Edit: Oh! And glad negative things are back down to manageable proportions!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lanko on October 26, 2016, 11:16:32 PM
Free beer or political conviction, which is more important . . . ?

Why one excludes the other?

Take their free beer and after you drink a lot at their expenses, you can tell them what you think  ::)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 26, 2016, 11:23:54 PM
Free beer or political conviction, which is more important . . . ?

Why one excludes the other?

Take their free beer and after you drink a lot at their expenses, you can tell them what you think  ::)

In the form of an uninhibited drunken rant, I take it? :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on October 26, 2016, 11:37:08 PM
Free beer or political conviction, which is more important . . . ?

Why one excludes the other?

Take their free beer and after you drink a lot at their expenses, you can tell them what you think  ::)

In the form of an uninhibited drunken rant, I take it? :)
Video needed.
Do it.
 8)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on October 26, 2016, 11:39:48 PM
Double post:

That was hysterical.

My post above originally said (and note the substitution of characters)
"Fac3b00k L1vestreaming needed. Do it."

But I used the real words.

When I posted it, the Forum rephrased my post as:

"I'm an annoying spammer. Do not click on this link. A mod will ban me shortly."
 :o ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 26, 2016, 11:42:42 PM
Ooooooh! Jmack's in detention!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 26, 2016, 11:44:23 PM
Free beer or political conviction, which is more important . . . ?

Why one excludes the other?

Take their free beer and after you drink a lot at their expenses, you can tell them what you think  ::)

In the form of an uninhibited drunken rant, I take it? :)
Video needed.
Do it.
 8)

Heh. Last year I was at an annual food festival, where one could sample all sorts of goodies manufactured in northern Iceland. That included beer, and of course I took advantage.

The then-prime minister was also attending (THIS guy https://youtu.be/9Ia8UALfBA4?t=58s), and my friend urged me to go throw beer at him, for the sake of publicity.

"Drunken writer assaults prime minister!"

I didn't do it. But it's a fun mental image.  :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on October 26, 2016, 11:47:47 PM
Free beer or political conviction, which is more important . . . ?

Why one excludes the other?

Take their free beer and after you drink a lot at their expenses, you can tell them what you think  ::)

In the form of an uninhibited drunken rant, I take it? :)
Video needed.
Do it.
 8)


Glad things are improving for you, Eli.

Maybe ignore Jmack's rabble rousing advice, ranting on the spot in the nest of the enemy may lead to you suffering serious physical consequences. Enjoy the beer, listen to their nefarious plans and gloat privately.  But beware, under the beer influence they could convert you . ;D

Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on October 26, 2016, 11:54:15 PM
I am curious to see if the pirate party can get enough of a vote to form a coalition and what happens next...
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: NightWrite on October 27, 2016, 02:17:45 AM
I decided I'm not doing anything major this year for Halloween, not even decorate or give out candy. It's my favorite holiday, despite my aversion to horror, yet I doesn't feel right this year. My plans are to buy a small bag of candy when I go grocery shopping, then curl up to watch movies and drink hot chocolate Halloween night. Watching Hocus Pocus is the only Halloween tradition I'll be upholding this year.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 27, 2016, 04:19:44 AM
Wide awake again, since I started taking a bunch of steroids yesterday for the treatment today. 8 of them a day. That will repeat today and tomorrow, then it stops.
*sigh*

I've been feeling almost 'normal' in the last few days, only for everything to start again now.
Physically, mostly.
Brain's been... meh. Lots of 'revelations', hehe
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 27, 2016, 08:29:30 AM
Glad things are improving for you, Eli.

Maybe ignore Jmack's rabble rousing advice, ranting on the spot in the nest of the enemy may lead to you suffering serious physical consequences. Enjoy the beer, listen to their nefarious plans and gloat privately.  But beware, under the beer influence they could convert you . ;D

Or maybe I could arrange some kind of Red Wedding thing...
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 27, 2016, 09:57:44 AM
Or maybe I could arrange some kind of Red Wedding thing...
;D
Never knew you had that in you, hehe, always learning about people here 8)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 27, 2016, 04:32:37 PM
By the way, treatment 5 done :D
Feeling as last time - big queasy, but otherwise ok.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 27, 2016, 04:51:57 PM
By the way, treatment 5 done :D
Feeling as last time - big queasy, but otherwise ok.

Glad to hear it.

How about some badass music?  :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rf26gphwadk
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 27, 2016, 06:14:20 PM
By the way, treatment 5 done :D
Feeling as last time - big queasy, but otherwise ok.

Hang in there Ms. Scarlet.  My world is experiencing some vertigo as well. At least yours makes SENSE. I won't go into detail, but some will recall that someone in my circle suffers from obsession. The embodiment of that obsession is a book, which I found published in electronic form under a pseudonym - thank god and all that is good in the universe! At least there's insulation, cause this is definitely going to make the news.

Real photos and real names of real people, major, beloved celebrities and regular people, were included. Perhaps the book will lie unnoticed in bowels of the internet, like Tolkien's Ring in the river mud, but I doubt it. People will see the photos and the names and react negatively. The misogyny is so thick that even I, a paratrooper from a generation now considered insensitive, am offended on their behalf. The male protag is never wrong, unless his confidence is flagging, in which case the women bolster it. It's literally the joke "I was wrong once - I thought I made a mistake, but that was incorrect." Ugh.

So the trains are on their track, facing each other, and are now in motion. My hands are literally shaking - I can't write or even think of anything but this catastrophe.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 27, 2016, 06:26:48 PM
Fingers crossed for you, Gem, that the book will remain unnoticed forever...
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 28, 2016, 08:22:32 PM
Well, @Gem_Cutter, your post is about as vague as my family-related one was a little while back. And just as with that one, all one can say is good luck, and I hope it works out as well as it can.

As for myself, that test went quite well, and I'm going to be cautiously optimistic and predict a score of eight at the least.

Now, I'm putting on my Halloween costume, and heading downtown. There may or may not be an alcohol-soaked follow-up post to this one...
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on October 28, 2016, 09:19:01 PM
By the way, treatment 5 done :D
Feeling as last time - big queasy, but otherwise ok.

Hang in there Ms. Scarlet.  My world is experiencing some vertigo as well. At least yours makes SENSE. I won't go into detail, but some will recall that someone in my circle suffers from obsession. The embodiment of that obsession is a book, which I found published in electronic form under a pseudonym - thank god and all that is good in the universe! At least there's insulation, cause this is definitely going to make the news.

Real photos and real names of real people, major, beloved celebrities and regular people, were included. Perhaps the book will lie unnoticed in bowels of the internet, like Tolkien's Ring in the river mud, but I doubt it. People will see the photos and the names and react negatively. The misogyny is so thick that even I, a paratrooper from a generation now considered insensitive, am offended on their behalf. The male protag is never wrong, unless his confidence is flagging, in which case the women bolster it. It's literally the joke "I was wrong once - I thought I made a mistake, but that was incorrect." Ugh.

So the trains are on their track, facing each other, and are now in motion. My hands are literally shaking - I can't write or even think of anything but this catastrophe.

I do think I remember the context of this one, and even more so hope for the best for you and yours. Thankfully, we're in ridiculous-politics season right now. Enough noise that nothing else should be able to break through.  8)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: apj868 on October 29, 2016, 11:39:43 AM
Hi all,

Long time lurker, only posted a few times.

This is a slightly different post for this thread, but I am after a bit of advice.

An old friend has just come back into my life. Until about 1 month ago, I hadn't seen her in about 7 years. Our relationship basically came straight back as if we hadn't been apart and everything was great. She has told me how seeing me makes her happy and how much she enjoys our interactions.

A couple of days ago she told me that she was abused by a (now) ex partner, the abuse took place about 6-12 months ago. I don't know any details, but she described it as 2 weeks of hell and has told me that the court process is still ongoing and being dragged out by the perpetrator. On the outside she seems fine, but looking back at conversations that we've had and putting some pieces of the puzzle together, I'm sure that she's putting on a brave face but hurting really badly inside.

I obviously want to help her as best I can. I'm just not sure how best to go about it.

I am worried that if I push her too much regarding being there to help her that our interactions will no longer continue to be fun for her. That is something that I definitely do not want to take away. I think that part of the reason why our interactions are fun for her is that I remind her of times when she was happy before her abuse.

On the other hand, I don't want to think that I am ignoring what went on and to think that I am not there for her if she needs anything. I know from our discussions that she values my opinion. I know that she has at least some support form her parents and a (new) partner, none of whom I have met, but I am not sure how much other support she has outside of this. She has told me that she is more of a home body.

I am really after any advice that anyone can give me with regards to how best to help her.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on October 29, 2016, 12:25:00 PM
OK I am a sad, old, single and Cynical and certainly cannot give you advice about how to run your relationship.
I am glad you are happy but think on this.
I will say you cannot fix other peoples problems to their satisfaction, so don't try. Listen, be supportive and be there when needed. If she feels the need to tell you she will, in her own time.
I am curious as to how she came back into your life after so long out of it? I don't need an answer to that but you do need to consider it. Seven years is a long time to be absent. Just be aware that we tend to have an urge to protect those who are vulnerable and that may not be the proper basis to build a lasting relationship on.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on October 29, 2016, 12:55:49 PM
I would echo much of Rostum's post (except the sad, cynical part  :P).
My main advice is patience and presence. This is a recently re-opened relationship, and she is in pain. Be patient with her but also with yourself. Be present for her. Be open to her and her needs, but not reaching for some objective.

Wow that all sounds like platitudes, but it is what I think. We can probably get more specific if you needs us to.

I hope things work in a really good way for both of you.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 29, 2016, 01:16:22 PM
Yeah, I agree that the best option in this situation is to just make sure she knows you're there for her IF she wants to bring it up.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 29, 2016, 03:02:13 PM
make sure she knows you're there for her IF she wants to bring it up.
This is my advice too.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ultamentkiller on October 29, 2016, 04:24:23 PM
Hi all,

Long time lurker, only posted a few times.

This is a slightly different post for this thread, but I am after a bit of advice.

An old friend has just come back into my life. Until about 1 month ago, I hadn't seen her in about 7 years. Our relationship basically came straight back as if we hadn't been apart and everything was great. She has told me how seeing me makes her happy and how much she enjoys our interactions.

A couple of days ago she told me that she was abused by a (now) ex partner, the abuse took place about 6-12 months ago. I don't know any details, but she described it as 2 weeks of hell and has told me that the court process is still ongoing and being dragged out by the perpetrator. On the outside she seems fine, but looking back at conversations that we've had and putting some pieces of the puzzle together, I'm sure that she's putting on a brave face but hurting really badly inside.

I obviously want to help her as best I can. I'm just not sure how best to go about it.

I am worried that if I push her too much regarding being there to help her that our interactions will no longer continue to be fun for her. That is something that I definitely do not want to take away. I think that part of the reason why our interactions are fun for her is that I remind her of times when she was happy before her abuse.

On the other hand, I don't want to think that I am ignoring what went on and to think that I am not there for her if she needs anything. I know from our discussions that she values my opinion. I know that she has at least some support form her parents and a (new) partner, none of whom I have met, but I am not sure how much other support she has outside of this. She has told me that she is more of a home body.

I am really after any advice that anyone can give me with regards to how best to help her.
So Brent Weeks has a good quote for this. I don't know exactly what it says, so I'll paraphrase.
Sometimes, a man's highest calling is to listen.
Something like that. Just be there for her, listen when she wants to speak, speak when she's looking for comments and answers, and that will be enough.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 29, 2016, 04:54:47 PM
Sometimes, a man's highest calling is to listen.

I've believed for a long time that the best in our lives show up, and it seems that you are, so you've already won. I don't think it requires expertise or experience.

Presence of mind but an absence of agenda, a sincere desire to be of service, and a willingness to reach out first and put one's feelings at risk - these and similar traits are all that is required to make an extraordinary impact on others, even when "extraordinary" is just the sigh of quiet, untroubled breaths.

Whether it's helping us move furniture, guiding us as we pick ourselves up after life knocks us down, or sitting beside our beds in white, sanitized rooms, the best in our lives show up. And from what I've seen, that's enough.


Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: apj868 on October 30, 2016, 06:52:23 AM
Thank you everyone for your suggestions, basically confirms my gut with what I should do.

Rostum, about how we re-met it was just by chance. We are both ex competitive swimmers. I have gotten back into the water for personal fitness a few years ago, when I turned up to the pool one day she was there. Turns out that she decided to take up lifeguarding to supplement her  income from her other job as she is not getting the hours she would wish from that. From there we just started talking instead of swimming or lifeguarding and everything went from there.

I kind of knew immediately that there was something that she wasn't telling me, I just never thought that it would be what it was.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 30, 2016, 09:49:25 PM
Well, I just thought I'd chirp in that the Halloween party I attended on Friday went okay. I went home earlier than most, but forcing myself to stay somewhere longer than I'm comfortable with doesn't achieve anything. I chatted with a couple of people I've come to know, and even ventured onto the dance floor for a little while.
Doesn't sound dramatic, I know. But then, this is me.

My costume was a big success, and got a lot of commentary, as well as visible reactions from people when they  met me for the first time. I made a bit of a rule out of not speaking to people I didn't know, to stay in character, and after leaving home I never took the mask off. (I drank my beers through a straw)

I wound up winning "Scariest costume".


(http://i65.tinypic.com/3480m1j.jpg)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on October 30, 2016, 10:04:21 PM
@Eli_Freysson, the red eyes (not to mention the blood spatter)... Creepy as hell. Or was that just the flash?   ;)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 30, 2016, 10:26:12 PM
@Eli_Freysson, the red eyes (not to mention the blood spatter)... Creepy as hell. Or was that just the flash?   ;)

Oh, I'm afraid the eyes are just because of the flash. I did were bloody bandages under the mask, though. And wrapped around my hands.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 31, 2016, 05:42:52 PM
Scary indeed :o

I'm back to blegh food and drink :( even the things that were ok last time no longer apply.
I hope it doesn't last too long...
*keeps experimenting*
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 31, 2016, 05:55:36 PM
Scary indeed :o

I'm back to blegh food and drink :( even the things that were ok last time no longer apply.
I hope it doesn't last too long...
*keeps experimenting*

That sounds terrific, like stubbing one's toe.  :-\
Perhaps you can write a treatment-friendly cookbook when you're done. "Scarlet's Cookbook and Guide to Chemo-friendly Foods"  I could be your ghost-writer! Preface: "Next to nothing is appetizing in these conditions. This book contains no foods that amaze; rather, it has those things which are the least offensive to an irritated palate. Sometimes the heights of cuisine is nothing more than getting it down and keeping it down."
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on October 31, 2016, 06:00:26 PM
hehehe Gem, I actually got a cookbook from the BC Charity in Leeds, with nice recipes (to learn and also to support them).
The problem is that every person is different and tastes things differently, so there's no guarantee they'll work.
I mean, even the stuff that was ok last time is not ok now - and it might change again in a couple of days...

For example, for lunch I had the final lasagna leftover, and it was like munching on... cardboard? or at least something tasteless ::)

I see it as a chance to not eat much/indulge for now, and then when taste is back, I can have my good food ;D
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on October 31, 2016, 06:12:38 PM
I see it as a chance to not eat much/indulge for now, and then when taste is back, I can have my good food ;D

Whenever I have the flu and can't really eat anything, I almost obsess over how great it is to be able to eat properly, and vow to savour my meals after recovering. And I DO (for a while), and it's fantastic.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on October 31, 2016, 06:22:03 PM
When I went to Iraq, I ate nothing but Army pouch-food for 7 months straight. By the end, all I could keep down was crackers and peanut butter. A chicken strayed near our building once. Only once. 8)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on November 01, 2016, 05:47:29 PM
Wahey, home-made carrot (and a ton of other veggies) pureed soup: it tastes great :D :D :D

And my GP said I looked very well, and I'm always lighting up the room ::)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on November 01, 2016, 07:43:45 PM
That made my heart smile Ms. Scarlet. Glad things are going well.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on November 05, 2016, 10:17:34 PM
Bit of a down evening/night today, but I was googling "funny cancer cartoons" and found this:
(http://rlv.zcache.com/fightin_mad_chick_breast_cancer_poster-r33d0da4b1e5141e1814bf85d78b5d3fd_w6a_8byvr_324.jpg)

Really needed this ;D
(although today I don't feel like I'm fighting much...)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on November 08, 2016, 11:00:14 PM
You know how some people get depressed around the holidays, because it's a special occasion and there's this odd pressure for everything to be happy and perfect, and it hits people in a strange ways when they fail to live up to that?

Well, my birthday is coming up this Friday, and that's sort of how I feel about it. The days of cakes and inviting the kids in class over are long gone, but I still tend to get sad about the day when I fail to make something out of it.

My little circle of friends has sort of dried up, and as my grandmother may finally be dying (at age 86), a meeting with the family may not be an option. I could go downtown in the evening and hope to run into some of the university folk, but it that doesn't work it seems like a very sad way to spend your birthday.

Well... just wanted to get this off my chest, I suppose.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Jmack on November 08, 2016, 11:13:54 PM
You could still invite kids from class over for free beer cupcakes.  ;D

But, yeah, I understand. Meanwhile, we will be celebrating your birthday here!
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on November 08, 2016, 11:52:51 PM
Eli, in addition to wishing you a happy birthday, I'll share an observation.

In my life, the years between childhood and middle age formed a trough - few new highs but many new lows. But the loneliness of the first decade after the end of my childhood became a welcome "bottom threshold" against which the rest of my life gained a richer perspective.

It made my married years better - 26 years this winter. My circle of friends vanished in my teens, but when I found a new one in my thirties, they were more than my friends - they were my brothers, men I would kill and die for. Those times were often painful and unsuccessful, but they provided me everything I needed later to succeed and, far more important, to recognize and appreciate that success in the ways that matter.

None of this makes hard times easier, but they are an investment and an essential part of a good life, in my experience. When enough time has passed, they will be the source of your happiness. You're paying your dues, but I swear, you get it all back. My two cents.

Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Bradley Darewood on November 09, 2016, 07:05:48 AM
Well, my birthday is coming up this Friday, and that's sort of how I feel about it. The days of cakes and inviting the kids in class over are long gone, but I still tend to get sad about the day when I fail to make something out of it.

Some years, I've waited till 6 months later until I had the free time to throw myself a birthday party :)  Nothing wrong with running around and making new friends, and no need to make the actual day count as your birthday if you're not just ready for it just yet!

Happy Early Birthday!!!

(http://i.imgur.com/8nPRwTr.gif)

Meanwhile on an unrelated note I think I'm going to need a therapist to convince me to get out of bed for the next 4 years...
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on November 09, 2016, 10:06:06 AM
Dear Eli, I feel I don't have the right words today, but sometimes you can make your own special day - do something you really enjoy, even on your own; or ask just one person out, even if it's not a 'circle of friends'.

Or like Bradley says, give yourself a little delay, say you'll celebrate in January, for example.

*hugs anyway*

(note: @xiagan, please add Eli 11 Nov to the member calendar!)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on November 09, 2016, 04:21:15 PM
AAAAAAA!!!!
@xiagan is the absolute best :D :D

I just got a pack in the post with 5 amazing different types of chocolate bars! From him!
 :-*

It came at just the right time, as I've been feeling a bit meh lately, hehe
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: xiagan on November 09, 2016, 05:15:47 PM
You're welcome. [emoji5]
Today, I think everybody here needs chocolate. Or a string drink (maybe more than one).
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on November 09, 2016, 10:06:51 PM
And just to show your psychic powers, food is getting back to normal taste :D

(I went to the supermarket and, amongst other things, I bought a pack of the vanilla custard doughnuts I like so much: I've eaten 3 today :-[)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on November 09, 2016, 11:48:58 PM

(I went to the supermarket and, amongst other things, I bought a pack of the vanilla custard doughnuts I like so much: I've eaten 3 today :-[)

Hey, what's with the frowny face? You deserve some junk food after all this!  :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on November 10, 2016, 01:22:03 AM
yeah if you are gaining weight at the moment that is a good thing! You an always run it off when you are better.

Good news on my dad the have successfully shrunk all three tumours beyond the critical 45% and there should be more information on the Richters count Friday. Hopefully they have enough data to provide some more good news.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Mehman on November 11, 2016, 12:59:49 AM
Listen, I don't know anyone here. All of our experiences are different and how we view things is tinted by those experiences. Ethnicity, creed (or lack thereof), past betrayals, etc. I come to put this down in what I feel is the appropriate thread but, if it's not, feel free to delete or disregard at your leisure. Be forewarned: there might be profanity and hatred shown to your fellow man in what I'm about to say. I just need to vent or I'll explode and this is the fifth time I've tried to write this down on the forum - not for any glitch, but because I don't know if I should or not.

I wish I had something to fight like cancer. At least with cancer the outcome can be two different things: remission or death by the disease and/or other related ailments. People like you because they think that they can relate to you. It seems like everyone has been affected by it in one form or another. My wife's best friend has cancer currently and, hell, even my grandfather had it. I was raised as a young lad in a cancer center as my mother worked as an oncology RN. So, yeah, I understand cancer and its little nuances with intimate knowledge.

I've got Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (or EDS as it's affectionately known) and it sucks. Not only do I have EDS, but I've been blessed with the chronic variant that affects only a small minority. I don't have the vascular form of the disease so my aorta won't decide to come undone one day, but I wish I did. Along with the above syndrome, I also have Type II Diabetes, POTTS (para-orthostatic, not Diabetes related), Bipolar II, ADHD, and a touch of PTSD. I'm trying to think of anything else I've missed but it's quite clear that I'm right and proper fucked from that list alone.

EDS is... the epitome of painful. Think of bone cancer level pain and then multiply it by an arbitrary number. I've had to make another pain level chart just for it. The normal 1 - 10 "How are You Feeling?" chart doesn't apply. It's genetic so no treatment will work, which is great news. Best of all, though: you can't die from it. Well, short of putting a hole in your head from your gun you've named Hospice. Feel free to look it up if you'd like. I'll wait here.

Back already? Great! I hope you learned a lot. Now you're an expert in the syndrome and know everything the doctors know. I'm not being a smart-ass, either. Researchers know nothing about EDS and doctors just ask their patients what they need when it comes time for pills and then dole them out without question. I'm the royalty of the medical community.

Anyway, I tire of my medication. One medication I take makes me forget things. Important things like taking the medication. See the irony there? The manic depressive medication and sleeping pills are the only things that work regularly and they only work half the time. I've got enough stimulants running through my body that could give a draft horse the jitters and I take enough morphine to kill a silverback gorilla. I'm not joking - that's the sad part. I've got enough medication that could kill someone ten, thirteen, twenty times over and it does fuck-all when it comes to handling this pain.

The depression that comes alongside the syndrome is a huge laugh-fest, too. You see, you're born with EDS but it doesn't manifest until your teen years. That happened to me big time. I couldn't finish high school the normal way - had to have a teacher come to my house. She gave me a cupcake when I graduated so I guess that was alright. Then, the syndrome hides in the background for years until it just fucking decides to manifest again, but this time it's for life. There is no more remission for me. I would do the whole "Right to Life" bullshit and take the suicide pill except that I hate life so much that I have to spite it by being alive. Well, that and my state doesn't offer it. Against the bible or some other made-up fairy tale horseshit. Got to love Texas!

I got sidetracked, didn't I? Goddamn meds. I was talking about depression, yes? Well, we're mostly writers here so let your imagination run wild. I think this post is long enough, as it stands, so I won't bore you any longer.

Just remember: it can always get worse - you could be like me.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Lady Ty on November 11, 2016, 02:49:35 AM
Hi, Mehman. It's impossible to imagine or even attempt to understand how you feel. Yes, I had to look up EDS and was horrified at what I found. To say sorry or offer comments of hope or encouragement would be completely inadequate at best, insulting at worst.

All I can offer you is that it's good you chose to let out on this thread, that is exactly why it was created.  Nobody here in this community will object or be offended, if you want to come here and scream at the world about this terrible disease. That opportunity to let it out is always there if it makes you feel minimally better. Only proviso maybe keep profanity low-key and don't deliberately offend against other people's ethnicity or beliefs.

Maybe some degree of entertainment and our crazy humour elsewhere on the forum will be a welcome distraction sometimes. :)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: The Gem Cutter on November 11, 2016, 03:20:26 AM
Hey Mehman,
Your post touched me and inspired a deep reaction, so forgive me if I gush.

For my part, I am glad you felt comfortable enough to share your situation, as you say, so early in our fellowship. As Lady Ty said, this is the right place. Your decision to post makes me feel very good if we are able to give you a space to crack the valve, so to speak, and let your feelings out, whatever flavor they come in, and whatever time they occur. I don't think you need to hesitate at all, so if nothing else, false-starts and abandoned thoughts are not necessary here. You can always send me a private message if you need someone to listen and nod sagely. My nods are very sagely.

Kidding aside, depression is something I deal with more and more often, as I no longer have a hyper-active work life to distract me, and it is purely related to minor internal issues, and not tied to/worsened by a disease like yours. My plate is full with just your leftovers (Bipolar, ADHD, and a touch of PTSD), although for me it's mostly ADHD, Combat PTS, and some Bipolar tendencies. I will endeavor to man up a bit more.

I also had to google your disease, and I noticed the extended pain scale. I am filled with dread just trying and failing to imagine your daily life. Your courage and resilience are inspiring. Those are words that are important to me beyond the platitudes that so often co-opt them, not so much because I have them, but because I've encountered their opposites - fear and weakness - time and time again. Sometimes I have overcome them very well. Other times, not so much.

I will end my now novel-length reply by saying again that you are welcome here.
-Gem
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on November 11, 2016, 10:09:19 AM
Mehman, I clicked the 'like' on your post because for me seeing those likes on my posts, even if I don't get direct replies, are a good sign. That people read and are here with me, giving me virtual hugs.
As they said, I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to post

I don't pretend to understand what you go through every day, except maybe picking up some of my worst side effects and multiply them by a big number and have them last forever :-\
I do understand your comment about "cancer vs. other illnesses" - I think I actually posted here, some time ago, that mentally I felt much worse last year when I was going through the worst of my depression than I've felt with cancer, yet people only 'pay more attention' now.

Come here and vent. Or post crazy things. Whatever you want, gawd knows I do that a lot, hehe

So here are some virtual *hugs* for you :)
And read fantasy - it helps sometimes, right?

(can I ask how old you are?)
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on November 11, 2016, 12:33:14 PM
@Mehman I am glad you felt comfortable enough to post here. This forum is one of the nicer places on the interwebs and this thread is a a good place to say stuff that sometimes needs to be said outside of a clinical environment but not unloaded on friends or family. In my case It is my father who is terminally ill and despite things looking better at the moment there will be no miraculous recovery but more quality time is a blessing at the moment. I have found it very de-stressing and have been deeply touched by the responses and PMs I have received from people here.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Eli_Freysson on November 11, 2016, 12:37:09 PM
@Mehman, I'm very sorry to read about your condition. We all get a taste of our bodies not working, and inescapable pain, when we get sick, but I know I can't adequately imagine being in your shoes.

Do please come here when you need to vent. Being silent about one's problems doesn't do any good.

I don't know anything about your illness, but I would like to point out that medical science is always progressing. Things might improve for you down the line, if you hold on.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Mehman on November 11, 2016, 06:18:48 PM
Thank you for your comments, everyone. I don't vent a lot but something has been weighing me down for a month and this had to come out. If only I knew what that weight was then maybe I could do something about it. No matter - the venting happened and I guess I feel better, really.

Thank you all for allowing me a bit of self-indulgence.

@ScarletBea - I'm 30 years old.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: ScarletBea on November 13, 2016, 02:01:59 PM
Well, here I go again.
Warning: here comes another big one.


My last chemo treatment is this coming Thursday.
Most of the people that know this, and now maybe you, will talk about "THE END". That's right, in caps, totally definitive. They will cheer, and be happy, and be ready for a party, and then wonder why I’m not more enthusiastic.
I’m not, because actually this attitude feels quite upsetting for me, because it definitely doesn't feel like that. It's the "the end" of a step, of a phase, in the long journey. After this one, I will still be feeling quite beaten, I will still be very tired all the time – this is not normal tiredness, it’s what the doctors call ‘fatigue’.
Then when I start feeling a bit normal again, even before all the chemo effects wash out, I will start hormone therapy tablets, to be taken daily for 5 years.
That's in January, and they will come with their own side effects that I assume will take a few weeks to get used to (hopefully only that). The biggest will be early menopause, which again is a big unknown how it will affect me.

I understand where people are coming from, I do. They have my best interests at heart, and they want closure for themselves too. I would probably feel the same if I wasn't going through it. But it's very annoying and even upsetting to hear that now.
I've started saying quietly "yes, it's the end of another step", but I don't think they pay attention.

I hope you understand now – you can totally have an “end of chemo party” here, but please don’t think now I’ll be back to normal right after.

And linked to all this, I'm dead scared now. More than in the beginning, which went by so quickly.
Scared about getting back to work, scared about the possibility of this cancer coming back, about me getting another type of cancer.
The work one is what I'm trying to postpone: I still have at the very least 2 full months off work, and even when I get back, it will be a phased return, part time, reduced hours.
But the rest? I’m not sure about the symptoms, what I need to look out for. Will every little thing be a scare? Did the chemo work, or is there still a rogue cell living somewhere in my body, biding its time?

I shared this with a friend, who told me to actually post this, to help people understand. As I mentioned, I wouldn’t know it myself, before.

Talking with a therapist last week, she actually told me that the worst times in the cancer journey are the beginning, just after the diagnostic, and what I’m going through now: end of “regular treatment” (chemo or radio) with the slow return to the ‘normal’ life/routine. The safety net gets taken away, the floating devices are removed, and I’m supposed to jump and swim in the high sea…

So basically I’m asking for some more understanding and patience. I know it’s been a long time, but please bear with me for a little while longer, allow me to complain and feel awful and down and scared, and ask for reassurance and hugs.
I’m scared of boring my friends, but the therapist asked me if I was on the other side, would I put a time limit on help? No, so why can’t I trust my friends to feel the same?
Thanks, each one of you.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: Rostum on November 13, 2016, 05:26:49 PM
A long while back I was with a girlfriend for her two year check. They drew about seven lots of 10cc of blood and apart from trying to break every bone in my hand each time they stuck a needle in her I got what felt like an electric shock as did the nurse. She was cancer free and for Leukaemia two years is a reliable indicator. She went through manically happy to for a couple of weeks to deeply depressed for 6 months after and would not accept that she was fixed. Finishing treatment is a long way from better. I can only wish you well with your recovery and hope it is as smooth and pleasant as possible.
Title: Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
Post by: tebakutis on November 13, 2016, 05:30:58 PM
My last chemo t