July 10, 2020, 01:29:18 AM

Author Topic: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel  (Read 322869 times)

Offline Cherie

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2985 on: March 22, 2020, 12:18:03 PM »
@ScarletBea I'll definitely have some music on a bit louder than we normally do! I won't be dancing though. I need alcohol if there a chance someone might see me. And depending how much work I actually have, might get some reading done.

@JMack Denizen works for me!

I feel a bit better today now that I've managed to get some supplies in. It feels like I've unlocked some kind of achievement! I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that my appointment on Friday still goes ahead.

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2986 on: March 22, 2020, 04:12:14 PM »
Not sure in which thread to post this, it fits in at least 3, but the book I'm currently reading is all about stories and fairy tales.
Today while reading I got the distinct impression that everything we're living now (quarantine, virus, restrictions, the world stopped...) was a story, and that I was just imagining it and tomorrow I'd be back to normal and realise I was being silly.
It was a very strange impression that didn't last long, but felt very real.
I had it once before, in the first days of the cancer.

It's almost like going back to pre-historic times, when people grouped around the fire telling stories/creating myths about lightening and storms and stuff, to be able to make sense of it.

And then I realised I'm reading this book at exactly the right time, and maybe I wouldn't appreciate it as much at another time...
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Offline S. K. Inkslinger

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2987 on: March 23, 2020, 09:09:52 AM »
I checked out the poem on depression on the first page and I was like, hey, there's a lot of people who've liked this post. Do we even have that many active members on the forum right now? Then I scrolled down and see the names of people who I have never known here, and finally noticed that I'm on the first page of the thread that was back in 2015, hahah.  ;D

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2988 on: March 23, 2020, 09:28:52 AM »
I checked out the poem on depression on the first page and I was like, hey, there's a lot of people who've liked this post. Do we even have that many active members on the forum right now? Then I scrolled down and see the names of people who I have never known here, and finally noticed that I'm on the first page of the thread that was back in 2015, hahah.  ;D
Yes, so many - and you wouldn't believe the impact that had on me, at such a difficult time.
I'm not sure I've said this before, but I don't mind anymore: knowing I had so many people worried and caring about me, prevented me from a few instances of self-harm, almost as much as when I showed the light scars to a friend and she made me promise not to do it again.

All this to say to everybody: if you're ever in trouble, let us help, let yourself be helped :)
« Last Edit: March 23, 2020, 09:31:30 AM by ScarletBea »
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Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2989 on: March 24, 2020, 03:16:32 AM »
During my time away I went through a rough period. Almost divorced. Started going to marriage and personal counseling. I am doing well all around. I am still not immune from issues - no one is - but I am learning and growing and all that happy horseshit :)
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"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2990 on: March 24, 2020, 08:31:51 AM »
I checked out the poem on depression on the first page and I was like, hey, there's a lot of people who've liked this post. Do we even have that many active members on the forum right now? Then I scrolled down and see the names of people who I have never known here, and finally noticed that I'm on the first page of the thread that was back in 2015, hahah.  ;D
Yes, so many - and you wouldn't believe the impact that had on me, at such a difficult time.
I'm not sure I've said this before, but I don't mind anymore: knowing I had so many people worried and caring about me, prevented me from a few instances of self-harm, almost as much as when I showed the light scars to a friend and she made me promise not to do it again.

All this to say to everybody: if you're ever in trouble, let us help, let yourself be helped :)

Wow. It's been five years.

It's amazing to me to reflect on how much I've changed in that time. I am so infinitely more at ease with myself. Which is, I think, what happiness is all about. People can have all sorts of success in life, achieving the things our culture tells us are desirable, and still be miserable underneath their mask. Because ultimately contentment is an emotion, and emotions come from within. And I have learned to live with myself.

I can still get frustrated or disappointed with factors in my life, but I am no longer my own enemy. And all the positive interactions I have had here have played their part in it. Openly discussing emotional/mental issues is a very important lesson our society simply can't learn fast enough.

And @ScarletBea: I'm glad all this has been helpful to you as well. Congratulations on feeling better.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline JMack

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2991 on: March 24, 2020, 10:57:21 AM »
I know there’s a separate Virus thread, but I’m here in this one to say just how much this thing is screwing with my emotions. Let me be clear: I am so fortunate that the idea of me whining is pretty ridiculous. I could list my blessings and go over the character limits for a forum post. Fine, given.

This sucks.
I veer between terrified for myself, my family, and vast swaths of society vs. a sort of numb “whatever happens we’ll deal with it” pseudo-calm. An infinity of worst-case scenarios unfolds in my imagination. Breadlines, riots, wars, and more. There is an argument that the financial impact is going to be more devastating than the illness (but that’s a discussion for the Virus thread). In any case, it’s the worry about financial impacts on everyone that have me whirling. And hungry, frustrated masses of people are not to be trusted with weapons.

(This is when it doesn’t serve one well to be a speculative fiction writer?)

All of this makes you ponder what’s really essential.
Quote
Because ultimately contentment is an emotion, and emotions come from within. And I have learned to live with myself.
And ultimately, I think, contentment also comes from living with others in emotional peace.
Heart is where the home is.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2020, 10:59:15 AM by JMack »
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Offline Cherie

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2992 on: March 24, 2020, 09:39:26 PM »
My anxiety has been running rough shod over me in the last 24 hours. I had to watch Boris' update last night whereas I've not watched any of the previous ones, something in my subconscious knew this one was going to be important. It was, and it made for a Really Bad night. My brain decided to fixate on my mortgage application appointment on Friday, and offered me every single damn scenario possible, including being stopped on the way to it and bring arrested!

Also, with lack of sleep over a couple of nights, probably not eating as well as I should, plus anxiety induced digestive... side effects... I was feeling rotten before. So put together tiredness, a headache, the sore throat I usually get when I've not been drinking enough, and I also spent half the night convinced I would die from the virus. I was planning that I'd need to take my pin lock off my phone and laptop...

Thankfully, a phone call to the bank this morning confirmed that they'll do the mortgage application over the phone instead. That being my main worry over the last week, I feel a lot better. Still worried over absolutely everything else, but hey, small victories.
« Last Edit: March 25, 2020, 09:02:25 PM by Cherie »

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2993 on: March 24, 2020, 09:51:14 PM »
hey, small victories.
Indeed!
Try deep breathing, or turning on the light and reading or something, when you're having those thoughts.
Be strong x
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Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2994 on: March 25, 2020, 03:49:07 AM »
I veer between terrified for myself, my family, and vast swaths of society vs. a sort of numb “whatever happens we’ll deal with it” pseudo-calm. An infinity of worst-case scenarios unfolds in my imagination. Breadlines, riots, wars, and more. There is an argument that the financial impact is going to be more devastating than the illness (but that’s a discussion for the Virus thread). In any case, it’s the worry about financial impacts on everyone that have me whirling. And hungry, frustrated masses of people are not to be trusted with weapons.

A good friend is a doctor in the Detroit area. He asked me to tell him how to be brave, how to overcome fear. Of course, this is a great honor, to be confided in, to be trusted to be honest, and most of all, to be considered brave enough to answer. He is a new father; his daughter is perhaps a month old. He is at risk of exposure and has conditions that could lead to a difficult time if/when he gets it.

I told him to acknowledge that he is afraid, and that being afraid is a sensible thing. I told him to keep busy and never pause. I told him to steel himself and develop a sense of cigar-chomping bravado, to be shameless in referencing literature and film for examples. I told him to use mantras to strengthen his courage "Fear is the mind-killer..." and to employ them without shame. More than anything else, I told him to focus on others and their fear, to convince himself that he is stronger than they are, and that they need him, to remember that he is surrounded by the weak, and that they needed him to be strong. Strength for the self limited; strength for someone else is an entirely different and more powerful thing.

I told him "Remember that you are serving and defending those who cannot defend themselves. You are their protector, the sentinel in the dark watches of the night. It is you who stands between harm and the helpless." It worked for me, and I am no braver than anyone else. Perhaps it will work for you.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline S. K. Inkslinger

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2995 on: March 25, 2020, 01:31:46 PM »
My best friend, who is studying abroad in Malaysia, is sick with some illness which I'm not sure if it's the coronavirus. He's stuck in his apartment all by himself with no one else during this quarantine season, and I just hope he's alright. I'm sending him all the prayers and well wishes, I guess.


Edit: Seemed that I worried too much. He's better now, peobably not corona. All the best.

Offline Cherie

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2996 on: March 25, 2020, 09:07:25 PM »
Edit: Seemed that I worried too much. He's better now, peobably not corona. All the best.
No such thing as too much when it comes to people you care about.


Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2997 on: March 27, 2020, 02:25:51 PM »
Just had a little cry :'(
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Offline Magnus Hedén

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2998 on: March 27, 2020, 02:39:52 PM »
I'm just starting to realise that if I'm going to get through this I have to keep busy. If I stop and start thinking too much, I just end up in speculation-land which serves no purpose -- or I browse for the latest news and takes, which doesn't help either because I basically know everything I need to: it will stay this way for the foreseeable future.

So I have to get into a productive routine. Do my exercises, my meditation, but also just get to work with whatever's in front of me. There's no lack of tasks, so that's not the problem. I just need to accept the situation and start finding the new normal.

Bea: hugs.
« Last Edit: March 27, 2020, 04:44:19 PM by Magnus Hedén »
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Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2999 on: March 27, 2020, 02:58:47 PM »
Thanks.
I ended up doing a quick video-call with a friend.
It's just weird because I've been doing fine...

And yes, having a routine is really helping me. Keep on working.
Good luck.
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