Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel

[S. K. Inkslinger]

Thank you so much for the support, guys. I'm regularly visiting my psychiatrist every month and religiously taking my bipolar medications. I'm getting better but still not completely healed yet, so there are still days when I had quite ups and downs. I'm feeling much better today though, from everyone's kind words, hahah. 

[ScarletBea]

Oh that's good to hear
*more hugs for Inky*

Everyone has their bad days, and it's great that we have this space to come unload our dark thoughts (I know I've used this thread enough for that purpose!) - thanks so much to everyone for contributing and sharing

[S. K. Inkslinger]

Not sure if this belongs here but,

My hobbies nowadays consisted of me checking my emails at least a hundred times per day hoping to see answers to my query letters, an disappointment when I do see one. (I got rejected, of course) Other than that it's imagining myself in situations where my book became famous, which is impossible. Hahah *sigh*

[isos81]

Not sure if this belongs here but,

My hobbies nowadays consisted of me checking my emails at least a hundred times per day hoping to see answers to my query letters, an disappointment when I do see one. (I got rejected, of course) Other than that it's imagining myself in situations where my book became famous, which is impossible. Hahah *sigh*

Kickboxing made me feel better. How is your Muay Thai going? Maybe working on your martial art skills might make you feel better, too?

[ScarletBea]

Sometimes we have to consciously get away from situations and things we do that are harming us. It's difficult because it's become a habit, but then I realise that what I feel afterwards isn't very nice, so I've been trying... but  oh so difficult

For me it's reading some people's twitters - about 95% of them make me angry and annoyed and seeing the world through a very negative lens, so I'm trying not to read at all (since I can't know which ones are 'nice' before reading)

[S. K. Inkslinger]

Not sure if this belongs here but,

My hobbies nowadays consisted of me checking my emails at least a hundred times per day hoping to see answers to my query letters, an disappointment when I do see one. (I got rejected, of course) Other than that it's imagining myself in situations where my book became famous, which is impossible. Hahah *sigh*

Kickboxing made me feel better. How is your Muay Thai going? Maybe working on your martial art skills might make you feel better, too?

I'm currently doing my Muay Thai too. Every time after I've finished the session I truly felt amazing, and I think I wouldn't be able to cope so well without it, haha. 

Sometimes we have to consciously get away from situations and things we do that are harming us. It's difficult because it's become a habit, but then I realise that what I feel afterwards isn't very nice, so I've been trying... but  oh so difficult

For me it's reading some people's twitters - about 95% of them make me angry and annoyed and seeing the world through a very negative lens, so I'm trying not to read at all (since I can't know which ones are 'nice' before reading)

It's the same for me, haha, reading people's facebooks and twitters (especially one coming from literary agents, no less) sometimes gave me bad vibes, and I'd just often unfollow those sources.

[Eli_Freysson]

I'm not sure what's going on with me this evening. The notion has been creeping up on me that I need to be more socially active, as safe and comfortable as the rut I've made for myself may be. Disappointment fatigue has held me back.

But that crafts place I spent some time at last spring has opened for the winter, and today I made myself some fingerless gloves out of leftover materials. And I've been looking into my options, including archery and karate, while also angsting over fitting either in with university and writing.

(I tend to stress out way too much over time and schedule-related things)

I spend the evening further exploring my options and ruminating and down a bit of a rabbit hole of negativity, feeling that familiar old panic over the prospect of situations I don't have the manual for. Then somehow I just... calmed down. And suddenly I'm feeling fairly optimistic and actually WANT to take some emotional risks. Currently I feel like doing a bit of an experimental phase for the rest of the year, before hopefully settling on something come January.

I have no idea where this is all going, and it's kind of weird.

[Eclipse]

Three nights of interrupted sleep always between 2.00 and 4.00 am mostly. Damn it and once awake I can’t back to sleep at all easily I’ve tried reading and listening to radio 

Even tried to alter my breathing and counting to 5 while wiggling my toes this sometimes works not tonight through.

[ScarletBea]

Another trick I have is to work all your muscles at once (make yourself a hard board), hold that for a few seconds, then relax completely, make your body all soft. Do this a couple of times, I notice sleep becomes easier afterwards (doesn't work 100% of the time, though)

And Eli, nice to see your 'turned corner'

I've been getting angry and annoyed randomly, without specific causes (or disproportionally to the cause). I need to realise what I can and can't control again.

[S. K. Inkslinger]

Good luck to everyone here. Hope you get well soon, Eclipse, not being able to sleep made me really cranky and tired during the day. Maybe try drinking warm milk/ chamomile tea? I hope your mood improves, Scarlet, sometimes I had days when I'm just irritated at everything too. I usually just try to went back to my room and became better after the stimuli from outside had lessened.

[Magnus Hedén]

Three nights of interrupted sleep always between 2.00 and 4.00 am mostly. Damn it and once awake I can’t back to sleep at all easily I’ve tried reading and listening to radio 

Even tried to alter my breathing and counting to 5 while wiggling my toes this sometimes works not tonight through.

I've been meditating regularly for a few years now, and one of the (many) things it has helped me with is dealing with those annoying times when I wake up in the middle of the night and don't feel like going back to sleep will be possible at all. I start meditating (focusing on my breath passing through my nose). One of the phases of the meditating mind is basically exactly the same as the one when you're going to sleep -- you're awake but dreamlike images keep popping up in your mind's eye. So instead of maintaining meditative focus when my thoughts begin to stray, I allow myself to drift off. It's been incredibly effective so far (but of course,  I doubt I had been able to do it without a fair bit of experience with meditation).

And while I'm ringing the meditation bell, I might as well add that regular meditation has been such a huge help for me in the long term that it's easily the single biggest contributor to my much more stable state of mind and body today. It's helped me with my anxiety in depression, with my focus, with my inability to get started with tasks, with my procrastination, with keeping up an exercise habit, building habits in general, and more. I do 20+ minutes on a normal day, but when I started out I did only a few minutes -- always start small.

There are lots of types of meditation, but today I use vipassana. If like me you're not into the mysticism, I can recommend the book Mindfulness in Plain English, which is 99% secular and down-to-earth. It describes the techniques you can use and little else (except for telling you to be nice to everyone, which I'm okay with ).

[S. K. Inkslinger]

Three nights of interrupted sleep always between 2.00 and 4.00 am mostly. Damn it and once awake I can’t back to sleep at all easily I’ve tried reading and listening to radio 

Even tried to alter my breathing and counting to 5 while wiggling my toes this sometimes works not tonight through.

I've been meditating regularly for a few years now, and one of the (many) things it has helped me with is dealing with those annoying times when I wake up in the middle of the night and don't feel like going back to sleep will be possible at all. I start meditating (focusing on my breath passing through my nose). One of the phases of the meditating mind is basically exactly the same as the one when you're going to sleep -- you're awake but dreamlike images keep popping up in your mind's eye. So instead of maintaining meditative focus when my thoughts begin to stray, I allow myself to drift off. It's been incredibly effective so far (but of course,  I doubt I had been able to do it without a fair bit of experience with meditation).

And while I'm ringing the meditation bell, I might as well add that regular meditation has been such a huge help for me in the long term that it's easily the single biggest contributor to my much more stable state of mind and body today. It's helped me with my anxiety in depression, with my focus, with my inability to get started with tasks, with my procrastination, with keeping up an exercise habit, building habits in general, and more. I do 20+ minutes on a normal day, but when I started out I did only a few minutes -- always start small.

There are lots of types of meditation, but today I use vipassana. If like me you're not into the mysticism, I can recommend the book Mindfulness in Plain English, which is 99% secular and down-to-earth. It describes the techniques you can use and little else (except for telling you to be nice to everyone, which I'm okay with ).

Hey I'm also doing vipassana meditation myself!  I've been listening to this really great venerable monk teacher, venerable Pramote Pamojjo. It's been helping me control my temper massively during these past few years and I'd probably already have been in some bad places already if not for these teachings. Maybe I could send you the link to his videos sometimes, hahah.

[ScarletBea]

Yesterday I saw a play based on Matt Haig's book Reasons to stay alive.
It's an amazing small book that tells the story of his journey through depression, and I found lots of things to relate to. If you have the chance to read it, please do so!

The play was very well done, and made me quite emotional at times...

Tomorrow I'm going to the hospital for a test. It'll only take half an hour, but it needs to be done under general anaesthetic, so I'm a tiny bit nervous.
It's a normal thing that many people have it with just local anaesthetic, but I tried and couldn't do it
And a faffle: I'm not supposed to be alone for 24 hours after the anaesthetic, so I had to ask a friend to come sleep in my spare room

[Bender]

I'm planning to get my dentist put me under for upcoming extraction. Local just doesn't cut it.

Either way, I'm not looking forward to it and have postponed it already many times. Perhaps one final postponment...hmmmm 

[ScarletBea]

Tomorrow I'm going to the hospital for a test. It'll only take half an hour, but it needs to be done under general anaesthetic, so I'm a tiny bit nervous.
It's a normal thing that many people have it with just local anaesthetic, but I tried and couldn't do it
And a faffle: I'm not supposed to be alone for 24 hours after the anaesthetic, so I had to ask a friend to come sleep in my spare room

All went well, no pain!
I woke up relatively quickly, and then spent the rest of the day having odd naps... I slept from 7 to 11.30 and now I'm wide awake, hehe

Bender, wow! Good luck, you know best