August 25, 2019, 04:51:18 PM

Author Topic: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel  (Read 250230 times)

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2760 on: July 01, 2019, 06:11:31 PM »
^ I love xia's reply, and it's better than anything I might attempt to say, so I just say this :)
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Offline Bender

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2761 on: July 01, 2019, 06:56:28 PM »
Just what does one do with the ugly parts of the past?

Face it. Put it behind.

I had a similar nostalgic moment some years ago. I came out a better man for it, though the event itself was painful. I mentally replayed it and picked things I could have done better or simply just let go as I couldn't influence them.

Now that event doesn't bother me. Even if it comes up, I can nod, smile and push it away.

No
Not all those who wander are lost

Online Magnus Hedén

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2762 on: July 01, 2019, 07:37:20 PM »
Seconding what xiagan said, with an appropriate addition from the world of Fantasy.

I recently reread The Earthsea Quartet, and among many other things the books contain the answer of how to deal with our darker side (something that completely passed me by the first time I read it). LeGuin was deep into Taoist philosophy, something that shines through in her books.

Some spoilers for Earthsea Quartet below.

Spoiler for Hiden:
Ged and the shadow are an analogy of us and our dark side: our bad memories, our bad actions. In a foolish act as a young man, he releases the shadow upon the world. Then he ignores it, but that only makes it stronger. Trying to ignore your dark side makes it fester. Then he begins chasing after it. He means to destroy it, but chasing after it only seems to goad it on. Trying to destroy your darkness makes it stronger. But then he recognises the truth: the shadow's true name is Ged; the shadow is him. Once he speaks the shadow's true name, it becomes a part of him again. Accepting that the darkness is there is the only way to have power over it. Seeing it, naming it, accepting it. Moving on, knowing it will always be there, ready to escape again if we let our guard down.

Or that's my interpretation, anyway. I thoroughly look forward to re-reading the books again in another decade or so. Maybe I'll find another new story.
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Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2763 on: July 09, 2019, 08:58:04 AM »
I bought a new pair of shoes the other day. My cats have, of course, taken a liking to the box.  :)

I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline Eclipse

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2764 on: July 11, 2019, 07:53:33 AM »
This came on my Facebook feed

I’m not as bad as this but I can relate to it. Anxiety sucks I hope you know I find it hard to overcome sometimes and to post. I do feel comfortable here.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tfs8Gk4uM8k
« Last Edit: July 11, 2019, 07:58:36 AM by Eclipse »
According to some,* heroic deaths are admirable things

* Generally those who don't have to do it.Politicians and writers spring to mind

Jonathan Stroud:Ptolmy's Gate

Offline S. K. Inkslinger

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2765 on: July 16, 2019, 04:28:55 AM »
About a month back I left medical school for the second and last time of my life, and now I'm writing a book in my own language about my own struggles and experiences as a medical student abroad. It's helping me really a lot in this long route of recovery from my mental illness and in expressing my pent-up thoughts and feelings. It's my ultimate goal to be able to advise people from the errors I've made, so that they wouldn't have to waste their time and struggle as I have in the past. 

Apologies that I only posted here rarely, and only when I had my own issues. I've always had a lot of trouble opening up to people in the past up until now, and I guess I'm probably learning to express my inner thoughts and feelings more, at least in writing.  :)

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2766 on: July 16, 2019, 08:04:07 AM »
Inky, there's nothing to apologise for!
Every person is different, and while some benefit from sharing, others feel more comfortable on their own (or sharing in talking with a person 'live').

I'm glad you found a way to make sense of your situation - even if it doesn't get published, I bet it will have done you quite good to write it in the first place.
*hugs*
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Offline S. K. Inkslinger

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2767 on: July 17, 2019, 03:11:24 AM »
Thank you so much Scarlet *hugs back* It's only after writing that I realized that despite the fact that I'm too shy and closed up to share my stories verbally, writing it out made me feel much much better. It's a tale I've always wanted to tell to someone, but I haven't found the means until now.

Online Magnus Hedén

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2768 on: July 17, 2019, 12:53:24 PM »
So I just had basically a full week of social interactions. Being a massive introvert, I expected to be mentally put out for several days or maybe even the rest of the week, but after one day I'm actually feeling way better than expected. A couple of years ago, my current mental state would have been "vacant" and all my effort would be spent getting back to normal and staying vigilant that my state of low energy didn't sidle into a depressive episode. But yesterday I not only managed to recover quite well, but also did some stuff around the house and got some reading done. I had zero expectations on that day except for resting up.

My many years of building positive habits and learning to read the signs of my mind are beginning to pay off. It certainly hasn't been easy, but it's important to remember that all that effort pays off. I still work on mindfulness, vigilance, and prevention nearly every day, but each little trick and method slowly becomes a habit and requires less energy. I know it will never go away completely, but it's good to know that it does, slowly, get easier.
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Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2769 on: July 18, 2019, 12:21:24 AM »
So I just had basically a full week of social interactions. Being a massive introvert, I expected to be mentally put out for several days or maybe even the rest of the week, but after one day I'm actually feeling way better than expected...

I've been reflecting a bit lately, and I feel in some ways my development has been the opposite.

I'm much more reluctant to engage in social situations, but at the same time I don't feel as lonely as before. I generally avoid any family gatherings or other get-togethers that take place outside of town, and many of the ones that don't. And when I do attend something, out of a sense of obligation or whatever, I don't stay long.

I don't try to go out to meet people, and I stay away from festivals and whatnot.

I'm just over it all, I guess. I've tried and tried and tried, and it's always the same way: My brain isn't designed to handle the stimuli, or the unfamiliar and chaotic proceedings, and I am terrible at socialising.

So I just don't bother.

But at the same time I would describe myself as pretty happy. I think maybe it has to do with my other successes, and generally improved ability to live with myself. I've seen other autists complain of an eventual burnout with socialisation, but I feel maybe I've just come to accept the way that I am, and that I have different needs than most people, and limited social contact no longer feels like a failure.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2770 on: July 19, 2019, 03:01:35 PM »
Interesting, it just goes to show how everyone is different, even under the same general label of "introvert".

Myself, if I'm with people all day, I need to be alone in the evening to recharge. When my parents were visiting me and staying at my home, I'd escape to my room when we arrived after a day sightseeing, and then again around 9pm, see you tomorrow, hehe

I've been sleeping really poorly lately. My body alternates between freezing and burning for several hours in the evening/at night and I can't seem to find a good middle ground that allows me to relax. I don't know if it's a new/more extreme side effect of the medication deciding to start now, or if it's because I've been having a bit of a cold (but no fever) - anyway, the reason doesn't affect the result. I do hope I'm able to sleep today, at least it's the weekend now.
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Offline S. K. Inkslinger

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2771 on: July 20, 2019, 04:26:07 AM »
Interesting, it just goes to show how everyone is different, even under the same general label of "introvert".

Myself, if I'm with people all day, I need to be alone in the evening to recharge. When my parents were visiting me and staying at my home, I'd escape to my room when we arrived after a day sightseeing, and then again around 9pm, see you tomorrow, hehe

I've been sleeping really poorly lately. My body alternates between freezing and burning for several hours in the evening/at night and I can't seem to find a good middle ground that allows me to relax. I don't know if it's a new/more extreme side effect of the medication deciding to start now, or if it's because I've been having a bit of a cold (but no fever) - anyway, the reason doesn't affect the result. I do hope I'm able to sleep today, at least it's the weekend now.

I'm totally totally (with emphasis) this type of introvert. We could be twins, Scarlet!  ;D

And about your sleep problems, apologies if I haven't been following the thread up until now, but which kind of medications are you taking and for what condition? In case I could look it up for side effects and stuff.  Maybe it had something to do with altering your hormones (estrogen) and thus gave you hot flushes as a result.

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2772 on: July 20, 2019, 08:15:16 AM »
And about your sleep problems, apologies if I haven't been following the thread up until now, but which kind of medications are you taking and for what condition? In case I could look it up for side effects and stuff.  Maybe it had something to do with altering your hormones (estrogen) and thus gave you hot flushes as a result.
Yep, that's the main reason. I'm taking Tamoxifen as hormone therapy for breast cancer, another attempt to prevent it returning.
I've been taking it for 2.5 years now (I'm basically halfway), and the side effects come and go. I'll totally admit that they were worse in the beginning, but there's still lots - hot flushes, night sweats, muscle cramps, higher hunger feeling, hard to lose weight, ...
Thing is, they're not happening all day and the alternative is worse, so I usually don't complain. Until it all gets a bit much, I have a self-pitying time, then pick myself up and continue living normally :) this is the self-pitying time, thanks for letting me do it ;)
« Last Edit: July 20, 2019, 03:15:22 PM by ScarletBea »
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Offline S. K. Inkslinger

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2773 on: July 21, 2019, 04:53:06 AM »
And about your sleep problems, apologies if I haven't been following the thread up until now, but which kind of medications are you taking and for what condition? In case I could look it up for side effects and stuff.  Maybe it had something to do with altering your hormones (estrogen) and thus gave you hot flushes as a result.
Yep, that's the main reason. I'm taking Tamoxifen as hormone therapy for breast cancer, another attempt to prevent it returning.
I've been taking it for 2.5 years now (I'm basically halfway), and the side effects come and go. I'll totally admit that they were worse in the beginning, but there's still lots - hot flushes, night sweats, muscle cramps, higher hunger feeling, hard to lose weight, ...
Thing is, they're not happening all day and the alternative is worse, so I usually don't complain. Until it all gets a bit much, I have a self-pitying time, then pick myself up and continue living normally :) this is the self-pitying time, thanks for letting me do it ;)

Go go Scarlet! Express all your emotions on us as much as you like, as friends, we are here to listen to your hard and troubling times after all.  :D Never lose hope, tomorrow is going to be better!

I only wished that I would be able to express myself in this way too, hahah. I kept too much bottled in nowadays.

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2774 on: August 01, 2019, 04:25:37 PM »
I'm having a strange day, well, afternoon: revenge on food, as I had a bun from the Yorkshire Day event, a cookie from a colleague who's leaving, a rice cake from my drawer and a chocolate bar that a colleague/friend gave me when she saw me eyeing the vending machine trying to be strong...
Argh.

I've got Pilates class in an hour, but that won't burn all those calories...

I'm also trying very hard not to give up on going to Leeds Pride on Sunday, my company's got a small group at the parade and I'm one of the very few that lives nearby. I don't really know anyone and I keep trying to bolt, but I know it will be fun and nice to meet people, and I'll regret it if I don't go, so there's an internal struggle...
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