May 25, 2019, 08:56:11 AM

Author Topic: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel  (Read 230705 times)

Online Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2670 on: February 22, 2019, 07:51:19 PM »
Ohmygawd! I love that! :D

You know, I think that hugs/physical contact is so important for good health. Sometimes I feel the need super acutely, and I lay on my sofa watching TV with my arms around myself, feeling the pressure as a comfort.
You non-single people don't realise how good you have it...

I want a hug now......

Yeah.

I have a lifelong habit of, whenever I sit in a living room sofa, to grab a pillow and keep it in my lap in a semi-hug. I never even thought of it until dad commented on it about ten years ago. I wonder if it relates to this, and how little touch I get... partly due to only being able to stomach it when I'm in a particular mood.

Of course, these days I have two cats in the house...
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline JMack

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2671 on: February 23, 2019, 01:46:21 PM »
Hi, everyone. I’ve been away, haven’t I? And now things have taken a turn: my Dad, who’s been on a deep slide into Parkinson’s disease is now in hospital with a stroke, brain bleeding, and brain damage from a fall. The percent chance to recover any awareness is put in the low single digits. His wife wants all measures taken to give him that chance, but even if he regains some awareness, there’s the brain damage. So I choose to see him as gone. Which also means I won’t get in his wife’s way. If she wants to give hope a chance, that’s OK.

In the least important part of this post, I’ll miss writing a contest story this month for the first time since November ‘14.

Hold your parents close if they’re still around. At age 57, I have to get used to the idea that they’ll move on at some point. And then it will be my turn. So discover joy everywhere, if and when you can.
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)
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Online ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2672 on: February 23, 2019, 02:25:54 PM »
Oh, I'm so sorry, John
*hugs*

I'm thinking about this more and more, you're so right

And you can get a honorary participation badge, it's a perfectly justifiable reason for skipping...
« Last Edit: February 23, 2019, 02:36:36 PM by ScarletBea »
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Offline Justan Henner

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2673 on: February 23, 2019, 02:35:48 PM »
Sorry to hear it, John. My condolences.

Offline Rostum

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2674 on: February 23, 2019, 07:53:19 PM »
John I wish I had the words to make the slightest difference, but whatever happens it will be a horrible helpless path. Your Father, Family and Self are in my thoughts and the comfort that your father and family can take is that they are surrounded by good people who love and care for them.

Online Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2675 on: February 23, 2019, 08:51:13 PM »
I'm sorry, JMack. That's all I can say.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline Magnus Hedén

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2676 on: February 23, 2019, 09:05:01 PM »
Hm. I was browsing Youtube videos and came across a comment someone left about the anime character Shinji Ikari:

Shinji: Puts stick inside bicycle wheel and falls
Shinji: Everyone hates me.

It's an offhanded joke about a character most famous for being miserable, but I feel there's a certain truth in it about people. We have a talent for creating our own unhappiness.

The Seneca quote that made me read his writings was "We suffer more in imagination than in reality," which I believe is in the same vein: we worsen our own suffering by repeating it to ourselves in our heads. The Stoics didn't get everything right (no one ever does), but there's a lot of wisdom there. I can't decide if it's comforting or disturbing that two thousand years ago the problems we had individually and as a society are essentially the same, despite massive shifts in technology and culture.
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Online Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2677 on: February 23, 2019, 10:10:31 PM »
Hm. I was browsing Youtube videos and came across a comment someone left about the anime character Shinji Ikari:

Shinji: Puts stick inside bicycle wheel and falls
Shinji: Everyone hates me.

It's an offhanded joke about a character most famous for being miserable, but I feel there's a certain truth in it about people. We have a talent for creating our own unhappiness.

The Seneca quote that made me read his writings was "We suffer more in imagination than in reality," which I believe is in the same vein: we worsen our own suffering by repeating it to ourselves in our heads. The Stoics didn't get everything right (no one ever does), but there's a lot of wisdom there. I can't decide if it's comforting or disturbing that two thousand years ago the problems we had individually and as a society are essentially the same, despite massive shifts in technology and culture.

We've been discussing Socrates and the other ancient Greek thinkers in university lately, and yes, the basic problems remain the same.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline ArcaneArtsVelho

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2678 on: February 24, 2019, 09:56:33 AM »
Sorry to hear about your father, Jmack.  :(
Everything I wrote above is pure conjecture. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm a perfectionist but not very good at anything. That's why I rarely finish things.

Offline JMack

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2679 on: February 28, 2019, 04:51:52 AM »
Thanks everyone for poets and PMs.  No change for my dad at this point.
But to add insult to injury, my mother-in-law of 34 years is about to pass away after 8 years in Alzheimer’s. My wife and her 3 siblings are gathered round watching pneumonia and sepsis make a slow march through her body.

I just hope things work out for both my dad and my wife’s mom with a minimum of discomfort for them, and peace for us all.
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)
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Offline tebakutis

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2680 on: February 28, 2019, 04:57:26 PM »
Thanks everyone for poets and PMs.  No change for my dad at this point.
But to add insult to injury, my mother-in-law of 34 years is about to pass away after 8 years in Alzheimer’s. My wife and her 3 siblings are gathered round watching pneumonia and sepsis make a slow march through her body.

I just hope things work out for both my dad and my wife’s mom with a minimum of discomfort for them, and peace for us all.

Sorry to hear about all of this, Jmack. My parents are both healthy (thus far) but have each reached retirement age (65+!), while my wife's parents are in their 70s. We will be dealing with similar issues very soon on both sides of the family, and I'm not looking forward to it.

One thing my Mom recently said to me (after caring for my grandmother for several years as she suffered through several very bad setbacks and a great deal of stressful, and ultimately fruitless, therapy) is that we have an industry in the US that is set up to prolong life as long as possible, regardless of the quality of that life. She witnessed my grandmother repeatedly being encouraged to endure painful rehabilitation, even in her 90s, that ultimately left her stressed out, confused, and in pain, all with the goal of extending her life an extra year or so (and, by extension, sapping as much of her money as possible to retirement homes, doctors, and insurance).

As my mother reported it, when they FINALLY exhausted the last remedy, my grandmother spent her last two weeks in hospice care, where all efforts were made to make her comfortable and none were made to prolong her already long life. She passed peacefully and in no pain, and by my Mom's account was far more happy and content.

Given this experience, my Mom has already been very clear that she will not accept the same sort of care at the end of her life. When she begins to decline, she has made it very clear that she wishes to be put into hospice care, made as comfortable as possible for however long is necessary, and allowed to pass naturally without enduring years of expensive treatments and painful (and ultimately fruitless) physical therapy that will also drain the finances she wants to leave behind for us. This makes a great deal of sense to me, and I will probably choose the same route for myself when I finally advance into old age.

I'm not telling you this to suggest any course of action, just offering what I hope is some similar life experiences. Even having only met you once, I wish you and your family all the best in dealing with this painful time.

Online ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2681 on: February 28, 2019, 06:17:44 PM »
I agree with your mum too, Eric!

On minor news, in the last months I always feel hungry, even if I've recently finished eating, something that didn't use to happen. I've also just managed to lose a bit of the extra weight I put on when I was in Portugal in November, when it used to take me just a couple of weeks to get back to normal. Super annoying.

I decided to investigate a bit more, and guess what: appetite (the idea of) is controlled by oestrogen! And of course, for the last 2 years I've been killing all oestrogen in my body, so my poor brain thinks that I'm always needing food >:(
I read a couple of tips on how to handle it, but there's nothing much: eat super slowly, munch a lot, have healthier snacks to hand.
Cancer, the gift that keeps on giving ::) (I know I should be more grateful that I only have to contend with smaller things, and I am, but it doesn't stop me feeling annoyed...)
« Last Edit: February 28, 2019, 06:20:24 PM by ScarletBea »
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Online Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2682 on: February 28, 2019, 07:10:31 PM »
Again, all I can is that I'm sorry, @JMack. And those are some interesting observations, @tebakutis.

If I may speak of myself for a moment: A few weeks ago I reported that I've come to realise a certain long-term lethargy and listlessness in myself. I've decided I've isolated myself too much for too long. I've been a bit too occupied with cutting myself off from input and chaos. I've decided to get out of the house more, and try new things, finally.

There is a dance studio a walking distance from where I live, and they have classes for adults on Wednesday evenings. I think I might give it a try, even though I'm stiff and inelegant. And even though I can only buy a full season, and only about ten weeks are left.

I'm also looking into various brief courses at a craft's centre (claymaking, glass melting, mosaic making, clothes making, wood carving...), and I've picked out two I'll probably join.

If nothing else I'll at least have learned something new, and met a few new people, if only briefly.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Online Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2683 on: March 04, 2019, 07:19:01 PM »
Okay, you know what? I've made up my mind: I'm going to attend those weekly dance studio classes. I'll just be dumping myself straight into a class that's halfway done, and I'll be stiff and awkward. But whatever. I'll just joke about myself. And I'll be trying something new, and getting a feel for whether I should attend a full season next fall.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline Rostum

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2684 on: March 05, 2019, 07:02:57 AM »
Good for you,