April 25, 2019, 05:50:11 AM

Author Topic: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel  (Read 222391 times)

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2655 on: February 10, 2019, 07:57:35 PM »
I'm sorry you feel like that, Eli
*hugs*
I hope things get better soon.

I know it's probably a silly question, but could it be the weather, the long dark winter? Have you noticed this in past years?
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Offline Magnus Hedén

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2656 on: February 10, 2019, 11:46:10 PM »
I'm not sure what to make of my emotional state lately. I'm not miserable, I'm just sort of... lethargic. Numb.

I've been avoiding social gatherings for quite a while, and I guess I put the blame on weariness with my input problems. I CAN enjoy myself at gatherings, but if I stay long enough I inevitably get irritated. And if I'm not there with people I know I inevitably just sort of hang around and don't say much. I feel lately I've been concluding that it's just not worth it and that I'm better off just staying in my comfortable little bubble, mostly by myself. I don't really do anything to risk that sensory irritation because I'm just so tired of it.

I also feel I'm getting fairly indifferent to university. I still show up and do the assignments, but at low energy.

This is even extending to my writing. I'm nearing the end of third in my latest series, and it could be due to losing passion with a project I have worked on for so long.

But I don't really know what to identify as the overall problem.

While a lot of people associate depression with immense sadness or unhappiness, for many sufferers it's actually more of a disconnect (Andrew Solomon aptly describes it as the opposite of vitality), and a pervasive indifference can be a warning sign. It is for me; when I start feeling like nothing -- good or bad -- matters, I know I need to be more careful and start activating my coping mechanisms, or it might get worse. Now I can't say whether that's what you're going through, but maybe the knowledge can help you figure things out.
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Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2657 on: February 11, 2019, 07:57:20 AM »
While a lot of people associate depression with immense sadness or unhappiness, for many sufferers it's actually more of a disconnect (Andrew Solomon aptly describes it as the opposite of vitality), and a pervasive indifference can be a warning sign.
Second, third and more this!
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Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2658 on: February 11, 2019, 08:30:29 PM »
My original post almost included "it's not that I feel depressed..." But I think I'm reconsidering.

I need to grab this by the horns and pull myself together.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2659 on: February 11, 2019, 09:15:22 PM »
I need to grab this by the horns and pull myself together.
If it is depression, then you might not be able to 'pull yourself together' without help, you know. It doesn't depend on will-power...
Maybe see a doctor?
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Offline J.R. Darewood

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2660 on: February 12, 2019, 12:01:40 AM »
My original post almost included "it's not that I feel depressed..." But I think I'm reconsidering.

I need to grab this by the horns and pull myself together.

I can relate very much @Eli_Freysson

I have no advice but I do have a misheard lyrics video that's been cracking me up:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSBCaGRILJI

And hers some puppies:



Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2661 on: February 14, 2019, 04:34:18 AM »
Apparently, people who are raised in highly repressive environments never get a chance to fully evolve their emotional sensitivity - meaning that they have a hard time identifying just what emotion they're having. The result is that strong, specific emotions (fear, loathing, etc.) are experienced as fatigue and depression-like sadness. Not sure if that applies to anyone here, but perhaps some explorations will lead to enlightenment. Knowing that there's a rock in your shoe doesn't take away the pain, but it does stop you from thinking that the pain reflects something wrong with your foot. So to speak :)
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Offline J.R. Darewood

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2662 on: February 17, 2019, 11:04:12 AM »

Frustration:

* My car's speedometer is not working for the 4th time. It's been in the shop for two weeks.  I called the mechanic Fri and he said it was raining and then he got sick. His voice sounded like it was slurring so idk it could be his diabetes but probably he was drunk.  So no car.
* I pay 100$ to park in a dirt lot, which leaves my car perpetually covered in dirt.  Since I can't use my space I let my friend park there since he lets me borrow his car when I need it.  The officious old lady that hangs out in the parking lot accused him of being a gang member and said i can't have him use the key to the spot and lied about 3 people complaining to the lot owner.  (He'd parked his car there once and it was physically impossible that 3 people even saw him). So they made me take his car out.
* My kitchen is 2 burners and a sink in a tiny single unit.  The sink leaks out of the handle of the faucet every time I turn it on.  There's no space so i have to wash dishes as I cook, but when I do that water pours onto the burners, which is dangerous.  It leaks onto the floor.  it's a big leak.  I've been trying to get the landlord to fix it for like 6 months and he just won't do it
* the landlord just increased the price of laundry from 1$ to $1.50 to wash and 1.50 to dry.  There was only one dryer that actually dried and that seems to no longer be drying.  You have to run it twice to dry anything.  so that's basically 5$ in quarters to do one tiny load of laundry. It's actually really infuriating, like i basically have to go to the laundromat now.
* subway (the sandwich place) just changed their menu and everything is more expensive.
* my macbookPro has been held by these repair guys for 4 weeks.  i called them. They didn't know what was going on, then called me back to say that they can't get the hard drive working b/c the logiboard (motherboard) won't connect to any hard drive.  But they replaced the battery so i'm supposed to pay for the battery even though the damn thing won't boot up when it turns on.
* cookie ice cream sandwiches just went up from 5$ to 8$
* I  owe 800$ because I didn't have insurance last year
* I tried to get Medi-cal this year and they left a message saying I needed to call some number to provide documentation/additional "proof".  I called the number and it had a phone maze that took 20 min b4 I hung up.  I tried again and apparently if you just stay on the line after it tells you to hang up, it routes you to a person (who knew?).  After talking to a person they said they had no record of me and told me to call a different agency altogether.  i called that agency.  Another 20 min phone maze, which tells you to hang up.  i stayed on and reached someone who told me i needed to send them stuff, but our connection got bad so they hung up on me.  I called back, another 20 min phone maze and the person said no, I didn't need to send anything but I need to send stuff to the county.  I was like "that's not what the other person said" and they're like. "stop asking questions just call the county."  i called the county.  Another terrible phone maze, and when I finally reached someone they were super rude (which I suppose is to be expected as all people who work for the local govt are pretty awful, but it still pissed me off).
* I was supposed to teach a class in South America this summer. They have the kids submit an application (including passports, immunizations the whole nine yards) in one system, then they get a PIN from me to register in the college's system.  Me and the other instructor thought that we just needed 9 minimum in the first system, but I guess we needed 9 minimum in the second system.  We hadn't even approved anyone 3 days before the date that we needed our 9.  As soon as I found out, I approved everyone but my PIN wasn't working because IT problems.  It got fixed the day before our deadline.  We got 6 students.  They didn't deny us, but now I'm not even sure if we're going or not afterall it's insanely frustrating and I need the money I was going to get from the course :(

All of these things happened on Friday and I'm SO ANGRY. Plus the restitution checks I'm supposed to be getting stopped mysteriously so now i have to call the DA and i really just don't want to have to deal with anything else.

Offline xiagan

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2663 on: February 17, 2019, 12:13:51 PM »
Bradley, that sounds horrible. I would have smashed something, I think.
Did you think about setting everything on fire and start someplace else a new life?  :P

Do you have a long-term goal or plans? Because I think you can only endure so much shit if you know it a) won't be forever  and b) helps you achieving said goal.
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Offline J.R. Darewood

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2664 on: February 17, 2019, 12:19:18 PM »
Bradley, that sounds horrible. I would have smashed something, I think.
Did you think about setting everything on fire and start someplace else a new life?  :P

Do you have a long-term goal or plans? Because I think you can only endure so much shit if you know it a) won't be forever  and b) helps you achieving said goal.

I honestly feel like this kind of shit just follows you when in the United States (perhaps even the "developed" world in general. you just sort of hemorrhage money and get swallowed up by exploitation in the expensive countries).

I've been looking for long-term work outside of the US (preferably Latin America, but I wouldn't mind Europe or Africa) and just haven't been having any success at all. A lot of the bigger NGOs seem to be replacing their expat positions with local hires (my last interview with Oxfam was ages ago and they said I was the only Westerner they even considered interviewing, today the most interesting program positions at Oxfam and Amnesty and the like often say "must have the right to work in xyz country before applying"), and I haven't been able to break in.  And doing something remote (like writing) hasn't really panned out yet either.  I haven't figured it all out.

I've got some contacts in DC that might be able to get me a position with USAID but that's almost as awful as working for the World Bank.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2019, 12:24:30 PM by J.R. Darewood »

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2665 on: February 17, 2019, 12:54:33 PM »
Bradley, that sounds horrible. I would have smashed something, I think.
Did you think about setting everything on fire and start someplace else a new life?  :P

Do you have a long-term goal or plans? Because I think you can only endure so much shit if you know it a) won't be forever  and b) helps you achieving said goal.
This is my reaction too.
*big hugs to you*
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Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2666 on: February 18, 2019, 09:05:00 AM »
If anyone is feeling down today, here are some baby goats being silly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZ4ZuZthw7Q&t=31s
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2667 on: February 19, 2019, 08:12:32 PM »
Hm. I was browsing Youtube videos and came across a comment someone left about the anime character Shinji Ikari:

Shinji: Puts stick inside bicycle wheel and falls
Shinji: Everyone hates me.

It's an offhanded joke about a character most famous for being miserable, but I feel there's a certain truth in it about people. We have a talent for creating our own unhappiness.
« Last Edit: February 19, 2019, 08:45:41 PM by Eli_Freysson »
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2668 on: February 22, 2019, 06:35:29 PM »
I came across this image online.


I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2669 on: February 22, 2019, 07:33:58 PM »
Ohmygawd! I love that! :D

You know, I think that hugs/physical contact is so important for good health. Sometimes I feel the need super acutely, and I lay on my sofa watching TV with my arms around myself, feeling the pressure as a comfort.
You non-single people don't realise how good you have it...

I want a hug now......
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