October 16, 2018, 12:44:53 AM

Author Topic: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel  (Read 163110 times)

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2460 on: September 23, 2018, 04:44:15 AM »
It is not only a mercy, but a triumph not all achieve. I was there when my grandfather passed, holding his hand, and I am proud to have been the last person he saw and spoke to. At the moment of truth, he opened his eyes without seeming to see, sighed, and was still. I sat quietly with him for a moment, then went about the tasks that must be seen to. It is an honor to be in the presence of an old spirit as it departs. Or so I believe.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline ArcaneArtsVelho

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2461 on: September 23, 2018, 12:37:42 PM »
It may very well be mercy, but still...
I'm sorry for your loss, Eli.
Everything I wrote above is pure conjecture. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm a perfectionist but not very good at anything. That's why I rarely finish things.

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2462 on: September 26, 2018, 01:33:21 PM »
Been feeling meh :-\
And annoyed-ish.
And angry-ish.

No visible reason (or maybe the issues I've had with my water supply)

Deep breaths, and focus on good things...
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"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all" - Douglas Adams

Offline SugoiMe

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2463 on: September 26, 2018, 07:55:22 PM »
Count your blessings girl!

I totally woke up loathing to go to work this morning, but I have a 100% track record for getting through days like this so just keeping pressing on.
"And then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2464 on: September 30, 2018, 12:33:57 PM »
Hm.

I just watched a comedy skit on Youtube. A character has a realisation.

"I'm caught in a psychological prison of my own making."

I feel this kind of sums up the human race.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline JMack

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2465 on: September 30, 2018, 03:41:20 PM »
It is not only a mercy, but a triumph not all achieve. I was there when my grandfather passed, holding his hand, and I am proud to have been the last person he saw and spoke to. At the moment of truth, he opened his eyes without seeming to see, sighed, and was still. I sat quietly with him for a moment, then went about the tasks that must be seen to. It is an honor to be in the presence of an old spirit as it departs. Or so I believe.

One of the first posts I saw in my coming back to read what I’ve missed.
And what a wonderful one.
Thanks for sharing this, @The Gem Cutter 
What a really special experience.
« Last Edit: September 30, 2018, 04:05:24 PM by JMack »
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2466 on: October 02, 2018, 01:49:18 PM »
Something I did earlier, now in their site :)

https://www.breastcancerhaven.org.uk/mypowerhour

https://www.breastcancerhaven.org.uk/blog/beatrizs-story

(and please ignore the "proper woman" thing - I don't know what that means or why I said that, and it's annoying that out of a half hour chat they chose to pick that up ::)
Also, I didn't write the story.)
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"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all" - Douglas Adams

Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2467 on: October 05, 2018, 10:00:10 PM »
So I just got back from kistulagning, which is to say the final preparations before my grandmother's funeral tomorrow.

Her closest kin gathered in a a room in the retirement home, and given the size of my mother's family "closest" translated to fifty people, even with some not in attendance. The priest in charge of the funeral was quite good and used among other things a phrase my mother has been using since the passing. "The good summerland."

We gathered in a chapel that held the body in an open casket. The priest spoke some more, and then we each took turns walking over to the casket and making the sign of the cross.

I've only been to a handful of funerals in my life, and this is the one I've been most involved with. I've never attended kistulagning before. I've also never actually seen a dead body before, born and bred into pampered modern society that I am, and with open casket funerals not being a thing here.

It was interesting to see a familiar human face with that spark missing. Just an abandoned vessel.

Anyway, the casket was sealed, and some of us joined it on its ride to the church. It will wait before the altar until tomorrow, and the priest and the funeral manager discussed the proceedings. I will be one of the pall bearers from the hearse to the grave.

And tomorrow we wrap this thing up.

I had a little talk with my sister earlier, and it brought back memories of my grandparent's old place, and the way it seemed to perpetually smell of fresh baked pastries.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2468 on: October 06, 2018, 01:37:39 PM »
 From Seth Bodin:

Gloom (and doom)
Doom is inevitable. Gloom is optional.
Gloom has no positive effects on ameliorating doom.
Doom happens. Gloom is a choice.

I've been thinking about this in a way, remembering 2 years ago. Then, my key thought was "things will pass". I don't choose gloom.
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Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2469 on: October 06, 2018, 02:42:45 PM »
Such memories make you a rich man Eli, and you are acquiring more and more wisdom in the short time we've been acquainted. I believe you will come to a point where you look up and realize you're the person guiding others in more ways than you expect.
Your impressions of kistulagning reminded me of a favorite of mine from Peter Gabriel:
Spoiler for Hiden:
I grieve

It was only one hour ago
It was all so different then
Nothing yet has really sunk in
Looks like it always did
This flesh and bone
Is just the way that we are tied in
But there's no one home

I grieve, for you
You leave, me
So hard to move on
Still loving what's gone
They say life carries on
Carries on and on and on and on

The news that truly shocks
Is the empty, empty page
While the final rattle rocks
It's empty, empty cage
And I can't handle this
I grieve, for you
You leave, me
Let it out and move on
Missing what's gone
They say life carries on
They say life carries on and on and on

Life carries on in the people I meet
In everyone that's out on the street
In all the dogs and cats
In the flies and rats
In the rot and the rust
In the ashes and the dust
Life carries on and on and on and on

Just the car that we ride in
The home we reside in
The face that we hide in
The way we are tied in
As life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on

Did I dream this belief
Or did I believe this dream?
Now I will find relief
I grieve
« Last Edit: October 06, 2018, 02:48:51 PM by The Gem Cutter »
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2470 on: October 06, 2018, 02:59:14 PM »
I find myself, again, grappling with the topspin my upbringing put on me. I developed a strong sense of self and powerful ego because I was not what my parents expected or were prepared for and was continually measured against the wrong yard stick. The impact was the impression that I am less than I should be - so I compensated. But deep down, the issue is I believed this notion and other even more toxic ones. The result is, when I am not looking, I undermine myself and conduct a self-sabotage campaign. Why I am apparently trying to make the lie true, I'll never understand.

Perhaps I am the only one here whose most grievous emotional wounds came from those who were supposed to be the greatest source of their strength - but weren't. Ironic that this has led to my greatest advocate - myself - becoming another threat to monitor. This being human thing - not easy, at least for me. Not easy at all.
« Last Edit: October 06, 2018, 03:02:33 PM by The Gem Cutter »
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2471 on: October 06, 2018, 05:23:17 PM »
We're all here rooting for you Gem, you know that - I know it's strange, but what do you know, I care :)
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Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2472 on: October 06, 2018, 07:25:42 PM »
What Bea said, Gem. Also, thank you. Also also, that's a fine quote.

I just got back from the funeral itself. It was a very nice ceremony. Húsavík is a rather boring little town, but it has quite a pretty church, built in 1907. My grandmother planned her own funeral some years ago; the choice of music and psalms, and the priest gave quite a good summary of her life. The sons-in-law carried the casket into the hearse, and it led a convey to the cemetery. There I and seven other grandkids carried her the final distance to the grave. It was nice to be able to do this final service. The wind was bitingly cold and no one stayed for long.

After that we went to the convention centre for the erfidrykkja. It literally translates to "inheritance drinking", because matters of inheritance used to be discussed over drinks. Today it's been downgraded to a social occasion with cake and coffee.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2473 on: October 06, 2018, 10:01:47 PM »
Thanks for describing everything, Eli.
When my gran died I didn't go to the funeral, as in Portugal that happens the day after, it was too short notice to travel. I think what I missed the most was talking about her with people who knew her. I do it now, when I go there, but at the time I really felt that... Icelandic events seem to include space for that both before and after the funeral.
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Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2474 on: October 06, 2018, 10:59:25 PM »
Thanks for describing everything, Eli.
When my gran died I didn't go to the funeral, as in Portugal that happens the day after

Wow. That feels really rushed.

Yeah, I guess we take our time with it over here. Funerals are a very orderly, planned-out affair, and a few people even travelled from abroad to attend this one, including one of my sisters.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!