August 15, 2018, 05:26:16 PM

Author Topic: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel  (Read 150997 times)

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2160 on: March 17, 2018, 07:34:37 AM »
What a hard week! This morning we went to the Doctor and he confirms Mrs. Gem has skin cancer. Outstanding hospital and staff lay out a slew of appointments, including a routine stress test this afternoon to ensure she can undergo the excision of the malignancy. She goes and comes back and goes back to work. I didn't even ask how it went, because it was just a basic test, not one of the ones where they really stress you. You walk on a treadmill for a bit and they check your vitals. Turns out, she failed, apparently having an unknown heart problem. For the first time In 27 years, I experience real fear for her. Not a fun ride. No, I would not recommend this to a friend.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2161 on: March 17, 2018, 09:17:09 AM »
What a hard week! This morning we went to the Doctor and he confirms Mrs. Gem has skin cancer. Outstanding hospital and staff lay out a slew of appointments, including a routine stress test this afternoon to ensure she can undergo the excision of the malignancy. She goes and comes back and goes back to work. I didn't even ask how it went, because it was just a basic test, not one of the ones where they really stress you. You walk on a treadmill for a bit and they check your vitals. Turns out, she failed, apparently having an unknown heart problem. For the first time In 27 years, I experience real fear for her. Not a fun ride. No, I would not recommend this to a friend.

Well, that is one hell of a combo. I am sorry.

I'm not a praying man, but I hope the best for your family.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2162 on: March 17, 2018, 09:58:50 AM »
** hugs Gem **
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Offline JMack

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2163 on: March 17, 2018, 11:55:23 AM »
@The Gem Cutter, wow. Just wow. I know from your descriptions of her, that Mrs. Gem is a strong person. Match that with amazing medical capabilities, and the chances are so very good - heart issue or not. But meanwhile, I am sometimes a praying sort, and will be praying for her and all of you.

Plus, as SB says — hugs.
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Offline J.R. Darewood

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2164 on: March 17, 2018, 01:20:44 PM »
I'm so sorry to hear about that gem. Dad just had a skin cancer treatment that was brutal and I'm currently at a funeral for a cousin who died far too early so the emotions youre experiencing are very close at hand here. I've got your wife in my thoughts

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2165 on: March 17, 2018, 02:55:46 PM »
You're all very kind, thank you for your kind words. For my part, I'm a very empathetic person (or sympathetic? I never get those right) and I'd switch places with her no question, not because it'd be noble or whatever, it'd just be easier.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2166 on: March 18, 2018, 08:01:09 PM »
It is easy to be scared for someone you love particularly when there is nothing you can do except be there for them when they need you. My thoughts are with you both and wishing Mrs TGC a speedy recovery.

Offline xiagan

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2167 on: March 19, 2018, 06:59:07 PM »
I keep all the fingers I have crossed for the following scenario, @The Gem Cutter: It will be relatively easy and successful to banish the cancer back to the nether realms it came from. Getting it was a blessing in disguise though, because it lead to finding the unknown heart issue before it was too late.
"Sire, I had no need of that hypothesis." (Laplace)

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2168 on: March 19, 2018, 07:58:32 PM »
Indeed, I had that thought myself. Things can always be worse, for sure. It really is a silly notion, given just how rough the world can be, but I find myself becoming tired of being brave.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2169 on: March 21, 2018, 12:55:13 PM »
I realised I still need to rant sometimes. And ideally, with people who are going through the same thing (my therapist will ask about the possibility of this kind of support group, she says I'm definitely not the only one in this situation).

In my journey to explain things to outside people and demystify the illnesses, here's what I'm saying - apologies in advance:

Hormone therapy is crap, menopause (caused by the HT) is crap. Every woman goes through this, yet it's never mentioned, it's hidden, causes embarrassment and is a joky subject.
Imagine that one day your body decides to turn against you: things you thought were fixed disappear. The temperature in the room has no impact on your body temperature, and your thoughts and your emotions start moving up and down without reason. Pain in odd places, at odd times, appears out of nowhere.
I try to read books and google these symptoms, and the only solution ever is Hormone Replacement Therapy, which is exactly what I can not have (the hormone being bad, the one that caused the cancer).

And nobody can tell me when this ends. No one knows. Will it be like a normal menopause, lasting a couple of years? Will I be feeling like this for the full 5 (or potentially 10) years I needs to take the HT medication? There's no answer.

Yet the minute you stop the "hospital treatments", people assume you're done. You're ok. All normal.
Sorry, I'm not.
And sometimes I'm still very angry at everything.

(I'm sorry to complain about post-cancer stuff when Gem's wife is on the 'pre' situation, but I believe he doesn't mind)
« Last Edit: March 21, 2018, 12:57:08 PM by ScarletBea »
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Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2170 on: March 21, 2018, 05:01:03 PM »
As a (mostly) innocent bystander to 'conventional' menopause, I certainly can sympathize, Ms. Scarlett. And no, I certainly do not mind my friends venting what needs to be let out!

It's a catch-22, in that one does not want to always be treated with delicate care, but we're not always where we want to be, etc. It is a joky topic, and that can be a good thing, as laughter really is good medicine. That said, all parts of the healing process are important and sometimes difficult, and I hope yours continues proceeding well, if not ideally.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2171 on: March 22, 2018, 12:00:38 AM »
Pardon the double-tap, but I was meeting with my realtor at her home today (she lives 2 doors down from my old house which we are preparing to sell) going over everything: what we should take pictures of, the features we want to mention in the write-up, etc. We had planned to be further along, but trips to the doctor for Mrs. Gem have slowed us (and by "us" I mean "me") down. In the middle of our discussion, she just blurted out "Scott, you've got some great ideas here, but ... how can you be so calm?!" Which I will take as a positive indication that my coping mechanisms are working well.

"Barkeep! More silver linings for me and my friends!"
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline Lady Ty

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2172 on: March 22, 2018, 03:07:08 AM »
@ScarletBea  I am so so sorry you have the horrible menopause symptoms starting. Was going to suggest HRT, as it helped some of my younger friends, but as of your post today I understand why you can't have that to help.

I never had opportunity for HRT and just had to put up with it, with nothing helping that I could find. The hot flushes were the worst for me, and so awful at work, because I had to run a lot of training with rooms full of people. I used to keep packets of those moist face wipes handy in my bag all the time for a quick wipe over and hoped they would think it was just the air conditioning. No one ever talked about it at all back then, but the women at work understood.

I'm truly sorry I can't help you out, every single woman has different experiences all of them horrible. It also varies as to how long it will last, some are lucky and five years or so sees it out, others it seems to last longer. I must admit that after five years it seemed to tail off for me and happen less often, I can't honestly remember when it actually stopped. It is a long time ago for me now. 

I wish I could be of more help, can only understand and commiserate.
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Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2173 on: March 25, 2018, 11:00:45 AM »
Today I read this quote on Jen's Bitter twins:
Quote
'Pain, or death,' said the queen. 'You people make so much of these choices, when really they are no choices at all.'
It made me think of my illness, and how that was exactly my attitude, and how completely opposite to this a friend of mine, going through the same thing, was. And still is.

Strange how little things like this suddenly turn into a mirror that catches little glimpses of your life...
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Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2174 on: March 25, 2018, 07:21:04 PM »
Sorry for double post (well not really - just you guys post more :P hehe), but I saw an article on BBC News that led me to this Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/i_weigh/

It's just so positive and I dare you to read a few without smiling :)
« Last Edit: March 25, 2018, 07:23:32 PM by ScarletBea »
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