September 18, 2019, 12:14:38 AM

Author Topic: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel  (Read 253883 times)

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
« Reply #30 on: June 13, 2015, 05:48:17 PM »
(I hope you forgive me for this post, but I just have to say it... no replies needed)

I'm sick of being ill, and I hate that there's absolutely nothing I can do except wait, and I hate that at the moment my life is almost completely uncontrollable >:(
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Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
« Reply #31 on: June 14, 2015, 09:11:38 AM »
(I hope you forgive me for this post, but I just have to say it... no replies needed)

I'm sick of being ill, and I hate that there's absolutely nothing I can do except wait, and I hate that at the moment my life is almost completely uncontrollable >:(

It's perfectly normal to be frustrated when dealing with illness. Riding it out is all one can do.

Hang in there.
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Offline wakarimasen

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Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
« Reply #32 on: June 15, 2015, 11:53:00 AM »
@ScarletBea I recommend Tai Chi. Learning means you are "doing something" and I've found it helps, for at least the duration of the practice (and lets face it, even a couple of hours respite is welcome).
Typically I spend the first 20 mins of any class thinking....
"This is all a bunch of tree hugging hippy shit"
Then I walk out at the end wondering why I don't practice more.

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
« Reply #33 on: June 27, 2015, 02:33:55 PM »
Today I found a quote by Stephen Fry that ressonated with me:

"If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather. **
Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do."

Thanks to all who posted here, you definitely fit in this description :-*
I'm slowly... very slowly... getting better. I think. Still too many awful days to realise that, but my doctor says so :)

** to be honest, it is an illness of the limbic system. But that is not the answer to the 'why' question, just to the 'what'.
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Offline Eclipse

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Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
« Reply #34 on: June 27, 2015, 03:32:00 PM »
I don't suffer from Depression but I do know what it feels like to be lonely it 's horrible and I wouldn't want anyone to go in life without a true friend  :'(.I have got some friends now that I fought back against my battle with social anxiety scared of meeting people but getting lonely as I wasn't meeting people. I've also got my sister and mum but I still get lonely from time to time.

I went out today this morning cycling in the sun with the cycling club it was a lovely morning, been doing it for about six month now and it gets me out the house on a weekend and it makes me feel fitter also when someone asks me what I did on the weekend I can say I went cycling or to archery and not say something boring like cleaning the house and watched the tv I always worry when I meet a person I worry that I run out of subjects to talk to them about and then there don't wont to know me. That's how my mind works I worry what other people think about me and I shouldn't.
« Last Edit: June 27, 2015, 03:37:47 PM by Eclipse »
According to some,* heroic deaths are admirable things

* Generally those who don't have to do it.Politicians and writers spring to mind

Jonathan Stroud:Ptolmy's Gate

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
« Reply #35 on: June 27, 2015, 03:51:28 PM »
when someone asks me what I did on the weekend I can say I went cycling or to archery and not say something boring like cleaning the house and watched the tv
hehe that's what I do, but don't tell them ;)
Anyway, that's good, but you can also start talking about books - although if the people you know are like the ones I know, their eyes glaze over at the first mention of 'fantasy' ;D

Have you considered volunteering a couple of hours at a local charity shop? I started doing that last year, and it does me the world of good, helping out, meeting people and doing something completely different to my normal day job. Even now it's a thing I look forward to, even if I'm not doing as many hours as before :)
It doesn't have to be every week, nor the full day, I do saturday mornings twice a month.
And it doesn't even have to be in front of the public (I'm at the till), there are lots of work for people in the background, at least in mine (the local Hospice).

And please take steps to change this, you already know that you shouldn't be doing it:
I worry what other people think about me
It also took me some time, but it's so freeing, not to care... I can't tell you how I did it, though, I can't pinpoint specific things.
« Last Edit: June 27, 2015, 03:53:13 PM by ScarletBea »
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Offline Eclipse

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Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
« Reply #36 on: June 27, 2015, 04:20:10 PM »
when someone asks me what I did on the weekend I can say I went cycling or to archery and not say something boring like cleaning the house and watched the tv
hehe that's what I do, but don't tell them ;)
Anyway, that's good, but you can also start talking about books - although if the people you know are like the ones I know, their eyes glaze over at the first mention of 'fantasy' ;D

Have you considered volunteering a couple of hours at a local charity shop? I started doing that last year, and it does me the world of good, helping out, meeting people and doing something completely different to my normal day job. Even now it's a thing I look forward to, even if I'm not doing as many hours as before :)
It doesn't have to be every week, nor the full day, I do saturday mornings twice a month.
And it doesn't even have to be in front of the public (I'm at the till), there are lots of work for people in the background, at least in mine (the local Hospice).

And please take steps to change this, you already know that you shouldn't be doing it:
I worry what other people think about me
It also took me some time, but it's so freeing, not to care... I can't tell you how I did it, though, I can't pinpoint specific things.

It's very hard to find people who like fantasy books in real life unless you in a book shop in the fantasy/sc-fi section, I can talk here for my fix of fantasy  :)

I think I would do charity work now but I wouldn't have done in the past I would have been too scared and now I go cycling sat mornings from about 9.30 to 13.00 I'm absolutely shattered when I get back but feel good and I go to Archery Sunday mornings and Friday evenings and then I've  Badminton on a Monday evening  :)

As for the worrying I try not too. some days are better then others but I'm much better then I used to be now that I realise people aren't talking about me behind my back I used to think this, it made me want to stop in unless I had to go out and I'm not scared of eye contact now. I tended to look at the floor :) (I think this was because I thought people were judging my appearance)
« Last Edit: June 27, 2015, 04:31:52 PM by Eclipse »
According to some,* heroic deaths are admirable things

* Generally those who don't have to do it.Politicians and writers spring to mind

Jonathan Stroud:Ptolmy's Gate

Offline JMack

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Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
« Reply #37 on: June 27, 2015, 04:23:14 PM »
So off=topic, but you guys have been talking about mentioning "fantasy."
I find that when  talk about what I write, I always say "Science Fiction and Fantasy."
I just shy away from saying "Fantasy" all on its lonesome.
Such a wimp.  :-[
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
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Offline Eclipse

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Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
« Reply #38 on: June 27, 2015, 04:29:07 PM »
So off=topic, but you guys have been talking about mentioning "fantasy."
I find that when  talk about what I write, I always say "Science Fiction and Fantasy."
I just shy away from saying "Fantasy" all on its lonesome.
Such a wimp.  :-[

I think it because I'm  not that much in sci-fi , do you shy away from saying fantasy because it conjures up Fantasy role playing in your head  ;) it certainly bring a whole new meaning in the RPG haha
« Last Edit: June 27, 2015, 04:38:50 PM by Eclipse »
According to some,* heroic deaths are admirable things

* Generally those who don't have to do it.Politicians and writers spring to mind

Jonathan Stroud:Ptolmy's Gate

Offline Raptori

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Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
« Reply #39 on: June 27, 2015, 05:40:52 PM »
So off=topic, but you guys have been talking about mentioning "fantasy."
I find that when  talk about what I write, I always say "Science Fiction and Fantasy."
I just shy away from saying "Fantasy" all on its lonesome.
Such a wimp.  :-[
Better to just say "Speculative Fiction".  8)
I wish the world was flat like the old days, then I could travel just by folding a map.

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
« Reply #40 on: June 29, 2015, 05:51:40 PM »
I'm sure other previous posters will understand and sympathise with this:

There isn't a harder/more loaded question in the world than "how are you?" >:(
For a person who is quite honest and doesn't like/doesn't understand the minutiae of small talk, I never know how to respond - and usually do it wrongly. Especially now ::)

Any suggestions on how to answer 'properly'?
« Last Edit: June 29, 2015, 05:53:17 PM by ScarletBea »
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Offline Raptori

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Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
« Reply #41 on: June 29, 2015, 06:43:06 PM »
I'm sure other previous posters will understand and sympathise with this:

There isn't a harder/more loaded question in the world than "how are you?" >:(
For a person who is quite honest and doesn't like/doesn't understand the minutiae of small talk, I never know how to respond - and usually do it wrongly. Especially now ::)

Any suggestions on how to answer 'properly'?
In my experience, English people say that as an extension of the word "hello". You're expected to say "fine thanks, how are you?" and then they'll respond in kind and your conversation can continue or end there. Regardless of whether either of you are actually fine or not. I've always despised those kind of aspects of English culture, just seems so fake.

Once, one of our friends visited for a couple of weeks, and he's very much one of those people who are polite in a very English way. We tried to warn him that people over here just don't do that, but naturally he didn't listen.

On one day we met up with one of our best friends, and when he joined us on the bus the English friend straight away said "Hi, nice to meet you, how are you?". The Finnish friend looked at him like he was insane and said "...I'm... okay?", and just generally looked like he felt really confused and awkward - and he's just about the most extroverted person I've ever met.  ;D
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Offline JMack

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Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
« Reply #42 on: June 29, 2015, 06:58:37 PM »
I'm sure other previous posters will understand and sympathise with this:

There isn't a harder/more loaded question in the world than "how are you?" >:(
For a person who is quite honest and doesn't like/doesn't understand the minutiae of small talk, I never know how to respond - and usually do it wrongly. Especially now ::)

Any suggestions on how to answer 'properly'?

My two cents. As I though I really know this stuff:

If they know your situation: "Well, it's going all right (or I'm in a bit of a down point). Good days and bad days, you know?" Add more if they inquire.

If they don't know your situation and it's not important to you if they do: "I'm okay, how about you?"

If they don't know, and you do want them to: "Thanks for asking; I've actually been having a pretty hard time of late. I know that's not what you expect to hear when you're just being polite, but I wanted you to know."

Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
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Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
« Reply #43 on: June 29, 2015, 08:24:45 PM »
I'm sure other previous posters will understand and sympathise with this:

There isn't a harder/more loaded question in the world than "how are you?" >:(
For a person who is quite honest and doesn't like/doesn't understand the minutiae of small talk, I never know how to respond - and usually do it wrongly. Especially now ::)

Any suggestions on how to answer 'properly'?

All I can say is that, yeah I totally share your frustration. I too feel compelled to answer honestly. And when I'm not doing well a question about my well being puts me on the spot in a way I really don't care for. Answering honestly just leads to an awkward situation if I'm talking to someone I'm not about to discuss my emotional issues with, but the only alternative is to lie and pretend everything is fine.

Often I just shrug and try to continue with the original topic.

For what it's worth, personally I think your feelings on this are entirely warranted.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression is a bitch... from a friend
« Reply #44 on: June 29, 2015, 08:39:50 PM »
I too feel compelled to answer honestly. And when I'm not doing well a question about my well being puts me on the spot in a way I really don't care for. Answering honestly just leads to an awkward situation if I'm talking to someone I'm not about to discuss my emotional issues with, but the only alternative is to lie and pretend everything is fine.

Often I just shrug and try to continue with the original topic.

Oh gawd, this 100%, exactly (I was actually thinking about you when I wrote that, I figured you'd have this problem too!)
I like the shrugging, I also tend to mumble the words to avoid them understanding while not actually lying, hehe

And thanks J, for the useful guide :D now, if only I remembered that while the conversation is actually taking place, instead of afterwards when I'm feeling terribly embarassed ::)
(and to be honest, I think you forgot the case of people who do know but they're not really asking in a meaningful way... which makes them fall in situation 2, I guess)

Raptori, yep, but it's not only the English. In Portugal people also say hello by saying "olá, tudo bem?" (hi, all ok?) - and I had exactly the same problem then when all 'was not ok', regardless of the situation *sigh*
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