July 13, 2020, 03:47:59 AM

Author Topic: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel  (Read 323273 times)

Offline Rostum

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #3060 on: May 22, 2020, 10:05:47 PM »
Great news Bea

Offline S. K. Inkslinger

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #3061 on: May 23, 2020, 05:29:27 AM »
Hmmm file it under "light at the end of the tunnel" because it's those small things that make us smile and give us a lift when we're down... ;)
Even an introvert like me wants to do something different, so today I had a "proper cream tea" at home ;D

I walked to the Farm Shop as part of my daily exercise, there I got some nice bits and pieces, including proper homemade scones, and then when I got home I made a pot of tea on the posh teapot, used for visitors only, used the posh teacup too, and had it with a big scone with butter and jam (no cream at home), sitting at the low living room table just to be different
 8)

Oh wow, I love scones. I've tasted them like only once but I would definitely love to have them again, hahah. They're just so rare where I lived.

Offline Cherie

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #3062 on: May 23, 2020, 10:14:59 AM »
Today is going to be a weird day: Darren and his GF are coming over to pack up some of the things I can't do on my own. If people can have strangers in to do 'essential/emergency' work, or removal men (who are complete strangers), then I'm damn sure that packing the house to be able to move is essential.

It's 10 weeks since I last saw him, and although we've talked most days, this will be weird. I've not been remotely emotional until just now either. Dammit.

They're about 20 minutes away.  :-\

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #3063 on: May 23, 2020, 10:37:39 AM »
Oh my gawd, you're letting her in the house? You're far nicer than me!!
What are you going to do? Stay well away, or hover around in case they take things that are yours?

Lots of good luck, stay strong!!!

Edit: sorry, I realise I sound really bitter. It's great you can keep being friends
« Last Edit: May 23, 2020, 10:39:44 AM by ScarletBea »
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Offline Rostum

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #3064 on: May 23, 2020, 11:56:18 AM »
Wow @Cherie that sounds far from ideal. I hope all goes well.

@S. K. Inkslinger scones are like the easiest thing to make and are greatly improved by using off milk as it makes them fluffier. Have a recipe https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/paul_hollywoods_scones_70005 I have never used this one but it's easy to link to. I can write out mine which is very similar if you want it.
« Last Edit: May 23, 2020, 01:07:15 PM by Rostum »

Offline Cherie

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #3065 on: May 23, 2020, 01:46:37 PM »
Oh my gawd, you're letting her in the house? You're far nicer than me!!
What are you going to do? Stay well away, or hover around in case they take things that are yours?

Lots of good luck, stay strong!!!

Edit: sorry, I realise I sound really bitter. It's great you can keep being friends
It's odd, but honestly it is actually fine.

Offline Cherie

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #3066 on: May 23, 2020, 08:16:14 PM »
I was a little emotional before they got here, but once we got busy moving stuff around, we all just got into it. Even if sometimes, the extent of my assistance was holding on to their dog when he tried to get in the middle to see what was going on!

@ScarletBea You're not the first to express surprise at how well I'm taking it all. I know it's not a typical reaction. I can only explain it by saying that I know exactly how we got to where we are. When we got together, we were both exactly what the other needed. Now, we're best friends more than we're anything else, and I know it's a bit of a cliché, but I do want to see my best friend happy. M and I actually gang up on him sometimes, so he gets picked on by both of us at the same time!  ;D

It's going to be interesting explaining to any potential and currently hypothetical future partners that I'm still such good friends with my ex!  :o

We've managed to get quite a bit of stuff relocated into a storage unit around the corner, which I would never have managed to do on my own. Plus there's probably going to be a gap between the sale, and their purchase, so storage is the only solution. (Yes, I think they're rushing into buying a house together far too soon, but that's not my problem). So when we finally exchange on the house, we're not trying to pack up 2 loads of stuff to take to 2 different places, and this way, I can move with the minimum that I need, and can get the rest at a more relaxed pace. But it's a good to actually feel that I'm getting somewhere. I'll be able to put boxes and whatever I can fit in my car into the storage unit whenever I want, so that will help in emptying the house, rather than it being cluttered up with boxes. Apart from some of my boxes of books, they're far too valuable to be left in a container.

They're coming back tomorrow, as there's still things that need to be sorted through, and decide what to do with the things that neither of us want. There's also a few more bits of furniture that can go into storage while they have use of a borrowed van.


I know that explain how we're packing up the house is not a very interesting post, but by writing it, and not being upset by it, I can gauge how well I'm doing. If that makes sense.

Offline isos81

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #3067 on: May 23, 2020, 08:19:25 PM »
I was curious about how you were doing. Glad to hear everything's OK.

Stay strong Cherie! We're here whenever you need :)
Kallor shrugged. 'I've walked this land when the T'lan Imass were but children. I've commanded armies a hundred thousand strong. I've spread the fire of my wrath across entire continents, and sat alone upon tall thrones. Do you grasp the meaning of this?'

'Yes' said Caladan Brood. 'You never learn'

Offline S. K. Inkslinger

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #3068 on: May 24, 2020, 04:31:00 AM »
Stay strong Cherie! I'm not really knowledgeable (well, not at all) when it came to relationships and stuff, but still would like to wish you all the best and give you my encouragements. As isos said above, we're here whenever you need us.  :D

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #3069 on: May 29, 2020, 09:58:33 PM »
I could have posted this on the virus thread, but it's more related to my attitude/feelings, so it's going here:

Today in the supermarket I actually swore at a person, totally instinctive :(
I had my mask and was keeping my distance, it wasn't too busy so people were managing to keep the distance or cross quickly, but at an aisle I was trying to choose something and there was a group of 3 employees, all together, no mask or anything, and they kept walking in front of me. I kept going backwards to keep my distance, more and more, but they were just going back and forth in front of me and I just swore out loud ("oh for F's sake!")! Then I ran to the corner and had to calm down my breathing.
This is not normal - will I ever feel safe in public/indoors again? :'(
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Offline hexa

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #3070 on: May 30, 2020, 12:46:46 AM »
English people swear by using the word bloody

Offline Rostum

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #3071 on: May 30, 2020, 12:17:19 PM »
Yes, but actually it's more like blaspheme by saying Bloody a likely corruption of 'by our lady'

Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #3072 on: May 30, 2020, 01:28:40 PM »
I'm working on my university thesis, and as my subject I've chosen Carl Jung's ideas about the shadow. In psychology it is made up of the parts of ourselves that we consider inferior and so push out of conscious thought. However, this does not rob these elements of their power over us; it just pushes them into darkness where they can influence us in subtle way, through neuroses, sudden outbursts or psychological projections. To use a really extreme example, Adolf Hitler projected his shadow on the Jewish people, seeing all of his own evil in them.

Overall I feel that all the research I've been doing on this has been quite healthy for me. For instance I have come to realize that I get unreasonably irritated with people who share my own flaws. I'm damn well not going to claim that reading up on this for a few months has left me enlightened or some such, but I feel I'm less prone to hiding from the ugly parts of my own personality. We all have thoughts we aren't proud of, and I feel that just confessing mine to myself and facing them has left me a bit calmer.

I don't know. I just wanted to mention this.
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Offline Magnus Hedén

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #3073 on: May 30, 2020, 01:49:57 PM »
I think in the west we're a bit obsessed with the idea of 'thought crime', i.e. the idea that if you have bad thoughts, you're a bad person (thanks, Catholicism). But that is (of course) ridiculous; everyone has bad thoughts and impulses -- the question is if we accept the fact and try to deal with it consciously.

In eastern philosophies tied to beliefs like Buddhism and Taoism (as well as others) there's a much more healthy attitude which I would characterise as "we all have darkness in us, the only way to deal with it is to accept that it's there and face it".

It's funny how modern research has been catching up with the idea that our unconscious controls our decisions and actions a lot more than we thought. And it throws into question some old, deeply established ideas about who a person is. If we are what we think or what we do, and what we think and do often is determined unconsiously, where does that leave consciousness in relation to identity?
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Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #3074 on: May 30, 2020, 01:57:33 PM »
I think in the west we're a bit obsessed with the idea of 'thought crime', i.e. the idea that if you have bad thoughts, you're a bad person (thanks, Catholicism). But that is (of course) ridiculous; everyone has bad thoughts and impulses -- the question is if we accept the fact and try to deal with it consciously.

In eastern philosophies tied to beliefs like Buddhism and Taoism (as well as others) there's a much more healthy attitude which I would characterise as "we all have darkness in us, the only way to deal with it is to accept that it's there and face it".

Yeah, all of this has come up in my research, both from Jung himself and later thinkers who took up his ideas. Jung touched on Christianity quite a bit, and the way the definition of sin got narrowed down over the centuries, until we have thought sin, and a constant need to feel guilty for not being perfect. This is exactly why fringe ultra-religious groups always seem to have this horrible rot underneath the shiny surface everyone is meant to display.

I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!