November 18, 2018, 06:19:49 AM

Author Topic: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel  (Read 168859 times)

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2475 on: October 07, 2018, 06:34:15 AM »
So I spent the night drinking with two of my sons at the bar in my house. And of course, I drank too much and, remarkably, shared just enough for my sons to begin to understand just who and what I am, and the things I have survived and overcome. This is neither a noble nor a unique thing - like any of us, I am just a person with flaws and foibles, reeping what I sewed. But perhaps for the first time, my sons seemed to appreciate what I have tried to be, tried to do, and seemed to respect my willingness to admit and own my failings.

Most of you are younger than me, and few of those as old as me can claim so much mileage, so perhaps this will not traverse the space between my mind and yours - but for the first time, they perceived that I want their forgiveness for my failings and realized that in their own lives, someday, they will want forgiveness at some point from those they love. And they gave it. A deeper than average evening. If your path mirrors my own, I hope you find the space I found this evening: not as dark as it seems from the outside, and not without its pleasures. Peace.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2476 on: October 07, 2018, 08:47:52 PM »
Today I ran 5km - I checked my garmin statistics, and the last time I did it was in June 2016, 2 days after my diagnosis.
Resilience.
 8)
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Offline J.R. Darewood

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2477 on: October 14, 2018, 08:09:35 PM »
I'm so tired

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2478 on: October 14, 2018, 08:24:09 PM »
I'm so tired
Have you been sleeping properly? I'm asking because you always seem to be online when I arrive at work, which is middle of the night in the US...
I hope you're feeling ok apart from the tiredness *hugs*
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"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all" - Douglas Adams

Offline Slaykomimi

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2479 on: October 14, 2018, 10:40:21 PM »
I'm so tired

Feeling tired is always a bad symptom of our body, the best thing it could signal is the lack of sleep cause it´s the most easy to fix.
I hope you are fine soon and that the source of your tiredness is nothing serious.
I would recomend a good dose of sleep, some days of healthy food with many vitamines, especially D and taking some time to relax, like laying down and closing the eyes, listening some comfortable silent music and telling every muscle in your body to let go and relax, it can work wonders on stress and tiredness.
Truly, if there is evil in this world, it lies within the heart of mankind.

-Edward d. Morrison

Offline The Gem Cutter

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2480 on: October 15, 2018, 08:44:08 PM »
Today I ran 5km - I checked my garmin statistics, and the last time I did it was in June 2016, 2 days after my diagnosis.
Resilience.
 8)
I'm getting into better shape, so I was at the local flea market and they had am 80lb/40kg punching bag for sale and I happen to have a mount that I hang a sword-training post from, so I bought it. I carried it the 1/3 mile to the car and wow, I am old and out of shape. Still sore 2 days later. The good news, practicing swords and punching in my yard has led to the politest neighbors ever.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2481 on: October 15, 2018, 09:05:01 PM »
The good news, practicing swords and punching in my yard has led to the politest neighbors ever.

My friends have told me I look like a serial killer. I wonder if that's played a part in the generally good experience I've had with servers and government employees.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline J.R. Darewood

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2482 on: October 17, 2018, 02:21:17 AM »
Ok I slept. Will rejoin humanity next week

Offline Rostum

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2483 on: October 17, 2018, 10:45:13 AM »
Quote
Ok I slept. Will rejoin humanity next week

So how many years is now we have been telling you to find a job that actively doesn't try to kill you?
Anyways sleep more work less.

Quote
The good news, practicing swords and punching in my yard has led to the politest neighbors ever

Yeah decades back I lived in the rough end of Lancaster and would take the nicks out of my swords by putting a steel plate on the wall at the front of the house and hammering them back in or filing them out if that didn't work. Never burgled in the five years I was there unlike most of the street.



Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2484 on: October 17, 2018, 11:45:37 AM »
Quote
Ok I slept. Will rejoin humanity next week

So how many years is now we have been telling you to find a job that actively doesn't try to kill you?
Anyways sleep more work less.
I didn't want to be the one to say this, but I thought this to myself ;D
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Offline J.R. Darewood

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2485 on: October 17, 2018, 04:14:03 PM »
Quote
Ok I slept. Will rejoin humanity next week

So how many years is now we have been telling you to find a job that actively doesn't try to kill you?
Anyways sleep more work less.
I didn't want to be the one to say this, but I thought this to myself ;D

This time it was my own fault

Offline xiagan

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2486 on: October 17, 2018, 07:21:18 PM »
I'm so tired
Have you been sleeping properly? I'm asking because you always seem to be online when I arrive at work, which is middle of the night in the US...
I hope you're feeling ok apart from the tiredness *hugs*
Are you kidding? He hasn't slept properly for years and we all know it.

I second what Rostum said.
You need to move closer to one of us so that we can check up on you from time to time. Additional advantage would be a new job...
"Sire, I had no need of that hypothesis." (Laplace)

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2487 on: October 17, 2018, 07:30:28 PM »
You need pampering and babysitting ;D
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"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all" - Douglas Adams

Offline Rostum

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2488 on: October 17, 2018, 11:17:29 PM »
Quote
You need pampering and babysitting ;D

He needs to be sent to bed at a sensible hour. No good will come of all this staying up late...

Offline J.R. Darewood

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Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2489 on: October 18, 2018, 04:06:11 AM »
Okay, so basically i teach once a year, which is pretty demanding, but it's manageable hours (like 45-50/week, depending on the class), but I decided to 1) put together a proposal for a study abroad class, complete with a syllabus (which usually takes me weeks to do a new course syllabus and i did it in a weekend), 2) i agreed to give a big campus-wide speech (on monday) 3) I put together another abstract and paper for a conference presentation, (also with a deadline that happened monday) 4)  I wanted to use the access I had here for video editing suites, a recording room, and technical support to finish a film project I've been working on, taking on a student to help as an independent study-- this meant all sorts of filming and editing deadlines. 5) grading, omfg grading.

So really it was more that I got really ambitious and wanted to take advantage of too many opportunities and running myself into the ground moreso than in the past where my employer is driving me into the ground.

It's all done now tho.  Mostly.  Well not exactly.  Long story.