June 20, 2018, 06:59:47 AM

Author Topic: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel  (Read 143525 times)

Offline ultamentkiller

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2085 on: January 19, 2018, 07:38:30 PM »
Discovered I am slowly losing my hearing.

Every time I get Eustachion Tube Dysfunction, the hearing in whatever ear it happens in gets worse. My Ear Nose and Throat doctor already wanted to see me so I have an appointment on Tuesday. Maybe a miracle will happen and they'll find a fix. But as of last time I went, they have no idea why this is happening. By their logic, I shouldn't be getting the tube dysfunctions anymore, much less losing my hearing because of them. That's very abnormal. That combined with my tinitis being different pitches in each year... I don't know anymore.

I am not sure how my life is going to change because of this. I know I'm probably going to have to get a guide dog, something I wasn't planning on doing for several years. I have no idea how I'll ever be able to be a blind-deaf parent. I'm so used to being independent, I don't know how to live depending on people to help me get around. Doing work for classes is going to be much harder. Right now I can read at 650 words per minute because of my speech synthesizer. when I have to use braille, that will cut me down by half. I'm not seeing the positives in this anywhere. I know there are some. I know this will somehow help me accomplish what I need to accomplish before my time here is up. But it's like I had an idea of what that was, and now I'm lost.

Offline The Gem Cutter

  • Captain Analogy
  • Writing Group
  • Khaleesi
  • *
  • Posts: 2783
  • Total likes: 2231
  • Gender: Male
  • We've exhausted all possibilities - time to begin.
    • View Profile
    • The Gem Cutter Tales
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2086 on: January 19, 2018, 09:19:34 PM »
Ultament that is a daunting challenge to face for anyone, at any age. As for parenting, others may disagree, but I believe that in the long run setting an example is the most impactful of all the things parents do. And even the worst, most meaningless negative things always have at least the one positive = that learning to deal with them builds character. Yeah, a hollow positive that might seem, but I can easily imagine a child getting a unique perspective that their challenges can be overcome if they follow your example. Such a child might well go on to do and overcome any number of extraordinary things on nothing more than that alone.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2087 on: January 20, 2018, 08:56:40 PM »
@ultamentkiller, I feel I should have responded sooner, but I didn't know what to say. Frankly, I still don't, but here goes:

"I'm sorry", is the most basic thing I can say. But beyond that, I'll admit I can't imagine how I would cope with blindness. But you clearly manage it. I have faith that kind of strength carries over into dealing with additional challenges.

There's also the fact that medicine is going through constant advancements. Heck, human beings are already experimenting with fully cybernetic arms and eyes. I'm no doctor, but from what I can tell a whole lot of disabilities are going to be cured in the coming decades.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline ScarletBea

  • Cruise Director, Positive Invisible Fighter, and bringer of Cake. 2nd in Command of the Writing Contest
  • Powers That Be
  • Big Wee Hag
  • *
  • Posts: 9296
  • Total likes: 5478
  • Gender: Female
  • Geeky Reading Introvert
    • View Profile
    • LibraryThing profile
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2088 on: January 20, 2018, 09:00:02 PM »
I'm so sorry, Ultament, but like the others said, I'm confident you'll do the best you can to have a great life!
*big hugs*
Anyway, let's wait for Tuesday and see what the doctor says, eh?
At home in the Fantasy Faction forum!
"It's time we steered by the stars, not by the lights of each passing ship" (general O.N. Bradley)

Also called Ashorvaed, in the Immortal Language of Henry Dale!

Offline Bradley Darewood

  • aka Barley Redwood
  • Writing Group
  • Gentleman Bastard
  • *****
  • Posts: 1838
  • Total likes: 1079
  • Gender: Male
  • Zork. And it was all downhill from there.
    • View Profile
    • Bradley Darewood on Tumblr!
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2089 on: January 20, 2018, 11:26:31 PM »
crossing fingers for you @ultamentkiller

Offline Lady Ty

  • Blessed River Lady and Defender of Baby Dragons
  • Ta'veren
  • **
  • Posts: 3316
  • Total likes: 2789
  • Gender: Female
  • Dragon Duchess
    • View Profile
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2090 on: January 21, 2018, 12:06:56 AM »
Very sorry about your problem, ultament hope the doctor can offer some help to at least slow down  the process. Will be thinking of you Tuesday.
'..all tapes left in a car for more than a fortnight metamorphose into Best of Queen albums....they listened to William Byrd's "We Are the Champions"" and Beethoven's "I Want to Break Free". Neither were as good as Vaughan Williams "Fat-Bottomed Girls".
Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman: Good Omens 1990

Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2091 on: January 24, 2018, 06:41:00 PM »
Well, I just got some news that punched my right in the balls.

I'm not going to go into details on a public platform, but someone I have known for a very long time, and who has suffered no end of misfortune, has been found guilty in a court of law. The sentence is three and a half years.

This whole thing has been hanging over my head for way too long now, and now the worst has happened. And the thing is, the accusation and subsequent legal business has the appearance of the kind of myopic hysteria that has and does destroy innocent lives. But it could also all be true. I have no way of knowing, and I never will. And now this whole thing is going to stick to my life, however peripherally, forever.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline The Gem Cutter

  • Captain Analogy
  • Writing Group
  • Khaleesi
  • *
  • Posts: 2783
  • Total likes: 2231
  • Gender: Male
  • We've exhausted all possibilities - time to begin.
    • View Profile
    • The Gem Cutter Tales
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2092 on: January 24, 2018, 08:47:09 PM »
Sorry to hear of your friend's misfortune, Eli. I would point out that your own life seems to be going well, and you should guard against allowing yourself to let anything hang over it. You're making a difference to others and yourself with your autism stuff, and dealing with your own issues so well. In time, you will probably come to know the nature of the situation and assess for yourself what your role in your friend's life should be, and vice versa.
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline The Gem Cutter

  • Captain Analogy
  • Writing Group
  • Khaleesi
  • *
  • Posts: 2783
  • Total likes: 2231
  • Gender: Male
  • We've exhausted all possibilities - time to begin.
    • View Profile
    • The Gem Cutter Tales
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2093 on: January 25, 2018, 06:38:36 AM »
Something occurred to me that sounded very wise, and so is highly suspect. I am curious what others might think. It goes something like this: "We forget, as we seek solutions for things, that solutions are not always possible or are not always possible to find at the moment we need them. Sometimes, it is victory enough just to know that a solution should be found and that we should seek it, even if there is none to be found."
Any thoughts?
The Gem Cutter
"Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There's always the possibility of a fiasco. But there's also the possibility of bliss." - Joseph Campbell

Offline ScarletBea

  • Cruise Director, Positive Invisible Fighter, and bringer of Cake. 2nd in Command of the Writing Contest
  • Powers That Be
  • Big Wee Hag
  • *
  • Posts: 9296
  • Total likes: 5478
  • Gender: Female
  • Geeky Reading Introvert
    • View Profile
    • LibraryThing profile
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2094 on: January 25, 2018, 08:10:18 AM »
Something occurred to me that sounded very wise, and so is highly suspect. I am curious what others might think. It goes something like this: "We forget, as we seek solutions for things, that solutions are not always possible or are not always possible to find at the moment we need them. Sometimes, it is victory enough just to know that a solution should be found and that we should seek it, even if there is none to be found."
Any thoughts?
Oh gosh, I love it! This is just so appropriate to me (it needs to be repeated multiple times until I learn!)
I'm the type of person who doesn't wonder around, I go straight to the point, I see an issue and I try to solve it - but like you're saying, sometimes solutions aren't readily available, sometimes they're not available at all and I should just learn to live with it, and sometimes I need that waiting time to realise that the solution is completely different to what my brain was aiming for in a rush.

This is very much aligned to something I read in the book I mentioned earlier and that really hit me because it's what I do: sometimes when people share their problems with you, they just want a sympathetic ear, not a solution, yet when I hear these things, my brain starts immediately to think of "ways out" :-\ not only is that not needed, but what is suitable for 'my' situation in life can be totally innapropriate to my friend's.

Thanks for highlighting this to me again, Gem
At home in the Fantasy Faction forum!
"It's time we steered by the stars, not by the lights of each passing ship" (general O.N. Bradley)

Also called Ashorvaed, in the Immortal Language of Henry Dale!

Offline Magnus Hedén

  • High Lord of commas and Grand Master of semicolons
  • Night Angel
  • *
  • Posts: 151
  • Total likes: 121
  • Gender: Male
  • My name is Magnus. I make stuff up.
    • View Profile
    • My Patreon
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2095 on: January 25, 2018, 08:27:17 AM »
Makes sense, sounds in line with my mindset these days. Being aware of a problem doesn't necessarily mean you can solve it. But it does mean that you can accept it, move around it, adapt to it, whatever is required for you to keep moving (even if those things are difficult).

A good exercise (which I think I learned from Stoicism, or it may have been Taoism -- they are quite similar) is to ask yourself what you can and can't affect. Often, we spend way more energy than makes sense worrying about things we have no power over. Make a list, if that helps. Write down all your worries, then strike out the ones you can't actually do anything about. Then work with the (likely, considerably shorter) list that is left.

"We suffer more in our minds than we do in reality." - Seneca
You can find stories on my Patreon
I'm also on Twitter and the Book of Faces

Offline JMack

  • Hircum Magna Rex of the Fabled Atku Temple, and writing context regular
  • Writing Group
  • Ringbearer
  • *****
  • Posts: 6530
  • Total likes: 4428
  • Gender: Male
  • ridiculously obscure is my super power.
    • View Profile
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2096 on: January 25, 2018, 10:59:02 AM »
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the distance.

+

If your dreams don’t scare you, they’re not big enough
(And there’s a quote similar about not asking hard enough questions)

+

What @The Gem Cutter said  ;D
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)

Offline ScarletBea

  • Cruise Director, Positive Invisible Fighter, and bringer of Cake. 2nd in Command of the Writing Contest
  • Powers That Be
  • Big Wee Hag
  • *
  • Posts: 9296
  • Total likes: 5478
  • Gender: Female
  • Geeky Reading Introvert
    • View Profile
    • LibraryThing profile
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2097 on: January 27, 2018, 10:42:03 PM »
@ultamentkiller, do you have more news after the doctor's appointment?
I'd like to know x
At home in the Fantasy Faction forum!
"It's time we steered by the stars, not by the lights of each passing ship" (general O.N. Bradley)

Also called Ashorvaed, in the Immortal Language of Henry Dale!

Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2098 on: January 29, 2018, 09:59:01 PM »
Oh, I forgot to mention: My little autism pamphlet thing is currently being put together. I should get the print copies sometime next week. Also my work with Grófin has continued, visiting 9th graders to talk about autism and other mental issues.

The first visit this year, to a hamlet across the fjord, was the most interesting one so far. As in, one autistic kid admitted to having attempted suicide at age ten, and there was a strangely high percentage of girls with anxiety, which one of our main speakers goes into detail about. Yes, it was all a bit grim, but we also got those kids to open up about their issues, and I believe we've inspired them to speak more honestly to each other.
I'll notify your next of kin... that you sucked!

Offline ScarletBea

  • Cruise Director, Positive Invisible Fighter, and bringer of Cake. 2nd in Command of the Writing Contest
  • Powers That Be
  • Big Wee Hag
  • *
  • Posts: 9296
  • Total likes: 5478
  • Gender: Female
  • Geeky Reading Introvert
    • View Profile
    • LibraryThing profile
Re: Depression, Struggles and Light at the End of Every Tunnel
« Reply #2099 on: January 30, 2018, 08:07:49 AM »
Eli, everything you're doing is so amazing!
You should be *really* proud of yourself :D
At home in the Fantasy Faction forum!
"It's time we steered by the stars, not by the lights of each passing ship" (general O.N. Bradley)

Also called Ashorvaed, in the Immortal Language of Henry Dale!