April 11, 2021, 10:04:56 PM

Author Topic: Examples of dreadful writing in the fantasy genre  (Read 12891 times)

Essentia-Li

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Re: Examples of dreadful writing in the fantasy genre
« Reply #30 on: June 19, 2014, 05:13:52 PM »
I'm so glad Eye Of Argon got a mention - can ANY ONE read that without peeing themselves laughing - actually it goes into the 'so bad its good' category. I have a few movies in that category as well.

NoteSpelling

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Re: Examples of dreadful writing in the fantasy genre
« Reply #31 on: June 19, 2014, 06:34:42 PM »
Oh yes the Eye Of Argon lol, it was so bad but yet so funny! :) I just could no help but laugh.

Essentia-Li

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Re: Examples of dreadful writing in the fantasy genre
« Reply #32 on: June 19, 2014, 11:34:29 PM »
I had to stop reading half way through and calm down.

Offline Francis Knight

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Re: Examples of dreadful writing in the fantasy genre
« Reply #33 on: June 20, 2014, 10:39:37 AM »
I have recalled this example, put in a book on purpose. Ron Miller, Silk and Steel, 1992

Warning, your eyes may actually bleed. ETA: Found a more complete excerpt:

Quote
Her face had the fragrance of a gibbous moon. The scent of fresh snow. Her eyes were dark birds in fresh snow. They were the birds' shadows, they were mirrors; they were the legends on old charts. They were antique armor and the tears of dragons. Her brows were a raptor's sharp, anxious wings. They were a pair of scythes. Her ears were a puzzle carved in ivory. Her teeth were her only bracelet; she carried them within the red velvet purse of her lips. Her tongue was amber. Her tongue was a ferret, an anemone, a fox caught in the teeth of a tiger.

Her shoulders were the clay in a potter's kiln. Her shoulders were fieldstones; they were the white, square stones of which walls are made. They were windows covered with steam. They were porcelain. They were opal and moonstone. Her neck was the foam that curls from the prow of a ship, it was a sheaf of alfalfa or barley, it was the lonely dance of the pearl-grey shark.

Her legs were quills. They were bundles of wicker, they were candelabra; the muscles were summer lightning, that flickered like a passing thought; they were captured eels or a cable on a windlass. Her thighs were geese, pythons, schooners. They were cypress or banyan; her thighs were a forge, they were shears; her thighs were sandstone, they were the sandstone buttresses of a cathedral, they were silk or cobwebs. Her calves were sweet with the sap of elders, her feet were bleached bones, her feet were driftwood. Her feet were springs, marmosets or locusts; her toes were snails, they were snails with shells of tears.

Her arms were a corral, a fence, an enclosure; they were pennants; they were highways. Her fingers were incense. They were silver fish in clear water; they were the speed of the fish, they were the fish's wake. They were semaphores; they were meteors.

Her spine was a snake. It was the track of a snake. It was the groove the water snake makes in the glossy mud of the riverbank. Her spine was a viper, an anaconda. It was the strength of the anaconda. It was the anaconda's unknown hieroglyphic. Her spine was a ladder, a rod; it was a chain, a canal, it was a caravan. Her buttocks were fresh-baked loaves; they were ivory eggs, they were the eggs of the lonely phoenix. They were a fist.

Her breasts were citrus, they were soapstone; they were bright cumulus and the smooth fingertips of Musrum. Her breasts were honeycombs and dew-beaded windows, or soft, sweet cheese. They were sweet apples; they were glass, they were cowries. They were the twin moons of the earth. The nipples rose like mecury with her heat. They rose like monuments atop flowered hills, above deserts of hot sand; the nipples were savory morsels, with the flavor of the forest.

This goes on in that vein for a couple of pagestwhen the POV sums up "You are quite beautiful". Then he rapes her. Must be the cheese?

On its Amazon page there's a blurb : "Ron Miller is unfairly talented." -- Sir Arthur C Clarke


« Last Edit: June 20, 2014, 10:45:07 AM by Francis Knight »
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Offline Jeni

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Re: Examples of dreadful writing in the fantasy genre
« Reply #34 on: June 20, 2014, 11:28:29 AM »
Oh dear lord.  :o

That is hysterical!  ;D ;D ;D

It actually got published?

Was the author taking the mick?


Offline Francis Knight

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Re: Examples of dreadful writing in the fantasy genre
« Reply #35 on: June 20, 2014, 11:47:37 AM »
Was the author taking the mick?

That's the only explanation I can think of! But yes it got published. The first book in the series was pretty well received IIRC. This one not so much.
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NoteSpelling

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Re: Examples of dreadful writing in the fantasy genre
« Reply #36 on: June 20, 2014, 12:39:39 PM »
I had to stop reading half way through and calm down.

Only halfway? lol I had to stop every few pages to let air back into my lungs! :D

Offline eclipse

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Re: Examples of dreadful writing in the fantasy genre
« Reply #37 on: September 11, 2020, 11:48:13 PM »
I have recalled this example, put in a book on purpose. Ron Miller, Silk and Steel, 1992

Warning, your eyes may actually bleed. ETA: Found a more complete excerpt:

Quote
Her face had the fragrance of a gibbous moon. The scent of fresh snow. Her eyes were dark birds in fresh snow. They were the birds' shadows, they were mirrors; they were the legends on old charts. They were antique armor and the tears of dragons. Her brows were a raptor's sharp, anxious wings. They were a pair of scythes. Her ears were a puzzle carved in ivory. Her teeth were her only bracelet; she carried them within the red velvet purse of her lips. Her tongue was amber. Her tongue was a ferret, an anemone, a fox caught in the teeth of a tiger.

Her shoulders were the clay in a potter's kiln. Her shoulders were fieldstones; they were the white, square stones of which walls are made. They were windows covered with steam. They were porcelain. They were opal and moonstone. Her neck was the foam that curls from the prow of a ship, it was a sheaf of alfalfa or barley, it was the lonely dance of the pearl-grey shark.

Her legs were quills. They were bundles of wicker, they were candelabra; the muscles were summer lightning, that flickered like a passing thought; they were captured eels or a cable on a windlass. Her thighs were geese, pythons, schooners. They were cypress or banyan; her thighs were a forge, they were shears; her thighs were sandstone, they were the sandstone buttresses of a cathedral, they were silk or cobwebs. Her calves were sweet with the sap of elders, her feet were bleached bones, her feet were driftwood. Her feet were springs, marmosets or locusts; her toes were snails, they were snails with shells of tears.

Her arms were a corral, a fence, an enclosure; they were pennants; they were highways. Her fingers were incense. They were silver fish in clear water; they were the speed of the fish, they were the fish's wake. They were semaphores; they were meteors.

Her spine was a snake. It was the track of a snake. It was the groove the water snake makes in the glossy mud of the riverbank. Her spine was a viper, an anaconda. It was the strength of the anaconda. It was the anaconda's unknown hieroglyphic. Her spine was a ladder, a rod; it was a chain, a canal, it was a caravan. Her buttocks were fresh-baked loaves; they were ivory eggs, they were the eggs of the lonely phoenix. They were a fist.

Her breasts were citrus, they were soapstone; they were bright cumulus and the smooth fingertips of Musrum. Her breasts were honeycombs and dew-beaded windows, or soft, sweet cheese. They were sweet apples; they were glass, they were cowries. They were the twin moons of the earth. The nipples rose like mecury with her heat. They rose like monuments atop flowered hills, above deserts of hot sand; the nipples were savory morsels, with the flavor of the forest.

This goes on in that vein for a couple of pagestwhen the POV sums up "You are quite beautiful". Then he rapes her. Must be the cheese?

On its Amazon page there's a blurb : "Ron Miller is unfairly talented." -- Sir Arthur C Clarke

Ron Miller is a genius !
According to some,* heroic deaths are admirable things

* Generally those who don't have to do it.Politicians and writers spring to mind

Jonathan Stroud:Ptolmy's Gate

Offline cupiscent

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Re: Examples of dreadful writing in the fantasy genre
« Reply #38 on: September 12, 2020, 01:19:25 AM »
I was still giggling about the evil chicken when I got to this second assault on the English language and I choked on my coffee. What an astounding acid trip. "Her buttocks were the eggs of a lonely phoenix" indeed.

Offline Elfy

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Re: Examples of dreadful writing in the fantasy genre
« Reply #39 on: September 12, 2020, 02:09:59 AM »
The description of her feet as marmosets was pure genius. Rather hard on the poor little marmosets, though.
I will expand your TBR pile.

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Offline S. K. Inkslinger

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Re: Examples of dreadful writing in the fantasy genre
« Reply #40 on: September 12, 2020, 09:13:02 AM »
Oh wow, if a guy like that gets published then I guessed everyone could get published. Hell even the crap I wrote were probably better than that.