September 19, 2014, 04:44:58 AM

Author Topic: Cheesiest Fantasy Sex Scene  (Read 4383 times)

Gariath

Cheesiest Fantasy Sex Scene
« on: August 22, 2011, 08:15:39 AM »
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  • Just read an absolute shocker in Winter's Heart. Aviendha, Elayne and Min, three beautiful intelligent and powerful women and best friends, have told Rand they all love him and are willing to share him. They then all bond with a sacred bond which allows them constant awareness of each other. Then cue Elayne asking the other girls to leave her alone with Rand, nudge wink to the other girls who nudge wink back. She then informs Rand that since he has already had the sexy time with the other two its her turn now. Cue 80s porn flick bass. Meanwhile the two girls outside experience the sexy time between Rand and Elayne via their sacred bond. And Old Bob calls his wife Harriet into his study time for their own sexy time. Uggh . . .   


    The last Rhega.

    ChrisMB

    Re: Cheesiest Fantasy Sex Scene
    « Reply #1 on: August 22, 2011, 02:28:50 PM »
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  • This calls for a Sexy Party.


    Honestly, that is the weirdest orgy I have ever heard of.

    Francis Knight

    Re: Cheesiest Fantasy Sex Scene
    « Reply #2 on: August 22, 2011, 08:07:34 PM »
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  • It's pretty rare to find a sex scene in mainstream fantasy that isn't cheesy! lol

    I generally take it as  bad sign if I giggle.

    But I'm trying to redress the balance. Thing is, sex scenes are very difficult. Especially if you know your Mum wants to read the book when it's done...
    My tongue has been in my cheek for so long, I've eroded a new mouth.


    The Pain Mage trilogy
    coming soon from Orbit!

    Khaldun

    Re: Cheesiest Fantasy Sex Scene
    « Reply #3 on: August 23, 2011, 02:38:03 AM »
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  • If it isn't cheesy, that's usually because it is incredibly awkward or just plain disturbing.
    See Joe Abercrombie sex scenes or the sex from Westeros.

    Gariath

    Re: Cheesiest Fantasy Sex Scene
    « Reply #4 on: August 23, 2011, 05:49:23 AM »
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  • I think the rule is writers, give it to a friend to read and ask if they can almost hear a 80s porno flick bass line in their head while reading, if they do, rewrite it!
    The last Rhega.

    Minesril

    Re: Cheesiest Fantasy Sex Scene
    « Reply #5 on: August 23, 2011, 07:25:04 AM »
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  • That might be even cheesier than the scene in 'Desert Spear' when Rojer has a, ah, highly entertaining bath.

    I think authors should seriously think about what they're doing in these cases.  Would I behave in this manner?  Would anybody I know?  No?  So neither should my characters.  Otherwise readers will just assume that you've never actually, y'know, had sex.

    Shamrock

    Re: Cheesiest Fantasy Sex Scene
    « Reply #6 on: August 23, 2011, 07:48:03 AM »
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  • The first time I edited a book I almost died from awkwardness in the sex scene, mainly because the author was a 50 year old man and I had to explain to him why he couldn't have the main character basically sexually harassing the female character in chapter 5 when they had just met. It was awful, so I sent it to a male editor to help me phrase it correctly.
    Books are the blessed chloroform of the mind

    Toc the Youngest

    Re: Cheesiest Fantasy Sex Scene
    « Reply #7 on: August 23, 2011, 08:10:57 AM »
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  • If it isn't cheesy, that's usually because it is incredibly awkward or just plain disturbing.
    See Joe Abercrombie sex scenes or the sex from Westeros.

    Or how about that tender, loving moment in Thomas Covenant.
    "Name none of the fallen, for they stood in our place, and stand there still in each moment of our lives. Let my death hold no glory, and let me die forgotten and unknown. Let it not be said that I was one among the dead to accuse the living." - Duiker

    Funky Scarecrow

    Re: Cheesiest Fantasy Sex Scene
    « Reply #8 on: August 23, 2011, 10:08:15 PM »
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  • I think the rule is writers, give it to a friend to read and ask if they can almost hear a 80s porno flick bass line in their head while reading, if they do, rewrite it!

    Not sure how well that would work. No matter what I'm doing (the dishes, laundry, hoovering the carpets, writing, talking to people, going through my bank statements), there's a porno bass line going inside my head. It's a condition. I'm hearing one now.

    Bow-wow wah-wah bow-chicka-bow-chicka-bow-chicka...

    Back on topic, pretty much anything written by Anne Rice. Some people might disagree with me, goodness knows she sells a lot of books, but they're all limp, wan and lack bite*.

    ... chicka-bow-chicka-bow-chicka-bow-chicka-bow...

    * Pun very much intended.
    I am NOT short. I'm further away than I look.

    Fellshot

    Re: Cheesiest Fantasy Sex Scene
    « Reply #9 on: August 24, 2011, 12:00:34 AM »
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  • Speaking of vampire novels with awful sex scenes, anything written by Laurell K. Hamilton. My general reaction is "oh they're in bed and going at it like were-bunnies." In a normal book I would flip forwards a page or two and find the characters at the cuddle and conversation stage of the bedroom gymnastics. In an LKH book it might be several chapters before they finish up. Add in that it reads like Ikea instructions and I start wishing that someone would do something interesting like set the bedroom alight. :P
    /rant

    I'm not sure if this counts towards the cheesy sex scene topic but anything where one character goes "oh look BOOBS" and thus a relationship is begun. Terribly forced flirting is agonizing to read. :P

    Minesril

    Re: Cheesiest Fantasy Sex Scene
    « Reply #10 on: August 24, 2011, 07:01:12 AM »
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  • I'm not sure if this counts towards the cheesy sex scene topic but anything where one character goes "oh look BOOBS" and thus a relationship is begun. Terribly forced flirting is agonizing to read. :P

    'Be attentive to my words.'
    'I am being attentive to your words.'
    'No, you're being attentive to my breasts.'

    AnneLyle

    Re: Cheesiest Fantasy Sex Scene
    « Reply #11 on: August 24, 2011, 08:13:35 AM »
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  • I think the problem is that graphic sex only really works in any book if relationships are the focus of the plot, and that's very seldom the case in fantasy. In "A Game of Thrones", even GRRM fades to black after the pretty graphic seduction of Daenerys (_not_ a rape scene, as in the TV series).

     I think there's a lot more on-screen sex in the TV show than there is on-the-page sex in the book, but then TV has to show because it can't tell. Except in equally cheesy "as you know, Bob" dialogue.
    Elizabethan fantasy trilogy The Alchemist of SoulsThe Merchant of Dreams and The Prince of Lies out now from Angry Robot Books!

    Overlord

    Re: Cheesiest Fantasy Sex Scene
    « Reply #12 on: August 24, 2011, 10:45:22 AM »
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  • Not a sex scene... but the scene I read in Mistborn last night made me shudder...

    The scene where Vin and Eland dance for the first time... the quickening heart, the beauty, the oh my goodness he is wonderful...

    No... couldn't stand that...

    And you guys know how much I like Sanderson... But... that was not my kinda of seen!
    Founder: http://fantasy-faction.com
    Editor: Fantasy-Faction Anthology (Aug 2014)
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    cherie

    Re: Cheesiest Fantasy Sex Scene
    « Reply #13 on: August 24, 2011, 11:05:19 AM »
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  • As well as Laurel K. Hamilton, there's JR Ward, Christine Freehan and I'm sure plenty of others who like to have a little bit of story with their sex, rather than a little bit of sex with their story.

    For example, the one Christine Freehan book I picked up (please don't ask me why, it just seemed like a good idea at the time) there was the whole 'he's in my head reading my mind - he's got so much PAIN - I must comfort him' in the first chapter, the second chapter she's gone to his secret hideaway and you can guess what they're doing by the end of that same chapter... needless to say, I didn't bother reading any further than that.  :D
    book addict

    Gariath

    Re: Cheesiest Fantasy Sex Scene
    « Reply #14 on: August 24, 2011, 02:09:10 PM »
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  • Robert Jordan also has his obsession with paddling the backsides of women! Men do it, women do it to each other . . . And probably Old Oliver did it to Harriet.                 But, Rothfuss really took the cake with the 30something hot female Adem fighting instructor on noticing the arousal of her 16/17 year old pupil, "You can not concentrate on your training while so aroused, lets retreat to the bushes and dampen your ardour."               and just to make Overlord feel better, Scott Lynch had the other characters in Red Seas not want to sleep in the cabin next door to Jean and his girl cos they had very loud sex. A gag that tickled him so much he had it come up in conversations between characters several bloody times!     
    The last Rhega.

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