Fantasy Faction

Fantasy Faction => Fantasy Book & Author Discussion => Topic started by: JMack on February 03, 2015, 12:55:27 AM

Title: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on February 03, 2015, 12:55:27 AM

If you've never checked it out, www.fwfr.com is a wonderful way to waste a few minutes chuckling.
The idea is to create a film review in four words.
Example: For Star Wars, episode 1 "The Phantom Menace", people have sent in:

So, I think we could have some fun doing four word reviews of fantasy novels, movies, games, etc.

My first tries in the next post.

Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on February 03, 2015, 01:01:17 AM
The Hobbit
4 word reviews:


OK, probably not very good.  But there are some smart people on this site.  Have at it!  Pick your favorite work to ridicule or praise!
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Raptori on February 03, 2015, 01:11:00 AM
Most of them seem more like four word summaries rather than reviews  :P

Some of them are really good though, love the "16 years for this?!" Star Wars one especially :D
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Elfy on February 03, 2015, 02:30:19 AM
Most of them seem more like four word summaries rather than reviews  :P

Some of them are really good though, love the "16 years for this?!" Star Wars one especially :D
I quite liked the Gungan review, number 2: meesa thinksa movie stinksa!
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Raptori on February 03, 2015, 02:33:23 AM
I quite liked the Gungan review, number 2: meesa thinksa movie stinksa!
Lol yeah that one too :D

Got one for Avatar (the film): Seen this before, twice.

I actually enjoyed it in spite of that but still... :P
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Elfy on February 03, 2015, 02:40:12 AM
I quite liked the Gungan review, number 2: meesa thinksa movie stinksa!
Lol yeah that one too :D

Got one for Avatar (the film): Seen this before, twice.

I actually enjoyed it in spite of that but still... :P
I could do Avatar, too: Dances With Wolves...Aliens. I too enjoyed the film, but boy did it shamelessly rip off other things.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Raptori on February 03, 2015, 02:58:49 AM
I could do Avatar, too: Dances With Wolves...Aliens. I too enjoyed the film, but boy did it shamelessly rip off other things.
Haha yeah, or "Pocohontas is an alien".
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Elfy on February 03, 2015, 03:37:11 AM
I could do Avatar, too: Dances With Wolves...Aliens. I too enjoyed the film, but boy did it shamelessly rip off other things.
Haha yeah, or "Pocohontas is an alien".
That also works.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: hyptonize on February 03, 2015, 09:20:57 AM
Gardens of the Moon:
WHAT... WHY? HUH? End.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Idlewilder on February 03, 2015, 10:42:43 AM
The Name of the Wind:

Arrogant man tells story.
Title: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nino on February 03, 2015, 11:42:24 AM

The Name of the Wind:

Arrogant man tells story.

Good one!
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on February 03, 2015, 11:44:50 AM
The Mistborn Trilogy:

Three book magic explanation

Or

Wanna play my RPG?
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nighteyes on February 03, 2015, 10:35:26 PM
The Tawny Man Trilogy by Robin Hobb

Makes grown man cry.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on February 03, 2015, 10:51:22 PM
That makes me want to read it.  Wonderful?
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Raptori on February 04, 2015, 12:38:34 AM
That makes me want to read it.  Wonderful?
You haven't?  :o

Lucky you, for two reasons. One: it's great (all of the ROTE books are, particularly Liveships) so if you do choose to read it then you're in for a treat. Two: I'm fairly sure that it's ruined the vast majority of fantasy for me, because everything else just seems shallow in comparison.

Have you read any Hobb at all?

ROTE review: I love these books  ;D
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on February 04, 2015, 01:06:28 AM
I read the first Assassin trilogy some years ago and remember enjoying it a great deal, though for some reason the ending didn't satisff as much as I'd like.  I haven't read any of the others yet, but sounds like I need to start over and then keep going!
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Raptori on February 04, 2015, 01:55:02 AM
Yeah I think I had the same feeling from the first trilogy, actually. Definitely worth an attempt at carrying on, they have some of the most enduring characters I've encountered, and Liveships is hands down the best fantasy trilogy I've ever read :)
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Ryan Mueller on February 04, 2015, 06:05:13 AM
A Game of Thrones

Brutal fantasy soap opera.

The Wheel of Time

Don't read book ten.

The Wise Man's Fear

Fairy queen sex section.

The Warded Man

Killing demons is awesome.

The Sword of Shannara

Is this Middle Earth?

Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on February 04, 2015, 11:04:41 AM
A Game of Thrones

Brutal fantasy soap opera.

The Wheel of Time

Don't read book ten.

The Wise Man's Fear

Fairy queen sex section.

The Warded Man

Killing demons is awesome.

The Sword of Shannara

Is this Middle Earth?
These are the best so far!  I love the Shannara quip.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Saraband on February 04, 2015, 12:18:06 PM
Eragon
Star Wars meets LOTR

Prince of Thorns
Psycho prince wants vengeance

Prince of Fools
Coward prince goes viking

Alice in Wonderland
Young girl takes acid

First Law Trilogy
Rooting for sadistic torturer

A Song of Ice and Fire
Sex, wine and beheadings
English "history" version 2.0
Something is almost coming

These are all I could think of, my brain is freezing from the cold :P
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on February 04, 2015, 12:33:11 PM
Alice in Wonderland
Young girl takes acid
Awesome.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: ScarletBea on February 04, 2015, 01:13:15 PM
Loving Ryan's and Miguel's ;D
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Elfy on February 04, 2015, 10:41:48 PM
Alice in Wonderland
Young girl takes acid
Awesome.
That one could also read: older writer takes acid.

Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: ravenoak on February 04, 2015, 10:54:20 PM
The Slow Regard of Silent Things:
OCD Autistic Child Wanders.
;)
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on February 04, 2015, 11:10:29 PM
Lord of the Rings:
Sorry, Martin - still greatest

Original trilogy - six books
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Elfy on February 04, 2015, 11:26:58 PM
Love Ryan's for Wheel of Time, you could just about market the series on that.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Hedin on February 06, 2015, 03:00:26 PM
The Name of the Wind:

Arrogant man tells story.

The Wise Man's Fear:

Arrogant man gets laid.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on February 06, 2015, 03:09:55 PM
The Name of the Wind:

Arrogant man tells story.

The Wise Man's Fear:

Arrogant man gets laid.

ROFL
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Brother of the Sixth Order on February 08, 2015, 02:05:49 PM
Review of The Written by Ben Galley

Mage has many problems
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Anti_Quated on February 12, 2015, 08:53:35 PM
Lord of the Rings:
Sorry, Martin - still greatest

Original trilogy - six books

Absolutely.

ASOIAF
Much Rape, Winter's Late

Tales of the Otori
Orphan Gets Ninja Skills

Test of the Twins
I've Read This Elsewhere

Gemmell's Legend
Druss Is A Dude
Ponce Becomes Hard Core
Baresark - Just Say Berserk

Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on March 08, 2015, 03:01:55 AM
Traitor's Blade:

Fun read,  even though...

Three musketeers meets Sanderson

New Greatcoats from where?!

Women save with sex

People do uncharacteristic things

Awesome demon horse (oh, wait that's only three words   ;D )
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Mr.J on March 10, 2015, 01:18:53 PM
Broken Homes - Ben Aaronovitch

Urban council flat magic

Holy shit the Twist.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: shieldfire on March 10, 2015, 09:05:34 PM
Prometheus:

How is plot logical?
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Elfy on March 11, 2015, 12:01:46 AM
Soda Pop Soldier: Lots of big explosions.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: ScarletBea on March 11, 2015, 07:55:16 AM
The glass books of the dream eaters
Non-heiress, assassin, doctor, together.


Duncton Chronicles
Moles on epic adventure.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Shimrod on March 11, 2015, 08:34:59 AM
The Name of the Wind:

Arrogant man tells story.

The Wise Man's Fear:

Arrogant man gets laid.

What about seven words
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on March 11, 2015, 09:14:25 AM
The Name of the Wind:

Arrogant man tells story.

The Wise Man's Fear:

Arrogant man gets laid.

What about seven words
Is that a review or a question?  ;D
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: onceWICKED on March 12, 2015, 04:27:55 PM
The Autumn Republic
big huge let down
City of Stairs
what the fuck Bulikov
The First Law(1-3)
everyone makes unheroic decisions
The Magicians
four words not enough

Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on March 12, 2015, 04:36:19 PM
The First Law(1-3)
everyone makes unheroic decisions
I haven't read the book and I still think that's funny

Quote
The Magicians
four words not enough
Now I'm curious.
Four not enough because... It sucks!
Or four not enough because It's wonderful!
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nora on March 16, 2015, 12:33:39 PM
Prometheus:

How is plot logical?

Or :
Why touch it, d**head?!
Run to the side
Srsly who cares anymore
Glad I pirated it
Prometheus, your trailer lied
White blorb wants hantai
Take in my tentacles
Why nothing makes sense
D**khead snake wants cuddles
Black goo spiced cocktail
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Doctor_Chill on March 16, 2015, 03:45:48 PM
Prometheus:

How is plot logical?

....I actually liked movie. :)
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: onceWICKED on March 16, 2015, 08:09:11 PM
Quote
The Magicians
four words not enough
Now I'm curious.
Four not enough because... It sucks!
Or four not enough because It's wonderful!
Most people hate the Magicians because most (not all) of the mysteries and plots end realistically (badly or depressingly as they say). But the writing is great, it has the deepest most alive characters I've read and the story is so unique and.awesome. Its currently my "the best book I have ever read."
 It's wonderful!
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Elfy on March 16, 2015, 11:30:35 PM
Prometheus:

How is plot logical?

Or :
Why touch it, d**head?!
Run to the side
Srsly who cares anymore
Glad I pirated it
Prometheus, your trailer lied
White blorb wants hantai
Take in my tentacles
Why nothing makes sense
D**khead snake wants cuddles
Black goo spiced cocktail
Absolutely loved 'run to the side'. I remember sitting there in the cinema, both Lejays17 and I screaming at the screen,  'run to the side!'
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nora on March 17, 2015, 02:20:24 AM
Yes! Because I was viewing it on my computer, at that stage I was knitting. I distinctly remember putting my needles down to watch this scene and thinking "seriously? In the whole crew who worked on that shoot and its special effects, no one saw this or convinced R. Scott that this was indecent?

Hell that movie had amazing potential. I'm still angry about it!

Dr Chill, that's alright to like it. Have you seen the Cinemasins video about it, "everything wrong with Prometheus"? They murder it a bit. The honest trailer on it is also mint!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBaKqOMGPWc&feature=youtube_gdata

Here for Interstellar :

Mind blown to pieces
Still thinking about it
Still re-piecing my mind
Worth owning a theatre
Music makes me cry
Die Michael Caine die
Stop force fed poetry
All blackholes are beautiful
Surfer dudes on Miller
Wave of a lifetime
Matt Damon meets frozen
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on March 17, 2015, 02:33:32 AM
Honest trailer was very funny.  But what is the "run to the left" business?
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nora on March 17, 2015, 02:49:46 AM
As the honest trailer quickly mentions too, one of the character in the end runs away from a crashing spaceship. Imagine the spaceship to be a wheel, the character a mouse and the landscape a flat road. In the movie the character-mouse gets squished because she suddenly seems to forget how to run to the right or left... When nothing stops her from doing so. It's pretty blatant :

(https://davegolder2005.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/prometheus-run-to-the-side.png)
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: ScarletBea on March 17, 2015, 12:49:45 PM
Oh we see that everywhere! People are being chased by heavy moving things, and instead of simply getting out of the way by moving left or right, no, they continue straight ahead trying to outrun them... with the wrong results, of course ::)
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Hedin on March 18, 2015, 05:01:00 AM
Quote
The Magicians
four words not enough
Now I'm curious.
Four not enough because... It sucks!
Or four not enough because It's wonderful!
Most people hate the Magicians because most (not all) of the mysteries and plots end realistically (badly or depressingly as they say). But the writing is great, it has the deepest most alive characters I've read and the story is so unique and.awesome. Its currently my "the best book I have ever read."
 It's wonderful!

My 4 letter review of The Magicians would go:

Great, good, went bad

I loved the first part, the middle kept me interested, and the end lost me.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: K.B. Adams on March 19, 2015, 06:11:19 PM
The Postman (film)

Boys will be boys
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on March 19, 2015, 06:34:52 PM
The Postman (film)

Boys will be boys
That's a really interesting take on it.  :)
Hmmm... how about:

Really preferred the book
Final slow-mo just embarrassing

Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Saraband on March 21, 2015, 11:41:51 AM
Just remembered one for The Lord of the Rings:

A treaty on aurophilia
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nora on March 21, 2015, 12:03:41 PM
Just remembered one for The Lord of the Rings:

A treaty on aurophilia

Did anyone already cover
New Zealand tourism ad?
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Raptori on March 21, 2015, 01:11:34 PM
Just remembered one for The Lord of the Rings:

A treaty on aurophilia
Just googled "aurophilia" - in what way is LOTR a treat on the attraction between gold atoms (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aurophilicity)?  :o
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Saraband on March 21, 2015, 04:03:29 PM
Just remembered one for The Lord of the Rings:

A treaty on aurophilia
Just googled "aurophilia" - in what way is LOTR a treat on the attraction between gold atoms (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aurophilicity)?  :o

Well, auro -> gold, and philia -> love. It was a term often used by Medieval Christian scholars to criticize avarice / plunder / usury and things such as those. I think it also applies to golden jewelry, as is the case  ;)
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Raptori on March 21, 2015, 04:08:14 PM
Just remembered one for The Lord of the Rings:

A treaty on aurophilia
Just googled "aurophilia" - in what way is LOTR a treat on the attraction between gold atoms (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aurophilicity)?  :o

Well, auro -> gold, and philia -> love. It was a term often used by Medieval Christian scholars to criticize avarice / plunder / usury and things such as those. I think it also applies to golden jewelry, as is the case  ;)
Ahh I see, makes sense.  :)
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Rostum on April 08, 2015, 06:33:48 PM
A review was written for the 1990 film Memphis Belle which just stated "They get back" Superb spoiler for a lacklustre film. I wish I could find who penned it.

Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Elfy on April 09, 2015, 12:31:55 AM
Just remembered one for The Lord of the Rings:

A treaty on aurophilia

Did anyone already cover
New Zealand tourism ad?
Oh yes! That is so true. It may only be relevant to those of us in the antipodes, though.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: ScarletBea on April 09, 2015, 07:40:21 AM
Just remembered one for The Lord of the Rings:

A treaty on aurophilia

Did anyone already cover
New Zealand tourism ad?
Oh yes! That is so true. It may only be relevant to those of us in the antipodes, though.

Not sure about that, I believe that holidays to New Zealand increased *a lot* because of the films.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nora on April 09, 2015, 08:39:32 AM
Totally agree with ScarletBea on this one.
A lot of people discovered what New Zealand looked like through those movies. And having spent a year there, I can't impress on you how much "hobbiton" is a thing for backpacking travelers from around the world.
I haven't been. It's expensive and I don't care :-D

Anyone has seen the horror movie called "May"
As a Hand partialist myself (body fetish), I would sum it up like this :

Hand fetish gone wrong...
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Elfy on April 09, 2015, 11:50:41 PM
Totally agree with ScarletBea on this one.
A lot of people discovered what New Zealand looked like through those movies. And having spent a year there, I can't impress on you how much "hobbiton" is a thing for backpacking travelers from around the world.
I haven't been. It's expensive and I don't care :-D

Anyone has seen the horror movie called "May"
As a Hand partialist myself (body fetish), I would sum it up like this :

Hand fetish gone wrong...
Hobbiton was awesome. We went there a few years back. But all of New Zealand is awesome anyway. I 'm convinced our own Tasmania is a bit of it that broke off and floated over, it's very similar to NZ in some places, just without the inconvenient volcanoes and earthquakes.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Raptori on April 10, 2015, 12:02:10 AM
Totally agree with ScarletBea on this one.
A lot of people discovered what New Zealand looked like through those movies. And having spent a year there, I can't impress on you how much "hobbiton" is a thing for backpacking travelers from around the world.
I haven't been. It's expensive and I don't care :-D

Anyone has seen the horror movie called "May"
As a Hand partialist myself (body fetish), I would sum it up like this :

Hand fetish gone wrong...
Hobbiton was awesome. We went there a few years back. But all of New Zealand is awesome anyway. I 'm convinced our own Tasmania is a bit of it that broke off and floated over, it's very similar to NZ in some places, just without the inconvenient volcanoes and earthquakes.
We're tempted to move to NZ, actually. We would qualify for a special skills visa with ease, since we're both graphic/web designers, and that's on their future growth list. So much about it sounds perfect - lots of nature (if you're in the right place), beautiful scenery, the kind of climate we like, fewer people...

It's just a shame that it would cost an insane amount of money to physically move there. It cost us a few thousand just to move from England to Finland, and back then we only had half as much stuff and two cats instead of four cats and two dogs. Don't even want to think about how much it'd cost to move halfway around the world.  :-\
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nora on April 10, 2015, 01:02:37 AM
I'm personally mildly depressed ever since I failed to immigrate in NZ. Wellington is the single freaking best city I ever lived in. It's like a village city. It's awesome. To no freaking end.
Watch What We Do In The Shadows, it's a mockumentary on Vampires flatting in Wellington, with Taika Waititi (who directed Boy) and Jemaine Clement (from flight of the conchords). It's brilliant.
Even Melbourne doesn't please me half as much as Wellington did. I never had such a rich and happy social life as I did in Welli. I'm sure the village feeling gets on your nerves after 10 years of it, but then for a few hundred bucks you get a return ticket to spend a week in melbourne or sydney and tire yourself from crowds..

I'll work on going back down there. Totally fell in love with it.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Elfy on April 10, 2015, 01:05:35 AM
I'm personally mildly depressed ever since I failed to immigrate in NZ. Wellington is the single freaking best city I ever lived in. It's like a village city. It's awesome. To no freaking end.
Watch What We Do In The Shadows, it's a mockumentary on Vampires flatting in Wellington, with Taika Waititi (who directed Boy) and Jemaine Clement (from flight of the conchords). It's brilliant.
Even Melbourne doesn't please me half as much as Wellington did. I never had such a rich and happy social life as I did in Welli. I'm sure the village feeling gets on your nerves after 10 years of it, but then for a few hundred bucks you get a return ticket to spend a week in melbourne or sydney and tire yourself from crowds..

I'll work on going back down there. Totally fell in love with it.
Try Tassie, Nora. Hobart has that feel to it, and the people down there are among the friendliest I've ever encountered.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nora on April 10, 2015, 01:22:26 AM
Australia is even harder to immigrate to, especially for someone like me who is self employed, self trained, with no higher diploma of value. No point getting myself even more depressed by liking it as a second Wellington... But I'll probably get down there next year because the rock climbing is epic in Tassie. 
However a big part of what makes NZ so amazing is the fantastic blend of people, maoris and pakeas living together with incredibly little strain. And also the crazy, cheap but sweet second hand shops. Vintage clothing and op-shops are just the stuff of legend! :¬p
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Elfy on April 10, 2015, 01:31:04 AM
Australia is even harder to immigrate to, especially for someone like me who is self employed, self trained, with no higher diploma of value. No point getting myself even more depressed by liking it as a second Wellington... But I'll probably get down there next year because the rock climbing is epic in Tassie. 
However a big part of what makes NZ so amazing is the fantastic blend of people, maoris and pakeas living together with incredibly little strain. And also the crazy, cheap but sweet second hand shops. Vintage clothing and op-shops are just the stuff of legend! :¬p
Ah yes, but Hobart has the Salamanca Market every Saturday!
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on April 10, 2015, 01:33:48 AM
Australia is even harder to immigrate to, especially for someone like me who is self employed, self trained, with no higher diploma of value. No point getting myself even more depressed by liking it as a second Wellington... But I'll probably get down there next year because the rock climbing is epic in Tassie. 
However a big part of what makes NZ so amazing is the fantastic blend of people, maoris and pakeas living together with incredibly little strain. And also the crazy, cheap but sweet second hand shops. Vintage clothing and op-shops are just the stuff of legend! :¬p
Pakeas?
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nora on April 10, 2015, 01:34:52 AM
Australia is even harder to immigrate to, especially for someone like me who is self employed, self trained, with no higher diploma of value. No point getting myself even more depressed by liking it as a second Wellington... But I'll probably get down there next year because the rock climbing is epic in Tassie. 
However a big part of what makes NZ so amazing is the fantastic blend of people, maoris and pakeas living together with incredibly little strain. And also the crazy, cheap but sweet second hand shops. Vintage clothing and op-shops are just the stuff of legend! :¬p
Pakeas?

White people.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Raptori on April 10, 2015, 01:39:15 AM
Yeah it's impossible to move to Australia. My dad is Australian, has been for twenty years, and still I have no chance of getting a visa for anything more than just a working holiday. That's why it was so surprising to find we'd be able to get in to NZ, usually we designers aren't valued particularly highly! My dad got in to Aus because he was classed as "distinguished talent" I think (this one? (https://www.immi.gov.au/Visas/Pages/124.aspx)), which is something I doubt I'll ever get...
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Takoren on May 03, 2015, 08:38:04 PM
The Last Page by Anthony Huso:

Wish title was accurate.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Takoren on May 03, 2015, 10:20:40 PM
The Belgariad: Standard characters beat villain

The Mallorean: It all happens again

Prince of Nothing: Everyone is an asshole

Broken Empire: Joffrey Baratheon with brains

Sword of Shannara: Lord of the Rings
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on May 04, 2015, 12:02:56 AM
The Belgariad: Standard characters beat villain

The Mallorean: It all happens again

Prince of Nothing: Everyone is an asshole

Broken Empire: Joffrey Baratheon with brains

Sword of Shannara: Lord of the Rings
@Takoren (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40331) posts great reviews!
That was four too.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Takoren on May 04, 2015, 12:44:09 AM
Thanks! This is fun.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nora on May 04, 2015, 05:37:21 PM
Mistborn 1 :

Mordor meets Italian job.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: aidan on May 04, 2015, 08:01:19 PM
Dragonsbane by Barbara Hambly.

Windswept, cold, beautiful, regret.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: B.T. Lowry on July 11, 2015, 07:04:36 AM
Words of Radiance
Learning flying energy battles
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: tebakutis on July 20, 2015, 09:41:03 PM
The Sword of Shannara "review" made me giggle, and I loved that book. It also occurs to me that at least some of these 4-Word Reviews would make great jacket quotes, as well.

Contributions from my recent reading list:

Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson
Superman is a jerk.

Iroshi by Cary Osborne
Psychic ninjas solve disputes.

American Craftsmen by Tom Doyle
All militaries use magic.

And an older one, since they're making an MTV show out of it.

Elfstones of Shannara by Terry Brooks
There's a demonic Terminator.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on July 20, 2015, 10:01:54 PM
A Crown for Cold Silver

"Why not Cold Cobalt?" (the term cold silver never shows up in the book; cold cobalt is the nom de guerre of the main character)

"Old soldiers never die"

"When is book two?"  ;D
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JoeWalter on August 02, 2015, 10:06:11 PM
A Song of Ice and Fire
Not another Sansa Chapter

Stormlight Archive
Am I done yet?
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Takoren on August 12, 2015, 10:18:34 PM
First Law: Hey, Tolkien, eat this!

Wizard's First Rule: Consistency? What is that?

Stone of Tears: Richard is always right.

Blood of the Fold: Richard wrong? See above.

Temple of the Winds: Rape ALL the women!

Soul of the Fire: Evil chicken. Enough said.

Faith of the Fallen: Freaking STATUE inspires revolt.

Pillars of Creation: What's with the goat?

Naked Empire: "Hatred of moral clarity??"

A Song of Ice & Fire: Death, death, sex, DEATH

Iron Tower: A hack rewrites LOTR
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Ryan Mueller on August 13, 2015, 01:08:55 AM
Mistborn: The Dark Lord won.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: tebakutis on August 13, 2015, 01:25:02 AM
Quote
First Law: Hey, Tolkien, eat this!

Wizard's First Rule: Consistency? What is that?

Stone of Tears: Richard is always right.

Blood of the Fold: Richard wrong? See above.

Temple of the Winds: Rape ALL the women!

Soul of the Fire: Evil chicken. Enough said.

Faith of the Fallen: Freaking STATUE inspires revolt.

Pillars of Creation: What's with the goat?

Naked Empire: "Hatred of moral clarity??"

These actually made me chuckle. Well done, sir.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Jonathan B Evans on August 13, 2015, 09:21:06 PM
Rise of the Valiant Book 2 of Kings and Sorcerers by Morgan Rice

100% cliffhanger chapter endings

Unless 100% is cheating
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on August 13, 2015, 10:22:50 PM
Unless 100% is cheating

I like that ^  ;) ;D
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Stephen_Stone on August 14, 2015, 01:56:18 AM
The Name of the Wind:

Can it go slower?
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Takoren on August 14, 2015, 02:29:50 PM
Quote
First Law: Hey, Tolkien, eat this!

Wizard's First Rule: Consistency? What is that?

Stone of Tears: Richard is always right.

Blood of the Fold: Richard wrong? See above.

Temple of the Winds: Rape ALL the women!

Soul of the Fire: Evil chicken. Enough said.

Faith of the Fallen: Freaking STATUE inspires revolt.

Pillars of Creation: What's with the goat?

Naked Empire: "Hatred of moral clarity??"

These actually made me chuckle. Well done, sir.
Thanks. In all fairness I like First Law and ASOIAF, but I couldn't resist ripping into SOT.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: ClintACK on September 03, 2015, 08:05:05 PM

The Martian: Potato farming in tents.

The Stranger: Ain't no secrets online.

Elfstones of Shannara: Trees get no love.


Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Yora on September 05, 2015, 10:46:04 AM
The Sword of Destiny: Last Wish was better.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: ultamentkiller on September 05, 2015, 04:50:29 PM
Dinosaur Lords: Less dinosaurs, more lords.
A Song of Ice and Fire: You like, they die.
Elantris: Damn that's gonna hurt.
Night Angel Trilogy: Next event discretely foreshadowed. If you reread that series, you will see.
First Law: Everyone's got mental problems.
Mortality Doctrine: Is this even real?
City of Stairs: Gods can be brainwashed.
City of The Lost: This zombie is heartless!
Ericc Carterr: It's always Mrs. Death.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on September 05, 2015, 04:52:45 PM
Dinosaur Lords: Less dinosaurs, more lords.
A Song of Ice and Fire: You like, they die.
Elantris: Damn that's gonna hurt.
Night Angel Trilogy: Next event discretely foreshadowed. If you reread that series, you will see.
First Law: Everyone's got mental problems.
Mortality Doctrine: Is this even real?
City of Stairs: Gods can be brainwashed.
City of The Lost: This zombie is heartless!
Ericc Carterr: It's always Mrs. Death.

There are just great, and I haven't read half of these!  :D
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: ClintACK on September 06, 2015, 08:05:01 AM
Three Parts Dead: Gods are like corporations.
The Compleat Traveller in Black: One Nature, Many Names.
I am Not a Serial Killer: Of humans, at least.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Mr.J on October 07, 2015, 11:28:38 PM
ASSASSIN'S APPRENTICE/Robin Hobb: Assassin, bastard, dogs, fun.

WYTCHES VOLUME ONE/Scott Snyder & Jock: Very creepy and beautiful .

THE DAYLIGHT GATE/Jeanette Winterson: LGBT sex, demons, some rape.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nora on October 08, 2015, 12:43:11 AM
The Martian : Scott's apologies for Prometheus
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nighteyes on October 08, 2015, 08:08:37 AM
The Martian : Scott's apologies for Prometheus

The Martian: Book is much better

Actually that applies to a lot of films ...

Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Mr.J on October 08, 2015, 02:20:16 PM
Beastings - Benjamin Myers: Need to lie down
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Alex on October 18, 2015, 03:26:56 PM
A Halloween Tale - Austin Crawley: Dickens' ghosts aren't nice
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: ultamentkiller on October 23, 2015, 12:11:00 AM
Riyria Revelations. Where are we going?

In case you don't get it, play the Dora theme song in your head.
Love that series though. Pick it up if you haven't!
Title: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on October 23, 2015, 02:44:09 AM

Riyria Revelations. Where are we going?

In case you don't get it, play the Dora theme song in your head.
Love that series though. Pick it up if you haven't!
On book 6 Perpliquis right now.
Really enjoying.
But no clue about Dora song. Please enlighten?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: ultamentkiller on October 24, 2015, 02:00:41 AM
Dora The explorer is an American TV show for kids. Or, it was. Anyway, it was about this spanish-speaking girl who always had to find something, and there was this Fox that would try to ruin everything named Swiper. It was one of those interactive shows. For example, to get Swiper to go away, Dora would tell the kids watching to scream, "Swiper no swiping!"
If you think it sounds bad, you are not mistaken. In the theme song, Dora would ask, "Where are we going?" You were supposed to reply with the destination for that episode. For example, "Where are we going?" "To the shadowy mountain!" 
You should really look the theme song up. Its a horror everyone should experience at least once.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: hyptonize on November 13, 2015, 03:36:03 PM
Words of Radiance, Brandon Sanderson: "Is Kaladin a Super-Saiyan?"
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: ultamentkiller on November 14, 2015, 01:39:13 AM
Okay, so I'm cheating here.
The Broken Empire: Do you wanna know how I got these scars?
Or...
The Broken Empire: Why, so, serious?
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: supernatural_girl on November 16, 2015, 06:01:15 PM
The Fallen Series by Lauren Kate

Sweet ending, awesome series!
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Michael R. Fletcher on February 16, 2016, 10:34:00 PM
The Price of Valor by Django Wexler: Best of great series.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Shay_Fox on February 19, 2016, 10:24:54 PM
Gardens of the Moon:
WHAT... WHY? HUH? End.

haha that's good one :D
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nora on February 24, 2016, 12:35:55 AM
Alloy of Law, Shadows of Self...

So many bullet casings.



Seriously, Wax uses SO MANY of them to propel himself, it's totally unrealistic, it seems he has 10 or 20 of the things in his pockets, but when someone pushes or pulls on him, they're never around to be discarded. A bit of a boring plot device.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: ultamentkiller on February 24, 2016, 03:15:52 AM
Could be wrong, but I only remember him dropping one or two. The rest of the time he shot a bullet into the ground and used the casing from that.
I think someone should've been accidentally shot though. You can't just run around shooting bullets downward and not expect casualties.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nora on February 24, 2016, 03:32:24 AM
Could be wrong, but I only remember him dropping one or two. The rest of the time he shot a bullet into the ground and used the casing from that.
I think someone should've been accidentally shot though. You can't just run around shooting bullets downward and not expect casualties.

Yes dear, youre wrong.  ;D The moment I read the expression twice, I started counting. He does it all the time. Like Vin and Kelsier used cheap coins from logical coin purses, Wax uses a shit-ton of bullet casings. In Bands of Mourning's first chapter he uses two already.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Sam Bowring on March 22, 2016, 04:18:03 AM
Any book in the Cthulu Mythos:

See nothing, be terrified
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on March 22, 2016, 11:01:30 AM
Any book in the Cthulu Mythos:

See nothing, be terrified
excellent.

Though one time I read The Dunwich Horror aloud to my wife and daughter. It was about an hour of derisive laughter and cries of "are we there yet?" And "this has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

So they would give a four word review of:

See nothing, bored silly
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Mr.J on March 22, 2016, 09:04:28 PM
Any book in the Cthulu Mythos:

See nothing, be terrified
excellent.

Though one time I read The Dunwich Horror aloud to my wife and daughter. It was about an hour of derisive laughter and cries of "are we there yet?" And "this has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

So they would give a four word review of:

See nothing, bored silly
In that case highly recommend The Ballad of Black Tom, a really fantastic subversion and proper telling of the Lovecraftian story from the perspective he would never have even considered. They would definitely like it I think :)
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Sam Bowring on March 30, 2016, 12:37:28 PM
Any book in the Cthulu Mythos:

See nothing, be terrified
excellent.

Though one time I read The Dunwich Horror aloud to my wife and daughter. It was about an hour of derisive laughter and cries of "are we there yet?" And "this has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

So they would give a four word review of:

See nothing, bored silly

Were you doing the reading in some kind of ridiculous hat? That can take away the tone of these things, I have found! Also a silly voice undermines the horror somewhat.

And Mr.J I'll check out Black Tom, thanks for the tip.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on March 30, 2016, 01:18:04 PM
Any book in the Cthulu Mythos:

See nothing, be terrified
excellent.

Though one time I read The Dunwich Horror aloud to my wife and daughter. It was about an hour of derisive laughter and cries of "are we there yet?" And "this has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

So they would give a four word review of:

See nothing, bored silly

Were you doing the reading in some kind of ridiculous hat? That can take away the tone of these things, I have found! Also a silly voice undermines the horror somewhat.


Darn. Forgot about the hat. It keeps ruining things.
(http://i.imgur.com/eJ79qki.jpg)
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Peat on April 08, 2016, 10:11:16 PM
Feist's Magician:
Humble boys become badasses

SoIaF:
Your favourite character dies

Belgariad:
Feel good pop song

The First Law:
Everyone can be broken

The Hobbit:
Bilbo grows some balls
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Ryan Mueller on April 08, 2016, 10:50:36 PM
Words of Radiance.

Working Title was Funnier.


(The working title was The Book of Endless Pages, and when you consider that the book itself is over 1,000 pages long...)
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on April 10, 2016, 12:30:24 PM
Feist's Magician:
Humble boys become badasses

SoIaF:
Your favourite character dies

Belgariad:
Feel good pop song

The First Law:
Everyone can be broken

The Hobbit:
Bilbo grows some balls

Love these  ;D
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Peat on April 10, 2016, 04:52:24 PM
A few more

Terry Pratchett's Witches books:
Being good causes bitchiness

Terry Pratchett's City Guard books:
Never giving up works

Kushiel's Dart:
Kinkiness saves the day

Bridge of Birds:
Look behind the mask

Dresden Files:
Wiseass overcomes frequent beatings

Left Hand of God:
Droppings of the devil
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Brother of the Sixth Order on May 02, 2016, 11:39:45 AM
Black Cross by J P Ashman

Good intentions have consequences
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Takoren on May 25, 2016, 11:04:38 PM
The Black Company series by Glen Cook:

Reader riveted, narrator bored.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: DaniMcDani on June 10, 2016, 03:56:01 AM
Wow -- I joined this forum as soon as I saw this hilarious thread.  Made me want to write some of my own reviews:

The Name of the Wind  (Rothfuss)
Harry Potter for Adults

The Republic of Thieves (Lynch)
Witty Hero, Annoying Ex 

Red Sails Under Red Skies  (Lynch)
Bro-mance tops the Romance

The Way of Kings (Sanderson)
Ben-Hur meets Tinkerbell 
OR
Tinkerbell:  My Story

Elantris  (Sanderson)
I only remember mud

The Ocean at the End of the Lane  (Gaiman)
Best Part: Kitten Field!
 
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: JMack on June 10, 2016, 11:43:55 AM
Wow -- I joined this forum as soon as I saw this hilarious thread.  Made me want to write some of my own reviews:

The Name of the Wind  (Rothfuss)
Harry Potter for Adults

The Republic of Thieves (Lynch)
Witty Hero, Annoying Ex 

Red Sails Under Red Skies  (Lynch)
Bro-mance tops the Romance

The Way of Kings (Sanderson)
Ben-Hur meets Tinkerbell 
OR
Tinkerbell:  My Story

Elantris  (Sanderson)
I only remember mud

The Ocean at the End of the Lane  (Gaiman)
Best Part: Kitten Field!
 

Love these!

I haven't done one for awhile. How about:

Captain America:Civil War
"Pause for Spiderman advert"

Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Rostum on July 11, 2016, 08:42:46 PM
The Battle Of The Five Armies movie (Hobbit part iii)

What The F**K, Jackson
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Quill on July 11, 2016, 10:13:05 PM
The Never-ending Story:

It does actually end.

alternatively:

Ironic author name, right?
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: AnnaStephens on July 12, 2016, 01:53:54 PM
The Skull Throne, Peter v Brett:

That's never the ending?!?!?
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nighteyes on July 16, 2016, 12:20:22 PM
The Battle Of The Five Armies movie (Hobbit part iii)

What The F**K, Jackson

You tell him, @Rostum (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=40251)
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Peat on July 16, 2016, 02:26:54 PM
Rivers of London - River Goddesses Are Hot

Redwall - Don't mess with badgers

Elenium - Everyone's a smart ass


Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: The Gem Cutter on November 06, 2016, 10:10:29 PM
Prince, King, and Emperor of Thrones:  Yes, please. More please.
Lies of Locke Lamora:   Awesome - D&D Ocean's Eleven!
Lord of the Rings: Too awesome four words.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Lordoftheword on November 17, 2016, 07:56:39 PM
Just finished this book so..

Pillars of the Earth - Just die already William!
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Nora on November 17, 2016, 08:19:47 PM
Lines for Hannibal :

Someone Help Will Graham

No, Not You Hannibal!!

Refuse Any Diner Invitations

Commit Malpractice, Eat People

Eating Free Range Rude

Forbrydelsen :

Hold Kæft Pernille Birk-Larsen!
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: S. K. Inkslinger on December 22, 2016, 05:39:31 AM
A Song of Ice and Fire: Stabby, swearing, sexy, dying
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: ultamentkiller on December 22, 2016, 02:43:36 PM
The Dresden Files. I got captured again.
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: OnlyOneHighlander on April 17, 2018, 09:55:59 PM
Deep Blue Sea (film) - shark sandwich

Under Major Domo Minor (Patrick De Witt): A Wes Anderson film book
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: Slaykomimi on August 23, 2018, 10:45:51 AM
Lord of the Rings: Orders Pipe on Amazon
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: isos81 on July 12, 2019, 11:59:30 AM
Malazan:

GoT Season 8:
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: S. K. Inkslinger on August 16, 2019, 08:30:08 AM
Malazan:
  • Most badass characters ever
  • Write more Steven Eriksson
  • First in Last Out

GoT Season 8:
  • She is my queen
  • I don't want it
  • Benioff and Weiss suck

The GOT season 8 got me chuckling. I'd also add-
That's Night King's death?
Why Bran the Broken?
Shame of an ending
Title: Re: 4-Word Reviews
Post by: isos81 on August 16, 2019, 08:35:03 AM
Malazan:
  • Most badass characters ever
  • Write more Steven Eriksson
  • First in Last Out

GoT Season 8:
  • She is my queen
  • I don't want it
  • Benioff and Weiss suck

The GOT season 8 got me chuckling. I'd also add-
That's Night King's death?
Why Bran the Broken?
Shame of an ending
This might go as well:

Who has better story?
Really? Literally, everyone else  ;D