December 03, 2020, 10:25:16 AM

Author Topic: [SEP 2020] - Steampunk - Voting Thread  (Read 1412 times)

Offline Nora

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Re: [SEP 2020] - Steampunk - Voting Thread
« Reply #30 on: October 27, 2020, 01:50:23 PM »
No worries. I honestly think you can make it work by shifting a couple of lines. Since this is a short story, I'd move the reveal of England vs Wales the conqueror a little higher, so we also understand the stakes, and a couple thoughts from the character to help us navigate the language without translation.
I don't think you'd have to reduce the amount of Welsh then. But stuff like 'rhys' room name being followed by something like 'here was the man' s office' or some such in your description of it being a real seat of power, would go a great way towards clearing confusion for me for example.

Honestly if you ever write further inside this world, I'd be keen to beta or read it.

And bear in mind plenty of people weren't that bothered or confused and gave you a vote, so you might want their feedback too!
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Offline xiagan

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Re: [SEP 2020] - Steampunk - Voting Thread
« Reply #31 on: October 28, 2020, 10:41:36 AM »
Quote
’A most volatile substance, Melzi. The most treacherous of vegetables, I’ve found.’
This threw me because there weren't Tomatoes in Europe in 1506. The first (seeds) arrived probably 20-40 years later in Spain, so we can add a few years until the pomo d'oro was available in Italy [France ;)].

The devil is in the details. ;)
I did enjoy the story otherwise, sorry for not making that clear!
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Offline bdcharles

Re: [SEP 2020] - Steampunk - Voting Thread
« Reply #32 on: October 28, 2020, 11:56:26 AM »
A great story, well done Nora. My vote was for yours and Alex Hormann's, both excellent reads :)

And thank you, to whoever voted for mine!
« Last Edit: October 28, 2020, 11:59:33 AM by bdcharles »
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Offline Kindly

Re: [SEP 2020] - Steampunk - Voting Thread
« Reply #33 on: October 28, 2020, 01:37:41 PM »
Thanks @Nora, great feedback! You're right about the anachronisms, some of them I didn't even notice while writing. And hm, yes, some things in the plot and character motivations probably don't really make sense. :) Anyway, I'm glad you liked it apart from the problems!

Offline Kindly

Re: [SEP 2020] - Steampunk - Voting Thread
« Reply #34 on: October 28, 2020, 01:46:53 PM »
And thanks, @xiagan! Somewhere in my head I knew that tomatoes didn't come to Europe until later, but that fact was nowhere near my brain while writing. I totally missed that one! :) 

Oh, and by the way @Alex Hormann, reading Noras comments of your story I'm remembering something I meant to say: I think a novel set in a world where wales is a bigger world power than England could be interesting. It felt like a setting that could very well accommodate a story of larger scope.

Online ScarletBea

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Re: [SEP 2020] - Steampunk - Voting Thread
« Reply #35 on: October 28, 2020, 02:41:49 PM »
Oh, and by the way @Alex Hormann, reading Noras comments of your story I'm remembering something I meant to say: I think a novel set in a world where wales is a bigger world power than England could be interesting. It felt like a setting that could very well accommodate a story of larger scope.
Seconded!
(actually, thirded, after Nora too ;D)
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Offline Lady Ty

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Re: [SEP 2020] - Steampunk - Voting Thread
« Reply #36 on: October 30, 2020, 05:18:57 AM »
Congratulations @Nora, I did enjoy your rather alarming but fascinating story of a world with steamwrights.  It was smooth reading and  could almost have qualified for 'Dialogue' as well.   :)
You got one of my votes and the other went to @Henry Dale for a use of steam as far removed from Nora's as could be possible. Made me smile, loved it.
Steampunk not a genre I usually choose to read but all the stories made me think I should try harder. Thank you to all writers for reading enjoyment.
« Last Edit: October 30, 2020, 05:21:36 AM by Lady Ty »
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