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Author Topic: [SEP 2015] Politics, Scheming and Intrigue - Critique Thread  (Read 4140 times)

Offline Nora

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[SEP 2015] Politics, Scheming and Intrigue - Critique Thread
« on: October 31, 2015, 10:18:35 PM »
So here is the possibility to get critiques for your stories entered in our Rogues writing contest - and to give critique as well.

If everybody wants and gives critique, this thread will be pure chaos soon, while 2-3 critiques for as many stories shouldn't be a problem. We'll see how it goes and adapt if necessary. :)

So what we're doing is this:
1. Everybody who wants critique for his story posts in here.*
2. Everybody who wants to do a critique for a specific story (whose writer has asked for critique) posts it in here.

IF this thread is overrun fast, I'm splitting it so that every story has it's own one to avoid confusion. :)

* I know that critique isn't always easy to handle, especially if you are not used to it. So if you feel more comfortable receiving it in private, people can send it via pm. They can post here that they sent a critique via pm so that others know about it.

At the moment I don't think it necessary that we create a system balancing given/received critiques. However, if it turns out to be unfair and some people are giving critiques without receiving some (or the other way round) we have to add one.

Basic rules for critiquing:

This is just a small guideline for those that haven't done critiques before, stolen from this forum's writing section.


   
Quote
Critiquing Other’s Work
    1. Please read what the poster is asking for before you post your critique.
    2. Critique the writing, not the writer.  Never, “You are...” or “You should...” but rather, “The writing is...” or “The story should...”
    3. We all have different levels of writing ability here, keep that in mind when critiquing.
    4. Find what is right in each piece as well as what is wrong.
    5. Remember that subject matter is personal. You don't have to like a story to give it a fair critique.
    6. Remember what your biases are and critique around them.
    7. Remember that real people wrote this stuff, and real people have real feelings. Things you may not say while critiquing: “That’s awful.” “That’s stupid.” “You couldn’t write your way out of a paper bag.”
"She will need coffee soon, or molecular degeneration will set in. Her French phrasing will take over even more strongly, and soon she will dissolve into a puddle of alienation and Kierkegaardian despair."  ~ Jmack

Wishy washy lyricism and maudlin unrequited love are my specialty - so said Lady_Ty

Offline Lady Ty

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Re: [SEP 2015] Politics, Scheming and Intrigue - Critique Thread
« Reply #1 on: November 01, 2015, 01:10:32 AM »
I enjoyed joining in here so much and do thank whoever voted for me, but would love some critiques so I know what to look out for if I try again.

I really appreciated this from @wakarimasen

Quote
A satyrical debut (see what I did there? Eh? Eh?). Very amusing. The erudition of the journos wasn’t very believable – a little too expositionary. Would have liked to have seen even more done with the “Slogans. Lots of Slogans” gag. Overall though very enjoyable. Loved the “turning the page” spoiler – made me chuckle, and your reluctance to shitting swear was endearing. I sense a goodly Pratchett influence, and that is no bad thing in my book.

Thanks, Waka, that was helpful comment about the journos conversation and spot on.  It does sound forced and overdetailed. If they were RL journos would be sharper, shorter and still get the points over. (Also absolutely crammed with F words and worse.  So would the PM’s office).  ::)  Really enjoyed trying out that dialogue-only style, as the conversations just came into my head, but should have thought it out more.

I know it’s bonkers not to write swear words (very strict old fashioned upbringing to blame here) and what you wrote made me laugh, absolutely must get over it. Will try harder in future. ;)

For you to think there was Pratchett influence left me speechless and your slave forever. Also check my personal text below avatar. ;)


« Last Edit: November 22, 2015, 07:29:57 AM by Lady_Ty »
“This is the problem with even lesser demons. They come to your doorstep in velvet coats and polished shoes. They tip their hats and smile and demonstrate good table manners. They never show you their tails.” 
Leigh Bardugo, The Language of Thorns: Midnight Tales and Dangerous Magic

Offline Henry Dale

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Re: [SEP 2015] Politics, Scheming and Intrigue - Critique Thread
« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2015, 08:54:07 AM »
Resuscitating this thread. I'd like some critiques on my monsters of the forest.
For the people I critique who want more specific info on their entry PM me or reply here.

Thanks!

@Nora
After all those stories about politics, I'm thrown into a radioactive wasteland where the negotiations are led by whoever is on the right side of the gun. I voted for you because I liked the change so maybe that's good or bad, I'll leave that decision to you.
You painted a great atmosphere of a desolate world and all the backstabbery is loads of fun. The ending was a bit rushed maybe. You could've told us how his body regenerated (With icky details).
Might've been caused by your rush to finish  :P

@Lady_Ty
Liked how the first part seemed realistic and it turned out to be fantastic. A pretty nice twist. I personally disagree with waka's demand for more slogans. There's a limit to how many slogans you can get before it becomes stale.
You pretty much critiqued yourself when you said some lines should be sharper.
Whether or not you put in curses and swearing is a personal choice. I wasn't disturbed by the lack thereof so it's not really something you should worry about too much.

Offline Nora

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Re: [SEP 2015] Politics, Scheming and Intrigue - Critique Thread
« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2015, 09:28:08 AM »
Cheers Henry! I'm glad you liked it, because it was indeed horribly rushed...  :-X

I voted for you this month. I just really liked your little tale, it was entertaining and fast, like a quick story before bed time, violent style. My only critic would be that if the "small person" had been more explicitly described as a child it would have been great because, you know, kids are monsters, so it would be fitting.
Nothing else to critic because it was nice and sweet and had me smiling.  :)
"She will need coffee soon, or molecular degeneration will set in. Her French phrasing will take over even more strongly, and soon she will dissolve into a puddle of alienation and Kierkegaardian despair."  ~ Jmack

Wishy washy lyricism and maudlin unrequited love are my specialty - so said Lady_Ty

Offline Lady Ty

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Re: [SEP 2015] Politics, Scheming and Intrigue - Critique Thread
« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2015, 01:42:25 AM »
Hi Unsummonable Henry Dale please accept sincere apologies for not replying here sooner and that was accidental.

Thank you for your crit of my story, I appreciate that you liked the contrast of apparently human and then clearly otherwise. That was fun to plan. About the slogans - that came from RL ;) A certain PM who shall remain nameless lived by three word slogans and was notorious for them. And yes they do become ridiculously stale. ::)
 
I thoroughly enjoyed Monsters of the Forest and the way you turned a lump of ooze into a endearing little character we could be concerned about.

The writing flowed clearly and was fun to read. I could visualise it all happening cartoon style, wish I was clever graphic artist, I can see it in my head, would make a terrific little short.

I like your clever emphasis technique of following a sentence occasionally with a short sharp phrase or sentence abruptly on its own.

Quote
‘From the monster king.’
‘Monsters have no king.’
‘About as slow as a plate of flan.’      ( ;D ;D ;D This will become F-F classic)
‘He just sat there.’
This is very effective and fitted perfectly with Ozzie himself and within this particular story.

I definitely liked the wry ending  ‘…….celebrated as adventurers raided the kingdom.’  Haha, exactly why should Oozes care?

Maybe Ozzie could re-appear one day, as Hades does, but in complete contrast ?

“This is the problem with even lesser demons. They come to your doorstep in velvet coats and polished shoes. They tip their hats and smile and demonstrate good table manners. They never show you their tails.” 
Leigh Bardugo, The Language of Thorns: Midnight Tales and Dangerous Magic

Offline Henry Dale

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Re: [SEP 2015] Politics, Scheming and Intrigue - Critique Thread
« Reply #5 on: November 22, 2015, 07:04:06 AM »
Now I have to find out which PM you mean  :P
Thanks for the critique! Maybe I should put a request in the art section of the board to let a more talented artist have a go at it.

Offline Lady Ty

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Re: [SEP 2015] Politics, Scheming and Intrigue - Critique Thread
« Reply #6 on: November 22, 2015, 07:34:51 AM »
 ;D ;D Not hard, remember where I live, check whose own party just got rid of him and if you're still in doubt google "Nope, Nope, Nope". ;)
“This is the problem with even lesser demons. They come to your doorstep in velvet coats and polished shoes. They tip their hats and smile and demonstrate good table manners. They never show you their tails.” 
Leigh Bardugo, The Language of Thorns: Midnight Tales and Dangerous Magic

Offline Henry Dale

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Re: [SEP 2015] Politics, Scheming and Intrigue - Critique Thread
« Reply #7 on: November 22, 2015, 08:37:31 AM »
;D ;D Not hard, remember where I live, check whose own party just got rid of him and if you're still in doubt google "Nope, Nope, Nope". ;)

Since your Aussie politic parties tend to oust their own leaders every once in a while I'll assume you mean the most recent one.
Nothing beats Gillard though. She made the local Belgian newspaper with her stupidity. Very hilarious photos they had.