[Mar 2017] - Through the Beast's Eye - Discussion Thread

[Arry]

Mmmh... Might need some mod intervention there in the submission thread @xiagan and @ScarletBea since if Anonymous "quotes" the original poster then the suspense is kinda lost.

See what happens here

[Nora]

Cheers, I'm sure it's fine, I suppose the person must have done a mishap while typing the message in, like some sort of copy paste including tags better left out. Happens to me all the time with large quotes. Wanted to make sure the rest didn't get spoiled.

[LightRunner]

I was listening to a podcast with Ursula K. LeGuin yesterday (Between the Covers - October 1, 2015 episode) and it made me think about this month's writing contest. I haven't listened to the whole thing yet, but there's a segment focused on language and how it is reflective of so much of our psychology. The examples I can remember off the top of my head had to do with gender (English has no neutral singular pronoun to refer to people) and the prevalence of battle metaphors in America.

There's also some commentary on POV in the podcast, if you're thinking about which one to choose.

[Bender]

3 months in a row, I've written 3/4ths of a story and unable to complete and submit. Hope I break the jinx this month...

[Lady Ty]

Recently read A Closed and Common Orbit by Becky Chambers.  The story follows Lovelace, the ship's AI from Long Way to a Small Angry  Planet. Lovey is put into a physical synthetic body, and taken to a new world, in order to survive.  Exactly what this theme is all about and I wish I could have written here, brilliant. Any one else read it and agree?

[Anonymous]

Every idea I have fails on the question of "but how is this truly inhuman?"

[m3mnoch]

i was struck by inspiration friday.  took down a few notes.  after sitting on it for a day or two, i think i still like the idea this morning.  i'mma go for it.

tho, i did just remember that we'll need some anonymous story guessing tool, right?!?  we gotta drive up some drama!

however, i will note, it's all going to be manual guessing this time.  i just don't have enough writing samples from everyone, so the results coming out of the software-guesser-robot is super-super noisy.  crowd-sourced guessing all the way, yo!

[The Gem Cutter]

Every idea I have fails on the question of "but how is this truly inhuman?"

I can't read your notes very well, but I saw "sarcophagus" and "wakes." Assuming it was human to begin with, you would want to explore how that experience changes a person into something that isn't human - what is lost and/or what is gained from that experience? Human beings do not wake from their sarcophagi - to my mind, the answer to your question lies there. IMHO, a being that has defeated death is no longer human. At all. It might not be apparent for a while, but when one shifts beyond a 100-year lifespan, the perspective must be staggeringly different.

For example, the blue guy in Watchmen undergoes a steady loss of his humanity through the powers he gains, but I think the real change comes not from what he can do, but from the perceptions which he gained, the "events so tiny they can hardly be said to have occurred at all." He comes to be, essentially, a sociopath with shrinking/limited capacity to identify with humans - the cost of seeing the mechanisms of the universe is to lose sight of what it's like to be oblivious to them. Hope this is helpful.

[Nora]

I have an idea in the works, but it's turning to be very high in description and rather low in action. I relish describing my monster more than giving the pov of it. We'll see.

[Alex Hormann]

I had what seemed like a brilliant idea, but the more of it I write, the less it fits the theme. I'll probably end up writing something else and using the current idea for something else.

I really want to do something totally alien, but I can't think of a way to do that that's readable. 

[Anonymous]

Which is best?

A :

Fear is, arguably, one of mankind's best quality. It drives self preservation, dragging Science and Art in its wake.
Fear of war, fear of disease, fear of loneliness; death's rank breath brushing down every man's spine and making them wonder, everyday as they wake, what shall I do today, to feel alive, to become immortal?

or B :

Fear is, arguably, one of mankind's best quality. It drives self preservation, dragging Science and Art in its wake.
Fear of war, fear of disease, fear of loneliness, the rank breath of death breezing down every man's neck and making them wonder, everyday as they wake, what shall I do today, to be alive, to become immortal?

Such minute differences are excruciating for me because I want to avoid unwanted rhyming, but like the snappiness of similar sounds.

[The Gem Cutter]

Which is best?

A :

Fear is, arguably, one of mankind's best quality. It drives self preservation, dragging Science and Art in its wake.
Fear of war, fear of disease, fear of loneliness; death's rank breath brushing down every man's spine and making them wonder, everyday as they wake, what shall I do today, to feel alive, to become immortal?

or B :

Fear is, arguably, one of mankind's best quality. It drives self preservation, dragging Science and Art in its wake.
Fear of war, fear of disease, fear of loneliness, the rank breath of death breezing down every man's neck and making them wonder, everyday as they wake, what shall I do today, to be alive, to become immortal?

Such minute differences are excruciating for me because I want to avoid unwanted rhyming, but like the snappiness of similar sounds.

Is this poetry or prose? I didn't detect the rhyme reading it as prose.

If pushed, I'd choose A. I like "feel alive", the Ls link together nicely and it's a nicer sentiment. A prisoner is alive. A free man feels alive. "Breezing" seems too light a verb for death, and "Brushes" draws on the phrase "brush with death."

Suggestions (if it's prose): make quality plural or get rid of "one of"; replace "everyday" with "every day", or better yet, with "each day", since you use "every" in the sentence already.

[Lady Ty]

Which is best?
or B :

Fear is, arguably, one of mankind's best quality. It drives self preservation, dragging Science and Art in its wake.
Fear of war, fear of disease, fear of loneliness, the rank breath of death breezing down every man's neck and making them wonder, everyday as they wake, what shall I do today, to be alive, to become immortal?

Such minute differences are excruciating for me because I want to avoid unwanted rhyming, but like the snappiness of similar sounds.

^ B for me. I prefer the slight rhyme here more, feel it emphasises the breezing (or brushing if you prefer) and a chilling effect.   Found "death's rank breath brushing" awkward because of the alliteration. Say them aloud and feel the difference. .

[ScarletBea]

I prefer B too, but maybe "crawling" instead of "breezing". And also keeping the "feel alive" from A (instead of "be alive" from B).

[JMack]

And just to confuse things, I prefer A.
I like alliteration, and breeze isn't the right word.
Maybe if breeze weren't there I'd have a different sense of B.