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Fantasy Faction Book Clubs => Fantasy Faction Book Club => [JUN 2016] The Stone Road => Topic started by: JMack on May 10, 2016, 01:02:55 AM

Title: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: JMack on May 10, 2016, 01:02:55 AM
This is the thread for part 2. We'll begin officially in June, but you can join in whenever you wish.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: JMack on June 02, 2016, 04:09:00 PM
Just finished Chapter 20 and this has shaped up to be a really strong book. Zhou and Huang have become much more interesting; their joint experiences - viewed from their own perspectives - harrowing.

Even after 20 chapters, I have truly no idea where this is going, but am happy to be on the journey.
Love that.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: SJBudd on June 03, 2016, 05:42:29 PM
Just got to chapter 13, getting really good!
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: JRTroughton on June 03, 2016, 07:17:39 PM
Just got to chapter 13, getting really good!
Same.

Didn't predict the events but clocked them very quickly when Zhou was up and wandering around, hungover and unsure what had happened. Very good couple of chapters.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: m3mnoch on June 03, 2016, 09:24:07 PM
Just got to chapter 13, getting really good!
Same.

Didn't predict the events but clocked them very quickly when Zhou was up and wandering around, hungover and unsure what had happened. Very good couple of chapters.

i'm only on chapter 4!  so not doing a good job avoiding this thread.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: JRTroughton on June 04, 2016, 09:29:29 AM
Almost at chapter 20 now.

17 (?) was a brilliant chapter. Absolutely the sort of imagery I adore. May have the chapter number wrong, but it is...

The attack on the city with all the magical defences going off. Golems in particular made me <3

Much preferring Zhou's chapters now, after a slower start.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: G_R_Matthews on June 04, 2016, 10:11:38 AM
Almost at chapter 20 now.

17 (?) was a brilliant chapter. Absolutely the sort of imagery I adore. May have the chapter number wrong, but it is...

The attack on the city with all the magical defences going off. Golems in particular made me <3

Much preferring Zhou's chapters now, after a slower start.

I've never understood why, in Fantasy sieges, more magic wasn't used. I mean, if you had access to lots of magic; magic that could stored in words and symbols until needed, wouldn't you make sure your city (home) was safe? And surely it would change the whole nature of a siege, of a battle? So I went for it.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Justan Henner on June 04, 2016, 04:37:12 PM
Yeah, I'm liking Zhou a lot more at this point. I think I'm at about 19? The first few chapters were very jumpy for me, but I'm liking these a lot more. I feel like the start just had a lot to get across in a short time. Now, there's just a lot more characterization to root myself to.

When Huang killed the woman whose children had been hanged, I was shocked. The moral dilemmas for him are getting good.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: SJBudd on June 05, 2016, 01:14:14 AM


Just got to chapter 13, getting really good!
Same.

Didn't predict the events but clocked them very quickly when Zhou was up and wandering around, hungover and unsure what had happened. Very good couple of chapters.

i'm only on chapter 4!  so not doing a good job avoiding this thread.


Get out of this thread dude  8)!

SO I just got to chapter 20 and oh my days! Didn't see all that happening so quickly! Poor Zhou waking up with a terrible hangover only to realise it would be the least of his problems that day.

Felt so sorry for him with the you-know-what- bit didn't expect the city to fall so quickly! I think it was @Jmack (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=37094) who said the cows were possibly a trojan horse, good guess!

Glad to see Hsin has finally got his comeuppance.

Sounds weird but I quite like both characters Haung and Zhou even though they're on opposing sides. I thought the scene which @JustinHenner mentioned of Haung mercy killing the mother was oddly touching? May-be just me  :o

I like how Zhou has suddenly gone bad ass, before he seemed like a bit of a wet drip but now he's stepped up a gear.

I literally have no idea what is going to happen next, it's mental!

Am really enjoying it so far, was quite hard to stop at chapter twenty but didn't want to get too far ahead.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Eclipse on June 05, 2016, 08:33:43 AM
Kindle loc 1246

bits a little time to get used to it bids I would have gone for

Loc 1511

Zhou wakes up with hangover creeping in silently and going about his business  without waking Zhou so Zhou woken up and keeps quiet so not to wake himself? Should it be someone else?
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Lady Ty on June 05, 2016, 09:10:39 AM
Kindle loc 1246

bits a little time to get used to it bids I would have gone for

Loc 1511

Zhou wakes up with hangover creeping in silently and going about his business  without waking Zhou so Zhou woken up and keeps quiet so not to wake himself? Should it be someone else?

Forgive intrusion, top of my recent posts. Think ' bides' is what you need. Bides a little time, ie waits a little time?
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Eclipse on June 05, 2016, 09:12:26 AM
Yeah bits seemed wrong to me ;D

As for story I'm enjoying it but your pacing is going too fast for me I would love to have more time with the secondary characters like the corporal who showed kindness to Zhou over the horse or Wang. I would have liked to seen more background on Jiao and Haung romance beforehand. We don't get to know this characters personalities before we move onto the next stage of the story.

Which is weird as I hate slow paced stories looks at GGK  ;D I need something in-between
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: G_R_Matthews on June 05, 2016, 08:12:43 PM
Yeah bits seemed wrong to me ;D
I aim for perfection, but trip over the roller-skate of idiocy too often.

As for story I'm enjoying it but your pacing is going too fast for me I would love to have more time with the secondary characters like the corporal who showed kindness to Zhou over the horse or Wang. I would have liked to seen more background on Jiao and Haung romance beforehand. We don't get to know this characters personalities before we move onto the next stage of the story.
Yeah, I can understand that completely. Luckily the next book is a little slower with more focus on the characters. Some of it, the pace, was having to keep both timelines erm... in line with other, part me wanting to tell the story, and part still learning the craft. Jiao and Haung's romance annoyed one reader because it was too overt, the same with Zhou and his wife - everything should have been more subtle, and the word 'love' never used - it shouldn't be in Chinese culture, she said (she was Chinese-American or American-Chinese... whichever way is correct). 

Which is weird as I hate slow paced stories looks at GGK  ;D I need something in-between
I hate slow paced stories too... though I am reading The Grace of Kings atm and enjoying it despite the fact that when it introduces a new character,  the next three chapters are his/her backstory.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: G_R_Matthews on June 05, 2016, 08:25:52 PM
Kindle loc 1246

bits a little time to get used to it bids I would have gone for
Context for that:
“Don’t sit down, Sir,” one of the soldiers near the fire said, “Best bet is to keep moving, get the blood flowing again to parts that haven’t seen it in a while.”
Zhou winced again, “You sure?”
“Oh, aye, Sir. If you ain’t been on a horse for a while it can take your body and... um... bits a little time to get used to it. If you sit down, everything will just lock up and when you go to move its gonna hurt a hell of a lot more than seven lashes. Well, either that or you won’t be able to move at all.”

'bits' refers to testicles in this instance... or at least that's what I was aiming for. A soldier talking to his 'boss' without appearing crude or giving offence.

Loc 1511

Zhou wakes up with hangover creeping in silently and going about his business  without waking Zhou so Zhou woken up and keeps quiet so not to wake himself? Should it be someone else?

Can't find this bit at 1511... I'll keep looking!
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Justan Henner on June 05, 2016, 08:28:29 PM
Can't find this bit at 1511... I'll keep looking!

Hopefully not referring to testicle, singular.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Eclipse on June 05, 2016, 08:29:37 PM
Page 98, chapter 13 it says loc 1512 now
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: G_R_Matthews on June 05, 2016, 08:32:32 PM
Can't find this bit at 1511... I'll keep looking!

Hopefully not referring to testicle, singular.

 :o ;D
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: G_R_Matthews on June 05, 2016, 08:36:23 PM
Page 98, chapter 13

Just found it... Kindle Loc is different on mine for some reason.

Quote
Always before, his servant had brought him warm water for his morning ablutions. Creeping in silently and going about his business without waking Zhou.

It is supposed to refer to the servant creeping in silently without waking Zhou. A few too many 'his' may lead to some confusion here..' I can poke around with that sentence or two :) Even a comma might help.

Thanks.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Raptori on June 06, 2016, 12:26:21 AM
Just finished chapter 17, and I've been confused a bit by the battle. Did I miss the arrival of the Yaart army? They had a few hundred men in the party accompanying the cattle, then a day later the battle started and it seems like they now number in the tens of thousands, yet I definitely didn't read about them arriving... maybe I missed a paragraph or two somewhere, somehow!  :o
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: G_R_Matthews on June 06, 2016, 07:10:22 PM
Just finished chapter 17, and I've been confused a bit by the battle. Did I miss the arrival of the Yaart army? They had a few hundred men in the party accompanying the cattle, then a day later the battle started and it seems like they now number in the tens of thousands, yet I definitely didn't read about them arriving... maybe I missed a paragraph or two somewhere, somehow!  :o

I think it says, somewhere (I should know, but it was a long time ago) that the main army was following the small 'guard' force along the road. I'll find it :)
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Raptori on June 06, 2016, 07:37:04 PM
Just finished chapter 17, and I've been confused a bit by the battle. Did I miss the arrival of the Yaart army? They had a few hundred men in the party accompanying the cattle, then a day later the battle started and it seems like they now number in the tens of thousands, yet I definitely didn't read about them arriving... maybe I missed a paragraph or two somewhere, somehow!  :o

I think it says, somewhere (I should know, but it was a long time ago) that the main army was following the small 'guard' force along the road. I'll find it :)
Cool, thought that'd have been the case. Silly me!  ;D


Oh, also:

Chapter 19, paragraph 3 - "lent" should be "leant".

Chapter 20, paragraph 8 - "towed the line" really should be "toed the line". That one always makes me grit my teeth.  :P

I'm pretty sure there were more that I started to notice in this section, but I didn't have paper handy and the note-taking system on my e-reader sucks.  :-\
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: G_R_Matthews on June 06, 2016, 08:39:14 PM
Just finished chapter 17, and I've been confused a bit by the battle. Did I miss the arrival of the Yaart army? They had a few hundred men in the party accompanying the cattle, then a day later the battle started and it seems like they now number in the tens of thousands, yet I definitely didn't read about them arriving... maybe I missed a paragraph or two somewhere, somehow!  :o

I think it says, somewhere (I should know, but it was a long time ago) that the main army was following the small 'guard' force along the road. I'll find it :)
Cool, thought that'd have been the case. Silly me!  ;D


Oh, also:
Chapter 19, paragraph 3 - "lent" should be "leant".
At least I was consistent (as were my beta-readers/ editors and checkers)... that appears four times :)

Chapter 20, paragraph 8 - "towed the line" really should be "toed the line". That one always makes me grit my teeth.  :P
Well the 'w' is next to the 'e'... and I'm sticking to that excuse ;)

I'm pretty sure there were more that I started to notice in this section, but I didn't have paper handy and the note-taking system on my e-reader sucks.  :-\
I've proof read on my Kindle, but then it is a pain to find it all again... if only you could export notes. I know you can on books you've bought, but not files you've uploaded.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: m3mnoch on June 06, 2016, 09:14:04 PM
still not really reading this thread yet.  tho, i listened to chapters 15-19 on my run this afternoon.  one more chapter to go!

i'm eager to get in here for real because i have so many questions on this section!
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Lanko on June 06, 2016, 10:24:35 PM
Just read Chapter 10 to Chapter 17. My theory was right!

And I knew Zhou was the right guy to root for  ;)

Liked the use of geysers and golems as surprises.

Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Lanko on June 07, 2016, 06:45:43 AM
Finished Chapter 20.

Hah, everything I said about Hsin in Part 1 turned out to be part of the plan and the battle was fine too.

But: 1) I didn't really believe Wubei would reduce it's army to almost nothing like that, specially when they still had not received the cattle.

2) Why didn't
Zhou sent his family to the castle of the duke, which was magically protected? Yaart's siege didn't plow through the city right away. What was Zhou doing in the other three or four days he didn't check, tell or sent someone to move his family? Same thing for Hsin, who was alone in his home, which was still untouched by the battle days later and was clear the enemy had the city. They were all nobles or respected enough to be in there, right? And if the duke himself ordered them into his castle there would be nobody to tell the secret of the magic. Bugger.

3) Not sure if I also buy how quickly Zhou became adept at swordfighting, specially for a bureaucrat. It looked like he was commanding the defense? Huang was also acting like a general but he was supposed to be a spy.

Very curious to see how the story is gonna move now, as I was actually expecting a victory or defeat as the final resolution. Certainly wasn't expecting it to still be in the middle of the book!
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: m3mnoch on June 07, 2016, 03:08:01 PM
i'm somewhere safe in 21 now so i can finally, comfortably join in here to say: 
OMG THEY FINISHED THE ROAD, POISONED EVERYONE, TOOK OVER THEIR BODIES, AND LAID A MAGICAL SEIGE TO THE CITY, CONQUERING THE DUCHY!!

i dunno if you noticed, but that's a TON of awesome stuff to happen in a few, short chapters.  it's like, it was all intriguey-sneaky-talkie-talkie and then BOOM!  jerry bruckheimer takes over... 

super, super, super cool.

a few thoughts:

  • the writing still feels first-bookish, but man, you've got that story creating thing down.  as a writer, you're going nowhere but up.
  • i'm still holding tight to my theory that huang and zhou are going to be working together to defeat the real badguys in the end.
  • hsin getting tortured?  righteous!
  • wait -- magical defenses?  awesome!  the golems pulled themselves out of the rock while i was listening on my run.  i totally stopped and went "wait, what?!"  people driving/walking by must have thought i was crazy, standing there like this: http://idolosol.com/images/what-the-hell-2.jpg
  • but!  am i crazy?  or is this the first time magic has been shown at all on the wubei side?  i had been thinking they were magicless for some reason.
  • the black and white vision part was another "wait -- i'mma read that again" moment.  (i wasn't runnning that time!)  so, it seems like a sudden manifestation of his latent fang-shi talent?
  • at first, i was thinking the woman and the two kids were zhou's.  glad they weren't.  but that means zhou's family could still be alive!
  • wubei sent their army away?  really?  if i had to note something i didn't believe, it would be that part.
  • the pace of the story is super-fast through here, and time seems to have stretched out.  it was, what?  a year to complete the road?
  • also, i'm with raptori -- i missed where it was mentioned, but assumed the army was following up behind.
  • at first, i was like "really, zhou?  there's not another road out of the city for your family?  really?" but then the city was described as butting up against the mountain, so i picture it now kind of like helm's deep, but, obviously, easier to breach.  especially with no army.


overall, totally enjoying it.  moments like the morning after the party are making it a fun read.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: G_R_Matthews on June 07, 2016, 07:13:29 PM
i'm somewhere safe in 21 now so i can finally, comfortably join in here to say: 
OMG THEY FINISHED THE ROAD, POISONED EVERYONE, TOOK OVER THEIR BODIES, AND LAID A MAGICAL SEIGE TO THE CITY, CONQUERING THE DUCHY!!

i dunno if you noticed, but that's a TON of awesome stuff to happen in a few, short chapters.  it's like, it was all intriguey-sneaky-talkie-talkie and then BOOM!  jerry bruckheimer takes over... 

super, super, super cool.

a few thoughts:

  • the writing still feels first-bookish, but man, you've got that story creating thing down.  as a writer, you're going nowhere but up.
  • i'm still holding tight to my theory that huang and zhou are going to be working together to defeat the real badguys in the end.
  • hsin getting tortured?  righteous!
  • wait -- magical defenses?  awesome!  the golems pulled themselves out of the rock while i was listening on my run.  i totally stopped and went "wait, what?!"  people driving/walking by must have thought i was crazy, standing there like this: http://idolosol.com/images/what-the-hell-2.jpg
  • but!  am i crazy?  or is this the first time magic has been shown at all on the wubei side?  i had been thinking they were magicless for some reason.
  • the black and white vision part was another "wait -- i'mma read that again" moment.  (i wasn't runnning that time!)  so, it seems like a sudden manifestation of his latent fang-shi talent?
  • at first, i was thinking the woman and the two kids were zhou's.  glad they weren't.  but that means zhou's family could still be alive!
  • wubei sent their army away?  really?  if i had to note something i didn't believe, it would be that part.
  • the pace of the story is super-fast through here, and time seems to have stretched out.  it was, what?  a year to complete the road?
  • also, i'm with raptori -- i missed where it was mentioned, but assumed the army was following up behind.
  • at first, i was like "really, zhou?  there's not another road out of the city for your family?  really?" but then the city was described as butting up against the mountain, so i picture it now kind of like helm's deep, but, obviously, easier to breach.  especially with no army.


overall, totally enjoying it.  moments like the morning after the party are making it a fun read.

I'm glad you're liking the bits you're liking a lot... and enjoying the rest.

As for this part:

  • wubei sent their army away?  really?  if i had to note something i didn't believe, it would be that part.

I can see that. However, the notion of rulers sending armies home isn't a new one. OK, maybe not quite at that time, but armies were very rarely full time. Many soldiers were still farmers and needed to look after their crops.... it is these part timers and others that were sent home - at least in my thinking. Confident that the treaty would stand, convinced by Hsin's words, and that their army (the Honourguard) would be escorting a small force and the cattle, their was no need to go to the expense of the army, and risk their food supply... at least in my mind :)


My favourite line?
the writing still feels first-bookish, but man, you've got that story creating thing down.  as a writer, you're going nowhere but up.

If you could just tell everyone that, I'd really appreciate it  ;)
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: m3mnoch on June 07, 2016, 08:12:19 PM
My favourite line?
the writing still feels first-bookish, but man, you've got that story creating thing down.  as a writer, you're going nowhere but up.

If you could just tell everyone that, I'd really appreciate it  ;)

heck yeah!  of course!
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Eli_Freysson on June 10, 2016, 10:12:05 AM
Oh man, I can see I'm way behind everyone else. I badly need to step up my game here.

But anyway, I'm through Chapter 20, and the story is on a steady, upwards climb.

By which I mean, it's getting more interesting. And @G_R_Matthews (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=31990), I can see you're not afraid to get grim. Which is good. It keeps readers on their toes.

I find that I strongly dislike being critical of other writers, but I will say, for the benefit of future books that you or anyone else reading this write, that I feel not giving Zhou's wife and son names was a mistake. Names connect us to characters, and make them more real. Just something to keep in mind in the future.

But overall, the Stone Road is definitely holding my interest.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: JMack on June 10, 2016, 11:47:57 AM
I'm sort of with Eli here in feeling that the omen don't have much of a role or voice here except as victims or risks. Though in section three there are two women who thoroughly break this mode, so I expect this was a temporary thing.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: ScarletBea on June 10, 2016, 12:06:34 PM
Book 2 has got a kick-ass woman. Just saying ;D
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: G_R_Matthews on June 10, 2016, 05:28:39 PM
Oh man, I can see I'm way behind everyone else. I badly need to step up my game here.

But anyway, I'm through Chapter 20, and the story is on a steady, upwards climb.

By which I mean, it's getting more interesting. And @G_R_Matthews (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=31990), I can see you're not afraid to get grim. Which is good. It keeps readers on their toes.

I find that I strongly dislike being critical of other writers, but I will say, for the benefit of future books that you or anyone else reading this write, that I feel not giving Zhou's wife and son names was a mistake. Names connect us to characters, and make them more real. Just something to keep in mind in the future.

But overall, the Stone Road is definitely holding my interest.

I'm glad you're enjoying it!

The boys name is Bei... it is mentioned in the first chapter, but then not after (as I recall).

You're right his wife has no name... I never quite worked out why. Something to do with by not naming her, but showing their love (I hope) the eventual change in their relationship would still be poignant, and without a name, you are free to think of her as your own spouse etc

And there are many "kick-ass" women in Book #2, even more in Book #3 :)
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Eclipse on June 10, 2016, 05:49:01 PM
For me when a character has no name I expect them to die or not to be seen again,is one of the bad -ass women in the next book the one I wanted to see more of?
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: G_R_Matthews on June 10, 2016, 05:57:30 PM
For me when a character has no name I expect them to die or not to be seen again,is one of the bad -ass women in the next book the one I wanted to see more of?

The man with no name - Clint Eastwood films (Fistful of Dollars). Though there is no way that anyone is killing Clint Eastwood in those films :)

She is there... more in #3 - hard to say without ruining it.
The lady in the camp, the teacher, is there too...
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: tebakutis on June 11, 2016, 04:55:42 PM
Just finished Chapter 20! Quite a lot has happened in the past 10 chapters. I agree with others that the pace of the book increases as it winds up. I'm enjoying my read. Here are my thoughts.

I didn't necessarily connect the golden cows to the ritual in the prologue, but other folks did, so it was cool to see that paid off with the cows coming apart. Really cool imagery.

I liked that Zhou managed to give the Wubei people a fighting chance, even if it didn't work out. The fact that he was so laughably inept at the beginning is making his progression toward a decent protagonist satisfying. I'm definitely team Zhou now, where I wasn't in the first 10 chapters.

The siege and conquering of Wubei's capital was well done. The way the battle was written was very grim and visceral. Good stuff!

While I liked the magical defenses (the four lines, as Zhou called them) I felt they came out of left field. I would have liked to see those sort of defenses foreshadowed earlier, as I wasn't sure (when they started going off) what was happening - whether they were active magic, called by Wubei magicians, or passive traps. So when they started going off, I wasn't sure what was activating them.

That said, I do like the idea that both sides can plant magical traps around their cities. I also assume the Fang-shi knew those traps were there, and knew the only way to trigger them was to send in soldiers to die. Bascially, taking the Zap Brannigan approach to warfare! That's pretty cold, but it's already pretty clear the Fang-Shi only care about results, so it felt in character for them.

I can definitely see your struggle to keep Huang relatable (BTW ... his name changed to Haung at some point in the later chapters, might want to check for typos?) in the face of the Fang-shi's evil magic and the treacherous ways of the Yaart, but I lost a bit of respect for him in this section ... mainly because of his naivety, which I didn't expect. Based on what I'd seen earlier, this felt out of character.

Did he really think that an army and leaders that would slaughter an entire camp under a flag of true would *not* rape, torture, and murder the people of Wubei's capital with reckless abandon? He seemed genuinely shocked when he found the children hanging from the rafter and the agonized mother, and that seemed odd to me. If he truly didn't know that was coming, he hasn't been paying much attention. :P

I also wasn't completely sold on him saving Zhou. So far, we've seen Huang as completely loyal to his leaders and the Jiin-Wei, and to not only allow, but aid an enemy officer in escaping, is a blatant act of treason. It seemed strange to me that Huang would flip so completely in such a short time, but maybe we'll see more explanation of this in later chapters. I think more foreshadowing (perhaps seeing him defy orders earlier, rather than obeying?) would have sold this a bit better. I've only seen him loyal up to this point.

Overall, the Yaart are absolutely coming across as a ruthless, evil faction, which, while it certainly gives us someone to root for (Wubei) also makes the story a tiny bit less interesting, at least for me. I wish Yaart had some redeeming features (or if they do, we haven't seen them) other than just being dicks. But maybe we'll get some balance in later chapters. If not, it's not a big deal, just a personal preference.

Really felt for Zhou when he reached his burning home, and I hope his family is still alive. Given they were in the cellar, it's entirely possible. I also want to know what was going on with the world of white lines and the red snakes. Basically, Zhou transformed from mildly competent staff fighter (which we saw in the battle with the bandits) to total dual sword wielding badass, who could take down three trained soldiers without breaking a sweat. This *has* to be magical, and that has me really curious about how you're going to explain it. Was he possessed by some spirit of vengeance? Is there some untapped power inside him we haven't seen yet, that even he's not aware of? Either way, it's cool and I can't wait to see what it is.

Good stuff!
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Lanko on June 11, 2016, 10:10:10 PM
Here he started as Haung. I was shocked to see that comment so I went to check. I even searched for Huang and nothing. You sure, @tebakutis (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=31262) ?  ::)

But yea, it does have a bunch of typos (Solider, to tomorrow, etc) and some words that seem a bit out of place (arsehole, bugger, terrorist).
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: G_R_Matthews on June 11, 2016, 10:23:10 PM
Here he started as Haung. I was shocked to see that comment so I went to check. I even searched for Huang and nothing. You sure, @tebakutis (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=31262) ?  ::)

But yea, it does have a bunch of typos (Solider, to tomorrow, etc) and some words that seem a bit out of place (arsehole, bugger, terrorist).

I wonder if he has an old version?

Swear words are hard to use... most begin as slang.  Bugger, as an insult was first used in 1555... Fuck in 1535, maybe 1310. Out of place, maybe... but they appear in a lot of film subtitles ;)

I will find the rest of those typos one day!

Edit: found two soliders... is that even a word? Corrected them and I'll upload new version tomorrow - ones of the joys of SP :)
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: tebakutis on June 12, 2016, 01:40:17 AM
Here he started as Haung. I was shocked to see that comment so I went to check. I even searched for Huang and nothing. You sure, @tebakutis (http://fantasy-faction.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=31262) ?  ::)

But yea, it does have a bunch of typos (Solider, to tomorrow, etc) and some words that seem a bit out of place (arsehole, bugger, terrorist).

I wonder if he has an old version?

Swear words are hard to use... most begin as slang.  Bugger, as an insult was first used in 1555... Fuck in 1535, maybe 1310. Out of place, maybe... but they appear in a lot of film subtitles ;)

I will find the rest of those typos one day!

Edit: found two soliders... is that even a word? Corrected them and I'll upload new version tomorrow - ones of the joys of SP :)

Don't get too freaked out. I could easily just be nuts. It happens. :)

EDIT: Bwahaha. Note my own comments from Prologue to Chapter 9...

Quote
I'm intrigued by whatever plan the Jin-Wei are hatching. I'm not sure how the gold lactating cows are involved (never seen *that* in a book before) but I'm wondering if this a ploy to get the Wubei to help them build a road. Zhou so far seems relatively ineffective, which I find a bit disappointing. Huang, by comparison, seems to be doing exactly what his commanders want, though it isn't yet clear where their scheme is going.

I spelled Haung as "Huang" and internalized it. The mind is a strange thing sometimes.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Lanko on June 12, 2016, 02:20:09 AM

Don't get too freaked out. I could easily just be nuts. It happens. :)

EDIT: Bwahaha. Note my own comments from Prologue to Chapter 9...

I spelled Haung as "Huang" and internalized it. The mind is a strange thing sometimes.

I went to that thread and actually noticed I spelled it Huang too... and Jmack and m3mnoch too  ::)

Hm... maybe it was really Huang and he changed it while we were reading? Can that be done?  ::) If you update something does it change automatically over here too?
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Raptori on June 12, 2016, 03:13:12 AM
I noticed that you guys were all spelling it wrong, it was definitely always Haung. Pretty sure Huang is a more standard spelling though, so it's understandable!  :P
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: G_R_Matthews on June 12, 2016, 08:30:42 AM
No it can be updated without permission.

Yep, Huang is the normal spelling, but for some reason I went with Haung... it is an alternative ancient China after all :)
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: m3mnoch on June 12, 2016, 03:01:12 PM
ha!

i was in complete disbelief.  went back to chapter two.  searched for "haung" and the whole page lit up.

i agree with teb, minds are weird.

speaking of, i had to search for chapter two because there's not a a chapter list on the kindle.  it's not a big deal, tho, because i calculate locations to track position between my tts version and my kindle.  just might be weird for other people.  i'm pretty sure you can just use a "-TOC" parameter in pandoc or calibre and it'll automatically add a table of contents to your book.


No it can be updated without permission.

remember when we talked about readers who were control freaks and drm and stuff?  good times.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: G_R_Matthews on June 12, 2016, 03:06:21 PM
ha!

i was in complete disbelief.  went back to chapter two.  searched for "haung" and the whole page lit up.

i agree with teb, minds are weird.

speaking of, i had to search for chapter two because there's not a a chapter list on the kindle.  it's not a big deal, tho, because i calculate locations to track position between my tts version and my kindle.  just might be weird for other people.  i'm pretty sure you can just use a "-TOC" parameter in pandoc or calibre and it'll automatically add a table of contents to your book.


No it can be updated without permission.

remember when we talked about readers who were control freaks and drm and stuff?  good times.

And that's why I should never type on my phone... It CANNOT be updated without permission! Amazon have a whole process you have to go through :)
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Lanko on June 12, 2016, 07:25:51 PM
Mind playing tricks? Nah, I'm just gonna blame the author anyway! How dare the text in front of me doesn't appear exactly as I had envisioned it?  ::)
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Lanko on June 14, 2016, 02:03:43 AM

The boys name is Bei... it is mentioned in the first chapter, but then not after (as I recall).

You're right his wife has no name... I never quite worked out why. Something to do with by not naming her, but showing their love (I hope) the eventual change in their relationship would still be poignant, and without a name, you are free to think of her as your own spouse etc

And there are many "kick-ass" women in Book #2, even more in Book #3 :)

Hey, G.R. just thought I would mention this:

The boy's name is mentioned as Shui in book 2, chapter 7:

... He recalled picking up his wife, swinging her around during the early days of their marriage, before Shui was born, when they had time to dance...
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: G_R_Matthews on June 14, 2016, 04:48:39 PM
Yep... went and found that!

Made a note, simply said, 'bugger' :)
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: DrNefario on June 18, 2016, 09:26:18 PM
I've finished part 2 now. I think my main thoughts have already been covered.

I'm enjoying it. I still don't feel too connected to either of the main characters. I have no idea where the story is going from here.

I do have a bit of an issue with the power of the magic. The Yaart plan seems unnecessarily convoluted when they seem to be able to kill hundreds with a bit of magic. And isn't there still a cow left?

And I too have only just noticed that Huang's name is actually Haung.
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Nino on July 03, 2016, 07:59:42 PM
Before I read everyone else's comments I just want to add my thoughts thus far.

I just finished with part two.

First: Zhou VS Haung
This is the first time ever that I've read a book where the opposing sides are both treated as the protagonists and it is just weird. But I like it because it is much closer to real life. There is always two sides to a story and whether what you are doing is right or wrong, good or bad in the greater scheme of things there will be emotions and motivations involved in it. I think Matthews managed to capture this quite well.
At the beginning of part two I was fully rooting for Zhou even though he was a bit of a drip. At least he was honourable and sticking to his values. Whereas it felt like Haung was just being a puppet. However by the end of part two both of them have undergone some changes or just merely showed different parts of themselves and now I don't know who to root for any more.
Also.. with Haung I can see him going on following orders, but what will happen to Zhou now that everything he lived for was gone? So I guess Zhou is the one that is coercing me to read part 3.

This part also had a bit of a tug and pull when it came to ease and want of reading it. There where probably three bits where I felt 'meh' (mainly the big army bits) but then I would read a couple more pages and be pulled right back into the intrigue.

This part also revealed a lot more magic and mystery and that is just fun. Although the magic system is't really explained it is all fine because it isn't the two main characters who are using it. BUT what happened to Zhou there at the end with the black, white and red and the snakes? Does he have some latent magic powers in him? Mmm, interesting... (And fabulous way of revealing it!)

 
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: Kitvaria Sarene on July 03, 2016, 09:42:26 PM
This part also revealed a lot more magic and mystery and that is just fun. Although the magic system is't really explained it is all fine because it isn't the two main characters who are using it. BUT what happened to Zhou there at the end with the black, white and red and the snakes? Does he have some latent magic powers in him? Mmm, interesting... (And fabulous way of revealing it!)

Now that is going to be a major plot part in the following two books - and actually my favorite parts of the story! :D
Title: Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
Post by: G_R_Matthews on July 03, 2016, 10:20:41 PM
This is the first time ever that I've read a book where the opposing sides are both treated as the protagonists and it is just weird.

I'm glad you liked it. I wasn't aware I was doing anything different. :)