December 12, 2019, 12:15:03 AM

Author Topic: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20  (Read 12965 times)

Offline Eclipse

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Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
« Reply #15 on: June 05, 2016, 08:29:37 PM »
Page 98, chapter 13 it says loc 1512 now
« Last Edit: June 05, 2016, 08:36:15 PM by Eclipse »
According to some,* heroic deaths are admirable things

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Offline G_R_Matthews

Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
« Reply #16 on: June 05, 2016, 08:32:32 PM »
Can't find this bit at 1511... I'll keep looking!

Hopefully not referring to testicle, singular.

 :o ;D
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Offline G_R_Matthews

Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
« Reply #17 on: June 05, 2016, 08:36:23 PM »
Page 98, chapter 13

Just found it... Kindle Loc is different on mine for some reason.

Quote
Always before, his servant had brought him warm water for his morning ablutions. Creeping in silently and going about his business without waking Zhou.

It is supposed to refer to the servant creeping in silently without waking Zhou. A few too many 'his' may lead to some confusion here..' I can poke around with that sentence or two :) Even a comma might help.

Thanks.
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Offline Raptori

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Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
« Reply #18 on: June 06, 2016, 12:26:21 AM »
Just finished chapter 17, and I've been confused a bit by the battle. Did I miss the arrival of the Yaart army? They had a few hundred men in the party accompanying the cattle, then a day later the battle started and it seems like they now number in the tens of thousands, yet I definitely didn't read about them arriving... maybe I missed a paragraph or two somewhere, somehow!  :o
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Offline G_R_Matthews

Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
« Reply #19 on: June 06, 2016, 07:10:22 PM »
Just finished chapter 17, and I've been confused a bit by the battle. Did I miss the arrival of the Yaart army? They had a few hundred men in the party accompanying the cattle, then a day later the battle started and it seems like they now number in the tens of thousands, yet I definitely didn't read about them arriving... maybe I missed a paragraph or two somewhere, somehow!  :o

I think it says, somewhere (I should know, but it was a long time ago) that the main army was following the small 'guard' force along the road. I'll find it :)
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Offline Raptori

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Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
« Reply #20 on: June 06, 2016, 07:37:04 PM »
Just finished chapter 17, and I've been confused a bit by the battle. Did I miss the arrival of the Yaart army? They had a few hundred men in the party accompanying the cattle, then a day later the battle started and it seems like they now number in the tens of thousands, yet I definitely didn't read about them arriving... maybe I missed a paragraph or two somewhere, somehow!  :o

I think it says, somewhere (I should know, but it was a long time ago) that the main army was following the small 'guard' force along the road. I'll find it :)
Cool, thought that'd have been the case. Silly me!  ;D


Oh, also:

Chapter 19, paragraph 3 - "lent" should be "leant".

Chapter 20, paragraph 8 - "towed the line" really should be "toed the line". That one always makes me grit my teeth.  :P

I'm pretty sure there were more that I started to notice in this section, but I didn't have paper handy and the note-taking system on my e-reader sucks.  :-\
« Last Edit: June 06, 2016, 07:42:52 PM by Raptori »
I wish the world was flat like the old days, then I could travel just by folding a map.

Offline G_R_Matthews

Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
« Reply #21 on: June 06, 2016, 08:39:14 PM »
Just finished chapter 17, and I've been confused a bit by the battle. Did I miss the arrival of the Yaart army? They had a few hundred men in the party accompanying the cattle, then a day later the battle started and it seems like they now number in the tens of thousands, yet I definitely didn't read about them arriving... maybe I missed a paragraph or two somewhere, somehow!  :o

I think it says, somewhere (I should know, but it was a long time ago) that the main army was following the small 'guard' force along the road. I'll find it :)
Cool, thought that'd have been the case. Silly me!  ;D


Oh, also:
Chapter 19, paragraph 3 - "lent" should be "leant".
At least I was consistent (as were my beta-readers/ editors and checkers)... that appears four times :)

Chapter 20, paragraph 8 - "towed the line" really should be "toed the line". That one always makes me grit my teeth.  :P
Well the 'w' is next to the 'e'... and I'm sticking to that excuse ;)

I'm pretty sure there were more that I started to notice in this section, but I didn't have paper handy and the note-taking system on my e-reader sucks.  :-\
I've proof read on my Kindle, but then it is a pain to find it all again... if only you could export notes. I know you can on books you've bought, but not files you've uploaded.
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Offline m3mnoch

Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
« Reply #22 on: June 06, 2016, 09:14:04 PM »
still not really reading this thread yet.  tho, i listened to chapters 15-19 on my run this afternoon.  one more chapter to go!

i'm eager to get in here for real because i have so many questions on this section!

Offline Lanko

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Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
« Reply #23 on: June 06, 2016, 10:24:35 PM »
Just read Chapter 10 to Chapter 17. My theory was right!

And I knew Zhou was the right guy to root for  ;)

Liked the use of geysers and golems as surprises.

Slow and steady wins the race.

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Offline Lanko

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Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
« Reply #24 on: June 07, 2016, 06:45:43 AM »
Finished Chapter 20.

Hah, everything I said about Hsin in Part 1 turned out to be part of the plan and the battle was fine too.

But: 1) I didn't really believe Wubei would reduce it's army to almost nothing like that, specially when they still had not received the cattle.

2) Why didn't
Spoiler for Hiden:
Zhou sent his family to the castle of the duke, which was magically protected? Yaart's siege didn't plow through the city right away. What was Zhou doing in the other three or four days he didn't check, tell or sent someone to move his family? Same thing for Hsin, who was alone in his home, which was still untouched by the battle days later and was clear the enemy had the city. They were all nobles or respected enough to be in there, right? And if the duke himself ordered them into his castle there would be nobody to tell the secret of the magic. Bugger.

3) Not sure if I also buy how quickly Zhou became adept at swordfighting, specially for a bureaucrat. It looked like he was commanding the defense? Huang was also acting like a general but he was supposed to be a spy.

Very curious to see how the story is gonna move now, as I was actually expecting a victory or defeat as the final resolution. Certainly wasn't expecting it to still be in the middle of the book!
Slow and steady wins the race.

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Offline m3mnoch

Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
« Reply #25 on: June 07, 2016, 03:08:01 PM »
i'm somewhere safe in 21 now so i can finally, comfortably join in here to say: 
Spoiler for Hiden:
OMG THEY FINISHED THE ROAD, POISONED EVERYONE, TOOK OVER THEIR BODIES, AND LAID A MAGICAL SEIGE TO THE CITY, CONQUERING THE DUCHY!!

i dunno if you noticed, but that's a TON of awesome stuff to happen in a few, short chapters.  it's like, it was all intriguey-sneaky-talkie-talkie and then BOOM!  jerry bruckheimer takes over... 

super, super, super cool.

a few thoughts:

  • the writing still feels first-bookish, but man, you've got that story creating thing down.  as a writer, you're going nowhere but up.
  • i'm still holding tight to my theory that huang and zhou are going to be working together to defeat the real badguys in the end.
  • hsin getting tortured?  righteous!
  • wait -- magical defenses?  awesome!  the golems pulled themselves out of the rock while i was listening on my run.  i totally stopped and went "wait, what?!"  people driving/walking by must have thought i was crazy, standing there like this: http://idolosol.com/images/what-the-hell-2.jpg
  • but!  am i crazy?  or is this the first time magic has been shown at all on the wubei side?  i had been thinking they were magicless for some reason.
  • the black and white vision part was another "wait -- i'mma read that again" moment.  (i wasn't runnning that time!)  so, it seems like a sudden manifestation of his latent fang-shi talent?
  • at first, i was thinking the woman and the two kids were zhou's.  glad they weren't.  but that means zhou's family could still be alive!
  • wubei sent their army away?  really?  if i had to note something i didn't believe, it would be that part.
  • the pace of the story is super-fast through here, and time seems to have stretched out.  it was, what?  a year to complete the road?
  • also, i'm with raptori -- i missed where it was mentioned, but assumed the army was following up behind.
  • at first, i was like "really, zhou?  there's not another road out of the city for your family?  really?" but then the city was described as butting up against the mountain, so i picture it now kind of like helm's deep, but, obviously, easier to breach.  especially with no army.


overall, totally enjoying it.  moments like the morning after the party are making it a fun read.

Offline G_R_Matthews

Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
« Reply #26 on: June 07, 2016, 07:13:29 PM »
i'm somewhere safe in 21 now so i can finally, comfortably join in here to say: 
Spoiler for Hiden:
OMG THEY FINISHED THE ROAD, POISONED EVERYONE, TOOK OVER THEIR BODIES, AND LAID A MAGICAL SEIGE TO THE CITY, CONQUERING THE DUCHY!!

i dunno if you noticed, but that's a TON of awesome stuff to happen in a few, short chapters.  it's like, it was all intriguey-sneaky-talkie-talkie and then BOOM!  jerry bruckheimer takes over... 

super, super, super cool.

a few thoughts:

  • the writing still feels first-bookish, but man, you've got that story creating thing down.  as a writer, you're going nowhere but up.
  • i'm still holding tight to my theory that huang and zhou are going to be working together to defeat the real badguys in the end.
  • hsin getting tortured?  righteous!
  • wait -- magical defenses?  awesome!  the golems pulled themselves out of the rock while i was listening on my run.  i totally stopped and went "wait, what?!"  people driving/walking by must have thought i was crazy, standing there like this: http://idolosol.com/images/what-the-hell-2.jpg
  • but!  am i crazy?  or is this the first time magic has been shown at all on the wubei side?  i had been thinking they were magicless for some reason.
  • the black and white vision part was another "wait -- i'mma read that again" moment.  (i wasn't runnning that time!)  so, it seems like a sudden manifestation of his latent fang-shi talent?
  • at first, i was thinking the woman and the two kids were zhou's.  glad they weren't.  but that means zhou's family could still be alive!
  • wubei sent their army away?  really?  if i had to note something i didn't believe, it would be that part.
  • the pace of the story is super-fast through here, and time seems to have stretched out.  it was, what?  a year to complete the road?
  • also, i'm with raptori -- i missed where it was mentioned, but assumed the army was following up behind.
  • at first, i was like "really, zhou?  there's not another road out of the city for your family?  really?" but then the city was described as butting up against the mountain, so i picture it now kind of like helm's deep, but, obviously, easier to breach.  especially with no army.


overall, totally enjoying it.  moments like the morning after the party are making it a fun read.

I'm glad you're liking the bits you're liking a lot... and enjoying the rest.

As for this part:

Spoiler for Hiden:
  • wubei sent their army away?  really?  if i had to note something i didn't believe, it would be that part.

I can see that. However, the notion of rulers sending armies home isn't a new one. OK, maybe not quite at that time, but armies were very rarely full time. Many soldiers were still farmers and needed to look after their crops.... it is these part timers and others that were sent home - at least in my thinking. Confident that the treaty would stand, convinced by Hsin's words, and that their army (the Honourguard) would be escorting a small force and the cattle, their was no need to go to the expense of the army, and risk their food supply... at least in my mind :)


My favourite line?
the writing still feels first-bookish, but man, you've got that story creating thing down.  as a writer, you're going nowhere but up.

If you could just tell everyone that, I'd really appreciate it  ;)
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Offline m3mnoch

Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
« Reply #27 on: June 07, 2016, 08:12:19 PM »
My favourite line?
the writing still feels first-bookish, but man, you've got that story creating thing down.  as a writer, you're going nowhere but up.

If you could just tell everyone that, I'd really appreciate it  ;)

heck yeah!  of course!

Offline Eli_Freysson

Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
« Reply #28 on: June 10, 2016, 10:12:05 AM »
Oh man, I can see I'm way behind everyone else. I badly need to step up my game here.

But anyway, I'm through Chapter 20, and the story is on a steady, upwards climb.

By which I mean, it's getting more interesting. And @G_R_Matthews, I can see you're not afraid to get grim. Which is good. It keeps readers on their toes.

I find that I strongly dislike being critical of other writers, but I will say, for the benefit of future books that you or anyone else reading this write, that I feel not giving Zhou's wife and son names was a mistake. Names connect us to characters, and make them more real. Just something to keep in mind in the future.

But overall, the Stone Road is definitely holding my interest.
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Offline JMack

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Re: Part 2: Chapter 10 to Chapter 20
« Reply #29 on: June 10, 2016, 11:47:57 AM »
I'm sort of with Eli here in feeling that the omen don't have much of a role or voice here except as victims or risks. Though in section three there are two women who thoroughly break this mode, so I expect this was a temporary thing.
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