September 29, 2020, 09:57:06 PM

Poll

Please vote:

Shadow Hunter by SJ Budd
5 (4.8%)
The Moments Before by Eli Freysson
2 (1.9%)
A Garden Fit for Remembrance by Doctor Chill
7 (6.7%)
Huntsman and the Doe by SugoiMe
3 (2.9%)
The Fall of Niarm by TOMunro
7 (6.7%)
Three Times Seals the Spell by Jmack
6 (5.7%)
Big Bad Wolf by ClintACK
2 (1.9%)
danyell and horace by m3mnoch
2 (1.9%)
The Golden Hoard by Elfy
7 (6.7%)
Steel Alphabet by wakarimasen
6 (5.7%)
A Gentleman Keeps His Secrets by RussetDivinity
7 (6.7%)
What Really Happened... by Rukaio Alter
6 (5.7%)
Complications by Saurus and Raptori
6 (5.7%)
The Braying Jack by Jeryn
10 (9.5%)
The Escape by Nora
6 (5.7%)
Above Trackless Seas, Beneath Empty Skies by Carter
7 (6.7%)
Book your dream vacation today! by Henry Dale
2 (1.9%)
Survivors by ArcaneArtsVelho
6 (5.7%)
Charlie by Giddler
6 (5.7%)
A Warrior's Sacrifice by NightWrite
2 (1.9%)

Total Members Voted: 24

Voting closed: July 31, 2015, 09:38:44 PM

Author Topic: [Jun 2015] - Multiple POVs - Voting Thread  (Read 23086 times)

Offline JMack

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Re: [Jun 2015] - Multiple POVs - Voting Thread
« Reply #30 on: July 23, 2015, 06:27:49 PM »
@wakarimasen... my response in spoilers as well

Spoiler for Hiden:
I thought folks might feel it wasn't much of a change in POV. I decided I didn't care too much about that. But your other point is worth chewing on: that the sister's internal monologue felt inconsistent with what we learn of her through Jannie's eyes earlier.

Meanwhile, I loved yours. Sort of the complete opposite of mine in terms of multiple POVs!
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Offline ClintACK

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Re: [Jun 2015] - Multiple POVs - Voting Thread
« Reply #31 on: July 25, 2015, 04:44:58 PM »
@wakarimasen-

Spoiler for Hiden:
"Ambitious little tale."  -- same adjective I'd use for yours.  26 PoVs!  My first idea was a cursed McGuffin killing off dozens of PoV characters, but it seemed too ambitious.  And the way I kept imagining it, I wanted to tell it from the McGuffin's PoV.  You somehow made it work with really micro-fiction vignettes.  Loved the way the knife had a character arc, tool to weapon and back.

Re: not enough information -- this seems to be my current issue.  I used to be an info-dumper (See how awesome my world building is!) and may be compensating for past sins.  (I recently started a piece with a conversation only to realize I'd included zero physical description of the characters or the setting.)

Part of the confusion in the "Mom" scene was intentional -- I think violent action is really disorienting to people who aren't veterans or action heroes, the kind of thing that happens before you can really process it.

But also, I originally had one more layer of PoVs to explain why she couldn't do what they were demanding, but then cut it.  (It felt like overkill on the layers of depth, and didn't feel important to any of the characters.)  Does the story need an explanation of why things went wrong?  (It was nicely ironic -- the bad guy's probe set off alarms and security procedures were changed.)

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: [Jun 2015] - Multiple POVs - Voting Thread
« Reply #32 on: July 25, 2015, 09:49:54 PM »
Still 2 left to read and I already have 7 contenders for voting... yay but argh, how to choose?
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Offline Elfy

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Re: [Jun 2015] - Multiple POVs - Voting Thread
« Reply #33 on: July 26, 2015, 01:19:50 AM »
@wakarimasen

Thanks for the words of critique.

Spoiler for Hiden:
To a certain extent the two leads were meant to be rather cartoony/cliche. They were the typical hero villain archetypes, and yes I was channeling Indiana Jones for a fair bit of it. Glad you liked the final bit. I originally wrote that as 1st person past tense, and then Lejays17 suggested using present tense, so I changed it and I think it worked for the betterment of the piece.
I will expand your TBR pile.

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Offline Lady Ty

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Re: [Jun 2015] - Multiple POVs - Voting Thread
« Reply #34 on: July 26, 2015, 07:55:59 AM »
This is like getting a free Anthology every month, thank you all for so many great stories.

Started off today with a top ten, all entertaining and enjoyable for many different reasons, but eventually  managed to bring down to five and have voted.   

Made my initial choices on how well they filled the Multiple POV criteria, then how clear and intriguing the actual storyline and characters. Narrowed it down further again on clarity of each POV, quality of dialogue and description and overall  'flow' of narrative.  If you, as the writers, think this is wrongly balanced in judging please comment. I have edited and reviewed formal writing but commenting on fiction is a whole different game and far more enjoyable.

My only negative comments this month are that dense reading on the page makes a story harder to follow so better spacing would help and a hard final edit, pruning out excess words, is often an improvement.
« Last Edit: July 26, 2015, 07:59:19 AM by Lady_Ty »
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Offline ScarletBea

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Re: [Jun 2015] - Multiple POVs - Voting Thread
« Reply #35 on: July 26, 2015, 10:32:22 AM »
Made my initial choices on how well they filled the Multiple POV criteria, then how clear and intriguing the actual storyline and characters. Narrowed it down further again on clarity of each POV, quality of dialogue and description and overall  'flow' of narrative.  If you, as the writers, think this is wrongly balanced in judging please comment.

I don't think anyone can say if this is wrong or right - it's what works for you.
There are as many different readers out there as there are people who read, if we go into specifics, so no matter how 'perfect' a story/book is (and again we're going into subjective territory), there will always be readers who don't like it.

I believe that's the reason why usually our contest votes are spread through most stories - they appeal to different types of people, even in such a short form, even with a very specific theme.
:)
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Offline Lady Ty

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Re: [Jun 2015] - Multiple POVs - Voting Thread
« Reply #36 on: July 26, 2015, 12:26:42 PM »
Thanks @ScarletBea, that makes sense. I didn't mean my judging was as formal and cold as it sounded, not like that at all. I initially just go with what appeals to me for many different emotion related reasons, but when I have to start comparing one against the other I find it so hard.

Seldom have to make these judgments in RL, imagine having to be on an Award or a Prize committee and reading hundreds of whole books. No wonder those results are always controversial.
“This is the problem with even lesser demons. They come to your doorstep in velvet coats and polished shoes. They tip their hats and smile and demonstrate good table manners. They never show you their tails.” 
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Offline JMack

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Re: [Jun 2015] - Multiple POVs - Voting Thread
« Reply #37 on: July 26, 2015, 02:31:03 PM »
Thanks @ScarletBea, that makes sense. I didn't mean my judging was as formal and cold as it sounded, not like that at all. I initially just go with what appeals to me for many different emotion related reasons, but when I have to start comparing one against the other I find it so hard.

Seldom have to make these judgments in RL, imagine having to be on an Award or a Prize committee and reading hundreds of whole books. No wonder those results are always controversial.

I find myself torn between "did the story meet the prompt" and "is the story awesome"? I think if it's in the ballpark on the prompt, then awesomeness takes over before more on the prompt.
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)
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Offline xiagan

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Re: [Jun 2015] - Multiple POVs - Voting Thread
« Reply #38 on: July 26, 2015, 04:41:28 PM »
16 votes so far, wow! :)
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Offline ScarletBea

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Re: [Jun 2015] - Multiple POVs - Voting Thread
« Reply #39 on: July 26, 2015, 04:42:25 PM »
17 :D
(just finished!)
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Offline TOMunro

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Re: [Jun 2015] - Multiple POVs - Voting Thread
« Reply #40 on: July 26, 2015, 08:23:28 PM »
voted - some nice variations on a theme and it was good to be able to pick five very different approaches to the same brief. 
« Last Edit: July 26, 2015, 08:29:19 PM by TOMunro »

Offline ScarletBea

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Re: [Jun 2015] - Multiple POVs - Voting Thread
« Reply #41 on: July 26, 2015, 08:26:52 PM »
And your post made me realise something...
@wakarimasen, in your attempt to say a few words about everyone's story, why did you skip Tom's?
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Offline Henry Dale

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Re: [Jun 2015] - Multiple POVs - Voting Thread
« Reply #42 on: July 26, 2015, 08:47:06 PM »
@wakarimasen

Spoiler for Hiden:
@Henry dale, book your dream vacation today
From first para: It'd been a dream since he was a kid.
What had?
A little repetition like with the “towering towers” when they’re landing.
Liked the general setting but it felt a little too familiar in a Jurassic sense, if you know what I mean.
Could have made more of Lloyd’s slimy character, I kind of wanted him to get eaten.

Thanks for the early review for everyone :)

It was a bit of a "tribute" to jurassic park in a fantasy sense so the familiarity isn't much of a coincidence  :P
It'd been a dream for him to visit other worlds. Thanks for pointing that vagueness out! ^^
Couldn't make much more out of Donald's characterisation, unfortunately. I had to cut out a lot cuz I was over the word limit. Maybe I'll use this idea for a proper short story some day though :)

Offline wakarimasen

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Re: [Jun 2015] - Multiple POVs - Voting Thread
« Reply #43 on: July 27, 2015, 12:57:44 PM »
@ScarletBea Eeeek! I missed one.
Was dipping in and out when I read them through the first time...
Nothing personal @TOMunro - here's your couple of sentence critique (no obligation to read it of course)
Spoiler for Hiden:
Found a few  sentences contained too many adjectives: e.g. Rose and wound
First para: Not sure a drone can diffract.
Liked the use of armour to try and get across the fall of the city, but the leap to their memories of being awoken wasn’t very clear.
As the writing progressed it got less verbose, which really helped. I liked the pov changes in this one, each had something to offer. It had a heartwarming end too, not something we get a lot when demonstrating grey morality.



Offline TOMunro

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Re: [Jun 2015] - Multiple POVs - Voting Thread
« Reply #44 on: July 27, 2015, 10:49:48 PM »
@wakarimasen No problem and thanks for the thoughts.

Spoiler for Hiden:
There are places where the story could be tighter. One of the first bits of advice a friend gave me when I was thirteen and writing Hornblower rip-offs was, "Don't write such convoluted sentences."  It was and is good advice, though I still sometimes stray from the path of righteousness  :) 

I had a bit of Schindler's list in my mind with the ending, I'm glad you liked the fact that it ended positively.
« Last Edit: July 27, 2015, 10:51:36 PM by TOMunro »