May 26, 2017, 05:45:04 PM

Author Topic: [Jan 2017] - Urban Fantasy - Critic Thread  (Read 1588 times)

Offline D_Bates

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Re: [Jan 2017] - Urban Fantasy - Critic Thread
« Reply #30 on: March 13, 2017, 01:09:55 PM »
Hmm, no idea how I quoted myself O_o. That's one way to bump up the post count I guess...
« Last Edit: March 13, 2017, 09:50:43 PM by D_Bates »
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Re: [Jan 2017] - Urban Fantasy - Critic Thread
« Reply #31 on: March 13, 2017, 05:11:35 PM »
Thanks @D_Bates

You're right about me pushing the 'dead' aspect too much at the start. I thin I must've written some of that before I settled on a more comedic tone. And a lot of my sentences are a bit too wordy. (I blame academic writing for that one)

The shouting of 'Taser' is supposed to be realistic. If my research is right, you legally have to give a verbal warning before firing one, or you can be sued, disciplined, etc.

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Re: [Jan 2017] - Urban Fantasy - Critic Thread
« Reply #32 on: March 13, 2017, 09:49:08 PM »
Np. I didn't think the sentences were too wordy. The writing on a whole was quite excellent imo. Most of the issues were just concision aspects, which every writer does, and is something you learn to edit out once you realise how to spot it (thanks to feedbacks!)

I feel for you about the dead aspect too. I had the same issue with mine, where I had this dark and brooding tale that sort of became a Mario parody out of god knows where! The comedy was really good though. There were some spiffy little one liners in there that made me grin and I'm rather envious of, as they came so natural.

As for the Taser shout, I learnt something there! Though surely the point of that is to warn people you have a Taser so they can surrender before you use it, no? Seems a bit harsh to shout "Taser!" as you're pulling the trigger! Kind of like shouting "Gun!" just as you pop somebody in the head, or "Bat!" a second before cracking somebody's knees... oh my gosh, I can have so much fun with this!
« Last Edit: March 13, 2017, 10:45:19 PM by D_Bates »
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Re: [Jan 2017] - Urban Fantasy - Critic Thread
« Reply #33 on: March 14, 2017, 05:30:08 AM »
Np. I didn't think the sentences were too wordy. The writing on a whole was quite excellent imo. Most of the issues were just concision aspects, which every writer does, and is something you learn to edit out once you realise how to spot it (thanks to feedbacks!)

I feel for you about the dead aspect too. I had the same issue with mine, where I had this dark and brooding tale that sort of became a Mario parody out of god knows where! The comedy was really good though. There were some spiffy little one liners in there that made me grin and I'm rather envious of, as they came so natural.

As for the Taser shout, I learnt something there! Though surely the point of that is to warn people you have a Taser so they can surrender before you use it, no? Seems a bit harsh to shout "Taser!" as you're pulling the trigger! Kind of like shouting "Gun!" just as you pop somebody in the head, or "Bat!" a second before cracking somebody's knees... oh my gosh, I can have so much fun with this!

The warning isn't for the person being tased - it's for everyone else. Just like yelling "clear!" in a hospital before zapping the patient, which is not to warn the patient. Anyone touching the person is liable to be shocked as well, and if you were an officer holding a gun, you could easily shoot someone and/or yourself.

One caveat - the warning may also be to provide people with pacemakers the opportunity to mention it before they are instantly killed.
« Last Edit: March 14, 2017, 06:02:27 AM by The Gem Cutter »
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Re: [Jan 2017] - Urban Fantasy - Critic Thread
« Reply #34 on: March 14, 2017, 12:15:38 PM »
Ah, that makes sense then. Although the pacemaker one is still rather useless if the warning comes so late you have no time to mention it.
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Re: [Jan 2017] - Urban Fantasy - Critic Thread
« Reply #35 on: March 14, 2017, 01:05:48 PM »
@Lanko:

Review of "Crossroads." Note: I have not read anyone else's critique of the story.

Spoiler for Hiden:
There's a funny thing that happens when I go back to do a critique, and that's that I read the story with more attention and interest. Sometimes, I get this odd feeling that I forgot to read it before I voted. "How could I have skipped this one. It's so good!" Other times, I go "oh yeah, really nice effort, but now I remember why it wasn't quite at the top of my list."

Your story goes in the first category. I'd have to re-read everything else to remember why I didn't vote for yours, since there's so much to like.

But it may have come down to to this: the dislocations in time threw me. The story is in present tense, but sometimes not?
>"I'm going to have to live on the road." Well, I didn't get until after a full read and starting this text that this is in the future relative to the rest of the story. Which is pretty hard when the whole thing is in present tense.
>"Tomorrow I visit my shack in the hills." Wow, this threw me. He's in prison, but tomorrow he visits his shack. OK, I get it later: he can teleport to it. But I still get stuck on "tomorrow."

I just proved what a lazy reader I am. I don't like to be utterly confused, though I do like to be tricked, as I was with the "death" of the love interest. Back to confusion, the word limit gets in the way some, but I needed more grounding:
> The government, in the dubious person of Captain Fabio, sends Berto back to prison to spy on his friends. The gang has been operating from the prison because they can, and it's convenient to already be arrested. But Berto has other plans, which is kill them all and convince the federales that he and Carla are dead too. Go on the road.
> And I still don't know if I have this right.

The strengths of your story are the incredible specificity of Rio and the criminal life. But I think you could have filed off enough words from the scene/mood-setting to clarify the events.

> Um, and how did Berto get a gun in to see Marcos with the two bodyguards escorting him? Or did Carla have the gun? Who took the shots? And if it was Carla, was the plan that the bodyguards would open doors for Berto and Carla would slip through? Why not open a circle and bring them both through? And why.....? Then there's....?  ;)

The story has an awesome voice, fascinating specificity, and a solid basic plotline. But I got hung up on clarity and timeframe.

 

The great thing in my mind, is that you could re-write this as a 4K-7K word story so easily. And I think you should.
« Last Edit: March 14, 2017, 01:08:04 PM by Jmack »
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Re: [Jan 2017] - Urban Fantasy - Critic Thread
« Reply #36 on: March 14, 2017, 01:22:21 PM »
Ah, that makes sense then. Although the pacemaker one is still rather useless if the warning comes so late you have no time to mention it.
Not sure how universal the comedy show Saturday Night Live is, but this comment reminded me of a skit they did in the 70s where the cops bust in the door, shoot everyone like five times, and then yell "FREEZE!"  ;D
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Offline D_Bates

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Re: [Jan 2017] - Urban Fantasy - Critic Thread
« Reply #37 on: March 14, 2017, 03:11:01 PM »
@Lanko

Will try not to go into too deep a detail here, as reading other responses it seems a lot of what I experienced has already been said, and you summed up the issues very nicely in your own review, which shows an excellent awareness of where your own development needs to go.

For the story itself, like others, I had difficulty getting into it, but started to enjoy it a lot more the deeper I got. I particularly liked the first person narrative style. It was very personal and direct and really felt like the character was 'speaking' to me. You had a fair number of excellent paragraphs where the character revealed his views on the world around him, such as the opening freedom on the road one, life in prisons, as well as the character description of the german.

In fact, the similes to modern day pop culture were really good. They're risky in some sense, because you require the reader to know them. But this reader at least did, and got a huge smile out of a Johnny Bravo reference!

The biggest issue I had was understanding what was going on. This is likely down to the severe cuts you had to make, and I'd be lying to say that I wouldn't be interested to see what the original 4-5k version looked like, as there were a lot of interesting ideas floated about.

In terms of this story, I think you're right that you overloaded the characters. The german could have easily been cut. I never really got Marcos as the 'villain', and was quite confused as to why he got killed. Likewise, I never got the impression that Carla was killed, only that he faked their deaths in order to escape the military.

I think one of the big problems with the start was that I struggled to get a grasp of what the protagonist was facing. The opening paragraph suggested that he was a wanderer, where in actual fact the story was building to him becoming such, so a transition was sort of missing that informed us that the first paragraph is him speaking in the present, and the following is him speaking about the past.

The prison part as well, I would have probably cut back if not entirely, because I wasn't sure how it related to him being on the road. The close descriptions of life in the cells, while all excellent, goes on for too long in a 1500 word story when you consider that it's all background exposition of how he got into the unit, which isn't so relevant to your core plot of why and how he plans to leave it. Once past that and it became clear he was a 'super soldier' who wanted out the story flowed and the writing picked up to be a whole lot better imo. So in that sense, I think you could have cut all but the first paragraph before the cliff scene, and devoted that backstory exposition word-count to developing the internal crisis the protag has with his department.

Likewise, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said about cutting character count down. I'd have cut the german (a best friend who he doesn't know the name of?) and Marcos, and used their word-space to build up his relationship with Fabio, possibly turning him into some sort of father figure who mentored (maybe harshly at times) our protag into this group. He's the big boss, right? And killing your boss is about as high as you can get to rejecting your current role in life in order to start over. To be honest, you could have even cut Carla, who's only role is to play romantic support. But this ends up boiling down to how much word-space you have leftover once the primary plot is complete, at which point whatever's left can be given to these bonus depth narratives to expand the character's life.

I'll add a few specifics on the writing issues others mentioned. This is aimed at helping development, and it's something that gets worked out with practice, so take it as the help it's intended to be and not as some sort of 'dumping on the ability' as the mind so quickly reacts to it being:
- 'I believe someone living on the road constantly restart their lives with one finality' - Here, 'someone' is singular, but 'lives' is plural, so you want to switch one or the other since they are linked to the same topic. So it's either: someone and life, or people and lives.

- prove to themselves that they really changed - This felt weird to me, and it's because the word have is missing after they. So either use 'they've' or 'they have'. They've is probably better, as it's more natural and thus more intimate for your first person narrative, plus it saves one word where every word counts!

- 'you son of a bitch," Captain Fabio's pushes me.' - Two problems here. Firstly, the 's is for possession. So here, it means that pushes belongs to Captain Fabio. That can't possibly be the case, since pushes isn't a physical object like a hat that Captain Fabio can own. So it should be Captain Fabio, or Captain Fabios if the s a legitimate part of his last name. Secondly, when you end speech with a comma, it's only to relay who spoke that speech and how it was delivered. The push is an action unrelated to the speech, even if it is happening at the same time, so you wouldn't link it to the speech with a comma like this. You'd either end the speech with a full stop and have the push sentence on its own, which suggests that the push comes straight after the speech. Or, if you want to link it to the speech as an action happening at the same time, keep the comma, and go: son of a bitch," said/shouted/screamed Captain Fabio, pushing/shoving me.

- 'one more eating tainted, pulled out of trash food' - Something is missing here after tainted, since tainted is an adjective and not an object. The pork can be tainted and you can eat tainted pork, but you can't eat tainted by itself.

- 'shivering in the rough cement coughing with pneumonia in winter. - This was a nice analogy, but you need a 'while' or something after cement, as currently it reads as if the rough cement is coughing with pneumonia which makes no sense.

- 'Snoring and farts causes death - This sentence made me laugh, but something didn't feel right, mainly because of causes. I'd have written this either as: 'Snores and farts cause deaths.' or 'Snoring and farting causes/results in death.'

- 'missing even more pages' - The 'even more' here implies that we're aware pages are missing to begin with. That's not the case, although this could be a fallout of your edits where in a previous version there was mention of books with pages missing.

- 'and walks surrounded and protected by' - As before, something feels missing here, and I'd add the word 'around/about' after walks. Technically, what you've written isn't wrong, but the flow is just slightly out where that extra word smooths out the journey.

- 'who never gets tanned, only burn so much they almost bubble.' - Here, the two halves of the sentence on either side of the comma are so strong they're fighting with each other rather than complementing one another. The back end is a follow on, so I would weaken it slightly to complement with something like: but rather burns so much that they almost bubble.

- gives me hope she listens - This doesn't quite make sense to me. When you hope somebody listens, its sort of a wish that something in the future happens when you speak to them. However, that he's stating that he's still alive suggest that she's either already heard what he's had to say or that she knows what he's going to say. The former is confirmed when in the next paragraph she whispers, "You're right." So the end of that sentence should either reader: 'hope she's listened.' or 'hope she understands.'

Hope some of this helps. I'll end by reiterating my complement for your strong first person narrative. First person is really difficult to pull off well, and grammar blips aside, you did an excellent job of it here, so well done and keep at it!
« Last Edit: March 14, 2017, 03:42:04 PM by D_Bates »
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Re: [Jan 2017] - Urban Fantasy - Critic Thread
« Reply #38 on: March 14, 2017, 03:31:15 PM »
Thanks @Jmack !

The funny thing is that the original version did have 4k words (4,2k to be exact). By the last day it still had 2,5k. So yeah, I totally agree how that ruthless cutting influenced clarity and scene transitions. More details if you are interested in my own thoughts in page 1 ;)

A few of your problems with the story have some answers (mostly on my fault on my butcher editing  ::)):

Spoiler for Hiden:
Quote
>"I'm going to have to live on the road." Well, I didn't get until after a full read and starting this text that this is in the future relative to the rest of the story. Which is pretty hard when the whole thing is in present tense.

I'm not sure if this what you meant, but the starting paragraph isn't in the future, it's the protagonist reflecting how he came to the decision to kill his boss and fake his death to get the world off his back. It's on present time, while he is being transported to prison.

To be fair, the original didn't start there. His teleport power is desired even by US military, which is why he really needs to fake his death as just running and teleporting away to other places would solve nothing.

Quote
"Tomorrow I visit my shack in the hills." Wow, this threw me. He's in prison, but tomorrow he visits his shack. OK, I get it later: he can teleport to it. But I still get stuck on "tomorrow."

I totally fucked up in this part. I wrote something like "I got a conditional."

Originally, I used some "show don't tell" to clarify. He remembers when he was being in trial (he's a famous criminal after all) and the judge sentences him to jail but he can serve his sentence time in freedom, only needing to sleep in prison so the feds can keep tabs on him constantly.
This even works for crimes like murder (though you would need to serve a few years before getting a conditional).
The MC is a pretty big criminal, so him getting a sentence like that is obviously staged (the judge even winked at him). But it served the purposes for him to meet feds and chances at night to kill the guy in prison.

So that's why Roberto can go to his shack the following day, he didn't teleport.

But I had to cut that and had to only tell. That's where I fucked up. I only realized this when night_wrtr sent me a PM asking what the heck was a conditional.

In the rush to cut to the word limit I just tossed "conditional" in there and it didn't even cross my mind that the word might have a totally different meaning in say, US or UK. Or even if such a sentence exists elsewhere, it most likely uses a different juridic term. Oops.

Quote
> Um, and how did Berto get a gun in to see Marcos with the two bodyguards escorting him? Or did Carla have the gun? Who took the shots? And if it was Carla, was the plan that the bodyguards would open doors for Berto and Carla would slip through? Why not open a circle and bring them both through?

Another "show don't tell" that had to be cut.

After "shooting" Carla, Berto drops the gun before setting the studio on fire. So Carla simply picks it up. But I cut the part that he dropped it. A mistake, as probably everyone assumed he left carrying the gun.

It was Carla who took the shots. There was a scene where Berto, now with Carla at his side (but without the reader knowing), returns to the prison. There's a metal detector, Berto passes through it and the alarm rings. The guards surround him and search him and find nothing. He passes through the detector again and nothing happens. The guards are puzzled but they let him through thinking it was a bug on the detector. But it was Carla that while invisible and slightly ahead of Berto, passed through the detector with the gun and gave everyone the impression Berto had metal on him.
But that had to be cut...

Berto couldn't open a circle inside Marcos' cell because everyone needed to see him getting in there so he could stage his death. If he simply teleported in there would be no witnesses to tell the authorities that he fought with Marcos and a fire started with him there.

Guess the word count pretty much ate me alive this month. Though it was more on me failing to cut some not-so-important things and lacking focus on what was important.
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Re: [Jan 2017] - Urban Fantasy - Critic Thread
« Reply #39 on: March 14, 2017, 04:24:17 PM »
Thanks, @D_Bates ! Extremely detailed and helpful critique!

@Lanko
But this reader at least did, and got a huge smile out of a Johnny Bravo reference!

Yay, someone got it!

The biggest issue I had was understanding what was going on. This is likely down to the severe cuts you had to make, and I'd be lying to say that I wouldn't be interested to see what the original 4-5k version looked like, as there were a lot of interesting ideas floated about.

Damn, night_wrtr said the same thing. Sadly, I don't have the 4k or even the 2,5k version anymore, as I edited and cut on the same document. Should've made a copy...

I think one of the big problems with the start was that I struggled to get a grasp of what the protagonist was facing. The opening paragraph suggested that he was a wanderer, where in actual fact the story was building to him becoming such, so a transition was sort of missing that informed us that the first paragraph is him speaking in the present, and the following is him speaking about the past.

Interesting. The story did start when he was wandering through various states (Brazil is a continental country with states bigger than some European countries) then is found by the military (both national and foreign) and decides to make a deal and form his plan.

The prison part as well, I would have probably cut back if not entirely, because I wasn't sure how it related to him being on the road. The close descriptions of life in the cells, while all excellent, goes on for too long in a 1500 word story when you consider that it's all background exposition of how he got into the unit, which isn't so relevant to your core plot of why and how he plans to leave it. Once past that and it became clear he was a 'super soldier' who wanted out the story flowed and the writing picked up to be a whole lot better imo. So in that sense, I think you could have cut all but the first paragraph before the cliff scene, and devoted that backstory exposition word-count to developing the internal crisis the protag has with his department.

Now that I think about it, you're right and this probably could've solved all my problems. I wished I had thought of that.

- 'you son of a bitch," Captain Fabio's pushes me.' -

Thanks for all the feedback on grammar. I'm quoting this one because it's the only typo created by rushed editing. The original was something like: "Roberto you son of a bitch," screams Captain Fabio behind me. "I don't know how you convinced the governor, but you don't fool me." Captain Fabio's grip on his baton is so tight his knuckles are white." Or something like that. When cutting/rewording to the limit I missed the apostrophe and the comma. Oops.

- 'and walks surrounded and protected by' - As before, something feels missing here, and I'd add the word 'around/about' after walks. Technically, what you've written isn't wrong, but the flow is just slightly out where that extra word smooths out the journey.

Damn! It did have "around" after "walks"! But like you said, I did remove it because technically it wasn't wrong.

All the others were purely my fault. Thanks again!
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Re: [Jan 2017] - Urban Fantasy - Critic Thread
« Reply #40 on: March 14, 2017, 05:47:54 PM »
Np Lanko. And I feel you with edits.

Oh, the amount of times I've beaten myself up when I've gone into second edits to find things that I knew were right before have somehow mysteriously been messed up. I swear there's a document goblin that just goes around deleting/changing words and adding repeats all over the place while cackling like a witch on steroids.
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Re: [Jan 2017] - Urban Fantasy - Critic Thread
« Reply #41 on: March 16, 2017, 02:38:22 PM »
@shadowkat678

There were a lot of interesting things going on here. I think you summed up a lot of the problems in your response to night_wrtr which shows good awareness of your own weaknesses. I get the impression you're quite young to writing? I say this because I see a lot of my own bubbly enthusiasm from 7-8 years ago in your posts, so I'm going to cater this more to helping you progress in construction than nitpicking about lines and grammar which will inherently improve the more you write.

I think one of the bigger things that let the story down was that it was heavily based on the Arthurian Legend? Something to be aware of when you base a story off a previous one--or even pop culture references--is that not everybody necessarily knows those previous stories as well as you. While I'm familiar with Arthur and Merlin, I've never read their stories, so if Morgan or Mordred were a part of that I don't know those characters. So if you rely on the reader knowing the backstory of the original creations in order to understand yours, someone like me has no hope in hell of getting it due to that lack of knowledge.

Obviously in larger works you have a lot more space to fill in that history, but for short stories, even if the characters/plot is inspired from elsewhere, you need to make it your own and detail the important aspects from those previous tales your focusing on so that the reader can understand the full context of what's happening. And that sort of goes to fixing night's point about knowing what he was rooting for.

Now, when you think of that, I'm sure the first thing that comes to mind is "Oh my God, but the word count was already so tight!" Yes, it is, so now I'll try to give some ideas on how you can maximise it.

So in terms of the plot, you have all the ingredients in place. We have three characters, and the structure has three parts: the beginning (plotting against Merlin), the middle (confronting Merlin), and the end (the fallout of the encounter), so that's an excellent start.

The next stage is to decide your PoV character. I would caution against head-hopping in general. It can be done, but it takes an awful lot of skill and even then a dash of luck to pull off well. You also have to take into account that the more heads you hop into, the more word-count you create, since you need all those extra sentences to readjust the reader to the new character and how they feel about previously told events in order to shape their upcoming thoughts/decisions. That's fine if you're writing a novel under the rule of 'it's as long as it takes to be done', but when writing a short story with a ridiculously tight 1500 word limit it becomes a recipe for disaster.

So in that sense, how do we decide who the PoV character is in your story? Well, my initial inclination is to go with Mordred, which seems to be supported by your response to night since he was almost the entire focus of your response. And that's an interesting choice, because as I previously said, I don't know the Mordred character, so this is exploring a lesser known character from the old legend and giving him fresh time on the page.

Now we have Mordred as the focus, the question becomes: what is his struggle? And to me it seems to be about personal survival/ambition. So that's the detail you want to focus on in his relationship with his mother and Merlin.

During the plotting, deliver why this battle with Merlin is important to him: how does he benefit from it? What does he hope the outcome will be and why?

You could have started the story with him waiting for his mother, internally moaning of her being late, and then deliver her character details from that initial opening as she appears, only we're now viewing her through Mordred's PoV rather than this internal oversight of herself that it currently is. And in a way that allows you to bloat her characteristics up, because how we view one another is often far more dramatic than how we view ourselves.

One of the general criticisms I'd make in that meeting was that it came off rather weak how Morgan was telling Mordred why he should help, when the reasoning she gave should be things he's already aware of. This is exposition pothole 101, where a character has a blackout of current events surrounding them, thus forcing another character to explain their own circumstances. And part of this was brought about because you were tied to Morgan's PoV when you should have been in Mordred's.

So once we're through the intro (and in breaking down the plot, you should be aiming for no more than 500 words, since that's the third of the ful count you've got for the story) we move onto the middle, the battle.

Now, action is very hard to write. If ever the writing rule 'less is more' applies, it's to action. From personal experience, I made huge mistakes early on trying to write big elaborate battles, because my basis for good action is television and video games. The problem is, you can get away with over the top action sequences in those medias because a swing and clash of a sword with lots of sparks and explosions takes all but 1 second. In contrast, reading that last sentence probably took at least 5.

So cutting action back to general overviews leading into the important moments is crucial, and again, for a short story you can use your word count limit to judge it. This is especially true when, again, you want to keep the PoV on Mordred, who is mostly observing the battle. So all you need is general descriptions of how the battle is going for him to base his decisions on how to interfere and influence it in the direction he wants.

Once you reduce the action down, you then have room to describe the key event that's currently lacking in your story, and that is: why does Mordred decide to kill his mother?

If you modify the original explanation from 'We don't know what happens if I die' to 'You will die if I die, so it's in your best interest to help me', that makes the stakes crystal clear. So now we need that crucial moment of why Mordred is willing to sacrifice his own life by ending his mother's. What is it Merlin uncovers about her scheming that has Mordred willing to interfere and stop her? And that's your climax of this action scene which is going to deliver the emotional punch to your reader.

So with that all done, we move into the fallout section, and it's possible that the fallout only takes a couple of hundred words rather than the full 500, which gives you leeway to expand on the middle section if you need to. You could do the fallout how you originally conceived: a confrontation between Merlin/Mordred where a degree of respect/understanding grows between them. Or you could do it how you did, with Mordred reflecting on his changing circumstances and whether he feels the decision he made was ultimately worth it. It's this section that gives the writer the opportunity to flex their personal opinion on their own story, since the reader is able to decide for themselves whether they agree or not based on their own interpretation of the events.

Whew. I hope that all hasn't overloaded you and you've gotten something positive out of it. I'll end by saying keep at it! You come across as having a ton of passion for the craft, and passion is the base of all success. I'm looking forward to seeing what you produce in coming months.
« Last Edit: March 16, 2017, 02:55:50 PM by D_Bates »
David Bates
Author of Ciara: A Faun's Tale

Offline Jmack

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Re: [Jan 2017] - Urban Fantasy - Critic Thread
« Reply #42 on: March 18, 2017, 01:15:11 PM »
@D_Bates , you are once again such a thorough and thinking reviewer of people's material. Just saying. (Yes, thinking. Thoughtful is such an odd word. I want it to mean full of careful thinking, but these days we just read it as "nice".)
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)

Offline shadowkat678

Re: [Jan 2017] - Urban Fantasy - Critic Thread
« Reply #43 on: March 21, 2017, 02:25:24 AM »
Shit. I forgot about the thread again. Anyone not been reviewed? I've been dealing with...well. Lets just say stress.
Be not a writer, but a Storyweaver. For that, my friend, is how you'll truly leave your mark.

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