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Author Topic: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Discussion Thread  (Read 28843 times)

Offline Lanko

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Re: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Discussion Thread
« Reply #75 on: December 10, 2016, 10:54:25 PM »
I did finish one draft. Just haven't gotten back to my other three ideas. If you allow me to submit multiples under @Anonymous, we can get a bunch to vote for!

Tssk, stop fishing for votes, Atku, come out of Jmack's body!

I always thought it was Jmack that came out of Atku's body  ::) 

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Offline J.R. Darewood

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Re: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Discussion Thread
« Reply #76 on: December 13, 2016, 09:05:40 AM »
So that I don't forget when we open the critique thread in the distant and uncertain future, far, far away, here's what I struggled with in writing this month:

Spoiler for Hiden:

**I feel like I didn't quite capture the voice of my main character properly.  Oil and climate change will be foreign to Berber bedouins, but they won't completely incomprehensible.  I didn't quite capture that in-between balance of distant familiarity when discussing the "car with the seashell painted on it" and other conceptions of the English.  His response to the photograph tho, that was probably right on.

**Speaking of which, the bedouins don't practice human sacrifice, though their neighbors to the south do.  It wouldn't have been a sacrifice to Azi Dahaka though (who, by the way doesn't bring rain).  If they had wanted to bring rain, they would have consulted a soma to commune with the old gods, usually close relatives of the same animist Yourba pantheon found in voodoo.  They would have most likely buried the man alive as a sacrifice to appease the god the soma identified in exchange for the alternative future they desired.  I feel like this story might piss people who know about these things off.

**The description of the desert was lacking, sporadic and uninspired

**It kind of plods along with not much of an arc

**Here's what's driving me crazy most of all: the bit at the end about the dragon coming to tear apart the village if it's called w/o offering a sacrifice-- that kinda drops in out of nowhere.  I had thought about referring to it earlier on, when he first mentions the thing with the blood and the ancient words and whatnot, but it sort of messed with the flow and seemed like an infodump.  The other option was to just cut it out altogether and have my MC tie himself to the post b/c his people need the rain that bad.  That actually might be even *more* powerful.  If I can find some time before the end of the month to write OTHER THAN WHEN IT'S 3AM B/C MY LIFE SUCKS then I might just go back and fix that. [edit: I think i fixed this one]

**The balance of description at the end.  I'd actually waffled on keeping or removing that second-to-last paragraph where I describe the dragon in greater detail, jumping straight to my MC's only dialogue. I'm not sure whether I got things right in ramping tension up or just going too far with it.

So those are my thoughts ATM, saved for critique day!

« Last Edit: December 21, 2016, 12:56:47 PM by Bradley Darewood »

Offline Nora

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Re: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Discussion Thread
« Reply #77 on: December 13, 2016, 03:43:15 PM »
Damn. My idea seemed so nifty and gloomily written, but through the re-reading process to reshape the plot-line and write the ending, I really struggle with what I've written. It feels like a beginner version of what I could have written. It feels like rereading submissions a year and a half old. Super weird.
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Offline Rukaio_Alter

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Re: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Discussion Thread
« Reply #78 on: December 13, 2016, 05:00:02 PM »
Damn. My idea seemed so nifty and gloomily written, but through the re-reading process to reshape the plot-line and write the ending, I really struggle with what I've written. It feels like a beginner version of what I could have written. It feels like rereading submissions a year and a half old. Super weird.
Yeah, that happens to me all the time. I write up a ton one night and feel great about it. Then I look it over the next morning and the pacing's all wonky, the jokes fall flat and it just reads like something's off.

My advice? Give it a bit of time to settle before looking it over again. Usually, on a third read, it turns up not as bad as you think and it's easier to edit without that soul-crushing feeling of 'Everything I did sucked' hanging over your head.
5 Times Winner of the Forum Writing Contest who Totally Hasn't Let it All go to his Head.

Spoiler for Hiden:
Also, <Insert GOD EMPEROR OF THE WRITING CONTEST joke here>

Offline Nora

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Re: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Discussion Thread
« Reply #79 on: December 13, 2016, 05:39:10 PM »
Damn. My idea seemed so nifty and gloomily written, but through the re-reading process to reshape the plot-line and write the ending, I really struggle with what I've written. It feels like a beginner version of what I could have written. It feels like rereading submissions a year and a half old. Super weird.
Yeah, that happens to me all the time. I write up a ton one night and feel great about it. Then I look it over the next morning and the pacing's all wonky, the jokes fall flat and it just reads like something's off.

My advice? Give it a bit of time to settle before looking it over again. Usually, on a third read, it turns up not as bad as you think and it's easier to edit without that soul-crushing feeling of 'Everything I did sucked' hanging over your head.

I've gone for a brutal revision, copy pasted the thing in a new page and rewrote it in large chunks. I think the idea behind the whole story is too emo to ever be good though. So we'll see, I'll do as you say and let it take a day off!
"She will need coffee soon, or molecular degeneration will set in. Her French phrasing will take over even more strongly, and soon she will dissolve into a puddle of alienation and Kierkegaardian despair."  ~ Jmack

Wishy washy lyricism and maudlin unrequited love are my specialty - so said Lady_Ty

Offline Roelor

Re: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Discussion Thread
« Reply #80 on: December 16, 2016, 02:59:39 PM »
Never even thought of writing about dragons. Decided to write it from the Dragons POV in first person, which is my second try. Thoroughly enjoyed the challenge and to read all the submitted stories so far. I feel so, uncreative compared to many of the other stories!

I wanna read more dragons now!

Offline JMack

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Re: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Discussion Thread
« Reply #81 on: December 16, 2016, 06:20:51 PM »
Hi, everyone! On the way back from business trip, I wrote a second dragon story. I've got at least one more working it's way through the brain. I'll have to post them all at some point.
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
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Offline Nora

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Re: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Discussion Thread
« Reply #82 on: December 17, 2016, 01:35:40 AM »
Pfiuu, just finished writing my first story just in order to send it through to some supporting person for pre-review.

I should be sleeping, but hey, sleep is for the weak right?

What I find funny is that this month my first, finished idea, starts depressing and stays pretty gloomy, but has a real happy ending! Nobody actively dies or anything!
But then I've started writing a second story, which I've never done, so far, which starts well enough and ends in pretty justified bloodshed. It's like I can't stop myself.
"She will need coffee soon, or molecular degeneration will set in. Her French phrasing will take over even more strongly, and soon she will dissolve into a puddle of alienation and Kierkegaardian despair."  ~ Jmack

Wishy washy lyricism and maudlin unrequited love are my specialty - so said Lady_Ty

Offline Nora

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Re: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Discussion Thread
« Reply #83 on: December 21, 2016, 12:10:48 PM »
Well!

Despite my misgivings, I've chosen to submit the happy ending story, edited as it is. Action free mind to mind dialogue, here we come! Gotta try my hand at all the weird stuff.
"She will need coffee soon, or molecular degeneration will set in. Her French phrasing will take over even more strongly, and soon she will dissolve into a puddle of alienation and Kierkegaardian despair."  ~ Jmack

Wishy washy lyricism and maudlin unrequited love are my specialty - so said Lady_Ty

Offline J.R. Darewood

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Re: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Discussion Thread
« Reply #84 on: December 24, 2016, 07:20:48 AM »

@Nora, I love how

Spoiler for Hiden:
your idea of a happy ending is one where your MC gets eaten

**DO NOT READ ABOVE SPOILER UNLESS YOU HAVE ALREADY FINISHED NORA'S STORY**

Offline Nora

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Re: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Discussion Thread
« Reply #85 on: December 24, 2016, 09:03:26 AM »
Hummmm.... What gives you this impression @Bradley Darewood !?
Soaring means rising in the sky.

Spoiler for Hiden:
in the ending the great dragon offers to carry the MC away and the Mc accepts. They both leave a war torn country.

I obviously need to do some editing...
"She will need coffee soon, or molecular degeneration will set in. Her French phrasing will take over even more strongly, and soon she will dissolve into a puddle of alienation and Kierkegaardian despair."  ~ Jmack

Wishy washy lyricism and maudlin unrequited love are my specialty - so said Lady_Ty

Offline xiagan

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Re: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Discussion Thread
« Reply #86 on: December 27, 2016, 10:14:20 AM »
So.. you got some stories to post in the last few days? :)
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Offline m3mnoch

Re: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Discussion Thread
« Reply #87 on: December 27, 2016, 02:37:45 PM »
So.. you got some stories to post in the last few days? :)

right?!

it's why i'm so quiet around here this week.  i need to write and polish about 7k words before the end of the month.  luckily, i took the week off work.

Offline JMack

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Re: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Discussion Thread
« Reply #88 on: December 27, 2016, 03:05:24 PM »
Posting my story today.
Sharing two stories around here over Christmas, there's a clear preference for one of them.
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)
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Offline ScarletBea

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Re: [DEC 2016] - Dragons! - Discussion Thread
« Reply #89 on: December 27, 2016, 03:27:24 PM »
So.. you got some stories to post in the last few days? :)
That's right - everyone should now have time after all the parties hehe
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