December 06, 2019, 02:45:15 AM

Author Topic: [DEC 2015] - Young Love - Discussion Thread  (Read 35185 times)

Offline ArcaneArtsVelho

  • Secretly I'm laughing about jurassic raccoon testicles. And a Writing Contest Regular
  • Auror
  • ***
  • Posts: 1020
  • Gender: Male
  • Only partially responsible for my custom title.
    • View Profile
Re: [DEC 2015] - Young Love - Discussion Thread
« Reply #180 on: December 31, 2015, 12:43:59 PM »
Thank you, but I don't know... that would feel like cheating.  ;)   I'll just have to try to finish my story by tomorrow afternoon.
Everything I wrote above is pure conjecture. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm a perfectionist but not very good at anything. That's why I rarely finish things.

Offline ScarletBea

  • Welcome party and bringer of Cake. 2nd-in-Command of the Writing Contest
  • Powers That Be
  • Big Wee Hag
  • *
  • Posts: 11259
  • Gender: Female
  • Geeky Reading Introvert
    • View Profile
    • LibraryThing profile
Re: [DEC 2015] - Young Love - Discussion Thread
« Reply #181 on: December 31, 2015, 06:45:05 PM »
Ok - I've checked this year's contests and mostly they closed on the 1st of the following month, so tomorrow afternoon is a good target.

Go on people, you can do it! Who needs to watch fireworks, just write your story 8)
At home in the Fantasy Faction forum!

"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all" - Douglas Adams

Offline JMack

  • Hircum Magna Rex of the Fabled Atku Temple, and writing contest regular
  • Writing Group
  • Ringbearer
  • *****
  • Posts: 6987
  • Gender: Male
  • Our daily efforts are love poems to the universe.
    • View Profile
    • Tales of Starlit Lands
Re: [DEC 2015] - Young Love - Discussion Thread
« Reply #182 on: December 31, 2015, 07:25:23 PM »
So I read two stories to my wife and my new step-mother, because I just finished a second Young Love story today. They both voted for leaving in the one I'd posted previously, even though they liked the new one too.

Therefore, for your reading pleasure, here is the second story. It's very unedited, but I hope folks enjoy it.

Spoiler for Hiden:
**A BETROTHAL**

"Psst!" Marita was bored. Her future husband was the only person in range of a whisper, which was all  she could get away with in this room crowded with priests, politicians, and parents. The urge to speak had been building from the moment her mother had ordered her to say nothing, and was now a physical pain.

Her future husband, his imperial eminence the prince, sat silent, his body hurting from the preemptive whipping he'd been given while the emperor watched, noting the date in his ledger. It would take more than 'psst' to make him disobey.

"Psst! No one can hear us." The priests had set up a droning chant, underlaid with drums and chimes. "If we're going to be married, we should start getting to know each other." The annoying boy just sat there, staring ahead as if she didn't exist. Marita was quite confident of her own existence, although she wondered about everyone else. They were there, they went about their business, but they didn't seem alive. Very few people stopped to really see anything. A bird could land on their nose, and they'd just continue doing whatever they'd been doing.

Marita tried again. "If a bird landed on your nose, what would you do?" She was gratified to see the prince's eyes dart over. She'd surprised him.

A trio of priests circled them, swinging incense. It tickled the prince's nose and made his eyes water. He tried blank his mind, but into that space came her question: 'What if a bird landed on your nose?' He'd brush it away; it might peck out his eyes. But what would he do if one landed on his nose right now, in the middle of the betrothal ceremony, when he'd been ordered to sit utterly still? He'd noticed birds flitting about in the rafters of the temple. Where were they now? He glanced up, then at the girl. He caught a tiny smirk on her lips.

The priests went back to their places, the future bride and groom properly fumigated. Marita said, "If we were alone right now, what would you do?" She'd been thinking that one up for the last few minutes. It was all she could do to stifle laughter. She looked for his reaction.

The prince's thoughts were spinning, but he kept control of his features. It wasn't as though he hadn't imagined his wedding night. But the girl herself hadn't been sitting a just feet away, mocking him with her eyes. He thought that if they were completely alone together, he'd just spank her. Then he realized what he'd be spanking, and his face went hot. She crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue. This was what he'd be married to? How would he ever keep a straight face when they had official business together?

"What's your name?" asked Marita.

What a strange question. Of course she knew his name. Was she stupid? He glanced over and their eyes met. No. She was far from stupid. She was positively dangerous.

The chanting stopped, and the golden doors of the hall were opened to reveal a train of gifts making its way toward the dais: working of ivory, gold, silk, and more, each delivered by some distant place desiring them good health and a fertile future. Five years early, thought Marita, and a silly custom anyway, though she did like the seashell chess set. With each gift, she and the prince had to stand, recite formalities, then sit again. By the fiftieth, her knees were shaking and her thighs ached. She stole a look at the prince, and admired his stoic patience. Well, if he can stand it, I can.

When they sat for the final time, they found they were surrounded by stacks of gifts piled so high that  no one could see them. It took Marita just a moment to appreciate this unexpected change. She turned on her bench to face the prince.

"What is your name?" she repeated, and added, "Your eminence," just in case he was one of those types. She didn't think he was, but you don't start a dance by insulting your partner.

"What's yours?" whispered the prince. She smiled, and it lit the shadows in his heart.

"You first," she said.

"Prince Emit kra Maras Gurgido Borad Daran." She is so pretty, he thought. He'd have a pretty wife.

"That's not it," said Marita. "Your name is what you call yourself. Those names are the costume you put on each morning. What's your _name_?"

He thought about it for longer than he needed to, because, of course his name was Emmy. It's what his sister had called him. It was the fellow who looked back at him from the mirror. It was a very private name.

"It's all right," said Marita, seeing his hesitation. She could respect that; they'd just met. "I'm Marita."

"Marita," he echoed. "I'm very pleased to meet you, Princess Marita."

"Thank you." She considered how to move forward. He was a challenge, this boy - this man - she'd be marrying. "Do you enjoy games?"

Tilts, thought Emmy. I like tilts. His father had him whipped for wasting time on it when he should have been studying.

"I like chess," said Marita.

Chess. He wasn't surprised.

"I like tilts," he said.

She frowned. "Too much chance."

"No. It's what you do with chance."

Marita smiled to herself. Give him a chance, and this unnamed prince might work out. She decided to stop trying to guide the conversation and waited.

Emmy really looked at Marita. Yes, she was pretty, with a long neck, wide nostrils, high forehead, and flawless brown skin, but he saw other things too. Stubborn. Strong. He'd thought her dangerous, but a better word was _aware_, which amounted to the same thing. Here they were, sixteen years old. Most people would be married at this age, but they were forced to wait five years. How much more aware would she be at twenty-one? And how had he gone from almost dreading the marriage to wondering why they had to wait?

"We'll write letters," he said.

"That would be good," she said.

"Five years," he said.

"It's our wedding night," she said.

He reddened again. "It won't have been my first time. I just want you to know."

"It's alright," she answered. "But you won't ever tell me about that."

"No," he said.

"And see," she said, taking a fur robe from the pile of treasures and rolling it into a small, oblong shape. "Our first child."

"She's beautiful," he said.

"She? Aren't we supposed to bring forth the next emperor?"

"Yes," he said. "But he will come."

"Here he is," said Marita, holding the folded robe out to him.

He took it awkwardly. "He's handsome?"

"He's ugly," she laughed. "All babies are ugly at first."

"Are they?" He stared at the robe, imagining his son. He smiled a huge smile, and shook out the robe. "Look," he said. "His first horse. He's a fine rider."

Marita picked up her stool and brought it over next to the prince, closing the distance between them. "And his sister is so smart. We sent her to the university last year. It was very wise of you, even though your advisers argued against it."

The prince looked into Marita's eyes, and saw determination and loss. "Yes," he said. "I see that now." He closed his eyes, letting his mind touch on the future. "My father has died," he said. Marita swallowed at the cold in his voice.

"I'm sorry," said Marita.

"Don't be," he said. "I'm emperor now."

"Hush!"

"I'm emperor, and you are the empress."

"But it's good we we waited for our time. Better this way."

The prince opened his eyes. "Yes," he said reluctantly. "This is better."

"I saw a grey hair in my mirror today," she said, changing the subject.

"You should it pluck out."

"No," she said. "Maybe the imperial council will respect me now."

"They started to respect you when you threatened to have them banished."

"Well," she smiled. "That was fear, not respect."

"Our son will be a great ruler after me," said the prince.

"What is our son's name?" asked Marita, touching the prince's hand. "His real name?"

He looked into his wife's eyes. "Emmy," he said. "His sister called him Emmy. But she died, and left him alone."

Marita's hands went to her mouth. "No!" she protested. "How did it happen?"

"Red fever," he said, as though a foot pressed on his chest. "Life takes away the things that make it worth living."

"And gives us others," Marita answered.

They were silent until the drone of the priests pricked at their illusion.

"Will you marry me?" asked Emmy.

"As many times as you want," she said.

Servants took down the wall of gifts, and they had no more time alone together. The ceremony stretched on, the two of them united in impatience with pretense and time.
Change, when it comes, will step lightly before it kicks like thunder. (GRMatthews)
You are being naive if you think that any sweet and light theme cannot be strangled and force fed it's own flesh. (Nora)
www.starlit-lands.com

Offline Raptori

  • Barbarian who does not use the Oxford comma and Writing Contest Regular
  • Writing Group
  • Dragonrider
  • ***
  • Posts: 4054
  • the prettiest kitty cat in the world
    • View Profile
Re: [DEC 2015] - Young Love - Discussion Thread
« Reply #183 on: December 31, 2015, 08:16:58 PM »
Hmm... we haven't even started anything, but just realised we've entered for 12 months straight. Wonder if we'll be able to come up with something in time to keep it going...  :-\
I wish the world was flat like the old days, then I could travel just by folding a map.

Offline Lanko

  • Sherlanko Holmes, Jiin Wei and Writing Contest Regular
  • Writing Group
  • Khaleesi
  • *
  • Posts: 2877
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
    • Lanko's Goodreads
Re: [DEC 2015] - Young Love - Discussion Thread
« Reply #184 on: December 31, 2015, 08:32:41 PM »
My love story just reached 1.666 words  ::)

Should have written about an angel and demon/fallen angel, now that I think about it.
Slow and steady wins the race.

Lanko's Year in Books 2019

Offline AshKB

  • Godling
  • **
  • Posts: 272
  • Gender: Female
    • View Profile
Re: [DEC 2015] - Young Love - Discussion Thread
« Reply #185 on: December 31, 2015, 09:20:51 PM »
It's the first here, and ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I know contest isn't closed yet, but, pretty sure I'm not going to finish my story in time :-(
The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be lighted - Plutarch

I not only use all the brains I have, but all that I can borrow - Woodrow Wilson

Offline ArcaneArtsVelho

  • Secretly I'm laughing about jurassic raccoon testicles. And a Writing Contest Regular
  • Auror
  • ***
  • Posts: 1020
  • Gender: Male
  • Only partially responsible for my custom title.
    • View Profile
Re: [DEC 2015] - Young Love - Discussion Thread
« Reply #186 on: December 31, 2015, 10:00:15 PM »
I'm at about 700 words. Gonna take a break for the change of year.
Happy New Year from Finland!
Everything I wrote above is pure conjecture. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm a perfectionist but not very good at anything. That's why I rarely finish things.

Offline Lanko

  • Sherlanko Holmes, Jiin Wei and Writing Contest Regular
  • Writing Group
  • Khaleesi
  • *
  • Posts: 2877
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
    • Lanko's Goodreads
Re: [DEC 2015] - Young Love - Discussion Thread
« Reply #187 on: December 31, 2015, 10:12:55 PM »
1.497! Finally!

What a roller coaster. I wrote about 2k. Then went to 2600. Ruthlessly cut to 1450. Increased to about 1700. Then a long Ping-Pong between 1400-1600 yesterday and today.

But I have only myself to blame, I should have edited slowly instead of just leaving it for so late, and doing everything in like, two or three days. Now I wish I had worked this more carefully. Maybe I should have cut the other half and expanded the first or vice-versa.

Oh well, first time I did this. I learned. Let all know that when Lanko first finished something, it was with love! 
Slow and steady wins the race.

Lanko's Year in Books 2019

Offline Raptori

  • Barbarian who does not use the Oxford comma and Writing Contest Regular
  • Writing Group
  • Dragonrider
  • ***
  • Posts: 4054
  • the prettiest kitty cat in the world
    • View Profile
Re: [DEC 2015] - Young Love - Discussion Thread
« Reply #188 on: January 01, 2016, 12:27:22 AM »
We've written almost 400 words now, but we have to sleep soon. Hopefully we have time to finish it off and give it a look over tomorrow!
I wish the world was flat like the old days, then I could travel just by folding a map.

Offline AshKB

  • Godling
  • **
  • Posts: 272
  • Gender: Female
    • View Profile
Re: [DEC 2015] - Young Love - Discussion Thread
« Reply #189 on: January 01, 2016, 03:30:33 AM »
And I've finished! Finally! Hopefully it's at least cute (unlike the last time I wrote about Salia, for the Grimdark contest - not that it'd be hard to be a happier fic than that one.) The characters also come from a world and story I'm working on, although normally they are much older, so I hope the worldbuilding bits all make sense, too.

And hopefully one being a werewolf and the other being a vampire (even a very odd kind of vampire) doesn't detract too much  ;)
« Last Edit: January 01, 2016, 11:50:21 AM by AshKB »
The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be lighted - Plutarch

I not only use all the brains I have, but all that I can borrow - Woodrow Wilson

Offline m3mnoch

  • Writing Contest Regular!!!
  • Writing Group
  • Ta'veren
  • **
  • Posts: 3214
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
    • About Me
[DEC 2015] - Young Love - Discussion Thread
« Reply #190 on: January 01, 2016, 03:45:49 AM »
woo hoo!  nice work!

Offline AshKB

  • Godling
  • **
  • Posts: 272
  • Gender: Female
    • View Profile
Re: [DEC 2015] - Young Love - Discussion Thread
« Reply #191 on: January 01, 2016, 07:04:13 AM »
And now that I can read the other entries (so far! still time for those who haven't submitted yet!), wow, I'm really enjoying these. Voting's going to be tough.
The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be lighted - Plutarch

I not only use all the brains I have, but all that I can borrow - Woodrow Wilson

Offline ScarletBea

  • Welcome party and bringer of Cake. 2nd-in-Command of the Writing Contest
  • Powers That Be
  • Big Wee Hag
  • *
  • Posts: 11259
  • Gender: Female
  • Geeky Reading Introvert
    • View Profile
    • LibraryThing profile
Re: [DEC 2015] - Young Love - Discussion Thread
« Reply #192 on: January 01, 2016, 07:48:48 AM »
Now 12 stories and there's still about 10 hours to go - I'm really proud of you guys :D ;)
At home in the Fantasy Faction forum!

"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all" - Douglas Adams

Offline xiagan

  • Writing Contest Organizer
  • Powers That Be
  • Elderling
  • *
  • Posts: 5997
  • Gender: Male
  • Master Procrastinator
    • View Profile
Re: [DEC 2015] - Young Love - Discussion Thread
« Reply #193 on: January 01, 2016, 10:07:36 AM »
Now 12 stories and there's still about 10 hours to go - I'm really proud of you guys :D ;)

As am I! :) Happy New Year and new contest will be up soon! :)
"Sire, I had no need of that hypothesis." (Laplace)

Offline ArcaneArtsVelho

  • Secretly I'm laughing about jurassic raccoon testicles. And a Writing Contest Regular
  • Auror
  • ***
  • Posts: 1020
  • Gender: Male
  • Only partially responsible for my custom title.
    • View Profile
Re: [DEC 2015] - Young Love - Discussion Thread
« Reply #194 on: January 01, 2016, 12:22:33 PM »
Now 12 stories and there's still about 10 hours to go - I'm really proud of you guys :D ;)
So you close it at about 6 PM your time?
Oh, I can do this before that. I'm almost finished, nearing 1500 words. Will need to do some serious editing, though.  ::)
Everything I wrote above is pure conjecture. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm a perfectionist but not very good at anything. That's why I rarely finish things.