February 22, 2020, 04:45:11 PM

Poll

Please vote:

Terminus goodbye, by Henry Dale
8 (8.6%)
Hitting the Arch, by tebakutis
6 (6.5%)
Between Madness and Starlight, by RussetDivinity
2 (2.2%)
The scoundrel, by m3mnoch
5 (5.4%)
Starlight, by SJBudd
2 (2.2%)
Duel of the Fates, by Doctor_Chill
3 (3.2%)
Homecoming, by Eli Freysson
5 (5.4%)
SPACE OPERA, by Jmack
10 (10.8%)
Questions of the Stars, by Themeaningnotthename
2 (2.2%)
Out There, Among The Start, by Idlewilder
6 (6.5%)
Father and Son, by Rukaio_Alter
7 (7.5%)
Tau Ceti Butterfly, by wakarimasen
4 (4.3%)
The Search, by Raptori & Saurus
8 (8.6%)
Poop Deck, by ClintACK
5 (5.4%)
A Horror Story in Space, by Nora
6 (6.5%)
Space Politics, by D_Bates
5 (5.4%)
Always a Hero, by Elfy
2 (2.2%)
A Captain needs a Crew, by The Meddler
2 (2.2%)
Went Down With the Junk, by NightWrite
2 (2.2%)
Hope to Deception, by ArcaneArtsVelho
3 (3.2%)

Total Members Voted: 21

Voting closed: October 01, 2015, 01:09:51 PM

Author Topic: [AUG 2015] - Space Opera - Voting Thread  (Read 19528 times)

Offline ClintACK

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Re: [AUG 2015] - Space Opera - Voting Thread
« Reply #15 on: September 08, 2015, 05:06:19 AM »
*sigh*  First pass through -- nine or ten I want to vote for.

Will reread the ten tomorrow and try to pick five.

Offline wakarimasen

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Re: [AUG 2015] - Space Opera - Voting Thread
« Reply #16 on: September 08, 2015, 03:32:27 PM »
Read and voted. Was as Epic as the category name suggests...

Also - mini critiques for all the entrants. I'm finding the critiquing really helpful to me as trying to identify what I like about a story is really tough but makes me think about my own writing even more.

I mean no offence to anyone with this feedback, and I've adopted a trick a pal of mine told me about for critiquing. I've tried always to refer to "the author" rather than "you" to reenforce that this is about the piece and not the person.

All opinions are those of elves. Any resemblance to persons dead is necromancy etc etc blah blah blah
Spoiler for Hiden:

@Henry Dale
Interesting but a bit slow for my taste. Not sure I’d class it as space opera. I got no sense of a greater mystery mystery so had trouble caring for the protagonist. Nice detail with the Playboy though.


@tebakutis
Nice. Liked this one. Had to do a bit of suspension of belief to deal with the physics of the bodies giving that much power. I’m assuming they were all stood around naked for instance..? Still, lovely concept. Good attempt to pull on the heart strings, a bit “here’s a picture of my girl” cheesy but it was driving in the right direction I felt.


@RussetDivinity
That first paragraph break doesn’t make much sense, did the author mean to put the “at least” in place of the “but no longer”? Brackets seem unnecessary. A few grammatical bits like that. Found it difficult to get a handle on her sanity/insanity. Perhaps too much confusion to illustrate a troubled mind?


@m3mnoch
Felt second and third paras contradicted a little, tightened in to one they could have got the point across better I think, e.g.: “The kid was a bit of a fanboy, but not as bad as some Gavin had endured.”
Had a great feel of the sort of well trodden sci fi story mentioned in the thread set up. (I hope that was intentional ). Enjoyable dialogue.


@SJBudd
Might have swapped out an Isolade for “the child” or similar at the beginning. Felt a touch repetitious. Hated Rab, so well done. Good line with “increasingly difficult to talk about”; subtle but powerful. Isolade’s feelings later on were a bit tell rather than show, guess the author was feeling the word count. A little more allusion to the reality of her experience could have pushed it into sci-fi, but as is I don’t really get a sense of the month’s theme.


@Doctor_Chill
Even opening the spoiler I was thinking “here we go…” with an expectant smile.
I’m not sure I can offer the author any advice Chill other than “lay off the mushrooms.”
I liked “eyes red as Mars” the rest of it was happily confused nonsense. In the finest tradition of nonsense, you understand.


@Eli Feysson
Straight off the bat this feels more like Space opera. It’s got a princess for starters. Some of the similes didn’t ring home. The sun on the sea was good, but with a world being an orb it felt wrong – sun on a jewel instead. Chips off a potato – slivers from a flint?.  Loved the make up of the landing party, gave a good hint at a larger (operatic) universe. Get the feeling I would enjoy reading more about Maraka. Except she might need a name change as I kept pronouncing it maraca.


@Jmack
The tense felt a little funny, don’t know why (might have been the use of remembered instead of remember).  Prose was nice and tight. Enjoyed the flow of it. Every pirate should have a ship called the Rapscallion. “got me to med bay” “got me ready” would have been nice with a “got” in the intermediary sentence about tunnelling their base. Solid space opera. Didn’t need the twist, but it was nice anyway.


@Themeaningnotthename
Prose felt nicely poetic, but left me a little confused in places. Just the first paragraph got me a bit confused about who was doing what to who. Had a very heavy gothic feel to the piece. A bit too heavy for me, the existential angst turned me off a bit and didn’t really sit with what I felt would be the pace of experience and thought in a combat medic situation. Some nice phrases in there though: “neither is it a paradise for the ancient’s saints and poets to understand.”
Defniatly an opera with a long lament that one.


@Idlewilder
Wouldn’t memories hover on recollection, rather than recognition? Like the imagery of decaying things in space - a nice “Boosters as dead as the countries that launched them”  style simile would have been even better.
Love the concept  - history pirates. Had a wolfish grin in there that sort of punctured the notion of helmets a little. The Ai stream was a perhaps a touch too esoteric, but all in all I thought the pace of the story was good. Not much operatic epicness though (at least lots of people died. That’s pretty opera like)


@Rukaio_Alter
Nicely epic. Very operatic. He faces his father down, then stares his father down: Seems a little excessive in the “down” department. Other than that though, little to fault. Liked the time hopping. Dialogue was a touch cheesy but that fits with the theme so all good.


@Raptori
Some really nice sentences in here : liked “He danced his hands across the panels; light and colour flared in their wake. “ always encouraging to not notice a semicolon in a sentence – means it’s doing it’s job properly I reckon. Nice characterisation of the kid, even if I found it hard to believe he’d be allowed along. This was one of my favourites, only trouble is I didn’t find too much Opera about it.


@ClintACK
Again, questionable how operatic it was. As a sci-fi short though I loved it. The details of the pattern on the deck, the language used in describing Artie’s reactions. Great stuff. Felt like it really flowed when the author wrote it, either that or they’re good at refining it so it feels like that. Which was it? Throw in a war,  an unrequited love or two and kill everyone at the end and it’d be opera.


@Nora
Very self referential, raised a smile on my lips. From a writing standpoint I felt the dialogue started well then just became a mechanism for the gag. Afraid I completely lost track of who was saying what to who. Then I felt it got a bit more on track and I liked some of the more morbid stuff at the end. Good work from a fevered brain!


@D_Bates
“bled away to the smell “. At the smell? Into the smell? Didn’t sit right with me. There was an ellipses  or two in there I didn’t think the author needed… However big points for the Opera. More points for “Slopranos” and mega points for “the alienity of it all”. Nice take on the theme.


@Elfy
Refreshingly pulp sci-fi. I felt Epic within two paragraphs. Like the hair fluttering in the air vent breeze, nice touch. Told the reader about his appearance, set the tone and made a gag all in one. Commas got a bit common in a few sentences, which stumbled the flow a little for me. The wide ranging feel and desperate over the top granddaughter were great for that Operatic touch. Yay Awesome!


@The Meddler
Not sure about the length of this sentence in the first para: She'd thought this would be the perfect place to look; Delta-One held prisoners of varying security levels, and due to its location near the local system's trade planet the inmates came from all over the quadrant.
Feels like it could have been broken down or done differently, introducing the facts in some sideways manner . Generally I thought the grammar could have been tighter. Not a lot of Opera involved here, either pulp or dramatic. On the plus side I liked the general premise and the setting.



@NightWrite
First impression was the layout was quite dense, Maybe throw in some spacing? – but that’s neither here nor there to the story of course. Couple of typos – Malfunction instead of malfunctioning. I’m pretty sure we can notch all this up to rushing to get it in. Black holes are secretive, not jealous surely? But I like the turn of phrase. Dropped a  your instead of you’re. Again due to the rush I suspect. Didn’t really feel Varrens desperation, maybe if we’d built up crew relationships instead of going over the mechanics of shopping trip. Glad everyone died though. Mucho opera.


@ArcaneArtsVelho
Let’s just say the submission date is down to a time zone difference eh?
Didn’t feel like I needed to know everyone’s name. Got me a bit perplexed. Some of the dialogue was good but a lot felt unnecessary to telling a tale. In fact, I was left wondering what the tale was. Without any kind of setup about beacons or Hope the solution to their predicament was a bit “oh right”. 




Offline Nora

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Re: [AUG 2015] - Space Opera - Voting Thread
« Reply #17 on: September 08, 2015, 03:40:12 PM »
Read and voted. Was as Epic as the category name suggests...

Also - mini critiques for all the entrants. I'm finding the critiquing really helpful to me as trying to identify what I like about a story is really tough but makes me think about my own writing even more.

I mean no offence to anyone with this feedback, and I've adopted a trick a pal of mine told me about for critiquing. I've tried always to refer to "the author" rather than "you" to reenforce that this is about the piece and not the person.

All opinions are those of elves. Any resemblance to persons dead is necromancy etc etc blah blah blah
Spoiler for Hiden:

@Henry Dale
Interesting but a bit slow for my taste. Not sure I’d class it as space opera. I got no sense of a greater mystery mystery so had trouble caring for the protagonist. Nice detail with the Playboy though.


@tebakutis
Nice. Liked this one. Had to do a bit of suspension of belief to deal with the physics of the bodies giving that much power. I’m assuming they were all stood around naked for instance..? Still, lovely concept. Good attempt to pull on the heart strings, a bit “here’s a picture of my girl” cheesy but it was driving in the right direction I felt.


@RussetDivinity
That first paragraph break doesn’t make much sense, did the author mean to put the “at least” in place of the “but no longer”? Brackets seem unnecessary. A few grammatical bits like that. Found it difficult to get a handle on her sanity/insanity. Perhaps too much confusion to illustrate a troubled mind?


@m3mnoch
Felt second and third paras contradicted a little, tightened in to one they could have got the point across better I think, e.g.: “The kid was a bit of a fanboy, but not as bad as some Gavin had endured.”
Had a great feel of the sort of well trodden sci fi story mentioned in the thread set up. (I hope that was intentional ). Enjoyable dialogue.


@SJBudd
Might have swapped out an Isolade for “the child” or similar at the beginning. Felt a touch repetitious. Hated Rab, so well done. Good line with “increasingly difficult to talk about”; subtle but powerful. Isolade’s feelings later on were a bit tell rather than show, guess the author was feeling the word count. A little more allusion to the reality of her experience could have pushed it into sci-fi, but as is I don’t really get a sense of the month’s theme.


@Doctor_Chill
Even opening the spoiler I was thinking “here we go…” with an expectant smile.
I’m not sure I can offer the author any advice Chill other than “lay off the mushrooms.”
I liked “eyes red as Mars” the rest of it was happily confused nonsense. In the finest tradition of nonsense, you understand.


@Eli Feysson
Straight off the bat this feels more like Space opera. It’s got a princess for starters. Some of the similes didn’t ring home. The sun on the sea was good, but with a world being an orb it felt wrong – sun on a jewel instead. Chips off a potato – slivers from a flint?.  Loved the make up of the landing party, gave a good hint at a larger (operatic) universe. Get the feeling I would enjoy reading more about Maraka. Except she might need a name change as I kept pronouncing it maraca.


@Jmack
The tense felt a little funny, don’t know why (might have been the use of remembered instead of remember).  Prose was nice and tight. Enjoyed the flow of it. Every pirate should have a ship called the Rapscallion. “got me to med bay” “got me ready” would have been nice with a “got” in the intermediary sentence about tunnelling their base. Solid space opera. Didn’t need the twist, but it was nice anyway.


@Themeaningnotthename
Prose felt nicely poetic, but left me a little confused in places. Just the first paragraph got me a bit confused about who was doing what to who. Had a very heavy gothic feel to the piece. A bit too heavy for me, the existential angst turned me off a bit and didn’t really sit with what I felt would be the pace of experience and thought in a combat medic situation. Some nice phrases in there though: “neither is it a paradise for the ancient’s saints and poets to understand.”
Defniatly an opera with a long lament that one.


@Idlewilder
Wouldn’t memories hover on recollection, rather than recognition? Like the imagery of decaying things in space - a nice “Boosters as dead as the countries that launched them”  style simile would have been even better.
Love the concept  - history pirates. Had a wolfish grin in there that sort of punctured the notion of helmets a little. The Ai stream was a perhaps a touch too esoteric, but all in all I thought the pace of the story was good. Not much operatic epicness though (at least lots of people died. That’s pretty opera like)


@Rukaio_Alter
Nicely epic. Very operatic. He faces his father down, then stares his father down: Seems a little excessive in the “down” department. Other than that though, little to fault. Liked the time hopping. Dialogue was a touch cheesy but that fits with the theme so all good.


@Raptori
Some really nice sentences in here : liked “He danced his hands across the panels; light and colour flared in their wake. “ always encouraging to not notice a semicolon in a sentence – means it’s doing it’s job properly I reckon. Nice characterisation of the kid, even if I found it hard to believe he’d be allowed along. This was one of my favourites, only trouble is I didn’t find too much Opera about it.


@ClintACK
Again, questionable how operatic it was. As a sci-fi short though I loved it. The details of the pattern on the deck, the language used in describing Artie’s reactions. Great stuff. Felt like it really flowed when the author wrote it, either that or they’re good at refining it so it feels like that. Which was it? Throw in a war,  an unrequited love or two and kill everyone at the end and it’d be opera.


@Nora
Very self referential, raised a smile on my lips. From a writing standpoint I felt the dialogue started well then just became a mechanism for the gag. Afraid I completely lost track of who was saying what to who. Then I felt it got a bit more on track and I liked some of the more morbid stuff at the end. Good work from a fevered brain!


@D_Bates
“bled away to the smell “. At the smell? Into the smell? Didn’t sit right with me. There was an ellipses  or two in there I didn’t think the author needed… However big points for the Opera. More points for “Slopranos” and mega points for “the alienity of it all”. Nice take on the theme.


@Elfy
Refreshingly pulp sci-fi. I felt Epic within two paragraphs. Like the hair fluttering in the air vent breeze, nice touch. Told the reader about his appearance, set the tone and made a gag all in one. Commas got a bit common in a few sentences, which stumbled the flow a little for me. The wide ranging feel and desperate over the top granddaughter were great for that Operatic touch. Yay Awesome!


@The Meddler
Not sure about the length of this sentence in the first para: She'd thought this would be the perfect place to look; Delta-One held prisoners of varying security levels, and due to its location near the local system's trade planet the inmates came from all over the quadrant.
Feels like it could have been broken down or done differently, introducing the facts in some sideways manner . Generally I thought the grammar could have been tighter. Not a lot of Opera involved here, either pulp or dramatic. On the plus side I liked the general premise and the setting.



@NightWrite
First impression was the layout was quite dense, Maybe throw in some spacing? – but that’s neither here nor there to the story of course. Couple of typos – Malfunction instead of malfunctioning. I’m pretty sure we can notch all this up to rushing to get it in. Black holes are secretive, not jealous surely? But I like the turn of phrase. Dropped a  your instead of you’re. Again due to the rush I suspect. Didn’t really feel Varrens desperation, maybe if we’d built up crew relationships instead of going over the mechanics of shopping trip. Glad everyone died though. Mucho opera.


@ArcaneArtsVelho
Let’s just say the submission date is down to a time zone difference eh?
Didn’t feel like I needed to know everyone’s name. Got me a bit perplexed. Some of the dialogue was good but a lot felt unnecessary to telling a tale. In fact, I was left wondering what the tale was. Without any kind of setup about beacons or Hope the solution to their predicament was a bit “oh right”. 




Cheers man. I totally agree that the main length of dialogue is confusing, but it's meant to be. As in, it doesn't matter who asks the questions when the character isn't quoted "X said". Sometimes, I don't even know who's talking. It's more like you'd be over-hearing the discussion than anything else.
I guess I do need a lot more work to make that type of dialogue work well when there is more than 2 characters and little to separate them by voice. I wanted to avoid "X said" - "Y said" - "W answered" - "X scoffed" ect.

Fair critique, and ahead of time too! Thanks! ^^

Read and voted. It was horrible I really had 6 stories and the last two contenders were really rather equal... :-x
« Last Edit: September 08, 2015, 03:54:24 PM by Nora »
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Re: [AUG 2015] - Space Opera - Voting Thread
« Reply #18 on: September 08, 2015, 04:41:34 PM »
Wait. @wakarimasen, where's the critique for "Tau Ceti Butterfly"?
Zut alors, you missed one.  ;) 8)
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Offline Henry Dale

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Re: [AUG 2015] - Space Opera - Voting Thread
« Reply #19 on: September 08, 2015, 04:48:04 PM »
Read and voted. Was as Epic as the category name suggests...

Also - mini critiques for all the entrants. I'm finding the critiquing really helpful to me as trying to identify what I like about a story is really tough but makes me think about my own writing even more.

I mean no offence to anyone with this feedback, and I've adopted a trick a pal of mine told me about for critiquing. I've tried always to refer to "the author" rather than "you" to reenforce that this is about the piece and not the person.

All opinions are those of elves. Any resemblance to persons dead is necromancy etc etc blah blah blah
Spoiler for Hiden:

@Henry Dale
Interesting but a bit slow for my taste. Not sure I’d class it as space opera. I got no sense of a greater mystery mystery so had trouble caring for the protagonist. Nice detail with the Playboy though.


@tebakutis
Nice. Liked this one. Had to do a bit of suspension of belief to deal with the physics of the bodies giving that much power. I’m assuming they were all stood around naked for instance..? Still, lovely concept. Good attempt to pull on the heart strings, a bit “here’s a picture of my girl” cheesy but it was driving in the right direction I felt.


@RussetDivinity
That first paragraph break doesn’t make much sense, did the author mean to put the “at least” in place of the “but no longer”? Brackets seem unnecessary. A few grammatical bits like that. Found it difficult to get a handle on her sanity/insanity. Perhaps too much confusion to illustrate a troubled mind?


@m3mnoch
Felt second and third paras contradicted a little, tightened in to one they could have got the point across better I think, e.g.: “The kid was a bit of a fanboy, but not as bad as some Gavin had endured.”
Had a great feel of the sort of well trodden sci fi story mentioned in the thread set up. (I hope that was intentional ). Enjoyable dialogue.


@SJBudd
Might have swapped out an Isolade for “the child” or similar at the beginning. Felt a touch repetitious. Hated Rab, so well done. Good line with “increasingly difficult to talk about”; subtle but powerful. Isolade’s feelings later on were a bit tell rather than show, guess the author was feeling the word count. A little more allusion to the reality of her experience could have pushed it into sci-fi, but as is I don’t really get a sense of the month’s theme.


@Doctor_Chill
Even opening the spoiler I was thinking “here we go…” with an expectant smile.
I’m not sure I can offer the author any advice Chill other than “lay off the mushrooms.”
I liked “eyes red as Mars” the rest of it was happily confused nonsense. In the finest tradition of nonsense, you understand.


@Eli Feysson
Straight off the bat this feels more like Space opera. It’s got a princess for starters. Some of the similes didn’t ring home. The sun on the sea was good, but with a world being an orb it felt wrong – sun on a jewel instead. Chips off a potato – slivers from a flint?.  Loved the make up of the landing party, gave a good hint at a larger (operatic) universe. Get the feeling I would enjoy reading more about Maraka. Except she might need a name change as I kept pronouncing it maraca.


@Jmack
The tense felt a little funny, don’t know why (might have been the use of remembered instead of remember).  Prose was nice and tight. Enjoyed the flow of it. Every pirate should have a ship called the Rapscallion. “got me to med bay” “got me ready” would have been nice with a “got” in the intermediary sentence about tunnelling their base. Solid space opera. Didn’t need the twist, but it was nice anyway.


@Themeaningnotthename
Prose felt nicely poetic, but left me a little confused in places. Just the first paragraph got me a bit confused about who was doing what to who. Had a very heavy gothic feel to the piece. A bit too heavy for me, the existential angst turned me off a bit and didn’t really sit with what I felt would be the pace of experience and thought in a combat medic situation. Some nice phrases in there though: “neither is it a paradise for the ancient’s saints and poets to understand.”
Defniatly an opera with a long lament that one.


@Idlewilder
Wouldn’t memories hover on recollection, rather than recognition? Like the imagery of decaying things in space - a nice “Boosters as dead as the countries that launched them”  style simile would have been even better.
Love the concept  - history pirates. Had a wolfish grin in there that sort of punctured the notion of helmets a little. The Ai stream was a perhaps a touch too esoteric, but all in all I thought the pace of the story was good. Not much operatic epicness though (at least lots of people died. That’s pretty opera like)


@Rukaio_Alter
Nicely epic. Very operatic. He faces his father down, then stares his father down: Seems a little excessive in the “down” department. Other than that though, little to fault. Liked the time hopping. Dialogue was a touch cheesy but that fits with the theme so all good.


@Raptori
Some really nice sentences in here : liked “He danced his hands across the panels; light and colour flared in their wake. “ always encouraging to not notice a semicolon in a sentence – means it’s doing it’s job properly I reckon. Nice characterisation of the kid, even if I found it hard to believe he’d be allowed along. This was one of my favourites, only trouble is I didn’t find too much Opera about it.


@ClintACK
Again, questionable how operatic it was. As a sci-fi short though I loved it. The details of the pattern on the deck, the language used in describing Artie’s reactions. Great stuff. Felt like it really flowed when the author wrote it, either that or they’re good at refining it so it feels like that. Which was it? Throw in a war,  an unrequited love or two and kill everyone at the end and it’d be opera.


@Nora
Very self referential, raised a smile on my lips. From a writing standpoint I felt the dialogue started well then just became a mechanism for the gag. Afraid I completely lost track of who was saying what to who. Then I felt it got a bit more on track and I liked some of the more morbid stuff at the end. Good work from a fevered brain!


@D_Bates
“bled away to the smell “. At the smell? Into the smell? Didn’t sit right with me. There was an ellipses  or two in there I didn’t think the author needed… However big points for the Opera. More points for “Slopranos” and mega points for “the alienity of it all”. Nice take on the theme.


@Elfy
Refreshingly pulp sci-fi. I felt Epic within two paragraphs. Like the hair fluttering in the air vent breeze, nice touch. Told the reader about his appearance, set the tone and made a gag all in one. Commas got a bit common in a few sentences, which stumbled the flow a little for me. The wide ranging feel and desperate over the top granddaughter were great for that Operatic touch. Yay Awesome!


@The Meddler
Not sure about the length of this sentence in the first para: She'd thought this would be the perfect place to look; Delta-One held prisoners of varying security levels, and due to its location near the local system's trade planet the inmates came from all over the quadrant.
Feels like it could have been broken down or done differently, introducing the facts in some sideways manner . Generally I thought the grammar could have been tighter. Not a lot of Opera involved here, either pulp or dramatic. On the plus side I liked the general premise and the setting.



@NightWrite
First impression was the layout was quite dense, Maybe throw in some spacing? – but that’s neither here nor there to the story of course. Couple of typos – Malfunction instead of malfunctioning. I’m pretty sure we can notch all this up to rushing to get it in. Black holes are secretive, not jealous surely? But I like the turn of phrase. Dropped a  your instead of you’re. Again due to the rush I suspect. Didn’t really feel Varrens desperation, maybe if we’d built up crew relationships instead of going over the mechanics of shopping trip. Glad everyone died though. Mucho opera.


@ArcaneArtsVelho
Let’s just say the submission date is down to a time zone difference eh?
Didn’t feel like I needed to know everyone’s name. Got me a bit perplexed. Some of the dialogue was good but a lot felt unnecessary to telling a tale. In fact, I was left wondering what the tale was. Without any kind of setup about beacons or Hope the solution to their predicament was a bit “oh right”. 




Hey, thanks for the early critique man!
I know I'm skirting the borders of the subject but the idea was there so I was like ehhh whatever  :P

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Re: [AUG 2015] - Space Opera - Voting Thread
« Reply #20 on: September 08, 2015, 04:56:47 PM »
@Raptori
Some really nice sentences in here : liked “He danced his hands across the panels; light and colour flared in their wake. “ always encouraging to not notice a semicolon in a sentence – means it’s doing it’s job properly I reckon. Nice characterisation of the kid, even if I found it hard to believe he’d be allowed along. This was one of my favourites, only trouble is I didn’t find too much Opera about it.


@wakarimasen glad you liked ours, especially the semicolon! Good point about him being allowed to come with, guess we should've put something in there to explain it... because we totally have a legitimate explanation. Honest. And yeah I still don't really get what exactly the difference between standard space-sci-fi and space opera, and neither does Saurus, which is probably why we didn't get the theme exactly right...
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Re: [AUG 2015] - Space Opera - Voting Thread
« Reply #21 on: September 09, 2015, 01:16:32 AM »
@wakarimasen, thank you for the critique. That was awesome of you. As C.J Dennis' Sentimental Bloke would say 'I dips me lid to you.'
I will expand your TBR pile.

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Offline ClintACK

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Re: [AUG 2015] - Space Opera - Voting Thread
« Reply #22 on: September 09, 2015, 02:19:02 AM »

Also - mini critiques for all the entrants. I'm finding the critiquing really helpful to me as trying to identify what I like about a story is really tough but makes me think about my own writing even more.

Thanks for the early feedback.

Spoiler for Hiden:

@ClintACK
Again, questionable how operatic it was.

>Yep, definitely a small story.  Nothing big came to me that I felt I could do justice in 1500 words.  And I like the idea of small, human stories told with big epic things as the backdrop.  Of course, I didn't put the backdrop in here.  Oops.

As a sci-fi short though I loved it. The details of the pattern on the deck, the language used in describing Artie’s reactions. Great stuff.

>Awesome to hear.  I really struggled with the description of the deck pattern, so I'm glad to hear it worked. 

Felt like it really flowed when the author wrote it, either that or they’re good at refining it so it feels like that. Which was it?

>The bulk of the story, all but the last few paragraphs, came out in one sitting and flowed well.  There were bits that were really rough, but I came back to them later to edit to death.

Throw in a war,  an unrequited love or two and kill everyone at the end and it’d be opera.

>Yeah.  I probably could have made contact with the alien crucial in a war with incomprehensible alien foes -- but that didn't feel like SFC Artemis Jones's story...

>Big picture: This story was really fun to write.  And apologies again for the scatological humor.


Offline ArcaneArtsVelho

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Re: [AUG 2015] - Space Opera - Voting Thread
« Reply #23 on: September 09, 2015, 02:59:48 PM »
Thanks, Wakarimasen.
Spoiler for Waka's critique:
Let’s just say the submission date is down to a time zone difference eh?
Submissions close on the 1st (usually in the evening), so in my opinion time zone ploys are not really needed.  :)
Didn’t feel like I needed to know everyone’s name. Got me a bit perplexed. Some of the dialogue was good but a lot felt unnecessary to telling a tale. In fact, I was left wondering what the tale was. Without any kind of setup about beacons or Hope the solution to their predicament was a bit “oh right”.
Fair enough. The theme didn't really inspire me, so I went with a part (or a spin-off) of a story idea I had planned to write years ago (and which I haven't written to this day). So maybe I concentrated too much to that story and not enough to this one, or something like that.  :-\
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Re: [AUG 2015] - Space Opera - Voting Thread
« Reply #24 on: September 09, 2015, 03:10:41 PM »
Thanks a lot for creating the thread, Bea! Without you, there wouldn't be a single vote so far, instead we have 11 votes until now. Most votes per story are 6,5,5 so far. :)
« Last Edit: September 09, 2015, 03:13:45 PM by xiagan »
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Re: [AUG 2015] - Space Opera - Voting Thread
« Reply #25 on: September 09, 2015, 03:13:23 PM »

Spoiler for Hiden:

@Jmack
The tense felt a little funny, don’t know why (might have been the use of remembered instead of remember).  Prose was nice and tight. Enjoyed the flow of it. Every pirate should have a ship called the Rapscallion. “got me to med bay” “got me ready” would have been nice with a “got” in the intermediary sentence about tunnelling their base. Solid space opera. Didn’t need the twist, but it was nice anyway.


Thanks, Waka. Yes, I found two of those tense places: one where I think I have it right, though it sounds odd (have to work on that) and one where it's just off (will need to fix that for posterity, at least).

Not quite tracking on the "got me", since I have a "got" in each of the sentences. Maybe a PM?

Glad the unnecessary twist at least communicated.  ;)

As to Raspscallion - wonderful name. My father was planning to build a boat by that name, and did a model of it that sparked my imagination for years. And now I find myself naming ships again in the Politics story.

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Re: [AUG 2015] - Space Opera - Voting Thread
« Reply #26 on: September 09, 2015, 03:13:38 PM »
11 votes so far, most votes per story are 6,5,5 so far. :)
Thanks for the update, BUT WHICH ONES ARE THEY?!?!?  :o
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Re: [AUG 2015] - Space Opera - Voting Thread
« Reply #27 on: September 09, 2015, 03:14:33 PM »
11 votes so far, most votes per story are 6,5,5 so far. :)
Thanks for the update, BUT WHICH ONES ARE THEY?!?!?  :o
Ask Bea, she knows. ;)
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Re: [AUG 2015] - Space Opera - Voting Thread
« Reply #28 on: September 09, 2015, 03:38:14 PM »
11 votes so far, most votes per story are 6,5,5 so far. :)
Thanks for the update, BUT WHICH ONES ARE THEY?!?!?  :o
Ask Bea, she knows. ;)
@ScarletBea send me updates via PM please. Nobody else has to know.  8)
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Re: [AUG 2015] - Space Opera - Voting Thread
« Reply #29 on: September 09, 2015, 03:44:19 PM »
11 votes so far, most votes per story are 6,5,5 so far. :)
Thanks for the update, BUT WHICH ONES ARE THEY?!?!?  :o
Ask Bea, she knows. ;)
@ScarletBea send me updates via PM please. Nobody else has to know.  8)
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« Last Edit: September 09, 2015, 03:46:15 PM by ScarletBea »
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